The Chase For Fame

The Chase For Fame

Klaus Schilling

Rating

PG-13

Disclaimer

I don’t own Zoey 101 or any other show or work of arts.

Description

Fandoms
Zoey 101,Drake & Josh,iCarly,Unfabulous,Ned’s Declassified SSG,True Jackson VP,Victorious,Bigtime Rush,Just Jordan
Genres
alternative universe,melodramatic massively multiplot novel — Fluff, Family, Friendship,…
Summary
Chase Matthews wants to become a famous playwright for musicals. But the road up to there is very long. His dream starts when Chase is a new middle school kid at Pacific Coast Academy and ends with Chase as a novice playwright at Broadway at the age of twenty.
People
pretty much everyone — main, recurring, or guest — from above shows, but centered around Chase Bartholomew Matthews, the narrator of his own story. Couples include: Chase Matthews – Addie Singer, Michael Barret – Wendy Gellar, Logan Reese – a whole bunch of models, cheerleaders, and spoilt brats, Dustin Brooks – Carly Shay, Zoey Brooks – Jerome Crony, Lola Martinez – Drake Parker, Quinn Pensky – Cal, Carl Rivers – Francine Briggs, Nicole Bristow – Nicholas Webber, Stacey Dillsen – Sinjin Van Cleef, and many more
Timeline
starts pre-canon for any of the above shows, approx. one year before begin of Drake & Josh

Background

  • written for LiveJournal-Community 500_Themes, claim , one section per prompt
  • written for LiveJournal-Community 50Passages, claim Nickelodeon Shows, prompt Where are we? How did I get here?

Contents

Chapter 1  Pilot

1.1  Childhood’s End

My name is Matthews — Chase Bartholomew Matthews.

At the beginning of my story, I was eleven years old.

It was also a big step into a new life.

Roughly spoken, I had grown up in some insignificant place in metropolitan New England, somewhere between Washington and Boston.

But my new home was in Malibu, California, more precisely a boarding school known as Pacific Coast Academy.

My parents told me, “Chase, your infancy is now over. It is time for you to learn to become a man. This school is the perfect place for you.”

I needed to grow up. I was going to miss my parents, but even more my grandmother, the hitherto most respected and adored person in my life.

Grandma had often taken care of me when I was injured.1

But also one of my uncles had been there for me more than my parents. He let me work in his bookshop for kids.2

My best friend had hitherto been one Rusty Dickerson/footnotecf. Zoey 101 : Good-Bye, Zoey.

I was going to miss him dearly, too.

But life went on.

My first impression was devastatingly weird.

“This is not a school, but a spa.” I wondered how to learn in such a location.

There was even a beach!

I was also impressed by a Japanese restaurant named Sushi Rox. I love sushi.

Alas, the whole school had one depressing downside: It was a boys-only school.

That sucked.

I sighed. Was it possible to learn becoming a man without girls? I tried hard to imagine.

But it disappointed me to no end.

My dad followed me with my luggage. But he was going to leave me alone soon upon dumping me in my dormitory hall.

My grandma had told me before my departure, “you will sure make many new friends. And most of the other boys will be in a similar situation.”

This helped me a lot.

Now time had come to enter my new home…

1.2  Whitewashed Walls

Dad was now gone.

I was not the first boy in my dorm.

A spoiled jerk greeted me in an arrogant way, “hi, what’s up? Just to make it clear, the single bed is mine!”

I sighed. Looking around, I chose the bottom bunk. I deposited my suitcase and started taking care of my belongings. I came to admire the splendid white colour of the walls.

The other boy in my dormitory room introduced himself, “Logan Reese…”

I coughed.

He must have been the son of famous Hollywood producer Malcolm Reese.

I had to think about Hollywood. I had been a creative writer at elementary school.

My first attempts were a combination of poems and cartoons.

But my goal was becoming a playwright, maybe even at Hollywood.

Malcolm Reese was one of the most influential guys there.

Thus it was better for me to refrain from blowing my cchances by upsetting his son, even his only son.

Logan grinned. “I pay, I say… ”

I sighed with agony.

Logan was the boss just because his dad had most money.

Our third roomie showed up. Unlike Logan and me, he was an Afro-American. He introduced himself as Michael Barret. He was the most laid back of us.

Or so it seemed.

Logan and Michael were new in here, too.

Logan was, of course, a Californian boy, more precisely, Beverly Hills.

Michael was from Plains, Georgia. He had been late because he needed to weep for over an hour upon having been dropped by his mother.

Mrs. Barret was now awaiting him in the cafeteria.

Whatever, Michael was not content with the walls. “Why are they white?”

Logan reoplied,“you want thenm black?” He was disgusted.

Michael glared at Logan.

Logan explained, “it doesn’t really matter… my posters will soon adorn the walls.”

“Your posters?” I wondered, “whom do they depict?”

“Me, of course,” replied Logan upon plastering the most arrogant grin ever seen all over the face of this world, “what else did you think?”

Michael and I, we gasped.

Logan took a mirror and watched his own face gracefully. “Aw! Ain’t I a dream of a boy? Adonis will faint to death.”

Michael and I, we didn’t get it. Were we going to wake up every morning with Logan’s grin all over our walls? In thsi case, plain white walls would have been the better alternative.

In any case, those posters were not yet there.

My first night was thus going to be one with whitewashed walls.

Grandma had told me, “watch carefully, your first dream in a new home will come true!”

This was making me increasingly excited.

Michael asked me, “let’s go to the cafeteria?”

I nodded solemnly.

Off we were, leaving egomaniac brat Logan Reese behind.

1.3  Left Behind

We sighed deeply.

Oh yeah, left behind.

That’s what we were upon our parents’ ultimate departure.

We were not going to see them again before Thanksgiving.

Well, Logan was an exception, a he lived only a limousine’s ride away.

On the other hand, there were many students unable to return tto their family before next summer break.

But complaining was pointless.

Thitherfrom, we had to do on our own. We were forced to listen to a ‘sermon’ by Carl Rivers, the headmaster of our academy.

He held postrgraduate honours from Stanford. He emphasissed the values of extreme discipline and valour.

His speech was totally boring.

We were happy when the whole spook was over.

I had to learn to get along with Logan Reese, whatever the price.

The jerk had invited us for dinner at Sushi Rox.

He had settled at some table.

Logan had bribed other pupils into leaving the table for us.

Michael wondered, “wow, how do you do that?”

Logan boomed, “the power of the credit card!” He waved a platinum card in fornt of his chest. “Unlimited!”

The bar was run by some Kazu.

Logan insisted in being served first, because he was able to buy the whole shop.

Kazu grinned and bowed. “Sayonara!”

I stammered, “I want that dead fish with rice and the green stuff…”

Michael added, “and soy sauce!”

“Yeah,” I continued, “but not too much. Just a sprinkle. You know, if you take too much of something…”

A man behind us turned impolite. “I want my sushi, will you hurry up?” He pronouced sushi in a strange way.

Kazu shrugged. “Your first order is free. By the way, this is Coach Keller, he’s always like this, so don’t worry.”

We sighed.

But we were looking forward to our sushi.

Michael moaned, “no girls, that’s really lame.”

I nodded.

Logan grinned. “All you losers need to become popular and to get at girls is a good club.”

Michael and I glared quizzically.

Logan explained, “The sports team will get the cheerleaders, and we will face teams from girl schools and mixed schools in the regional tournaments.”

I shrugged.

Michael objected, “but the cheerleaders are male, i mean, there are no girls here.”

Logan giggled. “It’s possible to hire cheelrleaders from nearby schools, given enough green stuff.”

I looked at my fresh;y served sushi. “The seaweed will give us girls?”

Logan coughed. “Not that green stuff! Dollars, bucks… you get it?”

I banged my head against the table.

Logan explained, “we will just pay other schools into lending us their cheerleaders.”

I saw one problem. “Sports isn’t exactly my thing.”

Michael squealed, “I like basketball. Several members of my family have been in the NBC.”

Logan smiled. “OK! Basketball it is!”

I sighed deeply. If that was the way to get at girls, I was all for it.

But trying out for the basketball team was not going to be easy.

1.4  Exiled Child

Sun came up from the braes of the Sierra, stabbing my sleep like a double-edged knife.

My dreams had come to an abrupt end.

I gasped with agony.

It had been my first night in a bottom bunk.

Not accustomed to the situation, my head slammed against the board on which Michael was lying. Now it hurt.

My roomie startled. “Ouch!” He yawned with dismay. Then he dropped off his bed, He was apparently not accustomed to sleeping two yards above ground level. He whimpered upon hitting the floor with his knewws and his shoulders.

I was worried.

Fortunately, Michael was not seriously injured.

I sighed with relief.

Logan on the other hand made stupid remarks. “It’s raining dorks.”

Michael and I were not happy about Logan’s totally inappropriate humour.

Now I remembered grandmother’s words about first dreams in a new bed.

But what had been my first dream?

The event with Michael had scared me, making me forget about my dream.

Logan was the firsat to make it into the bathrooms. He had to study his face. “Aw, mirror in my hand, who’s the hottest guy all over the land?”

Michael was looking at his clothes. “Basketball tryouts… I need my best outfit in order to get chosen.”

I sighed. “I haven’t decided to try out until last night. What outfit do I need?”

Michael gasped. “Oh, Chase!” He tried to rummage through my belongings. “OK, anyt athletic wear will do for the start… but we have to buy you some better outfit, should you get accepted.”

I sighed. I tried some clothes.

Michael was not really content.

But that was all I had got.

Upon his return, Logan grinned like a hyena. “A clown’s costume?”

Michael and I, we tried to ignore the spoiled brat. But things could not go on like that for the next seven years.

I hoped for a better time at this school to come.

Oh, yeah, there was my dream of last night.

“I dreamt about girls being allowed to Pacific Coast Academy,” said I.

Micheal screamed, “yeah, so did I!”

I hi-fived with my pal.

Logan smiled. “That wouldn’t help you.”

Michael and I, we peered aghast.

Logan explained, “all future girls at this school will ignore you, as they are already reserved for me!”

Michael and I had a hard time accepting that.

But Logan had the bucks, and girls were always incredibly greedy.

Maybe this had not been such a good dream.

My life at this school was probably forever going to be an exile.

The dream had appeared to instill me some hope.

But maybe it didn’t.

I was probably never going to grow up, no matter what.

1.5  Voices In My Mind

Circumambulating the basketball field, I noticed quite a few very athletic boys. I wanted to run agian.

But Michael did not let me go. “Aw, Chase, you can’t run away!”

I shivered.

The scary feeling increased upon noticing our coach:

It was Coach Keller, the weird man from Sushi Rox.

I would not have made it alive without Michael’s support.

We practised a few passes and dribblings.

This was already tough.

Thereupon we had to score with free throws.

Mark del Figgalo, the least athletic of all, was the first to try.

It was such a complicated surname.

I admit shamelessly to having been unable to remember that name until eighth grade.

Mark fumbled with the ball and knocked himself out.

Keller declared, “you’re out! I don’t want to see you here again, never ever!” He whistled vigorously.

My nervosity increased.

Michael showed a few perfect free throws. He beamed. “Have you seen that? It isn’t that hard.”

“Maybe it isn’t?” I shrugged.

Logan landed his free throws as well. But he was a lot less convincing. He strength were long dribblings and — even more — rebounds.

A few other pupils tried their best.

Finally, it was my turn.

I closed my eyes.

Michael gasped. “Hey, you haven’t yet practised blind throws.”

I knew that. I opened my eyes again, inspite of being unable to bear watching my shots missing the targets.

But it had to be.

Logan cackled. “Just to make it clear… the ball has to go through the hoop. Whatever, the cheerleaders will be reserved for me!”

That was enough.

I was so going to teach that spoiled jerk. I grabbed the ball, rubbed it with my fingers in order to look for an optimal grip. I dropped it thrice to the floor and caught int again. I bowed down and reerected myself. I bent my arms my legs. Then I jumped, jurled the ball aloft, and closed my eyes again. I heard the ball touch the iron hoop. I dared to open my eyes again.

THe ball fropped through the hoop as if mocking Logan Reese.

Logan was consternated.

Michael grinned. “Wow, you’ve got the hang out of it… How did you learn that fast?”

I sighed. “You know about my dream of last night.”

Michael nodded solemnly.

I explained, “there were finally girls at this school. One of them… I can’t remember her name, or her face, but here smile was such an inspiration, like a permanent sweet voice in my head whenever I need it … maybe the only thing to keep me alive here, even though Logan will get all the girls once the school opens for them.”

Michael shrugged. “Cool! I mean… Logan can’t have all te girls, anyways. He hasn’t got more than ywenty-four hours a day and seven days a week.”

I giggled.

Coach Keller read a list with the pupils qualified for the first team. “Michael Barret, Logan Reese, Chase Matthews, Steve Holland3, Joe Catania4.”

I hi-fived with Michael.

Alas, Coach Keller remarked, “you all need to train harder. This is basketball, not sleepingball.”

I wondered, “is there such a sport? I might try out…”

Keller grunted with disgust.

Anyways, I had made it into the team with my revolutionary technique, inspired by a hitherto unknown girl.

That was everything of importance.

1
cf. Zoey 101 : Chase’s Grandma
2
cf. Zoey 101 : Favor Chain
3
cf. Zoey 101 : Silver Hammers — really a member of Schneider’s Bakery
4
cf. Zoey 101 : Silver Hammers — really a member of Schneider’s Bakery

Chapter 2  Basketball Match

2.1   Alone in a crowd

My first days at my new school went past like a fast train.

But inspite of my roomies, I felt more and more alone at this school.

There wasn’t much I could do about it.

Really, I couldn’t but rely on my inner voice telling me to survive.

Days were going to be brighter.

Or at least I hoped so.

The teachers here the the best under the Californian sun, or so were they deemed to be.

Of course, coming from New England, I could hardly compare.

My favourite teacher was Mr. David Bender. He taught us about public relationships, the core of modern society.

His classes were characterised by interesting projects.

My least favourite teacher, no, my most hated one, was one Mr. Hotchins.1 He treated us pupils like dirt.

Fortunately I could usually avoid him, at least during my middle school years.

He was only teaching high school classes on a regular base. Only once did he have to supervise my study room class.

And I did have to avoid detention under his custody.

Detention was not a good thing in general. But detention under the custody of a very mean teacher, and without the company of your friends, was the worst possible thing here next to being grounded.

I tried slowly to get aquainted to other pupils.

That was not going to be easy.

The football jocks were really annoying, such as Comisar2, Weissman3, Scott Ridgemont4.

Nicholas Webber5, a bimbo boy, talked my ears off.

I had always thought only girls to be able to do that.

Glen Davis6 was one of the most evil jerks between Maine and Mexico..

I’ve already talked about Mark, the most boring thing next to watching fungus grow. I sucked in science, so I needed to get tutored.

My tutor was a high-school boy named Cal7.

Actually, Cal was not his given name.

The latter was unkown.

But he was going to study at Caltech. Thus he insisted in being known as Cal.

I didn’t mind that. I just wanted to learn enough to get any further.

Sucking too bad in my curricular classes would have gotten me expelled from extra-curricular activities, such as our basketball team.

This would have hurt me most.

2.2  Dream The Impossible

Still feeling pretty much alone, I was nevertheless looking forward to the adventures I was going to go through with pour baskeball team.

Coach Keller was verbally abusive. He complained about everything and urged us to train harder.

With such a suckish team we were never going to make it into the state championships.

But I could at least dream about it, just as I had dreamt about that girl to make it to Pacific Coast Academy, once upon a time.

And there was still my dream concerning a career as a playwright, preferrably making it to the Hall Of Fame of Broadway in New York City.

I wanted to stand in one row with Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, Sammy Davis Junior, and on and on and on it goes.

OK, we’ll see.

For the time being, I was only thinking about the upcoming match. I had to train hard with Michael.

Everything was so easy for my dark-skinned roomie.

He must have been born with a basketball in his hands.

Coach Keller’s training methods were not really convincing. He made us run and dribble up and down the gym, whistling mercilessly, until he decided to go and fetch some sushi from Kazu.

Thereupon, we were always left alone in the gym. We couldn’t but complain about the next opponent.

Alas, Logan started talking about our cheerleaders. “OK, I’ve hired the hottest chicks of some nearby private school as cheerleaders for our team.”

We boys started moaniung in anticipation.

2.3  Invisible Defender

Our first adversary was the team of Belleview from San Diego County.

We had been playeing for like ten minutes.

Without Michael, Belleview would have crushed us like lice.

But he helped us to survive and be somewhat safe from the onlookers’ merciless laughter.

Yet I had got a strange feeling.

It was like an invisible player backing our team, especially in the defense.

I did not dare to talk about this to anyone.

Maybe it was all connected to the girl’s voice in my ears calling out my name.

Alas, my concentration suffered badly from thinking about this.

Logan and Coach Keller complained permanently about this.

But Logan did not perform much better. He flunked a few free throws and dribblings. Worse than evcerything else, he kept on flirting recklessly with the cheerleader girls.

They had been hired from nearby Hollywood School of Art, another school sponsored essentially by Logan’s father.

Nevertheless, Logan had not met any of those girls before.

Wasn’t that totally sick?

How could Logan like any of those girls without having first even talked to either of them, and stuff.

Anyways, this was not really my probem.

In the middle of the first part of the match, Coach Keller disappeared again, just in order to fetch his sushi.

A few fans of our school were still cheering.

One of them was an elementary school kid called Dustin Brooks. He was very enthusiastic and waved his stingray banner over and over, no matter what.

The last enthusiastic of our fans was apparently Mark del Figgalo. He just moved the banner forth and back once in a minute, and he yawned heartily.

The stingray is the animal of Pacific Coast Academy’s crest.

Our cheerleaders appeared to cheer only for Logan.

But the hostile cheerleaders supported their whole team. They were lead by one Mandy Franklin.8

Coach Keller finally returned, his mouth stuffed with a sushi roll with tuna. He tried to yell at us, but he was fortunately obstructed by the dead fish.

The match went on.

I was driven forth and back by relentless remorses. I was such a bad player, wasn’t I?

Just look at Michael’s elegance, then compare and tell me!

The strange voice told me to be more careful, but for hardly any avail.

I ignored my invisible guardian for a second. Carelessly, I tried to block an adversary attacker.

But somehow, this action went awry.

I felt a sudden pain in my shoulders. I started to flounder, to reel, and, finally, to keel over. I saw the stars.

My consciousness left me behind on the barren floor.

2.4  Remember Me!

I woke up in a hoospital named St. Schneider’s9

My head was mostly bandaged with white linen.

I hoped it to be white linen.

Dr. Glazer10 walked in. He started examining the boy next bad.

This must have been the guy I had crashed into diuring the football match.

Dr. Glazer grinned. “He’s still alive. His mom owes me now 200 bucks.” Then he disappeared.

I coughed. “What a quack!”

The boy introduced himself, “my name is Drake. Drake Parker, to be precise.”

I replied with a tortured voice, “Chase Matthews. My middle name is Bartholomew, but keep that a secret!”

Drake grinned. “I hope my little sister doesn’t show up. She’s only seven, but such an incredible pest. She once pushed me out through a window.11”

I choked. “Bad girl!”

Drake moaned, “I hope I may still play the guitar, I want to be a great rock star. But Megan, my sister, insists in me becoming a hobo.”

I shrugged carelessly. “Little girls have too much fantasy.”

Drake nodded.

I confessed, “I’ve started to play a bit of guitar. But I’m more into country than into rock.”

Drake sighed.

I continued, “my real dream is authoring musicals for the Broadway>”

Drake gasped. “That’s quite some goal!” He moaned, “well, I’ve already got a little band. But there’s still a long way. Justin remember me in my victory, I will make it shine!”12

I smmiled. “That sounds like an idea for a song. I’m more of a lyricist than a musiacian, after all.”

Drake grinned. “Cool! Maybe it will be a very successful song. Of I course I will remember you when you make it shine at Broadway.”

I tried to high five with Drake.

But we were too tired for that.

The door opened.

Dustin Brooks walked in. “We lost without you,” moaned he. “My uncle, Dr. Glazer, let me in.”

I sighed.

Dustin explained, “here, I’ve got a cookie for you. My sister has made a few cookies and sent them to me. Maybe you like one. It will comfort you.”

Drake asked, “is she hot?”

Dustin did not want to answer this question about his sister.

Drake pouted.

Unfortunately, the cookie was not very sweet. But it was nevertheless totally tasty, with ginger, cinnamon, anise, and stuff.

“According to Zoey, sugar is bad for little boys,” replied Dustin. “She’s a bit protective.”

I shrugged. “Do you miss her?”

Dustin nodded sadly.

I pitied him. I had never made any similar experience.

But maybe this was a decent argument for getting Dean Rivers to open the school for girls?

Drake moaned, “your chool is boys only?”

I nodded solemnly. “Since almost one hundred years …”

Drake smiled. “So I would be safe from Megan?”

Dustin wondered, “who is Megan?”

Drake grunted, “an evil demon of your age.”

I concluded, ’“your little sister?”

Drake nodded painfully. “I must get mom to enroll me at your school, the Pacifist Anatomy, as long as it is a girl-free zone.”

I giggled. “Hey, but you want to meet many goirls that are not like your little sister!”

“Pacific Coast Academy,” boomed Dustin.

Drake moaned with despair. He continued, “things are now getting worse. My mom is going to marry again, some sloucher of a weather frog.”

Dustin beamed. “Bruce Windchill13? He’s cool!”

Drake shook his head, whimpering with pain. “the other one … Walter Nichols.”

Dustin puked. “Condolences …”

Walter Nichols was the worst of all possible weather reporters.

I wondered, “how was Drake going to survive that?”

Whatever, we swore to become famous, I as a playwright fro musicals at Broadway, Drake as a rock star and Hollywood idol.

Remember that: Nothing was going to stop us.

2.5  The one no one sees

Dr. Glazer dismissed me from hospital the very next day.

I was finally back to our campus.

The match of basketball had been lost.

This defeat depressed Michael somewhat.

But he was never going to give up.

Logan tried to make it all appear as my or Michael’s fault.

Michael grunted, “you didn’t tell us about the bad taste of the cheerleaders.”

Logan smiled. “What taste?”

I explained, “they all make out with you, and they ignore the rest of the team.”

Logan boomed, “hey, I’ve paid for the cheerleaders, and girls fall for the boys with good looks and a credit card. That has always been the case, and it will always be, until the end. And I have got both of these, while you haven’t. Bad luck for you, but that’s life!”

I glared aghast.

Michael wasn’t really keen on Logan’s statement, either.

Logan started ignoring us. He walked out. “I’m going to get me some sushi!” He was now gone.

Michael shrugged. “It’s really unfair. Logan played much worse than me, but he gets all the cheerleaders.”

“I know,” replied I. “but I performed poorly, so I probably deserve getting ignored.”

Michael growled, “dunno, you didn’t look very good, but you were quite efficient in the defense. You must have had sort of a guardian angel following you.”

“I haven’t seen anyone,” I admitted.

Michael nodded. “Maybe guardian angels are invisible?”

I shrugged helplessly. “It could be the girl of my first dream here? But I don’t want to think about it.”

Michael nodded. “All girls go to Logan, anyways.”

I sobbed. “But I’ve >found a way to do something about that. Some boys here have sisters. Maybe that’s the way to convince Rivers to open the school for girls?”

Michael looked aghast. He walked up and down, juggling a basketball on his fingertips. “Hey, that could really work!”

I smiled with excessive glee.

There was someone knocking at the door.

Logan never knocked.

I opened. “Cal?”

My tutor for science nodded. “OK< you’ve missed out on a few lessons, stuff about the weather, climatic zones, so I thought …”

I smiled. “That’s OK! As long as it isn’t Walter Nichols’s idiotic weather forecast …”

Cal shook his head. “No way!”

Michael left us alone, whistling a merry tune.

1
cf. Zoey 101 : Curse Of The PCA
2
cf. Zoey 101 : Great Vince Blake
3
cf. Zoey 101 : Chase’s Grandma
4
cf. Zoey 101 : Wrestling
5
cf. Zoey 101 : School Dance
6
cf. Zoey 101 : School Dance
7
cf. iCarly : iGo Nuclear
8
identifies cheerleader Mandy from Drake & Josh : Football with unportrayed ‘Makeout’ Mandy Franklin mentioned in Zoey 101 : Chasing Zoey
9
cf. Drake & Josh : Paging Dr. Drake
10
various cameos in Drake & Josh
11
cf. Drake & Josh: Peruvian Puff Pepper
12
alludes to Make It Shine by Victoria Justice, a song which I don’t own
13
mentionied occasionally in Drake & Josh

Chapter 3  School Garden

3.1  Gentle warmth

Compared to the occasionally quite aggressive winters of New England, coastal California was gifted with a tenderly warm climate.

Mr. Rudolph1, our teacher for biology, was talking a lot about the variety of vegetation of our region.

Michael wasn’t very attentive. He kept on singing Rudolph the red-nosed Reindeer2. Fortunately, he was not understood by our teacher.

Logan yawned heartily. He used classes for his cosmetic sleep.

Mr. Rudolph showed us a variety of plants growing nearby.

They were nothing like the plants I knew from my homelands.

Alas, sometimes the heat down here was not so gentle.

Wildfires were far from rare.

This made our vegetation suffer a lot.

But there was a county project to recultivate part of the lost vegetation.

Mr. Rudolph had decided, “we will participate in this quest and establish a school garden refostering part of our wildfire-decimated flora.”

Logan yawned heartily.

I wasn’t totally keen on that stuff, either.

Finally. the crass bell rang.

The lesson was over.

Logan walked out towards the campus yard like a zombie.

Michael had hitherto been totally lethargic, too, but now he was no longer bored.

I wondered why. “What’s going on?”

Michael grinned. “We should work in the garden project.”

I yawned. “No way! I hate work.”

Logan nodded solemnly.

Michael explained, “We may raise flowers and use them to impress the local girls.”

That did not sound too good.

I would probably feel like cheeting on the face and the voice in my head.

The vague reminiscence of the girl of my first dream had not yet budged from my mind.

Michael understood that. “Come on, that was certainly just an accident. And you don’t really know who your mystery girl is. You just think it’s someone from far away.”

I shrugged. “Maybe?”

Michael grabbed me and dragged me out.

3.2  Natural disaster

Back in my dorm, I started researching some details about recent wildfires.

Michael had already convinced me to participate in the project.

But Logan refused to do so. “OK, wildfires are just something normal. The weak must be extinguished, the strong will survive.”

I was consternated. “But wildfires are a natural disaster.”

Logan did apparently not share my opinion completely. He laughed like an idiot.

I coughed. “Logan?”

Michael did not know what to say.

Logan was now busy with some poster. He wanted to fix some to the wall. He collected pictures of supermodels, both male and fenale ones.

I panted. “How may you be so calm when our beds are burning?”3

Logan laughed hysterically. He thundered, “do you know what a real natural catastrophe is?”

I scratched my chin. “Earth quakes? Tsunami waves? Meteor impacts?”

Logan did not accept any of my answers.

I was desperate and gave up omn looking for an answer.

Logan solved the riddle, “the bush on your head is.”

I gasped. “How dare you? Michael, say something!”

Unfortunately, Michael happened to agree with Logan. He didn’t say it in such a harsh manner, but he did not really approve of bushy hair, either. Well, he almost had no hair at all.

I was thoroughly disappointed.

Logan unwrapped yet anothe rposter.

Formerly white walls were now all covered with Logan’s pictures.

I wondered about the biggest poster. “Who’s that?”

Logan explained, “That’s Bradley D’Impala4.”

Michae squealed, “Bradley who?”

Logan was annoyed. “Fools! Bradley D’Impala is one of the greatest models ever seen on the face of this earth. He’s the epitome of hotness, no strings attached. He’s from Transylvania. There are many start models in the eastern european countries, such as Yurgin5. But D’Impala is the cream of the cream.”

D’Impala appeared to be Logan’s example to live up to.

Michael sighed.

Logan declared, “unless you learn to look like him, you won’t have any success with girls.”

I sighed deeply.

There was no way for me to learn to look like Bradley D’Impala.

Did that even make sense?

Michael had no clue how to do that, either.

Logan was finally done adorning our wall.

A picture of female supermodel Diana Vosh6 loomed over Logan’s head,

Michael beamed with excessive delight.

I shook him lightly. “Earth to Michael!”

“I guess I need to buy a pair of sunglasses,” remarked Michael.

I wondered why.

My pal explained, “that’s because of the plain white teeth and the aquamarine eyes of some of those guys and lasses.”

I took a closer look.

Their grin and their splendid teeth could really have blinded onlookers.

We decided to walk out and look for a place for the school park.

3.3  Old oak

Circumambulating our campus, we came to various places.

Of course we could not cultivate plants on the parking lot or in the fountain.

But there were a few more promising places.

Michael was slightly tired. He walked up to some oaken tree and sad down in its shadow.

I gasped. “Before WW II, a fiery accident caused by walnut harvesters destroyed thousands of oaks.”

Mr. Rudolph had mentioned that.

Michael didn’t realy care. “This oak gives a lot of shadow at this time of the day.”

I had to agree solemnly.

There were days where shadow was rare, but desperately needed.

I sat down near Michael. Bored, I dug my fingers into the soil. “Would this soild be good enough for growing impressive flowers?”

Michael had no glue. “If the soil’s fertile enough for growing such a big oak, it will also be good enough fro smaller flowers. But what if the oak’s shaow blocks out too much of the sun’s light?”

I gasped. “Dang! I haven’t thought of that. Is there a way to measuere this?”

Michael shrugged, thundering, “I’m not a stupid science freak!”

“I know,” replied I with a much lower voice.

But this gave me an idea.

Maybe Cal was able to measure something?

I grabbed my cellular phone.

Michael wondered, “what are you doing?”

I sighed. “I’m asking my science tutor …”

Michael shrugged helplessly.

Unfortunately, cal wasn’t home.

I had to try again later on.

Michael also wondered, “how old is that tree, anyways?”

I replied, “Oh, that you may infer from counting rings in the tree trunk.”

Michael replied, “hey, we would have to cut down the oak in order to do that!”

I gasped and lookd puzzled. “Damn’ right!”

Michael shrugged. “Maybe your ‘Cal’ has got a better idea!”

I boomed, “he is not my ‘Cal’, but he just happens to tutor me.”

Michael shrugged again. “Whatever you call it!”

3.4  Ancient willow

The next day, I met my tutor in the lounge.

Cal grinned. “do you want to win a science fair?” He apparently read my message about the garden project.

I shook my head. “Never! I can’t stand those science nerds, such as Wayne Gilbert.”

Cal grunted. Of course, he was a science nerd, too.

I was embarrassed by my stupid statement. “There are some exceptions, though!”

Cal cackled. “OK, thanks, but that wouldn’t be easy. This year, I’ve lost to a seventh grade girl from San Diego Belleview.”

I gasped.

Cal sighed. “It’s very embarrassing. Her name is Melinda Crenshaw. But don’t tell Wayne Gilbert about that. I’d become the ridicule of the whole school.”

I sighed deeply.

Wayne Gilbert, or, as he was going to be called the year after, ‘Firewire’, and his pals Andrew and Neal were very arrogant.

I tried to avoid them rigorously at any cost.

Cal continued, “Melinda knows about genetic engineering7 and about laser physic8.”

I could not even pronounce those words. “What’s that?”

Cal knew very well about the futility of any attempt of explaining these subjects unto some complete idiot like myself. He panted and sighed.

I shrugged. “OK, so … may you help us with cultivationg plants lost in recent wildflowers? I’m essentially interested in flowers.”

Cal coughed. “Flowers? They are not hard to recultivate. Try trees. There’s some ancient willow growing not far from here. Before some past wildfire, the whole gulch had been full of willows, but now only one of them is still standing. I’ve received some scientific inspiration just by walking around the oak.”

I told him about Michael’s oak.

Cal nodded. “But don’t forget: Each plant has its own optimal soil. What is good for a willow may be bad for an oak, of for one or the other flower.”

I replied, “but flowers are more impressive for girls. It’s a bit hard to gather a bouquet of willows and use it as a gift …”

Cal laughed insanely. “Certainly, that’s an argument.”

I wondered, “is there any way to measure what spot is good for what sort of plant?”

Cal nodded carefully. “Some chemical and microbiological analysis of the soil would certainly help you finding out.”

I hated chemistry.

My task for the following days was now collecting samples of the soil in various spots on the campus nearby.

Cal was going to do the scientific analysis.

3.5  Flowers in the ashes

A more or less thorough scrutiny of the soil found in various spots all over the campus had reveiled spots most suited for growing certain sorts of flowers.

I started with daffodils.

Stu Laserbeam9, Michael’s tutor for social science, had chosen some flower seeds for us.

I started digging the soil.

Janitor Herb10 walked past us. “OK, what’s that? Have you got Dean Rivers’s permit for digging the soil right here?”

We looked flabbergasted.

Michael squealed, “Hey, it’s a project for biology classes!”

I nodded solemnly. “Ask Mr. Rudolph! We’re refostering plants lost in recent wildfires.”

Janitor Herb shrugged. “OK? But you need to protect your plants better.”

I glared at Michael.

He gasped and glared back at me.

Neither of us had thought of that.

We needed a fence around the flower plantation, as well as a label stuck to it, explaining the situation.

Michael walked away in order to fetch some material for the fence.

I was left alone. Using nothing but my fingers, I drew some outline of the future plantation.

Dustin Brooks walked past me. “Hey!”

I waved back at him. “Hey, Dustin!”

The little kid smiled. “What are you doing here?”

I explained, “it’s a ‘biology project’, we’re planting flowers.”

Dustin shrugged. “And that’s fun?”

I explained, “Michael and I, we’re into girls. And girls love flowers.”

Dustin smiled. “Cool!” He was only seven years old, but he already thought about impressing girls. He was sure far ahead of his time. Then he started helping me to dig.

Michael returned with a few wooden sticksm a hammer, and a brass label.

We made a fence around the fledgling plantation.

Dustin wondered, “OK, so, what do we have to write onto the label?”

Michael suggested, “danger! Keep out!”

Dustin protested, “we elementary school kids love to venture into danger zones.”

I sighed. “OK, maybe not such a good idea.”

Michael panted. “I guess … we need to write the name of our project onto the label.”

Dustin wondered, “what is it called?”

I looked dumbfounded.

We had not yet got a name for it.

But given the connection of the project to losses from wildfire, such a name was not hard to find.

I suggested, “How about “Flowers in the ashes”?”

Michael beamed, “yeah, that’s cool!”

Dustin cheered. “Flowers in the ashes!”

I engraved the name carefully.

Michael was already made swoon by the thought of girls receiving those flowers as a gift from us.

1
mentioned inZoey 101 : Lola Likes Chase
2
poem I don’t own created by Robert May, later used by various singers
3
alludes to Beds Are Burning, a song by Midnight Oil Runners which I don’t own.
4
cf. True Jackson VP : True Fear
5
cf. iCarly : iCarly Awards
6
cf. Drake & Josh : megan’s Revenge
7
cf. Drake & Josh : Honor Council
8
cf. Drake & Josh :Mindy Loves Josh
9
cf. True Jackson VP : The Gift
10
cf. Zoey 101 : Defending Dustin

Chapter 4  School Theatre

4.1  Imitation of Life

The pacific Coast Academy had got a drama club, like almost every school.

But the vicinity to Hollywood implied certain elevated expectations.

Malcolm Reese, the biggest producer of Hollywood, was not sponsoring our school for zilch reason.

The responsible adviser of our club was one Mr. Fletcher1. He had already worked at the Broadway together with Sofia Michelle2, currently most played script author up there.

Mrs. Michelle was my great example to live up to.

Her working motto was that of making theatre a remake of life.

This was quite some goal to work for.

I had not yet understood the meaning of Sofia’s big words. But I kep ton learning.

I would grasp Sofia’s ways only at the age of like fifteen.

There had been a theatre group at my elementary school, too.

But our adviser had never given me a real chance to get my own works performed.

Elementary school teacher can be so stubbornly arrogant.

I had written various plays already at the age of eight.

Granted, there was nothing in them able to hold a candle to Sofia Michelle.

Mr. Fletcher talked to me.

I was excited. I hoped so for siing my first play performed on a stage.

Mr. Fletcher started. “OK, Chase, this year, we have already decided on the plays for our public performance, and those are old, thoroughly tested scripts of plays performed at many schools’ drama clubs.”

I was a disappointed.

Mr. Fletcher continued, “but I’ve sent one of your scripts to Sofia Michelle.”

I choked. Would she hate my scripts?

Sofia Michelle’s approval would have helped me certainly a lot faster.

But her disapproval could have broken me.

Michael had tried hard to calm me down. “That Michaela Sophy is just a human like us, not a god!”

This did not work. “It is Sofia Michelle, not Michaela Sophy!”

Michael moaned with disgust.

4.2  Sensation of Loss

Mr. Fletcher had gathered his class. “This year’s spring performance will be Finally Falling by Sofia Michelle.”

I smiled with glee.

Mr. Fletcher panted. “Oh, Chase, there’s an answer from Mrs. Michelle. We have to talk about it.”

My heart started missing the beats.

Then the adviser talked about out play. “OK, it is like this: A beautiful girl has to decide between a rich nobleman and his humble servant. She goes for the latter.”

I moaned.

Michael had noticed it, too. “That sounds like someone choosing between Logan and you.”

I grinned.

Yeah, Logan was absolutely secure in the knowledge of each and every girl choosing him over me, no exception, period.

Mr. Fletcher gave us the scripts for the auditions. Then he was finally talking about Sofia’s reply, “OK, Chase, Mrs. Michelle does indeed see that there is something in your plays.”

I smiled.

Mr. Fletcher continued, “she wouldn’t deem yopur plays to be bad, but they are, well, how to say it best, they are just not good.”

I gasped with dismay. “I’ve worked on them for several years, night for night.” I kicked a table.

Michael tries to calm me down. “Chase! The whole thing isn’t worth so much trouble.”

I poked Michael. “It is!”

Needless to say, my previously blossoming interest in our upcoming performance was really fast sinking to zilch.

I walked back to my dorm in order to weep my eyes off my face.

Michael shrugged helplessly.

In addition, Logan was probably expecting me in order to make excessive fun of my dreams. He had never approved of my career. “Playwrights are losers. Girls don’t want losers, they want guys like me!”

4.3  Broken spirit

During the following days, Michael kept on trying in vain to cheer me up.

But I had already given up on any spark of hope.

Sofia Michelle’s judgment had hit me like a titan’s axe , cleaved my skull into smithereens, and split my brain asunder.

I was hardly able to eat, sleep, or drink. I had even forgotten about the mystery girl’s voice in my ears.

The voice had kept on talking me alive during many weeks.

Logan had attached a new poster of Brad D’impala to the wall.

I had already started burning my scripts.

Of course there were strict rules agaist open fire in our dormitory halls.

I had usually gone to the beach with my scripts and some lucifer matches.

The smell of burning paper maked me weep all over the beach.

The wind had blown the ashes all over the area.

Maybe some particularly strong gust was able to whirl those thousands of incinerated words and letter all over the continent.

Some particularly dark and annoying cloud could halt abover New York City, right above the sacred halls of the Broadway, and make the remainders of a prematurely destroyed career rain down on the heads of all the established stars of the the halls of fame of this eternal centre of top-level entertainment.

Maybe some particularly heavy rain drop, no, some fat hail grain, was going to make its way from a way right above the head of Sofia Michelle down to the arrogant skull of the star playwright, causing a little scratch.

At least the cloud of ashes and dust could block out all the sun light over the Broadway for good.

Hey, those were really mean thoughts!

No, I was not really ready to sink down to the level of a Logan Reese like a block of steel concrete.

But it hurt so much.

4.4  A Path To Follow

The next morning, I sat lethargically in my English classes, taught by Mr. Callaghan3.

The teacher had to make several stupid remarks about my attention, or, rather, the ferociously gaping lack of it.

Logan alwayts grinned sadistically.

Michael tried to get me to follow to the lessons.

But those weak attempts did not really have much of an effect.

Ultimately, Mr. Callaghan needed to bestow Michael with detention.

This wasn’t quite fair.

Michael had just tried to help me.

All of a sudden, the megaphone started yelling.

Beverly, the secretary of Dean Rivers, made some stupid remarks.

I must have marginally heard the words Sophia Michelle.

Maybe it was just a dream.

I was sure fantasising about the whole junk.

But Michael had heard them, too.

Now I remembered vaguely some words previously uttered by mr. Fletcher.

Mrs. Michelle was going to come to Los Angeles in order to attend the performance of her plays currently practised in various prep schools.

And we were one of those schools.

The lessons were finally over.

My thoughts circled around the possibilities of hiding from Sofia Michelle.

I thought about turning sick, hiding in one of the subterranean closets, and other strange things.

But, finally, it was too late.

I stumbled towards the door, my eyes closed, just in order to see … Sofia Michelle.

The star author wondered, “is this Mr. Chase Matthews?”

I shook my head. “My name is … well … Bartholomew … but don’t tell anyone!” I was looking for a rat hole in order to hide from a murderous cat from New York City.

Wasn’t it enough for her to have already destroyed my hopes and my dreams in a letter to Mr. Fletcher?

Did she have to humiliate me face to face in front of some dozenbs of pupils and teachers?

Mr. Callaghan shook his head. “You may always recognise Mr. Matthews due to his excessively bushy head!”

I was ready to slump dead to the floor.

Sofia grunted, “Mr. Matthews, we have to talk!”

There was a gap for me to escape.

But Michael blocked it.

That was so mean!

I stammered some useless chitchat.

Mrs. Michelle started, “OK, Chase, what sort of name is that, anyways!” Ahe shook her head.

I trembled.

Sofia explained, “Mr. Stu Laserbeam has recently contacted me, talking about your situation. I’m sorry.”

I shrugged.

My works were crap.

Did it matter how she said it?

Sofia continued, “see, when I judged your plays in a reply for your adviser, Mr. Fletcher, I was jealous!”

Michael whispered, “Aw, how may a woman of thirty years and something be jealous of a tweenie boy?”

I didn’t understand, either.

Sofia giggled. “Your works are … much better than anything I wrote at your age!”

Michael’s brain was shortcircuited.

I sobbed. “I knew it!” I was close to dropping dead. “Wait … you said … better than what?”

Sofia sighed deeply. “In twenty years, you may be playwright number one at the Broadway. This was too much for me to bear.”

4.5  Flashes of Euphoria

Needless to say, my mood had been changing over night.

And the day of our première performance had come.

Originally, I had not wanted to be in the play.

But Sofia Michelle insisted in seeing me also on the stage.

Thus Mr. Fletcher was compelled to give me the main rôle.

I had been all hyper during the last three days before the first performance. Alas, I had not asked Mr. Fletcher about the rôle to perform as. After all, I had known all of the text almost by heart.

But, of course, it was necessary to assign a rôle to me.

Mr. Fletcher told me, “you get the main character!”

I cheered and bounced around. “Yeah, the main character!”

That appeared to be a great performance for me.

But then I had to think about it. “Wait, Mr. Fletcher, I …”

The adviser turned around. “Chase, nobody else in Los Angeles has ever understood the meaning of Sofia Michelle’s works as well as you do.”

I gasped. “Really?”

Sofia Michelle nodded.

But I had to object. “the main character is female!”

Mr. Fletcher nodded solemnly. “And the problem is?”

I stammered, “I’m male!”

Michael stood next to me. He giggled mercilessly.

Mr. Fletcher adjusted his glasses. “Oops, I didn’t know that.”

I fainted.

The adviser giggled. He started explaining, “really, thePacific Coast Academy is a boys-only school.”

I choked.

Mr. Fletcher continued, “you may be here since fall only, but this should have been enough for you to realise this fact.”

Of course I had done so. I was totally pale.

Glen Davis, one of the actors, grunted, “the girls’ rôles are acted by transvested boys.”

Mr. Fletcher nodded solemnly. “This has always been the case at Pacific Coast Academy.”

I stomped my feet. That was horrible!

Alas, it was not my first female rôle.

Once upon a time, I had been a flower girl at one of my uncles’ weddings.4.

That had been a humiliating experience.

I hoped for nobody hear at this school to find out.

Even my fear of racoons5 was less embarrassing than that.

I stammered timidly, “who’s the guy I have to kiss? I do have to kiss the servant of the rich snob, don’t I?”

Mr. Fletcher nodded solemnly.

Nicholas Webber provided me with a girl’s wig and a sort of a gown.

I coughed and sweated.

Finally, Mr. Fletcher showed me my ‘dream boy’.

“Mark?” I bellowed at the top of my lungs.

That was my most humiliating experience on stage.

But I had to go through it. I was going to need some means of desinfection.

The disgusting thought about Mark’s germs made me shudder like an earthquake.

In the end, Sofia Michelle shrugged. “Fortunately, your goal is the path of a playwright, not that of an actor.”

Mr. Fletcher nodded solemnly.

I smiled. Yes, I really knew hat I wanted.

1
cf. Zoey 101 : The Play
2
cf. Victorious : Tori The Zombie
3
cf. Zoey 101 : Webcam
4
cf. Zoey 101 : Zoey’s Balloon
5
cf. Zoey 101 : School Dance

Chapter 5  First Party

5.1  Resonating hunger

I was sitting in my room, doing my homework along with Michael.

Logan was still at Sushi Rox.

We wondered, “it’s time for some fun at this school.”

Michael nodded solemnly. “No party so far! I mean … There was homecoming, but we sixth graders were not really involved.”

I sighed deeply.

We had had to stand in a queue for the parade of the alumni.

But all fun was reserved for the older pupils.

In this moment, Logan returned from dinner. “OK, guess what?”

I shrugged.

Michael squealed, “free softdrinks at the bar?”

Logan chuckled and shook his head. “Nopes. But this year’s spring fling is around the corner!”

I gasped, “Who will be flung?”

Michael suggested, “they should fling Mr. Hotchins off the school.”

Logan grinned like a hyena. “Come on! The fling is a big party taking place at Pacific Coast Academy, once in a year!”

I beamed. “Yeah! Finally a party!”

Michael cheered and bounced around like nobody’s bloody business.

Logan continued, “and I amd the head of the organisation team.”

I coughed. “What are you organising?”

Logan chuckled. “The party, you noob! Foord, drinks, music, and, what do we need most of all at a party of a boys-only school?”

Michael scratched his head. “Not horses! I hate horses! Tell me that you don’t organise a horse race!”

I grabbed my guitar, and I started to play some tune.

The camptown ladies sing that song
Dooday! Dooday!
The camptown racetrack’s five miles long
Dooday! Doo-da-day!

Logan shook his head. “What’s up with horses?”

Michael refused to talk about it. He just hated them, for whatevcer reason.

I kept on singing.

Going to run all night
Going to run all day.
I bet my money on the bob-tailed nag
Someone bet on the hay.

Michael grabbed me, shaking the living hell out of me. “Stop singing that stupid song!”

I gasped. “Michael! That’s my guitar!”

Michael scratched his earlobes. “And these are my ears you’re about to ruin!”

I sighed horribly. “How about this?” I performed another folk song.

Beautiful dreamer
Awaken to to me!
Starlight and dew drops
Are waiting for thee!

Michael shrugged. “OK, you may play this at the party. But what do we need most at this school?”

Logan continued, “the school is boys-only, thus we need girls at our party! And I’m going to organise them.”

I cheered.

Michael bounced up and down.

Logan explained, “and Chase’s music will scare girls away!”

I glared aghast.

But Logan insisted in his orders. “By, the way, the giirls will be reserved all for me!”

I sighed deeply.

Michael was thoroughly disappointed.

I suggestd, “hey, I know a cool future rock star.”

Logan chuckled. “You never know anyone cool except me, and you will never do!”

I gasped.

Michael pouted.

Logan explained, “rock stars are girl magnets. They will distract the girls away from me. That’s why there won’t be any rock star, neither of the present, the future, or the past.”

I sighed deeply with excessive disappointment.

But we were looking forward to the food. The three of us were sure going to turn hungry during the party.

5.2  A White Rose

I walked the school garden, along with Michael.

Not too many weeks ago, we had planted our first flowers.

Some of them had been up to growing very fast.

Michael explained, “you see, the flowers will come right in time in order to impress the girls visiting for our fling!”

I nodded solemnly. “Logan is too much of a jerk to think of flowers! Maybe that’s your chance?”

Michael shrugged. “A jerk he is, but he will probably use his credit cards in order to buy long-stemmed roses from Interflor.”

I sighed. “I would be content with simple flowers from a meadow. But I’m not a girl.”

Michael giggled. “You have been a great girl at the performance of Finally Falling!”

I grunted, “Do you have to rub salt into my aching wounds?”

Michael giggled. “Hey, this makes you an expert for all girly things for the next few years at least …”

I grabbed Michael, asking “at least until when?”

Michael sighed. “Until girls get admitted to ’buildingPacific Coast Academy?”

I shrugged. “Maybe … some day in far future …”

Michael asked, “we should hand Dean Rivers a written petition!”

I nodded. “I’ve thought of that. Dustin Brooks, that little bugger you’ve seen sometimes scurrying around, has got a sister whom he misses sometimes. This will convince Dean Rivers easier than any talk about potential girlfriends.”

Michael grinned. “That sounds cool!”

We circumspected the flower plantation.

I screamed, “wow, a white rose!”

Michael beamed. “And it looks to be ready to be plucked right for the spring fling!”

I nodded solemnly.

But there was only one of them.

And we were two boys.

For that avail, we had to make a choice.

Michael took a coin. “Head, you lose … tail, I win!”

I nodded solemly, agreeing with those rules.

Michael flipped the buck. “Tail! The white rose is mine!”

I grunted with disappointment. Only the day after did I realise the whole thing as an unfair deal.

But then it was too late.

I had to do with some little pansies.

Michael wasnow triumphantly to watching the girls arriving at our spring fling.

5.3  That’s all I ask of you

The great day was there.

Many boys and girls from other schools had promised to come.

Logan had been able to organise everything.

Michael had just fetched a cup of mango juice. “Bristow Juices … what’s that?”

Logan sighed. “The company selling those drinks. It is located in Kansas. And Kansas sucks. But the juice is OK.”

There was a face of a cute girl of about ten years on the bottom of the cups.

Only later were we going to know more about that.

It was the face of Nicole, the daughter of the juice producer.

Logan had hired a lame gospel band. As said, he was too afraid of the competition of hot rock guitarists like Drake Parker.

Some of the girls were known to us as hired cheerleaders.

But there were othewr girls, too.

I remembered Mandy Franklin from San Diego.

She had been a cheelreader of Drake’s school team.

I asked her carefully, “you’ve made the whole trip from there just for our party? Wow!”

Mandy replied arrogantly, “hey! That was the most stupid attempt of any boy ever trying to hit on me!” She snarled.

I gasped. I had not even tried to hit on her.

Michael chuckled.

I poked him.

Michael grunted, “hey, he was just curious!”

A girl standing near Mandy walked over to us. “Sorry for my cousin. My name is Karen Franklin1. My uncle is the headmaster of a school in Seattle. And you are?”

I sighed. “Chase Matthews from Upstate.”

Karen smiled.

Michael introduced himself. “Michael Barret!” He hesitated for a moment. “You’re really cool!”

Karen chuckled. “Of course I am! By the way, your hair is bushy!”

I sighed bitterly.

Karen grinned. “But your hair is hot. Want to dance with me?”

Michael squealed. “Yeah, sure!”

The hired band played some pop songs from the seventies.

But Karen and Michael did not care.

I was still left alone.

Why did girls get scared by my bushy hair?

Michael played his next trump. “Do you like flowers, Karen?”

The girl replied, “depends on the flower?”

Michael shrugged. “OK, what about this one?” He showed Karen the white rose from our garden.

Karen smiled with glee. “Wow! That wasn’t really necessary, for a first date that is …”

Michael shrugged.

Karen smiled. “But it’s OK for now. But my birthday will be in a week. You’re invited. And don’t think about gifts!”

Michael shrugged. “Really? You don’t want any gift?”

Karen shook her head. “No, I don’t!”

Michael asked thrice.

The answer remained the same.

Michael finally accepted it.

Now I needed something to eat.

Alas, Logan had just organised luke-warm weiners.

Michael protested, “they aren’t hot, why do you call them hot dogs?”

I shrugged cluelessly.

“My favourite hot dogs are Robin’s weiners2,” explained Karen. “When I come to Seattle, uncle Theodore, the principal of Ridgeway, takes us always to a trip to Robin’s snack booth.”

Too bad, this was too far away …

5.4  I hate love

The next week, Michael and I were invited to Karen’s birthday party in Orange County.

Mandy Franklin was there as well.

Logan had not been invited to this party. He deemed a girl liking Michael a downright loser girl. Thus he boycotted the party. Alas, when pronouncing his decision, he had not known about Mandy being there, too. He had totally got the hots for the cheerleader girl.

Karen collected some gifts from visitors.

That was strange.

She had previously asked Michael to refrain from making a gift. But now she asked, “so, what’s your gift, Michael?”

My best pal coughed. “My gift? Why?”

Karen grinned. “It’s my birthday, and I expect gifts from everyone.”

Michael was consternated. “But you told me not to …”

Karen turned angry. “Hey! That was just a polite formality. You don’t take thise serious, do you?”

Michael trembled with agony.

Karen’s mood had turned extremely stinky.

I had bought a gift for Karen. But I refused to actually hand it over.

Nobody was allowed to treat my pal Michael like this!

We were forced to leave the party and return to the Pacific Coast Academy right oin site.

Michael had turned himself into a desperate fool for just a few hours of love.

Aw, now he started hating love!

5.5  Ghost of a rose

The next week was terrible.

Michael had locked himself into his wardrobe, and he started playing his transversal flute. He insisted in the flute being held transversally, just like a corn crop.

This was thitherfrom going to be his ritual whenever feeling blue.

I had ordered some sushi for us.

But even the scent of fresh rice and fish could not persuade my best pal into leaving his hideous hideout.

Michael started picking some sad tunes.

All of his hopes were lost.

He was probably never going to trust any girl anymore.

Logan just laughed about the situation.

He had been angry because of missing out on an occasion to see Mandy Franklin again.

The white rose had now been withering away.

What had Karen done to the rose?

I did not know.

Neither did Michael.

Whenever roaming the school’s garden, we were going to be reminded sadly of that annoying incident.

The ghost of the rose was now about haunting Michael for good, wasn’t it?

1
mentioned in Zoey 101 : Elections and in iCarly : iStage An Intervention
2
cf. iCarly : iBelieve In Bigfoot

Chapter 6  PCA With A Chance Of Coeducation

6.1  A beacon of hope

As already written, Dustin had got an elder sister.

He was not the only boy here at the Pacific Coast Academy with female relatives going to school, or being school bound during the next years.

And this should have been a way to convince the school’s board into turning the school coeducative.

Stu Laserbeam, Michael’s tutor for economics, explained “it’s a matter of supply and demand. The demand for girls at this school is thus certainly here.”

I had been building a list of boys on here with female relatives as potential future pupils.

Mark had got that second cousin.

Wrestling bull Scott Ridgemont had got a cousin named Dana.

‘Firewire’ had got a little sister.

Even Michael could scratch one or the other third cousin off his crusty mind.

Logan could contribute a really long list.

“So, how are they related to you,” asked Michael.

Logan giggled. “Not at all. They are just incredibly hot. And I’m not incestuous.” He beamed proudly. “Just to make it clear once more … all the female studennts at this school in my reange of age woill be reserved for me!”

I coughed violently. “Are you insane? We’re not making lists of potential girlfriends. We’re going to show that there are parents intersted in sending their daughters to this school, enough to warrant a switch of the Pacific Coast Academy to coeducativity.”

Logan looked dumbfounded. “Hey, there are a few step-sisters and step-cousins, and step-step-cousins and so on … do they count? My dad had been married and divorced already five times.”

I sighed. “If you have preserved any contact to your step-mothers and step-aunts ort step-uncles … you need to give the parents as references.”

Logan sighed. “Usually it is out of sight, out of mind. And those two step-mothers I still talk to haven’t got daughters or nieces. Or maybe I just don’t know …”

Michael shook his head. “This won’t help us any further.”

Alas, the list of references was now long enough in order to warrant an audience with Dean Rivers, talking about that subject.

6.2  The end of something better — The beginning of something worse

Michael accompanied me to the Dean.

It had not been easy to agree on a date for a conversation.

We had entered the administration centre of the Pacific Coast Academy.

Even the staff here was all male.

The secretary made us sit down.

Finally, Dean Rivers arrived. He grunted, “what are those kids doing here?”

The secretary didn’t say anything.

Of course we had fixed an appointment.

But those guys in charge never cared …

Dean Rivers started, “what are you trying to waste my time with?”

Michael squealed, “we’ve told you already on the phone …”

Dean Rivers grunted, “many people talk absurd nonsense when calling me on the phone.”

I stammered, “it’s about a few changes at this school.”

Dean Rivers shook his head. “The Pacific Coast Academy is the most respected Californian prep school. The statistics during the last five decades tell us that all colleges esteem our graduates highly. Our alumni are in the command in the centre of the world of business, politics, the Navy, the Marines, and even Hollywood, you know about Malcolm Reese. You will see everything during next year’s homecoming celebrations. We could only change the school into something worse.”

Of course we knew about Logan’s dad, the king of Hollywood producers. We were also looking forward to next homecoming.

Michael remarked, “But it has got one disadvantage …”

Dean Rivers glared aghast. “What? You dare to call our school as disadvantageous? Are you insane …”

I stammered. “the problem is … the schools is boys only.”

Dean Rivers thundered, “is that all you boys of today can think about? Girls? You’re so decadent and perverted. But this is a school, not a flirting centre.”

We should have seen that reaction coming.

I countered, “today, many women are found in significant positions of politics, business, science, sports, and so on. The times of kids-and-kitchen women are gone. Girls , too, need a good education.”

Dean Rivers shrugged. “Oh, is it really like this?”

Michael nodded vigorously.

Then I grabbed my list. “We’ve gathered a list of potential parents of girls interested in sending their daughters to Pacific Coast Academy.”

Dean Rivers was slightly impressed. “Where is that list from?”

I explained, “some of us boys here have got sisters, cousins, neighbours’ daughters, etc. in the appropriate age.”

Dean Rivers sighed deeply. “Do you know how many attepts there have been to make the school coeducative?”

I shook my head.

“Three during the last fiver years,” reported Dean Rivers.

Michael squealed, “you see? Many want girls to come hereto …”

Dean Rivers replied, “your list of parents may have been a nice try, but there are also those parents who don’t want their boys to grow up with girls.”

I boomed, “they are sick!”

Michael nodded with excruciating determination.

Dean Rivers continued, “ultimately, I don’t own this school, I’m just administrating it. The last word about this can’t be mine.”

Michael and I, we looked aghast.

Dean Rivers explained, “Mr. Bradford1, the founder of this school, was adamantly opposed to coeducation. It spoils the chgaracter of the boys and the whole society.”

“He was insane,” whispered Michael.

Dean Rivers coughed, “what?”

Michael shook his head. “I haven’t said anything!”

Dean Rivers continued. “his son, current owner, isn’t much better. You may have better luck with his wife.”

Too bad the wives of leading persons used to be psychopaths or church ladies, or, in the worst case, both of those.

Dean Rivers could ask the parents, but he was not avble to decide on anything.

Besides Mr. Bradford and the parents, there were also the alumni and the executive board.

The only one to rely on was young executive chairman Garth Berman2.

6.3  Bribing the Devil

It wasn’t easy to get an appointment with Mrs. Bradford.

Dean Rivers needed to phone here and there, and forth and back.

The first lady of the Pacific Coast Academy was apparently very busy.

Finally, there was that appointment in the office of Dean Rivers.

The first lady was maybe between fifty and seventy years old.

But we didn’t really care.

She plastered a stern grimace.

Dean Rivers’s blood froze during each and every visit of a member of the foundation family.

Mrs. Bradford grunted, “OK, my diabolic husband would have been a much more responsible family man upon growing up with girls than at his dad’s boys-only academy case.”

That sounded cool.

Michael nodded vigorously, inspite of not knowing Mr. Bradford.

Mrs. Bradford continued, “but he has got those stern idiotic convictions. He’s more stubborn than a pack of mules.”

We sighed deeply.

Mrs. Bradford admitted, “however, there’s one thing he believes most in, and that is the green stuff.”

Michael squealed, “plants? We’ve goit a school garden!”

Dean Rivers boomed, “not that green stuff … dollars, bucks, …the Bradford family had been into the stock exchange business for many generations.”

Michael sighed and banged his head against the table.

The old lady explained, “that’s it, enough money may change his mind.”

I stammered, “we don’t have enough money to bribe the devil … oops!”

Mrs. Bradford had got a hard time suppressing the grin. “What I mean … the prospects of a coeducative academy being more profitable than the current Pacific Coast Academy will sure change his mind, at least for the time being.”

I looked flabberghasted. “Opening the school for girls means more potential students, thus more incomes from tuition fees, and thus more …”

Dean Rivers shook his head. “you’re so naïve, Matthews!”

I hated being referred to by surname only.

Michael looked dumbfounded.

Dean Rivers explained, “we’ve polled the parents. There are a few of them that don’t want their sons to grow up with girls. But those are just a few. Most of them don’t mind. They just want to send their sons to the best school they can afford. And we are, after all, simply the best. As long as we may maintain that level, we are safe. But we need to take into account a huge amount of costs.”

I aked, “what costs?”

Dean Rivers explained, “we need to dedicate some of the dormitory buildings to girls. That requires asome works, such as repainting the dormitory walls in pink …” He coughed for disgust.

I shrugged. “Girls need pink walls?”

Michael scratched his head.

Dean Rivers also mentioned different toilets. “We need to assigntoilets for girls, and other toilets for boys. Girls’ toilets need to be equipped differently.”

I had to admit, “I don’t understand anything about girls …”

Dean Rivers went on and on.

Many points had to be considered in order to compare the costs for going coeducative with the potential benefits.

We needed to come up with a decent calculation.

This was possibly going to convince even the devil, oops, Mr. Bradford.

Stuart Laserbeam was sure going to help us.

6.4  If Looks Could Kill

Stu had actually been able to elaborate a plan concerningthe potential costs of going coeducative. Even more, he was going to represent us pupils in thge meeting of the school’s board and Mr. Bradford.

The old tooter was supposed to be very dangerous.

His eyes had the ability to kill any pupil on site.

Or so did certain juniors and seniors tell us. They had barely survibed an encounter with Mr. Bradford.

Now we had been waiting anxiously for the outcome of the meeting.

Logan was just watching his own face in a mirror. “Ain’t my looks perfect today? Wait, I’m alays looking perfect!” He grinned viciously.

Michael shrugged and shivered.

I was also too excited.

There was a knock at the door.

I opened carefully.

Stu Laserbeam stood in the door.

My heart dropped down to my knews, if not lower.

Stu grinned. “Hello.”

Michael shivered.

Stu explained, “he’s really a hell of a tough nut. Mr. Bradford, that is.”

I had expected that and nodded solemnly.

Stu panted heavily. “OK, it was a march through hell. Garth Berman, the executive chairman, was on our side. But that was only a little step. Mr. Bradford kept on talking about the decay of values at coeducative schools. Only after over an hour did we arrive at talking about the financial side.”

The suspense increased.

I asked, “so what?”

Stu panted and moaned, “Mr. Bradford found those numbers interesting, but he needed more safety. We need to give them the names of potential enterprises ready to do the necessary works for the amount listed in our calculations. In addition, we need to find female staff, especially a dorm adviser, willing to work here for the low salaries granted by Mr. Bradford.”

I sighed deeply.

Stu concluded, “but if we come up with those solutions untoil the opening party of next season’s homecoming week, Mr. Bradford and the alumni will open the schools for girls as early as in 2004.”

I beamed.

This was only one year later.

But there were a lot of things left to do.

Logan grinned. “My dad is in the sponsor’s board. I’ve talked him into helping a bit towards that decision.”

We sighed.

Logan should have told us a bit earlier, shouldn’t he?

6.5  The winds of change

My first year at the Pacific Coast Academy was now all but gone.

Yet there were so many things to do until the big tooter’s authorative permit to open the school for girls.

Where were we going to finds a dorm adviser for the girls ready to work at our school for less than 500 bucks?

That sounded almost insane.

Decent dorm advisers, such as those of nearby girls-only college Santa Pacifica3, required a whole lot more.

Kazu, on the other hand, was glad. “Girls will totally raise my profits. Do you know that boys spend almost twice as much for tips in the presence of girls than all alone?”

I shrugged carelessly.

But, ertainly, it is more fun to go to a sushi bar in the company of an exciting girl than alone or some male friends.

The voice and the face in my head appeared again, on and off. It was not going to leave my mind.

The remaining weeks at our schools were too few to solve all the problems impost by Mr. Bradford’s request.

But I was up to working on them during the summer break and during the first weeks of my second year at Pacific Coast Academy.

Michael was going to help me.

1
cf. Zoey 101 : Prank Week
2
cf. Zoey 101 : Spring Fling
3
cf. Unfabulous : The Toot

Chapter 7  Home Sweet Home

7.1  The in between

My first year at the Pacific Coast Academy was finally gone.

I was going to spend most of the summer break in my hometown in Pinecrest, Pennsylvania.1

The summer break was now a more stringent interruption than it uased to be before my arrival at Pacific Coast Academy.

While at my local elementary school, the summer break had essentially been the absence of classes.

I used to hang out with the same people as during most of the year.

The exception were the occasional weeks in a summer camp.

But even there it was not unlikely to meet pals from your school, maybe not necessarily your best friends.

Now I was going to get accustomed to a new experience:

The life at my home in backwater New England was substantially different from my usual life during the major part of the year.

Neither Logan Reese nor Michael Barret, or any of my fellow pupils, teachers, or school staff, was bound to be with me during several long weeks.

Likewise, none of my good old acquaintances from my home world were spending the rest of the year by my side.

The trip from and to the Pacific Academy, on the other hand, was neither here, nor was it there, it was a world in between.

I was about taking a plane from Los Angeles to New York City.

Several pupils were bound towards the north eastern states.

For that avail, the school admin had organised a group flight.

Stu Laserbeam was the leader of our ‘delegation’.

I almost sobbed when waving at Michael for a last time before fall.

Likewise, I anticipated my sadness for the moment of my next departure from Pinecrest.

Logan was not really away during the summer break. His home was Hollywood, and the pacific Coast Academy belonged virtually to the perimetral area of the centre of modern entertainment.

Michael saw the summer break in a different manner. He was a southerner from Alabama. He was waiting for another plane going to take him to New Orleans.

His grandmother was going to pick him up from right there.

Dustin was from Louisiana, hence he took the same flight as Michael.

I was exciting upon being cut off from many of my pals.

Stu told us to remain quiet.

The plane took off into the clear blue Californian sky.

The start of the summer break was a long list from good-bye to good-bye.

7.2  Letting go

My mother picked me up from New York City Airport.

We kids were gathered in the lounge of the airport hotel and cafeteria.

It was just one of the minor airports.

Thus the cafeteria was not as stuffed and confusing as the international airport.

Stu checked us boys out. He was very responsible. He had to be like that, of course, in order to get accepted at Wallstreet business school, one of the most renowned business schools of new York City.

His younger brother Ryan, on the other hamd, was described to be totally unreliable and irresponsible.

Needless to say, such a ‘loser’ was hardly accepted at any prep school of renown.

Finally, my mother found me. She was accompanied by aforementioned Rusty Dickerson, my best friend for several years.

Alas, I had got a hard time remembering him.

The month spent down in California had taken their toll.

I feared this to be only the beginning of a long development.

My absence for several months had most likely started alienating me from many people and things hitherto familiar.

Of course, I was still looking forward to hanging out with Rusty for quite a few weeks.

But it wasn’t the same as it used to be during early elementary school.

For my mom, it had been a hard time. She had never been overprotective.

Well truth said, I had assumed her to be for quite a few years.

But later I was going to meet overprotectivity incarnate.

Alas, that’s a different chapter.

On the other hand, she had got less and less time for me. She was working for a real estate agent, being left with little time to care about me.

This had been one reason for sending me to a boarding school in the first place.

There were good boarding schools in new England, as well, but none of them could hold a however dimming torch to Pacific Coast Academy.

My car trip to Pinecrest was going to take me through various landsdcapes and townships.

Before my departure, these villages, woods, acres, fields, lakes, and meadows had been part of my daily environment.

Needless to say, they were no longer, at leats not for about eight months of the year.

It was hard letting go of people.

But letting go of the inanimate environment was not really easy, either.

The longer the car trip lasted, the sadder I turned down to thse observations.

7.3  Out of sight, out of mind

I’ve already mentioned about forgetting old acquaintances. Rally, I had hoped to appear still familiar to most of the people in Pinecrest.

But this was simply not the case.

Either the peoples must have got their brain reorganised diuring my absence.

Maybe I was really not that important or interesting enough to remember.

The other possibility:

I had changed a lot during my absence.

Granted, it was a bout time for me to appear less boy-like and more manly.

I was now already twelve years old.

That was a time for a boy like me to start changing significantly.

But I still had got my bushy head, and I was a hell of proud of it.

What about muy clothes?

During my months at Pacific Coast Avademy, I had started more and more to listen to other boys.

Michael had always felt compelled to comment on my clothes.

Logan had kept on holding stern views concerning what was considered to be cool, or uncool, for that matter.

Most of the time, Logan’s judgment concerning my outfit was “Uncool!”

This was not overly surprising.

Logan’s taste was excruciatingly expensive.

Barely any kid was able to hold a candle to it.

But, for the better or worse, I had started trying to put up with Logan’s srtyle as far as possible.

Many boys did so.

Unfortunately, trying to be half the way like Logan was going to leave me in a strange unstable situation.

I feared becoming the laughingstock of my school.

Maybe things were even worse here in backwater Pennsylvania.

There were fairly snobby people here, as well.

I hated in particular the Heckerlings.

Caren Heckerling was the boss of my mother, She really treated everyone in her office like dirt.

The day of fetching me from New York was fully deducted from mom’s salary.

But dad had not got the time, either.

Likewise, my uncle was very busy these days.

My grandmother was no longer able to drive a car into a metropole as big as New York City.

Anyways, being no longer that much known had got its advantages, too.

Nobody was blocking my way home.

Only upon arriving in front of our house did my identity turn out.

Then my neighbours started to exhibit some curiosity.

Of course I had got quite a few stories to tell about my first year in California.

But whome to tell what?

7.4  Diamond in the rough

Along with Rusty, I had been riding my bike into the neighbouring township named Rocky Road.

There was a smoothie bar named Juice.

This was a hangout for many of us kids from the region.

I had been there quite a few times.

But riding a bike was a very delicate thing for me …

I suffered easily from losing my focus on the road.

My knees are still covered with a countless bunch of scars from that time.

For that avail, there had always been some friends or relatives by my side.

Enough of that, at least for the time being!

This ride had been fairly safe, for a change.

I sat down in the back of the bar.

Manager Mike, the administrator of Juice, was busy cleaning containers. Well, according to Rusty, Mike was the boss here.

I had already forgotten the staff of this bar.

The bar was now slowly filling.

Some of the kids remembered me.

I was a bit envied for my adventures down by the Californian beach.

But most of the kids were not really interested in leaving home as early as I did.

Like diamonds, they wanted to get polished at home before entering the big jewel market.

There was certainly still a lot of time left for them.

7.5  Freedom in chains

I also worked for a few hours each day in my uncle’s shop.

He was selling various things, liuke bus tickets, newspapers, tobacco, stickers, and also cartoons.

Admittedly, I sometimes still read those comics.

Of course I did not believe in them.

My step-cousin Addie Singer, along with and her friends Zachariah Carter-Schwartz and and Geena Fabiano, entered the little shop.

They were now eleven years old, and ready to switch to Rocky Road Middle School.

Addie wanted to buy some toon for Benjamin Singer, her elder brother. She greeted me. “Hi Chase, how’s California?”

I started giving an impressive report about the first year of my life at Pacific Coast Academy.

A few other kids had started listening, too.

Alas, not everyone thought highly of private schools.

Most of the kids associated them with snobby kids of rich parents.

Especially Zachariah Carter Schwartz, a member of a family of former victims of southern slavery, was opposed to prep schools. He was, on top of all, an ecopacifist. He did not hate me, he was just angry at prep schools in general.

Unfortunately, there was an example of a really arrogant prep school not far from Pine Crest.

St. Agnes was a prep school run by Catholic nuns.

In consequence, most kids here associated private schools with those ‘Agnesians’.

Too bad I could not avoid talking about Logan Reese, the ultimative representant of previously kind of spoiled and snobby brats.

For Zach, something was clear:

Logan Reese was thitherform going to be his personal enemy number one!

There was no way around this stern judgment.

Geena was especially interested in fashion. She would have liked to go to a school near Hollywood in order to apply her design skills to future star actors. “Some of them are totally hot! Maybe even Logan Reese is … but that would make him like Patty”

Patricia Perez, aka Patty, was the most snobby kid in their classes, a female Logan Reese, kind of, sort of. She happened to be hitched to Addie’s ‘secret’ crush Jake Behari.

This even complicated the situation.

Addie grinned. Alas, she was more earnest and quiet, almost like me. She liked to express her feelings in little songs. She swooned. “A school like the Pacific Coast Academy sounds wonderful, almost like a spa. But all schools are like prison. The Pacific Coast Academy is sure a school which offers you a lot of freedom, but it still keeps you a prisoner.”

I could not really contradict.

My experiences had confirmed Addie’s judgment.

There seemed to be no way to get these kids join the Pacific Coast Academy.

Or maybe there was?

Time was going to tell!

1
town mentioned in a letterin Unfabulous : The Birthday

Chapter 8  A Summer Camp

8.1  The End Of The Beginning

It was now almost one year since the authorative confirmation of my acceptance to Pacific Coasy Academy.

I had counted the days, the weeks, the month … I was soon going to switch to just counting the years. But I had to think a lot back to my astonishment.

This summer, there was a cool camp in the forests of New Jersey.

Well, there were many summer camps in New Jersey, right in front of the gates of the never-sleeping City, my expression for the New York metropolitan area.

But I had begged my parents for weeks to be sent to Camp Country, apparently a camp for country music. I’ve already talked about my guitar.

It was not a typical country guitar.

But I also desperately wanted to learn also the banjo.

Alas, the camp costed quite a few bucks.

I had to earn, or was permitetd to, my tuition for Camp Country in my uncle’s shop.

This meant essentially cleaning the floor, but also serving a few customers.

And some of our customers were very strange.

Did you ever hear of a pony reading comic books?

I hadn’t until that day … and I wondered, “could that pony talk too?”

All of a sudden, it started singing, “pancakes, pancakes, I love pancakes.”1

I was thoroughly confused.

And nobody would have believed me, for sure.

Geena and Addie, aforementioned girls from a neighbour town, entered the shop.

Geena bought a journal about girls’ fashion.

Addie grinned. “I’ve been acccepted to Camp Country!”

I smiled. “That’s cool … I;m there too!”

Addie admitted, “I’m following Jake Behari, a cute guy from our classes. But don’t tell him that … and don’t tell Patty Perez!” She blushed.

I giggled. “Won’t do …”

Geena shrugged. She started talking about fashion.

I also wondered what other kids to meet right out there.

Rusty Dickerson was too lazy to earn his bucks for the camp, thus he had to stay home for the rest of the summer.

That was really sad.

I knew Jake only a little bit.

He was certainly quite cool, too good for Patty Perez, a female version of Logan Reese.

We talked quite a bit about the upcoming camp.

There was even a chance for a record contract for one of us.

But I didn’t dream of that.

Addie might have done so, a little bit. But she woas not into becoming fabulous. My step-cousin was modest and honest.

Anyways, we were looking forward to the camp.

8.2  Deserted Riverbank

A bus took us to the camp site.

We exited the vehicle in the late afternoon.

The sun had been burning its wat along the river.

It was a deserted former camp town, ruins from the times of the pioneers.

I was still afraid of racoons.

Thus my first action was that of spotting the site for traces of racoons.

The officials of the camp administration had not been with us.

A college boy had been hired in order to supervise us during the first days. He in troduced himself, “hello, my name is Spencer Shay. I’m from Seattle, in teh state of Washington.”

I had hitherto thought of Washington State and D.C. being adjacent,

Thus I was a bit confused.

Spencer continued, “I’ve recently obtained a BA in social studies. Now I’m expected to go tp ;aw school. But … tell you what? I don’t want to.” He moaned with disgust. “I hate tight suits and ties.” He shuddered desperately.

I remarkwed, “I hate them, too!”

Spencer smiled. “Cool! At least someone here understands me.”

I smiled.

Of course, various other kids shared our distaste.

Spencer went through the tent assignments.

My tent mate was one James Maddigan from new York City. He appeared to like drumming a lot. He was the nephiew of a fashion label owner in new York City.

Addie whispered, “that would be a good catch for Geena, wouldn’t it? Marrying into a fashion label …”

I giggled merrily. “Maybe?”

Spencer decided to sing a feqw songs with us. He borrows Addie’s guitar.

We sang along.

The camptown ladies sing that song
Doo-day, doo-day
The camptown racetrack’s five miles long
Oh-da-doo-da-day!

Going to run all night
Going to run all day
I bet my money in a bobtailed nag
Somebody bet on the grey.

We clapped aloud.

Spencer was the best camp adviser … ever!

The long tailed filly and the big black horse,
Doo-day, doo-day
Come to a mud hole and they all cut across,
Oh-da-doo-da-day
Going to run all night
Going to run all day
I bet my money in a bobtailed nag
Somebody bet on the grey.

We finally were done erecting our tents.

Jimmy Madigan showed me his drum sticks. “solid oken woods!”

I grinned. “Cool!”

He talked a lot about his uncle.“Sometimes, I work for him as a mail assistant. It’s boring. But it can be interesting.”

“I work for my uncle, too … during the summer,” I explained.“usually, I live in Califirnia, a prep school named Pacific Coast Academy>”

Jimmy grinned. “Cool! I’m at Princeton Prep in New York City. But California sounds so sunny …”

I nodded. “But I’ve sometimes come to miss New England’s winters.”

Jimmy admitted, “accomodating to changes may be hard …”

8.3  Nothing Lost, Nothing Gained

The first night of my summer camp, I had been unable to sleep for real.

The fear of racoons was still overwhelming.

Those beasts are able to bite!

Addie even knew about my fears. She was now probably inciting the girls of our camp to tease me about it.

I carefully peeked out from my tent.

The sun fired its rays right into my face, almost blinding me.

I regained consciousness. I saw some strange movements in the next shrubbery.

This filled me with fears. A racoon?

I grabbed James’s drum sticks. “They will serve me as weapons!” Then I dared to leave the tent. I had to beat the beast before it was able to bite. “Who’s the boss?” I beat away at the next moving twig. “Get thee behind! This is my camp”

“Ouch!” A whimpering voice appeared.

I grinned.

The racoon was about learning his lesson.

But wait!

Wasn’t the voice too human for a racoon?

I took a closer lok. “Spencer?”

The adviser squealed, “my skull is bleeding …” He was tarnished partly as a racoon, for whatever reason.

I apologised. “Oops! I thought of a racoon …”

Spencer sighed deeply. “I’m looking for the beavcoon2. Now you’ve spoiled it.”

I moaned, “sorry!”

Addie asked, “a beavcoon?”

Spencer explained, “it’s a mix between a racoon and a beaver.”

I shivered. “beavers have got even bigger teeth than racoons.”

Addie nodded. “But they don’t eat meat!”

I sighed. “They may bite me to death without eating me.”

Spencer shrugged.

OK, sighting such a strange mix would have been a lot of fun.

I would have boasted about it to Logan and Michael upon my return to Pacific Coast Academy.

They were terrible unbelievers.

On the other hand, I was happy about not having hurt Spencer seriously.

But there had to be some sort of a punishment for me.

Spencer took James Madigan’s drum sticks, and he used my but as a drum.

The kids sang along.

Jimmy crack corn
And I don’t care
Jimmy crack corn
And I don’t care
Jimmy crack corn
And I don’t care
Old massa’s gone away!

Now we were even. No gain … no loss …
But for the other kids, it was a lot of fun!

8.4  A Lonely Tomorrow

Time flew ahead of me at the speed of light.

The days of Camp Country were all but gone.

I was going to miss that fun.

Although the number of kids here out in the forests of New Jersey was significantly lower, I was now going to await rather lonely days at Pacific Coast Academy.

We had undone our camp, and we had entered the bus.

The long vehicle was rigged and ready for talking us back to next down, our gathering point.

Addie had told the other girls about my fears of racoons. But she was not a bad cousin. She had got various fears, too. And, at the very leastm she had not talked about my ‘glorious’ past as a flower girl at my uncle’s wedding.

I hoped to be able to guard this secret until death.

The bus driver told us a few jokes about his glorious future as a cab driver in new York.

I started humming one of the tunes we had practiced during the camp, Don Gibson’s immortal Oh, Lonesome Me!

Of course, I was looking forward to seeing Michael again.

But, after all, the atmosphere of this camp was not going to be reached by my prep school’s daily busy throng.

I leant back into my Pullman seat.

Spencer sat next to me. He talked about his little sister, Carly.

The girl musty have been a bit older than Dustin Brooks.

Spencer was very proud of her.

Sometimes, I was sad about not having got siblings.

On the other hand, Addie always talked with disgust about her elder brother Benjamin.

The bus rolled and rocked along its way from the camp site top the next town.

My uncle was going to fetch me from there.

I closed my eyes. I had suddenly got the idea for a play … not one to be performed during the next years at Pacific Coast Academy, but for later on. I was up to working on this play during my many lonely days at Pacific Coast Academy. I didn’t hope for too many of them.

But there were sure going to be enough of them to get the play finished.

8.5  Lost Beginning

It was time to say good-bye to old New England.

Addie promised to visit us briefly. She had got relatives in San Diego.3 “I’ll stumble in during my Thanksgiving trip to California!”

I was glad about that. Now I was waiting at New York’s minor airport for my flight to Los Angeles.

Again, the Pacific Coast Academy had organised a group flight for its pupils from the North Eastern states.

I had to remembermy first trip to my boarding school.

Dad had been with me.

We had not known in time about the collective trips.

Alas, the memories about my first days had started to be lost in the dense mist of the undetermnined past.

We were sitting in the airport restaurant for a cup of cocoa and a few cookies.

The cook served us. “You’re going to California?”

I nodded solemnly.

The cook sighed. “My name id Evelyn Wexler, but you may call me Evvy.4”

I shrugged.

Evvy continued, “I was born in Orange county. My sister Coco still lives there. She’s a bit messy and dull. That’s why she;s unemployed. Or so I guess. Maybe you may greet her from me?”

I shrugged. “If we get to pass by her …”

Evvy nodded. “If you see a chubby blonde around thirty … oh , that’s her address …” She gave us a sheet. “She’s addicted to ravioli. That’s all my fault. I’ve cooked a lot for my family when we grew up, especially for Coco.” She shuddered.

I promised to try to find her.

We high-fived with Evvy.

The megaphone announced the number of my flight.

And my plane was ready to take off into the cold grey sky, bound for the land where the sun won’t die …

I had come to know a bit of New York and a bit of Los Angelos.

Both of them were metropolitan centres, alike in many aspects, but different in certain others.

Finally, I loved ‘my’ New York City more than any other metropolitan area of the world.

1
that pony is from True Jackson VP : Keeping Tabs
2
cf. iCarly : iBeleive In Bigfoot
3
identifies Addie Singer from Unfabulous with same actress’s cameo in Drake & Josh : Honor Council, equally named Addie
4
cf. True Jackson VP: True Fear

Chapter 9  Into The Second Year

9.1  One Thousand Promises

The start into my new yeart at the noble boarding school down by the beach of Malibu was adorned with promises.

This was going to be a regular ritual at the start of each of my new years at school.

Some of the promises had been made to others.

I’ve already mentioned my announce to look for Coco Wexler on the behalf of her sister Evvy.

Unto my uncle I had promised to watch out for some editions of some journal from the seventies.

The journal had been much more popular here in California than in the northeastern states.

There was a collector among his regular clients, a pretty old man, who was looking for one particular number he could not remember.

Unto grandpa Joe1 I had promised to visit his pal from Vietnam times in the veteran’s club.

Maybe he wasn’t even alive.

I had to figure on my own.

Addie and Geena wanted me to take pictures of a few guys from my schools, including ‘irresistible’ Logan Reese.

I could not deny those either.

Likewise, ecopacifist Zachariah Carter Schwartz had urged me to send him a list of endangered species in the Los Angeles area. He wanted to start a campaign for their protection.

Needless to say, I could not turn it down. Was I ever able to turn any of those requests down?

Not sure …

I doubted very much so. And I had no clue as of where to start with all those things.

Taking a picture of Logan was probably the easiest of all tasks.

So I walked towards my dormitory room.

It was the same as during my first year.

Logan was not yet here.

Maybe there was no gap at the students’ drop big enough to allow for the limousine of te Reese clan, and close enough to the campus yards.

Michael had left me a note.

He and his grandma were in the cafeteria.

I had to think a bit about my many other pormises, more precisely, those to myself.

There was a long list of things to do until my fourteenth birthday.

And there was only a bit more than a year left.

I had not even started all the stuff.

Most of it was a lot of fun.

Maybe I should have shown the list to Michael.

As a witness, he was more likely to push me into completing the list.

I shrugged and left my luggage behind, walking straight to the cafeteria in order to see my best pal.

9.2  You think you have it bad?

Michael hugged my on site upon entering the cafeteria.

His grandma had a cheese cake and a cup of PCA coffee. She talked a lot.

That was no good.

I could not stand old people talking always the same stuff.

According to Michael, his grandma was a great cook.

And for that avail, Michael was equipped with a lot of foodies for the first days.

Sushi Rox was only to reopen in the second week of the academic year.

The old woman talked about the times of the war of Vietnam. “You kids have it much too good.”

Michael sighed. He could not bear his grandma’s endless stories about grandpa in the war of vietnam.

I haven’t even complained about our times.

The old lady just started to keep on talking anyways.

Alas, I had got an idea. “My grandpa Joe is looking for a pal from war times. Do you know how to look for certain veterans?”

Of course she knew! “There are veterans’ clubs in each area. And that of Los Angeles …” She left me the address of the president of the veterans’ wives’ club of Los Angeles on a torn strip of paper napkin.

I thanked her.

She didn’t notice it. She kept on complaining about us kids and our impatience.

Alas, I feared the president of said club to be much alike, if not even worse than Michael’s grandmother.

The lady admonished Michael not to do bad things getting him into trouble.

Michael moaned and whimpered. Alas, he could not send her away.

His mom and his grandma had always been accompanying him to the campus at the beginning of the year.

And it took him hours to stop weeping and sobbing.

Only then could the women disappear.

Maybe that was the reason for grandma Barret to complain about us kids of today.

But Michael had certainly not got any reason to complain about the Pacific Coast Academy as such, barring, of course, the absence of girls. He must have missed having his family around. He has talked a lot about them, much more than myself, and definitely more than Logan.

What we needed to know about Logan’s family was found in the mass media.

So there was no need for him talking about it.

Hours went past.

Finally, the grandmother had to go.

Michael sobbed a lot.

But we had to move on and on.

9.3  When Love turns to Hate

Back to our dorms, we finally met Logan Reese.

He was really upset about his summer break. “I had to spend five weeks with my grandpa. Now I hate that spaz, and vice versa.”

We could have seen something like that coming.

Malcolm Reese, the king of Hollywood producers, was truly busy making movies.

Alas, onle of his equally big obesssions had been that of divorcing and remarrying.

None of his marriages had been holding for more than two years, including the one with Logan’s mother.

Logan had already stopped counting his step mother.

And usually, Logan’s summer breaks coincided with Malcolm’s honeymoon trips or last, feeble attempts in order to save a marriage failing from the get on.

Some of his step-mothers have been forgotten, but not all of them.

One step-mother sent Logan regularly cookies and candies.2

Malcolm, on the other hand, hated all of his ex-wives rigorously at any cost. He tried hard to make any contact of Logan and his own ex-wives impossible. He was just unable to prevent one of his ex-wives from sending the cookies.

Logan did not know which of the step-mothers was doing that. He did not have any address of Malcolm’s ex-wives at hand.

And the packets were sent from third hand parties and private delivery services.

This had probably got the purpose of veiling the address from Malcolm Reese. But it also prevented Logan from knowing about that.

Of course, there was hardly anything for us to do about it.

There had never been a divorce in my own family.

The same was true for Michael’s strongly baptist relatives.

Thus we were unable to relate to Logan’s pains.

Alas, there were probably a few step-siblings of Logan out there, somewhere in the world.

Maybe this was going to help.

But I had no clue as of where to start.

And I did not want to add that to my long list of promises …

It was the moment of telling Michael about my summer break, and vice versa.

Logan did not want to tell us about his.

Given his splintered family, this was too easy to understand.

9.4  Echoes of Bondage

As aforementioned, Michael was form a baptist afro-american family.

His ancestors had been involved in the beginnings of the Jazz movement.

He had learned the flute in order to continue the musical traditions and perform in Jazz and Blues band, once upon a time.

Jazz was a remote shadow of the times of slavery and oppression of the black fellow citizens.

Strangely, the term jazz as such has been coined by people here at the western coast rather than in the strongholds of Afro-American culture.

Michael was not only interested in performing, but also writing songs. He was not strictly hell bent for doing this in the sense of the family tradition, but he was probably unable to deny his roots in Jazz and Blues. Alas, he was also looking forward to acquiring knowledge of the dramatical beatboxing style of his idol Gregory Pedillo3.

Unfortunately, there was not yet much interest at Pacific Coast Academy in founding a club around Michael’s flute.

Michael also feared to be ridiculed. Thus he preferred to practised in the dark, such as wardrobes and janitor’s closets. During the summer break, Michael had been to a jazz camp.

One of his uncles was an adviser right there.

Michael told me a lot about his adventures in the camp.

Unfortunately, there had not been many girls, either.

This had made Michael a bit desperate.

We were now much more keen on accomplishing the remaining tasks in order to move Mr. Bradford, the old desk tooter and slave driver, into admitting female students.

He would have been certainly against the abolition of slavery, had it not been abolished long ago.

Logamn at least paid us for doing his slave jobs.

9.5  A Childhood Dream

Now it was time to tell Michael about my long list of things to do.

We were alone in our dorm.

Logan had paid us for doing his luggage, taking particularly care of some valuable possessions.

A few of his belongings costed hundreds of thousands of bucks.

His dad had given them unto him probably just to get him to shut up about the confusing situation of his family.

Then I started talking, “at the age of seven, I had written a letter to myself4, mentioning many things I was up to doing until the age of fourteen.”

Michael shrugged. “Like becoming a famous director at Broadway?”

I shook my head. That’s a dream rthat can wait until adulthood.

Michael sighed with relief.

I continued, “one of the dreams is … riding a bike for hundred yards … blindfolded!”

Michael gasped. “Wow! That’s quite a challenge!”

I nodded solemnly. “When looking at things, I get distract easily.”

Michael cackled with glee. “Yeah, I know. You’ve dropped a can of soda when seeing a pictture of Logan’s summer residence for the first time!”

I nodded with despair. “You don’t have to mention that all the time!”

Not getting distracted was my big goal.

Being able to trust blindly in my biking skills was certainly going to help me.

Michael still cackled. “OK, it isn’t funny!”

Of course, I could not just cross the campus, full of pupils, without running into anyone.

So Michael had to help me.

I continued, “Some things from my list I can only do in certain places, such as standing on top of Empire State.”

Michael nodded vigorously. “I won’t carry the whole building from New York City to Los Angeles just for that …”

I giggled.

My list went on and on.

Finally, we were too tired.

Having to do all of Logan’s routine tasks had been exhausting after the long day.

We started dreaming about the new academic year awaiting us.

1
cf. Zoey 101 : The Radio
2
cf. Zoey 101 : Quinn Misses The Mark
3
cf. iCarly : iHeart Art
4
analogous to Addie Singer’s letter in Unfabulous : The Birthday

Chapter 10  Looking For The Forgotten

10.1  Majestic Memories

As aforementioned, I had promised unto my grandpa to go and look for his lost pals from the war.

According to Michael’s grannie, a veterans’ club would have been the right thing.

There were veterans from World War II, and there were veterans from Vietnam.

My grandpa had been in Vietnam, but he had got quite a few older pals serving already in the Pacific, in Europe and other ugly places during the world war.

Both of them had their own clubs.

Those were split into sections like navy veterans, air force veterans, marines veterans, and on and on and on it went.

As you see, it was not easy to get your nose stuck in the business without getting it pinched badly.

I started wondering about clues.

Cal asked me, “as you know, veterans are former army members.”

I nodded. “Sure!”

Cal panted, “why not ask active army members for clues about finding the appropriate veteran club? They venerate their former officers a lot.”

I gasped. “That’s a wonderful idea!”

Of course there had been many wars as of recent, such as desert storm in Arabia or so.

I had apparently slept through a few geography lessons.

But the older the war, the greater the heroes and their deeds.

Michael sighed. “But today’s army is huge!”

I groaned deeply. Then I asked Cal, “do you know anyone in the army, not too far from here, who is able to help us?”

Cal shook his head. “But there are surely many kids of important officers at this school.”

I beamed brightly.

There was light at the beginning of the tunnel …

Michael banged his head against the wall.

I asked him, “Are you OK, Michael?”

Michael sighed deeply. “And in deed, there is an officer’s son in my geography class. His dad has been in the desert storm. And he knows everything about that region …”

I thundered triumphantly.

Alas, there was also another purpose of our search for veterans:

Over a bunch of decades, many alumni from Pacific Coast Academy had made it into responsible positions in the army.

And, as aformentioned, next homecoming ball was going to decide about the admission of girls to this school. And homecoming balls were organised in order to honour the alumni.

Indeed, the dad of Michael’s pal had been a graduate from Pacific Coast Academy, like twenty years ago.

10.2  The Sands of Time

Michael’s class mate had asked his dad and finally arranged a meeting with Colonel Robinson from a nearby Navy headquarter.

And that’s where we were now.

Getting through the guards had not exactly been a pleasure.

Logan had recommended to get my bush head shaved thoroughly.

But I had rejected his suggestion at any cost. I was too proud of the dense shrubbery adorning my skull.

The security guard did not appreciate that. They started taking each and every hair of mine apart.

It took over half an hour to inspect my hair for sources of danger for the quarters.

My bushy hair was even squirted with some gas.

What sort of gas?

I don’t know,

According to my judgment, not knowing about the nature of that stinky gas was for the better of my own mental sanity.

And here he was:

Colonel Robinson, the boss of these quarters, had been awaiting me.

I sat down in a chair.

Of course, this was a mistake.

I would have had to await his orders before sitting down.

Robinson corrected me.

I twitched and recoiled, filled with guilt and shame.

Finally, Colonel Robinson allowed me to sit down.

I looked around, spotting manyb trophies collected by this unit during the last decades. “Have you won these?”

Mr. Robinson shook his head. “I’ve been promoted to guiding these quarters only two years ago. Before that, I had been at Seattle Beach. My daughter Missy1 had been mighty stinky due to our move.”

I sighed. “I know someone from Seattle, a certain Spencer Shay.”

Colonel Robinson gasped. “Hey, that must be the son of my best friend from those good old times!”

I shrugged. “Good for him … So, why does your Missy not go to a boarding school? The Pacific Coast Academy might go coerducative …”

The officer shook his head. “Missy would go insane in such a school. She’s very difficult and possessive. Yes, I know about your school. I have not graduatred from there, but in my unit from desert storm, there was one leading officer from there. The school has a bit come down. It’s too liberal nowadays. But Mr. Bradford is still old school. Whatever …”

Michael was even more impressed by the trophies collected by this unit.

I was now sure, “this must have been the unit of grandpa’s pal.” I gave Colonel Robinson an old letter written by that guy to my grandad.

Colonel Robinson nodded solemnly. “Time flies by so incredibly fast, like sands in giant mill … it is like yesterday. not far away. This unit has been created as a fustin of the unit mentioned in the letter, and another unit. We had to move in the eighties for financial reasons. Whatever, it is clear you’re looking for a veteran from our division.”

Michael cheered.

I beamed proudly.

There was still a long road to drive down until finding the old guy for real.

But there was a veteran of veterans, Old Mr. Nichols.2 He had made it through world war II alive. According to Colonel Robinson, Mr. Nichols was a bit stubborn and crazy. But he was the most likely source of any further information.

I scratched the back of my head. “Nichols … I had heard that names a few months ago … Isn’t that the one from weather channel?”

And Drake Parker’s mom had been about marrying the weather freak.

That thought was disgusting.

Colonel Robinson cackled. “Probably related, somehow, I don’t know.”

Filled with unease, we decided to go and look for Old Mr. Nichols.

10.3  A Life of Lies

The apartment of old Mr. Nichols had not been easy to find.

About everyone in that block appeared to have been a bit crazy.

Unfortunately, my bushy hair did not make me look sane, either.

Many people only talked to Michael, asking him about ‘his weird companion’.

And there we were: The hideout of old Mr. Nichols.

The veteran grinned. “Caught you, you dirty Germans!”

Michael gasped. “What?”

Using his walking cane, old Mr. Nichols forced us to bend over his table and kneel down. Then he started to tie us up, using a knotted sheet of his bed.

I bellowed, “we aren’t Germans!”

Michael enforced, “I don’t even where Germany is!”

Alas, the crazed veteran showed no mercy. He was about asking us about Hitler’s troop movements.

Of course there were no such movements.

“Hitler is dead,” I cried.

The old beast poked me. “Liar!”

Michael squealed, “OK, the troops are now in Washington and they are going to kidnap president Bush.”

Old Mr. Nichols did not know of any president Bush, as he was still stuck in 1944. He poked Michael.

I gasped. “OK, you know that, I kn ow that, but Hitler doesn’t. He believes in a president Bush and is going to seek him out in Washington. In the meanwhile, you will attack the German headquarters in Munich and sack the beer fest. Then you will be awarded a hero’s medal.”

Mr. Nichols beamed proudly. “OK, that is great! When will we start the operation?”

I continued, “As soon as possible. But we need to find the younger volunteers of this unit that have been scattered.”

Michael nodded vigorously. Then he showed old Mr. Nichols the letters of my grandpa.

The veteran frowned and growled, “I’ve long since delegated the responsibilities to someone else. And he is dead. His widow Molly3 can be found in Beverly Hills.”

We glared aghast.

We were apparently sent hopping from one island to the other.

There was our next station …

10.4  And The Edges Blur

We had been keeping on putting bits and pieces together. Finally, we had been able to find said Molly.

But she wasn’t there.

A note mentioned her visiting her cousin in Santa Monica.

And the chase went on …

There was the apartment of her friend.

Hunting for bits and pieces had been exhausting us.

And now we were facing two old ladies.

They were chitchatting about the ‘good old times’ in the most terrible manner.

Unfortunately, the grandaughter of Molly’s cousin had to listen to them.

Her name was Brenda.4

I did not understand half of the talk of the old spinster grannies.

Brenda, a girl in Dustin’s age, told me, “they are insane. Their memory isn’t the best anymore.”

I shrugged. “Too many people become like that at some age … too bad my grandpa remembers too much, like, my promise of finding his old pal … Sometimes, I wish certain memories to blur away. But the edges remain sharp like polished diamond cutters. Other memories …”

Brenda sighed. “OK, I will go through grandads old letters from the ‘good old times’. Grandma has forgotten about many of those things.”

I nodded.

We snuck to the cupboard containing her grandpa’s letters.

Brenda opened the envelopes.

The edges of the formerly sharp knife used in order to open the letters had been blurred by then, too.

Or so I guessed.

We had to go through several dozens of letters.

But finally, we found the address of the widow of grandpa’s pal.

The widow?

Oh yeah, the veteran had died long since.

My grandpa should have known.

His memories must have blurred as well.

Finally I asked Brenda, “maybe our school will open up for girls with the start of the coming year. Would you like to join?”

Brenda beamed. “Cool! My uncles has graduated from Pacific Coast Academy, it was 30 years ago.”

Michael grinned.

Dustin wished for girls in his classes, too.

This was a great step into the right direction, it seemed …

10.5  The Family Nobody Wanted

Another week went past before we could leave the campus again.

Unfortunately, the old lady, widow of my grandpa’s pal, was visiting relatives in Sa Diego, or, more precisely, taking care for her son’s house during his absence.

But a senior from that town had been able to take us right there.

The name of the quarter was Belleview.

This term rang a bell with me.

Hey!

Belleview was the home of Drake Parker!

Maybe I was even going to find him there. I was excited.

Michael rang out the door bell. He moaned, “it’s been a trip of almost three hours! Now come on!”

The door went open.

My eyes bugged out.

“Drake!” boomed I at the top of my lungs.

Drake Parker, the one and only, stood in the door frame. “Chase Matthews, right?”

I nodded solemnly. “You remember me?”

Drake giggled merrily. “Fortunately, Megan is not around.”

Michael and I, we sighed with resounding relief.

Drake explained, “Mom, Megan, and my step-dad Walter are visiting his friemds somewhere. I suck at geography, you know.”

Michael nodded solemnly. “Geography stinks.”

Drake continued, “Now I’m left with my annoyingly freaky step-brother Josh, and his grandma5. She has come down here in order to supervise the house. Mom doesn’t trust me. Hell, I hate all that step-family stuff.”

I wiped some sweat from my head.

Joshuah’s grandmother showed up. She was much nicer than described by Drake. Even more, there was no doubt left about her identity as the widow of the long lost pal of my grandpa Joe.

I had to interview the old lady for a few hours.

She was not content with the family of Walter’s dad. “They are all crazy! I’ve never liked them.”

I nodded solemnly, telling her about the stupid veteran.

But who liked step-families and in-laws anyways?

Anyways, talking to the old lady about her deceased husband was somewhat exhausting.

But I added mentally a notch to my long list of promises.

Grandpa Joe from Baltimore should have been proud of me.

Maybe a few gifts were now in it?

1
cf. iCarly : iReunite With Missy
2
cf. Drake & Josh : The Demonator
3
mentioned casually in Victorious : Birthweek
4
cf. Victorious : Birth Week Song
5
cf. Drake & Josh : The Grannie

Chapter 11  Coco Is Nuts

11.1  Promise Me

There was one promise down …

Unfortunately, grandpa Joe’s reward for having jumped through burning hoops in order to find one of his lost pas had not resulted in an appropriate reward.

He just sent me an old wrist watch.

We kids of today needed to learn to be more greatful for time.

Our impatience was so disgusting.

Fortunastely, Grandpa was the oldest of the group of people expecting some favour from me.

The younger ones were not that much of a demanding miser.

At least I hoped so.

I worked my way through the long list.

The next number was Evelyn Wexler. She had missed her sister Coco for several years.

According to Evvy, this was a reason for increasing worries.

I wrote a sheet for the bulletin boiard in the cafeteria or some of the lounges, looking for pupils familiar with the ‘quarters’ Coco was supposed to dwell in.

But Logan laughed manically.

I wondered, “what’s going on?”

Logan explained, “people from those ‘residence quarters’ are not nearly able to afford sending their kids to a decent school like this one.”

Michael sighed and nodded vigorously. “That’s true … at least it makes a lot of sense to me.”

I sighed.

Logan boasted, “some guys are good-looking, others know their stuff, I am both!”

I grunted, “sometimes, the blind bird finds a worm, too.”

Logan moaned, “what do you want to say?”

I coughed. “Nothing … oh, we are too late for tutoring …”

Michael looked at his new watch. “Hey, it’s only half past …”

I grabbed my best pal. “Do you want to be smart or a friend?”

Michael shrugged helplessly.

Obviously, looking for Coco Wexler needed a different strategy.

But there were some staff members from lower social origins than most of the pupils.

These may have been of some help.

I thought especially of janitor Herb1, one of my favourite staff members.

He liked talking a lot with us pupils. Inspite of being a simple janitor, he was looking for more, like being a Shakespearian actor. He knew several works of the grand master of British literature by heart.

In any case, having a steady day job as a janitor was still a big step upward from drifting around aimlessly.

And he was an example for Coco, besides, of course, her sister Evelyn, to get out of the slums in little steps.

Evelyn may have tried hard. But she was now too far away from California to even try.

11.2  When Worlds Collide

Michael had met Herb in the cafteteria and asked him to help us.

Now we were meeting on the campus.

Janitor Herb has now seen both of the worlds: the slums of suburrban California, and the luxury beaches of Malibu.

This was a somewhat traumatising experience.

But he remained nice and normal, inspite of exaggerating somnetimes his obsession with Shakespeare, especially hamlet.

Herb told us about those settlements.

Most of them started during the great depression leading up to president Theodore Roosevelt’s famous new deal.

We had only marginally hit that topic during our history classes.

Many families from the backwater states were urged to find a new home in ‘golden’ California.

Of course, life here was nowhere near as great as promised.

It has been described in the grewat novel The Grapes Of Wrath by unforgettable John Steinbeck.

As a still aspiring actor, Herb was looking forward to being part in a dramatic performance of that work.

However, our conversation was about a different topic.

We were looking for some Coco Wexler in a less wealthy quarter of some Valley not too far from Los Angeles.

Herb advised us not to dress in a way showing our relative wealth.

Otherwise, thugging youth gangs would easily aim upon us.

I hadn’t much troubles.

My bushy hair made me look like someone unabe to afford a trip to a barber’s shop.

I boasted with my capital shrubbery being finally useful for something. “And yours isn’t!”

Herb was going to come with us. He was, of course, able to drive a car.

The valley we’ve been looking for was located over an hour away from Malibu beach.

In addition, Herb could easily talk like the lower class people. But he had to get off his Shakespeare trip.

This made it easier to get through without exposing us too easily as upper middle class prep school kids.

Likewise, we needed to ask the people in there for information.

Those were easier to understand with someone like Herb by our side.

Also, we were going to feel a lot safer with one or two jocks by our side.

Michael suggeszsted, “Logan works out! At least twice a weak!”

I smiled.

But that joy was not going to last more than a few dwindling moments.

I moaned, “Logan is too arrogant. He can’t hide his Beverly Hills style for more than a second.”

Michael sighed for disappointment.

Herb had got an idea. “Carl2 might have time.”

I gasped. “Dean Carl Rivers?”

Michael giggled.

Herb shook his head. “The coach of our softball team, the losers of the nation.”

I sighed. “Oh yeah, that one … his nose muscles are bigger than his brain.”

Michael boomed, “nobody would dare to attack us.”

11.3  Frantic Search

With Coach Carl by our side, we dared crossing the caravan settlements in the valley of misery.

Carl fumbled proudly with his softball bat, ready to bash some skulls.

The search was pretty much as enervating as the previous search for grandpa Joe’s pal.

We were sent from one corner to the other.

One guy talked to a mean-looking passerby, “good evening, reverend Jones!”

Michael whimpered, “that’s a reverend?”

Many of the other peope around here were obviously a lot meaner.

Fortunately, we were hiding safely next to Coach Carl.

But maybe the muscle monster was a danger for us?

In order to get him to accompany us on his free weekend, he had to bribe him with a few favours, back on the campus.

Whose skulls was he going to bash in the case of not getting what he wanted?

That was so obvious.

Alas, the other jocks had not been available right now.

This caravan looked promising.

We knocked at some door.

A voivce came from within, booming “get a job, dodo!”

We were not keen on encountering the owner of the voice, with or without Carl’s backup.

As turning out a nit later, aforementioned Dodo was a little dog.

Probably there were not many well-paid jobs for dogs in that area … hunters’ dogs? shepherd’s dogs?

I doubted very much so …

A weird-looking passerby needed to know what we were doing in that area.

Herb showed him an older picture of Coco. “We’re looking desperately for that woman here … it’s a few years old, though.”

What sort of name was Coco anyways?

The stranger grunted, “next Caravan …”

Herb thanked the passerby.

We walked on.

That caravan seemed particularly messed up with.

Being a janitor, Herb wondered about how to repair the mess, the costs and the time requirement.

I doubted very much about any interest of the caravan’s owner concerning a possible fix of the ‘palace’. Then I knocked carefully.

A voive thundered, “how often do I have to tell you … I’m going to pay my debits next week!”

Alas, we were probably not creditors of anyone.

In the case of money, I’d have lent it unto myself. But I didn’t have any.3

Alas, the real creditorsd of Coco Wexler must have heard those words over and obver … since much more than just a week.

Herb started quoting from Shakespeare’s collected works.

Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

This used to be the words of one Polonius in Hamlet.

Coco opened the door and threw an empty food can at me. “Take this as a payment!”

My head was hot.

Fortunately, my capital shrubbery saved me from severe damage.

11.4  Prisoner in her mind

Only after half an hour had we been possible to convince Coco Wexler of being mneither borrowers nor lenders.

Coco was even chubbier than described by her sister Evelyn.

Alas, mentioning the name of her sister did not make Coco exactly happy.

The caravan was chock full of empty cans.

Most of them must have been filled with ravioli.

We could smell that.

Evelyn had cooked some of those for Coco when they still shared a caravan.

Hundreds of flies smelled that, too.

Now we had promised unto Evelyn to try to talk to Coco into getting out of the mess here.

Evelyn had been able to do so as well.

Apparently, Coco was just too lazy.

Now, I tried really hard.

But Coco did not want to follow Evvy’s example. “Evvy is a great cook. All I can do is eat. There are no jobs for great eaters.”

I did not want to accepot that. “Haven’t you been babysitting the neighbours’ kids? On and off …”

Coco bellowed, “maybe? But not that bestial dog, Dodo …”

Michael continued, “if our prep school opens for girls, we will need a lot more staff … female staff!”

I nodded. “dorm advisers for girls for examples …”

Michael added gleefully, “men suck at this.”

I agreed, moaning “completely!”

Michael continued, “it is so!”

Coco squealed desperately.

Michael added, “they’ve even got canned ravioli in the cafeteria storage … rumours”

I nodded gleefully.

Coco started thinking about it.

Coach Carl had hitherto been guarding our car outside the caravan group. Now he reminded us of being late.

Coco looked at Carl. “Wow, what a man!”

I shrugged.

Coco asked Carl, “can you carry me in your arms?”

Indeed, someone less strong than Carl might have failed.

Carl showed some efforts and succeeded in lifting chubby Coco.

Coco asked, “are you single?”

Carl nodded.

Coco was now all of a sudden very interested in a job at the Pacific Coast Academy …

Alas, I had my doubts concerning Carl and Coco.

But, for the time being, it helped us a lot …

11.5  The tattered, the torn

Finally, we were back to the campus of Pacific Coast Academy.

Coco had agreed on working as a dormitory adviser for the girls for a salary no longer than foreseen by miser Bradford.

Of course, there were going to be formal job interviews and stuff.

Coco could not show up there in tattered and torn rags and patches, and her face smeared with Italian ravioli sauce.

Unfortunately, boys suck completely when it comes down to selecting some appropriate outfit for women.

And there was a problem.

We were a school chock full with boys, but devoid of girls.

Whas that one of those infamous things named circulus vitiosus?

How were we supposed to turn the Pacific Coast Academy into a school for boys ad girls without the help of a girl in the first place …

OK, we needed to look outside the school, but still in greater Los Angeles area.

Certainly the spoiled lasses hired by Logan Reese as cheerleaders were nowhere near going to be of any help.

They could not help buty make fun of Coco.

There were only two weeks left until homecoming.

But, hey! There were the girls we had met during our various missions …

Karen Franklin was no longer around, she was even rumoured to have fled to Wisconsin.

Brenda, our acquaintance from our search for grandad’s lost pal, had got no time.

But there were was still Tracy Baldwin4. She had participatred last year in ourspring party, and she was somewhat interested in joining this school upon turning coeducative.

We had to look for her address. Then we had to call around half of Los Angeles.

But this was worth the trouble.

Tracy Baldwin and two of her female friends agreed on getting Coco dressed appropriately.

Now there was finally light at the end of the tunnel.

Coco was going to face Dean Rivers in appropriate outfit, at least …

1
cf. Zoey 101 : Defending Dustin
2
cf. Zoey 101 : Hot Dean
3
cf. Zoey 101 : New Roomies
4
cf. Zoey 101 : Lola Likes Chase

Chapter 12  Homecoming

12.1  Crown of Ivy

Homecoming week was now around teh corner.

As aforementioned, this was aldso going to be a tiime crucial for the admission of girls to our school.

Our alumni ofl old and new times will have a say on that.

There were several homecoming traditions at Pacific Coast Academy.

Many schools had a homecoming queen and a homecoming king.

We were , at least still, boys-only.

Thus there was no queen.

But there was going to be a homecoming king.

Traditionally, out homecoming kings were adorned with a crown made of ivy.

The ivy was no longer natural, but some artificial imitation.

Nevertheless, the hunt for the popular trophy was heated as usual.

Michael had shown had fetched some old yearbooks of Pacific Coast Academy.

Each tome contined a report about homecoming events.

Of course, a picture of the ivy-adorned head was not expected to miss in any of them.

Thus was valid even during the chaotic years of the war of Vietnam.

I was not surprised upon seeing Malcolm Reese, Logan’s dad, posing with his ivory bandana.

Back then, the ivy was still real.

Logan was hardly going to be in such a position, unless he simply bribed the pupils.

This was, of course, possible.

Logan was, of course, boasting all the time about that.

Whatever, we were still five years short of being eligible for such a distinguished honour.

Our main interest was in the ivy-crowned idols of the past.

They were not unlikely tom decide on the future of our school, more than even Bradford’s unsatiable greed.

There were a few principals of other schools among our former homecoming queens.

Dean Rivers was only the top of the iceberg.

Thirty years ago, a certain Principal Franklin had been crowned here on the campus. He had graduated one year before Dean Rivers. Was he related to Mandy and Karen?

Their largely different skin tan made me doubt that.

But this could deceive easily.

Our trouvbles with Karen were not going to scare him into voting agaibnst coeducation.

Or so we hoped.

Another ivy crown had ornated the skull of Dean Eichman from Hollywood School Of Art.

Some girls of that school ahad been, as aforementioned, hired by Logan as cheerleaders for our school.

The good relationships between Dean Rivers and Dean Eichman had made that easier.

Mr. Rockner1, nowadays headmaster of a school in New York City, was the latest educational talent among our former homecoming kings.

But the first of all was a certain Mr. Pal, nowadays principal of James K. Polk in nearby Santa Clarita.

Alas, this was really strange.

The basketball team of James K. Polk was our next opponent in the basketball league.

Michael and I agreed on targetting Principal Pal from James K. Polk.

By convincing this generally renowned and respected man on the rim of retirement, it was possible to win over a broad mass of alumni for our cause, outdoing those opposing to coeducation.

We needed an audience with Mr. Pal at the occasion of the upcoming basketball match.

12.2  Balance of Power

The basketball match between the stingrays and the wolves was about to start.

The wolf was the mascot of James K. Polk.

The year before, we had not been very successful.

We were probably missing girls in our team in order to balance that one-sided boy power.

Unfortunately, Logan Reese made it as clear as a crystal block of ice:

Even with girls admitted to the Pacific Coast Academy, the basketball team was going to be boys only.

According to Logan, girls were only good as cheerleaders and mascots.

Neither Michael nor I agreed with Logan on that topic.

But was there anything to be done about it?

Logan had got the money.

The team of James K. Polk was lead by one Seth Powers, a blond giant born with a basketball growing between his finger tips. He could not get rid of the thing during whatever daytime or nighttime.

They also had gota guy named ‘Coconut Head’ able to aim blindly.

But the team was complemented by two girls: Jenifer Mosely and Suzanne Crabgrass.

Neither of them practised regularly with the boys.

They were rather members of the girls’ volleyball team. But they complemented the basketball team in various matches when pushed by one Ned Bigby.

Their coaxch, Mr. Munroe, was also responsible for life science classes and the tectile creation club.

This distinguished hin completely from brainless jock coach Keller.

The umpire started the party.

I tried to do anything possible.

But the wolves clawed and shred us into tiny pieces.

There was not a trace of a chance left for us.

Mike Grudziellanek, their uncompromisingly hard defender, blocked each and every of Michael’s attempts through the middle.

And the wings were covered perfectly by Jenifer Mosely, one of the tallest girls of California,

Their cheerleaders, lead by Missy Meany, somewhat of a female version of Logan Reese, made increasingly fun of us.

We were totally consternated and lost by fifty to five.

This was our worst defeat since my arrival at Pacific Coast Academy.

At the end, Principal Pal gave a speach honouring the virtues of his team.

I needed to find a way to talk to Principal Pal.

Michael nodded.

It was now or never.

Michael asked Jenifer Mosely. “Your pricipal is a alumnus of my school. He’s invited for homecoming, and we have to talk about a fee details.”

She agreed oon leading us to her headmaster, but there was one condition: “Don’t calle me moze, as some of my friends too. I hate that.”

I sighed. “Of course, Moze, er, Jenifer!” I went pale.

Jenifer giggled,.

Michael tried to excuse me.

We had to follow Jenifer and her friends Ned and Simon Nelson across their locker hall.

12.3  Counting Years

We had finally made it to Principal Pal.

We were still in the locker halls, next to a vendor machine.

The iron vendor was stuffed with unhealthy snacks.

I liked those.

But certain kids, such as Jenifer, were opposed to them.

Those snacks had been ordered by their vice principal Crubbs, a close friend of Dean Rivers from university times.

A man around fourty ran into us. “Have you seen a weasle?”

I shrugged. “Atr my school, pets are illegal.”

The strange guy was gone again. According to Jenifer, he was custodian Gordy. He had been hunting a weasle for unspeakably many years already.

But now we had to talk to Mr. Pal.

Michael explained the situation.

Principal Pal started talking, “those were the days atPacific Coast Academy … I was once the captain of the skater team. I havealways wanted to become a rollerblader in Africa.”

Michael screamed proudly, “cool! Most of my ancestors are from Africa!”

Simon Nelson Cooke agreed wholeheartedly. “I suppose mine to be from the Gambia area.”

Michael scratched his head.

His knowledge about the geography of Africa was not much more than a joke.

There had been already 300 years inbetween, anyways.

Was counting the years even worth it?

Principal Pal tried to evaluate the time between his graduation from Pacific Coast Academy to his impending retirement.

In his youth, coeducation was still rare.

A division between boys’ and girls’ districts even at coeducating schools was common.

Now that was only valid for the toilets and the dress rooms at the gyms.

But, according to Principal pal, all those changes had been for the better.

He was certainly ready to go and talk the younger alumni into favouing coeducation at Pacific Coast Academy. But he insisted in a repetition of the recent basketball match in the frame of our homecoming celebrations.

I sighed.

We were now forced to try hard to escape from becoming even more the laughingstock of the whole school.

12.4  Desperate plea

Back on our campus, we walked straight into the office of our worship Dean Rivers.

The guy was just sipping a cup of steaming black coffee. At the same time, he was playing video games. He fumbled with something called a game sphere2. “What are you doing here? Who let you in?”

I shrugged and replied, “the door was open …”

Dean Rivers grunted, “hey, no reason to get cheeky!”

I stammered, “but you have asked us …”

Dean Rivers turned even more upset.

I was circumspecting the office, watching out for a mouse hole in order to hide.

Dean Rivewrs moaned,, “OK, why are you here?”

Michael replied, “we’ve got some suggestion for homecoming.”

Dean Rivers glared aghast. “Hey, your suggestions have always turned out as complete failures.”

I squealed, “you hardly give them a chance …”

Rivers nodded. “Sure! And that’s the reason!”

I stammered, “how about a basketball match … against the team of James K. Polk from Santa Clarita?”

Rivers moaned,, “why against that school?”

Principal Pal walked in.

Dean Rivers looked consternated. “Can’t be true … Pal!”

Principal replied, “Rivers! Long time no see!”

Both of the headmasters started talking about the first time they met.

Dean Rivers had been new to his office.

Like for many future principals graduating from the Pacific Coast Academy, Principal Pal had been his idol.

The last visit of Principal Pal as an alumni had been before my arrival. He had been absent for two homecomings straight.

Dean Rivers had begged his idol on his knees to tell him the secret of ruling a school perfectly. Now he was even more desperate. “How does one rule a coeducative school? Successfully, that is …”

Fortunately, Pal had got lots of experiences to share. “In the beginning, it was not easy. But once you get the hang ouyt of it …”

Dean Rivers sent us away.

I left, following Michael.

Dean Rivers was apparently already getting accustomed to the thought of our school going coeducative.

The interviews with Coco Wexler had gone perfectly.

Likewise, James K. Polk’s custodian Gordy was going to help building toilets for girls.

But it was not Dean River’s competence to have a final say …

12.5  Last Time

Finally, homecoming days were over.

We had lost again, but this time, we had been much better than before. We had learned our lessons.

Other than the basketball match, there was not much of an involvement of us middle school kids.

We were, of course, allowed to admire the march of the alumni, graduartes of the long-losty past.

I’ve already mentioned some of these.

Malcolm Reese was not the only one coming from the Hollywood business.

There was actor Jeff Garrett3, hearthrob of many girls in their twenties.

Then there was Mr. Hawke4, mischievous owner of a record label.

Fashion csar Simon Christini5 lengthened the ranks of the alumni.

Harry Joiner6, the utimative icon of American pop art, was equally present.

I was a bit shocked when seeing previously mentioned weather reporter Bruce Windchill.

Of course, Principal Pal was very talkative. He mentioned the great chances of the coeducative revolution.

Mr. Bradford, our lord and owner, was shockingly overwhelmed by the sympathetic treatment from the large mass of alumni enjoyed by the idea of the Pacific Coast Academy going coeducative. While he refused, as of yet, to give a final comment, he was hardly able to oppse such a large body of sponsors and maecens of our school.

Stuart Laser beam got elected as the new bearer of the ivy crown. He was one more single homecoming king.

But most of us were now secure in the knowledge of having just experienced the last time of a homecoming king crowned at this school without a corresponding homecomig queen.

1
cf. True Jackson VP : Little Buddies
2
cf. Drake & Josh : The Bet
3
cf. Zoey 101 : Jet-X
4
cf. Bigtime Rush : Big Time Concert
5
cf. True Jackson VP : The Rival
6
cf. iCarly : iHeart Art

Chapter 13  Giving Thanks

13.1  Spellbound

Thanksgiving was approaching really fast.

I wondered about either staying here during the vacations, or going to Pinecrest and my family.

Alas, mom was likely to work during all the time except Thanksgiving day itself.

Dad was always busy, on and off.

This had been the very reason to send me to a boarding school, anyways.

Even my uncle or my grandma were not available.

Grandma was recovering from some surgery.

My uncle had to look for another booth.

The rents for his old one were growing too fast.

Thus I was like tied to staying here.

Dustin found me sadly at the rim of the campus well. He grinned. “I’ve made 112 points in a spelling be!”

I grinned. “Good for you!” I congratulated the little bugger. “So … you have won?”

Dustin shook his head sadly. “The team from Belleview was better.”

Of course I remembered our painful basketball match at Belleview. “The guys there don’t seem partivularly bright.” I thought of Drake Parker.

Dustin moaned, “that damn’ Megan … she has mesmerised me with her gaze, so I could not answer the tie breaker.”

I took Megan to be a girl from Belleview. I sighed hard. “Take it easy. Not all girls are dumber than boys. Sassafras is so hard to pronounce for a person talking with a lisp. It’s maybe one of the hardest throughout the English language, maybe, don’t you think so?” At that time, I did not know about any lisping person.

This was going to change one day …

Dustin shrugged. “It isn’t that … I so knew how to spell sassafras, but I did not get to say it. I was like spellbound … oops!”

I laughed about the pun. “Yeah, spell-bound, that’s perfect in a speller bee!”

Janitor Herb walked past, almost quoting Shakespeare. “Neither a borrower nor a speller bee!”

Dustin poked me hard for having made fun of the coincidence.

I had to think for a moment. Wasn’t Megan the name of the little sister of Drake?

Dustin sighed deeply.

Logan walked past us.

I explained the situation.

Logan gruted, “speller bees are for losers only! Real men may just laugh about it …”

Dustin was thoroughly grumpy. He had given his best and was just stopped by some naughty witch, truly spellbound. “If my elder sister were here, she would comfort me.” He shrugged sadly.

I nodded. “Probably … won’t she come next fall?”

Dustin nodded. “And I’ll see her at Thanksgiving.” He was lucky to be able to leave the school over the vacations.

As aforementioned, I was ‘spellbound’ to remain on the campus …

But maybe the vacations were not going to be that bad?

13.2  Unexpected Emptiness

The next day, I received a message in my mail box.

The Singers were going to spend a few days, especially Thanksgiving, with relatives in California!

Addie had already seen that coming when talking about the possibility of visiting me briefly.

And they were either going to do so on their way to their target in San Diego County, or on their way back from there. They had been booking flights from New York City to Los Angeles, and they were either borrowing a car from California’s rent-a-car service, or get picked up by their relatives.

Either of these possibilities allowed Addie and Ben to stay here for a few hours.

I preferred to receive their visit at the beginning of Thanksgiving week.

This way, the sudden emptiness of the campus, without Michael and Logan, was a bit more supportable.

The singers agreed with that deal.

What were Thanksgiving breaks like for pupils forced to stay on campus?

During my first year, I was not forced to face this emptiness.

Relatives from Phoenix1 had invited me for the break.

This year, there was no such possibility.

So I was looking forward to the most boring week of my life.

Were we at least allowed to go out for town during on Monday or Tuesday?

The rules said, “no!”

Basically, we were not allowed to leave the campus without prior permission or without the company of a responsible adult.

Thanksgiving evening was filled with a common dinner, a celebration conducted by our ‘worshipped’ Dean Rivers.

His wife Tipper2 had not wanted him with herself during her visit to her mother.

The dean was considered an embarrassment by his wife.

I hoped to never have to meet that psychopathical fury of a headmaster’s wife.

Maybe this was not uncommon.

Alost all of those stern teachers in TV were tortured at home by wives of that sort. Then they take it all out on their pupils.

But participation in said dinner as obligatory for all of us pupils left on the campus.

13.3  Where Does The Sky End?

I had already been at various airports, especially in Los Angeles and in New York City. This time, I was not going to take a plane.

Circumambulating the lounge, I watched the blinking banderoles announcing a whole bunch of air planes touching down or taking off.

Being aboard a flying plane had never been much fun for me.

But waiting in an airport without going to fly was even more enervating.

I read all those foreign places: Montreal, Vancouver, Honolulu, Mexico City, Nassau on the Bahamas …

People were coming from and going to such a big variety of places.

The number of Michael’s flight to Atlanta was now mentioned for the first time.

Michael’s luggage had already been checked. He was only equipped with a carried bag.

I wanted him to stay with me as long as only possible.

But time was running outon him.

His grandmother had already been waiting.

There was no excuse for hesitating his departure. He stepped across the barriers.

I waved at him for one last time before his return from the vacations.

Michael turned around, smiling, and then he was gone for the next week.

I sobbed deeply.

Logan was brought to his residence in Beverly Hills by a black limousine belonging to the Reese clan.

There was a voice announcing the arrival of the next plane from New York City.

This was the machine transporting the singers.

Their relatives from San Diego county had already been waiting here, but I had not been able to recognise them.

But now they were holding up large tables displaying the names of Addie’s and Ben’s parents.

I approached them. “Chase Matthews, a step-relative of the Singers.” I scratched my head.

The people introduced themselves, two adults viz. Mr. and Mrs. Gellar, and their daughter who was not much older than Dustin.

She hated her name and picked others to go by.

Her current choice was Wendy.3

Dustin? The poor little guy was still waiting for his plane to New Orleans. He had come with me and Michael in order to not have to be alone in the bus. He poked me. “She’s hot!”

I felt too old to judge that. “You think so?”

Dustin nodded energically.

I shrugged. “If you say so …”

Dustin sobbed. “I don’t dare to talk to her.”

His restless heart must have been beating at quadruple speed.

Dustin tried to slouch around Wendy.

But she did not quite notice him.

Finally, the Singers had found us.

I greeted them heartily.

Dustin’s machine to New Orleans was now announced for the first time.

Like Michael, Dustin was only equipped with light luggage.

We waved at each other.

But Dustin was particularly consumed by his flamboyant crush for said Wendy.

Alas, the girl just smiled at him.

Mrs. Gellar was going to take me, Wendy, me, Ben,and Addie to the campus of Pacific Coast Academy.

Mr. Gellar was going straight to San Diego County with the parents of Ben and Addie, and with the Singers’ heavy luggage.

I left the lounge of the airport again, wondering about the endless skies traversed by all those machines. In turn, I felt so limited in anticipation of the upcoming week on my campus.

13.4  A Walk Along The Shore

Mrs. Gellar preferred to stay in the lounge.

I showed Ben, Addie, and Wendy across the cmpus.

The kids were totally impressed.

Addie asked, “this looks more like a spa than a boarding school.”

I giggled. “We pupils getr accustomed to it.”

Ben confirmed his sister’s words. “Your dormitory rooms are like palaces.”

Of course the kids were really fascinated by the vicinity of the fabulous shores of Malibu and Santa Monica.

For that avail, we decided to take a walk along the cost, just behind the campus.

The dying sun died the murky brine in a bloody orange-coloured manner.

Ben declared, “this school needs definitely girls … an me!”

Addie poked him unruly between the ribs, making him scream. “A reason why I don’t like going to a boarding schools, be it as spa-like as this one … there are so many boys behaving like Ben. I would go insane.”

Ben glared annoyed at his little sister. “What do you mean?”

Addie poked her tongue whackily at her brother.

Wendy giggled mercilessly. She asked a lot about this school, the classes, the teachers, and so on.

I supposed her to be really interested in joining us upon opening for girls.

This was probably going to be good news for Dustin.

But was there really going to be a chancefor him and Wendy?

Thinking of them meeting here down by the sea shore, a boy and a girl in the moon light and the sound of chirping insects, made me smile.

But, apparently, Dustin was not going to conquer that girl’s heart at whim.

And I was still clueless about girls.

The prospects were wonderful.

But I had to work hard to make something of it.

Unfortunately, the visit of the Singers and Wendy was all but over.

My last familiar company was finally gone.

Loneliness had arrived.

13.5  Lost and alone

The following days were as sad as expected.

There were many more pupils left on the campus than imagined.

But they were not my friends or boys to hanfg out with during most of the year.

I decided to write a few lines of some of the plays started earlier.

During most of the weeks, there was not enough time left.

I used to prefer hanging out with Logan, Michael, and a few other friends. I had to realise them to amount to very few among the great mass of students here at Pacific Coast Academy.

Now we were gathered for the obligatory Thanksgiving dinner.

I could not complain about the food.

But Dean Riveres just had to give a very long and boring speech, mentioning the excruciating hardships faced by the early settlers from Europe on the American continent, especially the pilgrim fathers.

It was hard for people today to relate to them.

Their life in a new world had been one continued daily struggle.

Many of them will have missed their friends and family from the good old world.

Well, maybe it was not all that hard for me to relate to them.

Granted, there was no struggle for survival.

But missing friends and family was all too familiar to me, especially during this one week.

I was looking forward to the weekend and the impending return of Michael, Logan, and many other kids missed badly during those days of giving thanks to the survival in a hitherto barely known world.

1
mentioned in Zoey 101 : The Great Vince Blake
2
cf. Zoey 101 : Coffee Cart Ban
3
cf. Drake & Josh : Number One Fan — family name is chosen akin to same actress’s rôle in Camp Rock — also identified with an unportrayed Wendy mentioned in Zoey 101 : Lola Likes Chase

Chapter 14  Christmas Dismay

14.1  Look Beyond

The last weeks of that fall flew by pretty fast.

Christmas was now awaiting us.

Fortunately, I was allowed to return to my homelands over the vacations.

Another break with almost total strangers, so soon after disastrous Thanksgiving break, would have broken everything inside me, from head to toe.

Alas, I was now already looking beyond Christmas break.

Past that point, the time of a boys-only school were going to dwindle to naught.

Michael was going to get me some gift. “Do you want it before or after the break?”

I pondered. As of yet, I had not got anything for him in return. Thus I decided, “afterwards would be OK …”

Michael smiled. “Thanks!”

Logan considered himself as god’s Christmas gift for the girls of our generation.

There was no need for him to buy or make some presents.

Dustin Brooks annoyed me permanently. He wanted me to give him Wendy Gellar’s address.

Alas, I did not know it.

Dustin did not give up. “You know the Singers!” Why could Dustin not simply wait until next fall?

Wendy was most likely to come to Pacific Coast Academy as one of the first girls.

But Dustin was too obsessed with that girl to even wait a minute.

Now I had to promise him to ask them for the Gellars’ address.

I wiped some heavy drops of sweat off my face.

There was now quite a list of things to do for various kids of my school.

The weather here in the region around Los Angeles was still comfortably mild around this time of the year.

Of course, the northern states along the East coast were a different matter.

Snow and Ice, almost unheard of in Los Angeles, were not uncommon in Pine Crest around Christmas.

And things were even worse in New England proper, i.e. in states like Maine, Vermont, and Massachusetts, residence state of most members of my greater family.

During Thanksgiving, Dean Rivers had talked about the harsh conditions faced by the Pilgrim fathers.

In California, it would have been much easier.

Thus I was going to face a sort of climatic shock.

Southerner Michael had got it a lot easier.

Logan was simply going to stay in California, taking simply a short ride in a limousine to Beverly Hills.

14.2  Black Ice

As expected, a weather shock expected me at my minor airport of New York.

Together with other kids from the northeastern states, I had boarded the plane in the heat of California.

Well, 60 F was not exactly hot.

But you know that stuff.

Leaving the plane in the suburbs of my favourite huge city subjected me to an icy wind, like 30F colder than before.

There was not much snow,

But the boreal wind cut through bone and marrow.

Of course, I had chosen appropriate clothes.

It had been raining recently.

But the cold wind resulted in the wet streets freezing over.

My uncle had already been expecting me. He had founded a new booth in Connecticut. But he was not going to open it before upcoming February.

I slipped into his car.

The term slipping could be understood iin multiple ways.

Verily, I could not see the nearly transparent layer of ice at the parking lot until the point of no return.

Bang!

The ice looked as dark as the macadmised layer of the road.

That’s why we called it black ice.

And I almost was awarded with a black eye for my careless demeanour.

My nose was now hitting the bottom of my uncle’s car.

I felt like beat black and blue.

My uncle had to help me into an appropriate position.

This situation I knew oh-so-very-well.

And not always was it due to snow or ice.

I had slipped on the rice as a flower girl at an aforementioned wedding, landing dace down in the dust.

Several baskeball matches ended for me in a similar manner.

And things were still to come …

Needless to say, we had to be very careful during the trip home to my small town.

The pains awaiting those trapped in a car accident caused by a slippery frozen layer on top of the streets were of a much greater category than those caused by my little accident.

The radio news mentioned several accidents.

Somehow, I started appreciating the mild winters of Los Angeles. But I had to go through this part of hell, as well.

14.3  Ignited Illusion

Finally, Christmas Eve had arrived.

This time, almost all of our family had gathered in my parents’ home.

We used to switch locations from year to year.

The year before, grandpa Joes from Baltimore had had the honour of hosting the family’s Christmas party. He was mom’s father.

Of course, the term greater family must be taken with a grain of salt.

Strictly spoken, most human beings are related in one or the other sense.

Hosting the Christmas party saved my parents from the decision of whether celebrating with dad’s family or with mom’s family.

This had sometimes given some occasion for more or less stupid arguments.

I did never want to go into details.

Many members had come a long way for this Christmas party.

Mine had been the longest, though.

But I was happy to be with my greater family, even more upon having been forced to spend Halloween allone at Pacific Coast Academy.

I was chhosen for igniting the candles of the Christmas tree,

This was a huge honour, wasn’t it?

I took a box of lucifers.

Dad was now supposed to give a little speech about who-knew-what.

Alas, his face was chock full of unease and tension.

I wondered about things going on.

Maybe it was something well-known to everyone here barring me, due to my absence for most of the year.

But I started to worry. Yet I lit the first candles.

Dad choked.

I needed to know it.

Finally, dad started to stammer, “my wife and I, we … are going to get a divorce.”

Some of the candles were already burning.

The tree was safe, it was not a natural tree, but a security made of hardly inflammable material.

I extinguished the phosphorous match on cite.

Alas, I has ignited much more than just a few candles adorning the christmas tree,

Hell no.

My illusions of an ever-lasting family was set ablaze.

The fire had gone wild and was beyond the point of extinction.

One of my aunts took care of me.

We slouched into a silent corner.

I sobbed. “Why this? Why me?”

My aunt sighed.

I asked. “did you know about it?”

She nodded timidly.

I queried, “why did nobody tell me? Why?”

She wiped some sweat off her face. “we hoped them to settle their differences. But they were too deep. Basically, your mom hates my mom, viz. your dad’s mom. Likewise, my bother, viz. your dad, lates your mom’s dad.”

I started weeping.

My aunt made me understand, “this was oe of the reasons for sending you far away. You should be kept out of the struggles.”

I was still absolutely consternated.

Nothing happening during the next days was had even had the slightest chance of changing that.

14.4  I loved you mommy, the day I killed you

The year was now coming to an end, like the marriage between mom and dad.

I had not come to understand why. Maybe I was just too young for that?

In movies, it’s often because of another man or another woman, and crap like that. Maybe it was the same here.

But I was not really in the mood of investigating.

My thoughts already circled abrou nd my impending return to sunny California.

Alas, there was one easily understandable hint about their reason:

According to dad, mom had worked too much and had more time for her office and her clients than for her family.

This made a lot of sense.

I had experienced being rebutted by mom more than once, due to her official obligations.

This hurt me quite a lot.

And I had really needed her so much.

This made me totally unhappy.

Every time this happend, mom was dying a little bit in my mind.

So, sooner or later, she was dead, out of my life.

Now it was New Year’s eve, aka St. Sylvester’s night.

Pope Sylvester had been the first pope to serve under a Christian emperor, Constantine.

This was the end of an old era, pagan Rome, and the beginning of an officially Christian empire.

Likewise, many old things had died for me during the last days.

I had been invited to a party by Benjamin Singer.

He wanted to exclude his sister and her friends, but had been blackmailed subtly into allowing for them.

The party was actually able to distract me somewhat from the events of the Christmas days.

But I had forgotten about many things envisioned to do between the years.

My return to California was already scheduled for the second of January.

And Ben was talking a lot.

I revceived the address of Wendy Gellar.

But I had completely forgitten about a gift for Michael …

14.5  I believe in God? I can hear him laughing at me.

Back at Pacific Coast Academy …

As anticipated, I was now going through a heat shock. I had been freezing in the northeastern states. Back in california, I was finally thawing.

Alas, while almost unheard of in coastal southern California, snow did indeed exist in the mountains of central and northern California.

Some of those mountains were not called Sierra Nevada for no reason, deriving from a Spanish word for snow.

One of my fellow pupils, viz. Mark del Figgalo, had spent their Christmas break right over there, trying to ski.

My mini-accidents on the black ice in New Ypork was nothing compared to Mark’s bad ski crash over at Big Bear Lake.

Mark was now all wrapped in white cotton or linen, just like an Egyptian mummy.

I shook my head.

Michael’s Chrustmas break had been pretyty much normal. Now he gave me the annoounced present, a book with scores for blues songs, especially for my guitar.

That was a cool surprise!

Feeling like the laughingstock of everything formerly watching over me, I was totally in the mood of performing quite a few of those …

Mark’s physical pains were much less to my m ental pains.

Alas, what did I have, in turn, for Michael?

Nothing!

I fainted utterly and completely.

Michael didn’t yet know about my family’s situation.

I didn’t want to onerate him with the tasks of atttemptiung to comfort me.

He was not really great at that.

But, hey, there was something in my luggage …

Rusty Dickerson had givem me soprt of a Christmas present, a few assorted stickers .

I had been unable to appreciate the gift due to the Christmas troubles. Mischievously I passed it on to Michael.

My brown-skinned pal beamed. “Wow, I never had stickers like these!”

This served two purposes at the same time: a gift for Michael, and delaying the need to tell about my situation.

Chapter 15  Break A Spring

15.1  The calm before the storm

Winter went past us pretty fast.

Spring break was already approaching.

I decided not to return to my home in the northeastern lands during those days.

Of course, the divorce of my parents was not a perfect scenario for recovering from the stress of middle school.

Many TV shows had prepared me for the upcoming dirt fight between my parents.

Michael was still not informed about my reasons for feeling torn.

I still remembered my recent fall break, a time of lots or boredom and disgust.

But this time, it was not expected to be really boring.

Quite the contrary:

There was a lot of work to do in order to prepare the campus for the female students expected for next year.

Janitor Herb was going to work together with afoirementioned custodian Gordy from James K. Polk and with some Joe, a greasemonkey living not far away from our campus.1

Needless to say, they could use each and every hand available for backup.

The works necessary for coeducation had already started during Christmas break.

But there was, apparently, not much of an occasion for pushing those actions forward during normal weeks.

Lots of work was still going to expect us after the spring break.

But we tried to get done as much as possible.

Logan, of course, was nowhere near willing to help with the works. He was the one to pay and expected the rest towork for him.

Michael was undecided for most of the time. But, in the end, his wish to see his family again was a lot stronger. He wondered sincerely about my situation. “Your harvest break had been terrible on here. So, why don’t you try to get away now?”

I shook my head. “It would be much worse.”

Michael asked, “oh gosh, what is going on?”

I sighed. I was not yet ready for talking about it. But, finally, I broke the silence … “my parents … they are about breaking apart.”

Michael gasped with consternation. “Really?” He gasped for consternation.

I tried to explain everything.

Michael pitied me.

Alas, Logan must have heard some of it … by chance.

I had tried to hide the situation from him for as long as possible.

Logan had got the obnoxious habit of making fun of his friends’ weaknesses.

This was hardly ever going to change.

15.2  Before the next tear falls

Only three days later did Logan reveil his knowledge. “Aw Chase, this isn’t a bad thing …” Logan had seen his dad marry and divorce many a time. He didn’t really care about it anymore. “Just stop whining, will you?”

Michael was dismayed. “How can you tell Chase such a thing in his situation?”

Logan grunted, “divorces are my daily bread.”

I shook my head.

Logan must have been extraordinarily cold. He had made it through all those marriages of his dad without a trace of an emotion.

But his dad was probably much harder. He had never allowed Logan to shed more than one tear upon a family break-up. He was remarried again after less than a few months, just to navigate safely towards the next divorce, less than a few years later.

That was probably only possible due to Malcolm’s unlimited bank account.

Fast divorces could not be cheap.

Chase’s dad, being only a man of the upper middle class, could hardly afford anything like that. For that reason, he must have hesitated for like two years before making such a hard decision.

In the same time, Logan’s dad had been divorced twice and was probably not going to get tired from it.

Logan sighed.

I wondered.

Maybe he was not really that tough a<and did mind all those divorces of his dad?

Michael asked Logan about it.

Logan shook his head. “It’s not about a divorce. It’s some other sort of break-up … but none of your business.”

I shrugged.

Logan kept on talking, anyways, “well … you know about Hollwood School Of Arts.”

I nodded along with Michael.

Logan explained, “its headmaster and my dad had been friends for decades. Dad is the biggest sponsor of the school. Well, now they aren;t friends anymore.”

I shrugged without understanding Logan’s concern.

He was largely insulated fronn dad;s friendships during the whole year, wasn’t he?

Logan sighed. “now they are at each other’s throat. Brad Eichman will have to leave Hollywood and his job.”

I was still not sure about Logan’s concern.

But this changed fast.

Logan explained, “I have babysitted Morgan2, the daughter of Eichman, quite a few times. If they leave California, I won’t do so anymore.” He was close to sobbing.

Woe, I had never seen Logan like this, and I was hardly ever going to see him in such a manner.

Morgan Eichman, a girl at most in Dustin’s age, must have been the closest thing to a little sibling Logan had ever had.

Her departure hurt him insanely.

That was really strange.

15.3  Between a rock and a hard place

The classes were finally on a halt for ten days.

Most of the boys were gone again.

Janitor Herb had gathered the remaining boys in order to distribute the tasks. “My friend Joe from rthe wrecker’s yard will soon show up with his tool box. Likewise, Gordy from James K. Polk’s should show up in half an hour. Let’s distribute the tasks!”

I was totally looking forward to contributing to the restructuring of the whole thing.

Herb ad Gordy had ordered a few labels for women’s toilets.

A coeducative school needed toilets for boys and toilets for girls, right?

But what exactly was the difference.

We were not supposed to remove all those pissing spots in no time.

According to Dustin, they were useless for girls.

I had not known that. I had not known anything about girls at all.

Dustin was lucky for having got a sister. But now he was not here in order to advise us.

But that wasn’t my problem … at least not yet.

Herb suggested us to break up into little groups of two or three boys.

My partner was called Jim3.

We were assigned to work on the toilets closest to the rocky spots separating the baxck of the campus from the dunes.

Our task consisted in erecting poles in the solid ground.

The poles served for holding waypoints.

Unfortunately, the rocks were not the only hard spots in the region.

The ground wasn’t much better.

I took a cisel and theld it point down.

Jim was now supposed to beat it into the soil.

Alas, i slipped various times, .

The hammer never hit my bones.

But hitting the cisel’s blunt head aslant caused insane vibrations shaking through my bones and my marrow.

This wasn’t too much fun.

And there were my smallest archenemies … racoons!

Or maybe I just imagined them?

Jim saw little mammals rushing across the campus, too. “They are probably just squirrels!”

I wasn’t that sure.

Custodian Gordy slouched past us with a wheelbarrow, loaded with dug soil.

I told him a bout my fear of racoons.

Gordy was renowned for keeping on hunting a weasle rummaging and pillaging the campus of his own school.

Nobody was ever going to understand my fears of racoons better than him.

Gordy decided to load his weasle trap gun. “Racoons and squirrels are as big as weasles. That should work fine!”

Jim shrugged.

Finally, the post was erected.

We had found adecently soft spot between the rocks and the next hard spot in the ground.

15.4  A time to grieve

Inspite of being pretty much distracted by having to do some reasonable work on the campus, spring break was nevertheless filled with moments of sorrow.

The ongoing divorce of my parents was not going to leave my mind.

I tried to hammer it away.

Jim wondered. “What has that nail ever done unto you?”

I shrugged. “He looks like my mom … and the whole divorce thing …”

Jim chuckled.

The labels indicating boys’ and girls’ toilets were now screwed to the loo doors.

Holes were produced with the aid of power drills.

We boys were not allowed to use them.

Only Gordy, Herb, and Joe were authorised to work with them.

And this was a good thing.

Grieve and power tools did not mix very well.

I would have destroyed a lot of the inventory of the school’s buildings.

It wasn’t always easy to be just there in order to hold screws and nails for Joe while thinking with dismay about the events tearing mom and dad apart.

I had already broken many springs, bolts, and nuts duringthe last days.

Finally, there was one last lable to be fixed.

It had nothing at all to do with the upcoming ccoeducational era of Pacific Coast Academy.

Gordy had fixed a number of labels somewhere at James K. Polk’s displaying a weasle’s head.

The labels contained an inscription reading “Public EWnemy Number One”.

And now he just overpainted the weasle’s head, making it look like one of those squirrels.

Those beasts were now declared public enemies.

I imagined such a beast gnawing at the marriage of my parents with its giant rodents.

Those things were sometimes so hard to understand.

But I had to live on.

15.5  My lips are sealed

Summer break had now come to an end.

Michael and Logan, among many other kids, were coming back, one by one.

I was already done with lunch. I had decided to eat early, viz. before the return of the great mass of pupils.

Michael was exhausted. He told me about his adventures during the sprin break. “Are you now over it>”

I shook my head.

Michael sighed. He had not really expected it, either.

Logan walked in, too. He admitted being more concerned about the grave troubles between his dad and Eichman.

Michael had to leave us alone, bound for the cafetria. “I’m so hungry! Grandma had made me some spicy lasagna, but it’s already eaten.” He waved.

Dean Eichman was now planning to go to Seattle and taking over a CEO’s part in the biggest media network centered in the state of Washington, the state of endless rain and gales.

Logan sobbed sadly upon the thought of Morgan leaving California for good. “OK, Chase Matthews, I won’t make fun of the divorce of your parents, but only under one condition.”

I looked up. “You’re going to blackmail me?” I should have expected such a thing from Logan, my ‘second best friend’.

Logan grabbed my collar. “Never ever mention my protective feelings for Morgan Eichman unto anyone, will you? Especially not to all the girls arriving this fall. It would make me uncool. Girls don’t tend to approve of that!”

I stammered, “I sure won’t …” I did not understand that.

Caring for younger kids should make him appear sweeter.

But I promised to keep my mouth shut about it.

Finally, Logan had to leave our dorm in order to fix something at the post office. But he swored to get Eichman to return to Hollywood, one day surely.

It was most likely a parcel from one of his step-mothers.

I shrugged. I was now left alone again, pobndering about the remaining weeks on the campus of this boys-only school.

1
cameo in Zoey 101 : Spring Fling
2
from iCarly : iCarly Saves TV — identifies Dean Eichman with Morgan’s dad viz. TVS boss Brad
3
cameo in Zoey 101 : Pilot

Chapter 16  Summer Chaos

16.1  It ends tonight

Summer time had come.

This was the last day of the academic year.

There was, of course, a lot of a historical moment:

For the last time, the classes opend for boys only.

The next time janitor herb was unclocking the doors to our class rooms, female students were going to mix with us boys.

An era had thus rightfully come to an end.

In order to remember this barren times on the campus of Pacific Coast Academy, I circumambulated the campus and memorised many moments.

Upon my return at the end of the summer, there wouls be many visible changes.

The works on the campus were, of course, going to be sped up dramatically during this summer.

There were always some works during the long break, usually repairs, side by side with a few summer camps organised by various groups more or less tightly linkedto our sponsors.

But there used to be other activities on the campus.

The highlight had been the accomodation of a bunch of participants of the Olympic games in 1984.

Dean Rivers had been just an auxiliary teacher during that time. But he still remembered much of the hype.

Michael and I, wehad once been forced to listen to him talking about that event for over an hour.

There had been no olympic competitions taking place on our pitches or in our pool or gyms.

But those places had been used for training by the resident athletes.

Coach Keller, inspite of not having been present at this school as early as 1984, was still keen on these circumstances. He made us grovel in awe for the medal winners owing their awards ‘exclusively’ to the circumstance of having used our gym for training. He had always urged our board to establish memory stones mentioning the names of the victoruious athletes and their medals and disciplines during the Olympic games of 1984.

The board had been approving this slowly.

The gym entrance now contains an inscription hinting towards those facts.

Their had also been Olympic games in 1932, but our involvement in that event had been much smaller.

Many other historical events had left their traces on this campus as well.

The school was founded during the time of the discovery and exploitation of earth oil in Southern California.

This had been of uttermost significance for the foundation and early expansion of our school.

There were significant oil princes among our first sponsors.

Some of our buildings had been named for them.

Using the names of sponsors for names of events and places at our school was a very common practiced, strictly enforced by Mr. Bradford and our board, still under the presidency of Garth Burman.

Our campus had also been involved in very unpleasant events, such racial upheavals and war preparations.

But I don’t like to talk about them.

In any case, all those events had been taken place on the campus of the old Pacific Coast Academy For Boys.

Tonight was the night of change.

16.2  Do you remember the end?

The night was gone.

This was the start of our summer break.

Just as the year before, a plane was going to take me and almost all of the other kids from the northeastern states to New York.

I had to say good-bye to Michael. I was going to miss him a lot.

Michael was still the only one to whom to talk voluntarily about my parents’ divorces.

Thus two big thiongs had come to an end: The PCA for Boys and my parents’ marriage.

Of course the was no apparent connection between those two things.

I just happened to be involved and struck by both of them.

Eveything was in a flux.

I was not going to recognise my home again upon my long trip.

Likewise, I was going to be surprised by the new outlook of my school upon my return from the summer break.

Michael had already been registered for a summer camp in Perry, Georgia.

I had not yet got similarly reliable prospects. Was I going to stay with dad or with mom?

Neither of these possibilities was associated in any way with any form of pleasure.

Maybe one of my other relatives was going to take me with him and save me for either of my parents.

I just hoped to finds some time in order to write another play. I imagined a romance comedy about a beach guard saving an alien girl stranded in the Pacific ocean.

There were already picttures in my minds, dollowed by a few words, phrases, dialogues, scenes …

Of course those fragments had to be ordered.

I was so keen on being allowed to get one of my palys performed in next year’s drama club.

Remember: It was going to be the first plat with girls acting as girls.

There was no longer any need for transvestites.

I shuddered with disgust upon going through pieces of memories of the performance of Finally Falling.

Glen Davis, aforementioned master jerk number two next to Logan Reese, was still making fun of me and my kiss with Mark. Even on this day of my last departure from the campus of the old boarding school for boys did he not refrain from taunting me mercilessly.

Fortunately, I was now going to board my bus to the airport.

Glen Davis was not in this group.

Dustin was also in my bus. But he was taking a plane to New Orleans.

Our flights were scheduled within the same hour.

For that avail, we shared the same trip to the airport.

A helpful senior was in charge with caring for the luggage of Dustin and other elementary school kids. He was very conscientious.

Dustin’s luggage was twice as large as the little guy.

Alas, his dad was going to return him and his sister in person to the campus for the start of the next year.

This was totally appropriate for new students, especially the girls starting here during the upcoming fall.

Finally, we reached the airport.

Some flights had already been announced.

But I was going to have to wait for a bit. I thought a scene of my upcoming playwright to its consequent end, hoping to be able to remember it later on.

16.3  Jumbled truths

My plane came down from New York’s fading blue sky, touching the city where the lights never die.

My uncle, owner of aforementioned little shop for toons and stuff, was waiting for me.

I was waiting anxiously for his words, expecting a statement concerning my plans for the summer.

He sighed deeply. “Your oparents are so much stoked by their divorce negotiations, ….”

Obviously, both mom and dad had to profer some good reasons.

But they got all jumbled together in front of the sharks and judges.

This was not easy for them to decide.

I understood e.g. Spencer’s troubles

I had anticipated such a thing.

Divorces as fast as those usual in the Reese family were very expensive.

We people from the upper middle class could hardly afford anything like that.

My uncle announced to let me stay most of the summer at his new home in Connecticut, after stumbling briefly into my parents’ home.

Officially, it was still their common residence.

But this was apparently not meant for good.

And then there was that word, Connecticut … this sounded so much like connect and cut!.

My parents had been connected by marriage, a band to be cut asunder without a trace of mercy during those months.

I was apparently going to help my uncle with his new shop, too.

Now we were rigged and ready for the long car trip.

But begfore that, I tried to see Evelyn Wexler in her airport cafeteria.

She was certainly more grateful for my efforts concerning her sister Coco than grandpa Joe had been.

This summer was not going to be anywhere near as much fun as it used to do last year.

But an apparently much more exciting fall was waiting for me after the long break.

I was hardly going to see my Pennsylvanian friends and relatives, such as Rusty Dickerson or the Singers.

This was much more disappointing than having to do without mom.

I still held her prevalently responsible for the family’s downfall, inspite of seeing a few jumbled yet understandable reasons against dad.

16.4  Dashed against a rock

My job for my uncle consisted essentially i cleaning the booth from time to time, but also waiting for delivery vans filled with supplies.

This left me with quite a few hours inbetween.

I hoped to use them for writing on my play about the alien girl stranded in the ocean.

Granted, this topic had been exploited much earlier on.

But my audience were middle school kids.

Thus I had to write in an appropriate manner.

The dramatic scene of stranding should not have been unplayable for a school’s stage.

I did not have the means and the budget of the makers of movies about the sinking Titanic.

A spaceship dashing against a boulder near some Pacific islands and bursting into pieces was the uttermost possible scenario.

There was no way for us to perform such a collision.

But we could easily take a picture of the rocks separating part of our campus from the tunes and paint it onto the background wall of the stage, along with painted or real bits and pieces of trash from a ‘spaceship’.

Greasemonkey Joe was sure going to help us with the trashy part.

The spaceship must have been feeling like the marriage of my parents.

Oops!

Were marriages or spaceship able to have feelings?

Honestly, I did not know.

But for the sake of the drama, let’s assume that they do, OK?

Upon having finished the scene, a van was halted in front of the shop.

It was now my task to let the guys drag the load into the shop.

My uncle was busy in the backroom.

This distracted me from writing on my play.

But obviously I would not have chosen the topic of a stranding spaceship without my parents’ divorce.

Helping the delivery guys did not take too long.

Now I was going to imagine the scene between the alien girl and the beach guard. Of course, I wanted to be that guard. But whom did I want to act as the alien girl?

The first days of the new academic year were probably going to answer the question.

16.5  Wake up, the day is dying

The following weeks, I was going to work until very late on my play.

My uncle only needed me in the evening hours for his shop, anyways.

Thus sleeping until noon or later was not much of a dangerous issue.

Of course this was not a good practice for the upcoming academic year.

I wanted to get up early in order to impress the girls, well, some of them at least.

Logan was probably going to clain most of them for himself. He was simply irresistable for most girls,

There was nothing in my power to do about it, was there?

In any case, I had to be grateful for being allowed to spend my summer with my uncle.

During the following years, I was most likely going to be pushed forth and back between mom and dad.

Those prospects were not encouraging.

Thinking about all that made me stay awake longer during the nights, and wake up later during the days.

And on and on and on it went …

Even Michael was surprised, He had tried to call me before noon, but for absolutely no avail.

Now I told him about my situation.

Michael was as excited about the arrival of the girls as me.

This was the only thing that prevented me from sleeping much longer, my duties in my uncle’s shop notwithstanding.

Last but not least, my play was complete.

I was going to submit it right at the beginning of the new academic year unto Mr. Fletcher, just in time for the choice of the play to be performed officially on the stage of the Pacific Coast Academy.

Otherwise, Mr. Fletcher would have taken over a play written by a pupil from Hollywood School Of Art.

That school had got official playwright ad movie scripting classes, taught by famous Hollywood scripter Gradstein1

But who was going to be my alien girl?

1
mentioned in Victorious : Wiifi In The Sky — really a co-worker of Dan Schneider

Chapter 17  Finally Coeducative

17.1  Starved for affection

Two years of middle school without girls, and a few months of blazing divorce fights, had devoured many of my nerves.

I was really exhausted.

Noone seemed to love me and care about me anymore, barring maybe a few fading frieds and relatives out of sight for most of the year.

This was, briefly summarised, my situation the day I visited aforementioned minor airport in the suburbsd of New York City in order to check in for my third year at Pacific Coast Academy.

Something told me about many things being thirtherfrom subject to severe changes.

Having fixed a cup of sweet cocoa, I was waiting in the big lounge.

There was a soothsayer named Kreuftlva1 lurking around. She foretold various people a few things about their future, among them some of my fellow students of Pacific Coast Academy.

Our official adviser did not mind.

Having graduated, Stu Laserbeam was no longer responsible for us.

I wondered about girls participating in our collective flight.

But there weren’t any.

Probably most parents wanted to drop their kids in person when making it to the new school for the very first time.

It was an extremely exciting event for all parents, both of boys and of girls.

I stoill remembered my first day.

Dad really had to be with me, or else …

Now Kreuftlva passed in front of my nose. She had already foretold various unto celebrities at Broadway, including actors working with Sofia Michelle.

Usually, I did not care about soothsaying. The only thing they were able to predict were upcoming financial hardships. Then they were going to sent you the bill for the consultation, leading thusly to foretold monetary problems. But this time, I needed a few words. But I was too embarrassed to talk about my situation. I asked Kreuftlva to write a few words onto some sheet of paper, torn from an abandoned issue of the New York Times2, and put it into some envelope to be sealed until some later moment.

Kreuftlva shrugged and respected my request.

I was now going to leave for California with a sealed envelope in my suitcase. I was not sure about the moment to read it.

It was more of an emergency anchor calming me down in my situation.

My plane was announced, and we went boarding it immediately.

17.2  Memory of a dream

There I was once again.

Apparently, the arrival of the first girls on my campus made me and many other boys much more excited than usual.

But before thinking about impressing girls with my mighty capital shrubbery, I had to take care of my very own luggage Fortunately, I met Michael before meeting Logan.

On the other hamnd, this could mean one thing:

Logan neglected his luggage and skipped right to the impressing-girls part.

I featured him sitting at the fountain and trying to flirt with random girls.

Michael asked me about the situation in my family.

I was essentially lucky to be screened out of things most likely happening.

This was down to the efforts of my other relatives.

I was really over it.

Michael was also occupied with his luggaged. He told me about the job in his dad’s enterprise. “I will need a lot of bucks for impressing girls. You know, they like being invited to Sushi Rox, or to our campus cinema.”

I nodded solemnly. I had also saved a few bucks from my work for my uncle.

Maybe the hour of truth was close.

You remember my dream from my first night here at Pacific Coast Academy?

I had almost forgotten about it during the months of mourning about my parents’ uneasy break-up.

Yet there was no way to get that dream out of my had.

The dream had been my only inspiration to hold on during my first months in this state far away from my family’s homelands in the northeastern states. It had made me fight for so many things leading finally to the miraculous change of good old Pacific Coast Academy For Boys into the most modern prep schools for boys and girls.

Oh yeah, the campus looked now a bit different.

Workers like Herb and Joe were still busy hastily overpainting labels and pointers.

Some of them were still reading “PCA For Boys”.

I hoped the girls’ dorms to be outfitted in a style suited for girls.

Tracy Baldwin, one of our first female students, had been advising the workers on and off.

Alaso, Coco was put into an appropriate uniform for girls’ dorm advisers. She crossed the campus happily.

I spotted Logan across the campus.

My expectations had so come true.

Not all of the girls appreciated Logan’s arrogant attention.

Some of them treated him the way he deserved.

I hope for many other girls following that example.

17.3  Disembodied voices

Michael had suggested to swarm out and help the new kids, especially the girls among them.

Yet there were also many new boys.

I grabbed my bicycle.

The campus was really big. I was going to learn more about it upon accepting a job as a delivery boy for Kazu’s café.

My famous dream featured a talking girl.

I had never known exactly about her looks.

But her body-less voice had kept on guiding me for many months.

There were many other reasons for me to be particularly excited.

Coach Keller had been persuaded into concentrating more on our football team.

Consequently, we had been granted a new coach for the basketball crew.

Coach Ferguson was a student teacher usually living at a nearby university.

The arrival of the girls was probably helping quite a bit.

However, he was certainly too old for middle school girls.

But our high school seniors, maybe even our juniors, were most likely a different issue altogether …

I haven’t met any of them yet. I just imagined them to be very exciting for young adult guys.

But maybe it was just completely wishful thinking.

I wondered whether girls were going to have their own athletic team, or whether the teams were mixed.

There were strict regulations by the Californian authority for sports at schools.

But those rules were written in most ugly legalese.

And I did not understand any of it.

In any case, were were finally going to have our own real cheerleader squad, not a mix of transvestite guys and hired cheerleader girls from nearby schools.

I imagined Logan to insist in excluding girls from the boys’ teams. He wanted a clear divisions.

According to Logan Reese, girls were only here in order to adorn the campus of the Pacific Coast Academy and to cheer for the boys, rather, only one boy, viz. the one and only Logan Reese.

Sunk in my thoughts, I was a bit less attentive than usual.

Wait!

Being less attentive was usual, as least for me.

Whatever the situation, my bike took magicaly the road to the student drop site.

There I saw Dustin with a man around fourty and a girl in my age.

She was probably Dustin’s sister.

Wow!

What a girl!

Why had Dustin never told me?

Maybe little boys see their elder sisters with different eyes.

Whatever te reason, I was more than a little bit surprised. I failed to notice a flag pole approaching me at high speed. The next moment, I failed a pain somewhere in my face. I floundered, reeled, and keeled over, plummeting mercilessly to the macadamised layer covering the drop site.

My lights flickered and went out for a moment.

17.4  Why they call it falling

A few moments later, I had regained my consciousness. Still dazed, I glared into the face of the blonde. I explained something about flad poles in need of getting readjusted.

That was really stupid.

Of course the flag pole had been in the right place until crashing against me and my bike.

The girl introduced herself as Zoey.

This confirmed her as Dustin’s elder sister.

Zoey’s voice was exactly like that of the anonymous girl of my dream during te first night at Pacific Coast Academy.

Still confused to death, I offered to take Zoey to her dormitory block.

Its name was 101 Butler Hall.

I liked that number.

It was going to be my favourite number during the next few years.

Mr. Brooks accepted after hesitating for a moment dur to being also busy with Dustin.

Butler Hall was not exactly on my way back to my own dorm.

But I pretended this to be the case. I skipped the good-bye scene between Zoey and her dad. A few seconds later, I was about guiding Zoey to Butler Hall.

But my mind was still occupied with other things.

I had to remember the play Finally Falling from Sofia Michelle’s pen. I had never understood that.

Being in love with someone else for the first time is usually called falling.

But now I understood the reason for this to be the case.

Dropping off my bike upon crashing against the flag pole, followed by hitting the ground, had taught me that lesson in a very hard way.

I had now been finally falling, falling, finally falling, falling …

Of course, Zoey had to play the alien girl in my play.

I could not call the alien girl Zoey, but I could not help betraying my inspiration. I named the female main part Zorka from a star far away named Zorkesia.

This was probably a plain givaway for anyone thinking a bit.

We passed several buildings, including a libary rumoured to contain many a book.

I was not a bibliophile.

Those spending most of their spare time in a libary , such as Miles Brody3, used to call themselves like that.

I could hardly pronounce it.

Miles must have grown roots in the library by then.

I did not want to check.

Zoey was fun and smart and sweet and pretty and …

I could hardly get enough of her.

But did she notice anything of that?

17.5  Faceless and nameless

I had even showed Zoey to her new home.

She had got two roomies, just as usual.

One of them was Nicole Bristow, a hysterical bimbo wench, spoiled daughter of a juice vendor from Kansas.4.

The other one was a bitchy, arrogant tomboy named Dana Cruz.

I supposed her to cause a lot of troubles unto Logan Reese.

The spoiled adonis was not accustomed to the existence of tomboys.

They simply did not exist in his stupid little world.

I hoped him to learn one or another lesson.

I was not going to see those girls until a few hours later, though.

Zoey wanted to try out for the basketball team.

My heart beat faster.

Training side by side with the blond sugargirl would have been going to be heaven for me.

But Logan denied girls the access to the team.

I didn’t dare to say anything. I was too overwhelmed by the prospects of my dream coming true.

The faceless and nameless girl of my first dream on this campus had finally materialised.

There was a name sounding more beautiful than any word ever heard before.

Later, Miles told me about the origin of the name.

It was derived from a greek word for life.

In other words, I had just been feeling to turn alive. But I was still paralysed by her excessively pretty face.

Zoey wanted to gather a group of girls and demonstrate the girls’ ability to play basketball as well.

Logan just laughed about those. “Girls can’t play basketball. They are much too weak and too small.”

Maybe she was much better than anyone believed? In any case, she grunted and called for the other girls, including Dana, Nicole, a nerdy-looking wallflower named Quinn Pensky, and many others.

I deemed girls able to be able to play almost any sport very well.

But this was a totally chaotic mixture.

In any case, I had already forgotten about the letter from Kreuftlva.

1
cf. True Jackson VP : True Parade
2
journal which I don’t own
3
cf. Zoey 101 : Robot Wars
4
cf. Zoey 101 : Webcam

Chapter 18  Moving Out

18.1  Betrayal

It was the day of the big basketball game between us boys and the girls under the guidance of Zoey Brooks.

For all ends and purposes, the girls’ team could be considered as consisting exclusively of Zoey.

The rest was just in her way.

Nicole and Quinn were just jokes.

Zoey must have been desperate when composing her team.

Dustin was watching us, too, side by side with his best friend, Jack. He was in a severe conflict. He loved his elder sister and was urged to cheer for her and her team.

But this was most likely going to be deemed as a case of extreme treason by most of the other boys.

The situation was thus perversely absurd.

Honestly, not cheering for a beloved family member should have been considered a form of severe betrayal!

Zoey may have smothered Dustin with her exaggerated ptatronising demeanour and protectivity.

But, summing it all up, he could be very lucky for the circumstance of being here with an elder sibling to look up to.

Surprisingly, Dana Cruz was not a member of the girls’ team. As a atomboy, she should have been the one to be considered most capable of putting up with male athletes. But she had declined.

Why was this the case?

I could only speculate.

Maybe she wanted to become a cheerleader chieftain.

Cheerleading was a mixture between athletics and performance arts.

Most people may think prevalently of the latter aspect.

But it involved hard gymnastics as well.

And Dana was really well-trained. She could support a whole pyramid on her shoulders if necessary. For that avail, she refused to go against Logan’s verdict. But she wanted to appear strong and independent, and not as succumbing to the jerk of jerks. Thus she had quitted silently, with reasons as stupid as “I’m not willing to get mained by the boys’ teams.”

Some people may consider this as a form of treason.

Whatever the sutation, we had to leave our bleachers and cabins in order to await the first ball of the match.

Logan kept on making fun of the girls’ team.

I could not take this ieasily. I would have loved to slap him for his jerkish and sexist remarks.

Of course, he would have slapped me back and got me expelled from the team.

I sighed deeply.

The world was so unfair.

18.2  Unguarded touch

Coach Ferguson served as an umpire.

Given the lack of girls besides Zoey, the match started very much one-sided.

We boys appeared pretty soon put of reach.

Logan could not refrain from his excruciatingly perverse arrogance.

Zoey did not getd distracted easily. She played very well.

Unfortunately, we were in different teams.

I would have preferred infinitely much to play side by side with her.

We would have been a very good team.

This was so at least in my latest dreams.

But now I was forced to play for my team, the boys’ team of the Pacific Coast Academy.

And Logan Reese was my captain.

I was chained to obey to his instructions and directions.

Zoey’s elegant moves and nimble treatment of the ball did not escape from Logan’s attention. It was simply too evident.

But there was nno way for someone like Logan Reese to ever acknowledge that.

Quite the contrary: Logan responded with increasingly arrogant remarks. At least he stuck to verbal abuse.

Well, that was the situation until the very middle of the match.

Zoey’s supreme mastery of the ball started annoying the living hell out of the king of jerks.

Verbal attacks were probably no longer enough.

Zoey was cool enough to ignore them or, even much better, counter them with her supreme wit.

But Logan’s patience was finally coming to a bitter end.

He did not stick with the verbal level, but he too refuge in physical violence.

Zoey had lowered her guards for one moment in order to watch out for a free fellow player.

Logan abused this moment shamelessly in order to push Zoey off balance and make her stagger, fliunder, and stumble mercilessly.

I looked consternated.

Dustin booed at the very top of his lungs.

Zoey ly now down in the dirt. Was she injured?

I was paralysed and could not move closer.

She appeared to be slight;y bleeding.

Logan feigned innocence.

But should I have believed him? I did not know.

Logan was sure up to using mean actions in order to get through.

Nobody dared to challenge him.

Zoey cringed in the dirt. But she was not willing to give up. She was probably refusing to give up until three days after her own death.

I could not allow Logan to get away with that perverse action. Hell, I did not want him to get away. But was I a coward or a traitor? I saw myself painted with the outlines of Benedict Arnold, hitherto biggest traitor in the American history.

Intervening for Zoey’s sake would have gotte me into serious troubles in our team.

Angels and devils were sitting on my shoulders, arguing vehemently.

The world around me disappeared from my mind.

18.3  Recoil

Finally, I decided to do the right thing and slap Logan across the face.

My team mates were consternated.

How could I do that?

Unfortunately, Logan Reese did not even feel much of the impact of my palm in his face.

Quite the contrary, the recoil from the strike made me flounder and stumble, strecthing me flat into the dust, not far from Zoey’s place.

I passed out for quite some time.

Properly spoken, my consciousness had already disappeared upon seeing Zoey cringing on the ground, possibly covered with some blood.

I woke up in the nurse’s station.

Zoey was not far away. She would have kept on playing, but she had decided to look after her champion.

Dana had finally decided to jump in. She had even come close to defeating the boys’ team single-handed.

Zoey’s wounds were still there, likely to leave a few scars or bruises during the following weeks. But she was tough enough to stand through that.

I smiled.

The nurse was such a disgusting fury.

Fortunately, she had been called to an emergency in some other place.

A few days later, Nicole was fessing up to having caused that emegency call with a feint collapse, just in order to give me and Zoey a few moments for ourselves.

Zoey remarked, “that was so really sweet.”

I blushed furiously.

Dustin snuck in. He thanked me for trying to avenge the attempted muder committed unto his sister.

Zoey chuckled.

Coach Ferguson had decided to let both Zoey and Dana join the team, along with Michael and two other boys.

Logan had lost his position as a point guard to much better Zoey. He was not going to take this lightly.

I wondered about the possible actions taken by Logan upon my intervention.

Un fortunately, the nurse was not gone for long enough.

Dustin was on his way out, too. He was still into aforementioned Wendy Gellar, calling her a hot chick.

Zoey did not like Dustin’s vocabulary for denoting girls. But she could not help it.

I chuckled.

Zoey grunted at me, “what?”

I blushed nervosuly.

Zoey shrugged.

The nurse was preparing two syringes with very long needles. She yelled like a fury, complaining about Nicole’s deeds.

The mere size of those instruments made me pass out once more.

18.4  Don’t you dare

The next day, I was released from the nurse’s station.

It was now needed for the victims of the football team’s training.

Coach Keller had not been going exactly easy on those trying out for the team.

I was now finally on the brink to my dormitory room. At least I still believed it to be mine. But I was soon going to learn a leasson teaching me something completely different.

In my absence, Logan and Michael had decided to expell me from their dorm.

More precisely, Logan had decided to do so and to pay Michael for not contradicting.

Michael needed the money for sun blocker. Or so he said.

I was not mad at Michael.

He shouldn’t have suffered as much from sticking up to Logan as in my case.

Michael was sad to have to tell me about Logan’s decision. At least he helped me getting my belongings together.

Logan had decided to fill the vacancy in his dorm with one Brad McClaren1, a jerk even dumber than Logan.

I was expected to be out at noon.

This was sad. It was very sad.

I sighed bitterly.

Michael hugged me one last time.

It wasn’t much easier for him.

But Logan was the one in possession of both the money and the power.

But where was I going to?

I had to move in with one boy hitherto inhabiting a cell on his own.

By all means, it could not be a very popular boy.

I tried to guess it.

It could not be very hard to figure.

There was only one boy causing four boys into a room thought for three boys, just in order to avpid being with him.

It was just such a repelling thought.

My new room pal was thitherfrom going to be nobody other than: … Mark Del Figgalo!

Michael had to torture himself hard into announcing this devastating verdict.

I had always avoided Mark as much as possible.

Everyone had done so.

I had even forgotten his family name.

But this was now no longer possible.

It was worse than a death sentence.

Worse than anything else was, of course, our kiss at the end of aforementioned performance of Finally Falling.

Zoey finding out about it would have been probably the end of my hopes, the end of my dreams.

No girl wanted to date a boy having dressed like a girl and kissed another boy, and even sharing a room with the same person.

That was just too gross to bear, especially for a perfect girl like Zoey Brooks.

My life was now ruined.

18.5  Abandoned resistance

I would have tried to protest against that treatment.

But my will was already gone.

There I was just on the brink to my death row cell.

Basically, my new home did not look much worse than any other dormitoruy room at the Pacific Coast Academy.

But the reputation of sharing a room with Mark del Figgalo was going to be fatal.

Mark didn’t talk much. Why should he have tried to, anyways? His words hwere so totally boring.

At least my nights were ow safe from Logan’s boasting self-indulgence.

But boredom was now going to devour me slowly.

Of course I was not going to tell Zoey about the fatal kiss with my new roomie.

She was inevitable going to think of us as a gay couple.

But Logan Reese was totally likely to blackmail me with spreading this dangerous information.

Would Zoey ever have believed me in such a case?

I did not dare to bet my sore butt on it.

Thus I had to force my self into keeping my mouth shut and not complain too much about Logan’s deeds.

This hurt a lot, oh so much.

IMark wondered, “do you play battleships?”

I shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

We started playing for a few turmns.

I won every time.

Mark did not mind.

But inspite of allowing me to concentrate on the match, my thoughts centred around one question:

How to prove unto Zoey that Mark and I were not a couple?

I chanted about being standing in a crossfire and being stranded on a high wire.2

Oh, talking about new roomies … Zoey appeared to be tired from the ongoing bickering between Dana and Nicole. She was now pondering about leaving them alone and moving in qwith Quinn, a quirky girl without friends, similar to Mark.

Hm … there was a fleeting idea in order to get rid of any rumours. abiut me and Mark being a couple.

Mark needed a girlfriend, let’s say, Quinn.

But I am way too naïve for such a plot, ain’t I?

1
cameo appearances in e.g. Zoey 101 : Webcam — surname chosen for same actor’s task in Judging Amy which I don’t own
2
alludes to a song by Bellamy Brothers which I don’t own

Chapter 19  Quinnventions

19.1  You Cannot Lose What You Never Had

The next morning, I went to breakfast with Mark.

More precisely, we had just left our dorm together.

I tried to tget rid of him as soon as only possible.

It was especially necessary for me not to be caught with him for too long by Zoey.

It was not too late.

I flattered Mark into waiting in the queue before me. “You need to look for a tutor for Spanish, right?”

Mark nodded.

I was hardly on my own in the moment of Zoey’s arrival. “Where are your roomies?”

Zoey sighed. “It’s impossible. Dana sleeps until five minutes before classes, and Nicole wakes everyone up with her stupid fan.”

I shuddered.

Zoey asked, “sorry for the inconvenience. I didn’t want you to have to trade rooms just in order to try to defend me.”

I sweated, blushing slightly. “It’s OK.”

Zoey sighed. “Unfortunately, I need them. I always lose my room key. And now they make me lose my sanity. What about you?”

I fainted. “My sanity?” I scratched my bushy hair. “Well … may you lose what you never had?”

Zoey shrugged. She looked at me in a scrutinising manner. “Hardly!”

I gasped. “Thanks for the compliment!”

Zoey nodded solemnly. “It was a pleasure. Maybe I should change roomies, as you did. At least for a few days. Dana and Nicole need to cool down a bit.”

I nodded. “Also, some of us tie their key around their throat, like a locket. I don’t. I would just forget my throat along with my key …”

Zoey chuckled politely. “Aw Chase!”

Dustin Brooks walked past us.

Little brothers tend to intervene in the worst moments.

This I had learned from many movies by Malcolm Reese, such as In The Middle1.

Dustin was obviously low on money. “It was a case of emergency. I needed those gummi worms …”

Zoey glared aghast at her little brother.

Too bad she did not have endlessly much money to spend.

Needless to say, I was always broken.

Money wasn’t something to lose, either.

Boys were apparently not good at managing their budget.

I had already started asking Kazu.

But the owner of Sushi Rox was already booked out.

Logan had just been hired.

I wondered seriously about that.

Logan was definitely not in need of a job.

Dustin sighed for disappointment. He needed some other way to make a few bucks in order to be able to afford his addiction to gummi worms. He was, in addition, too young to work at Sushi Rocks or in any of the shops on the campus. Even more, he needed money for cinema tickets in order to invite Wendy. But he did not let Zoey know about that.

The overprotective girl would have wondered about Dustin’s crush and stuff.

I shrugged helplessly.

19.2  Screaming silence

At lunch, Quinn came over to us. She was working on some theory.

It did not understand it.

But she appeared to scare many a guy away with it.

Michael had been none of her victims.

Quinn explained, “You can’t hear food scream. But this does by means imply the lack of it having emoptions.”

My head was turning around.

Quinn started fingering my food in a attempt to feel the emotion. “It may be happy, or sad, or excited …”

Whatever, I was definitely not happy about getting my food fingered.

Zoey told me not to be too rude to Quinn. “She hasn’t got any friends yet, and she inhabits a dormitory room all on her own. She must be very lonely.”

I grumbled silently. I had got a few theories explaining Quinn’s loneliness. But I was not allowed talking about them and was forced to flatter the geeky something.

Then Zoey decided to move in with Quinn for a while. She was this way able to avoid getting permanently trapped in the crossfire between Nicole Bristow and Dana Cruz.

I shrugged. “Oh, yeah, that’s a good idea?” May I was thus going to get Mark to get to know Quinn.

Alas, my gut feelings did not leave me at ease.

I was never any good at tricky intrigues.

Quinn continued, “don’t worry about all the test tubes and other things standing in my room. The chance for any of those blowing up is only once in seven.”

I gasped and started shivering.

Zoey sighed. “You just have to be careful, promiesed?”

Quinn nodded cheerfully. “I’ve once blown up a baskeball, using a mixture of …” She named some very tricky, lenghty, and complicated chemical formula.

I used to sleep during science classes.

Mrs. Bromwell’2 classes were the most boring of all. She did not believe in my bushy hair being all natural.

I hoped for Zoey to survive the whole thing.

19.3  Nightmare

The next morning, I had less troubles getting rid of Mark.

He was appointed for tutoring in Spanish.

And his tutor was no other than little Dustin Brooks. The gnome had ‘learnt’ Spanish from stupid Mexican sitcoms.

Hey, I’ve got nothing against sitcoms.

Some of my best friends were sitcoms.

You don’t bvelieve me?

OK, it wasn’t my problem, anyways.

I met Zoey.

We greeted and decided to play some table soccer.

There was a table in my lounge.

I expected girls to be not very goot at it. But I was thoroughly wrong.

Zoey even had to pretend being suckish in order to prevent me from losing my patience and my interest. In the end, she beat me with a trick. “There’s a giant hamster standing behind you …”

I fell for this like a child.

But it was OK.

Zoey had not had a very good night.

Quite the contrary …

She had been waking up in the middle of the night, feeling gazillions of wires and needles attached to her head.

Quinn had been measuring the depth of Zoey’s sleep with some strange apparatus.
It was one of her inventions, or, according to her own judgment, ‘quinnvention’.

Zoey must have had some sort of a night mare, but now while sleeping, but upon waking up and finding herself wired and screwed.

Quinn was crazy, or, better, quinnsane!

Zoey should have left that torture chamber as soon as only possible.

Nicole and Dana may have been horrible, but they did not drill holes into your head!

This was not nearly all.

The strict prohibition against keeping pets notwithstanding, Quinn hosted a hen. She offered the beast’s eggs unto Zoey as breakfast.

Zoey had declined for disgust and feigned to skip breakfast.

Quinn had then told Zoey to be in time for supper: fried chicken!

This was way too much for poor Zoey.

I offered Zoey to help her moving back into her old dorm.

This was the one and only sane alternative.

Zoey sighed. She had to check with Dana and Nicole first.

I shrugged.

That was totally OK.

I hoped for them having made up.

This was unlikely.

But it wasn’t necessary for them to be best friends forever, just to leave Zoey out of their guerilla.

Likewise, I invited Zoey for cinema on Friday night.

Zoey smiled. She like one of the movies shown during that week.

Unfortunately, Nicole and Dana were probably going to come with her.

19.4  The vacuum of time

I snuck to Quinn’s dorm, followed by Mark.

“Why are we going this way,” wondered my inert room comrade.

I explained hypocritically, “it’s a shortcut to your Spanish tutor.”

Mark sighed. “I’ve given up on that.”

I wondered why.

Mark explained, “Dustin only knows four words … el elefante es grande. I want my four bucks back.”

I shrugged. “Then you’re right here. We’re going to see his sister. She will sure give you the bucks back.”

Oops!

That was not a nice thing to promise.

Mark shrugged.

And there we were.

Quinn was doing her laundry, using some undefined chemical stuff.

The steam hissed and bubbled.

A haze penetrated Quinn’s dorm.

Quinn smiled. “Perfect! Oh, do not touch the liquid in the matrasses over there. It is able to dissolve pork faster than sulphur acid.”

I did not understand the chemical details. But I did not want to experience their meaning.

Zoey’s gaze told me to refrain from touching anything.

She was still totaly consternated.

I introduced Mark del Figgalo. “By the way, this is my roomie Mark, he is …”

Quinn swooned. “Aw Mark … what a romantic name!”

I grinned deep inside.

Mark did not budge from exhibiting a deadpan.

This did not look so great.

But maybe I just had to be patient.

Mark asked Zoey, “may I have my four bucks back?”

Zoey wondered, “I haven’t borrowed anything.”

Mark stammered, “your brother took them for teaching me Spanish. But he only knows four words.”

Zoey sighed deeply. “I’m sorry, but that’s not my problem.” But she was sure going to teach Dustin a lesson, and not in Spanish.

I hoped her to go easy on the poor little guy.

Finally, Zoey had gathered her belongings.

I needed to help her a bit.

Quinn glared at Mark with hungry eyes.

Alas, Mark just stood there like a rock statue. “Why is Clint staring at me like this?”

I coughed. “Quinn … her name is Quinn …”

Mark shrugged without caring.

Alas I could not refrain from touching one ‘quinnvention’.

It looked like a vacuum cleaner working backward: It blew instead of sucking. I shrugged.

Quinn explained, “this is a silent leaf blower. It doesn’t make any noise!”

I smiled. “How nice … for the leaves … isn’t it?”

Quinn nodded triumphantly.

In this moment, Nicole and Dana stood in the door frame.

Dana still called Nicole a ‘hair freak’.

I took the leaf blower. “OK, Nicole, this thing allows you to do your hair without annoying Dana.”

Nicole glared aghast. “It does?”

Quinn agreed. She explained the features of her hair blower. “It is based on several important principles of aerodynamics. First,m Bernouilli’s effect …” She went on and on.

Nicole sobbed. “Ouch! Does drying your hair have tp be that complicated?”

Dana threatened Quinn into shutting up.

Zoey grabbed the blower. “Come on, Nicole, just let’s try it!”

Nicole smiled. She was incredibly happy about the nice gift.

19.5  Technological Reality

Disappointed Mark stumbled home.

Zoey had gone going to talk to Nicole and Dana.

They were making new a room code.

This left me for a few moments with Quinn.

Ahe started talking, “Mqark is your room comrade, isn’t he?”

I nodded. “Yeah, since a few days. Logan wanted me out of his dorm, …”

Quinn swooned. “Isn’t Mark the cutest of all names? And what a hot guy … please say he’s hot!”

I stammered. “I don’t know. Boys don’t tend to call other boys hot … oh yes, he sure is …” I sweated. Of course, I just had said so in order to avoid upsetting Quinn.

Quinn kept on talking about Mark in some excessively euphorical manner.

Yeah! She begged me to arrange a date with Mark. She didn’t know thow to talk to boys.

I asked, “buy you talk to me!”

Quinn shrugged. “Yeah, I know that. So what?”

Ouch!

That hurt.

But I promised to help her getting her Mark.

Quinn asked, “what is his family name?”

Inspite of having known him for two years, I had only starting recording his name during the last few days.

It was still a bit flaky.

I tried hard. “Di Figaro … or something in that vain!”

Quinn smiled. “OH, such as the famous opera by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart?”

I was not into operas.

Quinn undusted something bound for turning out as a jazz trombone. “Do you want to listen?”

This was absolutely not my taste for music.

I had to remain polite , though . “Tomorrow morning … wake me up with it… me and Mark!”

Quinn beamed brightly. “Maybe not tomorrow, but I will, surely some day!” She swooned.

I saw so many scientific things lying around. “where do you get all these from? And why?”

Quinn grinned. “From your former tutor for science.”

I gasped. “Cal?”

Quinn nodded solemnly. “He’s now at Caltech. But he has been my advisor at Camp Tech last year, and he has got me interested in this school.”

I choked. “Sounds like him …”

Quinn confirmed. “He is also going to sell me some powdered plutonium. Do you want to watch me …”

I shook my head. “I haven’t got any time left because of having to think about ways to bring you and Mark together …”

Quinn smiled. “OK! Thank you so much!”

I sighed and smiled on my way out.

1
spoof off Malcolm In The Middle, a show I don’t own
2
cf. Zoey 101 : Zoey’s Tutor

Chapter 20  Confess Or Stress

20.1  Arrogance and beauty, painted in ugliness

Not much later, Kazu allowed me to work for him.

I had to ‘help’ Logan with his deliveries.

And this could mean only one thing:

I had to carry all the dead fish and other ugly orange stuff for him.

Logan walked behind me and combed his hair. “I need to look impressive for the girls. I can’t sweat, or smell like fish. That’s your task!” He was going to hand the sushi to the girls visited.

I was only allowed to render the orders to the boys.

That was totally unfair.

But that was business as usual.

The campus was big.

Sometimes even the teachers and staff members living slightly off campus ordered supper from Kazu’s Sushi Rox.

Needless to say, there were so many miles to walk, carrying sushi boxes and listening to Logan Reese’s arrogant talk, complete with yelling, insults, and humiliation.

Worst of all, there was still no reason for him to ‘earn’ any money be ‘working’ as a delivery boy for Kazu.

His pocket change probably exceeded the value of the furniture of Sushi Rox.

He was probably only doing that in order to have a reason to impress girls otherwise uninterested.

Or there was something even weirder behind all of that.

Now we had an evcen bigger delivery to perform.

On top of carrying all the stuff from Suyshi Rox, I was forced todrag a giant stuffed bear around.

Logan wanted to use it as a gift to the girls from Butler Hall, making up for his mean attitude during their first few weeks here at Pacific Coast Academy.

According to my judgment, one big plush beast was not enough for achieving anything near like that.

Pushing Zoey into the dirt was a capital crime requiring much more severe repentrence and atonement, such as the famous penance walk of some medieval emperor to Canossa.

Or was that the name of some Southern American card game?

I was totally no good with foreign words.

How was it possible to tell all those stupid words apart, anyways?

Zoey did that with ease.

She was so adorable.

“Where’s the plush bear from?” I wondered.

Logan coughed. “From … FluffyToys dot Com.”

I had never heard that.

It must have been some online toy shop.

But Logan hardly knew how to use the interweb.

Whatever, there was that titanic yet innocent bear made of fleece and plush.

The beast caused me a lot of troubles.

Logan chuckled all the way while watching me stumble on and off. Yet he refused to exonerate me some.

20.2  Harsh revelation

The girls had been content for the gift.

Thus I didn’t bother any longer. I was totally naïve.

Back in my dorm, I needed to recover from the tough tour.

My bones hurt.

Or, saying it with Nicole Bristow’s words, even my hair hurt.

I lay down on my bed.

Sudsdenly, a hitherto unencountered girl burst into my room. She thundered, “is Mark here?”

I shook my head. “he’s probably still with his new tutor for Spanish.”

The vistitor looked at her watch, “Heyt, we are appointed for supper, right in Sushi Rox. He knows that I don’t like having to wait.” She appeared qquite familiar with Mark del Figgalo.

I dared to ask, “OK, I’ll tell him.” Really, I hated being the messenger of bad news. But I needed to know the source of the message. “You’re Mark’s sister or his cousin?”

That was a very daring question, indeed.

The angry girl thundered, “hey, shutup, Mark is my boyfriend!”

I gasped for excruciating consternation.

Mark had already got a girlfriend?

But that was impossible!

The school was open for girls only since the beginning of the academic year.

Mark Del Figgalo hardly ever talked to anyone. He didn’t socialise much.

There was no way for him to find a girlfriend that fast.

I stammered, “you and Mark?”

She yelled at me, “Hey, I’m Courtney Simmons1, I don’t have to answer to the questions of some arbitrary loser like you! Now tell Mark aboout my visit. I’m very angry!”

The latter was so obvious.

Coutney walked out on me and slammed the door shut with some earthquaking noise.

I sighed with despair.

Poor Quinn!

Her hopes of dating Mark were now dwindlking to zilch.

Who would have guessed anything like that?

I had to inform Quinn about that.

It was probably going to break her heart.

But getting to know it from someone else would have made her even more upset at me.

She would have accused me of having purposefully made her swoon for a guy already taken.

My stomach cramped.

I had to go to the toilets and take a shower, anyways, in order to gewt rid of the odor of decaying fish and kelp.

20.3  Gasping confession

The next morning, I met Zoey for breakfast.

Zoey and Nicole were somewhat strange.

A few boys passed by, such as disgustingly foul jerk Brad, and made very obscure remarks.

Brad wanted to know, “where am I on Nicole’s hottest-lips-list?” He laughed mercilessly along with som of his pals.

Nicole was consternated.

Zoey grunted, “OK, what is going on?”

Totally clueless, I shrugged timidly.

Zoey explained, “all the morning, various boys pass by and make remarks like that.”

I remembered the girls having played a game of confess or stress during the last evening. “Maybe they have heard you playing the confessional game?”

Zoey shook her head. “But how? There were no boys in our lounge while we were actively playing. And we have fiven oathes unto each other to not betray anything reveiled during our game unto the boys.”

Nicole squealed, “But Brad’s lips are really hot!” She was such an enervating bimbo wench.

Zoey sighed. “Nicole is the only girl in her tutoring group. She makes a list of the hottest boys’ lips. Somehow, those boys must have heard about it.”

Nicole glared, “do you have to tell?”

I sighed. “Sorry for being here. But I have to talk to Quinn. It’s urgent. And it must be nowm, for there won’t be any time left after classes. Kazu needs me.”

Zoey looked at her wrist watch. “She’ll be here in … five … four … three … two …”

Quinn snuck around the corner. She was as reliable as a clockwork. “Hi!”

I trembled for fear and timidity. “Quinn … I have to tell you something …”

The geeky girl glared at me. “What> You have told everyone about the sixth toe of my right foot? You may now go and dig your own tomb!”

I scratched my chin. “Sixth toe?” I had never known of that fact.

Zoey grabbed Quinn. “Calm down! Chase can’t even count until six.”

I grunted, “thanks?”

Zoey had slightly exaggerated.

But I really wasn’t good with numbers, as totally opposed to Dustin.

Quinn knew that and refrained from killing me with one of her recent, yet untested inventions.

Then I started to stammer, “OK, Quinn … it’s about Mark …”

Quinn beamed. “Tell me, did you comr to pick one of his nose hairs while asleep?”

I shook my head.

Quinn pouted.

I sobbed. “Mark is already taken …”

Quinn screamed for anger, making the breakfast tables tremble and some cups shatter.

Nicole wondered, “are we talking about that Mark? The most disgusting dweeb of the whole school? His lips are like frozen sandpaper.”

Zoey nodded , agreeing with Nicole.

None of them would have dare to issue their honest opinion concerning Marke del Figgalo when knowing about Quinn’s crush on him.

But now they had gone too far in hurting her delicate feelings.

Quinn thundered, “you unruly freaks! I’m so done with you!” She stood up and ran away.

I sighed deeply. I told them about Quinn’s undying crush on Mark del Figgalo.

But it was probably already too late.

20.4  A fate worse than death

The evening hours had been particularly hard.

Logan was declared ‘sick’.

For that reason, Kazu forced me to do all the work on my own.

Now, Logan hadn’t been much of a help, anyways.

Or so it seemed.

Well, he had been at least useful in order to yell the directions at me.

Without his remarks, I had been running in circles.

But the customers wear even worse.

I had to deliver spiced tuna to some guy with a goat.

Weren’t pets strictky illegal in our dorms?

Well, while delivering, I had gone so totally insane and mindless, too crazy for thinking about this rock-solid rule.

Now I dropped dead onto my bed.

But Mark was already in our dorm. He was unusually early. He had been appointed with Courtney. “Hi, Chase!” In addition, he appeared covered with sonme hardly fathomable liquid.

I moaned, “HI! Wait, mark, aren’t you out with Courtney for cinema?”

Mark yawned. “It has been canceled.”

I wondered, “The cinema has been closed down?” I must have gone completely insane. I had passed the movie theatre like thrice during my deliveries.

The cinema had seemed totally alive.

Music and voices had been heard from inside.

Pupils had been waiting in a queue.

It had surely appeared like business for usual.

Mark shook his head. “My dates with Courtney have been canceled.”

I gasped. “What?”

Mark explained, “I was late again. Just as yesterday, tutoring in Spanish took too long, half an hour.”

I shrugged. “Who’s your tutor, anyways? You’ve fired Dustin.”

Mark nodded. “It’s Tracy Baldwin. Courtney has been jealous for her. She poured her smoothie all over me.”

This explained the wet stains covering Mark.

I shook my head.

That Courtney Simmons was incredibly base.

Mark needed to improve his grades desperately.

How could she deny him take longer lessons?

I could have asked Tracy Baldwin to go to Courtney and clear it up.

But maybe there was a chance for Quinn?

I was better going to be the first to tell her.

She was in such a desperate state. And she was not up to joking.

Upsetting her any further would have earned me a destiny worse than anything found in the biblic apocalypse.

20.5  It wasn’t my fault

The next morning, Zoey and Nicole were even more upset.

Some of the boys kept on making fun of them, even worse than before.

Dana was so going to kill the responsible person.

Odf course it wasn;t my fault.

but were those girls going to believe me? They hardly believed each other.

I had decided to skip them and visit Quinn.

The poor geek girl was still heart-broken due to Courtney.

Now this information was already meaningless history.

I squeezed myself into Quinn’s dorm.

She had not eatebn for a whole day, had been sobbing during classes, and hidden in her dorm outside classes.

Even her experiments were not finished.

Now I felt so guilty for having told Quinn about Courtney in the first place.

But I could not know in advance about Courtney’s and Mark’s impending divorce.

So it wasn’t my fault. was it?

But how was Quinn going to look at that?

I trembled from head to toes. “Quinn, have you got a moment?”

Quinn did not seem to notice me for real. She wanted to drown in her own tears.

I stammered, “Mark and Courtney have broken up.”

Quinn had got a hard time believing it. She accused me even of having lied deliberately about Mark hhaving a girlfriend. “Why would any girl ever want to do this? He’s the sweetest and hottest guy ever!”

I sighed. “Some girls are too stupid for seeing that …” I sweated for that statement.

But it had to be.

Feeling flattered as something exceptional, Quinn smiled. “Aw!” She was soon going back to making plans for impressing Mark.

But the other girls were still wondering about the reasons for their secret confessions getting spread like wildfire among the boys at the school.

Was there ever going to be a way to find out about this?

The following days wer going to tell.

1
cf. Zoey 101 : A Dat For Quinn — surname chosen due to some task of the same actress in another movie I don’t own

Chapter 21  Firewired

21.1  When laughter’s lost in peaceful silence

The lounge of Butler Hall, dormitory block of most of the middle school girls, and especially of Zoey, Nicole, Dana, and Quinn, used to be a very lively place during the spare time of us kids.

But duringfor quite somne time, the fun had disappeared.

The girls had just accused each other of being a traitor, allowing for the boys to know about their secrets.

Fortunately, Zoey’s excessively charismatic aura prevented the situation from turning worse.

The tinmes of joy and laughter had not been turning back.

Quite the contrary, Zoey’s enforced truce lead virtually to an evacuation of the lounge.

The place appeared peaceful to the eyes of occasional visitors.

But you couldn’t trust it.

Likewise, Zoey was too intimidated to talk about her past. “If the kids get to know certain things …”

I wondered, “but you are the most popular girl on the campus!”

Zoey sighed. “No longer after my secret …”

I smiled. “But you can tell me your secret.”

Zoey nodded. “Sure! I’m going to write it on a sheet of paper. Then I’ll give it to you.”

I wondered, “Will the paper explode? Or ignite itself?”

Zoey shok her head.

I shrugged. “OK!”

Zoey told me to close my eyes.

I followed her command. A few moments later, I was told to open them again. I looked around.

Zoey was gone.

Only a sheet of paper lay in front of my feet, saying “no way!”.

I gasped.

She had fooled me.

I saw Zoey sneak around some remote corner, grinning triumphantly. I sighed deeply.

Zoey had simply outsmarted me.

I guess I had to respect that.

Nicole was upset due to everyone knowing about her obsession with bunny panties.

Dana was going to kill Nicole in the case of finding her guilty of being the traitor.

Zoey was gone.

But Dustin snuck up to me. He was disappointed due to being permanently patronised by his elder sister. He even regretted to have helped the school going coeducative. Of course, we would have gone totally depressive without his loving and caring elder sister.

That was no good sign at all.

I asked, “hey, do you know about some secret of Zoey she’s so eager on guarding …”

Dustin shook his had.

I shrugged. “Maybe you’ve been too young back then …”

Dustin nodded. “By the way, I’ve been accepted into the mathletic team. I’m going to go to middle school math classes for preparing.”

I congratulated him. “But if you really want to learn, you should go to Wayne Gilbert. He knows more about geometry than any teacher here.”

Dustin grinned. “OK, I’ll do. Thanks for the tip!”

I smiled.

Everything here had dissolved into silence, but this silence was treacherous.

21.2  Sweet nothings

Logan kept on being sick.

This forced me to do all the deliveries for Kazu on my own.

The problems were still the same.

The campus was too large.

And I was too crazy to find my way.

My fellow pupils always laughed at me upon having taken a wrong turn.

Now I was done with my deliveries. With my last efforts, I opened the door to my dorm.

Mark del Figgalo was already in there. But he was not alone.

There was Quinn Pensky. She was still lovesick.

It wasn’t easy to talk to Mark.

And Quinn triesd to impress him with her knowledge about spiders and insects. “Do you know that some spiders devour their own brood?”

Mark’s dead pan did not budge.

I threw up for disgust.

Quinn gruunted, “hi, Chase! Do you have to spoil everything? I was just in the midst of an interesting conversation with my Mark. Isn’t he totally sweet?”

“Oh, yes, he is,” replied I in a hypocritical manner, fearing Quinn’;s consequences.

Quinn kept on swooning. “Aw Mark! Do you already know about my sixth toe on my right foot?” She untoed her right shoelaces. “I’m going to show you!”

Needless to say, I was not ready to admire Quinn’s anatomic anomaly right on sight.

Was that even a word? According to Quinn it was.

I was no good at all with foreign words.

Zoey used to make a lot of fun of that.

Fortunately, Dustin knew about each foreign word ever having ever appeared in a speller bee. That’s why he was now the captain of his speller bee team.

I shook my limbs and tried to fall asleep.

Quinn should not have been here at all.

It was way past curfew.

But our dorm adviser was busy looking for a dog named Elvis.

Michael had found him down by the beach, all lost.

His current location was a more important secret to guard than the girls’ chitchat in their lounge.

Quinn’s ‘sweet nothings’ meant for Mark kept on keeping me from sleeping.

But I couldn’t care any longer an just turned my mind off, trying yo pull an imaginary plug off the socket.

Alas, awaking, on and off, I noticed Mark making cute remarks about Quinn.

Had she actually talked him into dating?

Well, she had apparently never given up smothering him with cute compliments …

21.3  Caught in the act

The next morning, I had woken up seeing Quinn sit on top of Mark’s lap, feeding him with bacon.

Now I was sitting in the lounge, rubbing some sleep off my temples.

Quinn and Mark slouched in, hand in hand,

Mark remarked with a stone-cold face, “you’re something very special, Clint!”

I coughed.

Had they done that all night through?

Wow!

But Mark should have learned Quinn’s name.

Clint … wasn’t that a boy’s name?

I shuddered.

Quinn and Mark decided to go to breakfast. They had been able to spend the whole night together without getting caught in their act.

Zoey stumbled in. She was still avoiding her own lounge. “Hi Chase! Coco is so mean. She had confiscated Elvis.” She appeared angry.

I sighed, “your dog?”

Zoey grinned. “Kind of, sort of. But Dana has got a plan to steal him back from the communal dogs’ ward.”

I whistled innocently. “Let’s hope she doesn’t get caught in that act!”

Zoey sighed. “That would be very bad. Elvis is so cute.”

I shrugged. “Probably … I haven’t seen him.”

My dad had a dog named Chester1.

Addie Singer had a dog named Nancy.

Of course, there was no way making this legal here at PCA.

Zoey sighed. “Have you seen Mark and Quinn, hand in hand?” She was all excited.

I nodded, yawning like a hippopotamus. “It cost me over half of last night’s sleep.”

Zoey chuckled. “Poor Chase! NBut Nicole is waiting for me! See you!”

We waved at each other.

Dustin stumbled in, carefully avoiding an encounter with his elder sister.

I greeted him. “Hi, junior partner! Have you found Wayner Gilbert?”

Dustin replied, “You mean Firewire? Aw, I did …”

I wondered, “you seem very excited about that.”

Dustin nodded lustfully. “He knows a lot. Did you know that rotations in three dimensions are described by orthogonal matrices? Those consist of nine numberes …”

My ears hurt.

I didn’t want to hear about numbers.

Dustin continued, “but I had forgotten a pencil in his room. When I came back to fetch it, he was talking to Logan. He said something about still expecting more payment for manipulating the plush beast.”

I gasped. “The plush beast? Such as the bear in Zoey’s lounge?”

Dustin could not hear the name of his sister.

I choked. “… in Nicole’s, Quinn’s and Dana’s lounge?”

Dustin shrugged. He had not seen it yet.

But the whole trouble with rumours leaking from the girls’ lounge had started the last evening of Logan before turning sick.

There had to be a connection.

And Firewire’s word proved it.

But Logan had not yet been caught in the act.

21.4  Through a child’s eyes

Too bad Quinn was still head over heels in Mark del Figgalo. Thus she was not able to clear up the mystery of the plush bear.

I did not understand zilch avbout electronics and data technology. I could use my computer for my assignments.

But that was already all.

Nicole could not even spell computer. She mistook it for the name of a cute boy.

Dana was already looking for a heavy baseball bat in order to smash Logan’s skull, making it burst into smithereens like a hollow shell.

Dustin had been our hitherto only witness having seen Firewire’s switch plans with his own eyes. But he could not remember it all.

We had to get Firewire to talk and betray Logan.

Dustin had got a plan. “I need Dana with her baseball bet, lots of tomato ketchup, white linen cloths, …”

I didn’t understand Dustin’s plans.

Zoey nodded all the time. Then she hugged Dustin. “I’m so proud of you.”

Dustin gasped, “really?”

Zoey nodded vigorously.

I still didn’t understand the plan.

But Dustin started forgiving Zoey for having been overprotective. “OK … maybe some of those sugar balls are too much …”

Zoey grabbed them off his hands. “Sure are! You need more essential vitamins and minerals in order to grow big and strong, so the girls will fall for you like a child …”

Dustin beamed, squeaking “including Wendy?”

Zoey shrugged. “Maybe? But it may take some time.”

Dustin smiled. “OK, where can I get some vitamins? I want to grow faster!”

Zoey smiled. “In your vegetables, milk, fresh fish and meat … ”

Dustin sighed. But he promised to eat more things different from sugarbombs.

21.5  Dying sun

The next day was rushing to an end.

The sun was about going to dip itself into the mighty Pacific.

I had still been delivering sushi all over. Now I passed in front of Logan’s and Michael’s dorm.

They had ordered several California rolls.

Zoey dared me to wait. With Nicole’s help, she was carefully wrapping Dustin with white linen cloth.

I wondered, “what is this dummy doll doing here?”

Dana urged me to shut up. Then she started beating away at the doll.

Dustin started squealing at the top of his lungs.

Logan asked Michael, “what’s going on out there?”

Michael shrugged. “Not sure, but the girls must have received some anonymous warning. Now they are torturing boys into fessing up.”

Logan shrugged. “No girl will dare to distort my face!”

Dustin whimpered even more.

Dana was now squirting him with red sauce. Then she kept on smashing the doll with her baseball bat.

Threatening sounds filled the whole hall.

Logan lost his patience. “Maybe Firewire has told the girls everything.”

Michael remarked. “Why would he? He hates girls!”

Logan shrugged. “I haven’t yet paid him fully.”

Then I walked in through the door. “Your sushi!”

Dustin stumbled after me. He was now all wrapped into white cloth and squited with red stuff.

Zoey yelled at Dana, “how could you do that to Dustin? He’s just a little boy!”

Dustin kept on whimpering.

Dana looked at Logan. “OK, I’ll just take it out on the next boy, until trhey all fess up …” She swang her bat at Logan’s skull.

Logan squealed, “sorry!”

Dana bellowed, “too late! Fess up or die!”

Nicole steped inbetween. “You can’t beat on cute boys!”

Dana glared.

Logan finally admitted to everything.

We saw it on his computer.

Finally, Zoey unwrapped Dustin.

The little bugger scraped some sauce off his cloth, asking, “are there any vitamins in the sauce?”

Zoey scratched her head. “Some, but less than in fresh tomatoes. Now I wonder what to do with the plush bear …”

I suggested, “take it to the beach. This way, we may watch the dying sun, day after day.”

I chuckled with glee.

1
mentioned in Zoey 101 : Lola Likes Chase

Chapter 22  Project Partner With Zoey

22.1  It’s too late

My favourite classes of the year were those taught by Mr. Bender.

He was always assigning interesting projects.

And it was one of my classes without Mark and Quinn.

The ‘love birds’ could be really annoying.

Too bad those classes were the first period, at 8.15 a.m.

This could be really mean.

Some pupils were were not really awake at that time.

Today, I was missing out on Zoey.

Nicole and Dana were nowhere near, either.

There were strict regulations against being late to classes, barring for those few pupils living off campus and handicapped by go-slows of public transports or other obstacles of that sort.

Unfortunately, Zoey had already been late twice in a term.

A third time was punished with an F.

Of course, it was never Zoey’s fault.

Dana and Nicole, on the other hand …

It was totally not fair for Zoey to be punished with bad marks just because of her roomie’s messy or maniac demeanour.

Mr. Bender had already started talking about publicity. He had invited an old college friend, Jack Savage.

Jack worked for Qualitech, a company selling, among other things, scooters.

And there was a new, improved brand of scooters named Jet-X.

Was that even a word?

Finally, the girls of 101 Butler stumbled in.

Zoey was hanging her head in shame, knowing about the consequences. She hoped for getting some extra point projects in order to be able to make up for it.

Nicole and Dana just accused each other in a vigorous way.

Mr. Bender could not help but punish both of them with detention on top of a bad mark.

This was not going to help in any way reducing the smouldering aggressive potential between the two girls.

Now, Mr. Savage had indeed a project to offer:

We were supposed to produce a little commercial for their new scooter.

Zoey needed to grasp this straw in order to save a good mark.

We were allowed to work in groups, but not too big ones.

Mark Del Figgalo was not in my class, thus dropping out as a potential project partner.

Logan had still not forgiven me.

Michael was was bribed by Logan into keeping his mouth shut.

I supposed the girls to work together on that project.

But this would probably leave me all alone.

Maybe I just had to wait for those left after the first negotiations

22.2  I never thought

It was my first evening without being in charge with deliveries for Kazu.

For that avail, I strolled the girls’ lounge.

It was once more a friendly place without Logan’s agent.

I smiled while walking past Zoey.

She grinned. “Please, Chase, I need your help!”

Of course I could not let her down. “What is it?”

Zoey forced me to sit down. “I need desperately to make up for my bad presence records. Nicole and Dana are so terrible. I can’t work with them on a project …”

I shrugged. Then I saw Dana punch Nicole.

The bimbo wench, in turn, pulled at the tomboy’s curly caramel hair.

I sighed. “You’re so right. That’s not possible.”

Zoey asled, “have you already found someone to work with?”

Fore aforementioned reasons, I had not arrived at doing that. And so I told Zoey.

She smiled enigmatically. “Would you please be my partner for the project?”

I could not believe it.

Had Zoey really asked me that?

I beamed. “I will,” declared I solemnly, swooning to no end. I must have turned a bit absent-minded.

Zoey tapped my shoulders lightly. “Earth to Chase! Earth to Chase! Are you OK?” She smiled.

I was still in a daze.

That was so totally unexpected. And it was like having asked me to marry her.

Or was my fantasy now going to rush off in a reckless manner?

Zoey explained, “OK, you are in the drama club, as a playwright, right?”

I nodded. I had already told Zoey about my career dreams, involving the Broadway and such.

Zoey continued, “so you are clearly the best in charge with the script. I will design the outfit. I’ve already got a few ideas …”

I cheered. “That’s cool!”

It was still hard to believe for me.

I punched myself, trying to wake me up this way.

But it didn’t work out.

I tried to distract myself. “According to Mr. Savage, the winning team gets a Jet-X each, unless there are more than three kids in a team. Then it’s limited to three scooters.” I scratched my head.

Zoey nodded. “Those are the rules.”

I asked, “what colour will you choose for your machine?”

Zoey shrugged. “I like pink most. But I also want to ornate it a bit. Alas, according to dad, it’s bad luck thinking about this before winning the prize.”

I scratched by bush. “You’re probably right.”

Zoey countered, “have you chosen a colour?”

I sighed. “I don’t even want a scooter.”

Zoey gasped. “Why is it so?”

I moaned, “I can hardly ride my bike safely, you know, and stuff …”

My mind replayed the records of the crash against the flag staff.

Zoey giggled. “OK, I may take you along with mine … sometimes, if you aske nicely.”

I looked at her with puppy eyes.

She chuckled and ruffled playfully my bushy hair.

22.3  Silent watcher

I met Michael in the big break.

He was going to participate in a team with Logan and some random third guy.

Logan did not want to let any of the girls win.

According to him, girls should not be allowed to ride scooters. They are just needed in order to be impressed by the boys’ mad riding skills.

This was also going to be the core of his commercial.

I wondered, “what will be your task during the whole shootings?”

Michael replied, “none!”

I gasped. “What? Logan is going to do all on his own?”

Michael shook his head. “His sugardad leaves him a whole production team.”

I gasped for excruciating consternation.

Michael explained, “may you believe it? His cam costs half a million.”

I dubled over and puked.

We had to do with a cheap cam.

And Logan was equipped with full Hollywood staff and material.

But this was not yet the top of the iceberg.

Michael added, “you won’t guess it … who is going to star in his ad?”

I shook my head. “Logan himself?”

Michael chuckled. “Too cheap … he has hired no other than Jeff Garrett.”

Jeff had already starred in a dozen of movies produced by Malcolm Reese and put up for Oscars.

Needless to say, I could not hire anyone for Zoey’s and my commercial.

Michael had to leave me alone. “Logan needs me in order to watch out for a delivery van with material from Reese Studios, worth 5 millions.”

We waved at each other.

Zoey stumbled in with a sketch book.

I looked at it.

There were a few sketches showing the outfit she had in mind for the commercials.

Zoey was an excessively gifted fashion designer.

Alas, the girls wearing the wonderful clothes appeared to be very curvy.

I asked timidly, “sorry, most girls of our age don’t have those huge …” I did not dare to pronounce any such dirty word in the presence of a lady as pure as Zoey Brooks.

“I don’t understand. What is this supposed to mean?” asked Zoey.

I stammered and stuttered nonsense. “Nothing!” I sweated billowing blood and was willing to slap myself over and over for having started that phrase.

Zoey shrugged. “Whatever, I hope you to be inspired by those outfits.”

I nodded timidly.

22.4  Resisting temptation

The next morning, I met Zoey in the big break.

She was going to ask me about my progresses in making a script for the commercial. She had hoped her pictures, as aforementioned, to be inspiring.

Yet inspiring they were. But they were so in a very dubious manner.

Logan’s commercial was going to involve a makeout scene of Jeff Garrett and a hot busty blonde equally hired by Logan Reese.

I was up to achieving the same thing with much lower budget.

Our clip had to be better than Logan’s.

It was a match to the death.

And I must have naïvely assumed the only way to achieve something like that being that of doing the same as Logan, just better.

Not being able to hire actors or actress for that ‘forced’ me to use Zoey and myself for the makeout scene.

That was a very diabolic plot, indeed.

In addition, I had to imagine Zoey and myself a few years aolder, on a field trip on their scooter, and doing on and off things that , erm, boyfriends do with their girlfriends.

But, considering Zoey’s purity, those thoughts had been excruciatingly foul and disgusting.

They were only worthy of an abominable jerk such as Logan Reese.

I sighed bitterly.

Our first common project was so doomed to embarrassing failure.

I was horribly ashamed.

Zoey had something other to talk about. “You don’t know how to use a cam, do you?”

I had to disappoint her again. I was such a miserable friend. I shook my head.

Zoey nodded. “Thought so. I’m not great, either. Probably only Quinn is.”

The geek girl was still in her honeymoon phase with Mark.

I sighed deeply.

Zoey speculated, “younger kids are porobably more suited to learning these things. So I thought of him as our cam guy.”

Dustin walked in, smiling. “Hi Xhase!”

I waved at Zoey’s little brother. “Hi!”

Alas, he was still fumbling clumsily with the device.

I sighed. But, upon seeing Zoey and Dustin side by side, I had got an idea for the commercial. “Hey, the spot addresses teenagers. But their parents should watch it too. I mean, they are usually the ones to pay for their kids’ scooters.”

Zoey nodded. “I guess so. Why?”

I explained, “parents like the idea of their teenage kids doing stuff together withtheir younger siblings. You should ride the scooter, with Dustin safely behind you, on a family excursion to the beach.”

Zoey beamed. “hey, that’s an idea?”

Dustin cheered. “I’ll be seen in TV?”

Zoey nodded. “If we make the winning commercial clip, sure.”

He bounced around merrily.

Zoey smiled.

I sighed for that soul-soothing relief upon having withstood a horrible temptation.

22.5  Path of a child

The day of truth was now here.

Logan Reese’s project had been by any means the most professional.

But, nevertheless, it was not chosen by Jake Savage.

The big master of advertising explained, “it is a commercial for teenagers, to be shown on family TV. It is not a sitcom for adults. And only one of the commercials submitted by you has been taking this into account. If I had kids, but I don’t even have a wife …”

Nicole beamed with glee . “I am still available!” She had also been swooning to death for Jeff Garrett.

Of course, Savage was much too old for her.

Jake completed, “the only commercial able to convince me to buy a scooter for my kids is that of …” He had forgotten our names.

Mr. Bender nodded. “Chase Matthews and Zoey Brooks!”

Jake grinned. “Yeah, baby! That’s advertising for families. Especially the little boy was so convincing. And his puppy eyes …”

Logan Reese growled for excruciating agony and disappointment.

All of his ‘efforts’ were now for exactly naught.

With this straight A, Zoey’s former bad mark was now almost forgotten.

And Dustin had been our hero, he was totally proud on going to be shown on TV along with his favourite elder sister.

Dana and Nicole had been assigned random partners, and made it so-so.

Dana was together with a guest pupil, an extremely gifted actress, trying out for the school.

This had saved Dana.

The guest was one Lola Martinez and was going to effect a great influence on our lives later on, upon enrolling here.

And I learned to refrain from abusing a script for personal wishful thinking.

Alas, this was going to be a problem for impending performance of my play about the alien girl …

Chapter 23  Another Thanksgiving

23.1  Unheeded warning

I had been exiled into Mark Del Figgalo’s dorm for having dared to go against Logan Reese, undisputed ringleader of the middle school boys.

This should have served me as a warning.

But most of the boys kept on ignoring me.

Thus I decided to refuse to listen to his stupid commands.

For example, there was a tradition at the Pacific Coast Academy called Prank Week, usually between Halloween and Thanksgiving.

These were days new students used to suffer pranks from the established ones.

This year, they wanted to target in particular the girls’ dorms.

It was the first year of girls being allowed to Pacific Coast Acadcemy.

Thus all girls on here were newcomers.

But I was hell bent on spoiling Logan’s plans and told Zoey about them.

Zoey gasped. “Really? What are they going to do?”

I shrugged. “Logan won’t tell me much. But they will probably do something ugly and disgusting to your hall over night.”

Nicole gasped. “Why would cute boys do something like that?”

I grunted, “because Logan is a sadomasochist pervert, and all the other are his mindless puppets.”

Dana refused to heed my warnings.

Zoey nodded wholeheartedly.

Mark was of the same opinion, but without talking about it. He had suffered a lot from Courtney Simmons’s fits of blazing jealousy.

And Quinn was not much less unforgiving. She grunted, “I will remove Logan’s, Brad’s, and Michael’s kidneys surgically and sell them over the interweb.”

Zoey grabbed Quinn. “Hey! That’s illegal!”

Quinn sighed deeply. But she had got a better idea. “I will build an accoustic bomb making Logan, Michael, and the other perverse bastard boobs drop unconscious!” She walked back to her laboratory and started inventing and testing.

Of course the boys were even going to be more mad about my treason and expel me from many other activities.

But this was worth the troubles.

Whatever, Quinn’s mini-bomb was actually able to knock out Logan and his gang during the whole night, taking away their opportunity of mutilating and corrupting the girls’ dormitory halls.

Regardless of the warnings of the school admin, Quinn had not fessed up for her semi-violent attempt.

23.2  Breath of the devil

Two days after Quinn’s thoroughly successful preventive onslaught upon Logan Reese, Mr. Bradford was coming for a visit.

That demon was apparently still awake and breathing.

It had been a piece of tough work to get him to approve of the coeducative status of our school, using the alumni and his wife.

There was no school dutring his visit.

But we were forced to listen to the creep for several hours straight, gathered near the statue of his deceased father.

It was a barren brass cast.

Some good artists should have adorned it long ago.

Maybe Zoey was up to it?

Whatever …

And old Mr. Bradford had barely forgiven those boys who had started the whole turmoil concerning coeducativity.

He started talking about having been forced shamelessly to admit girls to the school, backstabbed by his own family.

But coeducativity was still in the phase of approbation.

He made it extremely clear, beyond a trace of a doubt, to be able and willing to restore the former state of the school upon a trace of a reason. “So, what was the reason for last night’s detonation in one of the boys’ dorms?”

We kids looked aghast.

Certainly, knowing about the planned prank stuff and the preventive onslaught by Quinn would have got not only Quinn Pensky, but all of the girls expelled.

Not even Logan wanted that. He was increasingly up to hitting on Zoey and some of her friends.

This had already become evident during the previous week.

For that avail, even he and his henchmen kept their mouth shut like a coffin box in a mausoleum.

Alas, Neither him nor Dean Rivers were content.

Our headmaster had been urging us to fess up.

But this was for no significant avail.

Bradford forced Rivers to keep on searching for the culprits and punish them without a trace of mercy. Then he withdrew himself again, leaving us with no good feeling at all.

Quinn sighed desperately , “Maybe I should fess up and let him expel me, saving the others.”

I shook my head. “It was exclusively Logan’s fault. The creep just wants to keep the girls here as targets for his exorbitant horniness.”

Quinn sighed deeply. “Too true.”

Dean Rivers had already ordered a severe raid of our dormitories, looking for any hints concerning the aforementioned onslaught.

Fortunately, Quinn had already started mugrating more and more of her scientific equipments into various secret laboratories somewhere underground. She had deviced various strategies for hiding her potentially dangerous activities from the eyes of campus security.

Hiding it from naïve dorm overseer Coco Wexler had not been much of a problem.

But now things were likely to turn rough.

23.3  Beneath the smiles

Thanksgiving break was there, once again.

The situation of my family was still not very inviting.

Thus I preferred to stay here on the campus.

Unfortunately, Zoey, and also Dustin, were going to visit their parents.

That was good for them and made me smile.

But, underneath, I was sad about not being granted a few free days with Zoey.

We might have used them for promising unto each other for good, and similar stuff.

Alas, Zoey allowed me to use her scooter over the break.

This made me smile again.

Granted, I was still not really able to drive in a safe manner, not even on my bike.

But Zoey trusted me for a few days.

The campus was going to be rather empty, making riding slightly less dangerous.

So I could use it for my sushi deliveries.

Logan had been fired long since.

But Kazu was still way too miserish to employ another delivery boy.

Stabding in the foyer of the airport, I tried to stay by Zoey’s side as long as possible.

Dustin had already run up to barriers of no return. He was deadly sad due to having been rejected once more ny Wendy.

But then I noticed Benjamin and Adeliah Singer approaching. I gasped.

Well, they had not come just for visiting me.

Addie wanted to see her friend Wendy.

The quirky tweenie lass was already waving over at them.

Ben shook hands with us.

Zoey had to go now. She could not leave Dustin alone.

Dern overprotectivity …

Ben’s heart stood still. “What a hot pod!”

I gasped while smiling one last time at Zoey.

Ben chuckled. “Is that your new girlfriend?”

I fainted. “I wish so …” stammered I secretly.

Ben sighed. “OK, don’t let her escape! She reminds me a lot of Jen, my on-and-off crush from home.”

I shrugged. “Good for you!”

Ben grinned. “but there are sure many other hot hookers at your school, now that it’s all coeducative.”

I nodded reluctantly.

But now we had to walk back to the bus to Malibu Beach.

23.4  Lamentation

Addie wanted to talk to me as well. “So, you’ve got that blond girlfriend?”

I sighed. “I’m so close …” I started telling her about my adventures with Zoey. ’quotWhat about you? Any progress with Jake?

Addie lamented, “I was so close to having and holding Jake Behari, too …”

I gasped, “what happened?”

Addie sobbed bitterly. “I messed it up, and now Patricia Perez has claimed him.1”

I coughed. “That three-pronked devil’s pitch fork?”

Addie nodded solemnly.

I didn’t know how to comfort her. “So sorry for asking …”

Addie sighed. “You don’t have to be sorry. Maybe it helps talking yo you.”

I hoped so.

Addie continued talking, “after that, I’ve made it worse by trying to get Eli to kiss me.2, just to be on the cool list.”

I shuddered. I had wished her to make it to that list by kissing Jake.

Honestly, Eli Pataki was an OK guy, the favourite of her principal, Mrs. Brandywine. But he would have been very boring a boyfriend for Addie on the long run.

Addie told me about being invited to the Micvah party of her pal Randolph Klein.

“Is he single,” wondered I.

Addie looked puzzled. “Maybe … nice thought, but I’m not sure to be over Jake.”

I nodded. “This will take some time.”

She sighed.

We were now in the lounge of the elementary school girls.

Addie was still sobbing a bit.

Wendy wanted to show her more.

I wondered, “so, what do you think about the Pacific Coast Academy?”

Addie scratched her head. “I start to like it … I mean, the girls’ rooms are wonderful. Bright pink …”

I nodded.

Addie judged, “I really have to think about it. Maybe Ben goes to a college in California? This will make it easier for me. I mean … he annoys me, but being far away from home will be easier with Ben nearby.”

I nodded solemnly, mentioning Dustin.

Wendry coughed. “Is he still after me?”

I sighed deeply. “He has a crush on you. This happens to boys from time to time …”

Wendy bellowed, “he’s a cool and very likable guy, but I don’t want him. I only want Drake!”

Addie explained, “Wendy is totally into Drake Parker, the brother of our friend Megan.”

Swooning Wendy nodded with grimmest determination. She was totally stalking her idol.

I shrugged. “Poor Dustin!”

Addie remarked, “Drake is five years older than her. He won’t really like her.”

Wendy pushed Addie.

I sighed deeply.

How could Wendy keep on turning down a lovable tweenie boy like Dustin for a much too old Drake Parker?

Now I was going to be forced to listen to Dustin’s silent sufferings forever.

We saw Ben trying to flirt with a few girls on the campus, but saw him turned down badly.

Tracy Baldwin had even dared to push him into the shrubbery.

This scene cheered us up.

But they had to continue to San Diego in order to take Wendy home and visit their relatives down there.

23.5  Vehement grace

Thanksgiving night was over. It was as boring as the year before.

But Friday noon, another surprise expected me.

Wendy and Addie were around.

Wendy’s roomies were only coming back on Sunday.

This allowed Addie to spend one night at Pacific Coast Academy in order to test this school.

Dean Rivers was very eager on renting away vacant dorms during vacations.

Alas, Wendy was apparently not in a good mood.

I looked at Addie, wondering why.

My step-cousin explained, “Drake … he has turned her down.”

Wendy sobbed.

Addie sighed. “But he has also sung a little song for her,
poemtitleDown We Fall3.”

Wendy was still a bit apathetical.

After regretting his brash manners, he had tried tooffer her something like loving her in the ways of a big brother.

This was not easy for Wendy.

Suddenly, the angel and the devil on my shoulders were catfighting again.

I wanted so hard to talk Wendy into giving Dustin a chance.

That was, of course, a risky enterprise.

Zoey was probably deeming Dustin too young to date a girl. She feared him getting heart broken at an early stage.

On the other hand, it was an experience Dustin would not have wanted to miss out on, even in the case of a failure.

I was remaining in such a mental conflict for quite some time.

Alas, after having surprisingly stuck up for Zoey’s sake, she owed me to give it a try.

Finally, I dared to ask Wendy.

She was flabbergasted.

Addie nodded appreciatively.

Wendy finally gave in. “OK, Dustin, you’re now mine! Don’t even think about running away from me!”

I chuckled, along with Addie.

My step-cousin was going to be very impressed by her sleepover at Wendy’s dormitory and sure trying hard to get her mom to send her to this school in one or two years from then.

1
cf. Unfabulous : The 66th Day
2
cf. Unfabulous : The List Of Kissed
3
song by Drake Bell which I don’t own

Chapter 24  Dramatic

24.1  Seductive danger

Addie’s bad failure with Jake Behari had started becoming a last warning for me.

I could not get Zoey to love me with a brute force method.

Trying to use the play in order to get her to kiss me was really, really low.

Likewise, Logan Reese was always hovering above us like a filthy vulture of the vilest sort. He was still the same guy like the one having pushed Zoey into the dirt during the opening basketball match, in the worst deprecable manner. He had made very caustic and perverted fun of Zoey’s secrets told in the girls’ lounge.

This was comparable to Patricia Perez, a disgustingly seductive vixen.

She had shamelessly claimed Jake her property.

Now Addie and Dustin were back from their Thanksgiving break.

Dustin talked a lot about it.

Zoey just chuckled.

Too bad, Logan Reese was back, too. He didn’t talk to us.

Alas, his way of grinning said a lot.

There were no doubt left about his intentions being as corrupt and perverse as those of Patricia Perez.

I walked up to Dustin. “I’ve talke to Wendy. Maybe there’s a chance left for the two of you …” I smiled.

Dustin beamed like crazy. “Aw, really?” He leapt forward and threw his brittle arms around me. “Thanks, you’re the greatest!”

I giggled.

Dustin ran away to the lounge of the girls of elementary school in order look for Wendy.

Zoey was not totally keen on that.

I sighed. “Dustin needs to make his own experiences. He can’t live off yours forever.”

Zoey glared. “What’s that supposed to mean? She might seduce him and turn him into a dad at the age of ten years!”

My eyes bugged out.

Was that even possible?

“But not just from holding hands and going to cinema together?” I scratched my bushy hair.

Zoey sighed deeply. “Dustin is still a little baby.”

I sighed.

Zoey probably just didn’t want him to grow up.

It took me some minutes to talk about the events of the thanksgiving week.

Zoey cackled all the time. She finally agreed into allowing for Dustin’s and Wendy’s relationship.

Why, pray tell, was it possible for me to talk freely to Zoey about Dustin’s feelings for Wendy, but not about my own for her?

24.2  Toxic tease

Now it was almost time for auditioning for Zorka, my play about the cute alien girl from Zorkesia, stranded here on planet earth and saved by some strong-armed bay guard.

Mr. Fletcher had gathered all of the interested pupils.

Zoey was actually trying out as Zorka.

Originally, this would have pleased me to no end.

But this time I was not really at ease.

Logan might be the one to get chosen as the male star.

And then Zoey and Logan were going to kiss, on the stage, right in fronto of my eyes.

Mr. Fletcher introduced my work to the pupils.

Logan remarked, “the play is lame. But girls love hot actors, I’m hot, so I will make it as the main star and kiss the female co-star!” He beamed with excessively satanic glee, taunting me to the death.

Mr. Fletcher fixed the auditioning dates.

I regretted already havibg written that kissing scene.

Logan was so shamelessly going to abuse it.

I thought about scratching the scene,

But maybe Mr. Fletcher was not going to allow for that intervention. He believed in the first intuition of an artist.

Was there another way for stopping Zoey and Logan to become the main actors.

I had to get some girl to act better than Zoey, or maybe some boy acting better than Logan.

Neither of these were impossible tasks, giving Zoey’s and Logan’s lack of professionality.

I thought strongly about contacting aforementioned Lola Martinez.

She would have been a perfect Zorka.

Of course she was not a student at this school.

But for future pupils, there might have been some exceptions.

On the other hand, this almost felt like backstabbing Zoey.

She was not looking forward to becoming a great actress.

But being second to someone else could have broken her pride into incredibly small smithereens.

Zoey was a very proud person. In addition, she might have been jealous of another female star, such as Lola, associating her with me.

So, trumping Logan would have been more fun.

There were many gifted actors.

But could I trust any of them?

They were most likely shameless girl eaters, such as Orlando Bloom.

I was thusly going to risk losing Zoey to one of them. I scratched my head.

It was not much less critical than Ulusses’ choice between Skylla and Charybdis, as described by immortal poet Homer.

Fletcher had hitcherto assumed me to try out for the male star.

But I told him to refrain from doing so. “My voice is in a poor disposition. Plus, I might be biased.”

Fletcher appeared to guess my mind. He shrugged.

24.3  Flash of lightning

I walked to Dustin’s dormitory room.

He was not in a good shape. He started coughing all over. “Is your silly theatre meeting finally over?”

I gasped. “Silly?”

Dustin nodded. “I have been looking for Zoey for two hours.” He sneezed aloud.

The released contents of his nose just missed me narrowly.

I shuddered for dismay and disgust.

Dusting complained, “Quinn has already tried to treat me with electo shocks and a vacuum-driven tongue cleaner.”

I gasped. “Did that help any?”

Dustin shook his head.

I sighed. “Is Wendy a good actress?”

Dustin sighed. “I don’t really think so. She’s more into making music than acting. She wants to recompensate Drake by composing songs for him to sing.”

I grinned. “Wow! That’s very interesting!”

But it did not help any further.

An elementary school kid would not have made Zoey jealous.

Or that was my plan.

I sighed.

Dustin beamed, “but I do know an actress in my classes, a professional one indeed.”

I choked. “Wow, who is it?”

Dustin replied with a dead pan, “Ashley Blake1.”

I twitched and gasped for exorbitant surprise, feeling like hit by a bolt of lightening. “That Ashley?” I listed a few movies of her.

Those were out of my league, basically short movies for kids without interesting text.

Ashley was more an actress convincing almost exclusively with her postures and her gestures rather than with her words.

Alas, she was very arrogant.

Zoey stumbled in. “Dustin?”

He sobbed. “Hi Zoey.”

Zoey moaned, “You’ve been looking for me? Dana told me. I could break each bone in her filthy body for having sent you away instead of taking you to me or calling me home.”

I gasped. “That was rwally mean.”

Dustin nodded. “And Quinn has tortured me with flashes.”

Zoey grunted, “this cries for a serious word unto Quinn.”

Dustin sighed.

Zoey took her little brother into her arms and sang a little lullaby learned from their grandparents.

Dustin relaxed and fell asleep.

Zoey sweated. “I’m going to make him some herbal tea, but no sassafras.”

I shrugged.

Then she picked some salve. “Please, remove the shirt from his back and let me balm it.”

I nodded. “But of course! Alas, don’t you risk getting sick from Dustin’s bacteria and miss out on the play?”

Zoey glared. “Hey! I’m his only relative here to care for him. Besides, I’ve just wanted to try out because you wrote it. I’m really not into playing an alien girl.”

I sighed with relief. But I refused to show it. At least I try to hide it. “Oh, thanks!” I smiled strangely.

Dustin was soon going to get well again, due to his elder sister’s loving care.

24.4  Parched ego

Ashley Blake had been clearly the most convincing of all the girls trying out.

This had been little surprising.

But she had been the hardest to work with.

Thus everything had its downsides.

Yet the troubles of trying to get along with Ashley Blake were clearly worth it.

Logan’s ego was scorched and fried to shrivels like a tomato in the red hot desert sun.

Logan coughed and moaned all the time. “Can’t we at least skip the kissing scene?”

Mr. Fletcher showed no mercy.

Logan sweated like nobody’s business. But he was somehow able to keep his cool during most of the performance.

Alas, I came somewhat to Logan’s rescue. “Mr. Fletcher, I object. Miss Blake is only nine years old. You can’t let a teenager kiss her.”

He was puzzled. “I can’t do what?”

Chase contunues, “especially not in his presence!”

I pointed towards approaching Vince Blake.

The guy was working out with heavy brass weights. He was the sub quarterback of out football team. And he was Ashley’s elder brother.

Fletcher started trembling.

His teeth began to clang and to rattle like a snake’s tail.

Fletcher changed his opinion. “OK, kissing scene is skipped. The life guard will just high-five with the Zorkesian beauty.”

Vince nodded with glee.

Logan sighed somewhat with relief.

But he was still upset because of someone other than Zoey being his partner for the play. He was hardly going to forgive me that action.

I had no clue concerning his future plans.

But they could not be any good.

Michael was still sort of my friend.

But our intimacy had cooled down severely after my expulsion from their dormitory room.

He woukld have been considered uncool by almost every other boy upon being spotted hanging out too much with me.

I could not hold Michael’s fears of that against him.

The play was finally over.

Even without the kiss, the pupils deemed the play great.

It wasn’t anywhere near Finally Falling, but it was the first play at our school with girls played by girls.

Beginning with next years, the pupils were going to be more critical.

Ashley stepped up to me. “Write me a short movie!”

I gasped.

Ashley repeated her request. “It has to be based on my best qualities and virtues.”

I was consternated.

Alas, Vince stood right behind her. He was not going to accept a “No”.

I sighed with despair.

Ashley insisted, “hurry up!”

I started sweating.

My abilities as a playwright must have impressed Ashley beyond any fathomable measure.

Was I going to live up to these expectations?

24.5  Listless winter

Christmas break was in front of us.

I was still left without any chance of telling Zoey about my feelings.

Logan didn’t leave a smithereen of a doubt of his attention of hitting on Zoey least expectable the moment.

I had been pondering about whether to return to ‘my home’ at all.

Last Christmas had been horrible.

I still had no lust for leaving into the cold world of Pennsylvania.

Only my grandma had been able to dissuade me from staying alone on the campus.

Alas, there was an important message from Addie. Singer.

I had to talk to Zoey and Nicole about it. “I’ve found a better home for Elvis!”

The poor little dog had been circulating from dorm to dorm, hiding here and there all the time.

According to Addie, their neighbours had been thinking aloud about getting a dog for guarding their home.

In additions, Nancy, the family fog of Addie and Ben, was eager on making a canine friend to hang out with. She was so addicted to Ben, becoming jealous of his potential girlfriends.

Zoey and Nicole deemed this a very good idea.

They just needed to find a way to sneak the puppy to New York City.

Likewise, my mind was occupied by Ashley Blake’s requests.

This was a great chance.

A perfect personality show for Ashley Blake had got the potential of boosting my career like a turbo jet engine.

But in the casae of failure, Vince was not unlikely to grind my bones to powdered fertiliser.

Zoey promised to back me upby designing some clothes for Ashley’s personality show, hoping them to inspire me.

Unfortunately, this had not exactly worked out as planned while making the commercial for the scooter.

But it was a last straw.

I just had to drag myself somehow through the winter.

Next spring, things were going to be much better, right?

1
from Drake & Josh : Little Diva

Chapter 25  Highway To Nowhere

25.1  An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth

The vengeful tension between Logan Reese and myself went on and on.

Winter was now coming to an end.

As already said, malibu’s winter days are not as cruel as those in my homelands.

But we were looking forwarsd to spring, anyways.

For many years, spring parties had been totally lame, though.

During the last two years, the hotness of rock idols kept us from hiring a decent band.

Logan feared the competition and refused to finance their visit to Pacific Coast Academy.

But this year, the girls here had to say a word about it.

And Zoey was the first to suggest Drake Parker and his band.

The young idol from San Diego had been skyrocketing almost over night upon subbing for injured star Malone.1 He was now also using an artist’s name: Bell.

The girls here were like mad after him.

Unfortunately, he had now got a manager of the worst and uttermost perverted sort.

That creep required five thousand bucks for a concert.

Without Logan’s help, and even against his explicit objection, such an amount was not too easy to scratch together.

And there was no way to hire Drake bypassing the manager, was there?

I knew Drake somewhat.

But business was business.

Of course Drake, an unsatiable girl eater, was not unlikely to hit on Zoey, in one or the other manner, basically, just as Logan did,

This gave me the creeps.

So I had to fight fire with fire.

This could work out in a brilliant manner. On the other hand, it could have failed miserably.

Nicole swooned for Drake like nobody’s business. “He’s so-o-o-o cute!”

Dana stomped on Nicole’s feet.

The bimbo wench’s talk about Drake had always been a pain in the tail beyond any hope.

Zoey thought about a few activities for raising funds.

Her list included washing the teachers’ cars, bashing melons, selling Drake shirts,

Zoey should have become a professional fashion designer. But she was afraid of that step.

Her ‘official’ dream, supported by her parents, was that of making it to Harvard Law School.

I shuddered with disgust.

But it was sooner or later a decision for Zoey to make.

Unfortunately, fund raising was always tied to hard work.

Recently, pupils from James K. Polk’s, had made very bad experiences.

And I hated car wash.

Melon bashing was the most attractive for boys.

But melons costed money, too.

And it was a waste of delicious food.

I could hardly make my mind up about Zoey’s suggestions.

But the alternative was that of succumbing to Logan and his claims of being the hottest guy of California.

And I could not allow for that.

He had been able to alienate Michael from me more and more.

There had to be a parachute.

And I had to work against so many …

25.2  Sleepy death

Dustin had agreed on being Quinn’s test rabbit for a dangerous experiment.

She forced him to stay awake for several days straight and test his reactions.

Needless to say, Zoey was not keen on that. But she was too busy organising the fundraising event.

This was so not typical for Zoey.

So I had to do something about it.

Quinn wouldn’t have listened to me,

But maybe the best way was to try and contact Drake directly.

Again, an angel and a devil were sitting on my shoulders and started arguing wildly.

Zoey was not very keen on other pupils trying to be better organisers than herself.

Contacting Drake’s family would have been perilious.

Dustin was still mad at Drake’s sister Megan.

But seeing Michael backing away from his initial offer of helping Zoey, certainly upon Logan’s impact, and seeing Dustin suffer from withdrawal of sleep changed my mind.

I grabbed my cellular phone and called Drake in person.

In addition, Wendy was here to back me up. She was not keen on seeing Dustin suffer, either.

Unfortunately, Drake was not at home.

His sister Megan was there to answer the call. She was very tricky and cunning, though. But she was also one of Wendy’s friends.

I decided to let Dustin’s date take over.

Wendy grabbed the gphone. “Hi, Megan, our spring party is going to be very lame without someone like … Drake!”

Megan appeared to grin satanically. “Oh, Wendy … OK, I’ll prank him into showing up and play for no cost, just leave it all to me!2”

But was there a hitch? There had to be!

Megan Parker would not have been Megan Parker without exactly that. Oh my gosh, was she even going to show up on the campus?

Dustin was impossibly going to forgive us that!

25.3  Dancing with the devil

Zoey had been totally surprised.

Drake had actually offered to show up and play for no fe, albeit without a band.

She grabbed me. “Have you been behind that?”

I stammered, “I know someone …”

Zoey shook her head. But at least she was now able to save her little favourite brother from staying sleepless to the death.

Alas, Quinn was now in an extremely stinky mood.

The stupid fundraising actions were now pointless, too.

Zoey sibbed. “But I’ve put so many efforts in drawing new Drake shirts.”

I sighed. “Maybe Drake will want to see them, anyways.”

Zoey smiled. She started distributing them for no cost.

And there he was: The one and only Jared Drake Parker, teenage rock idol par excellence.

Nicole was starting hitting on him without a trace of hesitation.

Zoey had to keep her back.

But what was Drake doing to Zoey?

I couldn’t trust him there. Hence I was compelled to spy around.

Drake started performing his favourite song, Highway To Nowhere3.

Zoey wasn’t far from him. She beamed and clapped rhythmically.

My jealousy grew stronger and stronger.

But I was distracted.

Wendy and Dustin walked up to me.

I twitchd.

Wendy grinned. “OK, may I introduce … my friend Megan!”

Megan parker smirked. “Hi Dustin! Hi Chase!”

Dustin was totally consternated. He had known about Megan and Wendy being frieds.

But this went too far for his taste.

Megan grinned. “OK, Dustin, I’m sorry for the thing at that speller bee. To make up for it … this is a DVD of my best pranks on Drake and Josh, or, as I say, Boob abd Boob. Much of it is not yet on my web site. Dern volume limits …”

Dustin choked. Then he beamed proudly, ready to watche the video after the concert.

Wendy nodded.

Alas, Wendy was not Megan’s only friend at Pacific Coast Academy.

Megan smiled upon spotting another one approaching.

Ashley Blake stepped up to us.

Megan smirked viciously. “OK, Chase, dance with Ashley!”

I was consternated.

Why would I want to dance with a girl of nine years, and a lunatic diva on top of that?

I sighed.

That was probably the price for getting Megan’s help.

I was close to guiding Ashley by the wrists.

Ashley protested, “I’m a celebrity! Don’t touch me!”

I gasped. I was not a great twist dancer.

But it had to be.

Alas, was Zoey now going to be jealous of a nine or ten year old girl?

I was a bit clumsy, but it worked somewhat.

Ashley smiled sadistically.

I sweated like a monkey.

Megan nodded solemnly. Then she gave me some contract to sign. “I’m Ashley’s manager, and this will contract you as Ashley’s personal palywright for the next five years! Or else …” She chuckled.

My heart stood still.

Working with Ashley Blake, evil incarnate according to Drake’s statements, for five years was worse than a dozen of years in hell.

But I was apparently left without a chance. I had to sign the contract.

The party went on and on.

I had lost Zoey out of sight.

Had she devoured Drake all the time with hungry eyes?

Not knowing this was going to kill me slowly.

Michael had originally wanted to become a composer for Drake.

But Logan had apparently not approved of that.

Was Michael going to try to do this secretly?

Talking about composers …

Wendy declared her wish to become a great music prosicer for Drake. She gave Megan a DVD with her first attempts. “Drake should give it a chance!”

Megan moaned. “If you think so …”

I regretted having asked Megan for help with the concert.

It couldn’t become much worse.

25.4  Lights out

Before the spring party, everything had appeared so bright for me.

I had never ever been closer to Zoey.

But now the lights were all of a sudden turning into lugubrious shades.

Why, oh why, was this possuble?

I met Zoey again in the lounge.

She greeted me kindly,a s usual.

I had to force myself into greeting back.

But Zoey didn’t yet notice anything being wrong. “Aren’t you honoured by your task of writingb for a little diva?”

I muttered hypocritically, “certainly. Who wouldn’t be flattered by this task?”

Zoey’s cellular phone rang out.

Zoey picked it up. “Hi Megan! It’s me, Zoey Brooks,…”

What was the cunning vixen from San Diego up to?

Megan growled, “OK, you’ve got the job. Drake shirts are the great runner. You may now design them regularly. I just take 50 per cent.”

I gasped.

Was that really fair?

Megan Parker was going to be a very tough business kid. She had already demonstrated her abilities by selling barbecue sets for a triple price to people never needing them.4 She could probably sell gas masks to mooses. “Many greetings from Drake. He’s looking forward to seeing you again.”

Zoey smiled with glee. “That’s great! I’m looking forward to it, as well.”

I doubled over and puked.

My stomach was bursting for jealousy.

Zoey wondered, “Chase, I told you not to eat too much cheese sauce. You need more vitamins.” She ruffled my hair. Then she decided to look for the janitor’s closet.

Dustin must have felt similarly, at least from time to time.

Was I nothing but another little brother for Zoey?

That was so terrible.

Zoey returned and wiped my vomit. She muttered something to Megan about certain details to be discussed with Drake in person.

I thanked her. Fortunately, I had lost my whole lunch in one swipe.

Otherwise my stomach would have needed yert another discharge, right now, on Zoey’s feet.

Finally, my worldf turned completely black.

25.5  What can you see?

My consciousness was lost for a whole day.

Of course, I did not take the time while unconscious.

Quinn told me upon waking up. She had tried to do everything to annihilate my comatose state.

I was submitted to electroshocks and other treatments.

Those were basically the same as applied on Dustin upon his last flu.

Quinn recordered my vital activities with strange instruments.

I did not want to know any detail.

Mark was Quinn’s assistant. He did not know why. But he was forced to obey to her instructions, and he did so wothout saying a trace of a word.

Quinn held a few fingers aloft. “What do you see?”

I shrugged. “Zoey’s finger nails are more nicely lacquered.”

Quinn recorded acribically, “object is constantly talking about Zoey.” She even coined a term for it, Obsessive Zoey Disorder, briefly an ‘OZD’.

I was flabbergasted.

Mark just shrugged.

I asked Mark and Quinn to get a closed envelope from my room, viz. the one containing the words written by Kreuftlva, my destiny for this year.

Quinn sent Mark away to rummage through my belongings. She continued her medical observations. “So, what are you seeing now?” She applied some little shocks to my brain.

Finally, Mark returned.

I squealed for agony.

Quinn made Mark read the note for me.

Mark read in a monotone manner. “You will find great love, but it is only a detour.”

I gasped.

Was Zoey the great love? And why would it be nothing but a detour?

Quinn tested my reaction to various sounds, to light, to flavoured fluids, and she kept on recording the results. “OK, that was it. You should be back to health again by tomorrow.” She grinned and walked away. Then she grabbed Mark. “Let’s go to supper, sweetie.”

Mark was not a fan of sushi, thus they went elsewhere.

Now I was left on my own.

What was Zoey doing right now?

And what to think about the words of the soothsaying spinster from New York City?

1
cf. Drake & Josh : The Guitar
2
allusion to a son by Miranda Cosgrove featuring Drake Bell which I don’t own
3
song by Drake Bell which I don’t own
4
cf. Drake & Josh : The Gary Grill

Chapter 26  Watch Your Back

26.1  Mint and lilac

Quinn Pensky was an expert in many fields of science.

One of her expertises covered the great area of botanics and genetic engineering.

Her first positive result was the creation of the milac plant, a mixture between a mint and a lilac.

I liked the smell.

It was so ‘milacish’.

Little wonder, she was now keen on creating her own favourite fruits. She liked apples and bananas.

This made her hell bent on creating a banapple tree, the perfect mixture of apple and bananas.

This was not an easy task.

Quinn explained, “The whole apple is not really the fruit of the apple tree, it’s just a pome.”

I gasped. “What do you mean?”

Quinn continued, “really, the fruit of the apple tree is just the inner core of the apple. It’s what the ovary of the blossom turns ultimately into. But the juicy outer part of the apple is just made of accessory tissue of the blossom. This is typical for the maloid subfamily of the family of rosaceae.”

My head was spinning around. “What?”

Mark had to help Quinn manipulating the genetic structure of the plants.

Don’t ask me about details.

Those were all disgusting.

I shuddered for excruciating disgust. I was just happy for the fresh scent of the milac making up for it.

Quinn grinned. “You obviously like the milac. That’s my project for this year’s state science fair. I would have loved to present my studies about sleep withdrawal or my tongue cleaner instead. But Zoey refuses to borrow me Dustin for that avail. She’s so injust.”

Of course Zoey had just been protecting her little brother.

I smiled. “Good for the milac …”

Quinn explained, “It’s a very hard competition. I had already to compete with Simon Nelson Cooke from James K. Polk. But my main opponent for the state finals is a certain Melinda Crenshaw.”

Said Melinda had already beaten Cal.

Or so I remembered.

My former science tutor had been embarrassed to death.

The competition was thus apparently impossible.

But Quinn was going to try anyways.

Quinn sighed. “I know, Melinda is a pain in the tail. She is probably participating with genertically engineered animals.”

I shrugged. “Man-sized mutant ants?” I trembled for increasing terror.

Quinn shrugged.

Mark had messed up some details.

Quinn grunted at him with increasing anger.

I shook my had. “Treating your boyfriend like this, you don’t need enemies or competitors.”

Quinn glared quizzically.

26.2  Tempting enigma

Zoey’s fashion design skills had struck again.

Nicole Bristow had spoiled a backpack for sale in the campus store, due to her bimboishh demeanour and her annoying attention deficit. She had not got the money to pay for it.

Thus Zoey had to lend her money.

Nicole left Zoey the ruined backpack. “It’s so ugly!” She was now broke and terribly sad.

But it was all her own fault.

Dana and one of her friends were now trying to fix a stereo plant in the girls’ lounge.

At the same time, Zoey showed Nicole a beautifully adorned backpack.

Nicole beamed, squealing, “this backpack is insanely marvellous. Isn’t the backpack insanely marvellous? If your backpacks were boys, I would marry them. Where did you get the backpack from?”

Zoey explained, “it is still the same spoiled and ‘totally ugly’ backpack.”

Nicole did not want to believe it.

Zoey ahook her head. “It wasn’t really hard to think of some ornation in order to improve the backpack’s look significantly. I could do that any time.”

Nicole beamed brightluy. “You’re a wizardess!”

Zoey shook her head.

I suggested, “Zoey, you could make a lot of money by adorning the backpack of other pupils.”

Zoey shrugged. “Maybe I could, But I’m not that selfish!”

Alas, a ninth grade girl entered the lounge. She glared at Zoey’s work with increasing interest. She was totally new at our school. She let us call her Anastasia, or ‘Stasie’ for short.

Alas, Anastasia Romanova had been one of the kids of the last Russian csar, Nicholas II.

Rumours of old had thought of her as having survived the carnage committed by organised bolshevist fanatics.

Later on, several girls of unknown past had independently claimed to be said lost daughter of a csar.

Like those pretenders, this girls had appeared from nowhere. She had never met Zoey before. But she was insistingly glaring at her.

There was something fishy.

But nobody was able to tell us what.

A few other kids bounded in and out.

Ashley Blake and Wendy Gellar entered in this moment as well.

Ashley had been looking for me. “I need a short movie for my folder, catergory being romantic tragedy. It’s due until first of may! hury up!”

I sighed. But I was forced to obey.

Wendy had originally just been accompanying her friend. But she also recognised the fake Anastasia, “What is Mindy Crenshaw doing here?”

I gasped. “Is Mindy a short form of Melinda?”

Wendy glared at me.

So, the girl stalking Zoey was no other than Quinn’s worst opponent for the science award!

Maybe I shouldn’t have stuck my nose any deeper into it.

But Wendy appeared to know so much about Melinda Crenshaw …

I couldn’t refrain from investigating.

Mindy may have been very dangerous for Zoey, indeed.

26.3  Corrupted intrigue

I met Wendy again in some silent corner of the campus.

The quirky elementary school kid had something very interesting to report. “OK, I’ve just talked to Megan about Mindy Crenshw.”

I wanted to know everything now.

Wendy explained, “Mindy has recently tried to get Drake Parker expelled from Belleview.1”

“Served him well,” replied I, still angry about the recent events between Zoey and Drake.

Wendy was thoroughly angry at Drake. She was no longer a stalking fan of the fledgling rock idol. But she was still caring about the star.

I wiondered, “how did Mindy achieve that?”

Wendy answered, “she stole the car of Mrs. Hayfer, one of the teachers at Belleview, in the middle of the night. Then she placed it into the middle of the classroom of Hayfer’s classes for thext morning’s first period. Hayfer is the archenemy of Drake.”

I shrugged.

Wendy continued, “of course, Hayfer accused Drake of that fraud. This meant several weeks of suspension, excluding Drake from the state talent shop. But there was of course the possibility of appealing at a honour council. Step-brother Josh defended Drake. Mindy had even the guts to represent Mrs. Hayfer at the council. Even Megan helped Drake to prove his innocence. Usually, she would not do that. She was the one to figure Mindy’s guilt. Mindy had once been awarded with just a B in one of Hayyfer’s classes. She has ever since been totally stinky.”

I gasped. “I always sing hymns of joy for a B.”

Wendy nodded. “So do I. But Mindy is totrally different. She’s perfectionism incarnate.”

My head hurt.

I deemed Mindy totally able to go and gurt Zoey just for being friends with Drake.

Wendy continued, “of course, Mindy was expelled from Belleview for her excruciating fraud. Unfortunately, Mindy had nort been sent to Siberia. This council was just two weeks ago.”

I gasped,

Mindy had not been seen here before that date.

Wendy continued, “The expulsion has also effected Mindy’s exclusion from the state science fair.”

I gasped.

Mindy was now more than surely up to destroying not only Drake, but also his friends, including Zoey!

I felt the absolute need to do something about the whole mess.

But what was there left to do?

26.4  Uncontrollable wrath

Wendy, Dustin, Ashley, and a bunchg of other elementary kids helped me ‘spying’ on Mindy.

You won’t really call it spying, will you?

OK, you will.

But it was self-defense.

Whatever, Ashley had called me right into the action.

Mindy was about cloning Zoey’s ornated backpacks.

I jumped into Mindy’s dormitory room, climbing through the window like a ninja after midnight.

Mindy was, of course, surprised. “Burglar! What are you doing here?”

I did not realize it in the first moment.

But an automated laser rifle was directed at me.

I started stammering upon noticing the weapons.

Mindy bellowed, “who sent you spying? Megan Parker?”

I shook my head. “I’m a friend of Zoey. I worry about her.”

Mindy cackled sadistically. “Aw, the little vixen needs boys to worry about her. You’ve been probably more than just a ‘fried’ for Zoey.”

I blushed to death. “Erm?”

Wishful thinking?

Mindy cackled even more. “The blond beast is cheating on you with Drake. You should be grateful for my wrathful attempts of destroying him.”

I grunted, “what?”

Did she know any details? She kept on cackling manically. “And in a few weeks, Drake will drop her like a piece of glowing iron. He does that with all of the girls coming too close to him.”

OK, the details were just Mindy’s fantasy.

I should not allow her words to upset me at Zoey.

It was possibly totally harmless.

Mindy explained even further, “Jared Drake Parker is such an untamable jerk of the worst sort. And he is going to spoil his step-brother Joshuah, making him become an exact copy.”

I shrugged. But I also noticed a slight blush in Mindy;s face while mentioning Josh Nichols. “Do you like Josh?”

MIndy’s face changed rapidly.

I must have hit a delicate spot in her brain.

Mindy thundered, “never, ever mention that un to anyone! Or face even more of my uncontrollable wrath! Yes, I have been totally addicted to Joshiwe before he became too familiar with Drake. I hate Drake for stealing Josh.”

I started trembling. Having panted heavily, I suggested, “I won’t tell anyone about that. I won’t talk about your usage of a fake name. I won’t talk about the illegal laser weapons here. But there are two conditions … First, stop stalking Zoey plagiarising her arts! Second …”

Mindy knew about Ashley and Wendy being nearby. Down to those potential witnesses, she refrained thence from simply disposing with me. So she accepted my conditions.

26.5  Acid tears

Not much time had gone by.

I was strolling the school’s botanic garden.

Quinn had planted various resultt of her botanic research, like the Milac, and, even more, the banapple tree.

The fruits of the new tree smelled fantastic.

Were they really fruits?

Or were they accessory things?

I didn’t care.

Quinn and Mindy discussed the results of their research, side by side.

Quinn said, “thanks for your assistance, whoever you are. My banapples would have been very acidic.”

Mindy nodded. “That’s because apples and bananas are totally different types of fruits. It took me some time to get around that sticky point. But it did solve the whole problem.”

One of the banapples appeared already ripe.

Quinn and Mindy plucked it off the tree.

They disputed about peeling it.

I walked in. “I may toss a coin. Head … Quinn wins. Tail … Anastasia loses.”

Mindy grinned. “OK … Quinn may be the first. It was her idea to cross those two plants.”

Those banapples looked now more like apples than like bananas. They were ‘accessory fruits’, too, as called by freaks like Mindy and Quinn.

Mindy had to lend Quinn a pocket knife in order to cut the fruit open.

But the inner core of the banapple was now looking more like a banana.

The acid was now concentrated in the outer parts of the banapple.

This left a sweet and smelly core after cutting off the hull.

And this plant was able to grow even in Maine and Vermont.

Finally, Mindy did something unexpected, “OK, Quinn, my real name is: Melinda Crenshaw!”

Quinn gasped for consternation.

Mindy told her about her past. “So, I can’t particiapate in the science fair finals.”

Quinn’s eyes bugged out.

She scratched her hand. “OK, you’ve helped me a lot. So I won’t tell anyone. Next year, we may participate together in a fair.” Quinn decided to renamed her milac plant to melindac, for the very sake of Melinda Crenshaw. She was going to win the science fair due to the lack of competition.

But the girls were still excluded from the scienceclub. Yet they were working on getting Firewire to change exactly this.

1
cf. Drake & Josh : Honor Council

Chapter 27  Down On The Dancing Floor

27.1  Bereft confusion

It was time for the annual middle school disco ball.

Of course we were very excited.

During the past years, we had to invite girls from other schools.

I had always been too lazy to do that. Thus I had been left all alone during the whole evening.

There were still many more boys than girls.

Thus it wasn’t easy to find one for the ball.

Alas, this time, a computer was going to choose the partners, based on questionaries.

Girls from nearby school applied as well in orer to make up for aforementioned gap.

But, of course, I only wanted to dance with one girl.

And you already know with whom.

But the computer’s decision depended on the answers to stupid questions.

Your favourite fruit:
Do you shriek easily?
Your favourite music:
Your favourite animal:

This was very confusing.

How was I supposed to answer those questions in a way allowing me to dance with Zoey.

Logan suggested sadistically, “just spy after Zoey and get her answers!” He was probably going to do exactly that.

According to Michael, I did not have to worry about Logan’s perverted claim on Zoey.

Logan was a reckless somatic narcissist, unable to concentrate on one girl. He was probably abusing the questionary in order to expose his pride in his body, his money, and his jerkish demeanour.

This was not going to pair him up with Zoey for the dance.

Alas, I was closely tempted to do so.

Once more, a little devil and a miniature angel sat down on each of my shoulders.

The devil wanted me to cheat and follow Zoey around, trying to sneak her answers. “It’s your great chance to dance with your dream girl. And maybe more will follow after the dancing floor.”

I grinned with glee.

“Don’t do that,” admonished the angel. “Zoey is a nice and innocent girl. She believes in your honesty. Abusing that, she will hate you.”

“She will never know,” replied the devil, blowing aloft some brimstone smoke through his glowing nostrils.

“Girls are very delicate. They feel the dishonesty of boys,” warned the angel with a charming voice.

I shivered.

The devil laughed sadistically. “If you don’t do it, some other boy will. And then it’s like good-bye Chase, it has been nice to meet you. But I’ve found a real man.” He spewed flames.

I screamed for agony.

The angel fluttered with his wings in order to chase away the scent of smouldering pitch and brimstone. “Nice girls like Zoey value the patience of boys.”

My head was turning around.

In the end, I decided to give up on the questionary.

At the same time, Quinn was filling in Mark’s.

The dweeb had no clue about computers and was thus not able to sumbit the form on his own.

Thus Quinn had to do it for him, making him give the ‘correct’ answers.

I shook my head.

It was a stupid ball, anyways.

27.2  Ignored instinct

Michael had been assigned a certain Olivary Biallo.

Much to his dismay, Ollie was a male exotic exchange student!

Michael was totally consternated.

How was that possible?

It was going to be a nightmare for him.

Alas, something was fishy.

I vaguely recognised ‘Olivary Biallo’ from our visit to James K. Polk Middle school in Santa Clarita.

For aforementioned reasons, a few girls from there had been invited, too.

I recognised tomboy Suzie Crabgrass1 from there. But I also remembered vaguely a guy from there in the likeness of the very Olivary Biallo.

Michael shook his head. “There is some striking similarity. But you’re probably making up things! That Olivary Biallo must be an exchanger. No American boy would behave like him. Biallo is absolutely not familiar with our culture.” He decided to ignore our memories and instinctive judgments.

I sighed. Maybe I was really wrong.

Concerning Zoey, the really worst scenario was about to happen.

Her ball date was no other but aknowledged jerk Glenn Davis. He must have stolen the answers from Zoey.

The devil had been right.

My head was about blowing up and burst into microscopic smithereens, covering the whole campus with worthless trash.

Quinn and Mark were obviously going to the ball together.

Alas, Quinn was able to feign being surprised.

Nicole Bristow was paired with aforementioned Nicholas Webber. She had not been able to deny her bimboish demeanour throughout her questionary.

The biggest shock of all was awaiting Logan Reese.

His partner was no other but excruciatingly abrasive tomboy Dana Cruz.

This served him well for his endlessly boastful arrogance.

On the other hand, they could have been such a really cute couple.

Both of them wanted to become either supermodels or basketball stars.

But they did not respect their hidden mutual attraction, and they kept on bickering.

What an incredible pity!

They were so going to rue this, not during this term, not during their life at Pacific Coast Academy, but once in their life time …

Brad was paired with Missy Meanie from James K. Polk.

Wayne ‘Firewire’ Gilbert was punished with Evelyn Kwong, an abrasive nerd girl from the same district school.

Vince Blake’s partner was going to be aforementioned Suzanne Crabgras.

Thus everything was going to go its way.

Just lonesome me was excluded from the whole fun and left with wondering about strange Olivary Biallo.

27.3  Make a wish and toss a penny to the moon

It was the night of the middle school ball.

The full moon was hanging dreamily in the sky, as if mocking me for not participating.

The fears of Zoey getting abused by Glen stung deep into my brain.

But the angel had chased the devil again and kept me from intervening.

There was no band.

The music came from the tape.

They were playing along I wish I was with you tonight2

Of course, I wished to be with …

You know whom!

And not just during the ball night.

I spit aloft, trying to hit the moon.

According to supersmart Quinn Pensky, this was a hopelessly futile attempt.

But I didn’t even care.

Maybe some old ritual helped.

I picked my walled and took a cent out of it.

Maybe tossing it to the moon was going to bring me the necessary luck.

The lamp hang in the sky like a hunk of green cheese.

I closed my eyes, imagining to be with Zoey.

Then I hurled the little coin aloft.

Was it going to help?

I glared at the moon for over an hour.

Nothing happened.

Finally, Olivary Biallo showed up. What was he doing here?

The Ball wasn’t yet over.

He fell on his kneees and muttered some prayer.

“What are you doing?” wondered I.

Olivary Biallo grinned. “I’m praying to the moon.”

I gasped.

Strangely, Olivary had lost his exotic accent. “I may talk to you like a true Californian boy, right?”

I shrugged. “Sure …”

My instincts had not been cheating.

‘Olivary’ confessed, “I am really Jerome Crony from James K. Polk.”

I panted. “So you have registered for the ball as a girl? But why?”

Crony explained, “I want to become a fashion designer. I am the only boy in our school’s textile creation club. But I don’t dare to fess up. My friends are very mean and force me to bully others along with them. They would kill me. I have to do this secretly.” He trembled for agony.

I gasped.

Jerry Crony admitted, “I wanted to talk to Zoey Brooks. But she’s too busy with Glen Davis.”

Her Drake shirts and her backpacks had become popular at all schools throughout Los Angeles county.

Crony wanted apparently to ask Zoey for advice for his intended career. “Michael is a friend of Zoey, and so are you, so maybe …”

But what was Glen about doing to my Zoey?

I also wondered about Michael.

“Don’t worry,” replied Crony. “he’s dancing with my ‘sister Farfalla’”.

I chuckled. “So, she’s not really your sister?”

Jerry grinned. “She just taught me to behave like a boy from her island.”

I giggled mercilessly.

27.4  Reaching for the moon

I was back to my dorm.

We prepared the third and usually empty bed in my dorm for Jerry Crony.

He had registered as a girl and thus been assigned a place in one of the girls’ dormitory blocks.

But this was obviously not OK, given his properly male identity.

Granted, fashion design was a girly hobby.

But Jerry was still a boy. “I pray to the moon every night, hoping for getting accepted as a boy inspite of my hobby. Farfalla taught me that custom of her island’s natives. Maybe it works. Maybe it doesn’t.” He shrugged carelessly.

I wished the prayers to be helpful.

Mark del Figgalo stumbled in.

I wondered, “is the ball over?”

Mark shook his head. “Quinn has to complete some experiments.” Anyways, Mark wasn’t exactly a perfect dancer.

I imagined Quinn having danced around Mark, holding his wrists nervously due to Mark standing still like a rock.

Mark yawned and dropped onto his bed.

I asked, “Have you seen Zoey?”

Mark shrugged.

My suspense incresed.

“What is Glen Davis doing to her? Are they still dancing? Have they already started making out?”

I could hardly bear the lack of knowledge.

Olivary stared at the moon. “I have got a strange feeling …”

I didn’t care any less.

Mark remarked, “Zoey and Glen have already left the dancing hall.”

My heart imploded.

My devil had been right.

They were now probably going to make out in the moonlight.

I threw up.

Mark continued, “Glen has cheated with his questionary. Zoey is now upset. Each of them ran awy into a different direction.”

I sighed with relief.

But, hey!

Zoey was now lost out on the campus!

I couldn’t help going in order to look after her. “Mark, you have to take care of our new friend, Jeromme Crony aka Olivary Biallo. See you guys around!” I left like a rocket, albeit forced to stumble on and off.

27.5  Laughing at the moon

Having circumambulated the campus like a confused swarm of hornets, I finally found no other than Zoey Brooks, sitting at the rim of the campus fountain.

Zoey smiled sweetly.

The moonlight emphasised her face’s angelic traits.

I waved at her.

Zoey replied, “aw, hi, Chase, it’s you!”

I nodded solemnly. “Hi Zoey!” I asked for being allowed to sit down next to her. And I was granted.

My heart started beating faster.

Zoey grinned. “You were right the ball was stupid. The reason for the ball was that of getting to know knew kids, in an unbiased manner. But jerks like Glen Davis and others did not take that serious and just manipulated their questionaries in order to get together with a certain person, just because of popularity. With computerised matching working like this, I totally prefer good old girls’ choice or boys’ choice, whatever.”

I wondered, “and that means?”

Zoey sighed. “Thanks, you’re not such a jerk, at least.”

I smiled. But I could not forget my previous temptations urging me to do exactly what Zoey had just condemned most.

Zoey wrapped one arm around me. “Let’s take a walk around the fountain?”

I smiled and stood up.

My heart was close to exploding.

The moonlight reflecting in the fountain, the tender night, Zoey, and I, all alone on the campus …

Zoey told me about the evening. “Nicholas and Nicole annoyed each other with their bimbo talk. Dana and Logan taunted each other with their arrogance. Logan expected a kiss in his jerkish, taunting manner. Dana made him close his eyes and stomped on his toe with her foot, instead.”

We laughed heartily.

Logan had totally deserved that.

The moon was still hanging above us.

We laughed at it.

Alas, Zoey pluckered with her lips after having talked about Logan’s and Dana’s ‘kiss’. Like a foot soldier bracing in order to receive a knight’s charge, she was expecting a real kiss from me.

But how was I supposed to be able to kiss a perfect girl, right there, and right then? I couldn’t. I had come so close.

How was Zoey going to take that?

Now it was the moon appearing to laugh at me.

1
regular of Ned’s Declassified SSG, but same actress had a cameo in Zoey 101 : School Dance
2
song which I don’t own by some unknown artist, played in Zoey 101 : School Dance and Drake & Josh : Drake and Josh go Hollywood

Chapter 28  Mystic Beach

28.1  Fatal accident

The last afternoon of the term, right after the finals, was traditionally reserved for a beach party.

The beach bordering the camous was nice. But it was cornered by quite few aforementioned rocks. Thus it was, after all, too small for a thousand fun-loving kids and teenagers.

Thus we rented part of so-called ‘mystic beach’.

It was one of the nicest places of southern California, located some fifty miles to the east-west, or the north-south, of the Pacific Coast Academy.

I hated directions.

They always kept on confusing me.

In any case, I had been in my dorm right after the finals.

Mark had been there, too.

Now we wanted to fetch Quinn, Zoey, Nicole, Dana, Logan, and Michael.

Mark grunted apathetically, “Quinn asked me whether to wear a bikini or a one-piece swim suit. What do you think?”

I choked, not willing to imagine the geeky lass in either. “Why not in her lab suit, as usual?”

Mark grumbled. “Er?”

I shrugged. “That’s most suited for a science geek, isn’t it?”

Mark sighed. “Probably …”

We found the others.

But something was strange.

All of them appeared to sleep.

The busses for the beach party were already about leaving.

There was not much time left.

I shook Michael, trying to wake him up.

Michael yawned heartily. “Michael is asleep. Leave a message after the beep! … Beep!”

I shook him harder. “Hurry up! We will miss our busses!”

Logan woke up, grunting, “hey! It is only … high noon?”

Mark tried to awaken Quinn.

But the girls were even sleeping more profoundly than Logan and Michael.

Dustin was with them. And he slept like after three days of sleep withdrawal..

I took my cellular phone, informing Mr. Bender.

He grunted, “you and your gang are always late. I understand …”

I sighed deeply.

Alas, we could not help it and were forced to drag the sleeping girls and Dustin to the parking site.

Mark carried Quinn.

I decided to carry Dustin.

Logan and Michael took care of the rest.

But whence had they fallen fast asleep, right after the finals? They had certainly not been bored to death.

Anticipating the beach party had stoked them beyond any limit.

A little flask was lying on the floor. It was probably part of one of Quinn’s experiments.

Fearing Quinn’s disappointment about missing her laboratory equipment down by the beach, I rendered teh flask unto Mark.

He pocketed the little container filled with some strange liquid.

Maybe one of Quinn’s latest inventions had caused this fatal accident?

I had to hurry up instead of wondering any further.

28.2  Miraculous relief

We were now sitting in our bus, bound for mystic beach.

Zoey was resting by my sight. Again, she smiled angelically even while asleep.

I had to remember the situation in the moonlight near the fountain.

It was now going to haunt me forever.

All of a sudden, Zoey woke up.

Having already feared Zoey to sleep forever, I sighed with tremendous relief.

Zoey smiled even more. “Are you going to take me to place for us to be all alone, just you and me?” She smirked.

I had to disappoint her. “We’re in a bus to the beach, along with fifty other pupils.”

But Zoey remembered finally. “Aw, the beach. I’ve been so looking forward to it.” She swooned. “Is it really that great?”

I replied, “it sucked without girls. Especially without a particular one.”

Zoey grunted, ’quotWhere is she? I could kill her for jealousy. She chuckled noisily.

Nicole and Dana woke up, too.

Logan had placed them next to each other and tied them by their shoelaces.

Dana wanted to stand up and walk to another que, but she stumbled and fell flat onto her nose.

Logan laughed mercilessly.

Dana grunted with disgust. “Reese! You will pay for it!”

Nicole squealed like an insane bimbo fury.

Dustin was still asleep.

Zoey was now understandably worried. She traded seats with Michael.

My former best pal was still in a daze, ready to fall asleep oince more.

I expected him to tell me anout the reason for the sleep.

But he could only stammer incoherent nonsense.

Quinn woke up.

Mark sighed deeply. “OK, Clint, what happened?”

Quinn explained, “my artificial coconut essence must have knocked us out. I have to improve the formula.”

I didn’t want to hear about the formula.

Zoey yelled at Quinn. “Dustin is still unconscious!”

Quinn shook her head. “He’s just asleep.”

Zoey glared angily at Quinn. “Woe to you if …”

Dustin opened his eyes. He yawned. “What’s up? Why do you make such a noise?”

Zoey sighed with a relief audible even outside the bus.

Quinn tried to explain the situation, but she was impossible to understand.

28.3  White shores

The sands of ‘mystic’ beach were really fast and snow-white.

Our bus had halted.

We stormed out.

Only Zoey was slower, helping still dazed Dustin to leave the bus slowly.

I took a wrapped blanked and spread it in front of me.

Dana passed by. “This is my spot.”

I gasped. I had been there first.

She threatened to kick sand into my face.

I finally budged.

Dana scoffed.

Logan and Dana would have really been such a cute couple.

A few yards further, I had got the occasion to spread my blanket again.

Zoey had finally got rid of Dustin. “He’s now going to surf with Wendy and other kids of his age.”

I smiled with relief and ‘allowed’ Zoey to unfold her blanket next to mine.

She donned mirrored sun glasses. “I’ve bought them a few days ago.”

Nicole walked past us. She used to bother in the worst moments. “aw, hi, have you seen the cute beach? And the cute half-naked boys roaming the beach? And the wind, and the waves, … and did I already mention all those incredibly cute boys?” She swooned over and over.

It was incredibly hard for me to bear.

How had Zoey been able to do so?

I asked Nicole, “why did you break up with Nick Webber? Wasn’t he cute enough?”

Nicole sighed. “he’s incredibly cute. But he talks like a bimbo …”

“So do you,” remarked Zoey.

Nicole grunted, “no way … wait … maybe I should give me and Nick another try!” She rushed away at the speed of light.

Zoey cackled. “Cool!”

Dana grunted, “good for Nicole!”

Now it was the right time to talk to Dana about the dance with Logan.

Or maybe it wasn’t.

The angel and the devil returned to my shoulders, fighting over the issue.

The devil figured, “both of them have always treated you like dirt. You shouldn’t do any good for them!”

The angel was of a different opinion.

I closed my eyes, “Dana, I have come to think about you and Logan …”

Dana gasped. “Really?”

I nodded solemnly. “You would be a cute couple. What I mean is …”

Dana spanted heavily and sighed thoroughly. “Logan might like me? If a boy says so … Maybe I should rethink my decision …”

Michael nodded. “He sure does! You have tried not to embarrass him on the basketbal court for many a minute. Logan values that a lot.”

Zoey wondered, “which decision?”

Dana moaned, “I wanted to talk mom to take me with her to France. There is a cool international boarding school in Paris, run by some Monique Chaumont1. I wanted to go there for high school, due to the fact of not being liked here by any boy. But if Logan … She blushed.”

It was apparently much less of a surprise for her than evident.

She snuck away, looking for Logan Reese.

Suddenly, excited Dustin came to us. “A whit shark,” screamed he at the very top of his lungs.

Zoey stood up on her blanket. “A what?”

Dustin stammered, “over there!”

I trembled upon spotting a fin merging from the curly brine.

Dana raced into the water.

We screamed, fearing for Dana.

But the dauntless Latina grabbed the fin, tearing it aloft.

There was really no shark.

It was …Logan Reese!

Dana told him her opinion.

Finally, they ended up kissing, with there mouths hidden neath the water surface.

I couldn’t watch the cheesy scene.

28.4  Liquid sunset

It had been the most fanciful afternoon ever in my whole middle school life.

But now the sun was setting, and the busses were ready to take us back to the campus.

Dustin was going to return to the campus with kids from his classes, especially Wendy.

Unfortunately, the relationship of the two appeared to rush to its end.

But Dustin was still young enough to survibe that.

I was in a different situation.

Messing up this time with Zoey would sure have sent me into eternal loneliness.

Dana and Logan had been making out in the water for several hours straight.

We had been forced to fish them out of the brine.

The sun seemed to disappear in the waves of the mighty Pacific ocean.

From our seats in the bus, we watched the scene.

Zoey swooned. “It’s like .. the sun losing itselfd in the waves, melting away and leaving lots of orange juice.” Where did she get all those impressive comparisons from?

Unfortunately, we were sitting now right behind Nicole and Nicholas.

They lead an endless bimbo conversation about everything cute.

Zoey was nicely surprised by the party out on the beach.

Alas, Mark’s afternoon had not been really nice. He had been sitting on some sea urchin without noticing the mess.

Quinn was now compared to extract all those needles or quills or whatever from his skin.

Unfortunately, the chemicals she used burned more into Mark’s skin than the spines or so.

Quinn explained, “Some sea urchins are poisonous. I have to apply some antidote …” She grabbed the little test tube filled with coconut-flavoured essences.

I gasped, “do you want to make us fall asleep again?”

Quinn shook her head. “I’ve improved the formula down by the beach. It works now a lot better …” She opened the container.

A cloud of smoke and mist billowed and oozed aforth, enshrouding us with a haze.

The air filled with some stern coconut-like stench.

It was impossible for me to stay awake.

I saw Zoey’s distorted smile for one last moment before dropping asleep.

28.5  They’re only sleeping

I had been dreaming about being all alone with Zoey, almost like after the middle school ball.

But the dream had come to a premature end.

Some official voice whistered, “They ain’t dead, or comatose, they are just asleep.” The voices belonged to Chief Becker2.

The police had apparently found our bus in the streets.

I could make out the faces of Dean Rivers and of Dustin Brooks.

Zoey’s little brother had been totally worried and complained, waking up the headmaster even in the middle of the night.

Dustin hugged his elder sister awake. “Zoey!”

She was still dazed when looking into Dustin’s eyes. “Aw! You’ve really come to save me?”

Dustin nodded proudly.

Dean Rivers was walking around in old, somewhat tattered pyjamas.

I laughed heartily.

Dean Rivers grunted, “who is responsible for this mess? May anyone tell me?”

The few of us already awake shook their head.

Apparently, Quinn’s coconut stuff was the reason.

But we did not want to get us all into trouble.

Mark held the strange tube in his hand.

Headmaster Rivers roared, “what is this? It cries for stern punish…” Then he yawned like a hyena and dropped asleep, forgetting about the whole incident like about a dream.

A few minutes later, the police returned us to the campus of the Pacific Coast Academy.

Zoey yawned, lying peacefully in my arms.

I was even allowed to carry her into her dorm.

Most of the girls were still asleep.

Thus we boys kind of, sort of had to take care of them.

We had gone through so many things during the first years of coeducation.

The next year was probably going to be even more interesting.

Some new pupils were expected at the school, ready to increase the fun.

Yet one thing worried me to no end:

The closer Zoey and I became, the more aloof did she appear to me.

1
from Zoey 101 : Haunted House
2
from Zoey 101 : Drippin

Chapter 29  Another Year

29.1  Haunting melody

I had been at my dad’s new home over the summer break.

Itwas pretty boring.

Rusty Dickerson had found a girlfriend.

This made me even more sad.

I had come so close to Zoey.

It had all been up to me.

Thence the melody of aforementioned song Wish I was With You Tonight was stuck to my head like an incessantly ticking time bomb.

I was glad for Rusty, anyways.

Likewise, Addie Singer and Jake Behari had finally found together.

Addie had broken up with Randy Klein, after half a year only.

The relationship between Patty Perez and Jake Behari had never been anything but a stupid joke arranged by their families.

That was such a long story.

I was equally glad for Addie.

Alas, she had suffered from the death of her favourite grand aunt Bertha.

This hurt a lot.

Some members of my family were hardly going to make it much longer.

I didn’t yet want to think about it.

But Bertha’s death reminded me the hard way.

I’ve also been to a summer camp in Massachusetts.

It was my last adventure camp.

At the age of fifteen, I was no longer permitted.

This reminded me sharply of ny list of things to do before my thirteentyh birthday.

I had failed so miserably. I had even forgotten about most of the list due to my relentless thoughts centering exclusively about Zoey.

Same thoughts became thence associated with her.

Now I was waiting for my plane to take me to Los Angeles.

This year, there was no Kreuftlva trying to tell my fortune.

But the prediction from last year, in combination with forever haunting tune, was going to kill me slowly and painfully.

There was a last call for my flight.

I stumbled across the point of no return in my usual, excited manner.

Was this just another good-bye to the northeast?

I did not know.

29.2  Edge of sanity

I had just arrived disposed my luggage in my new dorm, Maxwell Hall..

Suddenly, a huge cardboard box with little feet stood in front of me.

It was Dustin Brooks, carrying some entertainment electronics for Logan Reese.

I priotested, “that’s slavery!”

Dustin shook his head, “Logan pays me for it. Thus it’s OK.” He smiled for excitement. “Also, when everything is done, I may test the video game station. It’s a new space invasion game invented by Firewire.”

I shrugged carelessly.

Zoey was possibly of a different opinion. Where was she anyways?

Oh my gosh!

The new year was just an hour or so old.

But Dana and Nicole were at each other’s throat again.

This was not possible.

Zoey was of course standing in the crossfire.

Poor Zoey!

But she had to stick her nose into everything.

Maybe that was one of my reason for liking her that much in the first place?

I did not really know.

But things were going to become more interesting.

Zoey hugged me. “Hi Chase!” Was she expecting a kiss?

I still felt overwhelmed.

Zoey sighed. “OK. Dana and Nicole are driving me crazy. Maybe I should move out again. It worked pretty well last time.”

I chuckled and nodded.“I do remember.”

Zoey and I, we circumambulated the campus for some time.

Quinn crossed our way, looking for Mark.

I confirmed him as my room-mate also for this year.

Quinn grinned. “Unfortunately, I’m no longer alone in my dormitory room. My new roomie is a fledgling Hollywood actress.”

I guessed, “Lola Martinez? The Latina from last fall’s trial week for kids interested in joining us? She was in a project with Dana.”

Quinn nodded solemnly. “Her name is really Lola. She tried to fool me. But Dana’s vicinity blew her cover.”

Zoey made a quick decision. “You’re room is for three girls, but you’re only two, so far, right?”

Quinn nodded. “why?”

Zoey told her about Dana’s and Nicole’s permanent mutual verbal onslaughts.

Quinn gasped. “This had been a bad idea last year.”

Zoey nodded. “But it’s easier with three girls than with just two of them.”

Quinn didn’t quite understand the problem. But she gave it a try.

The girls didn’t need me for the time being. They were going to talk about girls’ stuff.

Or so I assumed while trying to look for Michael.

And there he came, stumbling hastily across the campus.

I gasped.

Michael coughed. “Logan is insane. His expensive entertainment plant has just been installed. And the noise there is terrible. It drives me insane”

I had got an idea. “The third bed in my dorm is still free.”

Michael beamed. “Chase! You’re a genius with a shrubbery on his head.”

I touched my hair.

It was still there.

I helped Michael moving out.

29.3  Terror in the night

So, finally, I was reunited once more with Michael.

He had a lot to talk about his work at his dad’s enterprise during the summer months.

Mark had not seen Quinn in almost three moths. But he registered their first encounter thence in a totally apathetical manner.

Now we were going to prepare for national geography.

This year, we had to learn the capitals of the states by heart for a test.

I never got the thing with Florida right.

Miami was the only town of renown and interest down there. It had Miami Vice1 and many more intyeresting things.

I had never heard before about Talahassee.

What sort of name was that?

It sounded more like some Japanese car brand.

And then there was California, my new home of three years by now.

Was Los Angeles or one of its suburns the capital?

No way!

San Diego? Frisco?

Wrong!

It had to be Sacramento.

This sounded like an Italian curse word, but not like a capital of a respected state.

I shuddered with disgust.

Alas, during the whole evening, the level of noise increased.

We were just living three rooms away from Logan’s dorm.

It must have been worse than hell inside.

Even our walls were trembling.

But we were still able to talk and listen unto each other, although only upon excruciating efforts.

All of a sudden, the terrific noise stopped.

Unfortunately the lights went out, too.

Clearly, runningall those new entertainment systems at top power overburdened the electric circuits tremendously.

We had to look for our electric torches , somewhere in our not yet assorted luggage.

I used the light of the display of my cellulr phone as a preliminary light source.

This inspired me into calling the girls.

Zoey picked up her cellular phone. “Hi, Chase! Have you heard the terror?”

I sighed. “It must have been Logan’s maniac entertainment system.”

Zoey sighed. “Cool! Lola has got a few candles. Come over with your roomie! We may thence celebrate a candle light party.”

It was, of course, way past curfew.

But Coco was probably stuck somewhere in the food storage, with the lights out, and unable to controll everything,

We gladly accepted the girls’ invitation.

29.4  Dim as an ember

We were now gathered in 103 Brenner Hall.

Lola had just lit a few small candles. She had wanted to use them in order to pretend to be a goth girl, ready to talk to the deceased.

Alas, the death of Addie’s grand-aunt Bertha was still stuck in my head.

I didn’t want to hear any jokes about the dead or so.

The candles were small.

And there were not many of them.

Also, Lola had given one of them to the girls from 104 Brenner Hall.

Thus the light supply was very much limited.

We were thinking of some game to play for three boys and three girls.

Alas, Quinn had got an idea for more light. She had built one of those stationary bikes. And she had built in some power generator.

The faster you ride, the more power gets generated.

This sounded cool.

Michael was teh first to try the stationary bicycle.

Quinn wireed and connected the thing to some accumulator.

Michael struggled hard.

Finally, the first light bulb started glowing dimly.

That was only the start.

Quinn had invented a two-way TV connecting her own dorm with that of Dana and Nicole. She wanted to launch it.

Lola and Michael were totally curious.

Zoey objected to spying on Dana and Nicole.

Quinn moaned, “hey, it’s fun! Besides, they can see us, too!”

Zoey could not stop the freaky tech nerd.

The stystems were ‘go’.

Dana and Nicole grunted upon noticing us.

Suddenly, Zoey’s cellular phone rang.

Zoey picked it up.

It was Dustin.

Zoey gasped. “What are you doing? It’s past midnight?”

Dustin sighed. “I know. I’ve been playing the new video game at Logan’s. I was already in the last level, and so close to hitting the jackpot. But then the lights crushed out. He pouted for exorbitant disappointment.”

Zoey was almost angry. “Dustin, yuu shouldn’t have done that, and you know it.”

Dustin moaned, “but it’s a lot of fun!”

Zoey grunted, “where are you now?”

Dustin squealed, “somewhere out on the campus. I don’t know. It’s too dark.”

Zoey shook her head. “Dustin gets grounded for the next four weeks. And I will hit Logan with something very hard. An iron golf club would serve right.”

I gasped. “Zoey?”

She grabbed a candle. “OK, Chase, if you love me, you come with me, looking for Dustin. I can’t let him stay lost on the campus.”

I blushed. Of course I loved her, didn’t I?

Quinn sighed. “A wind will blow the candle out.”

My electric torch was too low on power already.

But Quinn had got another solution. “This is my last improved chemical light stick. Bend it in order to make it glow for twelve hours.”

Zoey grabbed it off Quinn. “OK, Chase, ready?”

I nodded and followed Zoey out, letting the rest of the bunch argue with Nicole and Dana over the two-way TV.

29.5  Whispers in the dark

Our chemical light notwithstanding, some sparse mist limited our sight on occasions.

We made our way to the entrance of Brenner Hall.

Some kids were still wildly discussing and disputing about the power failure.

Zoey asked some of them about Dustin’s departure.

Vince and Ashley sighed. “I wanted to carry Ashley home to her dorm, but it was too dark. Yet Dustin started to leap out like a freshly greased flash of lightening, somewhere into that direction, ignoring any warning.”

We sighed and thanked Vince.

Alas, he would have liked one of those chemical light sticks.

Many kids were trapped in the darkness.

Dustin could be so daring, but fearsome at the same time.

Most of the kids understood our priority of looking for lost Dustin first.

We walked into the indicating diection, calling for Dustin.

Zoey reached her brother once more by means of her cellular phone. “May you describe your vicinity? How does the ground feel?”

Dustin sighed. “A meadow, with several trees nearby. And the bottom of a grassy slope.”

I had got a vague idea where to look.

Alas, I would have been equally lost without Zoey’s attentivity.

Looking hither and thither, we made it to a group of several trees.

It was not really a forest, though.

Finally, Dustin must have seen the our stray chemical light. He screamed. “Zoey!”

We saw the little bugger storming towards us.

Zoey feared him to stumble.

And, in deed, a root in his way tripped im up and almost sent him with the nose first to the ground.

But Zoey was there, right in time for catching him.

Thence we preferred to talk in whispers.

Dustin asked, “are you now a caouple?”

I blushed. Zoey gasped. “why do you think that?”

Dustin whispered, “will you have many babies? Zoey never told me what you have to do for that.2”

Zoey choked hard. “Two weeks more grounded! And Chase, you have to tell Dustin about the flower and bee stuff.”

I gasped.

She was his closest relative, not me!

Zoey begged. “Please! I would do the same for you!”

I sighed. But what wouldn’t I have done for Zoey?

We carried Dustin to his dorm, and then we returned to the lounch.

Using Quinn’s chemical light stick, the other kids all found their way home inspite of the pitch-black campus.

1
Movie I don’t own
2
cf. Zoey 101 : Little Beach Party

Chapter 30  Past And Future

30.1  Those who do not remember the past

I was not really keen on books except those containing plays and poems of my examples to live up to, auch as aforementioned Sofia Michelle.

An exception were yearbooks describing the history of Pacific Coast Academy.

As you know, it was only our second coeducational year.

Thence most of the books were dealing with the times of a boys-only school.

Some of our teachers had been students here, such as Mr. Bender, our homeroom teacher for this year.

There was a yearbook showing him as a cheerleader.

That was very funny.

Alas, he did not like us laughing about it.

Some of us wondered, “what will future generations of opupils think about us?”

I shrugged. “Will they even want to remember the past?”

Not everyone was keen on sticking his delicate nose into dusty yearbooks of lost generations.

Zoey had got an idea. “I know a way to help them remember the past.”

We wondered how.

Zoey suggested a time capsule.

Was that something to swallow like a pill? And thereupon it makes you remember the past better?

Quinn was sure able to invent such a thing.

I wouldn’t mind a few of those pills, especially during tests, in order to remember past lessons.

Alas, it was not that easy.

A time capsule, as suggested by Zoey, was essentially a chest containing memories of all of us.

Mr. Bender nodded, declaring “this is a class project!”

Each of us had to contribute to the chest.

I gasped.

It sounded like a lot of work.

Lola was exorbitantly upset. “In twenty years, people will flock to my movies. Everyone will remeber the great actress earning an Oscar as a teenager already!” She decided to refrain from contributing.

It would have been a dreadful onslaught upon her dignity as an eternal diva.

Logan shrugged. He decided immediately to contribute a picture of himself. “Future girls of the Pacific Coast Academy shall always remember the hottest guy ever on this campus. Sorry, I obviously meant: on this planet!”

Dana decided on a short ‘character movie’ about herself.

Michael yawned.

I was really clueless. I wanted to add a poem or a play to the capsule.

A play would have taken too long.

And Ashley Blake wanted one for herself, in just a few weeks.

So a poem it was.

Quinn decided to add an invention made recently by herself.

Nicole was up to contributing one of her favourite shirts.

And on and on and on it went.

30.2  Arise from the ashes

Back to my dormitory room …

Mark del Figgalo had chosen to contribute a partly rotten salami, reminding future generations of food at Pacific Coast Academy.

Michael suggested, “let’s write a song together! You make the lyrics, I make the tune!”

That sounded like a great idea.

It had to be a song about our life at this school.

There was one tough problems. “I can’t find a word rhyming with Zoey.”

Michael gasped. “Can’t you think about anything else?”

I sighed and panted heavily. “Zoey is my life at Pacific Coast Academy.”

Michael shook his head.

I continued. “Maybe the capsule will vanish forever. Nobody will get to see my looser poem.”

Michael shrugged. “If it shows up after twenty years? Like Phoenix rising from his ashes?”

I gasped. I had always loved the story of that fabulous bird.

This would have been quite a bit of a problem.

I was going to be known as the guy having made a joke of himself by not being able to write a decent poem about his beloved girl.

This prospect stung hard into my side.

Quinn marched in, visiting her Mark. She looked very tired.

It was only 6 p.m.

Quinn yawned.

I wondered, “which of your inventions are you going to contribute to the capsule?”

Quinn shrugged. “A remedy for my insomnia, I hope. Zoey and Lola already hate me for it. I’ve already counted sheep, bent my limbs with yoga exercises, and on and on and on it goes. Maybe I should buy some exotic little fish whose urines widen mt nostrils.”

I was going to puke through our open window.

That was so hard to bear.

Michael wasn’t feeling well, either. “Little fish in your nose?” He squealed. “The fish will rot away in the capsule.”

Quinn sighed. She knew about means to conserve them.

I objected, “in twenty years, no kid will care about your insomnia.”

“I will,” promised mark apathetically.

Quinn snuggled close to her boyfriend.

I asked timidly, “what is Zoey going to do?”

Quinn shrugged. “She tries to make a short movie, saying a few words about life her, and her friends.”

Suddenly, I had got an idea, remembering one of Quinn’s prior inventions. But I hesitated.

That invention was probably going to effect Zoey, Lola, and other girls in their hall, too, such as Nicole and Dana.

The walls in Brenner Hall were very thin.

The little angel and the little devil fought it out once more.

I panted heavily. “What about the sleeping bomb from last year? You know, the prank week … or maybe the coconut-flavoured essential oil?”

Quinn’s eyes bugged out. “Yeah, that will do!” She thanked me and ran away.

Thus an old quinnvention had already been raised from the ashes. And it was going to do so again upon the rediscovery of our time capsule.

But Zoey’s contribution started sending jitterbugging thoughts into my brain.

Was she going to talk about me?

Michael left me alone in order to date Lola.

The two of them had started doing so just as a convenience.

With me dating Zoey, and Mark dating Quinn, both of them did not want to feel like the fifth wheel of a car.

30.3  Future of the past

It was olny 7.30 p.m.

Yet a sudden onslaught of tiredness struck me right down the middle.

I fell fast asleep and started dreaming. There I was. I looked now like a man in his thirties.

An old DVD lay in front of my feet.

Was it still usable?

I inserted it into my multi-media station, shivering for excruciating excitement. I pushed a red, glowing button and sank back into a hovercraft chair.

The futuristic station, powered by some of Quinn Pensky’s upcoming inventions, had hgot some problems recogniseing the outdated format of the DVD.

Of course, in rewal life, it was one of the latest models.

In the end, the machine succeeded anyways.

I was pleased by being able to command it with my voice, without moving my fingers, let alone leaving my chair.

The picture of teenage Zoey appeared on the screen.

It must have been the DVD contributed to the hovercraft.

I felt like having waited for two decades for this very moment.

My suspense increased beyond any imaginable limit.

Zoey started talking.

My heart beat like a steam-driven industrial hammer, making my bones quake through and through.

My hair stood out from end to end upon hearing Zoey’s teenage voice again.

Zoey said, “hello, I am Zoey Brooks. I have been a student at Pacific Coast Academy …”

My mind skipped over the bare-bone facts.

Then Zoey started talking about her friends. She started with the girls.

My heart stood still upon hearing her mention my name.

Zoey talked about me. “Chase has always been a great friend. I particularly appreciate his openness and his honesty.”

I felt flattered.

But many tingling shockwaves kept on running up and down my spine.

Zoey sighed. “I thought us to be more. But he keeps on refusing to kiss me. So we can’t ever be anything but simple friends, I fear. And that is really such a pity. I have been hoping for more. I still am. But things look like …”

My brain exploded.

My world went dark.

30.4  Fragmented truths

The next morning, last night’s dream was stuck in my head like never-resting motor.

I was so going to be known as a guy unable to kiss his girlfriend.

Even more, Zoey was probably going to trash me for someone less of a coward.

There were numerous guys on the campus without the dimmest trace of an objection to pressing their lips boastingly against Zoey’s.

This thought tortured me excessively to no expectable end.

Once more, an angel and a devil sat down on my shoulders.

They picked bits and pieces of facts, throwing them wildly at each other.

The devil suggested, “you need to dig out the capsule and take a look at Zoey’s DVD!”

The angel orered me not to do so. “Zoey honours your honesty most. She would rightfully hate you for touching her DVD meant to be hidden for the next years.”

The devil bellowed, “Zoey will never know. Just put the DVD back after watching it, will you?”

I was consternated.

The angel shook his head. “Don’t even think about doing so! Think about Edgar Allen Poe’s Telltale Heart!”

I gasped.

Addie loved Poe’s works. She had recently given a presentation at her school, talking about said short story.1

The narrator figure had committed a murder. He tried hard to conceil his deed. But his conscious made his heart bug him in a manner, forcing him finally to admit to his grisly crime.

I was obviously a bad liar. Like Poe’s narrator figure, I was sooner or later getting tracked down by my overwhelming bad conscious, making Zoey Brooks hate me for good.

The devil just laughed about this. “Then face your fate of becoming the laughingstock of future generations at this school. The time capsule is like a time bomb.”

The usual ritual started again.

The devil blew a devastating shower of fiery brim stone and charcoal ember at the angel.

The heavenly messenger fought back with his wings.

Why did the scent of burning ember always end up in my nose?

I coughed badly.

30.5  I was here two days from now

Mr. Bender was finally collecting our contributions fro the time capsule.

Quinn was the first to donate her contribution, a quinnvention. She explained, “I’ve overcome my sleeping problems with the help of the coconut essence. But the flask is not very durable. The essence would evade too fast. So I decided in favour of this invention.” She dropped the sleeping bomb into the chest.

I smiled.

It had been my idea.

But Quinn had locked the bomb. preventing it from ever exploding, right?

Mark was the next in the queue. He contributed a half-chewed salami.

Quinn explained, “I have conserved it in polyresine. Otherwise it would rot away within a few weeks and just leave a stink.”

We were all going to be grateful for that.

Lola stepped ahead. She sobbed. “I wanted to contribute a locket belonging to my deceased grandma. But it’s the last thing reminding me of her. We looked very similar, and now …” She broke into pitiful treas.

Mr. Bender was consternated. “It’s good, Lola! You have thought about the topic, and that’s all what counts. Noone here gets a bad mark, as all of you have demonstrated great efforts during the last days.”

I shrugged.

Lola walked back to Michael. “Acting,” whispered she.

Nicole dropped her cshirt into the chest.

Dana contributed a very curvy mannequin doll of herself, with a wig in her hair’s likeness.

Ashley Blake had helped her finding one.

Logan delivered the promised photograph of himself, with an inscription reading, “dedicated to the hot girls of the future.”

Along with Michael, I dropped our song.

My mental problems had only allowed for a very repetitive two-liner.

But Mr. Bender didn’t care about that.

Finally, Zoey’s short movie was tucked away into the chest.

Mr. Bender sealed the box.

Then we dug it into the soil.

In my mind, I had already been here in order to dig out the same capsule, just a few days after its concilation. But now I decided to let the capsule as it was.

We all walked away.

Back on the campus square, we heard an explosion coming from the very place of the time capsule.

Quinn went pale. She had forgotten to disctivate the detonation mechanism.

The capsule burst into pieces.

We dropped unconscious, or asleep, on sit.

Upon waking up, we were shocked.

Elementary school kids had already gathered the contents and were riddling about them.

But who had Zoey’s DVD?

Another nightmare had just started.

1
cf. Unfabulous :The Toot

Chapter 31  Class President

31.1  Shield maiden

Each grade had its own class president.

They were to be elected afresh , year after year.

Last year, girls were totally new at this school.

They had not yet been suggested for the office.

Alas, I had been tempted to suggest Zoey anyways. But I had been too much of a coward. Suggesting a girl unknown to anyone would have been inevitablly interpreted as having got an insensate crush on her. Well I had had that exorbitant crush on Zoey, almost going insane this way. But I had been too much of a coward to fess up.

This year, things were apparently different.

Zoey was totally popular and respected.

Nobody would have taken offense from someone suggesting her for class presidency.

Mr. Bender asked for suggestions.

I had no qualms lifting an arm and exclaiming, “I suggest Zoey Brooks!”

Zoey wanted to suggest me back.

But we were now officially dating.

Thus she refrained from doing so.

It would have been horribly awkward for either of us.

Nicole Bristow seconded my suggestion, against grunting Dana Cruz.

The two of them started punching each other.

Mr. Bender warned them one last time.

Dana jumped up. “I suggest Logan Reese!”

Nicole gasped. “Ouch!” She still thought of Logan as incredibbly cute, but she was disgusted by his jerkish demeanour.

Dana liked Logan, inspite of calling him a jerk as well. She admired jerks silently.

Logan beamed proudly.

Mr. Bender nodded. “Anyone seconding the nomination of Logan Reese?”

Logan’s roomie Brad grinned. “I do!”

Mr. Bender was looking for other canditates.

Quinn raised her hand. “Vote for Mark del Figgalo! He’s the perfect president for the class, for the United States, and for the universe!”

Mr. Bender shrugged. “Anyone seconding Mark del Figgalo?” He looked around.

Only after ten minutes, someone in the back row dared to lift his arm.

Mr. Bender was almost ready to close the list.

But then Nicholas Webber suggested, “Nicole Bristow!”

Nicole and Nicholas were still dating.

But Nicole was not very likely to be able to concentrate on a class speaker’s tasks.

But Zoey supported Nicole’s nomination, inspite of already being a canditate.

Last but not least, Michael felt encouraged to suggest Lola.

She was totally new at this school.

But her cuteness and her appearance in several well-known commercials for girls’ cometics lead to many pupils seconding for her sake.

There were thus five pupils to be chosen from: Lola, Zoey, Nicole, Mark, and Logan.

No other class had that many potential class presidents.

There was going to be a totally heated race.

And I supposed Logan to abuse his money for his own campaign.

But Zoey was tough enough to take up the challenge and fight for her cause like a true scandinavian shield maiden.

31.2  Fail with honour

Indeed, Logan had started bribing the fellow pupils in each imaginable manner. He distributed free berry smoothies.

According to Quinn, blackberries were not berries at all.

Thence Logan was a mean liar and cheater.

But this did not do anthing in order to decrease the ruthless jerk’s popularity.

Zoey didn’t want me to fight Logan with equally unfair means. She preferred to fail with due honour over succeeding with shameful means.

It was her decision.

I was really tempted to spread some filthy facts about Logan.

Once more, athe little and angel and the little devil fought over it on my shoulders.

The devil told me to treat Logan as deserved.

The angel remarked, “if you do something unfair, the voters will hold it against you.”

Of course, the devil replied, “only in the case of finding out.”

Sucking at conceiling my deeds from the eyes of the public, I listened to the angel. I had to try to remind the pupils of all the good thinngs achieved already by Zoey for their sake.

Zoey had brought Drake Parker to perform at last year’s spring fling.

Had Logan even tried to achieve anything like that? No, he hadn’t.

Quinn published the results of preliminary polls.

Logan was clearly up, followed by Lola.

Then there was Zoey.

Nicole and Mark were cut off by leagues.

This was embarrassing.

Having thought about Drake gave me an idea.

The pupils here adored Drake.

Getting him to vouch for Zoey was certainly going to help.

I took my phone and started calling the Parkers.

To my dismay, Drake wasn’t there.

Megan Parker received the call. She hated Logan and was ready to do ‘something’.

But Zoey was not necessarily likely to approve of Megan’s actions.

So, what was Megan up to?

I started shivering.

31.3  Horrific distortion

The day afterm some new yet vaguely familiar guy from the upper middle school classes addressed me. “Hi, Chase!”

I was puzzled.

He introduced himself as Eli Pataki.

Now I remembered him as one of Addie’s friends. “Aw, hi, Elias!”

Eli grinned. He had made it to this school upon Addie’s suggestion. “Last year, I had veen voted pupils’ speaker at Rocky Road. I think … Maybe there’s a way to let Zoey win without dirty laundry.”

I gasped. I should have met Elias earlier this month.

Now Megan was already doing it ‘her way’.

And nobody knew the details, let alone a way to dissuade her from wreaking havok.

Ashley Blake rushed my way. “Chase! I need a speech for my postulancy.” She wanted to become the speaker of Dustin’s classes.

I coughed.

Ashley reminded me, “you are my contracted playwright. You will also write my speech!”

I moaned, “OK, if you say so.”

Now there was some work to do.

“I’m an arrogant diva! Don’t dare to vote anyone else but me!”

That would have been a truthful speech for Ashley.

But nobody would have voted for her.

In other words, only by distorting facts in the most abhorrent manner was there a way to get Ashley voted.

Alas, this was not enough.

Ashley continued, “thinking thrice about it … I hate talking to the vulgar mob. You will deliver the speech for me.”

I shivered for excruciating agony.

But contradicting the little sister of a six-foot-four tank was hardly going to end up well.

Along came Jeremiah Trottman, a guy from some of my classes. He was the responsible reporter of our school tv and our school news, Daily Stingray.

I had already heard about his interviews.

They were not always pleasant.

Trottman asked, “so, according to you, why is Zoey going to lose her elections?”

I coughed. “the elections aren’t even over, You can’t ask those questions in advance!”

Trottman scratched his hollow head. He had probebly been told by Logan Reese to treat Logan’s adversaries in such a disrespectful manner. Then he continued, “oh. Miss Blake, you are a canditate for the fifth graders. I need to interview you for the school news …”

Of course, Ashley appointed me as responsible for answering for her.

I sighed deeply. “Miss Blake has been convincing in her last seven movies. Someone with such a stunning personality is, of course, optimally suited for a position involving such an elevated measure of responsibility.”

Trottman had forgotten to turn his microphone on.

I had to repeat everything. I sweated over and over.

Ashley grinned with excruciating glee.

I had to torture myself into giving more answers.

Ashley nodded solemnly, apparently content with my job.

31.4  Breathtaking reality

It was the last Saturday before the elections.

After breakfast, I crossed the campus. What did I get to see?

A van with Drake Parker and his equipment was about getting emptied.

I gasped upon insecting the shirts of one of Drake’s people.

They bore a writing: “Vote for Zoey!”

I did not understand the situation.

Eli Pataki grinned in an attempt to explain the reasons. “I’ve talked to Wendy, talking about my experiences in my office, and why Zoey appears to me as the most suitable for such a responsible job. She has thereupon persuaded Megan.”

I was still dazed.

Many kids flocked around Drake Parker in droves, shouting aloud.

Drake stood now in the centre of the campus, exposing his shirt. “It’s a matter of honour vouching for Zoey.”

Logan Reese went pale.

Drake announced a new song. “I’ll sing Hollywood Girl1.”

Most girls cheered aloud for Drake.

Nicole and Lola, inspite of competing with Zoey, were no exception.

Drake started finally singing.

My breath was taken away by the way things had tuerned out in reality.

But others’ breath was taken away by other things.

Drake walked past Lola.

The aspiring Hollywood actress squealed, “are you really such a good kisser? Rumours always say so.”

Drake turned around in the middle of his song. He walked over to Lola, grabbed her, and kissed her carefully onto the angle of her mouth. A few seconds later, he wondered, “does this answer your question, Lola Martinez?” He obviopusly recognised her from the short movies or commercials.

Our Hollywood blushed almost to death. Her breath had been taken away completely by the kiss of a real boy.

Michael Barret sighed for despair. He could not hold the dimmest candle to a superstar like Drake Parker. But he was happy for Lola.

Had Drake written that song just for Lola?

Lola couldn’t help grabbing Drake and kissing him back with equal vigour.

Flashlights turned the campus into a dry lightening storm.

Jeremiah Trottman had a sensational even to report. “A fledgling superstar kisses one of our girls!”

Zoey had been happy about Drake’s intervention. But now her face went pale.

The kiss had changed everything.

Drake’s shirt had told the pupils to vote for Zoey.

But his fluffy deeds told them to vote for Lola!

We had been totally moving from the ember into blast furnace.

31.5  A child’s truth

Lola won the elections with a landslide.

Ashley did the same in her classes.

I sat down next to Zoey in the grass. “Sorry. I didn’t want it to come like this.” I sobbed bitterly.

Zoey sighed. “It wasn’t your fault. And Lola may still be a good class opresident. Better than Logan, no doubt.” She shrugged helplessly.

I shivered.

Zoey continued, “or would you have preferred Drake kissing me instead of Lola?”

A shivering wave shot down my spine, making me shudder all over and over again.

I remembered my unbounded jealousy from last year, right after the spring fling.

My head was turning around.

Zoey wonderes, “too bad Drake is such a jerk. Will he dump Lola in a few weeks? I couldn’t do that. I know whom I prefer to kiss me.” She pluckered subtly with her lips.

I blushed. But I was still unable to do anything impure to that pure girl.

Zoey shrugged. She waved kindly at me and ran away. “Yoga classes!”

I sighed.

Ashley approached. Was she just going to thank me for my efforts in her electorial campaign?

That was hardly her style.

Maybe she was mad about Drake’s appearance? She had obviously hated him.

I moaned, “sorry for Drake. I know how much you hate him.”

Ashley glared aghast. “What? I tell you, I have been in love with Drake since my first visit to his cinema, Première, in San Diego.”

Now I was flabbergasted.

This was so unexpected.

Ashley sat down. “Drake is still so much too old for me, and I have to wait. But his kiss with Lola, my closest rival at Hollywood, was so …”

I didn’t know how to comfort Ashley.

“I can’t talk even to Vince about it,” admitted Ashley. “Only you know about my true feelings for Drake.”

I choked. “Vince is your brother, he should care about you.”

Ashley sighed. “He does. But he might beat up Drake for breaking my heart. But it is not Drake’s fault. To be five years older than me.”

I nodded sadly.

Ashley’s truth and my knowledge about it touched me deeply, as much as my ongoing uncertainties about Zoey.

Was she increasingly upset about my problems with kissing her?

It was so tricky.

1
song by Drake Bell Which I don’t own

Chapter 32  Halloween

32.1  Wailing shadows

The most spooky day of the year was there.

Before my days at Pacific Coast Academy, I had been horribly afraid of stuff like vampires, werewolves, witches, living shadows, and so on. Only slow had I come to back down from those fears.

Writing little poemms about ghosts, werewolves, and so on helped me tremendously.

There was a long tradition of Halloween parties at Pacific Coast Academy.

The high school freshmen were usually preparing a haunted house for the elemantary school kids.

Those used to be lame.

Alas, Logan Reese and Dana Cruz were up to changing this tradition in a stone crushing manner. “Kids like Dustin will run back into their mom’s belly after that!” He cackled diabolically.

Zoey was apparently not content with Logan’s boasting demeanour.

I decided to start a project competing with Logan’s haunted house.

It was sort of a mini theatre, dedicated to howling shadows.

Zoey nodded. “OK … I will test it in advance before letting Dustin and his friends visit it.”

I agreed with Zoey’s suggestion.

She was going to dress as Marilyn Monroe.

Lola was away over Halloween for shooting a live horror movie at the studio of Malcolm Reese.

Michael and Mark were going to help me.

Quinn was dressed as Albert Einstein, just as expected. She had decided to dress Mark as a mummy.

Mark was now sitting in a corner.

Quinn bandaged him with smelly cloth.

She applied so-called grizzly glue1 in order to keep his masquerade from falling apart down to Mark’s motion.

Of course, such a glue, invented recently by Cal, was hard to remove.

The patent was now in the hand of a firm with a factory in Bakersfield, a rapidly upscaling industrial centre in San Joaquin Valley.

But Quinn had been able to restore the formula from Cal’s hints, saving her from a trip into the dead zone.

Michael wrote a little scary tune for the play.

It was about Mark the mummy falling in love with a wailing shadow.

I was going to dress as a vampire and caring for the two of them to come together.

Ashley Blake stumbled in. “You dare to write a play without me as the female star?”

I gasped. “It’s just a little play for Halloween. Nothing worthy of Hollywood.”

Ashley’s gaze was harder than slaps across the face.

I gave in. “OK, You will play the shadow!” I had properly intended the shadow to be a real shadow, but cast by some inanimate doll, and with wailing sounds from a tape.

Ashley smirked for extreme satisfaction.

32.2  Her compassion is like a shadow

As announced, Zoey was inspecting my play.

I hoped her to like it, not just approve of it as being suited for Dustin.

My unspoken refusal to kiss her was otherwise a probably growing obstacle in our relationship.

I had donned my vampires costume.

Zoey came along. “Oh, it’s a play about a sorcerer.”

I gasped. “Where is there a sorcerer?”

Zoey looked flabbergasted. She pointed at me.

I shook my head. “Oh no, I’m not a sorcerer. I’m a vampire.”

Zoey’s breath froze.

She smirked.

I gasped. “What?”

Zoey explained, “you totally look like an average sorcerer, and not like a vampire.”

I was confused. I banged my head against the wall.

Zoey grabbed my wrists. “Chase! It wasn’t meant to annoy you.”

Alas, I was sad, anyways. “I wanted a vampire’s costume, and Lola gave me this one.”

Zoey shook her head. “Lola must have a bad taste for costumes.”

I shrugged cluelessly.

Zoeyb smiled. “Come on, I will make you a real vampire’s costume.”

I sighed. “You’re too sweet.”

Zoey smirked. “I know.”

Now I looked flabbergasted.

Zoey asked, “so, what is the deeper sense of your play?”

I shivered a bit. “Does it have a deeper sense?” I hadn’t had any in mind.

Zoey shook her head. “You don’t hire an exquisite child star like Ashley Blake for a pointless play.”

I sighed. I could not talk about Ashley’s secrets.

There was more to it than just knowing about her crush on Drake, against everyone believing in her wholehearted hostility towards that fledgling rock idol.

Everyone believed in Ashley as a cold-hearted diva without even a shade of compassion.

I knew it better. I had been slowly learning about it while writing plays for her.

A serious playwright just has to learn those things about the stars of his works.

Zoey poked me, urging me to start talking.

I stammered, “Ashley acts as a shadow. She expresses the shadow of the Mark’s compassion, lost compassion.” How had I been able to come up with anything like that?

Zoey gasped. “Wow! A mummy may have compassion?”

I nodded. “Well, really, it had been lost. But he’s recovering his compassion upon stumbling into Ashley.”

Zoey was impressed. “That’s really cool! Not even Stephanie King2 would have been able to write something like that.”

I looked aghast. “Who is Stephanie King?”

Zoey replied, “a maker of low budget horror movies.”

I grinned for satisfaction.

Zoey waved at me. “OK, this costume will look like a real vampire by tonight!” She walked away.

There were reeal vampires?

I started shivering.

32.3  Tragic shadow

I had finally donned my new vampire’s costume.

Dustin shivered upon seeing it.

Zoey had to comfort him. “It’s a tame vampire. He only bites jerks.”

Dustin shuddered, alonmg with his friends Henry3 and Jack.

‘Albert Einstein’ Quinn sat next to Zoey and Dustin. “Doesn’t Mark look particularly cute in this costume?”

Zoey nodded hypocritically.

In the case of Quinn, you could answer the right way.

But unmasked Mark was already so the opposite of cute …

Michael pushed a button, playing a little scary tune off the tape.

Generally, some of the kids were scared.

But everyone was secure in the knowledge about one thing:

It was just a stage play.

They were almost laughing about Mark’s outfit.

‘Quinnstein’ pouted. “I’ve worked on this masquerade for three hours straight!”

Having to concentrate on my play, I could not care.

The mummy could not even talk through the bandages, only scream in an incomprehensible manner.

Ashley was clad in black velvet.

Her eyes were matched by slits in the cloth.

The mummy was always calling, yelling, crying for his lost feelings.

But they did not come back.

Ashley’s figure was looming at a safe distance frome Mark’s, barely out of reach.

Then I intervened. I fluttered with my fake wings. I grabbed the mummy and guided it slowly to the dark shadow.

We looked very clumsy, but somewhat funny, anyways.

Finally, the tragedy was broken.

The mummy reached the shadow.

Quinn yelled, “don’t dare to kiss him!”

Of course, Ashley wouldn’t have done that without being paid for it.

Alas, the kids laughed even more, thinking of this as a part of the play.

Quinn finally intervened and used a strong chemical in order to loosen the glued bandages.

My tragical shadow was about turning into a comedy.

Suddenly a scream was heard from outside our stage. It came from the haunted house.

Michael grabbed me. “We’ve got to look for it!”

I just had to follow him.

32.4  No one could bleed that much and live

We had rushed into the haunted house.

Wendy and a few other kids had actually preferred Logan’s haunted house over my horror play.

Zoey tore my vampirical costume off me. “It’s terrible enough without you!”

Wendy Gellar and Sandy Baldwin, the younger sister of aforementioned Tracy, were standing like stone sculptures.

Brenda was quivering like aspen leaves.

Even Nicole was totally pale.

Zoey grabbed Logan. “What’s gouing on?”

Logan cackled and pointed at something lying in the darkness on the foor.

Zoey produced one of Quinn’s improved chemical light sticks and lit it.

I saw Lola lying on the floor in a totally unnatiural posture, devoid of motion.

A blood-red liquid stained her cloths and soaked the clay ground within a radius of two yards.

Zoey screamed at the top of her lungs.

I could not get it.

Lola could impossibly be still alive.

Who would have done anything like that to such a lovely aspiring actress like Lola Martinez?

And she wasn’t even supposed to be here, but rather in a Hollywood studio for Malcolm’s live horror show.

Suddenly, overhead lights went on.

What was that?

Lola stood up and smiled. “How was it?”

Logan smmiled. “Fantastic!”

Dana nodded solemnly.

Zoey’s jaw dropped to the floor and landed with an earth-quaking thud.

I stuck my finger into the warm red liquid. “Yummy!”

Zoey looked aghast into my face.

I explained, “cherry syrup, or maybe raspberry.”

Zoey tasted the same. She sighed for clamourous relief.

An adult man mered from some hideout. “According to Malcolm, everything is perfect.”

Lola grinned for excruciating glee.

Logan explained, “well, this was my dad’s live horror show.”

Lola nodded solemnly.

The adult man reported, “10 million viewers, according to first calculations.”

Lola bounced around like a racket ball.

It was her most glorious moment in her still young career as an actress.

32.5  Dragon of shadow

Alas, Ashley wasn’t pleased by this fact. She was totally envious concerning Lola’s immediate success.

I had to calm her down. “You are better for some roles, Lola is better for others.”

Ashley glared and pouted.

Her gaze was downright murderous, penetrating my frozen brain like a glowing knife.

I shrugged.

Ashley insisted in spicing up the Halloween play and submitting it to Malcolm Reese.

I couldn’t help promising to try doing that. I needed to think of something.

Ashley’s dragon-like demeanour inspired me.

I wondered, “do you think a shadow dragon would be scary enough?”

Ashley nodded. “Hurry up!”

Logan walked past up. “Hi, losers!”

I gasped. “ypu are way too dumb to think about such a scene, Whom did you pay for it?”

Logan whistled innocently. Then he disappeared.

Alas, Dustin had done some research and let Zoey know about it.

My sweetheart explained, “Logan must have copycated the whole thing from a recent low-budget short movie by Stephanie King.”

I didn’t get it.

Logan had plagiarised a fledgling amateur short movie maker with very low budget, just in order to scare us to death and impress his father with an idea.

That was really mean.

This stoked my motivation in order to make a better short movie about a shadow dragon in order to outdo the jerk and make him pay dearly.

Quinn lent me her hand-made camera with scientific functions for the movie.

Logan was so going to rue it.

I had never come to write a play faster than this one.

Likewise, Zoey was going to inform Stephanie King.

She would hardly dare to sue spoilt rich brat Logan over that. But she deserved to know about it, anyways.

Dustin happened to know Stephanie’s cousin Bernice Livinghocker4, a student from James K. Polk’s, from the mathletic regionals.

But what was really going to happen?

1
cf. Victorious : Tori The Zombie
2
cf. Bigtime Rush : Big Time Horror
3
cameo in Zoey 101 : Bad Girl
4
cf. Ned’s Declassified SSG : New Kid

Chapter 33  Trisha Kirby

33.1  Kidnapped innocence

A few weeks later, after Thanksgiving break, I walked the campus, along with Zoey, Quinn, and Lola.

We found Dustin and his friends Max, Henry, and Jack.

The other boys were cackling.

Overprotective Zoey wondered, “what’s going on?”

Dustin feigned innocence.

Max squealed, “Dustin has got a new girlfriend.”

Zoey grunted, “whom?”

Dustin urged ghis friends to shut up.

But Max failed to keep his mouth closed. “it’s Trisha Kirby1!”

Max, Henry, and Jack ran away, leaving Dustin behind.

Zoey was consternated. “That loose wench?”

Trisha was agewise in the middle between us and Dustin. She had already seduced and abused several boys.

Apparently, Dustin was her current victim.

Zoey feared her to exercise a very bad influence on her baby pet. “If you date one like Trisha, all girls will run for you, never leaving you in peace.”

Dustin squealed for delight. “Cool! That’s really fantastic. Tonight I’m going to go to cinema with Trisha, and thereafter, who knows …”

Zoey went as pale as a flake of fresh snow. She was in particular worried about the thereafter.

I didn’t worry about Dustin. “A boy like him has to go througfh the experiences a guy has to go through.”

Zoey protested. “But not at his age! He’s still too young and innocent. Trisha is going to steal everything off him and then drop him like a hot potato.”

I wondered, “how do you know in advance?”

Zoey talked about her sisterly instinct.

Arguing over that with her was absolutely in vain.

I had to go a different way for now.

Ashley followed me. “Chase, I need another play.” She always did.

I asked her. “OK. Do you know about Dustin and Trisha Kirby?”

Ashley nodded in a cold manner. Upon my successive request, she told me about the relevant events in her chemistry classes. “Trisha behaves impossibly in the laboratory. She blows up everything. Henry, her involuntary partner, was desperate. Mr. Gangrel, our teacher, thence assigned Dustin as Trisha’s partner. Knowing him as very acribical and conscientious, he deemed Dustin right for keeping Trisha at Bay, especially during his absence. And then it happened.”

I had listened carefully, nodding on and off. “The lab blew up?”

Ashley shook her head. “Not yet. Trisha started flirting with Dustin. And he was defenseless. She gave him her number, writing it onto his skin.”

I shuddered.

Ashley waved and ran away.

33.2  Heart of a child

Zoey had urged me once more to talk some sense into Dustin.

Anyways, I was still unable to see anything wrong with Dustin and Trisha.

Dustin was still searching for his way and for the type of girl suiting him most.

I had been writing a lot about this, unfortunately almost always in abandoned plays.

Recently, Ashley forced me more and more to bring a play to an end.

I still didn’t always succeed.

But I remembered most of my plans, anyways.

Needless to say, not being convinced of my task made this attempt of ‘making Dustin more resposnsible’ as impossible as lighting fire by rubbing two thoroughly soap-soaked pieces of wood against each other.

The result was exactly the contrary of Zoey’s proper intentions.

Dustin was more and more convinced of becoming a greater girls’ man than even Logan Reese.

Zoey now forced me to talk to Trisha.

She was sitting on the rim oof the campus fountain and sorted some coins. She was not throwing them into the fountain, as suggested by some old superstition, but she was collecting them off the well.

I said, “you know, Dustin is just turning eleven.”

Trisha shrugged. “So what?”

I sighed. “He’s fairly young, don’t you think so?”

Trisha shrugged again. “Why?”

I tried to explain, “maybe older boys are more into stuff you are looking for, such as making out and kissing.”

Trisha turned around and beamed. “Is that so?”

I nosdded solemnly. I appear to have struck a chord in the loose lass. I smiled for glee.

Trisha jumped up. “Now I know what you mean. Older boys, such as … you!”

I tried to shake my head. “I am already dating Zoey, and you know that.”

Trisha grunted, “Zoey is a very boring girlfriend. Otherwise you would kiss her.”

I sighed. “this has got completely different reason.” Alas, I was unable to explain the reasons for my reluctance with respect to kissing Zoey brooks.

Trisha didn’t understand them anyways. “You may be dating Zoey, but you are looking for a real woman like me, not for a holy virgin.”

I went totally pale.

What was I able to reply?

Trisha grunted, “it’s all in ‘your girlfriend’s’ DVD.”

I was consternated.

Trisha had seen Zoey’s DVD or come to hear about its contents. She threw her arms around me.

I was too consternated to struggle against her tightening grip.

She pulled me closer and closer.

Some kids may have seen us in this situation.

Zoey was going to be jealous and trash me, leaving me in the dust bin of history.

Even worse, Dustin was going to hate me forever for having made Trisha break his heart.

This was so disgusting.

I threw up.

Trisha pulled away from me.

But it was probably too late for getting away with a black eye.

33.3  Little girl’s downfall

During the following days, I avoided carefully both Trisha and Zoey, let alone Dustin.

Michael had tried hard to get me to talk to Zoey about the situation.

But I lacked the gutrs to do so.

Michael started slowly to believe in the rumours caused by Zoey’s DVD.

The situation was horrible.

The thought of everyone thinking to know the reasons for my refusals to kiss Zoey was pinch binding and clamping my veins and my nerves to no end.

In the cafeteria, I could only see shadows.

Suddenly, Trisha approached me.

Her hair was styled differently then usual.

She said, “Chase, I have to talk to you.”

Her voice was unusually sweet.

But I was still seized by fits of panic and ran away like a rocket. Alas, I stumbled.

Ashley walked past me. She commanded one of her class mates, propably even a fanboy, to help me stand up. She was too diva-like to do that. “Chase, are you hiding from Trisha?”

I nodded carefully.

Ashley goggled. “This is not Trisha, it’s her ‘normal’ sister Melanie2.”

I gasped.

Ashley pushed me into Melanie’s direction, rather, she commanded her fanboy to do that.

I excused myself upon reaching Melanie. “Sorry, I mistook you for …”

Melanie replied, “Trisha, or better, Samantha Puckett?” She smiled and told me to sit down.

I sighed. “So, what’s going on?”

Melanie explained, “I’m Melanie. Sam and I, we are twins. We come from a very bad family from downtown Seattle. Most of our relatives died in prison or disappeared hiding from the cops, especially our dad.”

I gasped. “Sorry!”

Melanie continued. “due to a state program, we have been sent to this school in order to become decent girls. I had to struggle hard. Sam isn’t yet so far. She had been assigned a fake name. Mr. Kirby3, our math teacher, holds temporary guardianship over us. Alas, he has got a hard time with Trisha. She’s here since Thanksgiving and already so close to getting expelled again.”

I gasped.

Melanie begged. “Sam is close to flunking this last chance. In Seattle, she will most likely and up as a tomboyish street hooker. I don’t want that. She needs to stay here. She needs friends like you and Zoey in order to get out of the pitchy swamp.”

I sighed deeply. I pitied the Puckett sisters, including Trisha. Then I promised Melanie to take care of all that.

She thanked and smiled.

33.4  Shallow grave

I crossed the campus, stumbling upon a muddy spot in the soil.

Theis ground had previously been chosed for our time capsule.

Alas, Quinn’s invention had rendered us unconscious.

Kids had stolen the capsule or its contents.

Trisha must have heard others talk about it.

But many kids were fully aware of Zoey’s words.

Alas, I wasn’t.

This made me totally angry. I should have listened to the little devil commanding me to dig the soil and see Zoey’s DVD before the entombment.

But the grave was robbed, like Egyptian pyramids.

My life, my hope, and my future had altogther been sealed away in the coffin.

Now little predators were feasting on my decaying shredded remains.

I was about shedding many a tear, making the ground get soaked with salent water.

Lola walked along. “Hi Chase!”

I sighed. “Lola? Has Lola sent you in order to rub salt into my wounds?”

Lola didn’t exactly understand. Like almost all others , she had assumed me to have cheated on Zoey with Trisha, deeming the latter as a real girl and Zoey as an untouchable holy virgin. But she assumed me to be able to regret everything. “I will talk to Zoey, should you rue your adulterous deeds.”

I gasped. “I haven’t tried to do anything with Trisha, honestly. I was just unable to defend myself.”

Lola shrugged. “So, what do you really feel for Zoey?”

I explained, “she is so perfect. I wouldn’t want anyone else. I just don’t feel yet worthy of touching her.”

Lola sighed deeply. “I have once tried out for a similar situation in a movie. It was based on Herman Melville’s Pierre Or The Ambiguities.”

“Melville rings a bell. That’s the guy from Moby Dick,” replied I.

Lola nodded. “I don’t know that other novel. The director told me about it. I only know Shakespeare well, I mean, his works. He isn’t living anymore , ain’t he?”

I nodded. “Correct. He’s somewhere in his tomb, unless it got looted like our time capsule.”

Lola grinned sarcastically. She promised to talk to Zoey about it. “It’s pne of my duties as a class pressie, ain’t it?”

I nodded solemnly. I guess so!

She smiled and walked away. She also believed my words about Sam and Melanie. She had often been confusaed with some of her female relatives, such as her little sisters Shelby4 and Viviana 5, her cousins Victoria Vega and Tamara Deison6.

I waved after her and sighed deeply.

33.5  Touched by an angel

Two days later, I came to see Zoey again in the cafeteria.

She had to talk to me. She didn’t kill me on site.

I assumed Lola and Zoey to have had a conversation, based on my recent talk with Lola. I dared to sigh for some relief.

Zoey started. “Sorry for accusing you of having cheated on me. Lola has told me everything.”

I panted heavily. “So … you believe me?”

Zoey nodded clearly. “It wasn’t easy, though. But now we can be friends again. We shouldn’t be dating, though.”

I gasped.

Zoey explained, “see, I have assmed not to be good enough for your expectations. Now I know this not to be the case. It’s quite the contrary. You think me too good and show a lot of respect for me. Way too much. But this makes us not peers. And I don’t want to be treated like an angel. I’m no less a girl than Lola or Nicole. ”

I sighed. “Have I said anything to the contrary?”

Zoey shook her head. “You don’t have to say it. You feel so. And , after all, I may now feel what you feel.”

I sobbed and nodded at last. “OK … friends!”

Zoey smiled.

I wondered, “how is Dustin taking it all?”

Zoey sighed. “He is now over Trisha. He is too sensitive to support a dishonest and promiscuous girlfriend. Ashley has enlightened him , in her ice cold manner, as well.”

I wondered, “what will happen to Trisha? Melanie asked me …”

Zoey nodded. “I pity her, thence I’m going to teach her discipline and manners in order to beware her from ending up the way feared by Melanie. I hope to be patient enough. It won’t be easy.” She ran a few thingers smoothly through my bushy hair.

This must have been the touch of an angel.

I smiled peacefully.

1
identifies Trisha from Zoey 101 : Bad Girl with Samantha Puckett from iCarly
2
cf. iCarly : iTwins
3
cf. Zoey 101 : Defending Dustin
there’s no connection between them in the canon
4
from iCarly : iFight Shelby Marx
5
from True Jackson VP : True Crush
6
from Spectacular!

Chapter 34  Chase-And-Michael Show

34.1  All sorts of complicated

As aforementioned, our school had its own TV channel, run by Jeremiah Trottman.

But, as per entertainment, PCA TV used to be excessively lame.

Thus Michael had got the idea of making our own web show, “it’s as easy as … we look into a web can and say something.”

I stuttered, “and everyone will see us?”

Michael nodded. “isn’t that great?”

I wondered, “but we may see them,too? Like in Quinn’s two-way TV?”

Michael scratched his head. “No, I don’t think so. That would be hundreds of kids!”

I gasped. “We’ll be seen by hundreds of kids? Wow! I mean, that was the case in school theatre, but they were right in front of us.”

Michael bounced around. He had borrowed a web cam from Quinn Pensky and placed it in front of us.

I started getting nervous.

Drake had recently told me about some strange event.

Josh had been invited to do the weather forecast on his dad’s behalf. He was incredibly nervous due to knowing about the danger of getting terribly embarrassed.

Megan had taunted him with that.

Josh had not been unable to withstand the preessure. He had sweated all over.

Megan had put it onto the interweb, turning Josh into a laughingstock. 1

This was terrible.

Michael had had some trouble finding the right button.

Quinn’s web cam was particularly complicated.

There was a red button labeled “green”, a gree button labeled “blue”, and an unlabeled blue button.

Touching either of those caused a squaking noise and flashing lamps.

My bones and my marrow cramped excessively from the penetrating sound.

But we supposed to be online.

Michael wondered, “shouldn’t we have counted down, from five to one, as the directorrs of Malcolm Reese always do?”

I shrugged.

Michael continued, “on the other hand, I don’t like the one, it is so uncool.”2

“You are uncool,” I replied.

Mark yawned in the background.

We had not expected him to be here.

But it was his dormitory room, as well.

We had prepared some handmade cartoon, using Quinn Pensky’s Toonmaker.

The cartoons featured caricatured versions of Michael and myself.

Alas, we had not yet got the hang out of it.

Like the web cam, Quinn’s programs were terribly complicated in many a conceivable sense.

But we appeared to get it somewhat done.

Our first episode of Chase-And-Michael-Show was complete.

We were now looking forward to reading the critics.

34.2  I offer no excuses

The next morning, we were looking into our school newspaper, the Daily Stingray.

Was there aleready an article about us?

Michael was already disappointing upon not finding us on the title page, complete with a large screen shot.

The title article was about Vince Blake’s new underwear.

Vince was our football team’s quarterback and thence quite often in the spotlights.

This was hardly a surprise.

But did they have to go that far?

I shuddered for disgust.

There was also a long article about the new wallpaper in Dean Rivers’s office.

Most of the paper was dedicated, just as usual, to the results and previews of our many sports teams.

Jeremiah Trottman was responsible for those pages.

At last there was something about our show.

I spotted it squeezed between cooking recipes and sales requests.

We gasped for dismay.

The reporter, one Robert Shapiro, scribbled, “this is the lamest excuse of a web show ever seen on the face of this planet.”

But, honestly, there was not much of a reason for us to contest the judgment.

Our show was just, plain and simple, bad.

We had not really prepared anything.

Well, fortunately not everyone had seen that article.

We hoped for the nect episodes to be a lot better. But we had to work hard on that.

Logan walked past us. He gaggled manically, “The loser show!”

I grubnted angrily, “shut up!”

Michael had to calm me down and prevent me from hitting Logan over his head.

I would have flunked it anyways and caused some ‘colateteral damager’.

Logan never read newspapers. He hated reading.

How did he know that?

Probably, our crappy show must have already been subject of rumours.

Those spread like wildfire on our campus.

Quinn and Mark passed by.

Quinn comforted her ‘future husband’. “It’s not your fault being forced to live with rto lamers.”

We sighed for despair.

Zoey walked up to us. She tried excruciatingly hard to remain somewhat polite. “Maybe my grandma would love to see something like that. I should make a video of it and send it to her.”

I shrugged helplessly.

It was lame, lame, lame.

34.3  Face down I cry

I was now hiding in my room.

The failed enterprise Chase-and-Michael Show was too hard to swallow and digest in one piece.

I had already thrown up thrice.

Now my stomach was too empty for repeating the same thing.

Michael wasn’t feeling much better.

His head was hanging ’neath his knees.

I pressed my face hard against the pillows, weeping like a little baby.

There was a voice at the door.

Apathetical Mark del Figgalo slouched to the door in order to open it.

Ashley stood there, holding a half-peeled banana in her brittle hands. “I could use another play. This time, it should feature my extremely sweet smile.” She swallowed a bit of her banana.

I would have coughed about this.

Ashley’s ‘smile’ was even colder than the iceberg sinking the Titanic.

But I had to do it, no matter what.

Michael seemed to have an idea. “Ashleym you are a very opopyular upscaling actress, ain’t you?”

Ashley smirked. “Of course!”

Michael asked, “would you please perform in our web show?”

Ashley’s face cramped at whim. “What? Are you crazy? Performing in the lousiest web show ever would be suicide for my career.”

I shrugged helplessly.

Michael sobbed.

Ashley continued, “only inept actresses like Lola Martinez would ever want to perform in such a crappy show. I can do better. Have a nice day!” She had now eaten the rest of her banana. She flang the peel away, making it land on top of Mark del Figgalo’s head with a thud.

Mark’s eyes were now covered by one strand each of the banana’s peel.

He looked aghast.

Ashley was gone.

And so was our last hope, at least for the time being.

But I had got an idea. “Why not do exactly that … let’s ask Lola Martinez to perform in our show?”

Michael scratched his head. “You mean Lola has got less pride than her colleague Ashley?”

I sighed. “At least she isn’t such an arrogant and spoiled vixen.”

Michael shrugged. “That sounds like something worth a try.”

I nodded solemnly.

WE walked out in order to goo and look for Lola.

Mark whimpered, “could any of you remove the thing off my head? I can’t see much.”

I shrugged and grabbed the peel off Mark, shuddering with disgust. I let it drop into the trash bin and walked out.

34.4  Hold still, I’m trying to kill you

The next evening, Lola came with us. “It is like TV, you say?”

I nodded.

Lola continued, “in other words, I may be seen by many, many people at the same time?”

Michael grinned. “Sure, Lola!”

The fledgling star actress smiled with increasing glee.

Quinn had been following us. She wanted to fetch Mark for dinner.

Mark del Figgalo was unable to talke care of his schedule.

It was all written down in his laptop.

But he had no clue as of using such a miracle of modern technique appropriately. He thought of being in the laptop meaning to be retrieved by means of screwing open the case of the lap top and searching between all those chips.

Michael showed Lola the webcam.

Quinn was flabbergasted. “What are you doing with my webcam?”

I protested, “you’ve allowed us to use it.”

Quinn nodded. “But you are not using it properly. You only use one tenth of its potential, if not less.”

Michael and I looked consternated. But we should have expected it.

Quinn continued, “it seems you need a competent tech producer for your web show.” She grabbed the web cam and started taking over.

I started talking. “Welcome to our web show. Today, Hollywood star Lola Nartinez will playe a little skit for you. Applause for Lola!”

Michael triggered some fake applause, using a tool invented earlier by Quinn.

Lola grinned. She held a banapple in her hands. “Yummy, a banapple!” She made the banan tremble and twitch in her hand.

Quinn pushed a playback button, releasing the ‘voice’ of the living banana.

The obnoxious fruit started insulting Lola. “Your face is ugly!”

Lola grunted. “You shouldn’t have said that! Now I’m going to eat you!”

Unfortunately, the banapple slipped off Lola’s hand and started bouncing across the dorm.

Lola took a knife ad a fork and complained, “wait! I’m going to kill you.”

Alas, the banapple fruit jumped up and down.

Lola tried several times to grab it. But she failed miserably, stabbing all other sorts of things with her eating tools. Finally she gave up.

Suddenly, the banapple peeled itself.

The edible part landed automagically in Lola’s open mouth.

The peel fell once more on top of Mark’s head.

Quinn activated some artificial hysterical laughter.

I grinned. “This was our skit The girl and the Banana. Next week, Lola will perform a scene Shakespeare’s Macbeth. Thanks for watching!”

Now we had to hope for more merciful critics.

34.5  Amusingly inconsequential

The next day, we looked into the Daily Stingray.

As usual, it started with a big picture of a popular member of one of our athletic teams.

But right on page 3, there was something about our show.

Mark read for us. “This was the most funny thing ever shown on the campus of Pacific Coast Academy. We’ve seen a rising star on the sky of Hollywood: Lola Martinez! We all recomend this show. See you again next Wednesday at eight.”

Michael gasped.

The public opinion changed faster than a flash of lightening.

Zoey cheered for usd. “Wow! You’ve really got the hang out of it. May I show my latest fashion designs on your show?”

I asked, “for grandma?”

Zoey shook her head. “Teen fashion, of course. My designs are cool, your show is cool. The teenagers here love it,”

I smiled. “What do you want to present anyways?”

Zoey grinned. “Nothing special. I have started making plaid socks, with different colours. I still think something’s missing to it. But it may be cool, anyways.”

I nodded solemnly.

Dustin rushed in. “Zoey! Hi, Chase!”

I greeted the little bugger.

Dustin explained, “I want to sell my old books for children. I’m now eleven years old and ready to read more interesting ones. Maybe some viewer of Chase’s show wants to buy them off me.”

I nodded solemnly. “But of course!”

Micxhael suggested, “we could charge money for this kind of stuff.”

Zoey glared at Michael.

He modified his opinion, “But not from elementary school kids. Certainly from older ones.”

Zoey nodded solemnly.

Ashley stumbled in. “Chase! When will be my great performance in the Chase-And-Michael Show?”

I gasped.“Wouldn’t that be suicide for your career?”

Ashle glared at me in an outrageusly toxic manner.

Some people change their opinion faster than others.

I had to consent Ashley her spot in our show, as well.

But how to reconcile having Lola and Ashley perform in the same show?

They were bitter rivals.

Yet we decided to give it a try, anyways.

1
cf. Drake & Josh : Blues Brothers
2
cf. Fredward Benson’s judgment throughout iCarly

Chapter 35  Chicken Pox

35.1  A bitter pill

The nurse’s station of the Pacific Coast Academy has aleady been mentioned on certain occasions.

All kids hated the evil nurse.

She stuffed us with terribly bitter medications and tortured us with a horror legth of a syringe and other cruel tools.

None of us could help thinking about the station with dismay and disgust.

And this time of the year, an epidemical wave of chicken pox had seized the Pacific Coast Academy.

Dustin was one of the first victims.

I was incredibly sad for him.

Fortunately, Zoey had promised to look after him each day after classes.

Why had Quinn not invented a means against chicken pox? Wait, she probably had done so.

But Zoey would not have wanted her to use it on Dustin.

I had already gone through that disease before my arrival at Pacific Coast Academy.

Unfortunately this was not the case for Michael and Mark.

Thus I had to be careful whenever dragging stuff from sick pupils to my room.

Michael and Mark could have caught the chicken pox at whim.

In the case of Mark turning sick, Quinn would have killed first me for doing that to her sweetheart, and then Mark with a cure for that illness, be it bitter pills, electroshocks, and so on.

Zoey bounded in. “Dustin’s roomies have already gone through the disease earlier on. But he doesn’t want to return to his dorm, anyways.”

I gasped. “That’s impossible! Everyone is happy for being allowed to leave the lion’s den. No pupil may stabnd the fury of a nurse.”

Zoey whistled innocently.

I wondered, “what do you mean?”

Zoey shrugged “Nothing. By the way, Dustin has asked me an important question.”

I wanted to know, “what question?”

Zoey explained, “is it possibly to spread chicken pox by kissing?”

I shrugged. “Ask Quinn! She’s the nerd.”

Zoey glared at me and grabbed me. “Why does he ask so? He must have kissed a girl, as of recent. His dirty affair with Trisha Kirby is already over since december. There must be another girl.”

I scratched my bushy hair. “You think so? Do little boys ask those questions after that?”

Zoey nodded vigorously. She was totally hell bent on finding out.

I wondered, “so why don’t you ask Dustin?”

Zoey grabbed me, “you will do so!”

I gasped. I was still Zoey’s slave.

Protests were futile …

I was forced to go and ask Dustin.

35.2  When death’s lips left mine

I entered the nurse’s station.

Dustin smiled and whistled merrily.

This was not typical for a victim of bitter pills and lkong, pointy syringes.

A nurse showed up. She was not the usual fury, but a lot younger and nicer.

Dustin grinned, “this is my new nurse, Shannon!”

I smiled and waved at her.

This explained Dustin’s good mood.

But I had to accomplish a mission imposed by Zoey. “OK, Dustin, chicken pox are very contagious. So, whom have you kissed since your infection?”

Dustin gasped.

Maybe I should not have been that direect? I sighed. “Sorry, Zoey forced me to ask you.”

Dustin remined silent.

I wondered, “or maybe you just don’t want to get the nurse contract the chicken pox?”

It was very dary to assume Dustin having a crush on a woman around thirty.

But Drake Parker’s step-brother Josh had a crush on a woman of like fifty years.

Dustin shook his head. “nurses have to be immune to common kids’ diseases. That’s a law here at Pacific Coast Academy.”

I shrugged. “Good to know …”

But this didn’t answer the question proper.

I kept on glaring at Dustin.

Alas, this just made a clown of myself.

But Dustin was ready to tell me in whispers.

I stepped closer.

Dustin told me, “OK, I’ve kissed Ashley Blake, just before discovering the pimples.”

I gasped for dismay.

The step from Trisha Kirby to Ashley Blake was a jump from the frying pan into the kettle of boiling watter.

How could Dustin have done something like that?

I shuddered.

Dustin explained, “Ashley was cold as ice. Rather, as cold as death.”

This was nothing new.

She had always been like that, no matter what.

I stammered, “so, the two of you are now dating?”

Dustin looked aghast. “Ashley wouldn’t even date me with Zoey’s approval.”

I shrugged.

Ashley had always treated Dustin in a very distanced manner.

I whispered, “so how did you come to kiss?”

Dustin explained, “that’s easy. Ashley was practising for a new play, involving a kiss. And she needed someone to practise with. It was like dying, but colder. Fortunately, it didn’t last long.”

Ashley was never tired of trying new plays.

I asked, “what is the name of the play?”

Dustin scratched his chin, inspite of not being allowed to scratch the pimples. “Kiss On A Spring Evening”

I gasped.

That was not just one of the plays Ashley was practising for. It was one of the plays written precisely for Ashley, by no other than the one and only … Chase Bartholomew Matthews.

I felt totally miserable.

But maybe that wouldn’t have been all that bed.

Shannon would have nursed me healthy again.

This was definitely a better place, compared to bearing Mark del Figgalo’s nocturnal monologues.

But for the time being, I managed slouching out again.

Ashley was better staying healthy.

Otherwise, Vince woould kill Dustin for getting his little sister sick by a kiss. And he was going to kill me for having written that play.

35.3  Kisses of a night terror

I was back in my dorm.

Michael wanted to know a few details.

I started talking about the new nurse.

Michael started swooning to no end. “She must be incredibly hot!”

I replied, “but you haven’t yet caught the chicken pox. They are highly contahious. You won’t want to be in a room with Dustin and the other sick kids.”

Michael shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind getting sick for Shannon.” He whistled innocently. But what was he up to?

I had to activate my laptop.

Kiss On A Spring Evening was still saved there. It was not a very long play.

And the kiss was even more metaphorical.

Michael suggested, “Replace kiss with kill, and everything should be fine.”

I grinned. “That sounds cool!”

But then the whole genre was going to be changed.

Kill On A Spring Evening sounded like an impatient muurderer, unable to wait for the cover of the night.

And all that was supposed to happen on a calm may evening.

May is a month of love and life, not of death and destruction.

I’d also have been forced to chnge spring to fall, for that matter.

This was in demand of a lot of effort.

And my task had been that of emphasising Ashley’s sweet smile.

I was not supposed to emphasise her cold heart.

I wasn’t going to sleep that night.

The words kiss and kill were going to haunt my head badly, making it spin round and round like a record, or like the whole world.

How had Dustin even been able to survive Ashley’s kiss?

In connection with the cold-hearted diva, kiss and kill were definitely synonymous.

It was going to be one endless night terror.

35.4  Trembling cold

Next morning, Michael was covered all over with disgusting pimples.

A cup of paint and other things were lying right next to him.

I had to drag him, covered in thick rags, into the nurse’s station.

He had to be stuck into one of the free beds. He whimpered like crazy, calling for the nurse. He swooned to no end upon spotting the young auxiliary nurse.

Shannon was worried. “OK, I will call the responsible nurse.”

Michael gasped. “Responsible nurse?”

Dustin waved at us. He explained, “nurse Shannon is only responsible for the elementary school kids. Whereas for you high school freaks …”

I shrugged helplessly.

Suddenly, the old disgusting fury stood in the door, yelling at michael.

My pal trembled and shivered. He felt suddenly a whole lot colder.

The nurse walked over to a cupboard, taking some syringe with a particularly long needle.

Michael screamed for his life.

But it was for no avail.

The living shrapnel tied him down to a bed. Then she stuffed some smelly pills into his mouth.

Michael was going to be so mad at me for having failed to mention the detail about the distribution of the tasks of various nurses here.

Of course, those details were new to me as well.

The door went open again.

Vince and Ashley stood in the door.

Ashley’s face was covered with chicken pox.

Even a healthy Ashley Blake caused people around her to feel a lot colder. And in her current state, she was even more terrifying.

An icy gust seized all of us.

Ashley had probably alreasty told Vince about Kiss on A Spring Evening.

This increased my horror.

I was now so due for getting pounded into oblivion by the bully quarterback. I had to flee.

The way out through the door was blocked.

Thus I jumped through the window.

The shivering cold had made me particularly clumsy.

I fell through the window, unable to keep balance.

Ouch!

Even Vince Blake wouldn’t have hurt me all that much.

35.5  Antiseptic air

I woke up a few hours later.

The germ-killing smell of the air was more intense than in the nurse’s station.

It must have been a real hospital.

My limbs were all in plaster cast.

Every bone hurt.

A man in white approached me. “I’m Dr. Birnbaum1, St. Illness2 hospital.”

Why was I treated here anyways?

Zoey stumbled in.

I smiled.

Zoey asked, “what sort of stupidities are you committing?”

I sighed deeply and started telling the long story.

Zoey explained, “the nurses in the school’s station have not yet received instructions in intravenous injections.”

“This had never bithered the old nurse,” I objected.

Zoey nodded. “Shannon needed to remind her of that. And that was after you’ve already been tortured to no end by the fury’s treatment. I saw that while visiting Dustin. Then I informed Dean Rivers. He has now fired the disgusting monster. We will soon get our own doc, my uncle Glazer3. Until then, nearby hospitals such as this one will accept the sick high-school kids.”

I smiled. “Is that any good?”

Zoey shrugged. “He can be a bit weird.”

According to Dr. Birnbaum, I was going to leave hospital within the next week.

I desperately wanted to get rid of the scent filling the hospital’s air here.

But then again, Vince was probablyb still incredibly mad for the play getting Ashley sick.

Zoey shook her head. “Vince just insists in Ashley getting another play, as soon as possible, one praising her the cuteness of her face with all the chicken pox pimples.”

I sighed deeply. “So my whole efforts for the Kiss On A Spring Evening were for naught?”

Zoey replied, “I wouldn’t say that.”

I looked puzzled.

Zoey yelled, “Lola!”

I would have banged my head against the wall.

But this was impossible, down to all the casts and strings and so on.

Lola Martinez marched in. “Hi, Chase! I want to be the star of your play.”

Her sweet and bubbly smile made her like perfect for the rôle anyways.

The three of us hi-fived on site.

Alas, Lola could not start practising righ away.

Signs of chicken pox had just started adorning her brittle arms.

1
mentioned in Drake & Josh : Helen’s Surgery
2
mentioned in Drake & Josh : Treehouse
3
various cameos in Drake & Josh

Chapter 36  Wired For Battle

36.1  Dragons in your eyes

Not much later, upon our recovery from various diseases, we, viz. Lola, Zoey, Michael, and I, had came together in order to discuss a serious point.

The science club was participating in the battle robot league.

Girls like Quinn were not allowed in the club.

This was a rule established by gynephobe Wayne Gilbert aka Firewire.

Now Zoey had been incredibly daring and challenged arrogant Firewire. She swore to be able to find someone to build her a battle robot able to destroy Firewires.

Wayne Gilbert and his pals Neill and Andrew had cackled with excruciating glee.

Zoey was now asking us for our ideas for such a robot.

Lola grew a picture of it.

It should have been strong and agile, and breathe flames like an earth wyrm, and it should have had sensor-driven weapons.

Already looking at it should have been scary and intimidating.

Lola painted the robot with menacing eyes and dagger-sharp teeth like a dragon.

I shuddered upon looking at the tin dragon.

Of course none of the four of us was able to even think about building such a horrifying machine.

But Quinn was certainly able to do something. Unfortunately, she had got remorses. “I can’t build such aggressive stuff. It’d be really mean.”

“Excluding you from the science club is not mean?” wondered Zoey in turn.

Quinn was seized by fits of her own wrath. “Hell it is!” She promised to help her roomies.

Lola and Zoey smiled gleefully.

Quinn picked up her cellular phone and started entering some number. “Hi Cal! It’s Quinn Pensky.”

Cal grinned. “Aw Quinn, nice to hear you again. What do you need today?”

Quinn started with a long list of materials wanted by her robot project. She menrtioned especially Tantalium, some extremely rare and robust metal.

I didn’t know that.

But Cal’s answer didn’t sound wholly encouraging. “OK, I don’t have all of this here at our labs. I need to contact laboratories in Australia for the tantalium. Let’s say, 20,000 bucks might be in it.”

Zoey’s face went pale like a polar bear.

She could not afford anything like that.

I looked into my pockets. “Fifty bucks and a half-chewed bubble gum.”

Zoey glared at me. “Egad!”

I shrugged helplessly.

Michael and Lola were not uch better off.

Zoey asked, “Logan Reese could loan us the bucks.”

Quinn grunted, “he’s force us to call the robot something like Loganuctor or something equally stupid. Not without me!”

I shrugged. “Yeah, Logan has been really mean, as of recent.”

“As of recent?” wondered Lola.

I sighed deeply. “No, just as usual.”

Lola nodded.

I wondered, “who are the next regular adversaries of Fireweirdo’s team, anyways?”

Zoey looked at the schedule. “It’s james K. Polk’s in Santa Clarita.”

I gasped. “Hey! that’s hard. They have got a guy named Simon Nelson Cooke.”

Quinn chuckled. “Cookie? The runner up of last year’s regional science fear? Polk’s is certainly a tough opponent. I ‘pity’ Firewire. Cookie himself is rumoured to be half robot, half man.”

Zoey continued, “a thereafter, they are going to face Belleview from San Diego, the school of Drake Parker.”

This was going to be an explosive mixture ….

36.2  Broken weapon

We had tried hard to raise funds for our own war robot.

A name was easier to find than a sponsor.

We had decided fast on naming it Apocalyptor.

But no money meant no robot.

Kazu could not help us. He had hardly got the bucks to pay his fire insurance.

“Does it really have to be tanrum?” wondered Zoey.

“Tantalum,” thundered Quinn. She explained the advantages of this very robust metal.

And it was not the only rare and expensive prerequisite.

Suddenly, a truck halted at our parking lot.

I looked puzzled.

This was the vehicle of Joe the greasemonkey. It didn’t look in a much better state than the content of its cargo area.

Joe grinned, “fresh from my local junk yard.”

I wondered, what is it for?

Joe shrugged. “A certina Melinda Crenshaw has ordered it.”

I gasped.

What was Mindy going to do with all the trash?

I used my cellular phone in order to call the tricky geek girl.

Joe unloaded the junk.

I had to confirm the reception of the whole thing.

Joe disappeared again.

Unfortunately, Dean Rivers was not wholesale happy upon seeing the trash. “Matthews, I give you half an hour, or else …”

I didn’t want to hear about the else part.

It didn’t sound like much good.

But it wasn’t my fault.

Finally, Mindy arrived. She explained, “OK, this material will serve for building our battle robot.”

Quin gasped. “You want to beat Firewire with junk? He will laugh about it.”

Mindy cackled. “Correct!” She smirked.

We did not understand Mindy’s good mood.

Mindy explained, “he will laugh and neglect his control over his own robot. That’s when our robot will strike for good!”

Quinn scratched her chin.

Mindy explained, “that’s psychological warfare. Make your enemy laugh about your broken weapon, and you don’t need a shield. His careless arrogance is your best protection.”

Quinn sighed for relief. “That’s brilliant!”

Mindy nodded. “And as iour real weapon, I have thought about verious alternatives. First, a hyperbolic photon canon,1, which we still have to fit into robot small enough to comply with the rules.”

Quinn shrugged. “Or the corrosive juice of my former version of banapples?”

Mindy nodded. “I also like this.”

They went through most of their previous inventions in order to look for the most suitable solution.

I didn’t understand any of their geek talk.

36.3  Ripped apart

Firewire and his gang had been beaten by Jams K. Polk.

The team of Simon Nelson Cooke and his henchmen Lance Widget and Albert Wormenheimer had built a robote named Worminator.

Firewire’s intimidating machine could not hold a flickering candle to Cookie’s robot.

Now they were in a miserable situation.

They needed to win the last matrch against the team of Belleview.

And that was a dern strong troop, consisting of Josh Nichols and his friends Craig Ramirez and Eric Blonowitz.

Firewire’s gang had to prepare well.

Defeating our Apocalyptor was going to instill them the necessary self-confidence and courage in order to make them refrain from giving up prematurely and let their heads hang in the wind.

Quinn and Mindy finally reveiled their machine.

It looked really miserable.

Rusty screws were protuding from everywhere.

Firewire cackled manically. “And thence girls should stay away from science.”

Quinn grunted like a fury.

Mindy just shook her head in a decently calm manner, grinning like a cunning creature.

Zoey was going to operate the Apocalyptor.

Dean Rivers started the mortal combat.

Firewire grabbed the remote control off Andrew. He didn’t want to leave him the pleasure of having humiliated the girls.

While the boys were still cackling and arguing over those details, oey pushed a red button.

A balloon containing hot banapple acid, tied to a rubberhead arrow, was released and fired at Firewire’s robbot.

Fire wire cackled even more. “I’ve never come across anything more ridiculous.”

His pals chimed in.

The balloon burst asunder, releasing the caustic liquid on the steel walls of the battle robot.

Finally, flabbergasted Firewire was in control of his machine. He tried to hunt down the apocalyptor.

Zoey just needed to make the Apocalyptor evade fro a few seconds.

Then the acid took its toll, having eaten its way to the guts of Firewire’s android.

The science freak boys gasped for dismay.

Their machine smoked and hissed like a wyrm, mocking its owners. Then it fell apart.

Dean Rivers had to declare us as the winners.

Firewire was still thunderstruck and unable to move after ten minutes.

Mind and Quinn walked away.

36.4  Enchanting surrender

The same evening, I was sitting in my dormitory room, looking through my next plays.

Michael was working out in the gym.

Mark was gone for supper with Quinn.

There were voices at the door.

I went in order to open. “Firewire?”

The freak cackled. “Hi Chase!”

I remarked, “I don’t really know the secret of our robot. Quinn and Mindy have built it all alone.”

Firewire sighed. “I’m giving up on the whole robot stuff. We couldn’t defeat the girls. Even less will we hold a candle to Belleview’s team.”

I shrugged helplessly. “There’s an easy way for your team to become stronger and possibly beat Josh, Craig, and Eric.”

Firewire looked dumbfounded. “What way? Nuclear blasters?”

I shook my head. “Allow girls to your science club.”

Firewire was consternated.

His jaw dropped to the floor like a block of concrete, causing an earthquake of no less than Richter 3.

I panted heavily. “Do you want our school’s science club tro become the laughingstock of the county?”

Firewire looked even more dumbfounded.

I continued. “Mindy Crenshaw will be particularly motivated against her former school.”

Firewire appeared to have been ignorant about this important fact. But now he appeared to regain ris speech slowly, stammering “she knows Josh, Craig, and Eric? She understands their ways of thinking?”

I nodded. “Aw, I’m sure Mindy may analyse Joshuah Nichols better than anyone else alive.”

Firewire grunted, “how so?”

I couldn’t help reveiling that sort of secret. “Mindy has had a silent crush on Josh, She would use the occasion to impress him and demonstrate her superiority.”

Firewire choked. “No!” He whimpered for dismay.

I wondered, “why does that bother you?”

Firewire stuttered, “Mindy cn’t do that … she can’t love that Josh dweeb.”

I reasoned quickly. “Jealous?”

Firewire blushed. “No way! Mindy can’t be a girl, she has to be a cyborg like Simon Nelson Cooke.”

His voice betrayed powerful traces of swooning.

I chuckled.

Firewired grunted, “chuckling is my job.”

I shrugged silently. “Hey, you do have feelings for Mindy.”

“She’s just fascinating,” admitted Firewire. “But I’m still afraid of girls.” He sighed for growing despair.

I shrugged. “Your problem! How will the school thank you losing the contest because of your insane fears and rprejudices?”

Firewire screamed for increasing agony. He decided to leave the choice to Neill and Andrew.

36.5  Gazing out a broken window

Time had come for the final showdown between the combat robot teams of Pacific Coast Academy and Belleview.

Neil and Andrew had decided for allowing Quinn and Neill to help them. They were totally freaked out by their fears of Josh, Ctaig, and Eric.

Firewire had been taking some time away from the club’s activities. But he did not refrain from watching the combat. He snuck into the open car of the team from Belleview’s team and aimed his telescope, a so-called ‘Waynocular’, at the battle suite.

The umpire was Mr. Sweeny from James K. Polk.

Firewire was still hesitating. “I haven’t got a good feeling with the girls in our club …”

His pals cackled.

Sweeny opened the fight to the death.

The combats started dancing around each others.

Josh exclaimed. “This time I won’t fall for your tricks with the miseravble looks of your loser machine, Miss Crenshaw! Heh! Drake has warned me about your knavish tricks.”

Mindy shrugged. “We will see. You still haven’t learned much. You keep on listening to your penetrantly stinking step-brother.”

The Joshinator fired a sensor-controlled rocket at our Apocalyptor.

Alas, Quinn had build in a distractor due to having been warned by Mindy.

The Joshinator and its weapons were confused.

The rocket took another turn and soared off to the parking lot.

A sound of shattering glass was hurt.

Firewire screamed like a fury.

The Apocalyptor started a counterstrike. What exactly was it doing?

Nobody heard or saw anthing.

But after a few seconds, The Joshinator started quivering uncontrollable.

Deadly vibrations seized the construct of steel and silicon.

The Joshinator decomposed into a heap of smithereens.

Josh squealed and twitched like an idiot.

Craig and Eric glared consternated at each other.

The battle was over.

Mindy nodded solemnly. “OK, Josh, I’ve always loved you. But you have never been unable to get rid of your abominably disgusting step-brother. Now I love someone else.”

Everyone gasped.

Mindy walked to the drop site and grabbed blushing Firewire from the demolished car. “Firewire is a dork like you. But he has got one distinguishing advantage: He hasn’t got a perverted step-brother!”

Firewire twitched and trembled.

Mindy pulled him closer. “Now kiss me, you dork!”

Firewire was feeling all sorts of hot and cold while obeying Mindy’s irresistable command.

Josh grunted, “what have they done to our car?”

Quinn grinned. “That was your own rocket!”

Josh, Craig, and Eric gaspe for despair.

Unfortunately, their car was not the only victim.

Dean Rivers looked at his demolished vehicle. “Who was that?”

Our sience geeks better took cover.

1
cf. Drake & Josh : Mindy Loves Josh

Chapter 37  Little Womaniser

37.1  Desire, ask, believe, receive

Dustin had been suffering a lot from his separation from Wendy Gellar. He had always feigned being cool with it.

I didn’t notice anything.

Zoey was just worried about Dustin’s good reputation and honour.

Trisha had been such a threat to those virtues.

Needless to say, Zoey had started being less worried after Trisha’s, or, as we should rather say, Samantha’s separation from Dustin.

Alas, Dustin could not simply resignate. He had most likely wondered about strategies for getting a girlfriend.

I was of course of very little help.

Zoey wouldn’t have liked me to give Dustin any hints, anyways. According to my impressions, she was trying hard to keep him single as long as only possible. She also told Michael and Lola to refuse helping him.

So, after all, Dustin had to find some other source of information. And whom better could he have chosen than the local expert and master of the ‘honoured’ art of womanising: The one and only Logan Reese aka ‘hotness incarnate’?

Zoey wasn’t happy about thissort of ‘tutor’ for Dustin.

But, taking everything hitherto said into account, there was little reason for refraining from saying:

It was all but completely Zoey’s comeuppance.

I didn’t want to see angelic Zoey as the source of Dustin’s downfall.

But this conclusion was hardly evitable.

Dustin was desiring to impress girls like many boys somewhere at his age. He was on the brink to middle school.

I remembered my own upper class time.

That had been the year before switching to Pacific Copast Academy.

I would have done a lot in order to learn the secrets of womanising from an ‘experienced’ teenager.

Dustin has probably simply chosen the best available tutor.

Playboy Logan was dating Dana, but he didn’t believe in monogamy.

Dana didn’t believe in it, either.

But that’s a different story.

In any case, he was one hell of an example to live up to for the upper class kids believing in the ability of moving onward to the next phase in their life and fighting for their wishes.

Now I’ve been talking a lot about that sort of tutoring.

Lola needed a tutor for biology.

It was about some very embarrassing stuff, such as the flowers and the bees.

Zoey refused to help Lola, but she sent her my way.

Inspite of Zoey’s praises, I had never been good in biology. Whatever, I seemed to be left without any other choice.

37.2  Beneath the shade of the Sycamore

I met Lola in our school’s aforementioned botanic garden.

The topic was the reproduction of wild plants.

For that avail, we took a walk past various plants growing in this garden.

Unfortunately, the area of Los Angeles was almost deprived of wild plants.

Civilisation had taken a harsh toll.

I wasn’t really at ease talking about the topic.

The reproduction of plants was basically the same as that of humans.

Thus talking about embarrassed me to no end.

Why did Lola have to be so incredibly hot?

We finally found a Californian plane tree, buttonwood or sycamore1, whatever.

We decided to take a rest there.

Lola seemed to have no problems talking about the procreational stuff. But she could not remember her textbook’s words.

I was a playwright.

Lola was an actress.

Thus I presented Lola the text book like a script for a new play. “It is a play about Felicia, the brilliant student of biology, taking a cruise on the ocean of love, er, the Pacific ocean.” I sweated like a bunch of pigs.

All of a sudden, Lola had no longer got any problem remembering her text.

Hey!

Too bad it was not yet a real play.

But I had to write one.

It was going to be the perfect play for the perfect actress.

The shade of the plane tree grew longer and longer, following our talk about the procreation of sycamores.

That was so intimidating.

Granted, Lola was sort of into Drake Parker.

But rock idols of the day subscribed to a very loose interpretation of mutual commitment.

And Hollywood actresses appeared to do the same.

Ginger Fox2 was a typical Hollywood actress and pop star of about 25 years, and she was the incarnation of being loose. In addition, she was Lola’s example to live up to.

So, what was Lola really up to?

And why was Zoey acting so cool? She appeared to have pushed Lola into my arms.

Lola asked, “too bad flowers and trees can’t kiss and stuff. Thus they have to rely on wind and rain, on birds and bees.”

My degree of nor being at ease increasy steadily.

Lola moved closer and closer. “What do you think? Does this plane tree wish to be able to kiss like human teenagers? Felicia is going to kiss the rice and nice guy at the end of the cruise, right?”

I choked and coughed.

Fortunately, the tutoring lesson was over.

But this just postponed the expected trouble.

37.3  The essence of life

Night had fallen.

Michael was still on the basketball field, practising free shots with Logan.

Mark and Quinn were at Sushi Rox.

Mark properly didn’t like exotic food. But he was not courageous enough to tell Quinn.

It was still too early for going to sleep for the night.

Thus I started thinking about the play to write.

The first lines were written fast.

There had to be a kiss at the end.

But how was Felicia supposed to get to kiss her dream boy at the end of the cruise?

There were so many possibilities.

After all, that wonderful song The birds and the trees3 was sticking to my mind like industrial glue.

It fit perfectly to our lessons in biology.

And the concluding line tells us to learn about the base fact of life, from the beginning to the very end.

The more I had to think about it, the more embarassing the whole thing became.

Why did Lola have to be in need of tutoring about the reproduction of plants just in this moment?

I was still slowly recovering from Zoey.

Worse than all, the reproduction of plants was stuff for elementary school kids and maybe middle school kids.

It sounded more and more like a plot.

There were voices at the door.

I opened. “Ashley?”

The little diva grinned.

It was past eight.

Ashley wasn’t supposed to be in the boys’ dorms. But the tweenie star just grinned. “I have lent my textbook for biology unto Lola. She told me to look for it here. Where is it?”

I gasped. “The one about the reproduction of plants? Lola needed tutoring …”

Ashley laughed hysterically. “Come on, she doesn’t need tutoring in fifth grade stuff.”

I looked puzzled.

Ashley continued, “are you so blind? She wants to trick you into kissing her.”

My jaw plummeted to the floor like a block of concrete, making the campus tremble like windward aspen leaves.

Ashley explained, “don’t worry. She is disgusted by your bushy hair. But she needs practice for kissing scenes, especially practice in kissing dweebs. Remember me and Dustin and the chicken pox?” She shuddered.

I fell onto my knees, squealing senselessly.

Ashley found the text book.

I needed it in order to prepare worksheets for Lola, using all colours.

Alas, the request for tutoring had now turned out as a fraud.

My ability to speak in words and sentences returned slowly.

I stammered, “that is so mean.”

Ashley shrugged. “It’s just acting. We are the actors, you are the viewers fooled into believing it real. That’s the essence of the life of actors.”

I was still abhorred.

Ashley continued, “I have to say … Dustin took it like a real man. You are whimpering like a baby. So … who is really the more mature of the two of you?”

I shrugged helplessly.

Ashley took her textbook. “OK, that’s it. Talking about Dustin, I wonder about his progresses in womanising. I guess he’s more successful than you, either. Oh, your next play for me is due in two months.” She walked away again.

I really needed that sort of tutoring about the facts of an actor’s life.

37.4  Dancing in the fountain

Dustin had made some progresses.

Alas, the thought of Dustin becoming more and more like Logan did not please me.

After the conversation with Ashley, I felt urged to watch the situation.

Was Dustin really so mature, compared to us high school boys?

Zoey should have worried infinitely more. But she had been staying fairly calm. She was probably up to something more tricky than just tellingDustin to refrain from immitating the jerk of jerks.

Logan had changed Dustin’s outdfit slightly. Then he had arranged a double date with Baldwin sisters.

This was strange.

Tracy Baldwin hated jerks. And she knew about Logan’s irresponsible demeanour towards girls. Why had she been volunteering for the double date? Likewise, she was as protective of her sister Sandy as Zoey was of Dustin.

Anyways, they were now double dating near the fountain in the centre of the campus. They discussed movies, probably due to being up to going to the campus cinema.

Logan wanted to watch his usual action thriller.

Tracy wanted to watch a love comedy, called ‘chick flick’ by Logan.

Dustin started talking appreciatively about Sandy’s outfit.

Alas, Logan had taught him to treat girls like one piece of dirt.

But, fortunately, Dustin wasn’t much convinced of that.

Finally, Tracy appeared to be fed up by Logan’s style. “I want to view Jerk In The Fountain.”

Logan did not know such a movie. He was the son of Hollywood csar Malcolm Reese. He would have known about such a movie long before anyone else, right?

Bear with it!

Logan did not smell the danger.

Suddenly, Tracy grabbed him and pushed him right into the spouting fountain.

It was a fairly flat well, though.

I sighed.

Logan still wondered about the existence of such a movie.

Tracy, Sandy, and Dustin were gone.

Dustin and Sandy seemed to have become sort of a couple.

Now Dana Cruz walked past the well. “Logan?” She chuckled.

Logan grunted, “Dana? Do you know the movie Jerk In The Fountain?”

Dana shrugged. “Let’s make one.” She jumped intpo the shallow waters, grabbed Logan, and twirled him around.

The two of them started to sing and to twist in the middle of the stream.

We’ll be dancing in the fountain when we dance
We’ll be dancing in the fountain when we dance
We’ll be dancing in the fountain
We’ll be dancing in the fountain
We’ll be dancing in the fountain when we dance

Students walking past them started jitterbugging around the well.

The contagious fever was about infecting all the campus.

37.5  Who named the stars?

Everything concerning Dustin and Sandy had started smoothly.

Given Zoey’s overprotective demeanour, I had to say, “it went way too fast.”

Now we were sitting ’neath the bright shining stars of Californian spring sky.

I used to play Would you rather with Zoey.

Sandy and Dustin had joined us.

I asked, “Zoey, would you rather lick peanut butter off the streets or run around bald-headed for ten years?”

Zoey gasped.

Dustin and Sandy stood up and waved. “we need to be in bed right at curfew.”

Sandy grinned. “Right. See us tomorrow for morning aerobics in the park!”

Zoey smiled. “Dustin has always begged me to be up for a bit longer. But now he’s totally different.”

Being with Sandy appeared to have turned Dustin into the little brother of her dreams.

But this was no longer the Dustin known to me for over three years.

Ashley’s words had made me think about it.

Zoey waved at her brother ad told me, “next quesrtion!” She expected a crazy alternative like the aforementioned one.

I gasped. “Erm … why do the stars have those names?” I really couldn’t concentrate on the game and stared nervously at the sky.

Zoey shook her head. “Chase! You are distracted!”

I sighed deeply. “Probably! I wonder about Dustin and Sandy. It looks like a deal between you and Tracy. You’ve got Dustin hitched to a girl of your choice, same goes for Tracy and Sandy.”

Zoey gasped. “What? How dare you …” She was somewhat upset.

My instincts, however, told me to be right on spot and to inform Dustin.

But is it always a good thing to obey to your gut instincts?

1
not exactly the same kind of tree
2
cf. iCarly : iFix A Popstar
3
song by Dean Martin which I don’t own

Chapter 38  Spring Breakaway

38.1  Broken promises and broken hearts

It was time for our spring break.

I was not interested in returning to the motheastern states for the break.

Alas, there were news from up there.

Addie and Jake Behari were still a couple. But they suffered from quite a few misunderstandings.

Addie had been sad because of not having been able to complete her list of things to do until turning fourteen.

This reminded me of my own list of things to do.

I was now fifteen years old. nd I had given up on my list over a year ago. I gasped for dismay. How could I have neglected such a thing? I hadbroken dozens of promises for no reason.

This was even worse than my recent break-up with Zoey.

And I was now completely listless. I could not plan for the vacations.

Zoey, Michael, Mark, and Quinn were all homeward bound.

Lola, Logan, Dana, Nicole, Nicholas Webber, Firewire, Mindy Crenshaw, and Vince Blake were going to the Reese’s summer estate in Santa Barbara county.

Malcom Reese had insisted in four boys and four girls exactly.

He was certainly up to something, like a new movie, as a surprise for the kids.

How good for them!

But with everyone breaking away from this campus, I felt once again trapped in nothingness. I remembered my empty Thanksgiving break, two years and a half earlier.

Janitor Herb and greasemonkey Joe had contacted me for work during the break.

The roof of Brenner Hall had to be cleaned and improved.1

I accepted gladly in order to escape from boredom and nagging remorses due to having failed both with my childhood’s resolutions and my relationship with Zoey.

38.2  Entrapment

Being trapped on the campus during vacations was a feeling known so well to me.

Maintenance man Joe had sent me up the roof with a box of tools.

I couldn’t help but wonder about the exciting adventures of all my pals while left here with squirrel excrements and shifting shadows of trees n the campus.

One of them, even mightier than aforementioned sycamore, blocked out sunlight from Zoey’s roof.

Right on the Roof, I met Gordy.

The custodian of James K. Polk School in Santa Clarita greeted me. “Im well equipped for hunting squirrels. They are about as big and fast as weasels. And I’m an expert weasel hunter.” He boasted with his collection of weasel guns.

I grinned. “They also work against racoons, don’t they?” I was still panically afraid of them.

Gordy nodded. “Any time!”

I sighed. “You should take over as a custodian here. Banville2 messes ewverything up.”

Gordy gasped. “What a custodian here at Pacific Coast Academy?” He sighed deeply. “True. At James K. Polk, I get fired for no reason each and every other week by vice principal Crubbs. Alas, I feel like something trapping me to stay there. But now my best friends among the pupils are about graduating from middle school. They will go to other high schools. James K. Polk’s high school had been discontinued since Vietnam and restarted a few years ago, but it’s too small for the vast mass of kids. Maybe I should find my courage and leave for good.”

I shrugged.

Joe joined us. “Hi! I’m gooing to take care of the roof. Gordy better assist Herb cutting down the tree.”

I pitied the old oak.

But there was no other way in order to make the girls’ roof sunny and clean.

Gordu nod and darted downstairs.

Joe started talking while preparing for cleaning the mess. “Next year, I’ll work in Seattle for Daka Shoes.3.”

I looked aghast.

Now Gordy definitely needed to come to us.

I wondered, what are ypu doing for Daka?

Joe replied, “maintenence man in their headquarters.”

I knew their headquarters in Los Angeles.

They were definitely working on dangerous sorts of shoes.

Everything looked like one big mess.

They definitely needed a better maintenance man.

I started wondering about ways to talk Dean Rivers or Garth Burman into employing Robert Gordon as our new custodian.

And then poor old Gordy was freed from entrapment at James K. Polk’s.

Starting to make those plans I forgot even about still being entrapped on the campus for the dursation of these spring vacations.

38.3  Vacant arch

The day’s work was over.

Gordy had gone home.

I had thought about a few words to tell our headmaster. I wanted to be prepared better than during my first requests, back when trying to talk him into allowing girls to the Pacific Coast Academy.

A middle school guy named Matthew Palmer Noid4 whistled merrily.

It was his first year at Pacific Coast Academy.

I asked, “so you live too far away to …”

Mathew shook his head. “I’m from Santa Clarita. But I like hanging out on the campus.” He must have liked this school so much. He preferred spending the vacations here on the campus inspite of living just a few miles away. “I should have gone to James K. Polk’s. But some student named Crony told me some cool joke about a bush-headed guy here. My hair is unusually curly for a boy. So I deemed this a better place for me and my hair.”

Dean Rivers crossed the campus afoot.

I even saw him across th glass doors of the foyer of my hall.

But something was strange.

Upon closer inspection, I noticed him lacking pants.

But he continued his way in a totally usual manner.

Matthew was gone — all of a sudden — without warning.

We were still on vacations.

But did Dean Rivers’s pants have to go on vacation as well?

The boss of our fantabulous school was approaching.

Even now I saw him open the door to my hall.

This was the perfect occasion for talking to him about a new custodian.

Well, it would have been under usual circumstances.

But a boss in boxers was still a boss, wasn’t he?

I still had to show him the usual respect, pantless or not! Should I have told him about his outfit?

This was a very delicate situation.

No boss liked it appearing pantless to his devout underlings.

But telling him was going to be tedious.

Noticing it later in a an even more embarrassing situation would have made our ‘leasurely-disposed’ headmaster evern more upset, making it impossible to hire Gordy as a new custodian.

I had to try, anyways. “Sir, are’n’t you missing something?”

Dean Rivers looked aghast. “I’m not wasting my time on stupid remarkkes!”

I shuddered, stammering wildly, “I mean, … authority should be recognisable by from the outfit, shouldn’t it?”

Dean Riveres thundered, “definitely! That’s why I don’t run around like you kids. Especiall I refrain from letting my hair grow into a diffuse shrubbery like certain boys at Pacific Coast Academy.”

I kept on struggling in an attempt to make it straight to the point.

But it was hopeless.

I was a born dork.

Certain pupils walked past us.

Of course the campus and the foyers were still mostly empty.

But those who stayed here were more excited than usual.

Dean Rivers grunted, “this is not a comedy show! You may giggle when you are among your ilk, but not in the presence of a person worth of quite some respect!”

Suddenly, Matthew Palmer Noid showed up again. “Your worship, do you miss out on these?” He held a pair of classic English trousers in his hands. “They fit so nicely to your coat.”

Dean Rivers smiled. “They do, indeed. But I’m already decked out. My wife always insists in the best classis wear, suited perfectly for my job. Those trousers almost look like my own. Where did you get them from?”

Mathew shrugged. “I found them by accident.” Then he had to rush to the loos.

Dean Rivers shrugged. “Really, they look so much like my own, including the pockets filled with …”

I read a slip of paper protuding from the pockets. “A bill for video games, worth more than 500 bucks?”

Dean Rivers went pale. He fumbled at his hips and went pale. Then he darted away to the toilets.

I looked aghast.

Which man of fifty years wasted so many bucks on video games?5

38.4  Parting regrets

The next day, Matthew Palmer Noid showed up again.

I was still wondering.

Had he really been able to sneak the headmaster’s pants off his legs without letting him notice? Matthew whistled innocently.

I wanted to know it.

Finally, Matthew let me know. “I’m very tricky, ain’t I?”

I shrugged.

He was indeed. And he was probably steering into some trouble for that. Matthew had already stripped aforementioned Mr. Sweeny of his pants.

This happened during his upperclass men’s visit to James K. Polk Middle school.

He admitted to being telekinetically gifted. “But don’t tell everyone.”

Would anyone believe him?

Madame Kreuftlva, aforementioned soothsayer from New York City, probably would.

I was instantaneously reminded of her predictions.

So, Zoey was a detour.

But maybe detours were necessary?

I wanted to become a great playrwright. For that avail I needed to make more experiences than other people.

Experiences were able to inspire me more and more.

There was thus no need to regret having gone many an extra mile.

Likewise, Matthew Palmer Noid had not yet rued his decision to switch to the Pacific Coast Academy instead of James K.Polk’s. Here, he was safe from Sweeny’s wrath. Als, he was able to keep his magic abilities a secret. No, he had been so until now. Fortunately, he had stripped the dean during spring break, and not in the middle of a running term.

After all, having been forced to stay at the campus over spring break had not been that bad.

I didn’t have to regret any deed that had probably excludded me from the trip to Reese estate.

There are probably other producers able to help me become famous, anyways!

Talking about Logan and the bunch …

Their limousine was just sneaking aroud the corner. It wasn’t exactly small, Kogan’s incessant claims to the contrary notwithstanding.

And Lola didn’t hesitate telling me and a few other onlookers about the proper reason for the trip to Santa barbara county: “Malcolm was making a new game show, Gender Defenders. It’s four girls against four girls. You should have been with us. It was so cool. ”

I shrugged. “Who won?”

Lola grinned. “We girls, of course. You boys suck. And you know it!”

I gasped.

Lola continued, “but we will all be seen in a few days in the première broadcast.”

I shrugged.

38.5  Lightning fast refusal

We were now gathered in the foyer of our lounge in order to watch the first episode of Gender Defenders.

Zoey, Quinn, and Michael were back from their vacations as well.

Zoey was watching with me.

There contest was mad up of three parts: A hunt-for-hints gauntlet, a creativity test involving making a nerd look cool, and a face-to-face combate between Logan and Dana, each standing on an island in the middle of a pool.

The girls won all three of them.

That was really putting us boys to shame.

Michael claimed, “with us, the boys’ team would have won.”

But I was not that sure about it.

Lola showed me her new tek-mates.

Those were cellular phones with many built-in extras.

They had used them during the showdown in order to communicate with there team mates.

Suddenly, Lola’s cellular phone rang.

Lola wanted to pick it up, but she couldn’t find it.

Where was it?

Finally, Michael found it floating above Lola. He shrieked upon noticing this.

I grunted.

Of course, Matthew Palmer Noid must have been responsible for that.

But Lola didn’t care. She started answering the call. “Lola Martinez … oh, Malcolm!”

Malcolm Reese had been very keen on Lola’s performance. “I already know it from your performance in that dilettantic web show by your friends Chase Matthews and Michael barret. But your deeds in the pilot of gender defender even topped that. I may offer you a skit show on your own, named Randomly Like That6”

I was glad for Lola, and so were Michael and Zoey.

Lola beamed. “Sure! With skits written by Chase Matthews as my playwright, I will overwhelm the masses!”

Zoey and Michael nodded.

I bluhed.

Malcolm coughed. “No, the skits will of course be written by a reliable professional, not some third-class wannabe.”

Lola gasped. “The answer is … no!”

Malcolm Reese grunted, “you see, you are so going to regret your decision!”

Now I felt guilty for being a stumbling block in Lola’s career.

That was no good.

1
suggested by Zoey 101 : Girls Will Be Boys
2
various cameos in season 2 and 3 Zoey 101
3
identifies Joe the Mechanic with same actor’s cameo named Braxley in iCarly : iPromote Techfoots
4
cf. Ned’s Declassified SSG : Upperclassmen
5
cf. Zoey 101 :Quinn’s Alpaca
6
alludes to So Random, a show within Sonnt With A Chance which I don’t own either.

Chapter 39  Sushi Rocks Ablazing

39.1  Firestarter

A few days later, we were sitting in Kazu’s bar on the campus.

It had become more and more popular.

We could not imagine a life without sushi.

Zoey’s favourite Kapanese food were tempura rolls, i.e. deep-fried battered seafood and vegetables.

These rquired a hot stove.

I was still working for Kazu and had to serve Zoey.

It was close to curfew.

But Zoey insisted in ordering tempura rolls.

Also, I had to deliver several sushi meals across the campus.

Being already late, I felt urged to hurry up and do the whole delivery in one bout.

Yet this was apparently a bit much.

I stepped down the staircase, carrying a dozen of deliveries. I still had to think about Lola’s refusal to make that show with another playwright.

It made me feel so downright miserable.

All of a sudden, I stumbled and fell down the steps, losing my parcels.

Everyone came in order to look after me, including Kazu.

The latter had to neglect his stove.

A few seconds later, the kitchen was set ablaze.

Coach Keller complained about his sushi,, and he accused me and my friends of having started the fire. “My revenge will seize you!” The idiot tried to fight the fire, but he used the fire extinguisher in a stupid manner, making things even worse and wasting the foam for naught.

Zoey, Lola, Nicole, and Michael accused each other.

But it was for no avail.

We kids were sent back to our dorms.

Dean Rivers was dealing with the arrival of the fire brigades, commanded by chief Becker1.

39.2  Night of fire

I was too tired to watch the efforts of the fire brigades.

The dorms were declared to be safe.

Zoey had been hurrying towards Dustin’s dorm in order to convince herself of that before going to sleep.

I was really upset.

Who had to order a delivery of a dozen packages of sushi less than half an hour before curfew?

But worse than the fire threatening to devour Sushi Rox were the adruous flames of my conscios.

The stench of their smoke drove me from one nightmare to another.

Everyone hated me for having started the fire, right?

All sushi lovers were going to hunt me down for the rest of my life at Pacific Coast Academy.

Lola was most likely going to hate me twice that much, first for destroying her favourite pub, and then for having ruined her career by inciting her to turn down Malcolm’s offer for mere loyalty..

And I hated those ordering sushi that late.

The heat of hatred devoured us faster than the burning oil in Kazu’s stove.

What was the fire insurance going to say?

Kazu had got a good fire insurance, didn’t he? He better did.

Otherwise I may have been forced to work for him for naught for the next twenty years in order to come up for the possible damage.

But maybe the fire was not even going to stop there and start infecting more building, burning us all to death over night?

All my friends and relatives in the northeastern states admired me for Sushi Rox.

Addie and Rusty loved Asiatic specialities.

Finally, the night was coming to an end.

39.3  Flame in the twilight

I woke up, smelling smouldering ashes everywhere.

Mark had been totally calm all night through.

Michael had been hardly able to sleep, either. Like me, he feard particularly the wrath of coach Keller.

Anyways, our first way of the morning was leaving us straight to Sushi Rox. No, it didn’t.

There was no such thing as Sushi Rox — no more!

A few empty and wasted ruins were adorning sadly the place of our former favourite bar.

The walls were still standing.

But the kitchen equipment and the furniture were dead.

Even worse, Kazu had not been able to pay his fire insurance for the last six months.

Instead of legendary Phoenix, a vulture fund rose from the smoke and embers, ready to pick apart and devour the intestines of Sushi Rox.

Needless to say, Kazu was no longer able to stay here and run his bar.

I already felt the burning steam of Coach Keller in my neck.

Zoey shook her head. “Come on, we just need to raise funds for Sushi Rocks before the bad banks strike.”

I shook my head. “We haven’t even been able to raise funds for spring flings.”

Nicole squealed, “Malcolm Reese would sure have donated a few bucks. But Lola had to upset him and spoil everything.”

The wannabe Hollywood star gasped. “I would be nothing without Chase and Michael. I won’t go anywhere without them!”

Nicole looked dumbfounded.

Michael sighed. “Fortunately, we had been able to get Drake Parker for a lot less, due to certain connections.”

I gasped. “Maybe Drake can help us raining funds?” I thought about a beneficial concert.

Lola beamed. “Yeah! Drake Parker is the solution!”

Zoey wondered, “how so?”

Lola explained, “he’s hotter than the flames destroying Sushi Rox. A kissing booth with him …”

Quinn picked her pocket calculator. “If we request one buck of a kiss of three seconds, it will take us …”

Lola swooned.

Quinn was done calculating the outcome.

Zoey was finally impressed by the numbers. “So, a few days would be enough. Better than car wash.”

Coach Keller’s grimaces told us to hurry up rebuilding Sushi Rocks.

Lola asked Zoey, “may you lend me 2000 bucks, please?”

Zoey looked flabbergasted.

Lola explained, “I want to kiss Drake for two hours straight.”

Zoey shook her head. “Are you insane?”

Lola begged. “Please! he’s so hot!”

Zoey grabbed Lola. “If I had that much, I’d put it straighht into the rebuilding of Sushi Rox.”

Lola gasped. Now she wasn’t any longer keen on her own suggestion.

Quinn and Mindy had got a ‘better’ idea. Both of them had been doing a lot of research in the area of cloning life forms. “We could clone babies, or strange pets, and sell them for a lot of bucks.”

Michael and Zoey shook their heads unison.

That wasn’t going to get anywhere.

Wendy Gellar was walking past us. She looked at me. “Nice mess!”

Zoey grinned. “We need rto do something about that. We thought about hiring Drake for a kissing booth, sharing fifty-fifty.”

Wendy coughed. She was basically over Drake, thus not likely getting hurt by him kissing gazillions of other girls. But she deemed it strange. She nodded, anyways. “I’m going to ask his sister.”

I banged my head against the next tree trunk, hollowed by the recent flames.

Megan was a great fund raiser, anyways. She would have found a way to save Sushi Rox, in the case of the exiestenceof any such thing.

Wendy’s finger tips danced across the keys of her cellular phone.

Megan picked up on site. “Wendy! It’s horribly early. The boobs areen’t even awake yet.” She yawned heartily.

Wendy explained the situation. “And now we could need your help for raising funds, We thought especially about a kissing booth with Drake.”

Megan gasped. “Wow! You’re really OK with that? Well, I’m sure: Drake will love to do that. But it costs you ten per cent …”

Zoey sighed.

But Megan could have been a lot more greedy.

39.4  Through the fire

The next days were one gauntlet across smouldering brimstone and charcoal ember.

Most pupils were looking oddly at me and at Michael, calling me ‘sushi murderers’ or even worse.

Coach Keller’s wrath was worse than everything else together. And that dumb jock wasn’t even able to pronounce sushi.

This was horrible.

He made us run twice as much during gym classes, and he forced us to wipe the gym floor after the lessons.

Michael moaned, “isn’t that the custodian’s job?”

Coach Keller denied this rigorously. “Custodian Banville is in hospital for smoke poisoning.”

Dean Rivers should up in the gym. Was he going to train for something?

This was not the case.

Coach Keller suggested, “you should fire those freaks and send them into the desert mines in order to make up for the damage!”

Michael gasped and squealed, “I don’t want to work in the mines! It’s so dark there.”

I nodded and shivered. “And there are moles. They are worse than racoons.”

Dean Rivers shrugged. “Mr. Bradford will think about that later on. But until then, there are some other questions to answer.”

I looked at Michael, and vice versa.

Dean Rivers explained, “according to witnesses, the fire alert system has not been checked for over a year. That is, it has never been checked since the begin of the responsibility of Ethan Banville.”

Michael suggested, “hey, you should fire him and send him to …”

Dean Rivers sighed. “Good custodians are incredibly rare. And things get harder due to impending departure of greasemonkey Joe Braxley.”

I gasped. “I know someone!”

Dean Rivers looked aghast.

I explained, “Robert Gordan, the custodian of James K. Polk, …”

Dean Rivers coufhed all over. “The one who helped rebuilding the campus for the arrival of the girls? Isn’t he working for Polk’s”

I nodded solemnly. “He has also prepared the girls’ roof during the vacations.”

Dean Rivers scratched his head. “OK, let me see … if he’s able to organise security training o the campus …”

I wondered about that security training.

The boss explained, “well, let’s say, it’s a new rule introduced by the county’s department for prevention and treatment of catastrophes. We will have three security practice days per year.”

I sighed.

Michael and Coach Keller were even less keen on the training measures.

But we had to jump through those burning hoops.

Oops!

39.5  Flames of disaster

Drake Parker had actually agreed on the whole thing.

Now we were sitting in the campus yard and started the kissing booth.

Megan was also here, eager on counting the cash. She was assisted by Wendy.

As expected, Lola was the first in the queue. She begged Zoey one last time to lend her some thousand bucks for the booth.

But it was all in vain.

Lola sighed deeply. She fland a dollar pieve over to Wendy and Megan.

Drake was sitting behind some table.

The girls were supposed to kiss Drake over the table.

But Lola didn’ care. Like a gazella, she jumped swiftly onto the table and beyond in order to land gracefully on Drake’s lap, maling him smile.

Drake grabbed her and pulled her into a passionate kiss.

Megan had a chronometer in her hands.

It was an invention by Quinn.

The watch caused a terrifying sound after three seconds, supposed to interruopt the nervous systen of human lips and thus breaking the kiss.

Many onlookers started swooning upon watching Lola and Drake make out like nobody’s business.

Alas, in the case of Drake and Lola, this signal was just much too weak.

Wendy protested.

Megan was also absolutely horrified.

Of course, was unable to pay for all of that. Otherwise she wouldn’t have tried hard to boerrow money from Zoey.

Alas, Megan reacted fast. “All onlookers have to pay twenty bucks!”

The masses gasped. But they did not mind paying a few bucks for watching Drake and Lola.

Megan charged furthermore 5000 bucks from Jeremiah Trottman for a permission to broadcast the pictures.

Within a few hours, we had gathered the sum required for restoring Sushi Rox.

Suddenly, the fire alert bells rang out.

The onlookers shrieked.

Middle school kids foormed a long queue. They passed buckets of water from one pupil to the other.

Finally, Lola and Drake were hit by torrents of cool water. They looked consternated.

Gordy appeared to be supervising the action.

Mindy and Quinn went pale.

Finally, Quinn fessed up. “The potentially devastating heat and the brain-melting flames of untamable passion developping between Lola and Drake wer detected by my more delicate fire alerting system. I’ve worked a whole week on it.”

Gordy had been guiding a security training for middle school kids, as requested by Dean Rivers as a test.

Our headmaster was totally convinced by this sort of security training. He didn’t hesitate employing Gordy.

Suddenly, Coach Keller crossed the campus in undergarments only.

I guessed Matthew Palmer Noid behind that.

Megan also charged people for looking at the semu-nude coach, increasing thusly our revenue.

Likewise, Kazu felt a lot safer by now. He decided to rebuild Sushi Rox from the collected money.

1
from Zoey 101 : Drippin’

Chapter 40  Makes Me Happy

40.1  A human voice

A few mornings later, I was awakened by Quinn’s voice.

The geek girl needed to test another invention, a strange apparatus.

The machine looked like a mix of many things.

Quinn needed to wire and power the whole thing.

I wondered, what is this going to be?

Mark shrugged. He sensed being the victim of another quinnvention. But he didn’t dare to cotradict his excessively nerdy girlfriend.

Quinn explained, “many people working in an office, such as Dean Rivers, are too lazy to perform casual tasks, such as opening doors and so on. But these days are now all but gone.”

I gasped. “What are you going to do?”

Quinn grunted, “this machine is able to accomplish your commands. You just jave to say them.”

I shrugged. “OK, do my homework for me!” I looked at the machine. “Come on, I can’t wait forever!” I was close to kicking the blinking and humming device.

Quinn grabbed me. “You don’t dare to damage my invention, do you?”

I whistled hypocritically. “Why would I?”

Quinn sighed. “The machine only understands a few selected commands. I will add others, from time to time. In addition, itis adjusted to mark’s voice. After working with the sweetest of all possible voices, I will be able to adapt it to just ay voice.”

Mark wondered, “what commands?”

Quinn started, “OK, it’s breakfast time. You sure want some coffee, don’t you?”

Mark nodded. “Yeah!”

Quinn replied, “you have to say so.”

Mark squealed, “coffee!”

The machine started emitting a clanking sound.

A torrent of warm, brown water poured forth from an opening in the cover of the machine, straight into Mark’s face.

Mark remarked calmly, “it’s hot! May I wash my face?”

Quinn shook her head. “Not before testing the other commands.”

Michael had just awoken from the metallic noise. He started wiping Michael’s face clean with some napkin.

Quinn admitted to having made some mistake. “The machine was supposed to fill the coffee into a cup, not straight into Mark’s face.”

I scratched my bushy hair. “I hope so. Dean Rivers would not be pleased otherwise.”

Quinn nodded solemnly.

Michael was dismayed. “You want to sell such a thing to Dean Rivers?”

Quinn beamed brightly. “Maybe some nearby headmasters want one, too, such as those from James K. Polk’s, Silver Spring1, Mark, try the next command, it is window!”

Mark moaned, “Window.”

The dorm’s window shattered and burst into smithereens.

That was definitely not Quinn’s intention.

She had to work harder on it.

40.2  Nostalgic numbness

The following evening, we were gathered in the foyer.

Quinn took over the laptop and contacted her parents. “Oh no, Otis is sad!”

I wondered, “who or what is an otis?”

Quinn grunted, “my pet alpaca. Unlike my smaller pets, I can’t hide it in my dorm. So I had to leave it behind in Seattle. Now it is sad due to missing me. And that makes me sad, too.”

The pet looked pretty much like a llama.

I could not tell them apart. Thus I was no good at biology.

This still made me wonder about Zoey’s command to tutor Lola in biology.

At least, Quinn’s mother was a lot worse. The dumb wench could not tell an alpaca from an ostrich.

Or was it a lapsus linguæ?

Maybe Quinn also had an ostrich, somewhere in here or out there.

Alas, depression of the alpaca was incredible.

Quinn had already agreed on an appoiuntment with Dean Rivers for a demonstration of her machine. And it still needed some fixes.

But with her nostalgic melancholia triggered by her separation from her llama, oops, alpaca, there was not a snowflake’s chance in a volcano left to complete the task.

And I knew already some others interested.

Addie’s headmaster, Mrs. Brandywine, was even more lazy than Dean Rivers.

Or so told me Eli Pataki. He had already arranged a visit of the lady.

Quinn should not have missed out on that chance. But now she sulked sadly in a corner.

I wondered, “we need to take Quinn to Otis, or Otis to Quinn.”

Zoey objectedm “Quinn can’t leave the campus during the term without prior written permission and without risking suspension and expulsion. You should know that. Likewise, alpacas and llamas are not allowed on the campus.”

I gasped. “I’m not that dumb!”

Zoey cackled and pulled at some strands of my bushy hair.

40.3  Tears of desire

A few months ago, Quinn Pensky had started practising with her trombone.

Now she used to play it whenever sad.

And the depression of her favourite pet was one real reason for being incredibly sad.

And this time, her performance was downright horrible.

Mark told me to stuff his ears with cotton fluff, preventing him from having to listen to the abominable noise.

Michael understood it somehow. “sometimes, I play the transversal flute when sad.”

I nodded. “But you don’t make such a hell of a noise, as totally opposed to Quinn and her trombone.”

Michael nodded solemnly. “I see!”

Wendy Gellar trotted in. “Hi, Michael, I have just tried to writew a tune for a jazz rock song. What do you think aboutit?” She valued Michael’s opinion a lot due to his great experiance.

Michael agreed. “I’m going to listen afterwards. Now we need to find a way to help Quinn.” He explained the situation unto WEndy.

The tweenie girl beamed. “Aw, I could tell you stories …”

I wondered, “stories?”

Wendy explained, “Megan has once bought a sheep from the interweb.2”

Michael and Mark did not want to believe that.

Wendy contunued, “OK, she told Drake and Josh to hide the beast in their room, telling them to refrain from further pranks for some time. Later, Drake and Josh were caught and punished. Nothing happened to Megan. Then she bought a zebra, and the same thing started right from afresh.”

I gasped, squealing, “aw Megan!” I felt the little angel and the little devil settling down on my shoulders once more.

The devil told me to use Megan’s smart tricks.

But I was probably going to flunk it badly.

And Mark and Michael were not much better.

Whom should we have mad hide it, anyways?

This was not hard to decide on.

“Logan,” we squealed unison.

At the same time, Wendy had started calling Megan with her cellular phone. Wendy chuckled noisily. “Hi Megs, do you remember your sheep?”

Megan grunted, “oh, Bawwwwwwb!”

Wendy explained the situation.

Megan was ready to intervene.

The little devil had won for this time.

40.4  When words fail

It was the great day of the presentation of the office machine.

We were able to watch the demonstration from the foyer.

Due to her sadness, Quinn had not been able to work a lot on her mqachine.

Mindy and Wayne had tried to jump in for her. They had also established a hidden cam and micro in the headmaster’s office.

But this was not an easy enterprise.

Besides Dean Rivers, the headmasters of Silver Spring3, Palmwood’s, and Hollywood Arts had made a trip over here as potential buyers.

And, to my surprise, there was also a delegation from Rocky Road.

Mrs. Brandywine was dragged around in a sort of riksha, drawn by her ‘slaves’ Addie Singer, Geena Fabiano, and Zachariah Carter-Schwartz.

Wendy chuckled. “I knew it. You’d be happy about the visit ofd Addie, Geena, and Zach. Thus I arranged it as a secret.”

I gasped.

Wendy Gellar was totally deep and surprising.

Megan showed up, followed by Ashley Blake. She whistled innocently.

The girls had just visited Logan and Vince in their dorm.

I wondered, “did you get them to take care of the alpaca?”

Megan nodded solemnly. “Alpaca wool is very high on demand. Or so I told them. Likewise, I have made Drake and Josh to believe in raising zebra stripes, you knowm those adorning pedestrians; crossings …”

Michael gasped. “Thoase zebra stripes are taken from real zebras? I haven’t known that?”

Megan shook her head. “They ain’t. But Drake and Josh have actaully believed it. And then they tried to sell the zebra’s stripes to San Diego’s deprtment for traffic control and street maintenance.”

Wendy cackled for excessive glee.

Ashley and Megan high-fived noisily.

Alas, the demonstration appeared to be not so pleasant.

Dean Rivers commanded the machine using the code door. He wnted to close the door of his office.

But instead of taking care of the afiorementioned door, the machine opened his zipped pants.

Everyone laughed like crazy.

The commands uttered by the other headmasters were treated in a similarly deviant manner.

This did not look very good for us!

Principal Wright from Santa Clarita, successor of aforementioned principal Pal, was really upset.

Brandywine announced, “one last chance for this hell’s machine …”

Her colleagues nodded solemnly. They consulted silently.

Suddenly, the windows all opened.

Brandywine was flabbergasted. “I have just thought about it!”

The principals all agreed, “The machine is clairvoyant!”

Everuone ordered an example of the monstrous apparatus.

Alas, the machine had not read Brandywine’s thoughts.

Matthew Palmer Noid chuckled in a corner, not far from myself.

Finally, Mrs. Brandywine was hungry.

Too bad the machine was not yet able to cook.

Brandywine clalled Addie, Zach, and Geena via her walk-and-talk radio. “Bring us some corn dogs!”

Suddenly, the machine started to bark like nothing.

That was the last hitherto built-in command.

It was made in order to scare away unwanted intruders.

But now thhe headmasters all cowered under the desk.

40.5  Ring of sunlight

Sunday morning had broken.

The sun spread its rays all over the campus.

The principals had not withdrawn their request.

Quinn was now looking forward to even more orders, especially upon getting more modules added.

I was still hanging out in the foyer of 148 Maxwell Hall.

Logan came along, complaining, “that wooly lamer has shitted all over my bed!” He wrinkled with his nose.

I cackled with glee.

Logan continued triumphantly, “but I will make gazillions by selling alpaca wool, and you won’t! Yay!” He walked away.

Addie, Zach, and Geena were still hjere, waiting for their machine to take them to new York.

Wendy giggled. “Have you told him already?”

Addie shook her head, a bit timidly.

Wendy urged her to do so.

What did Addie have to tell me? She finally stammered, “My mom allows me to go to the ’buildingPacific Coast Academy, starting with next year!”

I smiled. “That sounds cool.”

Wendy and Megan nodded rigorously.

Megan complained, “Drake should have taken me home last night. But I’m still standing here.”

Wendy sighed deeply. “It must have to do with Lola.”

I nodded for understanding.

Megan moaned, “aw, I don’t mind Drake having a fixed girlfriend for more than just a few weeks.” She whistled merrily. “By the way, after the boobs had failed hiding the sheep and the zebra, I sent my pets to Faye Dunnaway4, owner of a big ranch just a few miles from here. So, should Vince and Logan ever get tired … here’s her business card.” She dropped something into my hands.

We gasped.

That would have been the solution for Quinn’s alpaca in the first place!

A big ranch hosting many hooved mammals was probably the best place for Otis to live.

Quinn was certainly going to be able to take just a few hours off every off in order to play with her wooly friend in the plain sunlight.

At the same time, the sound of Drake’s guitar went trembling through the campus.

Lola and Drake were standing in the middle of the campus, surrounded by a corona of pure white sunlight.

Drake sang his new song, Makes Me Happy. He had written it a few weeks ao, but now he dedicated it wholeheartedly to his Lola, the sunshine of his life, making him happy and want to sing.

They got up and started fooling around the campus.

I grinned, looking forward to my sophomore year.

1
from Just Jordan
2
cf. Drake & Josh : Sheep Thrills
3
from Just Jordan
4
from Zoey 101 : Quinn Misses The Mark

Chapter 41  New Students

41.1  Fragile as a dream

An excruciatingly boring summer break had come to an end.

I was standing once again in the foyer of aforementioned airport in the outskirts of New York City, waiting for a plane to take me to Los Angeles, right for the start of the new academic year.

This time, I had been made responsible for a few elementary school kids.

Freshman Addie Singer was already in California. She had been spending the last two weeks at Wendy’s home in San Diego County.

This had made it easier for her.

But Jake Behari was coming with us. He had been following Addie’s wishes.

“You’re lucky to make it to a new school along with Addie, ain’t you?” I asked.

Jake sighed. “It’s all over between us.”

I gasped for dismay. “How’s that possible?”

Jake moaned, “lots of little misunderstandings have ruined our relationship. It was terrible as of recent.” He talked about a few examples. “So, Addie wanted to be with Wendy and her friends over the second half of the summer. Somehow, she never believed in being good enough for me. Sge always calls herself ‘unfabulous’. The final blow was dealt by her disapproval for the relationship between Zach and Geena. I told her to keep out of that. But she wanted to sabotage them.1” He shrugged helplessly.

Alas, I was a bit disgusted by the thought of Zach and Geena being together.

They didn’t match at all.

But Jake was not the only new pupil coming with us to Malibu.

A strange-looking girl walked over to us.She held a construct made of cotton sticks in her hands. “Please hold this for a few seconds. I gave to go for the girls’ room …” Sje spoke with a scarily lispy voice.

Of course this was not exactly her fault.

I kept on talking to Jake Behari, observing some scattered tweenies.

Then the girl with the lispy voice returned. “OK, thanks for watching. I’ve built this because of my dad’s reluctance to let me work in his woodshop. I want to become a carpenter. So this is a model of my dream house, made of cotton swabs and white glue.” She took her sculpter back.

Jake asked, “I’m Jake, this is Chase. What’s your name?”

The scary girl replied, “I’m Stacey Dillsen, and I come from Swampscott, Massachusetts. My sister Suzanne works at the nurses’ station of St. Steve Hospital in Mississippi. I love sculpting and astronomy. My favourite drink is sassafras tea.”

I shrugged.

Her voice was really hard to bear, especially when pronouncing all those hisses.

But she was a good girl, anyways.

Finally, we were called to board the plane.

Stacey had to care for her cotton swab construct.

The sculpture was probably as fragile as her dreams.

But what about mine?

41.2  False gold

I walked the campus again.

Jake was really surprised. “That’s a spa, not a boarding schopol, right?”

I shook my head. “You’ll get accustomed to that, I tell you.”

Jake grinned.

I had accompanied him to his dormitory room.

It was upstairs from mine.

And there I recognised another new pupil, but an old acquaintance of mine. “Olivary Biallo!”

The exotic-looking kid from Santa Clarita replied, “Chase!” He beamed brightly. “I’ve finally been accepted to your school.”

Behari and Biallo aka Crony shook hands.

I wanted to show the new guys a bit around. “There are many things to discover, such as Sushi Rocks …”

Olivary Biallo remembered that place, at least in its shape before the furious fire.

Now it looked a lot more exciting than ever before. And it stoodf still in the same place.

But Olivary Biallo did not know that. “I’ve already gota dinner dater with a hot Latina. Her name is Trina.2 We are appointed at Sushi Rox at eight p.m.” He beamed like a supernova.

Alas, my own experiences with first-sight-crushes had not been really exciting.

There was a lot of false gold glittering in the twilight.

Jake nodded. “I must have disappointed Addie the same way.”

I shrugged. But now I had to leave the other guys behind and make it to my own dorm.

And there was some other potential false gold to beware.

Toon Juice, a web site publishing commercially cartoons from third parties, had offered me and Michael a contract.

It sounded quite interesting.

But that one was not unlikely to put us under pressure, neglecting some of our friends.

Lola had already rebutted one of Malcolm Reese’s offers for the sake of her friends, viz. us.

How were we going to return that favour?

41.3  Demon tongue

I was once more together with Michael Barret and Mark del Figgalo. But I had finally found a break to cross the campus and look for our female friends.

Zoey hugged me on site. She was carrying a new plush pet, a wonderful blue squid.

I wondered, “where is Dustin?”

Zoey grinned. “He has gone to the beach with a new tweenie Latina, Jasmin3.”

Apparently, his relationship with Sandy Baldwin had not lasted over the summer break.

I told Zoey about the offer from Toon Juice.

She smiled. “Wow! That’s really great for you.”

But I had to talk about my fears. “It would cause me and Michael to concentrate on the toons and trash the whole rest of our show, including the skits of Lola. But she has turned down an offer by Malcolm, sticking up for us.”

Zoey gasped. She had not yet thought about it.

I wouldn’t have done so, either.

But the aforementioned situation of Olivary Biallo had made me watch my back more closely.

I was becoming paranoid, wasn’t I? And just after having thought about Biallo, I saw him crossing the campus, side by side with, as I guessed, Trina.

That Latina looked really hot, but in a diabolic manner. She was hardly any good for Jerry Crony aka Olivary Biallo.

Now Zoey talked about her summer. “I’ve been a baywatch at the mouth of the Mississippi.”

The name of that river made me giggle, probably down to Stacey Dillsen’s exorbitant difficulties pronouncing it.

Zoey just looked puzzled. “That isn’t a fun name!”

I sighed.

Zoey had saved an old woman by means of a kiss of life. She would probably have preferred a young man in that place. “And then she woke up and bit my tongue.”

I wanted to see her licking tool.

Zoey opened her mouth and poked her pink pride into my direction.

I remarked, “wow, your tonggue is small!”

Zoey gasped. “That’s none of your business.”

I sighed deeply.

Better a small angelic tongue than a huge diabolic one.

Or so I imagined the mouth of Trina.

Zoey talked about her room. “I’m once again with Lola and Quinn. But that’s not easy. Quinn has now got her own bee swarm in order to produce fresh honey every morning. And she has got a cylinger filled with disgusting liquids.” She choked.

I sighed. “No good!”

Zoey nodded. “Dana and Nicole have finally been separated.”

I smiled. “That’s sogood for them.”

Zoey chuckled. “Nicole has now got a new Roomie with a lispy voice.”

I coughed. “Stacey Dillsen?”

Zoey was puzzled. “You know here? Is she an ex-girlfriend of you?”

I was consternated. “Never! We were just forced to sit in the same row in the plane from New York City to Los Angeles.”

Zoey moaned, “She isn’t responsible for her demonically malfunctioning tongue, but condolences, anyways!”

I thanked her.

Zoey continued. “Dana’s new Roomies are one Lisa Perkins and a certain Jeannie Bray4”

I gasped. “That Lisa, the finalist ever from America Sings5?”

Zoey nodded solemnly. “That’s her!”

What an increasig honour for Pacific Coast Academy!

Suddenly, Zoey received a phone call.

It was Lola. “Hurry up! Quinn’s bees have escaped!”

Zoey was the hell out of here.

I gasped.

Along came Dustin.

I tried to explain the situation, but I couldn’t help stammering.

41.4  Don’t scream

We had been entering Brenner Hall.

All of a sudden, Coco Wexler stormed across the long corridor. The hungry monster held tight of a tin of ravioli. She screamed like an idiot.

I tried to calm her down. “You wake up everyone.”

This was of course nonsense.

It ws early afternoon.

But I couldn’t bear the noise.

Coco was followed by a swarm of killer bees.

The buzzing insects were most likely after the can of ravioli.

Thus Quinn ordered Coco to drop the food.

But Coco would have rather separated from her sanity than from a tin of food.

Nicole was totally excited. “Bee stings don’t make you look cute!”

On her way out, Coco ran into Stacey Dillsen and made her drop the cotton swab sculpture.
Now Stacey was screaming as well.

And this was even worse than Coco’s scream.

I better took cover.

Dana was most annoyed by Coco’s screams. She simply tripped up running Coco with one of her feet.

Fortunately, the obese dorm adviser was naturally cushioned all over, making her plummet softly.

Dana finally grabbed the almost empty tin and flang it across the campus, wonder where …

The bees were out in no time.

Now Quinn was dismayed. “My bees are gone!”

Dana grunted, “your brain is gone!”

Quinn glared aghast.

Dana shook her head. “What a spaz! Logan is right.”

The situation appeared under control.

But someone had to volunteer in order to help Stacey repair her cotton swab house.

I asked Michael via cellular phone.

41.5  Sometimes it is better not to follow your own destiny

A few hours later, Michael was infinitely upset. He accused me of having backstabbed him in the most brutal manner by getting him to date the lisp monster.

Of course that had not been my intention.

But Michael was incredibly hard to dissuade.

Now I better snuck away to the campus.

Addie stumbled my way. “Oh, hi Chase!”

I shook hands with my step-cousin. “Addie! What a surprise!”

She chuckled. “It’s even much nicer here than last year. Too bad I have to miss out on Geena and Zach. I was feeling like a third wheel of a bike, anyways.”

I shrugged. “Yeah, it must have been hard. Too bad it costed you your relationship with Jake, too.”

Addie sighed. “I’ve probably never been worthy of him, anyways.”

I started to sweat.

It sounded so much like the break up between me and Zoey.

Addie remarked, “Wendy has already guided me all over the campus. I’ve got two roomies.”

I chuckled. “Most pupils do. Except those few who don’t ….”

Addie giggled. “Maris Bingham and Patricia Perez.”

I gasped. “Your worst archenemies? That’s evil.”

Addie nodded. “It seems to be my destiny, running from stupidity into the next. I mean, it’s not stupid being with you and Wendy. But did it have to be Patty and Maris?”

I moaned, “probably. I sometimes hate the way of destiny. A witch named Kreuftlva told me two years ago about gereat love being a big detour. Now I know it being about Zoey. She was my predestined detour.”

Addie sighed. “I know that feeling. Same was valid for me and Jake.”

I panted.

Suddenly, Crony crossed the campus, followed by Trina.

The Latina stared at Crony with diabolic eyes, scaring him to death.

That was hardly a good begin of a relationship.

Then she yelled at him and walked away.

I asked Crony about the incident.

He replied, “it’s over. Trina only wanted me for practising a kissing scene in an upcoming commercial. She needed a dweeb for that.”

Trina was apparently a model or an actress.

Alas, I was so reminded of Lola’s way of trying to use me for a similar avail.

Lola and Trina could have been relatives …

The new year had thus started with some not so good surprises.

But the shock was going to wear down soon.

Or so I hoped.

1
cf. Unfabulous : Best Trip Ever
2
identifies Rebecca from Zoey 101 : Surprise et al. with Trina Vega from Victorious and an anonymous cameo by the same actress in iCarly : iPsycho
3
a cameo in Zoey 101 : Surprise — first name taken from same actress’s rôle in Suite Life : Camp Heaven which I don’t own either
4
cameo appearance in Zoey 101 : Surprise — family name taken from same actress’s rôle in another movie I don’t own.
5
show mentioned in iCarly : iRocked The Votes

Chapter 42  Basketball Blues

42.1  Falseness in acquaintance

My first night of the new academic year was all but gone.

I had been wondering a lot about that annoying Trina.

Lola had been irritating in the shawow of the sycamore. But she had been sorry for that and thence been staying loyal in a very critical moment. She refused to let me and Michael down for a very promising offer by Malcolm Reese.

Trina, on the other hand, while also a wannabe star, had really treated Olivary like one piece of dirt.

I couldn’t tell why.

But Trina appeared to me like the personification of exorbitant falseness.

Anyways, I had to go to breakfast.

Michael had told me about his interesting summer break. But he was worried by Olivary’s return. “What do I think about such a guy? He registered for our school dance, falsely pretending to be a girl, assuming a false name, talking with a false accent, …”

I shrugged. “That’s true, but he had got good reasons. He needed to hide from that bully jock, William Loomer.”

Michael coughed. “OK, there’s something else nagging me.” He threw a basketball, backward over his shoulders, and made it land in the waste paper basket.

I asked, “what is it?”

Michael continued, “Farfalla … she might not be his sister for real. But Olivary still cares about her. And I havebroken my promise to call her after the summer break.”

I shrugged. “Now you’ve got Vanessa1.”

Vanessa and Michael had been dating by the end of last spring.

Michael went pale. “Aw my gosh! Vanessa! I have forgotten about her. And I’ve found a new crush. Her name is Lisa Perkins.”

I boomed, “that’s your problem. I wouldn’t break two hearts for one aloof wannabe crush.” Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t even have mentioned Vanessa.

Things were now slipping out of hand.

And today, we had to try out for the basketball team.

This meant a lot to Michael, much more than for me.

But with two girls tormenting his conscience, he was likely to fail giving his best. In addition, Michael was now more and more turning into an exponent of falsehood, too.

42.2  Immortal laughter

Our basketball coach was again Coach Keller.

This was no good at all.

Why did they have to send coach Ferguson into the desert?

He was a really cool coach.

Keller was nothing but a jerk. And he used to laugh sadistically.

We had to start with a few lay-ups

I messed it up.

This had been forgiveable under Ferguson.

But Keller showed no mercy. He was still angry about my incident at Sushi Rox.

I was out.

The competition was greater, anyways.

I walked to the sidelines in order to watch the others.

Zoey performed pretty well.

But Michael? He was totally hanging in the wind, close to turning into the laughingstock of the school.

Likewise, Logan Reese had got incredible problems with free throws.

I don’t know why.

He had always been the best free throw expert. But now he performed like a joke,

The onlookers laughed their living butts off.

Addie and Wendy walked up to me. They did not try out.

But Addie explained, “Really, it is … I seem to miss watching Zach’s basketball matches.”

I understood that.

Addie asked, “Do you know what Logan’s doing wrong?”

I shook my head. “I have never got the hang out of it.”

Addie scratched her chin. “Zack always kept his elbow close to his chest while practising free throws.”

Wendy giggled. “And so does Drake.”

Should we have told Logan?

He had often treated me like dirt, and he didn’t deserve it any better than getting expelled from the team.

On the other hand, the team of the Pacific Coast Academy was going to suffer a lot from Logan and Michael dropping out.

I sighed after pondering forth and back for a few minutes. “OK, go and tell Logan! It’s better for the school.”

Addie sighed. “I guess so.” She stood up and tried to talk to the playboy.

Alas, Patty Perez and Maris Bingham showed up, giggling noisily. “He won’t listen to you!”

Addie wondered, “why?”

Logan asked, “what’s going on? I’m stinky …”

Addie started talking about Zach’s posture during free throws.

Maris laughed manically. “Logan Reese, you won’t listen to an average looking middle class girl, will you? She’s only trying to rub salt into your wounds, as they all do.”

Logan grinned. “You’re right, whoever you are.”

Maris grinned. “I’m Maris Bingham, future captain of the cheerleading squad and holder of this credit card.”

Logan’s jaw dropped. “The only heir of Bingham Inc.?”

Maris nodded with proud glee.

Patty also introduced herself as a billionary’s daughter.

Logan’s choice as of whom to believe was so obvious.

I comforted Addie. “You have at least tried.”

Addie sighed. “That’s true. I won’t give up until I’ve got myself embarrassed beyond any measure.”

I agreed wholeheartedly.

Logan laughed at coach Keller. He was soon going to buy his way back into the team.

Alas, Zoey and Dana alone were not going to be able to play for a whole team.

The next opponent was no other than James K. Polk’s.

This was going to be our ruin, for sure.

The softball team had been hitherto our laughingstock.

But the basketball team was so going to top that catastrophe.

42.3  A lustful lie

Zoey sighed. “Dana and I, and three noobs, that’s such an idiotic team.”

I nodded solemnly. “We’re so going to flunk.”

Zoey continued, “and now I have to submit my new designs for the cheerleaders’ outfit.”

I grinned. “Your outfits are the best.”

Zoey smiled. “Glad you see it like that. But maybe my style isn’t exactly withing the guidelines.”

Too bad Zoey was not without serious competition.

Maris Bingham had submitted her design, too.

Her mother worked in the fashion business.

Maris had been experimenting in that field already as a little girl. And now she was almost unstoppable. But she didn’t have Zoey’s talent.

Nobody but Zoey had it.

The cheerleaders were standing in a row.

Patty and Maris had actually kept their ‘promises’ and become the head of the cheerleading squad. They had probably used their credit cards for that avail.

Likewise, there was another new girl from Addie’s school. She was a sophomore named Maria Hughes2 and had already been a cheerleader at her old school.

Melanie Puckett was also one of the cheerioes.

Addie was apparently uncomnfortable with this event.

Zoey asked Addie, “isn’t your friend Geena a fashion frak, too? She has certainly also tried to design cheerleaders’ uniforms.”

Addie nodded sadly. “Two years ago, I was in a committee for deciding on the new school uniforms.3 Geena’s was better. But I’ve decided in favour of Maris, just because of not wanting to appear partial by voting for a friend. Now I still hate me for that lie.”

Zoey sighed. “Sorry for that!”

The cheerleaders had taken a look at the uniforms and liked Zoey’s a lot.

Then Maris reveiled hers.

Suddenly, almost everyone everyone was swayed to Maris’s side.

Addie decided to make up for her former vigorous lie. “This time you won’t get away with that! Zoey’s design is clearly better.”

Maris glared at Addie. She kicked dirt into our direction, hitting both Addie and Zoey’s design.

Zoey was now over the edge. She kicked a lot of dirt back at Maris’s design.

This meant war.

In the end, only one design was left clean.

Mrs. Dean Rivers had to decide.

His choice was obviously the remaining clean design. “And the winner is … Jerry Crony!”

I gasped.

He had found the courage to come out with his true hobby, in front of such a big audience.

Jerry aka Olivary waved around, still a bit timid.

But it worked.

Dean Rivers congratulated the freak who had made his first steps to this campus under a vigorously false pretense.

Zoey congratulated Olivary in a fair manner. “Keep it up!”

Jerry smiled.

Maris was of a different opinion.

42.4  Fall from grace

The basketball team was consternated.

Without Logan and Michael, there was not a snowflake’s chance in a volcano left.

Everything worked hard for was now gone.

Coach Keller’s coaching methods were not promising any relief.

Thus Quinn intervened. She had called the basketball team to the field.

I was watching from the sidelines.

Quinn started, “the most important qualities of a basketball player are equilibrium and dexterity. I’ve deviced this machine in ordert o let you train these.”

Dana grunted, “what do you know about basketball? Two years ago, you’ve even knocked out yourself, you spaz!”

Quinn glared at Dana in an angry manner.

Zoey calmed Dana down.

This was as hard as usual.

Quinn placed a remote-ontrolled skate board onto the ground.

A stuffed dead chicken was mounted onto the board.

Zoey wrinkled her nose upon the smell of the poor thing.

Quinn explained, “in the ancient times, boxers were trained by letting them chase after living chicken. And that’s what you will do with this model. Try to catch it, if you can!”

Dana, Zoey, and the other team members looked puzzled.

Quinn started the motor. “Come on, catch it!”

The team members started darting across the field, trieng to catch the whole thing.

But Quinn was tricky. She let the chicken board run all sorts of hooks and loops, confusing the athletes.

Likewise, Zoey and Dana finally collided with their shoulders, floundered, reeled, and keeled over. They were now left in a really stinky mood.

But Quinn showed no mercy. “The chicken needs to take a break. But you are standing in front of the next training phase. This machine …” She unveiled a strange kid-ized apparatus. “… will throw tennis balls at you. Try to catch them if you can!”

The basketball players stood in a queue.

Quinn pushed the buttons.

Dana was already fed up with the whole thing. She caught one tennis ball and threw it across the campus, somewhere out of sight. Then she troyted away.

Zoey caughta few more.

Quinn suddenly increased the speed of the machine.

Zoey was totally overwhelmed by the bombardment. She was not going to speak to Quinn for several days.

The rest of the tream left as well.

Quinn pouted. “Hey! We’re not done. You’re such an ungrateful bunch.”

42.5  Close your eyes

The day of the match was there.

I sat down on the bleachers, hearing a voice from underneath my feet.

It was Jerry Crony. “I don’t want to be seen by Loomer …”

His concerns were understandable.

The game was on.

Dana and Zoey tried to give their best.

But the situation was hopeless.

Even their cheerleaders were louder than ours.

Missy Meany and her gang were now wearing the uniforms designed Maris Bingham.

That was really depressing.

Seth Powers was still the reckless rake from our last encounter. And he was the best and most nimble basketball player ever, inspite of spelling basketball with a single l.

Jenifer Mosely was the most dangerous person on the field.

We were down by over twenty points after the middle of the match.

I couldn’t watch any longer. I closed my eyes.

Michael had got a hard time watching, too. He was still afraid of Vanessa’s evil revenge for having trashed her for Lisa.

Coach Keller suddenly left the building. “I’m going to get a sushi!” He let his team rot on the field.

Suddenly, there were new steps.

Michael gasped. “Trisha Kirby starts playing for us.”

I gasped. “Trisha, or, properly, Samantha Puckett, hasn’t got any team spirit. That’s the end.”

Michael sighed.

Alas, I had been so wrong.

Michael ordered me to open my eyes again.

A few minutes later, we were only down by five points.

And a last second combination of Zoey, Sam, and Dana secured us a victory by one point only!

Now I had to close my eyes for disbelief.

Was that possible?

Samantha Pucket darted around the place. “Sam is the winner!”

We sighed for relief.

The first match of the season was won.

But the season was going to be so long.

1
from Zoey 101 : Quinn’s Alpaca
2
painter girl Maria from Zoey 101 : Quarantine

identified with anonymous cheerleader girl from some Unfabulous episode.

family name chosen for same actress’s cameo in one episode of Hannah Montana, another show I don’t own.

3
cf. Unfabulous : The Gray Zone

Chapter 43  Coco Goes Down

43.1  Forsaken stealth

Early next morning, I met Trisha, oops, I want to say, Samantha Puckett, right in our lounge.

She grinned. “Sam is still the winner!”

I admitted to having had my eyes shut for most of the time. “It was so unlikely to defeat Mike Grudziellanek, Jenifer Mosely, Seth Powers, and that Coconut skull.”

Samantha cackled with glee. “Loser!”

I I continued, “you’re certainly one of the strongest and most agile pupils here, but baskeball is a team sport. And you are …”

Sam grunted, “what do you mean? I’ve practised team spirit with Zoey for over six months now.”

I gasped. “Wow! I wouldn’t have thought you to stand through it.”

Sam sighed. “I am missing my best friend from Ridgeway, Carly Shay.”

I vaguely remembered having heard that name.

Wasn’t that the little sister of Spencer Shay, my camp adviser from a former summer camp?

Samantha confirmed my guess. “Indeed, she has got that elder brother. And you know him?”

“Not much, really just during that camp,” I admitted.

Samantha nodded. “OK, he’s cool … for an adult, that is.”

I agreed wholeheartedly.

Samantha continued, “on the other hand, Carly seems to have got something for her new neighbours’ boy, Fredward benson, or probably just vice versa, and she prefers to keep him as a friend. Just like you ansd Zoey by now,”

I sighed deeply. “Those were the days.”

Sam continued, “anyways, Freddie is such an annoying guy. I’m glad to live so far away from him. Otherwise I’d drop back into my old violent attitudes. And become a thief and pickpocket and get sent to youth prison and so on.”

I shrugged. “You still want to become a car racer?”

Sam shook her head. “Rather a car mechanic, like Joseph Braxley. I’ve never met him. And now he’s gone fromn the region. He was said to be so cool.”

I nodded. “Joe is certainly cool. But at least we’ve now got Gordy as a new custodian.”

Sam grinned. “Another cool adult …”

In this moment, Gordy bounced in. “Hi Chase!”

I waved at him.“Hi Gordy! How’s your new life?”

Gordy grinned. “Rather cool. But it’s a bit dangerous. Just a few days ago, I got hit by an empty tin of ravioli. Now idea about its origin. And, miraculously, I found this untouched can of ravioli at the same spot, just a few minutes ago.”

I gasped. “Typically Coco’s can. But she’d never give up on a full can of ravioli. Something must be wrong with her.”

Sam glared enugmatically at the tin.

Her mouth turned watery.

But she refused to touch the food. “Too bad Zoy talked me into a diet based on fish and vegetables only.”

But what had happened to Coco Wexler?

43.2  Relinquished radiance

The Pacific Coast Academy had got a rule for extracurricular activities, such as all those competitive athletic teams.

All those with insufficient marks were not allowed to participate.

Generally, this meant at least a plain C in all subjects.

Of course, this was not a pronlem for Zoey Brooks.

But not everyone was able to concetrate both on athletics and academics at the same time.

Vince Blake, our quarterback, had always been just on the brink.

Alas, Zoey was not content with anything worse than a B. She wanted to make it to Harvard Law School.

This was not going to be easy.

Unfortunately, science was a possible stumbling block for her.

And she needed to improve badly.

The upcoming chemistry test was thus a milestone for Zoey’s career.

But she was already desperate.

Having trained Samantha Puckett in team spirit had cost her a lot of time and efforts.

I had always wondered about the source of Zoey’s power.

But those were sooner or later going to be exhausted.

What was Zoey going to turn into upon such an event?

I did not want to imagine.

Zoey had always been the incarnation of perfection, in every sense.

There was no way for me to see anything else in her.

It had been the reason for me to crash against the flag pole and make me fall hard.

There was no second option.

My world would have broken into smithereens.

43.3  Guilty morals

I was left alone in my dorm.

Michael was still hiding from Vanessa’s untamable wrath while lusting outrageously for Lisa Perkins.

Mark was in Quinn’s dorm. He had to helo her looking for an escaped laboratory rat.

I did not envy him for this task.

Suddenly, Ashley begged to be let in.

I had almost forgotten about the last play written for her.

Now I opened the door for her.

The little diva grinned enigmatically.

I stammered, looking for excuses.

Axshley shhook her head. “Don’t worry, you are nowhere near late.”

I sighed.

Ashley continued, “Fortunately, you have trashed those silly toons.”

I nodded. Of course, I had not thought of them as ‘silly’.

The drama queen continued, “well, I’ve now got a hint from Dingo Channel1. They are going to evaluate some of the plays.”

I shrugged. “Dingo? Malcolm Reese’s worst rival?”

Ashley nodded with glee. “Exactly! The early bird catches the worm.”

I shrugged. “I’ve heard they are lame.”

Ashley cackled. “With me as an actress and you as a playwright, they would stop being lame.”

I smiled. “Probably!”

Ashley nodded. “OK, I’ve got to go to Dustin and give him his books back. I had to copy homework.”

I gasped. “You copy Dustin’s homework?”

Ashley nodded. “So what? I pay him a tenner each week for that.”

I panted heavily. “Ashley, that isn’t the point.”

The diva replied, “for me and Dustin, it is the point. He has got the brain and the time, I have got the bucks.”

I objected, “but it breaks the whole sense of homeworks. Without practice, you’re not going to do well in tests, sooner or later.”

Ashley shook her head. “I’m still in the green zone. I’m more worried about Vince, though. He can’t do zilch for his academic classes, now with his team having made it into the state playoffs.”

I reiterated, “no good. In order to be allowed to a team instead of being forced into getting tutored, he needs at least a C in …”

Ashley glared at me. “I know that rule! But Vince just needs to trick a bit, and it will all be OK.”

I coughed. “Yopu mean, cheating in tests?”

Ashley nodded arrogantly.

I moaned. “The Pacific Coast Academy has got strict rules against …”

Ashley shook her head. “Those rules are only for those who can’t afford breaking them.”

I did not quite understand.

Ashley glared at me, “aw my gosh! You are such an incredibly naïve dweeb.”

I panted. “Why … thanks?”

Ashley cackled, “noone will denounce the quarterback of a successful football team for cheating! It is impossible to get any less popular than by doing so! Have a nice evening!” She walked out on me.

I wiped some oozing sweat off my cheeks.

Was it really OK for the quarterback to cheat?

That didn’t sound fair.

On the other hand, it wasn’t fair, either, to request such a lot from the successful athletes.

This was probably the reason for them cheating in the first place.

Maybe it was rather the fault of the whole pressure and expectations of the school board.

I was left once more hanging in the wind with moral doubts.

It wasn’t my business, anyways.

There was no proof for Vince Blake cheating, period.

43.4  Her body was found

A few hours ago, I had been wondering about girls’ dorm adviser Coco Wexler.

Now Zoey crashed in with some news. “Coco and Coach Carl have split, broken up again.”

I gasped. “Why? Isn’t that usual?”

Zoey nodded. “This time, he broke up using the cellular phone. Now Coco refuses to eat anything anymore. Lola and Quinn have found Coco’s wretched body at the entrance of our dorm block. She was one lump of tears and mud.”

I sighed. “That doesn’t sound good.”

Quinn and Lola were trying hard to get Coco back onto her feet.

I already thought about informing Coco’s sister Evelyn.

On the other hand, Coco could have hated us for doing so. She was totally proud of having made it for two years without Evelyn’s intervention.

The little angel and the little devil were fighting over me again.

This time, the devil blew too much brimstone smoke for his own good and coughed himself apart.

I bellowed, “we should tell Coco’s sister!”

Zoey had not got any clue about Evvy.

I had to talk to her for over an hour about our first encounter with Coco, in order to accomplish a quest imposed by Evelyn.

Zoey gasped. “Wow, what a story! So, where can we contact her? A good cook like Evelyn must be busy!”

I nodded solemnly. But I still had got the number … somewhere.

43.5  No one mourns the wicked

Evcelyn Wexler arrived three days later on our campus.

Coco, still bathing in her own tears, was consternated.

Lola and Quinn had kept on trying to wipe Coco dry, but for hardly any avail.

Coco was now upset. “Who told you to call Evvy? Anyone, but not her!”

I stammered. “I guess … it was prrobably my idea.”

Coco glared at me with deadly deprecation.

Zoey gasped. “What is going on?”

Evelyn Wexler answered, “it musthave to do … two years ago, I had told Coco about my objections to her dates with Carl. I didn’t deem him good enough for Coco.” She explained, in lengthy detail, her reasons for deeming Coco’s and Carl’s relationship as doomed for failure.

Addie Singer had joined me and Zoey to the meeting of the sisters. “I know Carl’s younger brother, a student at Rocky Road named ‘Body Slam Bubba’2.”

Zoey looked at Addie. “Oh no, the world is so small. Is he a jock like his older brother?”

Addie nodded. “But way not as brute as Carl appears to be.”

Coco writhed in despair. She couldn’t stand Evvy’s patronising demeanour.

“Don’t tell me I haven’t warned you!”

We all know and hate those situations.

We had reserved a table in Sushi Rox.

Kazu started serving us.

Zoey wondered, “Miss Evelyn Wexler …”

“That’s Evvy for you,” suggested Coco’s elder sister.

Zoey nodded. “OK, Evvy, so you work as a renowned cook?”

Evvy nodded. “I work for Hôtel Chambrolay3 in New York.”

Zoey was impressed. “My dad knows the manager of Chambrolay’s in Hawaii.”

Evvy grinned. “Oh, Sir, you shrimp rolls, … she started talking about cooking details.”

Kazu gasped. He had never had such a competent customer. “I may sjhow you my kitchen. It had been destroyed last year by some careless kids, but now it is much newer and safer.”

Evvy nodded. “Afterwards, please!”

Kazu grinned. “Very well, ma’m!”

Evvy panted heavily. “OK, I’ve come to a conclusion. Coco should come with me to New York. It will be a better place. I may easily get her a job as a room maid at my hotel.”

We were all consternated.

Of course, the Pacific Coast Academy would have lost her only female dorm adviser.

But Coco had always tended to accomplish her duties in a somewhat messy manner. She would hardly have been a big loss.

Alas, Zoey didn’t see it this way. “Is that really necessary?”

Coco didn’t really care. She just wanted to be left rotting away, whether in Los Angeles, in New York City, or on some canibals’ island in the southern Pacific.

Evvy nodded solemnly. “She better starts afresh, with as few memories of her spoiled life as possible. Then she may finally stop mourning her wicked ex-lover. Plus I’m there for her, just in case.”

Zoey couldn’t really contradict.

But it was going to be a grave change.

Was this change really inevitable?

1
from iCarly : iTake On Dingo
2
several cameos in third season of Unfabulous
3
Hotels of this name in other cities are shown or mentioned e.g. in Zoey 101 : Chasing Zoey, iCarly : iRocked The Votes, Drake & Josh : Drake and Josh Go Hollywood

Chapter 44  Marissa Benson

44.1  Endless darkness

Dean Rivers had already started looking for a new dorm adviser for the girls.

Mr. Bradford still hadn’t granted more money for that avail.

And paying peanuts just gets you monkeys, doesn’t it?

Zoey was very sad about Coco’s impending departure, inspite of knowing very well about her excruciating drawbacks.

Other girls, including especially Lola Martinez and Quinn Pensky, were totally looking forward to a more responsible dorm adviser.

Today, the first canditate was expected.

I was hanging out in the girls’ foyer, waiting for Zoey.

Dean Rivers had assigned Zoey, Quinn, and Lola as a guide for those applying for the vacant position as a girls’ dorm adviser.

Clinging still to Coco, Zoey was very hard to convince.

The first interested woman arrived.

Her name was Marissa Benson.

Samantha’s best friend in Seattle had got neighbours named “Benson”.

Was there an incident?

Lola, Quinn, and Zoey took care of Marissa, right on sight.

Mrs. Benson didn’t make the impression of a messy wench like Coco, rather the contrary.

Quin and Lola grinned, secure in the knowledge of having found a really caring dorm adviser.

Zoey and her mates took Mrs. Benson for a guide across the campus.

I was left behind in the foyer.

Sam Puckett came back from the cafeteria with a bagel. She saw Marissa and the girls from behind.

Suddenly, her belly appeared to cramp badly.

Samantha doubled over and discharged her stommach right onto the floor.

I gasped. “Trisha? Or Sam? Are you OK? Do I have to call for the medc?”

Sam grunted at me, “nothing is OK, … but no medic needed.”

I helped her to sit down.

Sam panted heavily. “What does the ugly adult woman do here?”

I replied, “she’s applying dfor Coco’s job. Do you know her? Her name is Marissa Benson. Is she related to Fredward?”

Sam grabbed me and shoook me violently, making my marrow vibrate like a guitar chord. “In deed, she is the mother of Fredweeb Benson!”

My guess was OK.

But the situation wasn’t.

I wondered why.

Sam explained, “Marissa Benson as a dorm adviser means everlasting darkness. No hope! I’d rather jump off the cliffs than live under her supervision.”

I gasped. “Was it that bad?”

Sam mentioned a few details. “Fredward has to shampoo his hair twice, use a special tick bath, wear antiseptic diapers …”

I asked, “isn’t Freddie already like twelve years old?”

Sam nodded. “That’s it! Marissa Benson still treats her son like a little baby. And you know what that means for us girls here, in the case of being forced to live by Marissa’s rules?”

I tried to imagine.

Nothing good appeared to be in sight.

Sam bellowed, “we need to stop Marissa Benson!”

I agreed wholeheartedly.

No girl here deserved to be forced to take tick baths and wear antiseptic diapers.

We had to do something about it.

There were several possibilities to save the girls of Pacific Coast Academy from everlasting nightfall.

We could get Coco to refrain from quitting her job.

Or we could scare Marissa Benson away.

Or we could find someone better, right in time before Marissa Benson signing a contract.

Trisha aka Samantha was in favour of the second opportunity. “I’ll talk to my uncle Carmine1 and get him to make Marissa ‘disappear’.”

I gasped. “Isn’t that a bit too much?”

Sam sighed.

Unfortunately, I had to return to my classes.

There was a lot to do before the extinction of the lights.

44.2  Chained to mortality

The next classes were in chemistry.

Mrs. Bromwell was about returning our tests.

I was left with a D plus. I hadn’t expected any better. And I could definitely live with it for I was not expecting to go to a college, especialy not one of the ivy league.

Zoey gasped. She had only got a C plus.

Of course I would have been totally glad about such a mark.

But Zoey saw it slightly differently. “I have never giot worse than a B!”

Mrs. Bromwell cackled. “Then this is the first time.”

Logan didn’t show me his mark. He was no good, anyways.

Mrs. Bromwell suggested Zoey to get tutoring.

Zoey and tutoring?

I felt like hit by a concrete chunk/

Zoey had always been the one to tutor everyone across the campus.

But now she had fallen back into mortalit — the hard way.

Tutoring was thus necessary.

Mrs. Bromwell had already someone in mind.

But who?

Quinn could only tutor those as knowledgeable as herself.

I remembered Cal’s attempts of tutoring me. He had always made me feel like a scientist, after a few hours.

Mrs. Bromwell asked me, “are your curls natural or …”

I replied, “my bush is natural. I’m too lazy to …”

Mrs. Bromwell coughed, “I don’t believe it!”

I shrugged. I was really too lazy for endless apllictions to my hair.

And anti-flea shampoo, or whatever Marissa Benson was expecting from us kids, was outright abominable.

Mrs. Bromwell was going to ask the potential tutors first.

Zoey sighed. “I’ll have to guide Marissa a bit around. She’s certainly great.”

I was consternated. “You wouldn’t miss Coco?”

Zoey sighed. “It might hurt me. But with Marissa, everything would be clean, no empty cans of ravioli lying scattered all over the dormitory halls, and on and on and on it goes.”

I should have told Zoey about Sam’s facts concerning Mrs. Benson, shouldn’t I?

But she was probably not caring about it.

Really, Zoey’s way of caring about Dustin was just a slightly toned-down version of Mrs. Benson’s way of caring about Fredward.

So maybe I better left sleeping dogs in their current state.

44.3  I’ll try violence

Alas, a few hours later, my conscience pushed me into finding Zoey and telling her about Marissa Benson’s mischief.

She shouldn’t have heard about it from others.

I went to Brenner Hall.

Alas, her door was knocked.

There was no reply to my attempts of knocking.

Likewise, Zoey did not react to my phone call.

There was something wrong.

I called Lola.

The movie star of the future arribved a few minutes later with her key. “Quinn is still trying to catch her rat. We need to be careful, traps and stuff.”

Her voice was a bit annoyed.

Finally, we entered the dorm.

I gasped, almost shrieking to death.

Zoey and Logan were lying there on the single bed, totally asleep in each other’s arms.

Oh no!

That decadent creep had actually … how did he dare to touch Zoey?

I was not jealous.

But she deserved better than being one of Logan’s snacks between Dana Cruz and Maris Bingham.

Maybe Sam wasn’t all wrong.

I should have hired her uncle Carmine right away, both for disposing with Marissa Benson, and with Logan Reese.

Lola tried to shake Zoey awake.

I did the same to Logan.

But it was for no avail.

Alas, there was some stench in the air.

I started yawning.

Then my world went dark.

44.4  Tales of long ago

I woke up a few hours later in the room of Mindy Crenshaw.

What was I doing there?

The geek girl was fumbling with a huge syringe.

I gasped. “No! No syringe!”

Mindy grinned. “It’s too late.”

I looked at my barren arm, discovering a bleeding hole.

Mindy explained, “Quinn and I, we have developed a nervous gas in order to make the rat fall asleep. Apparently, it deals better with human than with rats … and this is the antidote.”

Lola wasn’t far away from us. She started waking up slowly.

Alas, this didn’t answer the question anout Logan and Zoey.

I was still ready to hire Carmine. “Logan will pay dearly for rurthlessly seducing Zoey!”

Mindy shrugged. “Aren’t you over Zoey?”

I nodded. “Sure, but Logan is no good for her.”

Mindy sighed. “Probably true, he’s even worse than Drake Parker, the jerk of San Diego. But don’t make too fast conclusions. or else … do you want to know how I found you and Lola?”

I went pale, panted, and coughed. “Honestly, it was just an accident!”

Mindy nodded. “I do believe you. But who else will?”

I stammered, “dunno … Oh, Zoey is a bit in trouble in chemistry … can’y you tutot her?”

Mindy grinned. “Hardly. Zoey hates being humiliated by geek girls.”

I sighed for despair.

Mindy continued, “besides, she has already got a tutor.”

I shrugged. “Who is it?”

MIndy cackled sadistically. “Logan Reese, ofg course! And that’s why they were found not only arm in arm, but with a sheet from a chemistry textbook between them.”

I protested. “Logan Reese? You’re joking! He’s dumber than a sloth.”

Mindy grinned and shook her head. “Really, he may hate science, but look at this …” She took a book off her shelf. “Advanced Molecular Chemistry … Now look at the cover! ”

I continued, “by Prof. J. Reese. … Reese?”

Mindy nodded. “exactly like Logan Reese. And they are related, like grandfather and grandson.”

I panted like a pack of elephants after a sprint.

Mindy explained, “Logan may have been locked intp his grandpa’s labortory as a little kid or stuff. That was long ago. That’s why he knows stuff about chemistry. But he sure doesn’t really understand it, and he definitely hates it, just like all jerks. He’s topo embarrassed to talk about it. He’d appear in a row with dweebs and dork like Josh Nichols. No jerks would want that.”

I sighed.

Dazed Lola had listened carefully. “Wow, that’s a cool story of old. Maybe I can blackmail Logan with it some day.” She smiled gleefully.

Mindy cackled with sadistic fervour. “Is your friend Michael still around? He plays the flute, doesn’t he?”

I confirmed that. “He hides in his wardrobe and plays it.”

Mindy continued, “according to an old German fairy tale, a man rid a medieval German of its rats city by luring the rodents away with the sound of his flute. Maybe that will work.”

I shrugged. “I hope so.”

44.5  Deliverance

Down to Mindy’s clarifications, I refrained from hiring Carmine in order to dispose with Logan Reese.

But this did not resolve the problem concerning Marissa Benson.

She was still the major threat for the Pacific Coast Academy.

There was no hope of deliverance from the darkness2 rigged and ready to seize us for good..

Too bad it was impossible to repair Coco’s broken heart like a broken water tap.

In the latter case, I’d have called the maintenance man in order to get it fixed.

But, hey, Gordy was still single, wasn’t it?

There ws an idea.

On the other hand, I had not been able to fix my own problems with girls. I’d have been such an exorbitanty miserable matchmaker for others.

Michael was hardly any help. He was still lusting for Lisa and hiding from Vanessa.

I had got a hard time talking him into using his flute in order to catch Quinn’s laboratory rat. I was now thinking of other suitable girl dorm advisers. I thought of horse-whispering lady Faye Dunnaway, then about Oprah Winfrey, …

After all, there was only one solution left:

Uncle Carmine needed to make Marissa Benson disappear from the face of this planet.

But he would sure have required a lot of many.

And Mindy had told me about the end of the fairy tale.

The rat hunter did not get his reward, and he got back at the citizens by luring away the city’s kids, too.

That was horrible!

My cellular phone rang.

I picked it up. “Chase Matthews …”

Irt was Evelyn Wexler. She coughed. “Mr. Matthews, there’s a little change in my plans.”

I sighed.

Was this good?

Evvy explained, “I’ve just found a new boyfriend here in California. Now I prefer to trade places with the cook of Hotel Chambrolay in Malibu. Thus I’d be closer to Coco, and she could stay here. I’d still be able to control her closely.”

I gasped. “So, Coco my still remain in her position as a dorm adviser?”

Evvy replied, “sure! That would be great. I could get her a job in Malibu’s Chmbrolay, too, but it would be better to let her stay at her beloved job at your school. Is that possible?”

I beamed for glee. “Hell yes!”

Thus Coco was going to stay in her office.

And the girls were saved from tick bath and antiseptic diapers.

Likewise, Lola and Zoey were saved from Quinn’s rat by Michael’s flute.

But who was Evelyn’s mystery boyfriend?

And was Coco really going to stabilise?

1
mentioned in iCarly : iLook Alike

here identified with Carmine from Zoey 101 : Walkathon

2
alludes to Hope Of Deliverance, a song from Paul MacCartney not owned by me, either.

Chapter 45  Football Fever

45.1  Edge of the knife

The football team of the Pacific CoastAcademy had reached the state play-offs.

Their next opponent was that of Belleview in San Diego.

As aforementioned, this was the school of Drake Parker.

Their captain was archdangerous Witherspoon1, the most feared captain of San Diego county.

Hell was going to break loose.

The bets were toe to toe.

Little things could mean victory or defeat for either side.

Vince Blake was of course the star of our team.

This made many girls swoon.

Even Stacey Dillsen ran around screaming, “Vince Blake … have you seen his arms? Aw, his arms!”

Nicole Bristow, inspite of being firmly tied to Nicholas Webber, squealed repetitively, “Vince is so cute! Don’t you think so, too? Tell me how cute she is!”

This was totally annoying.

Of course many cheerleader wenches such as Trina Vega were totally after Vince Blake.

But our whole success appeared to depend on the fitness of Vince Blake and maybe his closest henchmen, such as Comisar.

Missing out on them would have been disastrous.

Logan was prepoaring particularly hard to the match.

Aforementioned ‘Makeout’ Mandy Franlin was still the chief the cheerio squad of Belleview.

And Logan was still more or less into her, as much as into Dana, Trina, Maris, Patty, and so on. He was thus also trying top impress Belleview’s cheerleaders.

Wasn’t that sort of treason?

The worst possible sort of treason was, of course, considered to be that of doing anything in order to prevent Vince Blake from participating in the match.

45.2  Blood and moon

The next evening, I relaxed in our foyer.

During the last days, Zoey had been increasingly upset about the new contracts between Dean Rivers and the candy vendors. “He is only interested in the revenues and keeps on selling all the unhealthy junk like pingpongs2. Those ruin the metabolism and the teeth of kids like Dustin.” She was still awfully overprotective.

I shrugged. “Pingpongs are delicious! The perfect harmony of white sugar and artificial candy.”

Zoey glared at me and punched my shoulders. “Fortunately, this misery will soon come to an end. I have ordered moon bars from New York City.”

I was from the northeastern states, but I had never heard of them.

Moon bars appeared to be a really modern invention.

Addie came along. “Did you say moon bars?”

Zoey nodded solemnly.

Addie was close to vomiting her stomach into oblivion.

I wondered, “Addie? What’s wrong?”

She moaned, “those things taste like crap. Zachariah Carter Schawartx loves them, because they are non-violent and fully ecological.”

I shrugged. “Pingpongs all the way!”

Addie nodded wholeheartedly.

Staceie seemed to be of a similar opinion. She passed by us with a pair of pingpongs stuck at the ends of a cotton swab. She licked both of the balls alternatingly with glee.

Nicole seconded Stacey. “Aren’t pingpong sweet? Tell me how sweet they are!”

Stacey grinned. “Not as swet as Vince Blake, though!”

Nicole nodded. “Nothing can be as sweet as a few cute boys.”

Zoey scoffed at us. “You don’t know what’s good!” She walked away.

Weissman, a halfback of our football team, walked in. “Chase!@ What have you done?”

His voice was very angry.

I shrugged without a trace of a clue. “What?”

Weissman grunted, “Vince Blake can’t participate in the match against Belleview. And this is all your fault!”

I still didn’t get it. “I haven’t even touched Vince during the last weeks. How could he …”

Weissman just walked away.

Comisar bounded in, thundering at me, “you will pay for your backstab with your blood, I swear you do!” He spat at me and trotted away again.

Others started looking at me in a deprecating manner.

But what had happened?

Addie was intimidated. “That’s mean. You haven’t done anything to Blake.”

Mark del Figgalo slouched in.

His bleeding butt was full of spines.

I gasped, asking, “Mark? What has happened?”

Mark remained silend, unable to answer.

Quinn trotted after Mark, explaining, “nothing special. He has just sat on one of my cactus plants. Now Dr. Glazer has to remove the quills and bandage his sore butt.”

Mark limped away.

Addie coughed. “Who would want to sit on a cactus?”

I shrugged. “Probably one of Quinn’s experiments. Whatever …”

Lola had been following Quinn. “Hi Chase. I don’t want to watch Glazer fumbling at Mark’s filthy hindside.” She wrinkled her nose.

I sighed. “OK, you prefer me being beat up by football jocks?”

Lola gasped, “what?”

I tried to explain the situation. But I couldn’t really.

Lola suggested, “you need to tell Dean Rivers abourt the threat!”

I quivered. “So the football jocks will be banned, and the whole school will be mad at me for good?”

Lola sighed. “True. Noone will want to be your friend anymore.”

I sighed. “Maybe football jocks won’t want to mess with someone skilled in kungfu?”

Lola gasped, “you are a martial artist? My sister Shelby is a great martial artist, too!”

I shook my head. “My uncle from phoenic is a great martial artist3.”

Lola sighed. “Phoenix is lame. Plese let Shelby protect you! I need her as a action stunt double for me in one of your plays plays.”

I scratched my head. “Which play?”

Lola begged me on her knees. “Please! I want to be a hero in an action play, with blood and stuff.”

I sighed. “OK, Shelby it is!”

Lola and Shelby looked fairly similar.

Who was able to tell them apart?

45.3  Unrequited accusation

In any case, I hadn’t done anything to prevent Vince from missing out on a match.

Maybe Ashley knew the reason?

I had to talk to her in ordert o go through an old script for one of her plays, anyways.

Ashley stood arrogantly in front of me. “Chase Matthews, these sentences are too long. I hate long sentences. I want them short and expressive!”

Now I interrupted in order to talk about the inappriopriate accusations.

Ashley nodded. She explained, “you remember that stupid rule about bad marks and suspension from extracurricular activities?”

I nodded solemnly.

Ashley continued, “Vince wanted to prove his ability of obtaining the necessary marks without cheating. And he failed, only a D in recent biology test. And that’s all because of your moral sermon!”

I looked aghast. “I haven’t even talked to Vince about it.”

Vince appeared from around the corner. “Matthews! I won’t leave my fragile little sister alone with a dangeropus freak like you. What did you think?”

I stammered helplessly, “dunno?”

Vince cackled manically. He had listened my sermon from a hideout and wanted to prove it, failing miserably.

Where was Shelby? There she walked in. She wore a wide jacket, hiding her steel-like muscles. “Don’t dare to touch Chase, or else …”

For unaware Vince and Ashley, Shelby must have appeared like Lola.

Vinced cackled sadistically, “Lola wants to stop me?”

Ashley giggled noisily.

Vince called Comisar and his other henchmen into the room.

The gangsters tried to seize me and beat me to a bloody bulp.

Shelby span around on her left foot and kicked the mean gius where it hurt most. Then she punxched them against the wall.

Vince had not dared to join the carnage. “Lola?”

Shelby grinned. She removed her jacket. “I’m not Lola, I’m her little sister, Super-Shelby! Want a punch?”

Vince was consternated. He ran away screaming.

Shelby shook her head. “Too bad. I could really use a sparring partner with Vince’s size. But he seems to be such a coward.”

In any case, there was hardly any chance left for Pacific Coast Academy to win the championship.

Ashley trotted away. Her gaze didn’t promise anything good at all, though.

45.4  Fractured reality

The day of the match against the team of Belleview was here.

I didn’t want to watch.

After the match, everyone was going to shun me forever.

Thus I locked myself into my wardrobe.

Alas, the sound of desperate fans was heard from the lounge below.

Jeremiah Trottman talked at the top of his lungs. He had interviews all the players, asking them “why are we going to lose the match against Belleview?” How could he ask it this way even before the start of the match?

But it was so obvious.

The Pacific Coast Academy was going to lose badlky without Vince.

And everyone was going to blame me.

I stuffed my ears, not willing to listen to the signs of my upcoming doom.

Shelby stood outside the wardrobe, “Chase, I’m here, you may come out. You may impossibly hide here forever.”

Alas, I shivered and trembled all over the place. “You can’t be everywhere!”

Shelby grunted, “not everyone hates you. Hardly anyone knows exactly the whole reason for Vince being mad at you, only rumoured fragments and smithereens. Otherwise Vince would have to admit in front of everyone inclusing Dean Rivers to his standard method of passing tests.”

But this was not really reassuring.

Shelby finally lost her patience. She grabbed the door knob, pulled it widely open, and grabbed and armlocked me. “It’s for you r better. Noone will respect a loser hiding for good in a wardrobe.”

I winced. “This hurts!”

Shelby nodded. “Good! That will teach you to walk erect across teh campus instead of slouching like a sloth. You may wear a hooded top, for easing your mind.”

45.5  Dangerous illusion

I finally succumbed to Shelby’s tyrannic grip.

At east she guided me through the back exit.

We walked th campus.

There were not many people.

Most of them were stuck in the lounges or in the spectators’ area of the footbal field.

My hood proteted me for many minutes.

But, finally, it slipped off my bushy air.

I was ready to face my doom, with or without my bodyguard’s skills.

All of a sudden, many pupils squealed aloud, “the bushy head has saved us!”

I did not uinderstand.

Zoey walked our way. “Hi, Chase! You’ve been great!”

I gasped. “What is going on?”

Jeremiah Trotytman stumbled my way. “A short interview with our match winner, Chase Barrtholomew Matthews.”

I was totally confused. “Which match? I mean …”

Ashley Blake came along. She grabbed the microphone. Hi! Who cares about the bush skull.

Trottman asked Ashley, “oh, Miss Blake, as it seems, the Stingrays may even win without your brother.”

Ashley commented, “hey, they may have won this match, but Vince will soon be back again, and sure riding high! Forget about Matthews!”

I shrugged, still clueless. Why had I been the matchwinner?

Fortunately, Jeremiah Trottman’s inverview with Ashley Blake saved me from talking.

After all, Trottman and many others believed me having participated in the match, and in a very successful manner.

I grinned evilly.

Finally, Trottman walked away in order to interview others.

Ashley grabbed my elbow. “OK, you capital shrubbery! I guess you need an ewxplanation.”

I nodded solemnly. “THat would be nice!”

Ashley smiled. “Vince was not syupposed to participate, but he did, using a different name, viz. Chase Matthews!”

I gasped for consternation.

Ashley whistled innocently. “This school has got a perfect drama club, with a perfect costume storage, including a perfuct bush-head’s wig, and we’ve got a perfect mask buildner, viz. Nicole Bristow.”

I started understanding. “Vince was wigged? Looking like … me?”

Ashley grinned. “Very good!”

I shivered and moaned, “that’s evil! Very evil!”

Ashley shrugged carelessly. “Maybe it is!”

Shelby giffled. “I would have subbed for Vince, using Lola’s identity, in order to save your team for this match. But Ashley already had got a better idea.”

I gasped. “Wasn’t Vincent in tutoring classes?”

Ashley chuckled. “A cardboard Vince, yes!”

I moaned, “the teacher swallowed the cardboard figure?”

Ashley nodded solemnly. “Really, the teacher was more interested in the football match than in tutoring the pupils. He has hardly ever been in the room.”

I shrugged. “Pretty dumb.”

Ashley grinned. “Of course your fame won’t last forever. Vince will be back for the next match.”

I sighed.

The illusion of Vincent’s absence had finally caused the downfall of

Believing too much in my illusionary popularity would, likewie, have been my downfall …

1
from Drake & Josh : Football
2
cf. Zoey 101 : Defending Dustin
3
identifies Coach Matthews from iCarly : iCook as relative of Chase.

Chapter 46  Hobknocker Club

46.1  I remember when she loved me

The next day, there was a new girl on the campus.

Her name was Sarah1.

Or so she said.

I didn’t know where she was coming from. I had to help her around the campus.

This task was, as usual, rather clumsy. Unfortunately, it was made a lot harder by my memories of Zoey’s arrival at the Pacific Coast Academy.

In my mind, I saw my self over and over riding my bake into the flag staff and falling to the ground.

Sarah must have been somewhat confused by my stupid slips. She was more arrogant and nowhere near as sweet and charming as Zoey Brooks.

In addition, her hair and skin were totally different from Zoey’s.

Sarah had asiatic ancestors.

Zoey was a pure-read white anglo-axon.

But this striking differences did not prevent me from being confused by my memories.

I may thus have thought to be over Zoey.

But things were apparently not easy.

By now, Sarah must have thought me incredibly insane, and not only because of my bushy hair.

Finally, I arrived at rthe entrance of Brenner Hall, the residence of Sarah.

She didn’t even have a family name.

According to Mr. Conroy2, Sarah’s father has recently moved to Los Angeles for a new job of a vice president of some pasta producer.

Stacey was the first girl to stumble into.

I told her to guide Sarah to her dorm.

Sarah showed Stacey her accomodation sheet.

Stacey squealed, “we’re in the same dorm!” She jumped up and down for excitement. “I’m Stacey Dillsen from Swampscott in Massachusetts …”

Sarah was terribly annoyed by Stacey’s lisp.

Stacey and Sarah trotted off.

I sighed for relief.

The painful memories finally sifted away from my mind, at least for the time being.

46.2  Mysterious stranger

I had gone back to my dorm.

Michael was preparing some project. He was still horribly afraid of Vanessa’s and Farfalla’s revenge.

I told him about the new girl.

Michael screamed. “Oh no!”

I wondered, “you don’t even know about her.”

Michael stammered, “and that is it, exactly. Nobody knows her. She must be a serial killer and a spy sent forth by Vanessa and Farfalla in order to kill me for leaving them for Lisa.”

I shrugged. “But you still haven’t fessed up to Lisa.”

Michael continued, “I can’t, for otherwise Vanessa’s and Farfalla’s henchmen are going to get me.” He hid under his bed again.

Mark was cowering silently in his corner, waiting for Quinn to pick him for dinner.

And this was the moment awaited by Mark.

Quinn stumbled through the door. “Are you ready Mark?”

Her boyfriend nodded solemnly.

Quinn grabbed him. “OK, sweetheart, one thing, there’s a new girl on the campus, half Chinese and half European. I’ve never seen her before!”

I gasped.

Quinn must have been talking about Sarah.

OK, they lived in the same dormitory story.

So what?

Quinn told Mark, “don’t ever look at her, even less, talk to her!”

Mark did not understand. He grunted silently.

I told Quinn, “hey, you don’t need to be that jealous. No normal girl will ever be interested in Mark.”

Ouch!

Maybe I should nothave phrased it exactly this way?

Quinn’s right elbow twitched.

She touched her wrist watch.

A laser beam shot forth from it and punctured my belly skin slightly.

I screamed briefly.

Quinn grunted, “never talk about my sweetheart in this way! I’m not jealous!” She grabbed Mark and dragged him out.

Michael did not believe in Quinn’s lack of jealousy. He moaned, “Poor Mark! Quinn will torture him as much as Vanessa and Farfalla are going to torture me.”

This was not going to go anywhere.

Ashley stumbled in. “Hi Chase!”

I wasn’t in a good mood.

Ashley’s visits were never up to any good, either.

I grunted, “hi!”

Ashley grinned maniacally. “OK, my new body guard has arrived. I asked Mr. Conroy. He sent me your way.”

I gasped. “Sarah?”

Ashley shrugged. “Maybe? Just go and show me to her!”

So, Sarah was most likely Ashley’s new body guard.

I wondered, “why is Vince no longer …”

Ashley grabbed me rudely. “Vince can’t be my bodyguard, learn for his history test, and train for the next football match at the same time. Thus mom has ordered a junior body guard, the best of all those passing as a high school girl.”

I shrugged.

Of course it made a lot of sense.

The mystery about Sarah was reveiled.

Wait!

This did not yet explain Quinn’s obscure behaviour towards Sarah.

46.3  Quaking need

I had been guiding the little diva to Sarah’s dormitory room.

On our way there, we had been submityted to waves of violent noises.

Ashley did not care.

But I was initimidated.

Nicole appeared to be particularly high on excitement. She talked thrice as much about cute boys as usual.

Even worse, Dana had been succumbed to a similar demeanour.

What was going on.

Stacey explained, “the moon bars are gone!”

Dana protested, “I want more moon bars!”

According to Addie, those things tasted abominably.

I asked Zoey about them.

She smiled sweetly. “Oh, they aren’t that terrible anymore. Quinn treated them with some cactus juice. Now they taste heavenly.”

I was curious. “Have you got one for me?”

Zoey shook her head. “They have been gone withing a few hours. Nicole and Dana are the main culprits.”

I was consternated.

Nicole and Dana were turning downright furious, yelling for more and more of those excessively delicious snacks.

Zoey shook her head. “Quinn must have added something to those bars, such as heroine.”

Lola shrieked. “Or it was the new girl? She is here in order to poison all of us.”

Zoey rebuked Lola brashly for making those rude remarks without a shred of a proof.

Jeannie Bray walked in. “Hello! They have just stormed the last vendor machine selling moon bars, makig it burst into smithereens.”

This must have been the source of the horrible noises heard on my way from my dormitory block to those of the girls.

Ashley and Sarah walked away.

Lola glared at Sarah with terror in her eyes. “Quinn will prove her fraud.”

The geek girl was probably still away with Mark.

Lola was apparently addicted, too.

Zoey was more resistent to drugs in general than most other girls.

Finally, Quinn returned from supper.

Lola leaped towards the nerdface. “Quinn, the new girl has poisobned us! You have to …”

Quinn thundered at Lola, “don’t even dare to talk about the new one!”

Lola screamed and started hiding in a corner.

Zoey shook her head.

Quinn explained, “I fear it isn’t poison … it’s the cactus juice.”

Zoey wondered, “the one from your Guadalajara cactus?”

Quinn corrected Zoey, “Guadalapecho!”

Zoey shrugged.

Quinn explained, “the juice of the Guadalepecho cactus contains no fat or carbonhydrates, but an addictive alkaloid. This addictions had once lead to a war destroying the whole civilisation of Guadalapecho. It took Cal a lot of efforts getting me those cactus, though, as they are extremely rare and even illegal in a few states, such as Texas, Arizona, and New Mexico, the only places in the United States potentially suitable for cultivating Guadalapecho’s.”

Zoey was consternated. “Quinn! How dare you!”

Quinn accused Zoey, “you wanted both healthy and tasty snacks!”

Zoey gasped. “Drugs are hardly healthy!”

Quinn shrugged. “That’s subjective.”

Zoey grunted angrily. “Making us all addicted is nowhere near subjective! And getting stomped to death by a stampede of wild fellow students awaiting fresh moon bars is not close to subjective, either.”

Now there was a real problem.

46.4  Silver glass

Quinn was now going to work hard on fixing the moon bar problem.

At the same time, I met Vince in the lounge.

He was confident for both the test in history and the upcoming football match.

The next opponents were going to be the team of well-known James K. Polk.

According to Jeremiah Trottman, the ‘Wolves’ had smashed their opponents from Silver Spring like glass.

I almost pitied that team.

But Billy Loomer, the quarterback of James K. Polk, had been unstoppable.

Of course, Jerry Crony was intimidated by the upcoming visit of the team of James K. Polk’s.

I had asked Sarah to take care of him.

Shelby would have been great, too, for that goal. But she was now for a martial match in New York.

Lola sighed. “My cousin Victoria Vega studies at Silver Springs. She has been thoroughly disappointed by the defeat of her team.”

I gasped briefly. “Vega? Such as in Trina Vega?”

Lola went pale.

I asked. “Are you related to that obnoxious wench?”

Lola saw no way to escape. She panted heavily and sighed aloud. “OK, Trina is my cousin. I’m not keen on that relationship. But Tori is cool. She looks like me, Shelby, and Viviana.”

Of course it was not Lola’s fault to be Trina Vega’s cousin.

Alas, I feared Trina ganging up with Billy Loomer against Jerry Crony.

Thus we had to be even more careful.

Vince remarked, “Silver Springs is also the home of the Silver Hammers.”

I scratched my head. “Should I have heard about them?”

Vince boomed, “but of course! They are an elitary club. Many politicians, athletes, actors, and so on have been there. It’s lile Lions or Rotarians, just for younger people, between 16 and 25, from all over California.”

I gasped. “Playwrights, too? I mean, besides politicians, athletes, and stuff.”

Vince nodded. “Sure! Everything famous! Anyways, I have to be in there. They are certainly also hammering us sophomores at Pacific Coast Academy. They do so at all high schools near Los Angeles.”

I sighed. I did not really approve of those elitary stuff. It sounded so ‘loganish’ …

Was that even a word?

Who cared.

According to Vince, new members were knocked with a silver hammer.

Did it usually heard?

I hoped to be able to avoid them at any cost.

Lola, on the other hand, wanted to make it there at any cost. “Maybe I just need to flirt a bit with their elders. They are good kissers, right?”

I shuddered for excruciating disgust.

46.5  A darker pride

The next evening, I met Samantha Puckett in the lounge.

She moaned, “What is Kyla doing at this school?”

I scratched my chin. “Kyla?”

Sam chuckled. “Don’t feign innocence. She’s your new girlfriend, right? How did you get her hereto?”

I gasped. “My new girlfriend? What are you talking about?”

Sam laughed. “You’ve been seen hang out with the new girl. Don’t try to deny it!” She was definitely talking about Sarah. But why did she call her “Kyla”?

I replied, “I just guided the new one across the campus, to her dorm. And her name is Sarah!”

Samantha Puckett laughed at the top of her lungs. “Dream on, you dork!”

I gasped.

Sam continued, “you really want to make me believe that? No way! Kyla has to be your new one, or Sarah, if you like.”

Those rumours were terrible.

Quinn had believed in Sarah being into Mark.

But this was the top of the absurdity of rumours.

I explained, “Sarah Kyla is really just Ashley’s new body guard, replacing Vince.”

Sam chuckled. “I do know Sarah since infancy. We have been together at Seattle’s beauty pageants.”

I was now dazed. “You were a pageant girl?”

Sam nodded. “Exactly! I was, but then my closest competitor came flying downstairs, and I was excluded for seven years.” She chuckled proudly.

I wondered, “but why should a former pageant girl not be a body guard?”

Sam sighed. “OK, you’re right. Quinn has also been in those pageants, and now she’s a nerd. Things happen. I have just hoped for you to find a new girlfriend pretty soon.”

I replied, “a body guard will hardly be into dweebs. But thanks for your concerns.”

Sam nodded. “Too true!”

Alas, Sam had just reveiled Quinn Pensky as a former pageant girl.

This may have explained Quinn’s aggressive demeanour as of recent.

I asked, “Quinn might be mighty embarrassed.”

Sam nodded. “She will hardly be proud of her ‘dark’ past as a pageant girl. So don’t spread the news! I’ve been Quinn’s friend for many year. She was the reason for Principal Franklin from my local elementary school to send me to Pacific Coast Academy. We have not only bee together to pageants, but we’ve also started together to learn blowing the trombone. Thus I’ve done everything to refrain from embarrassing Quinn, even to the degree of denying to know her. Zoey would have been really mad at Quinn for that.”

I promised to refrain from talking about Quinn’s past.

1
Sarah from Zoey 101 : Silver Hammers is identified with Kyla from True Jackson VP : Flirting With Fame
2
cameo in Zoey 101 : Silver Hammers

Chapter 47  The Last Battle

47.1  Shattered reflections

The Silver Hammers had finally knocked their new members.

Lola and Zoey had been the first to be hit with the hammer.

Unfortunately, I had been cornered and was knocked, as well.

Same was, of course, valid for Vince Blake.

But, as opposed to Vince, I did not want to join. I looked around. “Anyone here willing to join the Silver Hammers?”

Stacey Dillsen jumpud up and down. “Me!”

I shrugged. “OK, there it is …” I gave her a silver needle, the sign of membership of the society.

Stacey squealed emphatically. “I’ve heard about many great artists coming forth from the Silver Hammers.”

I shrugged. “Probably.”

Stacey continued, “And Vince Blake has already been chosen. Aw! Vince Blake!” She swooned beyond any limit. “Have you seen his legs? They are so strong and sexy. Aw! His legs!”

I shuddered for disgust.

Why could Stacey not refrain from swooning all over the place?

Michael had been knocked, as well.

I tried hard to get him to refrain from joining.

But he saw this as his last chance to impress Lisa Perkins. “She can’t turn doen a Hammer. And Vanessa and Farfalla will fear the wrath of the Hammers and refrain from getting back at me.”

I shrugged.

But there was no way to break Michael’s enthusiasm.

Stacey had been gone for a few minutes. Now she came back with Nicole.

The bimbo wench grinned. “Hi Chase! Will you help me make Stacey look like you?” She had already done that once with Vince.

And now it was Stacey’s turn.

Nicole already held a wig in the likeness of my bushy head in her hands.

Alas, neither Ashley nor Lola were going to give us the key to the costume storage.

And we needed some tools from there in order make Stacey look less girlish.

But Nicole thought about tricking Lola. “She’s dumber than a dead pig.”

I scratched my head.

The intensity of the attempts of the pupils to make it into the club of the Silver Hammers was incredible, and as diverse as the motivations for joining..

But was disappointment really no option?

I assumed the whole society to be much less cool than claimed.

And then the poor members’ shining hopes were going to be like shattered by a heavy silver hammer.

Oops!

47.2  Blue mists

I was looking for Lola and Zoey.

But only Quinn ws in their dorm. Of course, she was the only one left out by the scouts of the Silver Hammers. She was experimenting with matrasses and other test tubes filled with steaming and bubbling liquids of multiple colours.

Mark was sitting silently in a corner.

Quinn did not allow him to leave anywhere without her written consent.

One of them was cyan blue, emanating some equally blue fog. It hissed like a serpent.

I shuddered. “So … Lola and Zoey ain’t back?”

Quinn shook her head. “I need to concentrate on these vital experiments.”

I choked. “You don’t mix some poison in order to kill Sarah?”

Of course, the dialogue with Samantha Puckett had reveiled the reasons of Quinn’s violent mood.

Quinn gasped. “Never mention this name again!”

I shrugged sadly.

Quinn bellowed, “I’m going to invent something in order to make the moon bars taste better. Unfortunately, Cal has not been able to provide me with new cactuses. So I tried to mix in ‘Frazz’, an energy softdrink developed last year.1 it was delicious, but too powerful for its own good. Combining it with the moon bars will be the ultimate tasteful power moon bar.”

I smiled. “That sounds yummy!”

Quinn grinned. “You think so? It’s great! Then you won’t mind tasting the violet liquid …”

I choked badly. “I’m on a no-violet-liquids diet. Or so told me Dr. Glazer!”

Quinn shrugged. Then she swallowed the test tube’s contents in one bout. “Yummy!” She beamed brightly.

Suddenly, Stacey Dillsen walked in. Shge was weeping over and over.

I concluded, “the initiation ceremony of the Silver Hammers is already over?”

Stacey screamed, “no!”

Her tears pured down like the cataracts of Niagara.

I couldn’t help but take her into my arms for a moment. “What happened, Stacey?”

Otherwise her tears would have stained the floor, upsetting Lola and Zoey upon their return.

She reported, “they have disbelieved my disguise. I had to say something.”

Her lisp must have betrayed her.

Alas, she had also offered the elders a cotton swab sculpture as a gift.

One of them had smashed it right away with his silver hammer.

That was horribly mean.

Not wanting her in their stupid club did not entitle them to destroy something having required several days of hard work in one swipe.

Finally, Stacey recovered from that acute grief. She slouched away.

It was now too late to wait in the girls’ rooms, anyways.

Quinn told me to takle Mark along with me and keep him strictly away from Sarah.

47.3  I covet you

Now I was back in my dorm.

Mark was still not sure about Quinn’s recent demeanour.

And I had promised not to tell him.

Samantha had been very serious about it.

Michael was now finally coming back from the initiation ceremony.

I wondered, “So, are you now a proud member of ’organisationThe Society Of The Silver Hammers?”

Michael coughed. “Your voice sounds somewhat sarcastic.”

I could not deny that.

My objections against that stupid club were already well-known among the pupils of the Pacific Coast Academy.

Michael sighed. “Not quite. By the way, Stacey had actually tried to sneak in, dressed as you.” He laughed hysterically.

I didn’t want to hear anything about it. “That’s not nice!”

Michael sighed deeply. Then he continued, “Now, there is sort of a test for us.”

I wondered about this criterium.

Michael explained, “I have to serve the elders of the society as a tooth cleaner, for one whole week.”

I awas almost compelled to puke all over. “What?”

Michael repeated his task. “But I’m going to go through it! Lisa will be impressed and won’t turn me down any longer. Likewise, Vanessa and Farfalla, will stay away from me for awe.” I was still totally hankering after poor pop star Lisa perkins.

His cravings had grown up to insane dimensions.

No reasonable guy would have degraded himself to a toothpick for a bunch of tooters.

I wondered, “what about Lola and Zoey?”

Michael chuckled. “Lola has to shave the elders of the club. Likewise, Zoey has to feed them.”

Now my stomach was no longer willing to stay quiet.

I had to exonerate it in one bout.

Zoey and Lola had gone insane as well.

Now it was already too late to discuss about the stupid club.

I crawled into my bed, falling into a strange day dream.

A masked ninja showed up at the window and fired an arrow into our room.

I woke up. But nobody was there anymore.

Mark was fast asleep.

Michael kept on swooning for Lisa.

47.4  Irresistible coercion

Early next morning, I woke up, seeing an arrow stuck in the wall, right above Mark’s head.

The dream had not been a dream, but bitter reality.

Mark was gone.

What had happened?

I crossed the campus, all alone.

Addie and Wendy crossed my way.

Addie remarked, “Michael has really gone out of his way for that Lisa Perkins. Those Silver Hammers stink like dung.”

I nodded solemnly.

Wendy sighed. “I do understand him.”

I scratched my chin. “Drake?”

Wendy Gellar nodded sadly. She told me about a few details from her stalking phase.

But what was there to do about it?

There was no way for Michael to resist the compelling force.

He just had to stalk Lisa all over.

Likewise, Wendy had been coveting Drake for several weeks for equally no avail.

We met Mark.

He grumbled, “where is Quinn?”

We shrugged.

Mark held a sheet in his end. “Tomorrow, an arrow with this message tied to it was stuck above my head.”

I shrugged helplessly.

Mark explained, “Quinn has been participating in beauty pageants, at the age of five. SShe never told me. Dis you know?”

I sighed. “She didn’t want you to know about it.”

Mark asked, “But why, pray tell? I’m her boyfriend. She may talk to me about everything.”

I replied, “Quinn is embarrassed about it. Thence she has never wanted you to hear about it.”

Mark shrugged and walked away. But what did he think about the whole thing?

Then we found Zoey at a table with several elders of the Silver Hammers. She had to feed them with barbecue stuff. She got really whipped around.

Michael was waiting with some tooth-cleaning tools. He looked like a monkey.

I still did not understand people’s motivations for sinking so low.

Wendy Gellar was really sad. She recognised her former self in Michael barret, over and over again.

47.5  The razor’s edge

The week was not all complete.

There was still one day to go for the wannabe hammers.

But this was the day of the final match of the Californian football championship at high schools.

I sat down on the bleachers, next to Lola and Zoey.

Jerome Crony aka Olivary Biallo was hiding under the bleachers, right behind my smelly butt.

They were already excited.

Alas, Lola complained a lot. “I have to shave the hairy backs of the elders. And they are incredibly bad kissers. That stinks! And the razor blade for shaving them is already blunt due to their many pimples and sweat incrustations.” She almost puked.

Michael, a member of the football squad waved past while racing past us.

Zoey explained, “It’s downright disgusting feeding them. Michael must be even worth off picking his teeth.”

I told them, “it’s all your fault. You shouldn’t have gone for that loser club.”

They glared at me with dismay.

How did I dare to say something against their noble society?

The match was now on.

Logan and Michael tried to distract Loomer on the left, and then send Weissman and Vince Blake right down the middle.

I had to pass Ashley another pair of binoculars, with extra magnification.

She wanted to be able to see her brother’s triumphant grin.

Alas, Michael’s action failed miserably.

Logan shouted brashly at Michael.

I could not hear the words.

But it was no good.

Michael continued playing in a disastrous manner, flunking many spontaneous moves and well-rehearsed manoeuvres.

Fortunately, Vince alone was good enough for four players.

But he always had to fetch the ball from behind and make his way towards the endzone almost on his own.

Too bad Serth Powers and Suzanne Crabgrass always blocked his way.

Finally, Vince Blake was exhausted. He broke down on the field.

The whole school was dismayed.

Ashley was even more consternated. She bellowed at everyone like a fury.

I had never seen her in such a bad mood.

The team was down by 10 points already.

Coach Keller had already given up. And now he had to find a replacement for Vince. “OK, unchain Samanth Puckett!” He sounded totally desperate.

Sam had never trained with the team. But she was a born lone fighter.

Cheerio Melanie clenched her fist. “Go, Sam, go,” bellowed she across the pitch.

Addie took her guitar and started playing and singing Sam, the Stingray Gladiator2

Quinn chimed in with her trombone.

The cheerleaders were finally working properly. They had almost exclusively cheered for Vince. But down to Addie’s song, they started pushing the whole team.

Addie sang, “and the cheerioes yell and dnace to my guitar’s performance.”

Sam grabbed the ball at the middle line and cut through the defenses of James K. Polk like a polished razor blade through dry stalks.

Finally …

“Touchdown!” yelled Jeremiah Trottman.

Our team was now only four points down.

Logan Reese succeeded thereupon with a two-point conversion.

Five seconds before the end, Samantha scored a fieled goal from 66 yards, securing a win by one point.

This was the first Californian football trophy for the Pacific Coast Academy after several decades.

Samantha Pucket roared, “Sam is the winner! Sam is the winner!”

Melanie huggled her sister proudly.

Loomer was in a particularly stinky mood and swore revenge.

And Michael was now this school’s laughingstock.

Where was this going to?

1
cf. Zoey 101 : Spring Break-Up
2
spoof off Take Me To The Matador, song by Jeffries and Garlands not owned by me, either.

Chapter 48  Martial Fever

48.1  Laughter of the ages

It was the day after the decision of the judges of the Silver Hammers.

Michael cringed for increasingly excruciating agony, and he kept on whimpering and weeping.

I had to bear this all night long.

The elders of the society had been content with the slave jobs accomplished by the postulants.

But this had not been all.

The new potentioal members had to decide against one of their own.

Zoey was disgusted by such a rule. She had thereupon insulted the elders and walked out.

Lola followed her.

Almost everyone else did, one by one.

Michael was the only one left. He had not had the guts to do anything. He just wanted to hide from the masses of pupils waiting outside, ready to laugh their butts off upon spotting him.

But the elders did not want Michael, anyways.

Michael had to make it through some seemingly endless gauntlet.

People of all generations made fun of him while passing by them.

And he could have been lucky about the victory, owed to the very efforts of Samantha Puckett.

Otherwise he would have been hated to death for his abominable performance during the match, in particular for having caused overburdened Vincent Blake to collapse in the middle of the showdown.

Vince was still under Dr. Glazer’s care.

But Ashley was not one for to forgiving easily, and ready to strike any time.

Alas, Michael might have stood through everything with the prospects of conquering the ehart of Lisa Perkins.

Alas, his dream girl had just shaken her head about Michael’s idiotic demeanour.

Lisa’s laughter about Michael, inspite of being fairly subtled, weight more than the murderous taunts of all the others.

Ashley bounded in. She was certainly going to threaten Michael with everything painful imaginable.

Michael twitched and shivered like the ultimate idiot.

Ashley chuckled. “OK, Michael, you are so going to pay for everything!”

My friend cowered under his covers.

Ashley pulled at the loose end of the blanket. “I know you are there!”

I gasped. “Hey, can’t Michael pay for his debts by slave services? He is a skilled toothpicker. He has saved one of the elder hammers from parodontosis.”

Ashley gasped. “OK, Barret, take care of my teeth!” She opebned her smelly mouth.

Michael coughed. “Chase! Why did you have to suggest this?”

I shrugged. What else should I have done?

Michael picked Ashley’s teeth with grudge and with disgust.

48.2  Blood wars

During the evening, I sat in the school garden, accompanying Michael.

Only few pupils ever made it out here.

The Blake clan was certainly not going to waste its time between strange trees and flowers.

Thus Michael was faily safe here. He relaxed in the shadows and started playing his flute.

An old blues filled the still air.

Zoey and Lola must have been following us.

We were a bit puzzled.

Zoey told us, “I’ve just been accepted to the wrestling team.”

I congratulated her.

But Zoey shook her head. “I’ve never tried out for. I just happened to separate two fighting middle school kids, preventing a bloody war.”

I had prevented a vendetta by telling Ashley about Michael’s expertise in tooth picking. Now I suggested “why doesn’t Lola’s sister teach you wrestling?”

Lola gasped. “Did you have to tell Zoey?”

Zoey shrugged. She had not known about Shelby’s visit.

Lola would have loved to fool Zoey and other friends with Shelby’s intriguing similarity.

Zoey shrugged, “is Shelby a wrestler?”

Lola shrugged. “Dunno exactly. But she kicks and punches hard and gets rarely ever hit.”

Zoey sighed. “Maybe I should give it a try.”

Lola moaned, “as you wish …”

The girls walked away.

Michael continued playing a jazz tune.

Then Wendy and Addie bounded in. “Hi!”

I greeted them back.

Michael was too apathetical for that.

Wendy sat down next to Michael and told him about her former crush on Drake Parker.

Michael didn’t really want to listen unto anyone.

Wendy Gellar continued. “Finally, I’ve started producing tunes on my computer. Drake was no longer my deadly crush, but he still inspired me. You are a gifted composer, too.”

Michael gasped. “You suggest me to … compose even more?”

Wendy nodded solemnly. “If you want, we can work together on a tune.”

Michael shrugged, moaning, “maybe, better than blowing my tongue all alone into nothingness.”

Wendy grinned. She opened her laptop. “The remaining power suffices for like 20 minutes. I may just show you some things in progress.”

Michael nodded.

Within a few minutes, Michaels thought about blood and violence had disappeared.

48.3  Shooting star

The following days, Zoey took up training for the wrestling team.

Shelby didn’t go easy on Zoey Brooks.

But it was still better than training with perverse jocks like Logan Reese and Duke Blatzberg1.

Logan still accused Zoey of having spoiled the basketball team. He did so inspite of having turned more and more unable to perform successful free throw.

But should I have expected any better from that jerk?

In any case, I needed to massage Zoey’s feet after the hard training with Shelby.

Michael helped me. Upon coming together with Wendy, he had been over Lisa Perkins. But maybe he was up to writing a song for her.

Quinn and Lola were massaging Zoey’s shoulders.

Zoey moaned, “Shelby just taught me a few new techniques, such as a shooting star.”

I shrugged. “A planet firing missiles at you?”

Zoey giggled.

Quinn gave a long scientific explanation about little cosmical objects known as shooting stars.

I had no clue about that.

Michael and Lola were ot much more enlightened, either.

Alas, Zoey had not meant it literally.

It was a really complicated wrestling move.

Alas, Shelby had made some remarks causing Zoey to worry.

According to the martial princess, most boys refused to fight against girls. It was considered totally uncool.

Losing out to a girl makes them weaklings.

Fighting successfully makes them abusers.

Zoey wondered, “so why am I going through all this torture, anyways?”

I shrugged helplessly.

Addie and Wendy walked in.

Wendy was appointed with Michael for dinner in Sushi Rox. She had got a few news. “Hey! Now I know Evvy Wexler’s reasons for having changed her mind and transferred to Chambrolay’s branch here in Malibu.”

Zoey was really curious.

Wendy grinned. “The reason is … Kazu.”

We looked puzzled.

Wendy told us about frequent phone calls between Kazu and Evvy. She must have been really attentive while waiting for her sushi.

Michael squealed for glee. “That’s cool!”

Zoey, Quinn, and Lola nodded solemnly.

Addie watched Zoey’s martial efforts. “Maybe Body Slam Bubba may give you a few hints.”

I explained unto Zoey, “one of Addie’s friends from her old school, the younger brother of the softball team’ coach Carl.”

Zoey nodded, “OK, every bit helps.”

48.4  Approaching doom

Two days later, Addie had contacted Body Slam Bubba.

Zoey was already waiting anxiously.

Addie made an iteresting remark about the wrestling stuff. “Last morning, I called Body Slam Bubba. He has been participating in the last wrestling nationals.”

Zoey sighed. “The next state championships are around the corner, taking place right here at Pacific Coast Academy.”

I shrugged. “And so?”

Addie explained, “the Californian and national champion of Zoey’s weight class is one Chuck Javers. He’s invinsible. There’s a video of Javers on the interweb.”

We walked over to the laptop and plugged it in.

Addie gave us the web address.

Chuck Javers was apparently an untamable killer machine.

Zoey went pale.

Javers broke everyone and everything in his way, girl or boy alike. He was probably not going to care about aforementioned sexist wrestling code.

Addie continued, “Bubba has also told me something very interesting.”

We wanted to know.

Addie explained, “the team from Michigan had employed a very stupid strategy. They sent a girl into the ring for the first turns of the tournament. The boys refusaed to fight her, so she made it autoimatically into the final match against Chuck Javers. Chuck, of course, destroys everyone equally. Then they feigned an injury of the girl, and replaced her with a much stronger and fresh sub. Alas, the latter was still too feeble for Chuck Javers.”

Zoey gasped. “Could that be our coach’s intention?”

Their sb would have been Scott Ridgemont, aforementioned cousin of Dana Cruz.

I shrugged helplessly.

Lola meamed. “That’s great! So Zoey wouldn’t have to fight.”

But Zoey was not exactly glad about that. Quite the contrary, she was downright upset. “So I’m supposed to do nothing for several turns, and then pretend to be badly injured? Sorry, not with me, guys!”

I asked, “so you’re retire from the whole thing?”

Zoey shook her head. “I’m going to fight Chuck Javers to the death if necessary.”

Lola squealed, “but Chuck will squish you like a dead fly!”

Zoey moaned, “I must train harder!”

I doubted even Sarah to be able to stop an enraged Chuck Javers.

Ashley better stayed away from the fights. She was much too prone to getting herself into trouble with her arrogantly provocative demeanour.

The end was near.

48.5  Touch me

Finally, the day of the wrestling matches was there.

Jeremiah Trottman started hi annoying moderation for PCA News.

Lola was co-moderating. Inspite of being the sister of a martial champion, Lola had no clue about wrestling. But she wanted to be seen on screen at any cost whatsoever.

The heat was on.

Logan got disqualified very early for refusing to fight against Lucie from Belleview2.

But Zoey was really saved from fighting for several turns, for the aforementioned reason.

Duke Blatzberg was in a totally bad condition.

But it didn’t matter.

He refused to wage a wrestling match against some other girl, viz. Jenifer Mosely from James K. Polk’s.

Finally, the inevitable finale was near:

Zoey was going to face Chuck Javers.

I told her, “nobody will hate you for not risking your life. Dustin still needs you alife.”

Our wrestling coach was now supposed to claim Zoey injured in order to brig Ridgemont in. But where was he?

Quinn whistled innocently. She had tied him to a flag post and squirted with nervous gas.

Now it was all up to Zoey.

She was now going to face her doom.

But my words about Dustin had made her hesitate.

She stumbled, slipped, and hurt her knee.

Dr. Glazer had to intervene and take Zoey out of the match.

Scottie Ridgemont was the expected substitute.

But where was he?

Suddenly, Samantha Puckett jumped into the ring. “Scott was a wuss. I beat him in bench pressing. Now I have to take care of that!” She disposed with her heavy shirt.

Her weight was in the limits of Zoey’s class.

Chuck Javers shrugged. “I destroy everyone equally fast,” he bellowed like a lion.

Sam grunted, “ha, I dare you to touch me!”

The fight was on.

Alas, Sam Puckett ducked swiftly. Then she backstabbed flabbergasted Chuck Javers from behind, making him cringe and go down within a few seconds.

The umpire had to declare Sam Puckett as the new Californian champion.

Sam thundered triumphantly, “Sam is the winner!”

This was her third victory for one of our school’s teams withing a few months.

Sam Puckett really was a winner.

Aw my gosh!

1
identifies Dule from iCarly : iHatch Chicks with Blatzberg from Zoey 101 : Wrestling
2
from Drake & Josh : Girl Power

Chapter 49  Vendor Machine

49.1  The hand of fate

My sixteenth birthday was next door.

Most of my friends were already thinking about a birthday party and gifts.

I had already failed in the traffic rule quiz, thus I was not yet available for a driver’s license and a car on my own.

But my friends would not have been able to afford that, anyways.

The costs for living on the campus were too high.

This was essentially due to the vendor machines.

As aforementioned, they sold a lot of junk food.

I didn’t care.

But Zoey was still upset.

Worse than anything else, Dean Rivers and Vice Dean Thatcher appeared to make a lot of bucks this way.

Alas, I didn’t dare to talk about it.

Now Lola was in desperate need of a raspberry doodle cake.

According top Quinn Pensky, raspberries were no real berries.

But that was besides the point.

Lola inserted a buck into the slit and pushed the appropriate button.

But nothing came out.

Yet the dollar was gone.

That was so unfair.

Lola tried to punch the machine hard. Alas, she lacked the steel fists of her little sister.

Quinn commented, “punchich is for naught. You need to kick it.”

Alas, even Quinn’s sixth toe did not exactly do much to the iron monster.

Even worse, Mr. Thatcher passed by and threatened the girls with suspension and expulsion.

Addie was disgusted by that perversely evil teacher.

Now I knew about the need to do something about the scandalous state of the school administration.

The fish was obviously rotting from the head down, leaving a stench all over the place.

The girls were taught to file a report in three copies at the administration office within 12 hours, and they could get their money back, with lots of luck, after like two months, and upon subtraction of the fees for checking the case.

This was intolerable.

Thatcher was now gone.

Dustin Brooks passed by. He had often tried to appear cool. But he had always failed to do so. Sometimes, he had been caught by teachers and reported to Mr. Thatcher.

Zoey had always tried to talk him out of trouble. But she was not going to be around around all the time.

Dustin dared, anyways, to suggest, “I may stick my hand up the ejection slot and grab the candy bar for you.” He beamed. He still wanted to impress Lola.

His class mates used to adore him for knowing the excessively hot Hollywood actress.

This would have improved rapidly upon saving the mamsell in distress from a feracious vendor machine.

Lola nodded. “OK, if you wish!”

I tried to dissuade Dustin.

But it was for no avail.

The tweenie’s arm was now in the machine.

Alas, he could neither successfully retrieve the doodle cake, nor withdraw his arm again.

In other words, he was stuck.

That hurt like hell, both mentally and physically.

Now we had to find a way in order to save Dustin.

Ashley passed by. Knowing about the situation, she started to phone her elder brother Vince.

Quinn carried a pair of pincers mighty enough to cut through the chains and wires of the machine.

The quarterback arrived in order to carry away both Dustin and the machine.

49.2  Tragic moment

We were now in my dorm.

Mark was still glaring apathetically. He would have been certainly the one to mind less havinbg his arm stuck in a vendor machine.

I still remembered his strange face after sitting on a Guadalpecho cactus.

But Dustin whimpered impatiently.

Quinn had fetched a container of heavy machine oil in order to grease Dustin’s arm, making it thusly easier to pry it loose.

Now she started filling the slit with the lubrificant.

Mindy helped her.

Michael was still making stupid remarks.

His fresh relationship with Wendy Gellar had not changed him at all.

Vince was ready to try to pull Duston’s arm out of the machine.

Dustin squealed for pain.

But Vincehad hardly touched him.

Where was Sam? She rocked at that. But she was now training with the hockey team for the regionals. She was an excellent skater. In addition, Samantha Puckett was now as much reluctant to apply violence as her mentor Zoey.

Well, this was a case of emergency.

Vince tried over and over again.

Two hours later, Dustin was still stuck.

Suddenly, our door went open.

It had been locked.

Thus it must have been an official staff member.

Indeed we were consternated upon spotting Mr. Thatcher standing in the door frame.

The Vice Deam preached an endless sermon.

In addition, we were now subject to detention, suspension, expulsion, and deportation.

How could we get caught?

Someone must have betrayed us. But who was it?

Whatever, everything was in vain.

Alas, there was still a chance of an honour council.

But we needed a good defender.

Vince was now forced to carry the whole apparatuse back to its original site, including Dustin.

Fortunately, Mindy Crenshaw had an idea. “Do you remember my case at the honour council against Drtake Parker?”

Lola swooned again upon hearing the name. She still hated Mindy for having dared to try to trouble her crush of crushes.

I had got a hard time preventing Lola from leaping ahead and hurting Mindy with her polished finger nails.

Mindy explained, “finally, Megan Parker had reveiled my guilt, saving her stupid brother. Megan is more than likely the only one able to get us out of jail.”

We needed to give it a try.

49.3  Attacked by a dream

It was the night before my birthday.

I should have been excited about my friends’ birthday surprises for me, such as gifts and a party.

But bein almost safely subject to deportation or worse had change my mood drastically.

My sleep was full of interruptions and nightmares.

The worst of all of them concerned my favourite grandmother.

We were born the same day of the year, of course quite a few decades apart.

But due to all the trouble with Dustin and the vendor machine, I had forgotten about this.

Now I had no birthday card for her.

That was horrible.

Her health had not been the best any longer during the last years.

Each time of leaving again for California, I had feared seeing her for the last time.

The death of Addie’s grand aunt Bertha had been a horrible example for that.

And now I was facing expulsion and deportation for quite some time.

My grannie was hardly going to live for that much longer.

Thus my chances of ever getting to see her again were as slim as Lola.

This was so bad.

I was going to wake up, bathed in sweat, soaked with tears.

49.4  Liberating release

I had dragged myself painfully to breakfast.

The mood of Michael, Quinn, and Lola was no better.

We were all awaiting asome harsh punishment.

A few moments later, Megan Parker stumbled in. “Hi, boobs and boobettes!” Was she going to save us?

I had got a hard time in order to not let all hope go.

Megan explained, “OK, do you know Dean Rivers’s psychpathic wife, Tipper Rivers?”

I had heard somewhat of her.

She was a really perverse fury. She did not allow her husband to play video games.

I loved quite a few video games, especially car races.1.

Megan continued, “well, she owns his house, his car, his pool, his tapestry, his painting collection …”

I shrugged.

Megan shortened it. “Well, she owns everything. A divorce would ruin Dean Rivers. He just can’t afford it.”

Michael sighed. “Not good for him …”

Megan nodded. “What, do you think, will Tipper Rivers say about these videos?” She held two DVDs aloft.

Michael woindered, “what’s on it?”

Megan whistled innocently. “Usual stuff … Dean Rivers cheating on his wife with his college girlfriend, Francine Briggs.”

Melanie walked up to us. “I know her. She’s a teacher at my former school, Ridgeway, and a really crappy and annoying one.”

Megan continued, “yeah, my cousin Carlotta is going to the same school. And now I have also figured about Dean Rivers’s expenses for videogames. He could not afford to let his wife see the bills for the games. Thus he financed them from the extra revenues from manipulated, malfunctioning vendor machines, along with his henchman Thatcher.”

I gasped for extreme consternation.

Megan had, as admitted, already submitted the DVDs to Jane Kennedy2. “Everyone will hear about the scandalous administration.”

I wondered, “how did you figure all this?”

Megan grinned. “Last year, there had been a similar scenario at James K. Polk. I’ve asked witnesses such as Jerry Crony, Matthew Palmer Noid, Evelyn Kwong, Simon Nelson Cooke, and Jenifer Mosely. Their vice principal Crubbs had exchanged healthier snacks with sugar-coated donuts.3. I just had to dig a bit into it, figuring about half of the Californian schools being stuck in the scandal.”

That was really some striking news.

Thatcher and Rivers were now sure no longer able to insist in punishing us.

I smiled and left the cafeteria. I didn’t trust my eyes. “Grandma!”

She was accompanied by Zach Carter Schwartz and by Benjamin Singer.

What a birthday surprise.

Dustin also shopwed up. “That evil Thatcher wanted to let me remain stuck. But then Matthew Palmer Noid showed up. He looked strangely at ,y arm, and a few miunutes later, I was free again. I don’t really get that. But it was cool.”

Matthew’s telekinetic capacities had thus struck again.

How did he always do that?

49.5  Suffering rain

I had spent most of the day with my grandma.

Basically, Addie had told Zoey about my grandma and our common birthday.

Zoey had then got the great idea of inviting grandma.

Then Addie had talked to Zach.

Suddenly, a massive flock of altocumulus was hovering above us.

A lightening flashed.

A thunder rolled.

The first raindrops hit the campus and our skin.

My grandma’s favourite song happened to be A Million Raindrops4.

And there it began.

The was pouering sown on us.

But we did not want to take cover.

Zoey had provided us with good protection against the rainstorm.

This was the second heavy rainstorm of the year.

Last time, weather reporter Walter Nichols, step-father of Drake Parker, had failed his predictions miserably.5.

This time, I had been too busy with the impending deportation to even think about weather.

But, according to Zoey, the rainstorm had gone unpredicted as well.

Walter Nichols was probably an idiot predicting the same typical Californian weather all the time.

In any case, the sky burst was wonderful.

Suddenly, afirementioned song filled the air.

I noticed Addie Singer hiding behind a barrier and striking the chords of her guitar.

Michael and Wendy had even improved the tune of the song.

It was my wost wonderful evening at this school ever.

Quinn suddenly crossed the campus. “Look, I’ve found a way to illuminate my pyjamas!”

Her cloth was flashing over and over again.

Zoey gasped. “Aw my gosh! I should combine this with my fashion design. I think my striped socks will be wonderful with your illumination.”

Unfortunately, grandma had to return home.

We both knew about her health condition, and the possibilities of this being our last encounter.

But at least it was a moment to be cherished forever.

1
cf. Zoey 101 : Michael Loves Lisa
2
from Bigtime Rush : Big Time Breakfast
3
cf. Ned’s Declassified SSG : Getting Organised
4
song by America which I don’t own
5
cf. Drake & Josh : The Storm

Chapter 50  Many A Danny

50.1  Clinging to the edge of control

The school’s board had to deal with the case of Dean Rivers and Vice Dean Thatcher.

Those irresponsible teachers and abominable examples for pupils to live to were not really tolerable any longer.

For the time being, Garth Berman could just suspend those deceivers from their office until a final decision.

Of course the school could not be left unsupervised.

The executive chairman of the overseeing board of the Pacific Coast Academy had to look for some substitutes.

Seizing control over the situation was now extremely necessary.

Of course Berman could not simply pull a new dean out of his hat as Henry Doheny1.

Experienced deans were already in responsible positions at other schools and could not be detached from their office in the middle of the term.

By the way, aforementioned Doheny had recently recovered from a crisis.

I sensed someone like Megan Parker or Matthew Palmer Noid behind it.

But that was not the point for now.

Berman did have to choose a temporary solution. And he stuck to his best friend, PhD Taylor2.

Like Berman, Dean Taylor was still very young. He had just been awarded a PhD in Education and Law from Harvard.

This was his first occupation as a responsible for a whole school, let alone a renowned private academy.

But it was just for the time being.

For the next year, maybe some more experienced headmaster was to be awaited.

Garth Berman had started negotiating with weatherproof veterans like Theodore Franklin or Mrs. Brandywine. But he could not do that all on his own. He needed the backup from the rest of the board, the sponsors, the alumni, the parents, and, finally, of Mr. Bradford.

This was a long and tedious procedure.

Apparently, directing a school like this one was not a task for rookies.

50.2  A death of a thousand screams

Lola Martinez had been practising for a variety of plays. But since having turned down aforementioned offer by Malcolm Reese, she had been seeing her career somewhat at stake.

Her next chance was a rôle in a movie named Scream Of Death.

Lola would have played a girl facing a mass murderer.

Practising for this task involved, well, a lot o screaming.

I was accustomed to excessive screams from hyperactive bimbo wench Nicole Bristow, and also from her boyfriend Nicholas Webber..

Lola had not yet screamed that much. But now she was trying hard to immitate Nicole.

Alas, her screams went through bones and marrow alike. They made you freeze for several seconds.

The situation was more complicated because of Ashley’s interest in the same task.

It was a wordless job, just a scream.

Ashley preferred definitely a performance with few words and lots of impressive gestures and postures. Likewise, she had not yet given up completely on Drake Parker.

I had to listen to the screams of both actresses.

You know the impact of this on my ears?

Well, put mildly, it wasn’t exactly pleasant.

Standing in the crossfire between two lunatic divas had never been easy.

But this screaming contest topped everything experienced do far.

At the same time, the hockey team had reached the national playoffs.

The most dfeared opponent was the team from Minnesota, with their stars Kendall Knight, Carlos Garcia, James Diamons, and Logan Mitchell.

We had no skating arena on our campus.

The team had rented the ice arena of Beverly Hills for their matches.

But our team was training anyways for the match, just without skates.

Needless to say, the screams of the arrogant divas were an annoyance.

Everyone feeling threatened by them picked the hockey sticks off our players and used them for defense against against an imaginary monster.

This was ridiculous.

Whatever, Zoey was now appointed with some Danny. She had met him, with a stick in his hands, after one of Lola’s insane screams.

I did not know him yet. I wasn’t jealous. But I had to be careful.

He might have been a jerk like Logan Reese.

Friends don’t let friends march into their doom.

What did she know about him?

Not even his family name!

He could have been anything.

I had to find out.

Quinn was in a similar situation.

‘Her’ Mark was often seen next to nice cheerleader girl Maria Hughes.

His explanations were very thin.

Now Quinn supposed Mark cheating on her.

That was totally understandable.

She was so going to torture Maria for stealing her Mark, making her scream herself to death with some laser beams.

50.3  A whisper on the wind

Of course it was impossible to go and look for said Danny on my own.

I had persuaded Dustin into assisting me.

It was finally his sister’s future happiness at stake.

Thus Dustin agreed wholeheartedly in scrutinising the person of Danny.

We needed to follow each and every rumour and act carefully.

But this was not easy.

We started looking into the registry and the last yearbook of the school.

But there were so many boys with a name colloquially curtailed or nicked as ‘Danny’: Daniel, Dane, and even one Danifer.

Was that even a name?

How were we supposed to find the right one?

We roamed different parts of the campus.

According to Quinn Pensky, Zoey had mentioned meeting Danny in front of the cinema for a movie date.

What sort of movie were they going to watch?

It was probably one of those chick flicks, involving the viewers holding hands and doing similar stuff.

Now I was watching the long queue.

According to Zoey, Danny was incredibly sweet.

There was a tall, blond rake waiting.

Was he really cute?

Boys think differently about cuteness than girls, don’t they?

But we had to give it a try.

Dustin decided to go ahead, telling me to hide behind the shrubbery, just in cse.

I accepted his suggestion.

Dustin walked up to the rake, “hi, Danny!”

The blond girl magnet felt addressed. “Hi! Should I know you?”

He would certainly have protested against being named “Danny”.

This convinced me of the accuracy of our guess.

We had just found Zoey’s new boyfriend.

Dustin shook his head. “But you are appointed with my sister. So … my name is Dustin, by the way.”

Danny shrugged. “A nice name!”

Dustin grinned. “It wasn’t my choice, though.”

Danny chuckled. He appeared OK for a girls’guy.

Thus Dustin decided to refrain from doing anything for preventing him dating Zoey.

I sighed with relief, too.

Dustin waved at him. “Have a nice evening with my sister!”

Danny shrugged.

Dustin waved and walked back to me.

Suddenly, we heard a lisping voice approaching the queue. Of course it belonged to the one and only Stacey Dillsen.

The cotton swab queen bellowed, “hi, Denifer! Have you got the tickts?”

Danifer?

Wait!

There was something fishy.

I took a closer look.

Tall blond Danny, aka Danifer, was not appointed with Zoey, but with Stacey Dillsen!

Where, pray tell, did a tall blond rake contract such a deviant taste?

Whatever.

Dustin saw it differently. “Stacey has stolen Zoey’s boyfriend.” He panted heavily. Then he roared at the top of his lungs, “attack!” He leaped forward and approached Stacey like a freshly greased flash of lightening. He twammed her hindside with his lowered head.

Stacey screamed for excruciating agony. She had recently strained a butt muscle during yoga classes.3 and had thence been forced to use crutch sticks for walking.

Now the old wounds appeared again.

Stacey crawled away on four limps.

I walked up to Danifer. “You’ve not been waiting for Zoey Brooks?”

Danny shook his head. “I haven’t even talked to her. I’ve heard about her, though.”

That was not much of a surprise.

Danny, or Danifer, sighed. “OK, I’ve got two tickets. What to do with the second one?”

I decided to join Danifer.

Zoey was probably showing up a bit later in the cinema.

This way, I was able to spot her and her new boyfriend with more accuracy.

50.4  Fragile hearts and candy-coated dreams

Alas, I had not been wrong with my guess concerning the movie.

It was really such a heart-tearing heartbreak-and-comfort comedy.

I sat down next to Danifer.

But my eyes were not really directed towards the screen.

Quite to the contrary, I kept on observing the entrance.

Finally, Zoey walked in, accompanied by a guy.

He wasn’t as cute as supposed.

Well, girls and their taste …

I shuddered strangely.

According to the looks I started to distrust Zoey’s Danny.

He was probably only out for a one-night stand with my ex-girlfriend.

Two fairly new “Danny”s on the campus at the same day?

But Danifer gave me an unexpected explanation. “Today, it’s a probabtory day for kids joinuing next fall. Really, I tell you …”

I was curious.

Danifer continued, “my name isn’t even “Danifer”. It is James Garrett. I’m the nephiew of Hollywood actor Jeff Garrett. I don’t like the whole fuss about me. Thus I used that stipid name.”

I chuckled. “cool!” zoey
Danifer continued, “back in Santa Fé in New Mexico, I used to dress as a freak.4 in order to avoid too much attention from girls. Here, I felt safer with a not-so-attractive date like that lisp girl. I mean, she’s nice, but not really my taste. I’m not so much into cotton swabs and white glue.”

I nodded solemnly.

At the same time, the other Danny and Zoey were holding hands.

Danny started mouthfeeding pop corn unto Zoey.

My inner disgust increased rapidly.

I wondered, “do you want to join this school?”

Danifer nodded solemnly. “Absolutely! It is totally great here! So, who is that Zoey girl really?”

I told him a bit about the blond angel.

Danifer concluded, “she sounds very nice and pretty.”

I nodded vigorously.

Danifer sighed. “Aw, I wouldn’t mind getting to know her closer.”

I asked, “as in dating? That would be great!”

Everyone would have been better than Logan or the other Danny.

Danifer shrugged. “Maybe? or just hanging out with her, among other friends.”

I smiled.

But the ongoing makeout scenes between Zoey and the evil Danny caused me the creeps.

Now he was mouthfeeding sugar-coated peanuts unto her, making Zoey dream of more and more.

There must have been a hitch.

Finally, the movie was over.

I was hell bent on continuing to spy on Zoey and her new and totally unworthy lover.

Dustin had already gone to bed. But he had left me an SMS.

We started leaving the theatre hall.

A guy around forty stood in my way. “Hi, I’m Gavin Mitchell5, the new responsibble of the theatre.”

Alas, I didn’t have any time left and walked away.

50.5  Crumbling heart

Having left the cinema, I saw Megan Parker again.

She was here with some friends.

They were possible participating in this day-for-future pupils, too.

Megan introduced me to her friends Janie6 and Monica7.

I kept one eye stuck to Zoey and Danny. “Hey! You all want to join?”

Megan nodded solemnly. She appeared very sad.

I asked her, “Megan? What’s up?”

She replied, “I can’t stand San Diego any longer. Corey8 is such a creep.”

According to Megan’s report, Corey was Megan’s first boyfriend. But he had always been cheating on her with Monica, and vice versa.

I sighhed. “You will be very welcome here, I’m sure.”

Megan smiled.

Then I saw Drake Parker. I shook hands with him.

He was bandaged all over. He explained this with, “I spoke up for Megan’s honour and got badly bet up by this karate jock.”

I sighed.

My uncle, aforementioned karate coach, had got a very powerful student named Corey.

It wasn’t his fault, of course.

Drake explained, “worse, all that happened in a cinema, like this one, just bigger.”

I gasped.

Cinemas were really dangerous.

Drake promised to keep better care of his little sister and her heart before letting it crumble away like this again.

And the same time, Zoey and Danny had to leave each other.

But what did I see?

Zoey had just turned her back to Danny.

All of a sudden, the dark-haired jerk span around and started talking to Trina, in a very comfortable manner.

Were they ganging up on something?

This was very bad.

Even worse:

According to Dustin’s SMS, Trina was suspected to have betrayed him and our friends to former Vice Principal Thatcher.

Fortunately, Thatcher was now gone.

But Trina was still around.

And this was absolutely no good.

1
from Drake & Josh : The Great Doheny, also mentioned in Zoey 101 : Logan Gets Cut Off
2
from Zoey 101 : Hot Dean
3
cf. Zoey 101 : Michael Loves Lisa
4
cf. Zoey 101 : Rumors Of Love
5
various cameos in Drake & Josh
6
mentioned a few times in 4th season of Drake & Josh
7
from Drake & Josh : Megan’s First Kiss
8
from Drake & Josh : Megan’s First Kiss

Chapter 51  Nicole’s Radio

51.1  A fallacy in your head

The next morning, I met Zoey again.

She was not happy. “Chase, you have been spying after me the whole last night?”

I stammered insanely, “I needed to go sure …”

Zoey grunted, “I may care for myself. My dates with Danny were none of your business!”

I shrugged, trembling over and over again.

Zoey continued, “what makes it worse … you’ve persuaded Dustin into assisting you.”

“He’s your caring little brother,” I replied helplessly.

Zoey repeatedly insisted in her ability of watching her own back. “I love Dustin about all, too. But this did not give him the license to hurt Stacey Dillsen badly.”

Dustin had done this spontaneously.

But Zoey accused me downright of having been responsible for that. “You can’t let Dustin kill innocents like Stacey for your stupid confusions.”

“Stacey didn’t die,” I stammered.

Zoey thundered, “that’s so besides the point. Chase Bartholomew Matthews, I’m really disappointed by your idotic demeanour.” Of course she was not going to heed my warnings about Trina and Danny.

Likewise, Quinn had been jumping from an ember into a wildfire by observing Mark’s meetings with Maria Hughes.

The cheerio was also a gifted portrayal artist. She had made paintings depicting various pupils already.

Mark del Figgalo wanted to get a picture of himself as a gift fro Quinn.

But her insensate, perverted jealousy had finally spoiled the whole surprise.

Now she appeared totally rueful.

Nevertheless, the confidence between Quinn Pensky and Mark del Figgalo had started showing increasing ruptures and seams.

I wondered about the maintenability of their relationship.

Seemingly apathetical Mark had never had the guts to talk about the whole stuff. But he was suffering on and off.

And, as his roomie, I was exposed to his burdened mood every night, starting with the days of Quinn’s attempts of hiding her familiarity with Sarah Kyla.

This was going to turn more and more horrible.

Quinn had also started pushing mark del Figgalo into a more physical relationship than usual.

But Mark had not yet gone beyond simple hugs and cheek kisses.

Where was this going to?

In any case, Zoey sentenced my and Dustin to spologising unto Stacey and helping her to repair her broken cotton swab sculptures.

The latter was about as much as capital punishment.

51.2  Passionate desires

Quinn Pensky’s horny interests in Mark del Figgalo were not the only ardent desires occurring on the campus of the Pacific Coast Academy.

As aforementioned, the passionate contest between Lola Martinez and Ashley Blake for rôles in Hollywood movies were killing everyone’s last nerves.

The race had ended in a draw.

In other words, neither Ashley nor Lola made it to the screaming movie.

The rôle went straight to one Camille Seberg1
, a cousin of Quinn Pensky.

Lola was now incredibly mad at Quinn, accusing her of backstabbing and treason.

But now it’s time for menytioning my desire of the month.

We all liked listening to good music.

There were a few live concerts at the school.

A public stereo plants was installed in some of the foyers.

But, of course, each of us students had a different tatste.

I liked country music.

Zoey was a hip hop freak.

Quinn liked her tronbone, and she also like romantic music, especially violin music, in oprder to seduce Mark.

And on and on and on it went.

This implied the necessity of individual devices.

The most popular of all was the so-called ‘G.O.’.

I would have killed for one.

Oops!

Anyways, I desperated needed to buy one.

Unfortunately, life on the campus was so expensive.

I was again out of bucks.

Robbing a bank was not an option.

Samantha Puckett knew the secrets of making fake money.2.

But this wasn’t much of an option, either, with or without her uncle Carmine.

I had dared to ask my aforementioned grandpa Joe from Baltimore for money for the G.O..

He was a well-known miser.

I would have rather asked some other relatives.

But I could not permanently bother the same family members.

So there hadn’t been any other choice.

Now I was excitedly awaiting the arrival of a few bucks.

Alas, there was a parcel from my grandpa.

I opened it impatiently.

The whole thing contained … an old radio receiver, ‘Model Fada’.

I gagged.

This was the top of absurdity!

51.3  A secondhand heart

I was still upset about the old radio. I didn’t even know how to use it.

Michael had told me to calm down and come with himself and Wendy to a Sushi Rox. He was going to pay for my sushi.

I sobbed. “I’ll be a third wheel of the bicycle.”

Michael shrugged. “Maybe. But you can’t hide in the dormitory block forever.”

Nicole just left the Japanese bar. “Hi Chase.” She spotted the radio. “Wow, you’ve also got such a thing? I have got one from my grandpa. It’s very rare. But I have lost mine on the campus, like, two years ago. Grandpa was mightily mad at me.”

I shrugged. “Too bad.”

Nicole took a closer look. “Hey, this radio doesn’t just look like mine, it is mine!”3

I looked aghast.

Nicole still new the serial number by heart. “Grandpa has been so proud of it. He recited that number over and over.”

Thus there was no problem with the identification of the radio.

But how had the device made it from Nicole’s dorm to my grandpa?

I gave ‘grandpa’’s second-hand radio back to Nicole.

She smiled. “Thanks! I must tell papaw!” She waved at me and walked away with her catch.

Anyways, I sat down next to Michael.

Wendy showed up soon thereafter. She was accompanied by Addie. “Then you won’t feel like a third wheel any longer.”

I sighed deeply. But I admired Michael and Wendy for their relationship.

They had found together after unfortunate fan-boying, or fan-girling, respectively. Thus they weren’t any more than second-hand hearts for each other.

But they appeared more and more happy, inspite of a difference of three years.

I talked about the radio to the girl.

Addie sighed. “What music did they play back then?”

I scratched my hed. “Maybe Frank Sinatra? Dean Martin?”

Addie started melting away. “I love Frank Sinatra.”

I nodded solemnly. “He was sure great!” I started singing some of Frank Sinatra’s tune.

Addie chimed in, on and off at least.

We sang together in a very passionate manner, “like birds of a feather a rainbow together we find. … our love is giving us wings.”4

Suddenly, I pulled Addie into a close hug.

She hugged me back and pecked my lips with hers.

I felt my heart meltiung away like a snowflake in a blast furnace.

Oops!

We had been as much as family for many a year.

How was this sudden impulsive affection even possible?

It was infinitely confusing.

51.4  No man is an island

I lay on my bed, starring up to the ceiling.

Mark complained, “Quinn has gone crazy. She had hired a violinist in order tro seduce me into kissing her.”

I remembered those times of my relattionships with Zoey Brooks. “What keeps you from kissing Quinn?”

Mark sighed exorbitantly. “Dunno. She expects too much from me. I don’t want to get that close. But she never listens.”

I was busy with my freshly discovered feelings for my step-cousin of over ten years, Addie Singer.

Zoey walked in on us. “Hi Chase!”

I stammered deliriously. “Zoey! How did you get in?”

She shrugged. “the door was open.”

I feared her to give me another penal sermon because of having spied after her and Danny.

Zoey shook her head. “Chase, I have to give you an wexplanation. Nicole just showed me her old radio.”

I coughed.

Zoey explained, “two years ago, Dana and Nicole have permanently argued over the radio music. They had different tastes. I decided to hide the radio in my closet.”

I coughed badly. “That’s evil!”

Zoey moaned, “I know. But I had not seen any other way to stop dana and Nicole from killing each other over the radio.”

I shrugged.

Zoey continued, “but I forgot about it. At the end of the year, I gave it to the lost-and-found office, along with several other belongings of my friends. I was too lazy to sort everything out while waiting for my trip home. I must have confused the owners of those items. Then the lost and found must have sent Nicole’s radio to your contact address.”

That address had been that of mom.

My mother must have passed the radio to her father, papaw Joe from Baltimore.

This closed the chhain of missing links.

Mark asked Zoey about her former relationship with me.

Zoey concluded, “after all our diverging expectations, I concluded the better of us to go seperate ways, yet stay friends.”

Mark sighed deeply. He started writing sort of a letter, using torn-off paper from his last homework. He put it into some tattered envelope and asked Zoey to render it to Quinn. He had come to a similar decision. He could have told Quinn in a nicer way.

But his courage to do so must have left him.

Zoey shrugged. “OK, I will!”

I mentioned Addie in my delirious state.

Zoey moaned, “Chase, you and Addie have always understood each other in a wonderful manner. And there’s nothing illegal with feelings for a step-cousin.”

I sighed. “Really?”

Zoey nodded solemnly.

I felt a lot of relief.

Of course, this didn’t say anything about Addie’s feelings for me.

51.5  Electrifying sacrifice

THe next evening, Quinn thundered into my dorm, “Mark, how dare you!”

Mark shrugged.

Quinn bellowed, “you really break with me in a letter written ondirty paper in a time-torn envelope?”

Mark nodded calmly.

Quinn was consternated. She screamed, “why, Mark, why? I’ve sacrificed two of my best years for you. I even took care of your many allergies. And now this!”

I told her, “Maybe because of your vasty differing expectations? You shouldn’t have rushed him into kisses.”

Quinn grunted, “hey! we’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend for over two years. Kissing is normal after a few weeks, let alone two years. Not everyone is a loser like you.”

I felt insulted. “Quinn, your first goal is still intellectual superiority.”

Quinn sighed. “I know.”

I explained, “so get over with Mark! You should concentrate more on your science fair!”

More precisely, Quinn was working together with Mindy and Wayne on the ultimate power plant.

This was their project for the national science fair.

Quinn sighed deeply. “You’re right. I’ve almost forgotten about it.” Shew panted like an old steam engine. “OK, I’m back to the laboratory. Wayne and Mindy are probably already waiting for me. Otherise they will accomplish the whole project on their own. I can’t let them do that.”

Giving up on a stuck relationship was a sacrifice necessary for giving more power for her true interests, the development of a perfect power engine and winning more and more scientific awards.

Quinn wved at us and walked away.

Now Addie Singer stood in the door frame.

Quinn toldher to move in. “I’m done here.”

My heart beat faster.

Addie sighed deeply. “I’ve talked to Jake, I’ve called Zach and Geena, mom, and even Ben … surprise? They have even seen that coming.”

I had a hard time talking about it.

The same was valid for Addie.

But having talked to some friends and relatives finally broke the ice.

I had never fallen for Addie, nor vice versa.

You could fall off a wall.

Or you could step down from it slowly.

The latter was the case between Addie and me.

It may have taken us years of to see it like this.

But, finally, we had made it up to there. Now we were going to make it anywhere.5.

1
from Bigtime Rush

family name is chose for same actress’s rôle in The Mentalist, a show I down’t own, either

2
cf. iCarly : iGot A Hot Room
3
the radio in the centre of the plot of Zoey 101 : The Radio already had a cameo appearnce in Zoey 101 : New Roomies
4
from Volare, Cantare, a song by Frank Sinatra which I don’t own
5
alludes to New York, a song by Frank Sinatra which I don’t own either

Chapter 52  Triggered For Power

1

52.1  And that’s when I stopped believing in gravity

Quinn, Mindy, and Wayne had reached the nationals of the science fair contest.

I was not interested in science stuff. But, like almost everyone here, I was eager on watching the report about the event.

It was taking place in the halls of the Caltech.

This was not too far from here.

Thus we were able to send a team of our own reporters right there.

Unfortunately, Jeremiah Trottman was once more the main reporter. He interviewed various people.

Now he was interviewing Quinn.

The geeky girl grinned. “hi,fans!” She waved around.

Trottman asked her about her inventions.

Quinn answered, “until a few weeks ago, we had not got a real idea. But now we’ve combined my anti-gravity chamber with Mindy’s universal power converter. I can tell you, there were a few problems during the first days. But now it works flawlessly.”

We cheered emphatically.

The chances for Quinn, Firewire, and Mindy were incredibly great.

Quinn continuned, “you know, Einstein formulated his equations about gravity fields …”

My head started turning around upon listening to Quinn’s explanations about defeating gravity.

I wondered about the existence of gravity as such.

Quinn talked it away that easily.

I couldn’t understand it.

But it was so subliminally persuasive.

Dean Taylor was watching with us. “Wow!” He was totally proud of his school’s participants. “Quinn, Mindy, and Firewire should give us a demonstration upon their return.”

Lola moaned, “I don’t really think so.” She was tired by the side effects of Quinn’s numerous ‘infallable’ inventions.

Cal crossed the picture. He introduced himself as an alumnus of Pacific Coast Academy and current student at Caltech.

Quinn praised Cal’s help. “he has provided me, and also Mindy and Firewire, with everything necessary for our invention, such as … ”

Nobody here could follow her explanations.

Cal grinned. “Quinn is the most gifted of all young scientists. She should really come to Caltech next fall.”

Quinn went pale.

The Caltech had a program allowing exorbitantly gifted students to start their undergraduate studies even before completing high school.

But she had never thought about that because of the implied necessity of leaving Mark del Figgalo behind.

Alas, her recent separation from Mark del Figgalo may have swapped the odds.

Mr. Jamerson2 visited the booth of the three geeks from the Pacific Coast Avademy. After a short demo, he nodded with glee. “In my eyes, the winner has already been found.” He looke in a promising manner at Quinn, Wayne, and Mindy.

The jurors had to discuss the decision for a few minutes.

But thereupon, the results were published.

Mr. Jamerson spoke on the behalf of all the judges. “Ladies and Gents, alea iacta est. This year’s winners are … the third prize goes to Shane Diamond3 and Logan Mitchell from Minnesota for their wonderful magnetostatic multi-pulse flux generator.”

Applause flooded the Caltech.

Mr. Jamerson continued, “the second prize goes to Mary Ferry and Duane Ogilvy from Pennsylvania for their exploration of the reproductions of iguanas.”

They were friends of Addie from Rocky Road.

Thus I cheered for them as well.

Mr. Jamerson continued, “and the winner is … team California, i.e. Melinds Crenshaw, Wayne Gilbert, and Quinndelyn Pensky with their ultimative power reactor!”

Now the campus of the Pacific Coast Academy was close to bursting.

Mr. Taylor’s decison was now clear.

The machine was going to be demonstrated completely in just two weeks from there.

52.2  Central power

It was demonstration day.

Once more, Jeremiah Trottman and his team appeared to seize control over the situation.

Trottman didn’t understand anything about the whole crap. But he saw himself peushed into commenting everything.

Mindy explained, “if working well, you may consider making the whole power supply of the Pacific Coast Academy bade on this little engine.”

Alas, the machine was still bigger than a car, maybe like a small truck.

But it was certainly smaller than all those huge power plants seen on TV.

Trottman asked Quinn, “so the machine is suited for supplying areas like this campus with power?”

Quinn grinned. “we could become the power centre of all of the Los Angeles area with just this device and a few addons. Unfortunately, there are many enemies of progress unable to handle the irrational fears of incidents.”

Wayne cackled mercilessly.

Mindy high-fived with her fiancé.

Trottman’s jaw dropped, almost causing an earthquake measuring Richter 8.

Whatever that was supposed to mean …

But according to Mindy, their universal reactor was safe enough to survive even a tsunami.

We had many visitors from throughout California.

Unfortunately, Cal wasn’t around. He had to go to the National Laboratory of Los Alamos for a job interview.

Mr. Beringer4, my teacher for physics, gave a long talk. He demonstrated his ignorance about high-level physics. Little wonder he would have preferred working in a zoological garden to thejob of a teacher for physics.

But the prerequisites for a master in biology were much more stringent than those for a master in physics.

I was not one to judge Mr. Beringer’s knowledge about advanced physics, of course.

But Mindy and Quinn kept on chuckling and laughing about the excessive nonsense uttered continuosuly by the inept teacher.

Fortunately, the security of the school’s laboratory did not depend utterly on Mr. Beringer’s ‘expertise’, did it?

Mrs. Bromwell was equally ‘responsible’.

Umm, and that was supposed to be reassuring?

The wench still refused to believe in my bushy hair being all natural.

Mr. Taylor gave a short speech. He was impressed by the great efforts of this school in the area of fuerthering the progress odf science and technology. Of course, he was impressed by this. He praised the science teachers, especially Mr. Beringer and Mrs. Bromwell for their didactic and scientific expertise. But he had not yet been in office for many a month.

Anyone familiar with the Pacific Coast Academy knew one thing:

The technological progress developed on the grounds of our school was excl;usively the result of individual efforts of the pupils.

This had been the case before my arrival.

Cal had never found any substantial support from the teachers.

After Cal’s graduation, Quinn, Firewire, and Mindy were the top pupils, as for science.

But only their own efforts, their increasing friendship, and their good contacts to people like Cal had allowed them to make it up to there.

None of these was in any way the fruit of the efforts of our teachers or school administration.

52.3  Devastating explosion

“Five … Four … Three … Two”

A few hours later, Dean Taylor pushed the first button. He had talked Quinn into being allowed to do so.

The power was finally on and soon reaching far.

Mindy, Quinn, and Wayne watched the measuring devices carefully.

Quinn smiled. “The core temperature is increaing as planned.”

The systems were all go.

Mindy’s laptop confirmed the data, convincing all doubters still left.

Wayne increas3ed the volatage steadily.

Quinn gave an interview. She talked into Trottman’s microphone. As usual, her words exceeded the mental capacity of most of us onlookers by far.

The science geeks from James K. Polk had come over.

Simon Nelson Cooke, Albert Wormenheimer, Evelyn Kwong, Lance Widget, and Lisa Zemo were totally intrigued.

Even Josh Nichols and Eric Blonowitz watched us.

Dean Taylor beamed bightly.

Suddenly, Quinn whispered a few words into Mindy’s ears.

The face of the fellow geek girl went darker and darker.

Firewire was consulted as well.

They all nodded.

Quinn walked up to Dean Taylor. “Sorry, Sir, but you better evacuate the campus.”

Mr. Taylor felt dumbstruck.

Quinn repeated her words.

Firewire explained, “Something must have gone completely wrong. We may try to fix it. It will take some minutes.”

Mindy continued, “but it would be irresponsible to evacuate the campus in a safe manner upon confirming the critical state of the system. So better do it now!”

Quinn explaine the potential consequences of a system error, caused by overheating the core of the device. “We don’t have enough cooling aggregates to prevent the worst scenario case once the point of no return has been reached. Radioactive quinntonium could be released.”

Dean Taylor was still consternated. But he took his megaphone. “Attention! Attention! This is your headmaster, Dean Taylor, speaking. Please leave the campus in an orderly manner.”

We kids have rehearsed many sorts of accidents under the custody of Robert Gordon. We were totally excited. But we succumbed to the orders dished out by Dean Taylor.

Why was there no switch to simply turn all systems off?

52.4  Emergency evacuation

We had left the campus in small groups.

The feared panic had not arrived.

But the discussions between us pupils were as heated as the core of the reactor.

Cookie speculated a lot. He wanted to help Quinn, Mindy, and Wayne.

But the security guards did not let him pass.

Same was valid for Joshuah Nichols.

Jeremiah Trottman and his henchman had to be removed by the security guards. Those naughty paparazzi of the mostevil sort had not been willing to give up on their sensational story.

Dean Taylor even had to call the headquarters of the Los Angeles Police Forces for help.

Logn bellowed, “before leaving, let it be clear … I’ve got the exclusive rights for filming, producing, and marketing a movie about this event.”

I shuddered with excruciating disgust.

Where was Logan’s perversity going to end?

Logan was escorted off the campus by chief Becker and his deputies. But he was permanently phoning with people from his father’s production team. He was apparently hell-bent on making a movie about this spectacular event.

Addie and I, we were totally glad about having made it out of the danger zone alive.

The efforts of the science geeks were unknown to us.

Two hours later, the alert was increasingly relaxed.

We were allowed to return to the campus.

Quinn. Mindy, and Firewire had been able to prevent a worst-case scenario.

But our mood was going to suffere thoroughly for many a day to come.

52.5  Fallen fae

The incident had been occurring not much before the scheduled end of the school year.

For that avail, Garth Berman had decided to order a premature end of the academic year.

The campus was to experts looking for the causes of the incident.

We pupilsd agreed wholeheartedly.

Having seen the nationals of the science fair contest, we suggested Mr. Jamerson, umpire of the aforementioned event, as an expert.

Garth Berman approved of our suggestion.

We were going to be informed duringn the vacations about any progress and possible consequences.

Dean Taylor decided to be not yet able to handle this school.

That was such a pity.

But, in any case, Berman and the rest of the board had already found a suitable successor.

Their choice hit Principal Ruckner5 from some state school in New York City.

It was, by accident, the same school as that of Mr. Jamerson’s day job.

But the result of Mr. Jamerson’s scrutiny was going to be consternating.

The incident had been caused by something called a fuel-air-explosive.

Without Quinn’s explanations, I was unable to understand it.

Ot must have been hidden and dropped into the machine.

But this was besides the point.

What mattered really was the remark “such an incident is only possible by sabotage.”

Someone must have undermined Quinn’s, Wayne’s, and Mindy’s demonstration.

But who had been interested in causing an infernal explosion on our campus?

This was not going to let me sleep for quite some time.

And, of course, Garth Berman, and Dean Ruckner were going to do everything in order to determine and punishing the culprits.

1
much in this chapter is inspired by The Apple Came Down, a song by Runrig

Also inspired by Calling Home, a song by Peter Schilling

I don’t own either of these songs.

Inspite of the common surname, I’m in no way associated with the latter.

2
from True Jackson VP : True’s New Assistant
3
from iCarly : iSaw Him First//
//
The surname is chosen for same actor’s rôle in Bigtime Rush
4
from zo : Paige At PCA and Rollercoaster
5
some cameos in True Jackson VP

Chapter 53  Customer Of The Week

53.1  Reach for the stars

A new year at Pacific Coast Academy was up for grabs.

I was waiting for my machine from New York City to Los Angeles.

Addie, Maria, and Stacey were with me.

I had to take care of the cotton swab freak.

She had been suffering from a traumatic shock during the evacuation from the campus upon the failure of Quinn’s demonstration.

This was not going to be easy.

Stacey had bought a new telescope. She told us about her freshly discovered love for watching stars. “The telescope is my best friend!”

I shrugged. “Good for you.”

>A telescope got neither turned away by Stacey’s lisp nor by her addiction to cotton swabs.

Humans in general did.

It was not going to be an easy start into a new year.

Quinn, Mindy, and Firewire had left the Pacific Coast Academy in order to accept the offer from Caltech.

We hoped them to come over for a visit every now and then.

I had never dreamt of missing them.

But this was now our bitter reality.

The plane was ready for being boarded.

A man around forty joied us.

Stacey started talking his ears off, especially about the stars up in the sky.

We were soon going to learn about the stranger’s identity:

It was no less than our new boss, Dean Ruckner!

53.2  Birthing black and white

I walked the campus.

Maria Hughes was already looking forward to making a huge potray of the new headmaster, using many colours.

But sometimes, a portrait in black and white was more appropriate.

Maria took her sketchbook. She had already started during the flight. “The painting may be all colours. But I need to know the exact distribution of light and dark in a picture beforehand. Thus I am going to start with a coal sketch.” She picked a piece of charcoal and clampted it between two pincers before starting to continue.

Stacey thought of getting a portrait of herself, as a gift for the hot boys of this school.

Too bad this could only lead to disappointments.

Suddenly, Josh Nichols and Megan Parker crossed the campus.

It was Megan’s first year.

She appeared to be all cool about the situation. She had painted her life with the boobs as all back, and thence saw being free of them as the embodiment of white.

Now, who was going to be Zoey’s and Lola’s third roomie?

Or was there a reason to let the third spot stay vacant?

Zoey and Lola were probably only reluctantly going to accept a new roomie.

Maria compared her dorm numbers.

Stacey did the same.

Ultimately, the result was clear:

Stacey Dillsen was going to move in with Lola and Zoey.

This was a great supershock for them.

Especially Lola was now going to depict her future at the Pacific Coast Academy all in black.

Addie was much better off. She was released from her evil roomies Maris Bingham and Patricia Perez.

Her new roomies were Molly Tolbertson1 and Brooke Margolin2.

Megan was lucky.

Her roomies were Wendy Gellar and Ashley Blake.

Unfortunately, the queue in front of the coffe cart had been growing longer and longer.

But Calvin had started a new program, Customer Of The Week.

This selected client of his cart was excempted from having to wait in the queue, and he did not have to pay for his coffee for seven long days and nights.

But what were the criteria for the choice of the preferred customer?

None among us knew them.

Another announce made us curious.

The dancing contest of our school was quite early.

I would have participated with Addie.

But both of us were incredibly lame dancers.

Megan had got an idea. “Josh may teach you a few dances. he has recently won a dance contest at my school with Drake. All dances were his idea.”

I gasped. “With Drake?”

Josh nodded.

Megan sighed. “It was embarrassing, boob!” But then she grabbed him and pulled his huge head closer to her face, whispering “I’m proud of you.”

Josh twitched. “OK, I’ll send you a video.” Then he looked over to Maria’s sketchbook. “You’re drawing pictures?”

Maria nodded. “I just need to record this moment. Hundreds of dumbassing damaging their feet for a cup of coffee.” She shook her head.

Josh shrugged. “Years ago, I started drawing, too. 3.” He talked a lot to Maria about paintings.

Megan was impressed. “Josh has been terrible as of recent. He has tried to boast with his many girlfriends, just as Drake had done before knowing Lola.”

Josh asked, “are guests allowed at the dance conntest?”

I nodded. “This has always been the case, so far.”

Josh asked Maria, “OK, do we want to dance in black and white, or using all colours?”

Maria smiled sweetly.

Megan stuck both of her thumbs up. “This is going to be a great thing!”

Josh then introduced us their neighbours’ boy Robert Carmichael4

53.3  Dancing on the water

I’ve been watching Joshuah’s DVD along with Addie.

There were so many cool dances to choose them.

Josh had provided virtually one dancing style for each occasion of the day.

There was a shower dance, a breakfast dance, a card driver’s dance, a cafeteria dance, and many many more.

Making our choice was not going to be that easy.

Michael and Wendy were in the same situation.

At the same time, we pitied Mark del Figgalo.

Having separated from Quinn, Mark was now going to be forever all alone.

We even felt guilty for talking about our dances with our girlfriends.

Mark was certainly not exactly a perfect dancer. But he could at least try to do so.

Addie had got an idea. She picked her cellular phone and started dialling. “Hi Brooke! It’s me, Addie Singer, your roomie.”

Brooke wondered, “what’s up?”

Addie sighed. “you love knitting and strange stones, right?”

Brooke nodded solemnly. “I do!”

Addie continued, “I know a boy who likes them, too. He’s here in 148 Maxwell, named Mark Del Figgalo. Drop by any time! Ypu’d be a great team for the dance contest.”

Brooke promised, “I will.”

I had finally overlooked the whole list of dances. “Look, the boat dance!”

Addie took a look at the video. “Wow! It’s like dancing on a boat floating atop of the gently waves of the ocean.” She swooned dreamily.

I grinned. “Yeah, why not practising out on the water!”

Unfortunately, we were not allowed to go out on the sea on a boat.

But we could still practice on an inflatable boat in one of our pools.

In the mean time, Michael started think a lot about ideas to impress Calvin. “I waiting in a long queue. That’s not drippin’ at all.” He liked to invent new slang terms.

Wendy shrugged. “Whatever, I’m all for the lawnmower dance.”

53.4  A deluge of dancers

The evening of the great dance contest was there.

Zoey took sadly a seat in the viewers’ ranges.

I asked, “you’re not participating? You have always been a cool dancer.”

Zoey moaned, “indeed, but Gene5my dance partner had recently been hit by the coffe cart. Some idiot tried to impress Calvin. This made the cart roll away, and all into Gene. Now his leg is in smithereens.” She glared menacingly at Michael.

I sighed deeply.

The umpires were now Mr. Bender, Coach Keller, and Mr. Beringer.

The first couple of dancers were Lola Martinez and Drake Parker. Unfortunately, they didn’t really dance. They just stood on the dancing floor and started making out rhythmically.

Mr. Bender had to disquolify the lovebirds.

Drake and Lola didn’t even react.

Security had to drag them out of there.

The next couple were Logan Reese and Dana Cruz.

Memories of the school dance from their first common year awoke.

They kicked and stomped on each other with their feet.

This was part of their dance.

Unfortunately, the umpires did not know to appreciate this sort of choreography. They awarded the couple with only four of ten points.

Michael and Wendy were the next one to give a demonstration of their dance skills. They were performing a jitterbug version of Joshuah’s lawnmower dance.

Unfortunately they also mowed down the empires.

Their table went rolling across the dancing floor.

A few couples later, it was the turn of Addie and myself.

We stepped carfully onto the floor.

Our practice in the pools had been a bit awkward. It wasn’t as romantic as a dance on a boat gliding gently across the waves of the mighty Pacific.

But it was a lot of fun, anyways.

Unfortunately we dropped more often into the water than not.

But everyone makes mistakes, right?

We were not perfect. But we were ourselves.

And nothing else mattered.

Our performance on the dancing floor was so-so.

At least we beat Michael and Wendy by two points.

They had to pay us a sushi for that.

Mark and Brooke were following upon us. They performned a knitting dance.

Mark was still a lot of clumsy. But he had started improving significantly since knowing Brooke.

Vince Blake was dancing with Makeout Mandy.

The former cheerio from Belleview swept Blake across the floor like a hurricane.

This was totally impressive.

The judges awarded them 9.5 points.

They looked like the unstoppable winners with their cheerleader dance.

One one couple was left.

Josh and Maria elegantly slipped onto the dancing floor. They were performing the original version of Josh’s boat dance.

It looked so much more professional.

They rightfully earned 10.0 points and were declared unison the winners of the contest.

It was then time for honouring the winners.

Megan blew the march of victory from G. Verdi’s Aida.

Josh cackled with glee.

Unfortunately, there was something missing onm him.

Maria whispered, “sweetie, your pants are gone!”

Josh gasped. “What?” He realised, “I’m just wearing my old boxers.” He concluded, “aw Megan!”

His little step-sister went pale.

Alas, it wasn’t her fault at all.

Maria covered his shame with her formal skirt.

I knew the one behind this.

Matthew Palmer Noid was sitting in the back of the onlookers’ area and grinned aggressively. Then he returned the pants to Josh. “Keep better care of your crap!”

Megan glared diabolically at Matthew. “Hey! Noone is allowed to pull pranks on Josh without my prior written consent.” But a few moments later, she admitted, “but this was cool, much better than Doheny’s work. We should talk about it sometimes, somewhere, somehow …” She cackled with inviting glee.

Matthew smiled and disappeared with his new friend.

53.5  Critical vengeance

The next morning, the customer of the week was unveiled.

Calvin had covered the portrait of the winner with a blanket. Now he was removing the latter. “It is Maris Bingham!”

The blond playgirl smiled triumphantly.

Michael was disappointed. “I’ve saved you from a marauder, and what do I get?”

Many other boys protested as well.

Calvin explained, “the customer of the week will always be a hot girl. Thus we can make out a bit while the others have to wait for their coffee …”

The pupils got angry. They had to wait because of Calvin flirting with the customer of the week?

That was so unfair!

Maris coughed. “Sorry, I’m only flirting with rich and hot playboys!” She snuck up to Logan and relaxed gleefully in his strong arms.

Logan pulled her into an excessively passionate kiss.

Suddenly, someone remarked, “Calvin wears no pants!”

The masses started laughing.

Calvin screamed for dismay. He rushed quickly behind the next shrubbery.

Megan Parker and Matthew Palmer Noid cackled diabolically behind my back.

I had to laugh my head off.

Calvin had so deserved that! He was never again see on this campus.

Megan and Matthew announced, “free coffee for everyone!”

I stayed away from the cart.

The stampede developing around the cart was terrible.

But one of the biggest jerks of California had been sent flying.

And that was worth all the trouble.

1
cameo in Zoey 101 : Dance Contest
2
from Zoey 101 : Quinn Misses The Mark
3
cf. Drake & Josh : First Crush
4
cameo in Drake & Josh : Treehouse

Here identified with Scooter, a cameo in Zoey 101 : Favor Chain

5
from Zoey 101 : Dance Contest

Chapter 54  Talent Shop

54.1  Destined envy

I was sitting in the foyer.

The coffe cart of Calvin was now gone for good.

There were still those vendor machine.

But nobody trusted them.

Dean Ruckner and Executive Chairman Berman had already ordered a stern examination of their reliability.

Until then, the only reliable source for coffee was the cafeteria.

But it was not open during several hours of the day.

On weekends, things were even worse.

Alas, maybe we lids were really drinking too much of that stuff.

Ashley bounded in. She held a cup with soy latter in her hands. “Chase, I’ve got more work for you.”

I sighed. “Another play?”

Ashley nodded solemnly. “It’s for the talent shop. It should be a short scene emphasising my lovely charm.”

I wiped a lot of sweat off my face.

The talent shop was a yearly event of our middle school department.

OK, I was going to try hard.

But lovely charm wasn’t exactly something to be associated with Ashley Blake.

She moaned, “too bad Vince won’t watch my performance. He has to train with his football team. I envy his team.”

Anyways, there were probably going to be a few other participants of the contest.

Indeed, Dustin passed by.

I asked him about the upcoming talent shop.

Dustin sighed. “I wanted to perform the saw-a-virgin-into-half trick on Scooter, my new roomie. But he’s such a loose bundle of nerves.”

I sighed.

Dustin explained, “Lola would be the best. Most middle school boys have got a crush on her. They even envy me for being her best friend’s brother. Alas, I doubt her to be a virgin.”

I shrugged. “Does it really matter?”

Dustin shrugged. “Probably not. Anyways, she’s so hard to talk into assisting.”

I remarked, “I see. How about Lola’s sister Shelby? She’s now at this school, too.”

Dustin nodded. “Maybe? But she had already got her own number.”

I sighed.

Was that talent show of the middle school kids really my business?

I asked, “Zoey could assist you.”

Dustin shook his head. “At the same time, she will go to book presentation by her favourite novelist. Thus she hasn’t got the time for that.”

I shrugged helplessly.

54.2  Miracle ruin

It was the morning of the day of the talent shop.

Zoey was upset. “I’ve finally got the permission to leave the campus for the lecture of Jadie Hawthorne. But now I haven’t got anyoe to get me there.”

I gasped. “Sorry for that. Can’t you borrow a teacher’s car?”

Zoey shook her head. “I need a responsible adult in order to leave the camous until after 20 p.m.”

I shrugged. “That’s bad. You’ve already asked Coco?”

Zoey shook her head. “She’s already gone visiting her sister. Evvy makes the best pasta sauce of Los Angeles.”

I suggested, “then stay here and watch Dustin. He will need your moral support.”

Zoey shook her head. “I’m going to die without seeing Jadie Hawthorne. Her new book is the best ever.”

I sighed.

Michael was upset. “I have to help Stacey building the pyramids of Gaza with cotton swabs and white glue.”

Zoey corrected him. “Gizeh.”

Michael looked absolutely dumbfounded.

I cackled noisily.

Michael poked me right between the ribs. “Now I can’t listen to Wendy’s presentation at the talent shop,”

Zoey suggested, “Chase, you could help Stacey instead. Your >Addie is not in the talent shop.”

I gasped. “I don’t deem this a good idea.” I stammered a few poor excuses. “Mark del Figgalo is a much better cotton swab holder than me, anyways.”

Undortunately, Mark was already appointed with Brooke Margolin. They wanted to knit a vest for Mr. Bender’s toddler.

I was looking for a mouse hole to hide in.

Lola walked in. “Hi!”

We greeted her back.

I asked, “Lola, may you assist Dustin at the talent shop?”

Lola shook her head. “I’m going to babysit the toddler of Mr. Bender.”

I sighed for despair.

Megan marched in. “Hey! Have you seen Dustin?”

Zoey nodded. “He’s practising his number for the talent shop.”

Megan shrugged. “I wanted to ask him to work together with me and Matthew. We could dish out the most magic number ever.”

I had no doubts about that.

Matthew was the master of vanishing pants.

Megan had raised Doheny from the dead, at least figuratively.

And Dustin knew a trick of sawing virgins.

Megan remarked, “oh, have you seen Drake and Josh? Mom has sent them in order to watch me performing at the talent shop.”

Lola swooned gleefully.

I grinned. “Good for you! But no see, as of yet …”

Megan disappeared sadly.

Alas, Drake and Josh slouched in, just a few minutes later.

Lola leaped forward in order to smooch the living hell out of Drake, the best kisser of California.

The two of them disappeared out of sight in no time.

Josh sighed. “Drake! We have promised mom to …”

I wondered, “you will see Maria before that?”

Josh smiled, melting away. “Aw Maria!” He picked up his phone and dialed his crush’s number.

Zoey was still clueless. “And I will die for missing out on Jadie.”

Maria Hughes stumbled in. “Aw, hi Josh!”

Zoey’s situation turmed more desperate from minute to minute.

54.3  Golden miracle

It was close to 6 p.m.

The talent shop was about to start.

Unfortunately, the event in the book shop twenty miles down the road was aldso going to start in a bit more than half an hour.

And there was still no responsible adult able to help Zoey getting there.

She started weeping like a willow.

Josh and Maria walked past us.

Josh sighed. “and now I’ve got to watch Megan. I don’t like that. But it has to be.”

Maria nodded. She gace Josh a little parcel. “That’s for your eighteenth birthday.”

Josh smiled. “Thanks, sweetie!”

Maria told Josh, “sorry for not coming with you to watching your step-sister. But I’ve heard about Stacey’s cotton swab pyramid. They wanted Michael or even Chase to assist her, But those guys lack any sense for good works of art.”

I gasped.“Why, thanks?”

Maria waved. “So I’m going to assist Stacey. See you after the show!” She walked away.

Zoey scratched her head. “Josh, you’re eighteen years old?”

Josh Nichols nodded solemnly. “That’s true, since yesterday!”

Zoey asked, “and you’ve come with your own car?”

Josh explained, “Drake’s and mine. But Megan has chosen it. I hate it. It’s a yellow beetle.”

Zoey shrugged, “who cares … have you got second keys?”

Josh nodded solemnly, holding his keys aloft.

Zoey grabbed Josh’s arm. “OK, you are my responsible adult for the evening.” She dragged the twitching bighead along with herself to the parking lot.

Josh didn’t exactly mind missing out on Megan. He would just have been subjexct to her tricky pranks, probably as an involuntary assistant at her number for the talent show. Thus he voluntarily guided Zoey downtown to the book shop. He loved books more than Megan’s tricks, anyways.

Thus Zoey had miraculously found a responsible lift to the book shop.

But was the talent show equally filled with miracles?

54.4  A magical time

The show was supervised by Mr. Bender.

This was the reason for his need for a baby sitter for the toddler.

Unfortunately, the talent show was moderated by Jeremiah Trottman.

The wannabe star reporter talked a lot of nonsense. “The first number will be Shelby Marx!”

Shelby entered the stage. “OK, today I’m going to perform some kungfu strikes. Do you see those solid granite slabs?” She pulled away some blankets.

We gasped.

It looked like one bick block of stone.

Shelby grinned. She panted in an aggressive manner. Then she hurled her hands aloft, released a deafening battle cry, and swang the edge of her hands down on the granite plates.

The stone blocks started to splinter and burst asunder at whim.

Snithereens of granite flew across the stage, hitting nosey Trottman right in his ugly face.

I laughed my living hindside off.

Everyone applauded insanely.

Shelby bowed deeply to the audience.

Then she slouched away. She needed to cool her palms.

Wendy was the next one in the ring. She griunned emphatically.

Michael cheered fanatically for his girlfriend.

Wendy performed a fanciful tune on her synthesiser.

I yawned.

But Michael applauded insanely.

Wendy walked up to Trottman. She appeared to play the old trick with three cups and a ball.

Trottman had to guess the location of the ball. But he always picked the wrong cup.

Finally, Trottman gave up.

Wendy grinned, waved, and left the stage.

Ashley was the next one in the queue. She performed a personality show named Chicago.1

Of course, I was the author.

Thus she better performed it well.

Otherwise I was going to feel a lot of wrath.

Ashley, clad with a dark hat and a walking stick, boasted narcistically with her ability of turning into the most popular person of Chicago, any sorts of mishaps notwithstanding. She concluded, “this city will hence be known as scareiCago!”

The hall threatened to burst for exorbitant applause.

Samantha Puckett was the next girl in the queue. She announced, “I am now going to combine several of my biggest talents in one number.”

We were all curious.

Sam continued, I will juggle with and then eat 800 large meat balls while performing salti on my skates, with my eyes blindfolded.

We gasped.

Sandy Baldwin blindfolded Sam.

Then Sam started juggling, skating, jumping, and swallowing the balls. She complained, “more garlic, please!” But she had not promised too much.

The applause increased from secon to second.

Were Dustin, Megan, and Matthew going to beat even this?

Megan climbed into Dustin’s box.

Matthew explained. “I will make this innocent virgin float. At the same time, Dustin will saw her into half. But Megan won’t just wait passively. She will play her oboe and conjure this rope into entangling us.”

We all looked puzzled.

I had never understood how those oriental jugglers made snakes follow the sound of their pipes.

According to Quinn, snakes had no delicate delicate accoustic perception.

But Megan wanted to make the same with a rope? In any case, she relaxed in her coffin.Then she held her oboe to her lips.

According to Quinn, it was very hard to play a woodwind instrument in such a position.

But Megan achieved it anyways.

Dustin started sawing.

Megan interrupter her play. “That tickles!” She giggled cheerfully.

Her coffin started floating aloft. It crossed the whole hall.

A red, warm liquid, mixed with powderd wood, dripped from the seams of the coffin box.

Alas, Megan kept on blowing mysteriously.

I was consternated up feeling a drop of the oozing liquid in my face.

Michael screamed for agony.

Finally, the damaged coffin broke apart.

The rope had now already seized Dustin and Matthew and started to tie them up.

Megan was now floating in the mid of the air.

No, wait, only the top half of Megan was there!

Where was the rest?

Our breath froze.

Alas, Megan grinned and kept on performing. She bowed down and bit my nose.

I screamed for agony.

Blood oozed forth from a hole in my face.

Megan spit my severed nose into Michael’s face. “It tastes so icky!”

Michael shrugged aghast.

Megan floate back to the stage, right to Matthew and Dustin.

The rope fell apart.

Duiustin and Matthew sighed.

Megan stood in their midst, but healthy and in one piece. “Thatnks for your attention!”

They bowed and walked off the stage.

Megan was healthy, but my nose was gone.

Michael fumbled with the bleeding thing. “Feels like rubber!”

A drop of the red, warm liquid hit my tongue. It tasted like raspeberry liquid.

Alas, my nose was still there.

Michael held a fake imitation of it in his hands. He laughed his hindside off.

In any case, the judges could not help but vote for Megan, Matthew, and Dustin.

Where was Trottman? He had been scared to death and was now in need to medical treatment.

But who cared about him, anyways?

54.5  You were supposed to be watching her!

The next morning, Zoey was totally upset. Shouldn’t she have been glad about Dustin’s triumphal performance.

I asked her, “wasn’t Jadie Hawthorne as expected?”

Zoey moaned, “it was totally lame. And I couldn’t even get a signed copy of a preprint of her next book because of the need of being back until midnight.”

I shrugged.

Zoey continuned, “but that wasn’t nearly all. I cam home and opened my door. Everything was in perfect disorder. Stacey’s cotton swabs were scatter all over my belongings.”

I scratched my chin. “How’s that possible?”

Zoey grunted, “Lola was expected to look after Bender’s toddler. But in Drake’s company, she was totally up to ‘other things’. The toddler was thus actually unsupervised and able to devastate the whole dormitory room. I had to look for it for over an hour, preventing more chaos. That was really mean. Stacey will be even more upset. I could tear Lola into smithereens with my claws and my teeth, I swear!”

I had never seen Zoey that upset and wrathful.

She should have stayed home and watched Dustin instead. Now she really had it coming.

Likewise, Josh had been supposed to watch Megan.

And the same was valid for Drake.

Megan had always pretended to be happy about being away from her boobs, viz. Drake and Josh. But was she really OK with it?

Dustin was sure disappointed most by Zoey’s absence.

And Mr. Bender better did not get to know about Lola’s understanding of babysitting.

Where was that leading to?

1
cf. Trina’s personallity Show in Victorious : Jade Dumps Beck

Chapter 55  Sam Wants A Record

55.1  I am the night you died

I had been awaiting my grandma’s death since quite some time.

She wasn’t going to live for much longer.

The birthday present from last year had thus been particularly valuable.

But not everyone loses his older relatives with foreshadowing.

That morning, a truck was halted at the entrance of the campus.

Zoey was called to the huge vehicle.

It was a cooled truck, used apparently for transporting otherwise fast-rotting food.

Zoey talked to the driver. She also had to sign something.

I wondered, “what’s going on?”

Zoey shrugged. “grand-uncle Morris just died.”

I was infinitely sorry. “You’ve got a grand-uncle Morris? I haven’t known that.”

Zoey shook her head. “Apparently, I haven’t got him any longer. And I have never heard about him, either.”

I looked dumbfounded.

This was going to cause me quite a bunch of headaches.

I was going to be haunted by this night forever. I had been half-awake all the time, thinking about my grandma.

Zoey should have met him alive.

Anyways, Morris seemed to be sort of a meat producer. The truck was chock full with pork ribs.

We had to cool them or use them up quickly.

Too bad, the cafeteria’s cold storage was not really expected to be able to keep such a big delivery.

Alas, Samantha Puckett had got some idea. “I’ve just looked into the Jonnace Book Of Records1.”

I shrugged cluelessly. “And so?”

Samantha started talking about the record of barbecue pork rib eating. “I so want to beat that record.”

We looked aghast at Sam, “You think to be able to beat the record? You don’t look so big.”

Sam grunted, “trust me, my stomach is a lot bigger on the inside than on the outside.”

We were still flabbergasted.

Sam started belching, filling the air with a roar making the dead turn over in their coffin.

Oops!

This was not showing much respect for said Morris.

Zoey had to remind her friend of some rules for decent behaviour.

But Sam’s message was clear.

Noone with a small stomach could have burped like this.

Zoey sighed. “OK, Samantha, I think … we will talk to Dean Ruckner about it.”

55.2  Something unheard of

We had made it into the headmaster’s office.

This was our first time here.

Of course, we had been here several times during the rule of Dean Rivers.

But Ruckner had changed a few things.

The office now lookerd overall warmer and more friendly.

Zoey Brooks explained the situation.

Samantha Puckett nodded solemnly. “My family has always been proud of eating skills.”

Dean Ruckner moaned. “I’m not sure we’d be a good example for the youth of the nation.”

We sighed for disappointment.

Dean Ruckner told Beverly to connect him with Executive Chairman Berman.

It took us a few minutes.

Executive cxhairman Berman dedcided, “wow, that’s really unheard of at our school. On the other hand, a spot in the Jonnass Book sounds like exquisite advertising.”

Dean Ruckner had to admit to the same.

Garth Berman was wondering about the necessary formalities for getting accepted by the Jonnass Society.

In this momen, Logan Reese stumbled in. “Hey!”

Dean Ruckner wondered, “have you fixed an appointment, Mr. …”

Logan grinned. “Reese … Logan Reese. My father is the biggest sponsor of this school. In other words, I don’t need a prior permission.”

Dean Ruckner was too obviously fairly new here.

Logan claimed, “one thing should be clear, … I’ve got the unique license for filming and marketing the event.”

Our headmaster had a hard time contradicting Logan.

The jerk grinned. “OK. We’ve got us. This will be the biggest doku ever made on the campus of the Pacific Coast Academy. Don’t forget this!”

Sam scratched her head. “He’s crazy.”

“Has always been, will always be,” I replied.

Finally, Garth Berman called back. “OK, Ruckner, the committee of the record society will send us an agent, Merlene Reymour2. The envoy will control everything and stuff.”

We were OK with this rule.

Logan shrugged. “Whatever, don’t forget about the Reese rib rub.”

We looked ignorant.

Logan boomed, “what, you’ve never heard about the Reese rib rub? The one and only barbecue spice mix of world-wide renown?”

We shook our heads.

Sam scratched her chin. “I’m open for all spices.” She rubbed her tummy in anticipation of the event.

Alas, Michael had already talked about his grandma’s barbecue marinade.

What was better?

Maybe we needed a really competent referee concerning this fact.

And such an experienced umpire could be no other than renowned star cook Evelyn Wexler.

55.3  Never let go

And there was the great day.

Evely Wexler had come over in order to decide on the uttermost important question: “Barret’s barbecue marinade vs. Reese rib rub.”

Her sister Coco wanted to chew the remains of Sam’s carnage.

Sam, on the other hand, knew about enjoying both of the condiments to the fullest.

Merlene Reymour represented officially the Jonass Society.

Deciding upon the validity of the record was thus entirely up to her.

Well, that was not quite the case.

Really, the society was going to decide upon a report provided by Merlene.

The agent had controlled the weight of the pork chops. Well, she needed to weigh them again after being grilled.

In any case, there were enough ribs for Sam to beat the existing record.

But, of course, Sam needed to be able to swallow them first. She had been fasting for a whole day. Now she was even more hell bent on stuffing her dummy with fat and juicy pork ribs.

There was hardly anything able to make her give up.

Garth Berman was around, too.

Merlene’s gaze was acribical.

Nothing escaped her.

Logan and Michael started independently grilling the chops.

Samantha stuffed the first ribs down her throat. She swooned gleefully.

Logan and Michael kept on bickering.

Zoey had got a hard time getting them to calm down.

At the same time, Evelyn Wexler started tasting both the rib rub and the barbecue marinade. She was completely pleased by the marinade.

Alas, the rib rub made her tongue wary.

She was not sure about the reason, though.

Samantha Puckett was not bothered by any of this. She kept on stuffing pork down her jaw, holding on tight to her dream. A few times, she appeared to be forced to give up. But she never did. After a few toots and belches, she was always able to continue.

Finally, Merlene Reymour declared the prerequisites of the record for accomplished.

Sam added a few more ribs to her stomach. She clenched her fists.

Dean Ruckner, Executive Chairman Berman, and Evelyn Wexler congratulated the new star of Jonnass.

Samantha Puckett bounced around. “Sam is the winner! Sam is the winner! Take that, Fredward!”

55.4  Delicious tragedy

The next day, Megan Parker reveiled some news. “You remember Evvy’s strange feeling upon tasting some of the Reese rib rub? I’ve sent Mindy a sample of it.”

I shrugged cluelessly. “That means?”

Megan panted heavily. “The world-renowned Reese rib rub contains air-dried Peruvian power puff pepper3.”

I had never heard of this,

Megan explaoned, “Peruvian puff pepper is one of the rarest and most delicious spices in the world.”

Sam rubbed her belly gleefully. “Must be! It ticvkles my intestines. I love that.” She giggled over and over, ignoring Megan’s less-than-pleasant voice.

Megan glared aghast. “You don’t know? Peruvian puff pepper is illegal in over thirty states, and in Puerto Rico!”

Sam shrugged.

Megan grunted, “it is suspected to cause severe chronical health conditions, such as kidney failure.”

Sam scratched her chin. “is that supposed to be bad?”

Megan choked and coughed. “I’ve already informed Dr. Glazer.”

Sam went pale. “What?”

Zoey Brooks stumbled in, followed tightly by her uncle, Glazer.

The medic ordered Samantha to take some special pills. Then he took a syringe with a long needle.

Samanrtha was a true Puckett, thus she was not afraid of the treacherous tool or any pain..

But I passed out on site.

Megan shook me awake again. She used her oboe for support.

I was still dazed.

Samantha Puckett had not been the only one to taste from Logan’s famous rib rub.

Truth spoken, I had licked my fingers previously stuck into the spice blend. Now I started feeling all the way bad.

Megan shook her head. “Aw you boob!”

Alas, Dr. Glazer showed now mercy.

Everyone exposed to Logan’s rib rub during the barbecue party was now subject to special treatment.

Megan asked Dr. Glazer, “you are related to Dustin and Zoey. Do you know about a Morris in their family?”

Of course, the medic may have been from ‘the other side of the family tree’, but he was totally clueless.

Megan was obviously up to a research. Did she suspect ‘uncle Morris’ to be a fake?

55.5  Intoxicating the mind

Megan’s research had gone on.

Only three days later, she filed me a report.

Her conclusions were as clear as mountain spring water.

“There is no such thing as a great-uncle Morris!”

I gasped.

Megan continued, “even in the case of his existence, the ribs have nothing to do with any deceased relative of Zoey’s and Dustin’s.”

I gagged. “But who wants Zoey to believe in a hitherto relative passed away, as of recent? That’s evil. It’s so evil.”

Megan slided cloaser to me. She started talking in whispers. “OK, boob, I’ve contacted the delivery company. More exactly, Matthew Palmer Noid has scanned their mind.”

I shrugged.

Megan continued, “the delivery has been prepaid from the account of no other than …” She halted her voice for a moment.

I panted, “please, tell me!”

Megan whispered, “Logan Reese!”

I almost threw up.

Was it the effect of the puff pepper?

Was it a side effect of the treatment by Dr. Glazer?

Or was my mind poisoned by my speculations about Logan Reese?

The jerk had made us swallow venomous spices. He had provided us with the meat. He had insisted in exclusive rights to film the event. He had probably been trying to market and promote his spice mix at any cost.

But the important question was:

Had Logan Reese ever been aware of the dangers emanating from his ‘world-renowned’ spice mix?

This question was not going to let me sleep for the next days, or maybe weeks, or months, if not years.

I did not want to spread any of my suspicions.

But sooner or later, Dean Ruckner and Garth Berman were going to be forced to scrutinise the background.

But I hoped for Sam to make it through the whole thing unscathed. She didn’t deserve to be a victim of Logan’s insane megalomania.

In any case, Merlene Reymour was now proferring unto us the official confirmation from the committee.

Samantha Puckett was soon going to receive the diploma for the record.

And there was a special surprise waiting for her:

She was going to be on the cover picture for the next tome, along with Father MacCurdy4, the world’s fattest priest. She was totally obsessed with that preacherman. Thus she bounced up and down all over the place. “Sam is the winner! Take that! Sam is the winner!”

Many pupils fainted for envy.

Especially Zoey sighed deeply. She had been so disappointed by her encountner with Jadie Hawthorne.

MacCurdy happened to be a great admirer of the gastronomical skills of Evelyn Wexler and was thus particularly keen on visiting us.

1
cf. iCarly : iWant A Record

probably a spoof off Guinness Book

2
from iCarly : iWant A Record
3
cf. Drake & Josh : Perufian Puff pepper
4
from iCarly : iWant A Record

Chapter 56  The Legend Of Charles Galloway

56.1  Fear of the fall

Inspite of being way over seventy years old, aforementioned Mre. Hotchins, the most perverse and evil teacher at Pacidfic Coast Academy was still in office.

This year, he was teaching economic studies for us juniors.

Lola Martinez had begged her mother in time to refrain from register her for these classes.

It must have been some golden instinct guiding her.

Others were not that lucky.

Zoey, for example, needed at least a B in these classes in order to stay bound for Harvard Business School, the wishful dream of her parents.

I was in those classes, too.

The same was valid for Michael, Logan, Nicole, Stacey, and Dana.

Really none of us could afford a failure in these classes.

Mr. Hotchins was mean to all of us.

The worst of all:

He had been such a rear orifice for many a decade.

And there had never been a successful attempt of stopping him.

This was probably due to some connection between Mr. Hotchins and Mr. Bradford.

But maybe it had also been the fault of Dean Rivers.

With Dean Rivers gone, there was now some new hope blossoming up.

But, of course, Dean Ruckner was not going to fling Hotchins for no reason.

We also had to convince the alumni and the executive board.

Garth Berman was hardly going to be an obstacle in the case of the existence of convincing reasons to stop him.

But we needed to show him the reasons.

Alas, the necessity of convincing the alumni gave me an idea.

“Why don’t we ask former students of the Pacific Coast Academy for hints?” I was really looking for witnesses of the mean character of Mr. Hotchins.

Michael shrugged. “Sure, but whom?”

Of course, Mr. Hotchins had left many traces in the yearbooks of the school.

His oldest mention is from the fifties.

Even as a student teacher he had tortured pupils on here.

There were most likely a few eyewitnesses left.

But we had to find them.

Homecoming week was in front of us.

I remembered a few names from the last years.

My biggest hope was principal Pal.

According to Crony, Pal was now retired. He had still taught social studies for a few months after his emeritation.

But even that was no longer the case.

Thus we were going to be forced to look for him elsewhere.

56.2  Urban legend

Michael beamed. “Hey! I know something about the first year of mr. Hotchins’s career, here at Pacific Coast Academy.”

I gasped. “What are you talking about?”

Michael sighed. “according to some legend, Charles Galloway had been a student here like 50 years ago.”

“Charles What?” I shrugged without a shred of a clue.

Michael continued, “that was the first year of the office of Mr. Hotchins.”

I was dumbfounded everytime when hearing about the length of the terror regime of Mr. Hotchins.

Michael continued, “Charles B. Galloway was one of his first students. Mr. Hotchins had been tntally mean to him. Charles could not help fleeing from one of the mean teachers’ lessons in terror. He has left for the barren wastelands and died in the wastelands of Redstone Gulch.”

I scratched my head. “What is Redstone Gulch?”

Michael sighed. “It’s rumoured to be some place out in the deserts of Venturi County, not too far from here. Anyways, the tomb has never been found.”

I shrugged. “Come on, these aren’t but silly urban legends.”

Zoey Brooks shared my opinion. “There’s not a shred of a proof for such a fairy tale.”

Michael was upset. He growled, “hey! I ould go and look for Redstone Gulch!” Fortunately, he had no clue about finding that spot in the barren wastelands.

Logan passed by us. “Just to clarify one thing: The exclusive rights for making a movie about Charles Galloway are mine.”

We wouldn’t even have been able to make a movie about it.

So what?

Lola whistled merrily. She was still glad about her destiny of having avoided classes by Mr. Hotchins. Sometimes, she made fun of us for our bad luck. “May I star in your movie?”

Logan nodded solemnly.

Lola beamed. “OK! I’m in it! Let’s look for the decayed remains of Charles R. Galloway!” She was, of course, hell-bent on starring in a popular movie.

I wrinkled my nose.

Nicole stumbled our way. “Oh, I’ve heard you talking about Charles Galloway.”

I asked, “you know him?”

Nicole grinned. “It’s a boy, right?”

I stammered, “kind of, sort of.”

Nicole squealed, “it’s a very cute boy, right?” Inspite of having been steadily dating Nicholas Webber for over two years, Nicole was still talking on and off about all sorts of cute boys.

Zoey shook her head. “Not exactly cute …”

Nicole needed an explanation. “Why not?”

Zoey explained, “he’s dead … he died fifty years ago, or so.”

Nicole pouted. “Ouch! Not cute!”

56.3  Barren abyss

A guy named Lafe had offered to guide us up to there. Was he to be trusted?

I knew him from the theatre club.

But he was a terribly hyperactive actor.

I preferred writing for Ashley Blake over writing for Lafe by a factor between ten and one hundred.

And, as well-known, working with Ashley was very enervating.

I definitely did not want to get lost in some deserted canyon.

Zoey wasn’t comfortable, either. But she could not let Lola walk out there alone with a bunch of irresponsible boys.

Whatever, we were now out in the deset.

Michael started singing Through The Desert On A Horse Without Name1.

We were carrying walk-and-talk radio devices and a compass.

Unfortunately, none of us knew how to use these correctly.

Too bad nobody like Quinn Pensky had been with us.

Time was running out of us.

Zoey already urged the group to return.

But where was the way back?

To continue or to return — thence it didn’t really matter.

We were, plain and simple, lost in the desert.

Suddenly, a shadowy figure appeared on the horizon.

We needed to watch it for a few minutes in order to recognise him.

It was Matthew Palmer Noid.

Zoey gasped. “What are you doing here, all alone?”

Matthew grinned. “Looking for a bunch of lost fellow pupils of the Pacifif Coast Academy … or what does it look like?”

I shrugged helplessly.

How had Matthew found us? Oh yeah, he had got that seventh sense.

That was somewhat scary.

But could he also guide us back?

Matthew grinned. “you’re not far from Redstone Gulch, anyways. It’s just around the corner.”

We were all consternated.

56.4  The valley of echoes

Matthew Palmer Noid had been guiding us another mile or two across the canyon. “I sense great evil at this spot … This must be the part of the canyon known to the natives as the valley of echoes.”

I tried, shouting, “what colour is my bread!”

A voice echoed from the walls of the canyon, booming, “red!”

Lafe shrugged. “But your sandwich is white!”

Zoey did not want to believe in evils. But she appeared scared.

Michael suggested, “maybe this is the tomb of Charles Galloway? He has probably not been buried under the auspices of a revered.”

Logan repeated the rules. Then he told us to dig.

Zoey still didn’t feel this right.

Michael grinned, “you still fear the legend to be verified?”

Zoey shook her head.

A minute later, a few items dug in the sands of the canyons showed up.

One of them was a rusty locket.

We were scrutinising it, searching for an inscription.

There was one, but it was indeed hard to read.

Mathew Palmer noid closed his eyes and laid his hands over the amulet. “Charles R. Galloway!”

We gasped.

Logan, Lola, and Michael squealed triumphantly.

Zoey remarked, “OK, you’ve found your proof. Now let’s dig it back into the sands and thence return to the campus. Sunset will be soon.”

I nodded solemnly.

But Logan neeeded the amulet as a proof. “Noone will believe us without the locket. And then my movie will be worthless.”

Zoey looked sternly at Logan.

He feigned hypocritically to return the locket to the sands.

I should have known better.

All of us should have.

But we trusted Logan and started to walk down to the coast.

There was only one night left in order to prepare for the important test in economy studies.

And Mr. Hotchins was not going to accept our adventures out here as an excuse.

56.5  The eye of the storm

We followed Matthew Palmer Noid’s intuition.

The sun was already setting.

But that wasn’t all.

A few clouds showed up.

It used to be very dry in this part of the desert.

Where did those clouds come from?

I guessed it to be a movie trick by Logan’s dad.

Logan must have ordered a few giys from the production team in order to make the scenario appear as dramatic as possible.

Matthew Palmer Noid explained, “I sense big evils in Zoey’s backpack.”

But Zoey Brooks was upset. “How dare you, you middle school gnome!” Maybe she shouldn’t have said that.

Matthew was the only one with a sense of orientation.

Being left alone by him could have sealed our doom.

But maybe the latter was sealed anyways.

The clouds were not just unusual for the desert region at that time of the year. They were of a strangely luminiscent green colour.

Michael wondered, “maybe a swarm of fireflies?”

Quinn would have torn his head off.

Female fireflies are luminiscent, but they can’t fly.

The reverse is valid for male fireflies.

The strange green luminiscent mist turned more and more dense.

It started spinning around like a cyclon.

Not even all of Logan’s money could have bought him a green tornado!

The obnoxiously luminiscent thing moved around. It was totally following us.

We tried to run away.

But Matthew Palmer Noid shook his head. “You fools! Don’t you know the rule: The safest place is in the eye of the tornado?”

Of course we had heard of it.

But this was all grey theory.

And now we needed to face the green practice.

But Matthew Palmer Noid was right.

We manged hiding in the centre of the cyclon.

After a few miles, we were able to see the lights of the campus.

It was now possible to find our way home.

Alas, the green tornado remained tough

Dustin and Megan had already been awaiting us at the rim of the campus.

For some moment, the tornado let us slip away.

We used this moment and stormed downhill, reaching the campus with our last breath.

But the swirling green massed did not appear to be done with us.

What were we still going to be forced to face?

1
song by America, not owned by me either

Chapter 57  Saved From Evil

57.1  Dying land

Dustin had already been anxiously awaiting us.

Megan sighed. “There must be something wrong. Disturbing the last rest of a doomed soul and stealing from the doom isn’t OK.”

Logan grinned arrogantly. “Come on, the canyon is almost dead land. It’s the perfect place for a corpse.”

Zoey was still trembling all over.

I reasoned, “maybe Matthew was not wrong. We should check your backpack.”

Zoey bellowed, “I haven’t taken anything from the tomb.”

I shrugged. “I believe you.”

Zoey sighed for relief.

Alas, Matthew Palmer Noid insisted in his wicked feeling. “it is really bad.”

Maybe someone should have blessed the tomb of Charles Galloway?

But, hey!

Father MacCurdy was about coming to town in order to visit Samantha Puckett for the oficial cover photograph for the next edition of the Jonnass Book Of Records.

Megan remarked, “the whole story of Charles Galloway stinks. And the fish rots from the head down.”

I twitched.

Megan continued, “noone has seen Charles Galloway after his departure from the campus. Yet the legend knew about the location of the tomb, more or less, that is.”

Michael squealed, “yeah, we have found the tomb!”

Zoey sighed. “Unfortunately …” She trembled over and over again.

Indeed, the billowing green luminiscent mass was now hovering above the campus.

This did not promise anything good.

But was it really connected to our intrusion into an unblessed tomb?

Megan continued, “OK, while you have been wastin your times in the withering wastelands, I’ve called an expert for cursed tomb.” Having opened her laptop for a video chat, she introduced me to a sinister-looking middle school goth girl named Jade West.

I shivered.

Jade’s gaze sent shockwaves down my spine.

She grunted, “I’m from Hollywood School Of Art.. And I am a hunter of monsters, fiends, and the undead. Don’t tell anyone from my school about it, not even my so-called ‘friends’.”

I gasped.

Jade removed her sleeves. “Do yopu see this pentagram?”

I took an astonished looked at a star tattooed onto Jade’s arm.1

Jade explained, “this pentagram protects me from monster. Currently I’m for example hunting a vampire disguised in the shape of an attractive boy named Beck Oliver.”

Lola had once met him during a cast session for a commercial. She deemed him a cool actor.

Jade continued, “He’s … popular. Most demons in human shape are popular and extremely hot. But I am now forced to go to his school and pretend to be his girlfriend until he is old enough to be staked. I feel like wasting my next five years on such a beast. Don’t tell anyone from my school about it. But it’s for the sake of human race. Anyways, barren wastelands may seem dead, but the dead are among us, inspite of not being seen.”

She really scared me.

The chat session was over, for now.

Was she really going to come over and stand by us?

Did she stand a chance against the menacing demonic mists?

57.2  Tumbling clouds

Two hours later, we were out on the campus again.

The scream of Stacey Dillsen had alerted us.

The cotton swab freak was more confused than ever befor.

Strands of the green clouds above us shot down from heaven, randomly hunting a few single pupils.

We wanted to hide in a safe place again.

But was there anything safe here?

Olivary reported, “The green mist oozed through the key whole of my dormitory room. Jake and I, we had to jump through the window in order to escape.”

Of course, they were not safe, not even now,

Stacey fell down the stairs,

Aw my gosh!

She may have been hurt badly.

Fortunately, the aggressive green clouds, now more and more audible, had temporarily chosen another victim.

Alas, the clouds appeared to laugh most demonically into the direction of Zoey.

Addie tried to help Zoey to hide.

Zoey squealed, “why me?”

Unfortunately there was probably no such thing as a safe place to hide waiting for the wrath of Charles alloway.

Dustin gllared at the copuds. “Don’t hurt my sister! Else I’ll kill you.” He yelled for Shelby, commanding her to kick and punch the clouds into oblivion.

Unfortunately, Shelby’s fist went through the swirling masses just like through the surrounding air.

Where was that going to?

Sam was joining us.

Needless to say, neither Samantha Puchett’s muscles nor her toots and burps were able to impress the wrathful mist falling down on us.

She still believed in a movie trick by Malcolm’s dad’s staff.

Lola beamed. She wanted to be seen on the scren, dancing with a ghost. Thus she advance forward to the mist.

But Shelby grabbed her. “Be careful! It may be a movie trick. But it has gotten out of hands.” She tore her elder sister away from the action.

Lola acused Shelby of trying to ruin her career.

Inspite of not believing in all the undead stuff, I was now hoping for the arrival of Jade West.

Was there any other hope left at all?

57.3  Her eyes believed in mysteries

By midnight, the spook was still going on to its fullest.

Finally, Jade West arrived. She was not alone.

A fake red-haired girl squealed in a bimboish manner, “hi, I’m Cat.”

Zoey shook hands with Cat Valentine. “Cat like the animal?”

Cat nodded solemnly. “Wow, he’s cute!” She pointed at Lafe, our inept leader through the desert of desolation.

Plastering a seductive smile, Lafe bowed deeply before Cat. “Come on, let’s go away from here!”

Cat smiled and followed Lafe.

Jade was now even more impressive.

Her eyes betrayed increasingly her fascination for solving the mysterious gaze.

And then there was , once more, the star on her arm.

Jade explained, “this is not just a star, it’s a pentagram.”

I shrugged helplessly.

Jade explained, “this is a symbol of the domination of the mind over the elements of nature and the demons of the ethereal world. Handfle correctly, with one tip of the star pointing up, it will give me the power to destroy the oozing green terror. But with the tip pointing down, our doom will be sealed.”2

I gasped.

Megan once more admonished me not to talk to anyone about Jade’s secret. “Not even Cat. She’s a pain in the guts.”

Jade’s quest was far from being finished. But now she stepped out on us.

I still hadn’t understood the whole fuss about her star, or, as she calls it, a pentagram.

She stretched her right arm aloft.

Megan distracted others with the sound of her oboe.

They were not supposed to know about Jade performing a magical ritual with the goal of banishing the diaboli green masses. Even less were they supposed to touch Jade or mess otherwise with her mysterious ritual.

Cat walked up to Zoey’s backpack. “Wow! It is cute! I want one like this, too!” She started funbling with it.

Zoey was not exactly pleas4d, but she allowed Cat to play around with it, anyways. She had never been able to prevent her ‘best friend’ Nicole from doing so.

But at least Nicole was concentrating on the cuteness of boys and of hair.

But Cat was apaprently targetting much broader categories.

Suddenly, a noise was heard next to Zoey’s backpack.

Something must have dropped out of it.

We took a closer look.

It was precisely the locket from the tomb of Charles R. Galloway.

How did it make it into Zoey’s backpack?

There could only have been one person behind it.

Whistling innocently, Logan was sneaking away.

Michael thundered, “Logan Reese! If the ghost kills us, I will kill you!”

Alas, the dangerous clouds were gone.

Jade West must have succeeded.

Ecveryone was consternated.

Jade told Cat, “come on, we’ve still goyt a long scooter trip in front of us.”

Zoey promised her to make her a cute backpack as soon as only possible. For the moment being, she gave Jade and Cat a pair of illuminated socks. “For your scooter trip home!”

Cat donned the socks and squealed for increasing excitement.

Jade urged her to hurry up.

Finally, the campus emptied itself.

But there were only a few hours left until the crucial test in business studies.

And we had not found any sleep in twenty hours, or any time to learn, either.

57.4  Ancient tale

The green horror had not only scared us pupils.

Likewise, many a classroom was deserted, dead like the wastelands of Redstone Gulch.

This included the room destined for us to write our test for business study classes.

Mr. Hotchins was not pleased. He was angrily looking for the culprits having destroyed the classroom. But he was determined to make us write the test right now, anyways. Also, he refused to accept any ancient story about Charles Galloway.

Alas, it was not going to be easy to find an undamaged classroom.

Dean Ruckner came along.

Mr. Hotchins complained about the situation. “The kids have destroyed all the class rooms in order to prevent me from letting them write the hardest test ever. But they are so misguided. A deserted clasroom won’t prevent me from …”

Dean Ruckner shrugged carelessly. “The test is cancelled.”

Mr. Hotchins continued talking about severe punishments to be inflicted remoreslessly and mercilessly upon the pupils found to be the culpritts of the chaotic devastation. But, after a minute, he realised Ruckmner’s words. “What? The test is cancelled?”

Mr. Ruckner nodded solemnly. “Likewise, you are suspended.”

Mr. Hotchins looked consternated. “What? I’ve been serving this school for half a century without ever …”

Mr. Ruckner shook his head. “We have got witnesses for your fraud and your not-so-humane teaching methods.”

We kids lkooked estranged.

Mr. Hotchins protested. “I’ll tell Mr. Bradford, and the board …”

The dean shook his head. “Mr. Bradford has died last week. His son-in-law is fully behind my decision, and so is Executive Chairman Garth Berman. Let alone the alumni …”

Mr. Hotchins looked consternated.

Mr. Pal, former principal of James K. Polk’s, limped in. “Hi! Hotchins!”

His voice was furious.

The mean teacher’s face cramped.

Mr. Pal told a few terrible stories about the classes back then. “I should have come out earlier, but …”

We wanted to know why.

Pal explained, “There was Vietnam, and then many things went forgotten. Also, I haven’t been very popular at the beginning of my career, either. It took a few years. I supposed teachers to mellow down. And, I tell you, most teachers do. But there are apparently a few black sheep.” He glared intop te direction of Mr. Hotchins.

Our teacher for economy coughed. Then he left us through the window. He was still dern agile for his age.

Zoey sighed for relief, but she was also worried. “We need the credits for this class. Without any teacher …”

Dean Ruckner nodded. “Fortunately, I’ve also obtained a single-subject license for teaching business classes. Let’s start right away. I’ve copied you something to read until next week. We will then discuss the schedule for the rest of the year.” He wiped some sweat off his cheeks.

We were glad about it. Of course we had to learn a lot, anyways.

But Ruckner was not unfair.

Alas, who was going to perform his tasks as the dean?

Ruckner explained, “I’ve already talked about it to Garth Berman. Mr. Pal will be the deputy dean for the next time.”

The veteran headmaster nodded solemnly.

We cheered and bounced around.

57.5  Wandering spirit

Of course, we were hell bent on getting to know more about the legend of Charles Galloway.

Fortunately, a first-hand witness was now dwelling among us.

We asked Deputy Dean Pal about the missing pupil.

He nodded and started talking, “it was really horrible. Hotchins started yelling at some of us, but especially at Charles Galloway, for no reason. This pushed finally Charles over the edge.”

I asked, “and then Charles ran away into the desert?”

Megan shrugged. “why has nobody seen him ever since? His belongings have been found at Redstone Gulch, just as told by the legend. But how’s that possible?”

Principal Pal coughed. “That legend … really, Charles Galloway went to the marines and was one of the first pioneers in the war of vietnam. He must have died somewhere doiwn there, like so many.” Pal sighed.

It was certainly not a pleasant memory, either.

Megan gasped. “So how did his belongings get to Redstone Gulch?”

Principal Pal shrugged. “That legend was probably a prank by some later students. They will have made a field tripo over there and hit some stuff, amking everyone believe in the story.”

I groaned, “that’s evil! Really evil!”

My fellow pupils nodded.

Zoey handed Mr. Pal carefully the locket of Charles Galloway.

The ex-principal shook his head. “Charles never had anything like that.”

Thus it must have been a fake inscription.

Who was sick enough to place a fake amulet into the wastelands of Redstone Gulch?

The story still stank.

And what was the horrible green mass banished by Jade West really?

It could ot have been the ghost of Charles Galloway.

Megan remembered Jade talking about a restless wandering spirit.

I did not understand that. Should I have let sleeping dogs in piece?

This was going to cost me a few nights’ worth of sleep.

But at least the real curse of Pacific Coast Academy, viz. Mr. Hotchins, was gone for good.

1
the star is seen in Victorious : Survival Of The Hottest
2
cf. Éliphas Lévi : The Key Of The Great Mysteries

Chapter 58  Sibling Love

58.1  Blood and tears

A few days later, Logan received a parcel from Japan.

His father Malcolm was about making a movie right over there.

Dustin had been paid by Logan for carrying the parcel.

Zoey was upset.

But Dustin was totally cool with that.

Apparently the payment was OK.

Vince and Logan opened the parcel.

It contained, among other things, a Japanese cellular phone named J-phone, and a japanese movie.

Logan grinned. He talked with a low voice, “The J-phone is illegal in the USA. It downloads my favourite movies over night. Wireless! Much better than any invention of spazzes like Quinn Pensky.”

I shrugged carelessly.

Michael wondered, “how does it know your favourite movies?”

Logan replied, “the phone is cool, I am cool, so what?”

Michael moaned.

The Japanese movie, Shinusha, was even worse. It was one of those brute blood-and-tears movies not suited for minors. In most states of America, it was even illegal for adults.

Addie’s brother Ben had once watched a movie from the same serious, named The Liver Eater, with his former girlfriend Jen. He had tried to pretend being cool. But he ended up hiding in the toilets and throwing up.1

But Logan did not care.

Dustin smiled. “Hey! I want to watch it, too!”

Zoey gasped. “Dustin! What are you doing? You know, this is not a movie for little kids!”

Dustin replied, “I’m old enough to care for myself, ain’t I?”

Zoey sighed.

Ashley Bake nodded. “Vince allows me to watch it with him.”

Zoey choked and coughed.

Of course, Dustin just had to be cool enough to watch the movie. He could not stay back behind girls of his age.

Also Megan wanted to see the movies. “The boobs always try to tell me to be too young for these. But, really, its them being unable to bear it.”

Dustin nodded solemnly.

Shelby Marx grinned ecstatically. “I’m not afraid of dark ninjas. I will punch and kick them right down where it hurts most, making them scream like little babies!” She boasted with being infinitely much more courageous than even her elder sister Lola.

Thus four middle school kids were going to watch the horrror movie along with Logan and Vince.

That was somewhat scary, wasn’t it?

Samantha Puckett, on the other hand, was not interested in the movie. “If I wanted to watch horror scenes, I’d return to Seattle to my mom. I had to go through many worse things before the age of ten, and I am still alive.” She shrugged.

I had not seen any reason to doubt Sam’s words.

Her mom and her many wannabe-step-dads were much worse than hundreds of years in hell.

58.2  Fire

The night had not started in a pleasant manner.

OOur dorm was adjacent to Logan’s.

Michael had feigned to not care about the movie. But he had been pressin his ear against the wall all the time.

Mark remained unaffected after returning from supper with Brooke Margolin.

I had tried to sleep as soon as can be.

But this had been for naught.

A scream protruding from Logan’s dormotory room had stabbed brashly my fledgling slumber.

It must have been the end of the horror movie.

And less than three hours later, alert bells rang out.

This must have been a fire alert.

Michael stood immediately upright in his bed.

Mark yawned. “I haven’t got better things to do at three a.m. than trotting out to the campus square!”

We got ready for the evacuation.

The boys from the adjacent dorms were consternated as well.

Logan and Vince were the joining us on their way out to the campus.

Alas, Vince was sopmewhat burdened. He carried Ashley in his arms.

The tweenie girl had wrapped her arms firmly around Vince’s neck. She shivered all over.

Vince tried to calm her down. “It’s OK, Ashley, I’m here with you, and you’re safe.”

Ashley rubbed her face tightly against Vince’s shoulder.

“I had never had to hold Ashley this way since her age of four,” explained Vince, “and mom and dad didn’t either. But this movie really scared the hell out of her.”

Logan shrugged. “It was a normal evening movie.” Alas, he trembled through and through. But, being a sadomasochist, Logan probably enjoyed his own and Ashley’s fears.

Vince glared aghast at his room mate.

Logan just shrugged.

Dean Ruckner walked up to us. “It was a blind alert. There is no fire.”

I sighed for exorbitant relief.

There had been enough horrors during my time at this school.

Dean Ruckner continued, “the alert was fake. Chief Becker and his technical team is still looking for the reasons. But it was no fun. I don’t hope any of you being behind it.”

We all looked puzzled.

I just wanted my sleep.

Ruckner was annoyed about Ashley in Vincent’s arm.

Vince explained, “she’s my little sister. She’s easily horrified. And after this …”

Dean Ruckner nodded politely. “You may keep her in your dorm for this night. I don’t want to wake up the girls, and I most definitely don’t want to wake up Miss Coco Wexler.” He shuddered with excruciating disgust. “Just don’t make it become a habit!” He sent us back to our beds.

Vince sighed for relief.

Alas, I was now worried about Dustin, Shelby, and Megan.

Dustin was definitely a lot more fearsome than Ashley.

Vince shrugged helplessly. “They ran away screaming at the end of the movie, wonder where.” He was too tired and too much worried about his sister. He snuck back to our dorms right on site.

And so did most of the other boys as well.

I sighed and followed them.

58.3  Laughter from the flames

The rest of the night did not leave me in peace, either. Rather, it left my mind in pieces.

I had to dream about the fire of Sushi Rox.

Some kids still deemed me guilty.

I was forced to dream about the technical failure of Mindy Crebshaw’s, Wayne Gilbert’s, and Quinn Pensky’s multi-purpose power converter.

And, of course, the incident with the wandering spirit from Redstone Gulch, the threatening luminiscent green mass, shaped as an unnatural cyclon, was still haunting me.

In my nightmare, all those incidents were melting into one.

The voice of the spirit boomed through the swirling red hot masses of fire, accusing me of having set Sushi Rox ablaze and almost made the power converter explode into smithereens.

This was so terrible.

I woke up and screemed.

Michael told me to shut up. He needed his sleep.

I did, too, of course.

But my nightmare did not care.

Only Mark remained apathetical. This had been the case during the whole fire alert, too.

Michael was also still under the shock of all those previous events. He just made less of a fuss about it.

I stuffed cotton swabs into Michael’s ear — a gift from Stacey Dillsen — making him here less of my screams and have a somewhat quite rest of the night.

My night and my sleep had been burst irreparably into smithereens.

58.4  There will always be a monster

The next morning, I crawled and slouched into our foyer. I started yawning like a rusty steam engine.

Michael tried to cheer me up. But he wasn’t at ease, either.

Vince showed up. He still had to carry Ashley around. He sat her onto a couch nearby.

Ashley refused to loosen her grip on her big and strong brother’s shoulders.

Vince needed several minutes to calm her down.

Logan grinned. “Yeah! My J-phone has downloaded three new movies, this one is coool. The march of the long knives. We’ll watch it tonight, Vince, won’rt we?”

Vince span around. “LOgan? Are you crazy?” He grabbed the J-phone.

Logan looked aghast. “Vince? What are you doing?”

Vince crushed Logan’s mobile phone between his fingers. “Never again will you fetch movies exciting my sister beyond any reasonable measure, will you?”

Logan gasped. “Hey! The J-phone was expensive. You will pay me for it.”

Vince replied, “sure, after you’ve paid for the extra sessions of Ashley’s psychotherapists. You know what those stupid shrinks require today?”

Logan grunted arrogantly, “that’s not my business!”

Vince glared infuriated at Logan.

Logan would have done the same for Morgan Eichman. But now he just laughed about Vince’s concern. He had fallen a long way.

Lola slouched in, yawning like a sick elephant.

I asked her, “have you seen your sister Shelby?”

Lola nodded. “She had been curling up to a ball in my bed, all night long. I’ve never seen her in such a state. Now I have to fewtch her breakfast.”

I replied, “that’s the fault of Logan’s movie. It was horrible.”

Zoey walked in. She was in an equally miserable state. “We returned from our footcare, and what did we find? Dustin, Shelby, ad Megan all hiding under a blanket in my bed.”

I asked, “where is Stacey?”

Zoey and Lola had not got a clue.

Lola reported, “Dustin stammered something about crazed masked ninjas, running around in a frenzy and stabbing people to death with chop sticks.”

I almost puked. “That’s sick!”

Zoey claimed, “Logan and Vince will be so sorry for that.”

I pointed at still consternatnendn nnAshley. “Vince has already been ounished enough, he had to hold Ashley all night long in his arms, like a little baby.”

Lola shuddered. “You think our night was easy? Dustin crept into Zoey’s bed, Shelby crawled into mine, and I had to call Drake Parker in San Diego.”

I scratched my head. “But he’s your fiancé, you love calling him.”

Lola glared. “But I don’t want to shoo him up at midnight and tell him and come here and take care of his little sister. Yet Megan cried in agony. I had no other choice.”

Drake limped in, holding Megan tightly.“Everything’s OK now, it won’t happen again.” He exzplained, “Lola alerted me at midnight. I had to drive for three hours in order to care for Megan.”

Megan shook her head. “Please, you need to stand by me for another night.”

Drake gasped, “What? You should be over that movie.”

Megan started screaming and sobbing. “Play me something on your guitar! There are certainly other monsters out there. You have to protect me. Or I’ll tell mom.” She dug her face in Drake’s belly.

Drake was confused. “She hasn’t requested that in eight years! Now I have to rent a room in Come OnInn in order to be here to comfort Megan.”

Lola looked at Zoey, “we better go back to Shelby and Dustin. They will scream themselves to death.”

Zoey sighed. “I would never have thought about this to happen.”

Sad Lola nodded solemnly.

There was nothing for them to do about it.

But they hoped for the spook to pass by as soon as can be.

What had happened to Stacey?

The cotton swab girl crawled in, fumbling with her telescope. She trembled and shivered all over. She had spent last evening with watching the horror movie by means of hiding outside the window of Logan’s dorm, using said optic device for improved vision. She was probably just trying to watch Logan and ‘his strong arms’. Apparently, she had not taken the blood and gore part of themovie very well.

58.5  I miss who you were

A few days passed by.

The fears of the middle school kids had not been going down.

At least they were still desperately clinging to their elder siblings.

Why was there not yet a ‘quinnvention’ against these fears?

I needed to return a borrowed comb to Zoey and showed up in Brenner Hall.

Lola, Zoey, Dustin, and Shelby were playing table games.

Suddenly, Vincent Blake stumbled past me.

I stumbled out of his way.

Vince cried, “stop! It was all a fake!”

Zoey and Lola looked up.

Dustin and Shelby tried to hide neath the table.

But Zoey found them anyways.

Vince explained, “Ashley fessed up. She had that idea from a movie to be shot.”

Lola banged her head against one of the bed posts. “Dang! That movie! How could I have forgotten about it!”

Zoey wondered, “what movie?”

Lola explained, “one where a kid of ten years convinces a divorced parent to come back, by feigning extreme fears.” She had to admit. “Ashley must be a damn’ great actress. And she’s able to teach her friends in acting.” She sighed deeply.

Zoey looked Dustin. “Aw my gosh! Whyt, Dustin, why?”

Dustin explained, “Because I miss you!” He claimed to be speaking for the whole ‘alliance of little siblings’.

Zoey looked dumbfounded. “what? We see us every day …”

Dustin sighed. “That isn’t enough.”

Shelby nodded vigorously.

Megan has always denied to miss Drake, hell, she had seen this separation as the best possible thing in her life.

But, apparently, she needed him badly.

Shelby continued, “you’re here for us in need, and we appreciate that, but we also want to undertake fun things together.”

Dustin nodded. He told Vince, “you had a lot of fun with Ashley as her body guard. But since Sarah Kyla and Shelby took over …”

Shelby sighed. “It just isn’t the same.”

Vince almost started weeping. He had been spending so much time on the football field to notice that. “But my team needs me too.”

They just needed to plan their time better.

Zoey started calculating how to spend more time with Dustin. She inspired Lola and Vince.

Lola cuddle Shelby as fondly as can be.

Zoey squeezed Dustin the same way.

Vince went in order to treat Ashley in a similar manner.

But what about Drake and Megan?

Addie had been looking for me and — finally — found me. Facing the problem, she suggested, “many elementary school kids asked me about teaching them to play the guitar. I haven’t got that much time, and I’m ot a very inspirational teacher. But Drake could come to Malibu as a guitar teacher. He would earn a few bucks her, and be at the same time closer to Megan. Someone else would enjoy this plan a lot, too.” She looked at Lola.

The Hollywood star beamed and squealed for ecstasy.

Drake was gladly going to accept Addie’s suggestion.

Megan was a bit ashamed when admitting to missing Drake. But she was bounced around the campus with glee upon hearing the newss of Drake making it as a guitar teacher to the Pacific Coast Academy.

Finally, Stacey could move back into her dorm. She had been afraid of Dustin and Shelby spoiling her cottonswabs and thence spent several nights in a treehouse built by her for Robbie Carmichael.

By the way, the fire alert had been triggered by Logan’s J-phone, as figured a few weeks later upon a visit by Mindy Crenshaw.

Vince had destroyed it because of the disgusting movies to be downloaded with its help. Thus he had unknowingly saved us from more stupid fire alerts.

This served Logan well. He had lied to his dad about the danger of the movies and the J-phone. Now he better kept his mout shut about the broken phone.

Malcolm would not have been exactly pleased.

What had I learned from all of this? In any case, I was now going to dedicate my next big play to the topic of perfect sibling love, this time with both Ashley and Lola as the stars.

1
cf. Unfabulous : The Dark Side

Chapter 59  Dance With Logan

59.1  Growing fonder

Ihad not found too much time to spend with Addie, as of recent.

Even half a year after coming out with our not even self-admitted feelings, down to Frank Sinatra’s song, we were still trying to slide along the rails of being old acquaintances.

Wendy and Michael tried hard to trick us into stuff like candle light dates and endless makeout scenes.

But we had never seen any reason for that.

Maybe all those things were necessary for kids freshly fallen in love.

But, as aforementioned, we had never been falling. We had climbed down slowly over the course of a decade, too slow to notice until the fatal double date with Wendy and Michael.

Our lives hadn’t change drastically ever since.

I just dared to ask Addie a lot more private questions, even in the absence of others.

The same was valid vice versa.

For example, I asked her about any changes of her ways of seeing Ben.

They had often been at each other’s throat.

But the same was valid for Megan and Drake.

Nevertheless, Megan had suffered badly from missing her elder brother, inspite of having found several new friends pretty fast, including in particular Matthew Palmer Noid.

Addie sighed. “Yeah, Megan and Drake, that’s a long story. I’ve never believed her to think that poorly about Drake, and also Josh for that matter.”

Addie and Megan used to hang out for quite some time during family visits in California, and they still did.

Addie continued, “it isn’t exactly the same with me and Ben. But, like Megan, I have always hated standing in his shadow.”

I nodded solemnly.

Addie had just been a bit older and more mature than Dustin, Shelby, Megan, and Ashley when making it to the Pacific Coast Academy. “But Ben could come hereto for more visits, anyways.”

Indeed, there was a plan.

Since the demise of Calvin, former owner of the coffee cart, there had been quite some dearth of snacks on the campus, especially outside the opening time of the cafeteria.

The corrupted vendor machines were only slowly replaced with more reliable ones.

Ben had worked for several years in a smoothie bar. He was certainly not a bad snack vendor. But he shouldn’t have known about being missed by Addie.

There needed to be another reason to lure him to this campus as a smoothie vendor.

I promised Addie to look for help on that subject.

She rubbed her nose tenderly against my cheeks.

59.2  Grave acceptance

With my steadily improving relationship with my beloved step-cousin, I was also growing more sensitive towards those who had not yet been that lucky.

Ashley Blake had been secretly hankering after Drake Parker for three years.

But the latter was hardly ever going to give up on Lola Martinez.

Getting Ashley and Lola to act as sisters in my play about sibling love was thus not an easy enterprise.

I better took care of that before running into bad eclats.

The play about the alien girl had made me planning a lot more carefully.

In a break, I decided to talk to Ashley.

She sighed. “What’s up?”

I asked, “are you still envying Lola over Drake?”

Ashley sighed. “I hope to be over that. It wasn’t easy for me to accept him as Lola’s though. I’m now into another star.” She swooned.

I was curious. “Wow! Who would that be?”

Ashley told me, “Jett Stetson1”

I shrugged.

He was another teenage actor.

Ashley had met him only once during a casting session.

But that was enough.

Now she expected me to write a play in order to bring the two of them together.

There was one problem:

Jett Stetson appeared to have got his mind set on Jo Taylor2, teenage actress, stunt girl, and, on top of all, niece of our former Dean Taylor.

That was one tough chunk to swallow.

But I promised Ashley to give my best when writing the next play for her and Jett Stetson.

59.3  A love remembered

Although Zoey was very popular, she had never been able to get beyond a few dates. I remebered our common dates.

Two long yearshad already gone by ever since.

Many things had happened.

The thing with Danny, probably a fake Danny, anyways, had not gotten anywhere.

I had been so right by guessing him to be a jerk.

Alas, rubbing this into Zoey’s face would have made her horribly upset.

She didn’t want me to intervene.

And thus I didn’t.

This was equally the case for her current relationship with one Lance Rivers.

He was the son of our former headmaster. But he still lurked around here on the campus of the school.

I wondered why.

It was probably just for the girls.

And Zoey was one of his victims.

Fortunately, Lance did no longer have all of the connections.

Being the son of the the dean would have increased his power as a jerk immensely, to the point of abusing and seducing any girl as popular as Zoey.

Likewise, Dustin couldn’t stand Lance at all.

And Zoey’s promise to spend more times with him somewhat lead to detoxifying her slightly spoiled mind.

Zoey still wanted to demonstrate her supreme qualities as an elder sister unto everyone, especially her closest competitor for that title, her own roomie Lola Martinez.

Thus her dates with Lance Rivers were running soon out of fuel.

James Garrett was going to arrive during the next term.

Maybe he was a greater chance for Zoey?

59.4  Lost in dreams

Dustin Brooks’s first two relationships with girls, viz. Wendy Gellar and Sandy Baldwin, had not survived a summer break.

That was such a pity.

Also, Jasmin was not really fascinated by him.

Now his feelings had been starving and withering away for over a year.

He had made a few crazy things in order to impress girls.

But nothing ever came out of it.

Zoey and Lola would have liked to see him dating Shelby.

But this didn’t get anywhere.

Alas, the two of them ganged up in another way.

While spending several nights in a dorm with Zoey and Lola, they had found the bras of the girls lying around, taken pictures of them, and charged others for viewing these, either directly or over the interweb.

They had been instigated into doing so by Megan Parker.

Zoey and Lola would not have been pleased about this.

Fortunately they had not yet come to know.

It was a hitherto well-guarded secret.

But there was sometning in sight for Dustin.

Samantha had often talked about her best friend, Carlotta Shay, accidentally also a cousin of Megan Parker.

Said Carly was soon expected for a visitors’ day for interested students.

Dustin had already had a dream about Carly. He was now swooning all time long and looking forward to visitors’ day.

I hoped him not to wake up the hard way.

Girls could be so hard to predict.

Carly may have laughed about him because of his small size, like most girls did.

Dustin was now as old as me just before meeting Zoey for the first time.

A disappointment would have hit him extremely hard.

He was such a nice guy and deserved a whole lot better.

59.5  Somewhere out there

Last but not least, I was still worried about Stacey Dillsen.

The cotton swab freak was incessantly obsessed with boys like Logan Reese.

But the ruthless jerk only made fun of her. We would have most likely abused her shamelyessly, anyways.

Now I met Stacey in the foyer with a laptop and a DVD in her hands. “A program for watching stars?”

Stacey shook her head. “The DVD is sold by Logan. It is named ‘Dance With Logan’.”

The jerk of jerks had actuially made a DVD animating all those ‘lonely girls’ at the Pacific Coast Academy into dancing virtually with him.

And Stacey was one of those.

So Logan appeared to do nice things for them. But he was really looking down on all those freaky girls like crap.

Should I have made Stacey understand?

It wasn’t really my business.

But after several mental struggles, I decided to do it anyways. “OK, Stacey, Logan is not good enough for you.”

As expected, Stacey looked grumpy. She pouted and did not want to believe me.

I explained, “he has been my friend and room mate for two long years. Thus I know what a jerk he is. You can do so much better.”

“Better than Logan Reese? A hot and rich …” Stacey grunted like a pig.

I sighed. “You love your cotton swabs, don’t you?”

Stacey nodded solemnly.

I replied, “so why don’t you look for a boy that respects your love for cotton swab sculptures, and even enjoys building sculptures with you? Logan, on the other hand, hates your sculptures, makes fun of them, and does everything in order to destroy them deliberately where it goes.”

Stacey pouted. “Can you prove it?”

I sighed. “You just need to test him. Give him a cotton swab model as a gift. He’ll dispose with it as soon as possible. Or so I swear.”

Stacey looked aghast. “But where are boys enjoying cotton swabs?”

I could not answer on site. “There will be some, maybe at Hollywood School Of Arts.” I shrugged.

Stacey sighed. “OK, I’m going to watch out for that!”

Indeed, I was going to been proved ight by the suggested experiment.

But was it going to be easy for Stacey to find a suitable peer freak?

1
various cameos in second season of Bigtime Rush
2
regular inBigtime Rush

Chapter 60  Flying High

60.1  Gliding over glass

Once in a year, Blix organised a tour of the Blix van to various Californian schools.

This year, the van was stopping also on the campus of the Pacific Coast Academy. They promoted their new product, zingleberry flavour.

There was something for us to win.

We kids were allowed to stand around the van.

The last one to stand was going to be awarded with a helicopter trip to a place of his choice, with a chosen accompanying person.

Of course there was one additional hitch.

We needed to keep at least one hand on the Blix Van, be it the window glass, the tyres, or the metal shell, all the time.

It didn’t necessarily have to be the same hand. We could switch occasionally.

Likewise, a few breaks were scheduled for using the toilets.

Of course the van was too big for all of the pupils of our school.

Thus, after casting dice, Dean Ruckner decided to let us juniors participate.

Not all of us were comfortable letting their hand slide over the cool glass or the hot iron of the vehicle.

But the reward was worth it, at least for a bunch of us.

Lola decided to spend the day on Drake’s lap, though.

But Logan was hell bent on winning the trip.

I wondered why.

The Reese family had probably more than one helicopter, for all those movies requiring shots from above.

What did Logan need the Blix heli for?

We did not know.

And exactly this made us feel uncomfortable.

Zoey wanted to make a trip to the fashion fair in Milan.

This was a city in Italy, a part of Europe.

Or so had I been told.

But whom did she want to take along?

I was not yet sure abourt my destination.

A trip with Addie to the broadway would have been cool.

We wanted to watch the new statue of Frank Sinatra.

But winning was going to be so hard.

60.2  Like shattered glass

Half a day had gone by since the start of the contest.

Logan had been cheating and bullying all the time. He appeared with crutch sticks, feigning broken limbs. Thus he was allowed to sit on a chair while touching the outside of the van.

Nicole had been the first one to give up. She squealed whenever seeing a cute boy pass by. In addition, she hated Blix for being a competitor of her father’s juice company.

Michael had not made it much longer. He had been lured away by some potato chips left behind ‘accidentally’ by Logan Reese. He was still addicted to those.

Logan had also scred others away by sneezing at them. Last but not least, he had tried to lock Zoey into one of the ambulant toilets during one of the breaks.

But Samantha Puckett had been easily able to pick the lock attached to the toilet door by Logan Reese.

Thus Zoey had been back in time to her spot on the Blix Van.

Now Logan tried a particularly mean trick in order to get Stacey off the van. “Hi, Stacey, leave the van, and I will date you for a whole week!”

Alas, my dialogue with Stacey had warned the cotton swab mistress. She replied, “I won’t date you unless you love my cotton swabs and help me build many a model with them. And you have got to sing a song with me.”

Logan was thoroughly disgusted by Stacey’s conditions, and by cotton swabs, white glue, and her lispy voice. Now he was upset. He bellowed, “The devil must have told you!” Thereupon, he grabbed one of his crutch sticks and slammed it against the window of the Blix Van.

The window was immediately bursting into smithereens.

Likewise, Logan’s dreams of winning the trip with the Blix Heli were smashed into oblivion.

Logan was disqualified for destroying the property of Blix.

Stacey had remained steadfast.

Now everything was down to three of us: Zoey, me, and Stacey.

I was going to fall asleep. Too tired for keeping myself afiit, I slumped flat to the ground.

Zoey bowed over me. “Chase? Are you OK?” She loosened her grip on the van for that avail.

Her dreams of a trip to Milan were now shattered, too.

Fortunately, no helicopter could fly across the ocean without massive support from carrier ships.

Zoey’s dream would have been absurd, anyways.

The winner was thus found.

Stacey Dillsen had made it. She had never won anything before. Now she bounced around cheerfully.

60.3  An invitation to Heaven

Stacey Dillsen had thusly won a trip with the heli of Blix to a place of her choice.

But who was going to join her?

The Chase And Michael Show was going to help her.

It was seen at some other schools in the area of Los Angeles, too.

And there had to be a Stacey fan among those many, right?

Michael started talking. “Hello, thatnks for Lola’s latest skit. But today, we have got a special guest. Her name is Stacey.”

I waved Stacey to the microphone. “The cam is right over there!”

Quinn had provided us with an automatic cam.

It did not always work as believed.

But it was better than our first attempts with a standard webcam.

Stacey smiled. “Hi, all you sweet guys. You may win a heavenly trip to a cotton swab museum with me. My name is Stacey Dillsen. I’m from Swampscott, Massachusetts.”

I whispered Stacey, “hurry up!”

Stacey sighed. She talked a lot about cotton swabs. “And thus I’m looking for a partner to accompany me on the helicopter trip. He should love cotton swab arts and appreciate my lisp. I promise, it will be a heavenly trip, just the two of us and a few wonderful sculptures.”

I grinned.

There had to be a boy out there right in Stacey’s league.

Stacey concluded, “serious requests are to be sent to the splashface site of the Chase-and-Michael Show. But only serious requests, mind you!”

Michael panted heavily.“OK, thanks, Stacey. Yeah, it will be a heavenly trip for tyou …”

His voice remained sarcastical.

The show was over.

Stacey walked away. She wanted to be informed on site. She expected tons of serious replies.

Fortunately, Stacey was already gone.

The first reactions were anything but serious requests by lovers of cotton swab arts.

In addition, there was no museum for cotton swab arts.

But there was one for little sculptures with items of daily usage in general.

This counted for Stacey, I guess.

Jade West appeared on the screen. “Hi, losers! Your show is lame, and so is the cotton swab fairy.”

I coughed. “Why, thanks?”

Jade continued, “but I may help, anyways. I will bring you a suitable partner for the lisping wench. And if I have to chain his hands and feet to get him to you …”

I shrugged. “OK?”

60.4  Between a rock and your mother

Jade kept her promises. The very next day, she came once more visiting our campus. This time, she dragged another middle school kid along. She needed to apply chains and whips in order to perform her duty, just as announced.

I shook hands with Jade.

She grunted, “now I have to wash them before returning downtown.”

I choked.

Jade introduced her slave. “This is Sinjin van Cleef.”

The name was not exctly easy to digest.

Sinjin already looked very freaky and dorky.

He was probably not going to be too bad for Stacey.

Jade grunted, “how did his mother dare to give birth to such a monster?”

I shrugged.

Jade continued, “even a rock would be more sensitive than someone coming up with such a walking abortion.”

I shuddered for disgust.

At the same time, Michael had called Stacey.

Jade wrinkeld her nose. She preferred to stay away from the cotton swab lady.

I told Stacey, “this is Sinjin, a young artist from Hollywood School Of Arts.” I untied Sinjin.

The artist grinned. “I’ve got something here. I’ve bought this collection of toenails off a girl from Caltech. Now I’m going to build a sculpture, using those nails and polyresines of various colour. What do you think about it?”

Exorbitantly excited Stacey grinned with glee.

They were now looking forward to the helicopter trip to aforementioned museum.

60.5  Releasing the sparrow

It was a bright and sunny winter day.

The helicopter of Blix was standing rigged and ready on the campus yard.

Two members of the staff helped Stacey and Sinjin boarding the vehicle.

Its noise was terrible.

And the rotating blades were even standing still.

Logan grunted with excruciating dismay. He insulted Stacey all over the place.

Fortunately, the helicopter made already too much noise.

I waved at Sinjin and Stacey for one last time.

The engines howled.

The helicopter’s bades started rotating.

Finally, the vehicle took off into the clear blue sky, like a sparrow escaped from its cage.

Addie took her guitar and played Volare, Cantare once again.

I sang along and snuggled closely up to Addie.

It had become our favourite song since last year.

Being birds of a feather, Sinjin and Stacey were now really going to find their rainbow, side by side, and away from the sickening crowds of enviars here on earth, just as predicted by great Frank Sinatra.

Many people here beneath the mighty helicopter were not yet that lucky and envied the freshly found couple.

But life had to go on, as above so below.

The helicopter was now just a little spot up in the sky.

We had to return to our classes.

My works on the play about perfect sibling love were now over.

I started ne wproject about the life of Stacey and Sinjin.

It was going to be a lot of fun.

Chapter 61  The Most Beautiful Girl

61.1  Eyes within the Heart

Zoey had been at the guidance counsellor’s. She moaned about all the work for college applications.

Lola was better off. She was now firmly up to dropping out of school when turning eighteen and become a full-time Hollywood star, maybe interrupted by baby breaks. She wanted to have at least two kids, a boy and a girl, with Drake, as soon as possible.

Logan, on the other hand, wanted to become a male supermodel. He would have dropped out on site for that.

But his dad was going to pay him after the age of eighteen only in the case of visiting a decent college.

Unfortunately, all his money was not necessatrily buying him into a respected college.

Thus Logan needed to do something in order to impress college admission offices. And he chose to base it on his one and only real gift, viz. womanising. More precisely, Logan was now up to organising a beauty pageant, right here on the camous of Pacific Coast Academy.

Zoey protested. “Beauty pageants are so sexist!”

Logan boasted, “no, I am the sexiest!”

Zoey gave it up.

Addie decided not to run for the title of a Miss PCA.

And that was good so.

No matter what, I was always going to behold Addie with the eyes of my heart, as opposed to Logan’s exorbitantly greedy and horny eyes of the flesh.

But other girls saw that differently.

This was particularly true upon the revelation of the winner’s award:

The successful girl was going to be pictured on the cover of the next Buzz, a journal popular among Californian teenage girls, if not throughout the whole nation.

Lola was excessively hell-bent one being seen by as many teenagers as possible. This increased her chances of a successful career as a Hollywood star.

The Buzz was the only thing read regularly by Lola.

And maybe she didn’t even read it. More likelty than not she just glared at the pictures of all the hotb boys.

Unfortunately, Zoey was now interested , too.

The picture on the cover of the Buzz was also going to be seen by Katie Peckerman, a girl from Zoey’s former middle school times.

And Zoey had always wanted to sock it to Katie.

This was her best occasion since the start of her time at Pacific Coast Academy.

Zoey Brooks was of course going to design the gowns for the beauty contest, both for herself and her best friend Lola Martinez.

61.2  Rough hands

Of course, Zoey and Lola were not going to be the only girls competing for the well-renowned title Miss PCA.

Samantha Puckett wanted to participate, too. As aforementioned, she had almost been Seattle’s beauty queen, like, five years ago. Then she was excluded for seven years because of her closest competitor’s accident.

But this prohibition was not valid for a private beauty contest outside the state of Washington.

Sam shook her booties. She wanted to make it. “Fredwarf Benson will die for envy upon seeing me on the cover of the Buzz!”

This was her greatest motivation.

But did she really hate him so much amd try to make him wither away for envy?

Unfortunately, Samantha’s skin, and especially her hands, were not as smooth as those of most other participants, especially those of Lola Martinez or Shelby Marx.

But she saw sort of a solution in order to improve the smoothness.

According to Quinn Pensky, the slime secreted by some tropic fish in a certain bay in the Caribbean seas was going to be a great help here.1 It was dissolving withered human skin, making the remaining skin smooth.

Quinn was selling the slime of those exotic fish.

But it wasn’t exactly cheap.

Her new boyfriend, multiply aforementioned Cal, had to jump through burning hoops in order to purchse those beasts from the institute for tropical marine biology.

Unfortunately, Samantha had to borrow some bucks from her friend Carly in order to be able to afford the slime. But she deemed it worth every dime.

Trina Vega had listened our conversation. She was now probably hell bent on participating as well. Was she also up to using the slime of the Caribbean fish?

It looked a lot this way.

Unlike most other girls, Sam did not have to worry much about the talent part of the show. She was about the most dextrous person on the whole campus. She could pick locks with a piece of curved wire, as recently demonstrated at the Blix van. She could even type with her toes.

Samantha’s major potential stumbling block were the questions and answers.

This was clearly Zoey’s dominion.

Samantha had got a hard time even thinking about hunger in the world.

Her stomach always roared like a cannon.

I made her a few cheat sheets.

Samantha wondered, “but cheating is bad, isn’t it?”

I nopdded. “except cheating on Logan.”

We giggled mercilessly.

I added, “of course, you should read them before the contest. This gives you more safety.”

Sam sighed deeply.

61.3  Foreign serenade

Ashley’s skin was not suffering from roughness.

Alas, Ashley needed me, as usual, in order to write a play for her talent performance. She had been a bit disappointed about her third place in the talent shop, just a few weeks ago.

Now I had to put more efforts into it.

Ashley told me, “Jett Stetson might read the Buzz. I have to improve him beyond any measure, forcing him to give up on Jo Taylor and choose me instead.”

Well, said Jett Stetson was certainly going to read that journal.

I asked Ashley, “you’ve already done a lot of acting. Would you like to sing something? I mean, the more versatile and multifaceted your talent, the greater are your chances at Hollywood after your childhood career.”

She gasped. “You try to avoid work?”

I shook my head. “I’ll make the script and the stage description. But your good friend Wendy will make the sound.”

Ashley beamed. “Very good! But I want to sing in a foreign language.”

I scratched my head. “Spanish? French?”

Ashley thoughta bit. “How about Italian?”

I shrugged. “That’s OK!”

So this point was settled.

But Ashley was also concerned about her outfit.

Zoey made a gown for herself and for Lola.

Ashley thus felt disadvantaged.

I sighed. “Jerry <Crony is a fashion designer, too.”

Ashley had used to look down on Crony for his unmanly hobby. Or she just ignored him in the frame of her uysual arrogance. But now she beamed. “Cool! But it must be competitive.”

I nodded solemnly. “Crny may be less well known. But even Zoey praises his style a lot.”

Ashley sighed. She knew about the importance of her performance in order to conquer Jett.

61.4  Fallen haze

The contest was finally here.

But there was a significant change of the rules.

Originally, Logan Reese had planned on being the only judge.

This would have allowed him to hit mercilessly on the girls.

Alas, Dean Ruckner had imposed a severe condition upon the contest.

The majority of the judges had to be women.

And Ruckner chose Coco Wexler and his secretary Beverly for that responsible office.

Logan was consternated and ran away screaming.

Many girls were disappointed, too. They had bought expensive silicon-padded bras, just for the pageant.

The questions and answers constituted the beginning of the contest.

Beverly asked Lola, “what are your thoughts about the global warm-up?”

Lola beamed, “it’s great! We could run around in fishnet bikini all day long, and all night long, even up in Canada.”

This answer did not exactly please the remaining judges.

Sam claimed, “come on, fighting hunger in the world is much more important!”

Many pupils applauded for her.

Ashley answered, “it is the result of the socioeconomical disparity between the industrialised and the industrialising countries.”

Trina’s skin appeared particularly smooth. “If all the water is gone, we may still drink root beer.”

Zoey gave the smartest answers to all the questions and answers.

Nicole’s answer was totally … embarrassing.

Same was valid for Patricia Perez, Dana Cruz, and Maris Bingham.

They would have been the obvious favourites for Logan Reese.

Now it was time for the presentation of the gowns.

Trina’s skin really sparkled.

She blinded the judges all over.

Coco asked her, “what is your secret for your skin?”

Trina grinned. “Tropical fish. They eat the withered human skin.”

All of a sudden, Trina felt cramping form the inside.

Dr, Glazer had to show up and examine the wannabe beauty queen.

Trina squealed and screamed like a fury.

Dr. Glazer concluded, “those cramps are caused by the viscous secretes of the pooka pooka fish from one tropical bay.”

Sam gasped. She had not been feeling anything. But was she also going to sudffer from all sorts of diseases, just as Trina?

In any case, the busty Latina was now almost out of the contest.

Her beauty had not suffered at all, quite thecontrary,

But Trina’s head started hurting too, making it impossible for her to concentrate on the upcoming performance of her talent.

She had been up to copycatting Ashley’s performance at the recent talent shop, anyways.

Sam was still feeling perfectly well in her skin. Sje impressed everyone with her presentation of a cheap but natural outfit.

Later, Quinn was going to give me an explanation.

Samantha Puckett had been treated with some prepared slime.

The raw slime contained all sorts of poisons affecting the circuit of your blood and leading to other side effects for health.

But treated with some rare bacteria, this potential for side effects disappeared.

Even in front of a female committee, Zoey showed remorses concerning her participation in the contest.

And according to Dustin, Katie Peckerman wasn’t that bad, anyways.

Thus Zoey sighed deeply. She was now almost out of the contest, her good performance in the question-and-answer part notwithstanding.

Ashley entered the stage with a breathtaking gown designed by Jerome Crony.

Leaving Zoey acknowledged her rivalling designer’s work without envy. She applauded.

Of course, Ashley’s arrogance costed her a few points.

But she was still able to make up for it with a perfect demonstration of her talents.

Sam was the first to perform. She made her toes circle. Then she used them in order to type an SMS, displayed on a screen.

One … two …
Sam is out for you.
Three … four …
Fredward, jam your door!
Five … six …
Defend yourself with sticks.
Seven … eight …
Stay up all night!
Nine … ten …
You’d never wake up again!
2

The campus almost burst for applause.

Ashley climbed the stage and started singing my Serenata3.

It was a song to be sung in front of your sweetheart’s window at midnight and full moon.

The hearts of many onlookers started melting away.

Wendy’s tune had successfully flushed Ashley’s arrogance down the drain.

So … who was going to win the pageant?

61.5  Transcendent joy

Coco and Beverly had retreated in order to discuss the outcome. But now they returned to the participants and the onlookers.

The suspense increased rigorously.

Dean Ruckner was going to announce the decision of the judges. For that avail, he was handed an envelope. He started talking. “Thank you for participating in this contest. There have been many efforts by almost all of the participants. It was not easy for our honourable judges, Beverly and Coco, to select a winner.” He started fumbling nervously with the envelope.

It was finally open.

The participants were panting like a rusty steamer.

Even Dean Ruckner sweated. “So … the winner is … well, there’s a draw!”

The audience and the participants started moaning.

The headmaster continued, “the winners are Samantha Puckett”

Sam bounced around, roaring, “take this, Fredqward! Sam is the winner!”

Dean Ruckner continued, “and Ashley Blake!”

Ashley grinned silently and waved around.

Her joy was not of this world.

Many onlookers were consternated.

Dean Ruckner commanded, “OK, Samanatha, Ashley, you may now hug each other!”

The girls were flabbergasted. But they forced each other into a superficial hug.

Flashlights illuminated the campus at dusk.

These were already the official photographs for the next volume of the Buzz.

How was Fredward Benson going to react to Sam’s provocation?

Was Jett Stetson now paying attention to Ashley Blake?

Time was going to tell.

1
cf. Victorious : Cat’s New Boyfriend
2
spoof off a similar rhyme of unknown source about Freddie Krueger
3
song by Toto Cutugno which I don’t own

Chapter 62  Doheny At PCA

62.1  Miraculous discovery

I was stuck in our foyer and watching the Henry Doheny Show on our plasma screen.

Michael was very excited.

A year ago, Doheny’s career had appeared dead, after several decades of successful variety tricks such as making elephants disappear on the middle of a stage.

And then he had been reported to have died in a variety trick.

Two ‘boobs’, let’s call them ‘Drake and Josh’, had perforated his body with several huge swords.

The medics had given him up on site.

Three days thence, at Doheny’s scheduled funeral, he appeared like magically in front of the mourning community, alive and well.

He was immediately awarded with a new show of his own.

And we were now watching an episode thereof.

His greatest speciality were escapist tricks.

He used to get himself tied up and stuck into a barrel hanging over a flaming pit. And then he escaped a fiery death before the end of time.

Michael had tried to perform a few tricks already. But now he was really daring. “I may put up with Doheny any time.”

I did not exactly want to believe him. “Michael?”

His eyes gleamed. “My grandmother has watched Doheny already decades ago with joy. She will be proud of me.”

I shook my head. “You don’t want to float in a barrel above a lake of ravaging flames, will you?”

Michael did not appear to listen to me. He grinned ecstatically. Then he saw Mark del Figgalo behind us. “Hi Mark, could you please die my hands behind my back>”

Mark nodded silentnly. He grabbed some loose rope and tried to tie Michael firmly. But Mark didn’t know any decent knots.

Thus Michael had no difficulty in freeing himself.

We needed a better knotmaker.

But where to find one?

Stacey walked in. She smiled. “Thanks for the song, Chase!”

I smiled. “Nonn problem, Stacey!”

She waved and walked on.

Michael asked, “what song?”

I moaned, “I wrote a little poem for Stacey and her boyfriend Sinjin to sing. You wrote the tune.”

Michael rubbed his head. He had already forgotten about that. “Aw, that song, something with tea …”

I nodded solemnly. “It’s about Stacey’s favourite drink, sassafras tea.”

Michael looked at me. “Why does it have to be a word with so many hisses? Her lisp makes this sound horrible.”

I shrugged. “She likes it.”

Michael sighed deeply.

62.2  Catastrophe in the making

Dustin had found someone. He visited us, along with Megan and Wendy.

Michael shrugged. “So, who will tie me better than Mark del Figgalo?”

A man around fifty walked in.

Dustin introduced him. “This is our teacher for geography. His name is Kenneth Billiam.”

Michael moaned, “aw Billy M.”

The teacher shook his head. “Billiam, not Billy M.”

Wendy grinned. “Like William, but with a B.”

Michael shrieked. “A bee? Aw my gosh! I’m allergic to bee stings! Where’s my mosquito killer?”

Megan laughed her butt off. “Aw Michael. There is no bee in this room.”

Michael sighed for relief.

Billiam explained, quotbesides teaching those kids in geography, I am also the president of the Californian kid scout movement. Thus I master many a knot.

Megan remarked, “my step-boob bob was also a scout, once upon a time. He also makes many tight knots.”

Mr. Billiam remarked, “not as firm as mine.” He showed us a few knots. “The tower knot … the worm knot … the tree knot … the triple knot … the tooth knot …”

It wasn’t easy for us to follow.

Michael’s head was already spinning like a merry-go-round, but less merry, and more round instead. He was not exactly looking forward to getting tied by Billiam. But he could not back out that easily. He would have become the laughingstock of the Pacific Coast Academy.

Mr. Billiam showed us some hundreds of knots within a few minutes.

But Megan didn’t withdraw from her statement. She grinned. “you want to bet?”

Mr. Billiam accepted the bet.

Megan also remarked, “also, I’ve called Henry Doheny on the phone. He will come hereto in a few days. Maybe you can try to tie him better. You won’t really achieve that, but …”

Billiam was confident. “Not even Doheny may untie my knots! Nobody may!”

Megan shrugged. “Want to bet again?”

Billiam nodded solemnly.

So, what were the stakes?

Megan scratched her chin. “A field trip to Mount Gloom?”

Billiam sighed. “OK, if you win. we’ll make a field trip there. Ortherwise it’s twice as much homework for you for the rest of the year.”

Megan nodded solemnly.

62.3  His pain was like a desert

Kenneth Billiam had tied Michael Barret to a bench in the school park.

Michael was sitting there, trying to untie his knots. He had originally imagined that to be easy. But now he had lost all hope. He was hungry.

I tried to feed him a hot dog.

But this was incredibly cumbersome.

Michael repeatedly squealed for painn. He had already rubbed his wrists sore in his attempts of liberating himself. Now he alsoi needed to go to the toilets.

I could not remove the garden bench.

Micxhael was apparently not able to go to teh toilets.

Thus the toilets had to come to him.

I spotted a bucket, some hundred yards across the campus. I walked away in order to fetch it. Retuerning with the emergency toilet, I noticed Michael squeal for agony.

He was no longer alone.

Stacey Dillsen and Sinjin van Cleef stood next to him, singing the aforementioned song.

Inspite of having written the tune, Michael went through hell while having to listen to it.

I tried to talk Stacey and Sinjin into leaving.

But they didn’t take the hint.

Sinjin and Stacey offered to help Michael use the emergency toilet.

Stacey suggested, “I will open the zipper of his pants, while you place the bucket exactly …”

Sinjin nodded solemnly.

Michael screamed for excessive pain and dismay.

And now it was too late.

A wet area adorned his pants, right between his legs.

Michael was even more annoyed.

Kenny Billiam walked past the bench. “Aw, hi!”

Michael begged Billiam to release him from the knots.

Kenny Billiam nodded solemnly. “But first you will admit to me being the greatest knotmaker, ever!”

Michael sighed deeply. “OK, you are that.”

Kenny wanted Michael to say it in a long sentence.

It took Michael several minutes to repeat the teacher’s words.

Mr. Billiam nodded. “OK, thanks!” Then he whistled innocently and walked away, leaving Michael tied to the bench, just as before.

Michael was even more desperate than before.

I noticed a few drops of blood staining the ties around his wrists.

Wendy joined us. She was equally desperate.

Then I sent Wendy to wake up Shelby and Sam.

Either Sam was able to fumble the knots open like a lock.

Or Shelby was strong enough to tear the knotted ropes apart.

These were my last hopes.

It was already terribly dark and cool.

Michael started freezing.

My vicinity warmed him up.

Finally, Wendy returned with Shelby and Sam by her side.

Unable to see the knots, the strong girls had to try several things.

But, in the end, the knots fell apart like the renowned knot of Gordo, cut asunder by Alexander the great.

Michael sighed for relief.

But Kenneth Billiam had to pay for this.

I so hoped for Megan to win her bet and humiliate the pervert in front of the whole school.

62.4  Passing warrior

Henry Doheny was finally on the campus. He had once been here before our time. But he couldn’t remember anyone form back then.

Many things had changed.

The pupils all cheered for the maestro of illusionary magics.

Josh Nichols had come, too. He had been consternated by the high stakes. “How could you do this, Megan?”

The little vixen whistled innocently. “Because your the best. And I know that.” She hugged him unusually tightly.

Josh ruffled Megan’s hair. “It’s OK. I’m not going to disappoint you.”

The task for Josh and Billiam was the following:

They had to knot a net from strings. The one with the more stable net was going to win.

Principal Ruckner convinced himself of the equal quality of the strings.

The race was on.

Beverly took time.

Both of them had got ten minutes to tie the net.

The time went by fast.

Now Ruckner was going to test the stability of the net. He called Coco.

The girls’ dorm adviser stood in Josh’s net.

A windlass was going to be used in order to lift Coco for three yards.

Coco twitched and shivered.

But the net withstood any strain.

Coco returned safely to the ground.

Now they repeated the same thing with the net tied by Kenny Billiam.

The windlass was spinning again.

Coco was lifted up again.

But after two yards, the net fell apart.

Fortunately, Shelby stood nearby and was able to catch falling Coco Wexler safely in her strong arms.

The pupils applauded fanatically.

Josh twitched for disbelief.

But his beloved Maria Hughes grabbed him and pulled him into a super-close hug. “I knew it! You are simply the best!”

Josh sighed. “But you rock, too, sweetie.”

The audience gasped for awe upon watching the affectionate couple.

Megan grinned. She had one her first bet. Had she cheated, using her own or Matthew Palmer Noid’s parapsychological powers?

Nobody was ever going to know.

Kenny Billiam grunted noisily.

But there was still one bet left.

Kenny Billiam was going to tie Henry Doheny.

Doheny was still confident.

But Billiam’s knots spoke a different language.

Doheny cringed for despair. Not even in ten minutes was he able to free himself.

Megan needed to find someone else.

Michael had learned his excessively painful lesson.

So only one person was left to face Billiam’s knots:

Samantha Puckett grinned. “Tie me up!”

Kenny almost refusted to tie a girl. But he would have lost the bet this way. He tried hard to tie Sam as firmly as possible.

But after three seconds, Sam had shaken off her shackles. She grinned manically and bounced . “Sam is the winner! Sam is the winner! Take that, Billiam!”

Mr. Billiam had thusly lost his bet to Megan Parker. But instead of keeping his promises, the embarrassed teacher for geography shook his booties and ran away to be never seen again.

62.5  In the shadow of Mount Gloom

Dean Ruckner now needed to look for a new teacher for geography.

Fortunately, deputy Dean Pal was a qualified teacher for this subject. He was going to teach geography to our middle school classes. just as in the good old times at James K. Polk.

So Mr. Pal was undertaking the field trip to Mount Gloom with the middle school kids, anyways.

Megan, Wendy, and Dustin wanted me, Addie, and Michael to join in.

We were renowned for our campfire music.

Mount Gloom was an extinguished volcano not too far from Los Angeles.

The kids had been taught recently about volcanoes. Thus they had suggested the field trip in the first place.

We did not have to fear an eruption.

But maybe we should not provocate the sleeping spirit in the belly of the fiery mountain?

Sorry, the events of Redstone Gulch had turned me a bit weird.

Principal Pal told us a lot about the rôle of volcanoes in history.

And finally, we settled for a little campfire.

I took my guitar.

Addie Singer joined me in.

We started a campfire song.

100 bottles of Blix on the wall
100 bottles of Blix
Take one down
Pass it around.
Aw!
99 bottles of Blix on the wall.
99 bottles of Blix.

The kids sang along with glee.

And on and on and on it went.

Finally, the last bottle of Blix was gone.

But we still had a lot of fun.

I swore to return to the shadows of Mount Gloom, one day, in order to write an important play.

Whatever that play was?

I could not yet tell.

But it was going to be great, shaking the world of Broadway like an erupting volcano.

Chapter 63  Visitors’ Day

63.1  Across the worlds

Once again, it was visitors’ day at the Pacific Coast Academy.

Kids from all over the world were invited to enjoy the advantages of this wonderful school for one day.

This included a guide across the whole campus, including the classrooms, the gyms, the libraries, the dormitory halls, and so on, followed by a few speeches by Dean Ruckner, and by a segment involving questions of the interested kids to be answered by a few selected students.

Traditionally, we juniors were supposed to answer the postulants’ questions.

I was already totally excited.

The visitors had been divided in sekveral groups.

There were a few hundreds of them.

I was assigned to a visitors’ class, along with Zoey Brooks and Stacey Dillsen.

The latter had been looking forward to it in particular. She had even prepared a few cheat sheets in order to answer the flood of visitors’s questions to be expected.

I had been waiting in particular for two interested pupils.

One of them was Jett Stetson.

I had invited him personally to this event in order to present him a play written particularly for him.

Of course, the real purpose of that drama was that of getting Jett to hook up with Ashley Blake.

And getting Jett to join the Pacifif Coast Academy was making life easier for the future dream couple of Hollywood, next to equally cute couple Drake Parker and Lola Martinez, of course.

But I had to be extremely careful.

Ashley was not exactly someone to forgive mistakes easily.

The other postulant expected by me with excitement was Carlotta Shay.

As aforementioned, Dustin had heard so many great things about her. He was now head over heals in a girl he had hitherto only been able to dream of.

Likewise, I better not messed up this one, either.

Dustin would have been turning infinitely sad and crumpy, and thence taken out his bad mood on everyone, especially on Zoey.

But thwere was also at least one non-pupil to be introduced to this campus.

Benjamin Singer had of course been here already for a few times. But he would not have considered sharing a campus with his enervating little sister. But he was now studying at a college not far from here.

And we desperately needed a new coffe cart owner.

Ben was most appropriate for this position, given his experiences as a juice bar waiter. And he could use a few extra bucks for his college.

Maybe the new female pupils were going to provoke Ben’s curiosity and make him accept an offer for running the coffee cart?

63.2  Beyond the horizon

I hoped both Carly and Jett to be in my class.

That made my task easier.

On the other hand, there was now nobody else left to blame my potential failure on.

For many of the visiting kids, the boarding school was a new world, hitherto hidden outsid their horizon.

One kid stood up in orsder to ask as question. “Hey, bushy head, …” He was obviously talking to me. “My name id Fredward Benson, and I’m from Seattle, Washington. I’m interested in media technology. Is there a chance of practising this hobby at the Pacific Coast Academy?” So, this was Samantha Puckett’s dedicated archenemy.

I turned slightly nervous. “Well, yeah, sure, we got have class projects involving media projects.” I told him about the Jet-X commercials. “We’ve also got a TV team on our campus, under the guidance of Jeremiah Trottman. Likewise, there are a few web shows run by kids of this school. For example, I make one of these with my friend Michael. But we are not really versed in technology stuff and could need some help.”

Freddie started beaming for glee. He appeared very interested in web show technology,

I also mentioned the general vicinity of Hollywood and the chance of internships at their studio. “Does this answer your question?”

Freddie nodded solemnly. “May I see your web show equipment?”

I accepted the request. “Certainly, after classes, of course.”

Now a girl sitting next to Freddie stood up. “Hello, my name is Carly Shay. I’m from the same place as my neighbour Freddie.”

My heart stopped beating.

Carly continued, “I have got some question fr the pretty blonde.” She meant, of course, Zoey. “The school is no coeducative. But do the boys here always act like jerks around the girls, or are their also some smart and sensitive boys?”

Zoey panted. “OK, Carly, there are, unfortunately, quite a few jerks.” She told Carly stories about Logan Reese, Glen Daviues, the otherwise unknown Danny, and Lance Rivers. “But some of the boys here, such as my little brother, have learnt to treat girls with necessary respect and value them for their inner values instead of their ‘hotness’.”

Carly smiled with glee. “Thanks, that answers my question well.”

Fredward appeared to react with some sort of jealousy.

Zoey had done her job totally well.

A slightly obese middle school kid jumped suddenly onto the table. He roared, “may we walk around shirtless on the campus?”

I answered, “outside the classes, sure …”

He tore his shirt off his torso and flang it right into Stacey’s face.

Carly coughed. “What are you doing, Gibby?”

Said Gibby stomped his feet, roaring “I’m awesome!”

I removed the smelly shirt from poor Stacey’s face.

Then a hot teenage boy stood up. He asked, “I’m Jett Stetson. Some of you may have seen me acting in commercials and short movies. I’m currently studying at Palmwood’s. But are there any reasons for an upcoming actor to study at the Pacific Coast Academy instead?” He glared at me.

I shivered all over. But I answered, “certainly, we have got a better general education, so you will find here better future songwriters, playwrights, and managers …”

Jett smiled. “Yeah, that is a good argument! I am missing competent ones completely at Palmwood’s.” He sat down.

There was time left for one last question.

Sinjin van Cleef stood up and introduced himself. Then he asked Stacey, “will you come with me to a candle light supper over at your Japanese bar?”

Stacey squealed gleefully, “I will! Any time!” She bounced merrily around.

63.3  Based on a dream

After the classes, Carly and Freddie had followed me into my dormitory rooms.

I introduced the visiting kids.

Michael moaned, “I’ve been with a pack of buggers. There were four kids from Minnesota in my classes. They wanted to know about our hockey team. I only know about Samantha Puckett. But that was enough. They are now hell bent on joining us either next term or after the summer break.”

Freddie twitched upon hearing the name of his archenemy.

I shrugged. “Probably Carlos Garcia, Kendall Knight, James Diamond, and Logan Mitchell.”

Michael smiled. “yeah, you know them?”

I shrugged. “just rumours. Sam had beaten their teams up at last year’s nationals.”

Michael started to remember that event as well.

Freddie was increasingly uncomfortable. He could not stand all the talk about Sam.

But his curiosity concerning our technological equipment was stronger.

Freddie told us, “OK, your equipment needs some upgrade, and someone to operate it.”

We sighed deeply.

There hadn’t been a competent soul since the departure of Quinn, Wayne, and Mindy.

Freddie grinned. “I’ll try to fix it for the time being. Now I just need to talk my mom into letting me go. Won’t be too easy.”

We knew his mom and believed him.

Carly wondered about the content of the show.

“It lives essentially of Lola’s skits. As moderators, we suck.”

Freddie’s eyes started glowing for horny desire. “Lola Martinez is at this school?”

I nodded. “But she’s already totally into Drake Parker.”

Carly tried to avoid mentioning being Drake’s cusin.

I continued, “her younger and alike-looking sister Shelby is still single, though.”

Freddie’s brain was flooded by a tsumani of testosterone washing his clear mind away. He started stammering strangely.

Now there was nothing to stop Freddie from even killing his mother in order to get her permit to join the Pacific Coast Academy.

Carly admitted, “I’d really love moderating a web show. I like talking to many people at the same time.”

We smiled. “That would be great!”

Carly beamed.

Some fundamental changes were going to hit our show.

63.4  One spring’s eve

Michael was still occupied with Carly and Freddie.

I had to see Jett in the drama club. Together with Lola and Nicole, I was showing the interested kids around there.

Jett was impressed by the costme storage.

Nicole talked abouyt all the cute masks.

Some kids just had to try and play around with them.

Jett was curious about my play to audition for.

It was a remake of aforementioned play involving a kiss at a spring’s eve, thence title One Spring’s Eve.

Jett looked at the script. He overread his text. “OK, but whom would I have to kiss?”

I grinned. “There you are, may I introduce your partner, … Ashley Blake!”

The little diva strutted proudly into the room.

Lola was leading the rest of the kids away, leaving me with Ashley and Jett.

Jett still wasn’t feeling well i this situation.

I reminded him, “You’re a professional. You can’t have problems.”

They started practising the scene, ending with a passionate kiss.

The memories of Dustin sharing his chicken pox with Ashley seized my brain for a moment.

But this was much cuter.

Ashley twinkled at me.

I concluded, “OK, the two of you need to practise again during the next days.”

Jett started enjoying this scene. “OK, I like this drama club.” He smiled gleefully.

Lola called us again.

We were now ready to leave the club’s rooms.

Ashley smiled and stuck both thumbs up.

63.5  Found in reality

Benjamin Singer had enjoyed his day here. “Lots of hot and smart chicks. I’ve always thought all girls here to be so much like Addie, totally icky and dumb.”

I glared aghast at Ben.

Benjamon sighed. “Oops sorry! Why is it so hard to admit how much I miss her?” He sobbed badly.

I had not known that. “You do?”

Ben nodded sadly.

Nicole walked along.

I introduced her to Ben.

Alas, I didn’t have to.

Ben squealed. “Nicole!”

The bimbo wench was a bit dumbfounded.

I wondered, “you know her well?”

Ben sighed. “the Juice used smoothie blenders produced by Nicole’s dad, Mr. Bristow.”

Nicole smiled. “Yeah, our juices rock. I like apple-mango most.”

Nicole’s picture used to adorn much of the equipment distributed by Bristow Juices.

That juice factory was also the upstream provider of Ben’s pub Juice.

Thus Ben had seen Nicole’s pic thousands of times already. He was now totally excited about meeting the real Nicole. He insisted in selling Bristow’s juices also here on the campus.

He and his manager Mike had always speculated about the extremely cutely smiling girl on those pictures.

This was certainly going to be possible.

Ben and Nicole had to negotiate about the details. But they seemed to get along well, but rather in a sibling-like manner.

Addie came along. She had observed us from afar, using Stacey’s telescope.

I told her about the events.

Addie gasped. “He missed me, too?”

I nodded solemnly.

Then we walked together into Ben’s and Nicole’s direction.

They had just agreed on a contract of three years between Bristow Juices and Ben’s coffee cart.

Addie walked silently up to Ben.

Nicole squealed, “cuddle!”

Random onlookers chimed in.

Ben just couldn’t help but huggle his younger sister closely, for the first time in over ten years.

The sibling reunion was finally celebrated with a free soothie for everyone.

Shirtless Gibby darted past us.

Addie gasped, “who was that?”

Nicole commented, “not vute!”

I shrugged. “Not sure, he’s a bit weird, but certainly harmless.”

Gibby would certainly have been an interesting addition to the mass of pupils at Pacific Coast Academy.

But we had to wait for the next term in order to see all these potential changes become reality.

Chapter 64  London Calling

64.1  They’re calling her home

Zoey had been called into the admin office during biology lessons.

This made me excited.

She had certainly not done anything wrong.

Now I returned to my dorm.

Mark del Figgalo was already waiting. He yawned.

I wondered, “a boring day?”

Alas, Mark was always boring. But now he replied, “hey! Zoey is going to leave us.”

I was consternated. “What? Their parents call her home?”

Mark shrugged. “If London is her parents’ home, yes.”

I was over Zoey and had found a perfect girlfirend, ever since.

But the Pacific Coast Academywould have become a totally different school without her.

It was hard to imagine the dull times before the admission of girls to the school.

And London was across the ocean.

There were probably places in the USA or Canada with the sme name.

But this was just a vague hope.

Michael bounded in.

I yelled at him, “have you heard about Zoey …”

Michael nodded solemnly. “Very sad. Her dad hads got a new job, or, more precisely, the same job but in a new place, his company, freshly opened branch in London. He will have to stay there for several years, way beond Zoey’s graduation, maybe even Dustin’s. But she hasn’t got anything to keep her here. Unless very serious problems occur … But even Quinn told her about the advantages of a diploma from a traditional international boarding school, such as Covington’s.”

Quinn wasn’t around.

Zoey must have already called her on the phone.

Or they had talked about it much earluer, at whatever occasion.

I sighed deeply.

Zoey had already talked to Lola about it.

64.2  Off the map

I met Dustin in the lounge.

Was he going to return to Englad, too?

I asked him.

Dustin sighed. “I don’t like the weather in England. All that gales and rain and mists … I love sunshine. And maybe Carly …”

“Maybe?” I scratched my head.

He had given me the impression of being head over heels into Megan Parker’s cousin, Spencer Shay’s little sister, and Samantha Puckett’s best friend.

And I totally understood his feelings.

Dustin moaned. “She might not like me back. She’s certainly into tall and hot rakes, such as James Garrett.”

James made many a girl swoon.

There was no doubt about that.

Dustin also sighed, “English food is so icky, too.” He shuddered for disgust.

I ruffled Dustin’s hair. “Would you miss Zoey?”

Dustin sobbed. He rested his head on my lap and started weeping piteously.

Aw my gosh!

And it was not just Zoey.

Dustin had been at this school for over five years, just as me. But he had started at a much younger age.

Most kids here joining before the age of ten missed their parents a lot.

Dustin was no exception, inspite of trying to distract us older kids with his extreme coolness trip.

Fortunately, his parents had hitherto been just a phone call away. They were now going to move off the map.

According to Quinn, there was a time shift odf eight hours between Los Angeles and London.

Our rush hours coincided with bed time in England.

I tried hard to calculate a window for a phone call.

During the days of the week, I found it almost impossible.

During weekends, it was a lot easier.

I imagined Zoey in a conflict.

She may have had to decide on whether to stay in her room on Saturday afternoon in order to videochat with Dustin, or to go out with her friends. Zoey was one to make new friends with ease.

Having to wait for a video chart with her younger brother would have made her uncool in the eyes of her snobish English friends.

And Covington’s was a very aristocratic school.

Dustin’s mom ws certainly not going to worry about her coolness as much as Zoey. On the other hand, she was probably not as comfortable with skype and web chat as kids of our generation.

My dad and my mom certainly weren’t.

Dustin was still weeping. But he declared, “don’t tell Zoey about it.”

I wondered why.

Dustin explained, “she’d possibly turn around. And I don’t want to be the one nto have spoiled her career. London is a cool place for a fashion designer.”

I had not thought about it.

Dustin was right. And he definitely loved Zoey too much to be a burden for her career, be it at a business school or as a fashion creator.

But this was really cruel.

Finally, Dustin’s glands had run dry.

So he stopped weeping. But he still looked as miserable as can be.

64.3  Farewell

1

A plane was standing rigged and ready in the international airport of Los Angeles. In less than half a day, it was going to take off the ground and fly away to ‘Good old’ England. It was about trading Malibu’s endless sunshine for a sky full of clouds and rain.

Zoey Brooks was going to be aboard the jet in just a few hours. She was hardly going easy on herself. She slouched away with tears in her eyes.

And her heart was certainly drowning in tears, as well, tears not visible but powerful beyond reason.

Lola had had to promnise Zoey to keep extremely good care of Dustin. But she was just an emergency factotum. She was responsible for the flowers planted by Zoey, for themail still to be sent to Zoey by those unaware of Zoey’s transfer, for Zoey’s scooter, and for so many other things. But was Lola really somebody to be relied on?

I would not have trusted my little brother to Lola. I remembered painfully the night of last middle school talent shop.

Certainly, Lola loved Dustin like her own little sisters Shelby and Viviana. But she also loved babies and toddlers.

And this did not prevent her from messing up completely with taking care of Mr. Bender’s little kid for even one evening.

Drake had accelerated Lola’s irresponsibility.

Thinking of the two of them wanting to have babies on their own in maybe as little as two years from there, multiple cold, grisly showers rushed down my spine.

I almost had to throw up.

But this was not my business.

I would have spoken up at their wedding, but not now.

But how could Zoey, her proverbial overprotectivity notwithstanding, leave Dustin in the hands of Lola Martinenz?

Sorry, this was too much for my taste.

Dustin appeared all cool.

But my conversation with him had demonstrated the contrary.

Should I have followed Zoey and her parents to the airport?

To what extent would that have changed the situation?

I would certainly have made a fool of myself.

Addie understood that. She had made a fool of herself for much less, more than once upon a time.

Mr. Brooks started his car.

Was it really his car? It could not board the plane.

So much was for sure.

But Dr. Glazer, the twin brother of Zoey’s dad, was now made a guardian for Dustin. He was also going to pick up the car from the airport afterwards.

I did not really trust him, either.

The car’s engines howled.

The vehicle started moving.

Its noise was now decreasing.

The car was about vanishing from sighed, too.

An era had come to an end.

64.4  Lost soul

Life at Pacific Coast Academy without Zoey was no longer the same.

Addie missed her a lot, too. She explained me why. “You and Michael have fought hard in order to get the responsibles, especially that Mr. Bradford, to make the school go coeducating.”

I nodded solemnly.

Our memories of the struggle were still somewhat painful.

Addie continued, “but Zoey was the one to fight hard for equal rights for girls here.”

I had told Addie a lot about those times.

Addie sighed. “You remember the whole fuss about your basketball team?”

I still saw me attacking Logan for being such an exctruciating jerk, and being sent into the dirt for doing so.

What would the Pacific Coast Academy have turned into without Zoey?

Addie could answer that question.

It would have turned into a school controlled by machos like Logan Reese, Glen Davis, and Lance Rivers, treating girls like dirt, with the sole purpose of comforting the alpha boys during their hard times.

Nobody but Zoey Brooks would have dared to initiate a fight against this threat.

Nicole Bristow had only got eyes for cute boys.

Logan was cute.

Thus Nicole would have even supported him without understanding the implications for girls as a whole. “Logan is cute. Thus he must be right.”

Dana Cruz had not been up to participating in the basketball team from the get on. She had totally been content with classical rôles as assigned by Logan:

Boys were there in order to conquer vivctories.

The girls could cheer insanely for them in their victory and be there for them in their critical and bad times.

Quinn would have just withdrawn herself into her secret lab.

Tracy Baldwin and other radical women’s lib activists lacked Zoey’s diplomatic qualities. She wouldn’t have convinced the staff and the not-so-macho-like boys as much as Zoey.

Addie had been too weak to fight Ben at home. She wouldn’t even have tried to put up with Logan’s mafia. She wouldn’t even have made it to the Pacific Coast Academy without Zoey’s fight.

As much as I tried to look through the long list of girls at Pacific Coast Academy known to me, I was unable to find anyone to fight the fight as well as Zoey.

Summing it up, with Zoey Brooks, the Pacific Coast Academy had lost its soul, utterly and completely.

The future of this school was going to be zombie-like.

Logan’s macho regime was now probably unstoppable.

64.5  Too wide to cross

A few weeks later, Zoey was stioll missed all over the place.

Our volleyball team was so much down.

We even had to use Mark del Figgalo.

The basketball team was completely headless.

Coach Keller treated us like dirt.

Only Zoey would have known what to do.

Lola and Stacey as roomies, without Zoey’s moderating activities, were worse than several epidemic disease at the same time.

The whole Brenner Hall was going to sink into a devastating war.

Even Dean Ruckner, inspiute of not knowing Zoey Brooks for more than half a year, was in a really desperate situation.

Everything started to slip out of control.

We had tried hards to reach Zoey via web chat or skype.

But the window for this activity was too small.

Lola did not want to wake up Zoey’s roomie, a certain Tabitha, for naught.

And the weekends had been busy, too.

We had thus only been able to talk to Zoey like three times, for a few minutes, in several weeks.

Why was the Atlantic so wide?

This was just not fair.

Another morning was approaching.

The sun yawned sarcastically upon us from beyong the hill chains.

We were not looking forward to this days.

But all of a sudden, a cab halted at the campus entrance.

A girl exited. She was abouyt as big and as blond as Zoey.

I had probably started hallucinating.

Strangely, Michael and Mark had started suffering from the same haunting horror trip.

We decided to verufy the situation.

The girl walked up to us and hugged us. “Hey, have you seen a phantasm? Should I call the lads in white?”

Lola stormed across the campus, yelling, “Zoey!”

Finally, we started accepting Zoey’s return as sober reality.

Zoey grinned. She huggled Lola almost to death. Then she panted heavily. “Dustin’s roomie, you know, Scooter …”

We nodded solemnly.

Zoey sighed. “He has sent me a message. It was terrible. I talked to mom and dad. They understood my wish not to leave Dustin alone. So now I’m back.”

And that was very good so, not just for Dustin, but for, let’s say. most of us.

1
inspired by Last Farewell, a song by Roger Whitacker and Elvis Presley which I don’t own

Chapter 65  Beavcoons

65.1  Call of the wild

Spring break was about to start.

After that one, some of the kids participating in last visitors’s day were going to join us.

But now we prepared out vacations.

Once more, I felt better not returning home.

Addie was invited by Wendy and Megan to San Diego.

This was supposed to be a girls’ thing.

Thus Michael didn’t join in.

Rather, Coco and Gordy were ready to take us on a camping trip across central Californian Yosemite Park.

We — viz. Zoey, Lola, Michael, and I — had been preparing for it a lot.

Coco and Gordy had been becoming a couple during the course of the last year.

Now we were getting our luggage fixed.

Stacey walked past us. “My parents will pick me up for a skiing trip in Aspen, Colorado.”

I smiled. “Cool!”

Too bad, Stacey’s proverbial bad luck was most likely going to leave her legs in pieces.

She wanted to know about our destination.

I answered, “Yosemite Park.”

Stacey gasped. “There are wild bears out there.” She waved and walked slowly away.

Michael squealed. He had heard about them.

I tried hard to calm him down.

Gordy grinned. “We are optimally prepared for an encounter with any possible danger. Look here!” He opened a chest with emergency equipment. He gave me a check list.

I started reading off the sheet. “Bear stun gun?”

Gordy grabbed a strange weapon. “Here!”

I continued, “Shark stun gun?”

Gordy nodded solemnly. “Here we are!”

Michael shivered. “Sharks are even worse than bears!”

Zoey calmed him down. “There are definitely no sharks in Yosemite Park.”

Michael was hard to convince of that.

But we had a shark stun gun with us.

This finally calmed him down.

I continued, “weasle stun gun?”

Gordy nodded solemnly. “That’s the most important weapon of all.”

I asked, “does it also help against racoons?” I was still deadly afraid of them.

Gordy confirmed that. “It also works for rats, skunks, squirrels, and so on.”

I sighed for infinite relief.

Gordy continued, “maybe we will even find a beavcoon.”

As aforementioned, a beavcoon was a mix of a racoon and a beaver.

They scared me more than plain racoons.

I had never believed in them.

Only Spencer Shay had ever mentioned them.

We were ready to get into the van.

Dustin was already gone to San Diego with his friend Robbie ‘Scooter’ Carmichael.

Shelby was away for a martial fight against one Jackson Colt1, her example to live up to.

Thus Lola and Zoey did not have to say good-bye to their little siblings first about their little siblings.

65.2  What Earth once was

2

We halted our van in the middle of the wild world of Yosemite National Park.

Our imagination of it was that of an untouched natural landscape.

Of course this could not be completely true.

Otherwise there had been no streets for our van to use.

I had to think about ecopacifist Zachariah Carter Schwartz’s penetrant warnings.

Evil mankind was more and more destroying this planet, for no good reason.

So we were now about admiring a still fairly original landscape.

We unpacked our tents.

I was sharing a tent with Michael.

Lola and Zoey were sharing another tend.

Lola’s naïve view concerning environmental problems was already fairly well-known and has been dealt with in other places.

Zoey had to instruct her thoroughly.

Camping with Michael was not very easy.

I was afraid of racoons.

Michael was not only afraid of bears, but also of bugs.3

And we had not got any bug stun gun with us.

Was this going to be a bigger problem?

I did not hope so.

Zoey distributed the tasks, such as fetching campfire logs and water.

Coco tried to escape from being assigned.

Likewise, Gordy wanted to pass all tasks to the nightshift.

This had been his standard attitude already at James K. Polk.

Too bad here was no nightshift.

Rather, we had to assign night watches, too.

Zoey suggested teams of two.

We cast dice.

I had to watch with Lola during the first three hours.

Gordy and Michael were going to follow us thereupon.

Last but not least, Zoey and Coco took care of the night’s last three hours.

Gordy distributed our dinner portions.

It was locked away in strange containers.

Gordy explained, “they are both bear- and weasle-proof. I’ve learned this from Josh Nichols.4”

Michael wondered, “what does that mean?”

Gordy beamed. “Neither bears nor weasles are able to open the tins and steal our spam. Whereas we may …” He started to open the tin boxes. No, he tried to open them. But he failed miserably.

Michael tried to help him.

Coco was tired. She was looking for the tin opener.

Too bad it had been forgotten back in Malibu.

Gordy sighed. “I needed space for the shark stun gun.” He shrugged ruefully.

Zoey finally achieved opening then, using aforementioned gun as a lever.

It was some tough work.

But we were not going to starve, at least.

Darkeness fell down upon us.

But before the night watches, we gathered around a campfire, singing our favourite song for these moments.

I struck the chords of my gguitar for backup.

100 Bottles of Blix on the wall
100 Bottles of Blix
Take one down!
Pass it around!

and on and on and on it went.

65.3  By the light of a million stars

The rules for crossing the park forced us to extinguish campfires pretty early.

Fortunately, the stars were shining bright.

Thus Lola and I were not forced to start our watch in pitch-black darkness.

We looked randomnly around.

Lola asked, “do you kno to handle the bear stun gun, just in case?”

I shook my head. “no clue!”

Lola sighed. She didn’t know it, either.

Suddenly, there were a few noises behind us.

Was ir a bear? Or a weasel? Or a shark?

Lola admitted, “I’d love to have Drake by my side, tonight, the stars shining so bright. Wouldn’t you want to be with Addie, either?”

I nodded solemnly. “But Addie didn’t get Ben’s permission. He has suddenly turned horribly overprotective.”

Lola giggled. “Reminds me so much of Zoey and Dustin.”

I wondered about Drake.

Lola sighed. “He has to give a concert in a prison for men. He and his mom think this a bad place for me. Likewise, I was scheduled for a shooting for Malcolm’s new movie. But he deemed it better to let me join you into the camping trip and postpone everything.”

I shrugged. “Adults …”

We heard more and more noises in the shrubbery.

But we did not really dare to investigate.

It was better to leave the bears in peace.

The same was valid for racoons.

They would otherwise get back at us in droves.

Alas, our three hours were now almost up.

Lola snuck silently back into her tent to Zoey, avoiding carefully waking her up.

I, on the other hand, had to poke Michael awake. “It’s your watch!”

Michael was upset. He wanted to keep on sleeping.

But I insisted in sticking to the schedule.

Michael grunted. But then he moved out for his watch, and in order to wake up Gordy.

I fell fast asleep.

65.4  In the still of the night

I must have been sleeping for quite a few hours.

In any case, the night was coming to an end.

But I wanted to catch as much sleep as only possible.

But in the same moment, a scream put a sudden end to my plans.

Michael woke up, as well. He crashed with his head against the middle bar of the tent, making it break down.

We were now stuck in a heap of strings and metal.

It took us some time to figure our way out.

I spotted Coco, hanging head down from a nearby tree.

She screamed like a high-pitched fury, and she struggled with her free foot.

Gordy also woke up. He gasped. He had placed the trap right there. “It’s a beavcoom trap …”

Alas, Coco may have been badly deformed, but she was not exactly a beavcoon. But she stammered something about a strange furry little mammal.

It had scared her to no end.

Zoey admitted, “I’ve seen it too. It had the head of a racoon, and the tail of a beaver. Or was it vice versa?” She scratched her hair. “The beast has scared Coco all over the place.”

Coco tried to cut the rope holding Zoey.

Now she plummeted ungracefully to the floor.

Zoey caught her as well as possible. But she did certainly not enjoy that.

A few minutes went past.

Various strange sounds were heard from the shrubberies.

And then there was it … a furry mammal, looking like a cross between a beaver and a racoon.

Gordy used a net in order to catch it.

I wondered, “do racoons or beavers have wheels?”

Zoey gasped.“True, this is not an animal, but …” She kicked the furry thing.

It was actually a remote-controlled skateboard covered with various furs.

Someone must have fooled us all the time.

Laughter was heard from the bushes.

Finally, Malcolm Reese and his butler Chaunsee5 showed up.

We were confused.

But, apparently, they had been observing and filming us all niht long, using infrasight cams. And they also made the remote-controlled skateboard in order to fool us.

Malcolm explained, “that’s why I did not need Lola for shootings in Hollywood during spring-break. The shootings have been made right here, during the last few hours.”

We looked consternated.

That was evil, really evil.

But now we were going to be seen again on TV … all of us, not just Lola.

65.5  Alone I break

Without further incidents, we had continued our vacations.

Now we returned back to the campus.

Stacey was already standing at the campus entrance. She was thus back from her trip to the snows of Colorado. She appeared safe andf well, without any crutches or plaster cast.

That was a good sign, wasn’t it?

But she sobbed and started weeping softly.

Something must have been wrong.

I asked, “how did you like your skiing vacations?”

Stacey explained sadly, “my parents haven’t picked me up.”

I gasped. I had been feeling neglected for quite some time either by my parentns.

The end of the song:

They got a divorce.

I asked Stacey, “do you know the reasons?”

Zoey, Michael, and Lola were already gone with their luggage.

Stacey sobbed and shook her head.

I panted heavily. “Have you got anyone else to ask? Something may have happened.”

Stacey moaned, “my sister Suzanne from Mississippi. But I don’t dare calling her.”

I offered to do that for Stacey. “Just give me her number.”

The sobbing cotton swab girl gave me her sister’s addresses.

I took my cellular phone and started to dial the number of St. Steve hospital in Massachusetts, the working place of Stacey’s adult sister.

The staff over there was not really polite. They refused to give me information about their members.

Zoey returned in order to look after me.

I told her about Stacey’s situation.

Zoey took the phone and talked to the admin of St. Steve.

Finally, they fetched Stacey’s sister.

The cotton swab princess was still to excited to talk to her sister.

Zoey explainend the situation.

Suzanne gasped. “Sorry, I wanted them to tell you in person. It’s really sad. But they are going to get a divorce. Thus their common vacation trip got cancelled, and replaced with individual trips to the sharks.”

What sort of parents were they?

Even mine had got the guts to fess up at some point, even a not so pleasant one.

It wasn’t Suzanne’s fault.

But she was now too far away from Stacey to be of any help.

Zoey would have loved to use Gordy’s rusty shark stun gun against the heartless lawyers of the Dillsen parents.

I took Stacey again into my arms. “Listen, my parents are divorced, too, sincea few years. I have gone through quite a few things and may understand your pains. If you need to talk about it to someone, I’m always here.”

Zoey smiled.

Stacey nodded sadly.

1
from iCarly : iLook Alike
2
inspired by Our Earth Was Once Green, a song by Runrig, not in my possession, either.
3
cf. Zoey 101 : Back At PCA
4
alludes to Drake & Josh : NumberOne Fan
5
from Zoey 101 : Spring Break-Up

Chapter 66  James Garrett

66.1  Cowering sunrise

The sun was cowering once more on the brink of a new morning at the Pacific Coast Academy.

Spring break had finally found its deserved end.

It had been somewhat dramatic out in the wilderness of Yosemite.

And it had been very sad for Stacey Dillsen, back here on the campus of the Pacific Coast Academy.

I believed in the first sunrise of a term saying a lot about th eterm itself.

A friendly sunrise was was promising a nice term.

And this spring term was going to be very important.

It was leading up to my junior prom.

Like most of us kids, I had been anticipating that event for years.

Alas, the sun did not appear to traverse the coastal hill chains in a very cheerful manner.

Quite the contrary, it appeared to be afraid of something.

This was not exactly a good omen for the starting spring term.

Was there something to be feared?

Or was I the source of fear?

I could not tell.

And Kreuftlva was not around to tell me.

In any case, I was expecting quite a few new faces.

And there was one of them.

James Garrett walked along. He was immediately surrounded by a flock of girls. But he was looking for his dorm. “148 Maxwell hall anyone?” shouted James.

Aw my gosh!

That was the room of Logan Reese and Vince Blake.

Logan was going to treat James like dirt.

So much was sure.

The sun rose higher and higher.

Maybe the initial fears were soon going to dissolve.

But this didn’t help James right now.

I recognised other kids.

The shirtless freak, Gibby, ran into me. “Hi, bushy head!”

I gasped. “Hi? Do you find your dorm?”

Gibby shrugged. “The sheet says 101 Dillard Hall.”

I remarked, “great, that’s also the hall of my friend Matthew Palmer Noid.”

Gibby shrugged.

I picked up my cellular phone and called Matthew.

We agreed on waiting at the fountain.

Matthew was going to pick up Gibby in a few minutes.

The gnome started chewing on a sandwich.

Sam Puckett passed by us. “Hi Gibby!” Then she grabbed his sandwich and swallowed it in one piece. “Next time I want less salt, you’ve got it?” She darted away.

Gibby grunted, “Sam!”

Finally, Matthew Palmer Noid showed up. “Hi … wait, that wasn’t me, I’m only removing pants, not shirts.”

I shook my head. “Gibby removes his shirt voluntarily.”

Gibby grinned. “Yeah, baby, because I’m awesome!”

Matthew and Gibby walked away.

I was now better looking for James.

66.2  Die alone

I crossed the base floor of Maxwell Hall.

The rooms with numbers below 100 were not really dormitory rooms. They were only converted into some when needed.

Usually, they served as janitors’ storage or laundry rooms, whatever.

But now there was light in one of them.

I wanted to check the situation and opened the door.

And there was James Garrett.

I gasped. “This is not 148”

James nodded. “Sure not. But Logan Reese doesn’t want me in his dorm. So I’ve budged and …”

I choked. “You have to complain with Mrs. Burvich1, the boarding officer.”

James shook his head. “If they don’t want me there, it makes no sense. Logan told me to go and rot somewhere in the dark, where nobody sees it.”

I gasped.

Logan envied James probably for the many girls flocking around him.

But this did not give Logan the permission to send assigned room mates into the catacombs.

The sounds of all the toilets in this building were reflected down here.

This was horrible.

Sometimes the showers munfunctioned, leading to excessively cold or hot water, and subsequent screams.

Now this happened every ten seconds.

How was it possible to sleep in here?

But now it was time for the operation a new boyfriend for Zoey.

I suggested, “Zoey is nice to new students in need. Just ask her about locations you need to know. She will gladly guide you right there.”

James grinned. “Really? She’s so nice.”

I nodded solemnly.

My cellular phone vibrated.

I picked it up. “Chase Matthews …”

It was Michael. “hi, will we make a session of Chase-and-Michael today?”

Aw dern!

I had almost forgotten about it.

Maybe Carlotta Shay was already here. We needed to introduce her and Fredward to the new viewers.

Samantha had already talked my ears off about this.

But, hey! There was an idea …

How about using the show in order to denounce Logan for his completely inappropriate demeanour towards James?

66.3  Live on your toes, love on your knees, die on your feet

Out on the campus, I was waiting behind a shrubbery with James. I looked at my watch. “Zoey is very reliable. She should now be …”

And there she was.

James grinned.

I sent him straight Zoey’s way. Now I kept on waiting behind the bushes.

The little angel and the little devil had been bickering again on my shoulders for several minutes.

Was it OK to snoop Zoey?

Maybe it wasn’t.

But I really needed to go sure and not mess it up.

Otherwise Zoey would possibly have ended up with yet another jerk like Glen Davis or Lance Rivers or Dany whatsoever instead of James Garrett.

But now I could smile.

James asked Zoey about a place for lunch.

Zoey recommended Sushi Rox.

James was glad. “Aw,my gosh, I love sushi!”

Zoey smiled. “So doI!”

The operation was running as planned.

A chop of tuna, a slice of Salmon, and Zoey was finally in a better relatioship than her last ones.

I clenched my fists and punched aloft, hitting nothing but thin air. I had to sneak on my toes from bush to bush in order to stay informed.

There were only like twenty yards left between me and the Japanese pub.

Oops!

I almost ran into Ashley Blake.

The little diva grinned. “Hi!”

I coughed.

That was not really a great timing.

“Have you already met Jett Stetson? He has arrived this morning.”

Ashley giggled. “We are appointed for dinner.”

I smiled. “That’s wonderful!”

Ashley nodded. “But it’s my first date. What do I have to say?” Aw my gosh, ice cold Ashley Blake was excited to the touch. She was going to lose her cool over her first dinner date.

Jeremiah Trottman and the other paparazzi were better not going to hear about it.

“Just be yourself,” replied I.

This was a really hollow formula, indeed.

Ashley commanded me to planned her dinner date like a play.

I gasped.

Was that going well?

In a play, I was able to control all the actors by means of a script.

But this time, it was only one-sided.

That wasn’t exactly perfect.

Ashley grabbed me. “Hide neath the table and perform as a prompter!”

I gasped.

That was really shocking.

But I should have been up to even that task.

Following Ashley, I enapproachedth entrnce of Sushi Rox on my toes.

But how to prompt her?

Maybe she should fall on her knees in front of Jett, declaring her love?

And, if rejected, stand up and pass out like dead on her feet?

She had practice many postures over and over again.

Dramatic postures were her absolute strength, had always been, and were always going to be.

66.4  The space between

Dinner time at Sushi Rox.

Did Ashley’s and Jett’s table have to be exactly next to that of James and Zoey?

I had to avoid being seen by the blond Mary-Sue.

Fortunately, there was a little Japanese tree in my way.

I picked it i aund used it in order to hide my bushy skull while creeping on all limbs under Jett Stetson’s and Ashley Blake’s table. I needed to cower profoundly.

Now I was entrapped exactly between Ashley’s and Jett’s feet.

My face was directed towards the table of Zoey and James.

I was hardly able to see anything.

But I heard them talk about the menu.

Unfortunately, both Jett and Ashley waggled on and off with their shoe tips.

I got to feel that.

At least their feet smelled better than Mark del Figgalo’s, for example.

Yet, Jett and Ashley did not say much.

Thus I could concentrate better on the events occurring next table.

I was sunk in wishful thinking. I thought “Come on, hurry up! Don’t you want to kiss him already?”

Alas, my thought was a bit too loud.

Ashley jumped up. She must have taken my thoughts concerning Zoey and James as a prompt addressing herself. She somersaulted all over the table and took flabbergasted Jett Stetson by surprise.

The shocked star actor twitched. He lost his balance upon Ashley’s impact.

Both of the drama monarchs floundered and crashed mercilessly to the floor.

Ashley actually achieved pressing her lips passionately against Jett’s mouth.

The sadistic onlookers clapped for awe. They wanted to see more.

All this I could not watch directly.

But various guests informed me about the details a few hours later.

However, the noises allowed me to get an impression of the events.

The general turmoil and mayhem triggered by the impulsive scenario between Ashley and Jett allowed me to sneak away without attracting too much attention.

At least Jett did not look extremely unhappy upon Ashley’s passionate onslaught.

I was happy to have made it out of there, unnoticed by Zoey Brooks.

That was really close.

66.5  Even he has forgotten his name

I made it back to my dorm.

Ashley and Jett appeared to be one hell of a couple.

Maybe the stuck-up diva was now going to give me a break.

But I was not sure about the outcome of the encounter between Zoey and James.

Maybe they had to leave elsewhere, right upon the tremendous mayhem caused by Ashley’s passionate somersault upon Jett.

Whatever the result, I had to take care of getting James his place in 148 Maxwell Hall back.

He definitely did not belong into the death row cells, with or without Zoey Brooks as his new girlfriend.

Michael was already nervous.

Carly Shay snuck in. “OK, guys! What’s today’s topic?”

I replied, “introducing you to the viewers?”

Carly chuckled. “Yeah, cool!”

Freddie was adjusting his webcam.

I also mentioned Logan’s deeds against James Garrett.

Michael remarked, “it’s evil!”

Carly nodded. “Yeah, it really is. Poor James, whoever that is. But I’m really disappointed by Logan Reese. His dad is incredibly rich.Couldn’t he spend some money into a teacher of good manners? Why do hot, rich boys always have to be incredible jerks?”

Michael shrugged sadly.

Freddie started counting down. “Online in fine … four … three … two …”

I was waiting for the one.

Michael cried, “hey, where’s the one?”

Freddie boomed, “saying the one is uncool!”

We all shrugged without a trace of a clue.

But we were suddenly aware of being already online.

That was a bit scary.

The viewers had already been able to here us talk.

I stammered, “as you see, we have obtained some reinforcement. Carly Shay …”

Carly grinned. “Hello, my name is Carly Shay. I’m from Seattle. But now I’m here at this wonderful school, the Pacific Coast Academy.”

Michael’s cellular phone vibrated. He picked it up. “Michael Barret … aw, hi, James, yeah, we’re already online …” Michael told us, “James is already on his way.”

A few moments later, James bounded in. “Hi guys, hi …” His face froze to a block of ice.

Carly was apparently even more flabbergasted. “Jake2!”

James grunted, “Carly!”

Why did James not protest against being falsely called Jake? Had he forgotten his own name?

Freddie grunted, “Jake Krendel, what are you doing here? Trying to break Carly’s heart again?”

I didn’t understand zilch.

Zoey stormed in. “Chase! What is going on? You have tried to glue me and James together? Do you think me unable to find a boyfriend on my own?”

I stammered, “erm … maybe?”

Michael stuttered, “Jake? James?”

I added, “Danifer?”

James used the confusion in order to escape through the door.

Zoey was really upset.

Carly declared, “a few weeks ago, Jake had flirted with me and many other girls at my school, but cheated on us behind our backs back with his ex-girlfriend Stephanie Javers.”

Freddie nodded vigorously. “I should have pushed him down the staircase.”

I sighed deeply. I had been so wrong about James.

Junior prom was nowcloser and closer.

And Zoey was still alone.

But she deserved better.

And James deserved staying down in his rat hole.

1
cf. Zoey 101 : Back At PCA
2
identifies James garrett mit Jake Krendel from iCarly : iLike Jake

Chapter 67  The Jerk Of Jerks

67.1  See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil

The Brooks kid suffered more from the increase of their distance between themselves and their parents than admitted.

Dustin, in particular, wished desperately to do more web chats with his mom.

Unfortunately, Mrs. Brooks neither had a web cam nor any idea as of how to use one.

Dustin was now desperately looking for a web cam that was both easy to use and cheap.

This was not going to be easy.

In any way, he needed to earn some money.

Unfortunately, Kazu was only allowed to employ kids of at least thirteen years. He had got enough staff already, anyways.

The same was valid for other businessmen on the campus.

Benjamin Singer would have loved to employ Dustin.

The little sweetie would have raised Ben’s sales to middle school and elementary school girls drastically.

Summing it up, doing jobs for rich and spoiled fellow pupils was the only way to get fast at enough money for a decent web cam.

And the richestand most rotten at heart of them was of course nobody other than Logan Reese.

The latter had abuised Dustin already for other dirt jobs, as aforementioned.

The poor tweenie was chased all over the campus.

Zoey was by no means glad about the situation. She would have given Dustin some bucks. But she did not have much, either.

Life on the campus had been much more expensive for them due to their parents’ move across the ocean.

The worst of all was Logan’s exorbitant impatience.

He bitched and moaned all the time.

Dustin had to fetch Logan’s dinner, and he had to explain the delay of Logan’s school projects unto various teacher, begging for a prolongation of deadlines for the procrastinator’s sake.

This was not always easy.

Dustin was forced to offer bribes to those teachers.

The bribes were paid by Logan of course.

But even being just the messenger would have been enough to get Dustin into trouble.

He could have feigned ignorance and stuff.

But Ruckner would not have believed that.

Having to take care of several of Logan’s insane commands at the same time was equally going to stress Dustin beyond any reason.

Zoey did not get to hear about all this evil stuff. Thus she stayed calmer than she should have. But she made it always clear to be up to intervene harshly in the case of noticing Logan abusing Dustin in an illegitimate manner.

67.2  Ravenous time

And then it happened.

Dustin had been busy negotiating with Mrs. Fisher1, our teacher for arts, about another prolungation for Logan’s project, a sculpture made of coloured magnetic sticks.

That work of arts was ugly and could not hold a dimly glowing candle to Zoey’s backpack adornations or even Stacey’s cottn swab arts or Maria’s portraits.

Whatever, Mrs. Fisher granted the allowances in turn for a dinner coupon at Vaccaro’s, Logan’s favourite restaurant.

Unfortunately, Dustin had this way missed out on another message by Logan.

This had turned Logan’s mood as ravenous as can be. He left a message for Dustin, chock full of perversities and obscenities.

Logan thought of being allowed to do so because of being the only heir of a multi-trillionary.

Dustin came to Zoey. He desperately needed her and would probably have gone over any edge in her absence.

What would have happened without Zoey’s return from London?

I did not want to think about it.

But it must have been horrible and murderous.

Zoey’s reaction was no less radical than expected.

She was looking for something very hard, suited in order to smach the stinking skull of Logan Reese into smithereens.

I tried to stop her. “Sorry, Zoey, but there are strict rules at this school, concerning killing fellow pupils.”

Michael nodded vigorously.

Only Lola was too dumb for understanding the situation. She kept on reading the latest Buzz.

Hadn’t it always been Zoey Brooks to preach “Violence is no solution”?

I hardly recognisedher anymore.

She had often been urged to defend her little brother, more than really necessary. But she had never been that furious.

Michael offered her, “the message is still taped. We may play it in our web show.”

I nodded. “Michael! You’re brilliant!”

My friend grinned.

Finally, most of the students, teachers, and staff were going to learn directly about the evilness of Logan Reese.

67.3  Treacherous deceit

Carly walked into our dorm for a new session of the Chase-And-Michael Show.

We told her about today’s topic.

Carly choked. “He did what to a little middle school kid?”

Her disappointment about the charming hottie increased from minute to minute.

She watched the tape twice. Each time, she turned more disgusted. “That’s sick!”

I nodded solemnly.

Carly added, “my grandpa is the speaker of the alumni of the Pacific Coast Academy. He can do much more about it.”

I sighed. “OK, that’s cool. Send him a copy, too!”

Freddie was already about copying the tape.

Carly had to think briefly.

The count was on.

“Online in five … four … three … two” Freddie growled.

Carly started talking. “Hello, I’m Carly Shay. As you know, I’m fairly new at this school. Before coming to Pacific Coast Academy, I was told about the great respect among the pupils here, and how mucgh the older pupils care for the younger ones. And this is certainly true for most parts. This makes me proud of my choice.”

Freddie nodded.

Carly continued, “unfortunately, there are some exceptions, sticking out like a sore thumb. Let’s look at one of them. A few days ago, a nice middlke school kid, let’s call him Dustin Brooks, received a message on his mail box.” She looked over to Freddie.

Fredward Benson pushed the buttons, putting the contents of the aforementioned tape online.

Carly’s face went dark.

She growled. “This is horrible. Maybe I will be the next victim? Will the kid hater ever stop?”

Michael shrugged.

Carly continued, “we should not mention the guy befhind the message, should we?”

I took the microphone, whispering, “oh, we should. It is nobody but Logan Reese, a junior living in 148 Maxwell Hall.”

Carly chuckled. “Oops! The name must have slipped from our lips.”

Michael nodded vigorously.

Carly continued, “OK, this was the message of the day. Now we move on to entertainment. Lola Martinez is now going toplay us a skit about a yelling teeenager.”

Lola marched in. She emulated Logan’s demeanour in a very funny manner.

Fredward Benson’s brain drowned in a flood of testosterone.

He was ready to reach out for and grab the Hollywood beauty.

Carly grabbed Freddie’s right wrist. “Stop hankering in such a perverted manner after Lola!”

Fortunately, Lola was now done with her sketch. She had to walk out pretty fast.

Freddie finally cooled down.

We had hitherto not discovered the possibility of reading feedback submitted to SplashFace, our web host.

Only Freddie had piinted this out.

Now we were able to read the first reactions to the tape.

Those were devastating.

Principal Wright from James K. Polk called this a scandal.

Mrs. Collins from Palmwoods even threatened to inform the UNESCO.

But most upset were the elementary- and middle school kids right here at Pacific Coast Academy.

Charles Cornelius Gibson declared to pour some hot coffee right into Logan’s face.

Samantha Pucket gathered a few weapons, such as baseball bats and stones.

Even Melanie was by her site.

Megan Parker was building some landmine traps.

And on and on and on it went.

Logan was sure going to be very upset about our actions.

But it was all his comeuppance.

67.4  Exquisite and unforgivable

The next day, we were called into the office of Dean Ruckner.

He was busy dealing with Logan Reese. After seeing the reactions from the pupils, the teachers, the aprents, and the alumni, he had read the folder of Logan Reese. “It is full of witnesses of your loose discipline, Mr. Reese. You may appeal in front of the honour council, but your expulsion is almost inevitable.”

Logan laughed hysterically. “My father is the greatest sponsor of the Pacific Coast Academy. You can’t expel me.”

Dean Ruckner coughed.

This was so unfair.

The headmaster called Executive Chairman Garth Berman.

Garth expressed his consternation upon the news about Logann Reese.

The door went open.

Vincent Blake stumbled in. He had hitherto always backed Logan. But now hge growled, “Dean Ruckner, I can’t stay at a school where my little sister is in danger of getting shouted against the wall by some insaner. It’s either him or us!”

Ruckner was consternated.

The menace was really strong.

The football team was close to winning the nationals. But without their quarterback, Vincent Blake, it was left without even a snowflake’s chance in a volcano’s gullet.

This time, Samantha Puckett was certainly not going to sub for him.

The chance of winning the football nationals was certainly one of the greatest possible highlights in the career of dean of a high school.

Executive Chairman Berman saw it in a similar way.

The Bradford family shared that feeling.

The same was valid for the alumni.

Never ever had a team of the Pacific Coast Academy even come close to seeing the light at the end of the tunnels, never before the arrival of Vincent Blake.

Quite the contrary, most of the alumni were chick full of painful memories of big failures in the past.

None of them wanted to be responsible for the Pacific Coast Academy to miss out on this probably unique chance.

Malcolm Reese was an alumnus, too. Being informed about the situation concerning Logan, he turned suddenly very silent.

But Logan was certaily going to bribe his way through the honour council. He just shrugged.

Beverly announced, “the representant of Dustin Brooks at the honour council is here.”

Logan did not care.

Mr. Ruckner called Dustin’s shark in.

Surprise!

It was no other but Mindy Crenshaw.

Alas, not only Logan was in trouble.

Mr. Fisher was accused of bribery. She had accepted Logan’s coupon for a dinner at Vaccaro’s.

It was not her first case of bribery.

Dean Ruckner had to expell her as well.

Unfortunately, there was now no art teacher left for high school classes.

This was going to make our gifted artists, such as Zoey Brooks, Jerry Crony, Stacey Dillsen, and Maria Hughes, quite sad.

67.5  Fire in your eyes

Mindy Crenshaw had even proved some shocking facts, such as Logan’s abuse of J-phones. But then she was able to demonstrate Logan guilty of the manipulation of the power reactor.

Logan feigned being too dumb for that.

Mindy proved Logan to be not the grandson of Professor Reese from Caltech.

Old Mrs. Reese had invented a particularly dangerous form of the fuel-air-explosive used in order to endanger the whole campus during Mindy’s, Quinn’s, and Wayne’s demonstration of the power reactor.

Mindy needed Vince. Logan’s long-term roomie, as a witness.

Everyone was consternated.

Logan refused to answer. But then he admitted shamelessly to many other evil deeds.

Judge Bender could not help expelling Logan for two years.

In the mean time, James Garrett had excused himself unto Zoey and Carly for his stupid games. He was now substituting for Logan as Vince’s new roomie.

All that was a subject of our first session of the Chase-and-Michael Show after the honour council.

Carly sighed deeply. “That spook is gone! There’s a new job for poor Dustin Brooks, as he was soon going to turn thirteen, and his dad has sent Dean Ruckner a permission to allow him to take up a regular job on the campus. Our sappy freak Benjamin Singer employs him as a sales deputy. And I’ve already foud some substitute for Mrs. Fisher. Harry Joiner2, a great pop artist and idol of my brother Spencer, is taking over. I would have preferred Spencer to take the job, but he refused to wear a suit just for the job interview. He hates suits. They alweays pinch and poke.” She cackled,

There were noises at our door.

I opened.

Zoey stepped in. “Hello! Dustin still hasn’t thanked Carly for her efforts.”

Carly shrugged. “OK?”

Zoey dragged Dustin in.

The blushing middle school boy was now red like a cherry. He could hardly bear being so close to his idol.

Zoey had a hard time getting Dustin to say anything.

Carly shrugged. “I don’t bite, really.”

Dustin swooned all over when reaching out for shaking hands with Carly.

As for Dustin’s shade, Carly supposed, “you just love what I’ve done for you, don’t you?”

Zoey nodded solemnly. “But of course.”

Alas I knew it better. “Sorry, this is so totally not true!”

Everyone glared at me.

I explained, “Samantha Puckett had been talking a lot about you, especially to Dustin. Each time, Dustin’s crush grew a bit. He was already totally dying for meeting you here.”

Carly was flabbergasted. “That’s so …” She couldn’t find any words. Thus she simply grabbed Dustin and took him into her arms. She closed her eyes and gave him one of her hands. She felt the tender beat of his heart.

Dustin looked puzzled. Was he only dreaming?

Or was there an ever-lasting fire shining brightly in Carly’s eyes?

1
mentioned in Zoey 101 : Anger Management
2
cf. iCarly : iHeart Art

Chapter 68  Morgan Eichman

68.1  I used to remember you

Most pupils here were glad about the expulsion of the king of playboys, barring some spoilt lasses hankering after Logan Reese, such as Maris Bingham, Patricia Perez, Dana Cruz, and on and on and on it went.

Or so one could have thought.

But things were not really that easy.

And, surprisingly, Dustin Brooks was the first person to majke me aware of that. He, among all, should heve be most glad about Logan’s exit from Pacific Coast Academy.

I met him in my lounge.

He looked a lot disturbed.

I wondererd why.

Dustin explained, “you remember Mr. Eichman, former best friend of Malcolm Reese?”

I nodded solemnly.

As aforementioned, Logan had once mentioned his cold war with Malcolm.

Mr. Eichman used to be the boss of nearby Hollywood School Of Art.

Dustin sighed. “The two of them have recently made up again. Brad Eichman is now the new Dean of Hollywood School Of Art.”

I shrugged. “Sinjin van Cleef told me about that. Basically, he had always been, he had just been banned from exercising his office.”

But these details were irrelevant.

I still did not get Dustin’s message.

He continued, “well, he’s back in California, and so is his daughter Morgan. But she suffers a lot from the expulsion of fer half-brother.”

I wondered, “which half-brother?”

Dustin poked me hard. “Logan Reese!”

I gasped. I knew about Logan having been baby-sitting Eichman’s daughter years ago.

But that did not make them half-siblings.

Dustin growled, “the whole trouble between Malcolm Reese and Brad Eichman … it had been over a woman. One particular woman — the mother of Logan and Morgan.”

I gasped for extreme consternation. “Logan has never told me about that.”

Dustin continued, “probably because of not knowing about it. He considers Mrs. Eichman as one of his many step-mothers. She sends him cookies from time to time.”

My brain started burning like brimstone and hell fire.

Dustin sobbed. “Please, do something about it. Morgan is disappointed by Logan’s distasteful demeanour. But she used to remember him as a nice and protective boy. She has believed to be so close to finding him again. And now you had to expel him.”

I shuddered. “Hey! I’m not the school’s board.”

Dustin shrugged. “Sorry! But it still sucks.”

I nodded. I had still been guilty to some extent by exaggerating with my show. Now I just had to do something about it.

Logan was not onlty expelled from school, but also prohibited from entering the campus.

That was not fair unto Morgan.

68.2  Faery-eyed child

The same day’s evening, Dustin came into my dormitory room in order to introduce Morgan Eichman unto me and Michael.

Morgan was a nice middle-school girl, a bit younger than Dustin. She looked at us with fairy eyes.

Now I felt even more guilty for having used my web show in order to separate her from her recently rediscovered half-brother.

Morgan had been a great fan of our show. “It had already been cool before, but Carly made it a lot cooler. But Lola’s skits are still the best.”

I smiled.

Morgan’s confession made it even harder, of course.

Morgan even dared to call her dad’s TV productions crap, as opposed to our webshow. “He thinks of dinosaurs as all cool. But they aren’t. Carly’s grimaces are. And Lola’s skits are even more so.”

Carly contorted her face muscles.

We laughed about it.

Morgan sobbed sadly.

Even Mark started weeping.

Had I ever seen him shedding tears?

Hell, we’ve been together at this school for almost six years. And this was our fourth year of sharing the same dormitory room.

But not once had I seen him weeping, at least not enough to remember.

I also wondered about one important thing. ‘“Why did Logan never get to know about his mother?”

Morgan had gota hard time explaining it. “It would have hurt mom so much thinking back. And especially when dad and Malcom were at each other’s throat …”

This was understandable.

But maybe times were about to change.

We needed to get a permission for Logan to enter Pacific Coast Academy again, as a visitor, in order to be with Morgan for a few minutes at least.

But was Logan ready to know about the shockingdetails concerning his mother? Maybe he had known more about it than admitted unto us.

This was not an easy decision to make.

Anyways, we needed some backup from Logan’s girlfriends.

It was still impossible for me to talk about it to Maris Binglam and Patricia Perez.

But I should have been able to talk to Dana Cruz about it.

All depended on her degree of being mad at me for having indirectly effected Logan’s expulsion.

In any case, I had to try. I promised solemnly unto Morgan to do so.

68.3  Missing planet

Visiting good old Dana Cruz was nothing to look forward to with glee.

I already saw my groin kickcked into a bloody mess by Dana’s spontaneous violent reactions.

Upon my entrance, Dana grabbed me forcefully and shoved me rudely against the wall.

But at least I was still somewhat alive.

Alas, she was probably just not yet done with me.

The only question still remaining was: Was I going to be carried out of the room in one piece or rather in a myriad of smithereens?

Only Dana Cruz could answer the question.

I was already about saying my last prayers.

Dana shook me from head to toe with her violent grip, making my bones vibrate like shattering diamonds.

I stammered, “I know something about Logan …”

“I know what you know. You’ve backstabbed him,” bellowed the infuriated tomboy. “and you will pay for this. Die slowly!”

I squealed, “That too, but …” I twitched all over, feeling the cold, iron grip of Miss Cruz.

My exorbitantly bushy hair stood out from end to end.

Was Dana going to let me talk? Only reluctantly she finally convinced herself of giving me one last minute for talking, thence shutting up for good.

I stammered, “I’ve found a trace of Logan’s mother.”

Dana looked aghast.

Logan had never talked to her a lot about his mother.

The only well-known thing was that of Malcolm Reese having been divorced and remarried every other year.

Logan had thusly got many a step-mother.

But his own mother had always remained a riddle like the multiply rumoured missing planet in our solar system.

Stacey had many a time tried to look for it with her telescope. But she had kept failing over and over.

Futhermore, Dana knew Morgan.

This was one reason more for her to yell at me like a berzerk.

How could I do something like that to a little girl?

Dan threatened me, “get Logan to show up here for my prom. With or without Dean Ruckner’s consent doesn’t matetr. Just get him to come hereto, as my prom date. Will you?”

I kept on twitcheing and trembling.

She shook my chin. “Or else …”

I certainly did not want to experience the else part.

Dana grunted, “and don’t talk to Morgan about it. It is meant to be asurprise for her.”

I nodded timidly.

Dan released her murderous grip on me. Then she kicked me out of her dormitory room. “And don’t even dare remotely to mess this up.”

I knew.

There was still the else part, hovering above my head like the infamous sword of Damocles.

68.4  For the child I will sing

Now we were oblige to cheer up Morgan in some way.

She had been a great fan of our show.

Carly’s idea was that of performing some songs for her.

Wendy and Michael tried hard to write down a few notes.

Likewise, Addie and I have given our best in order to contribute to Morgan’s entertainment. And we wanted to perfor the songs.

Alas, Dana’s brute menaces were still suffocating our minds like a huge concrete block.

Carly sighed. “It’s only two minutes till countdown.”

We shivered.

Fortunately, Jake Krendel, or, if preferred, James Garret, was a more than just mediocre guitar player.

he had recently made a lovely song for his grandma.

The poor old lady had only got one foot.

The other one had been eaten by her hungry cat.

It must have been a tiger.

Or so I imagined.

Whatever, there was one huge hitch.

Jake could not sing for a dime.

We were infinitely nervous.

And where the heck was Michael?

It couldn’t be any worse.

But my latter question answered itself in time.

Michael Barret stumbled into our dormitory room, fdollowed straight by a new friend of his.

This friend had big molars and hooves and …

OK, it was a horse.

Michael complained, “the thing has been following me all over the campus for two hours straight. And I’m allergic to horses.”

I remembered the ranch of Faye Dunnaway.

Quinn’s alpaca was still stationed there, side by side with Megan’s zebra.

Carly sighed. “You have to call Faye and tell her …”

I nodded solemnly and pciked my cellular phone. I needed to ask Quinn for the number.

Carly had got an idea. “But until then, the horse may be a big help for us.”

We looked aghast.

Carly smiled. “Many girls in Morgan’s age like horses.”

I banged my head against the wall.

Freddie announced, “my equipment allows me to patch the voice of James. It runs on the latest version of Quinndoze QP1 by Quinn Pensky.”

We hoped this to be true.

Then Freddie counted down. “Online in five textellipsis four … three … two”

Carly introduced Jake aka James.

The tall blond rake started performing his song.

With Freddie’s patching, it sounded heavenly.

We would rather have used a singalong song.

Carly had got an idea. She whispered something into Jake’s ears.

The rake nondded. “OK!” He stepped closer to the stallion. Then he started striking the chords.

The camptown ladies sing that song
Dooday, Dooday
The camptown’s racetrack’s five miles long
Dooday Doodaday!

We started joining in.

The horse whickered gleefully.

We all continued.

Going to run all night
Going to run all day

I bet my money on the bob-tailed nag
Someone bet on the hay.

Everybody now.
Going to run all night
…

The feedback after the show was heart-tearing.

68.5  Don’t look into its eyes

We were gathered near the campus fountain in order to render the stout stallion unto its lawful owner.

Faye Dunnaway walked up to us in order to take Winchester home. She sighed. “That’s his third escape already.”

I shrugged.

She petted the stallion, making him whicker. “I’ve seen your show. Is the girl around? The one ypu’vr brrn singing for?”

Winchester was the name of the stallion, as pointed out thereupon by Faye Duunnaway.

Michael nodded. “Morgan? Why?”

Faye Dunnaway wanted to talk to her.

I picked my cellular phone and called Dustin, telling him to fetch Morgan and take her to the campus square.

Dustin promised to do so.

Faye Dunnaway had really liked the show. “My daughter is a total fan of the show. Maybe Winchester is too?”

I scratched the shrubbery adorning muy stuborn skull.

We really had not yet found an explanation for Winchester’s obsession with Michael.

Along came Morgan. She squealed for glee. Then she started cuddling with the whickering stallion.

Of course, Winchester had to return to his stalbles.

Morgan looked sadly into its eyes.

I tried to dissuade her from that.

The separation might hurt her as much as that from Logan.

But Faye still hadsomething to say. “One of my mares is soon going to give birth to a foalen. Do you want to be its godmother?”

Morgan squealed cheerfully. “Sure I will!”

Faye smiled. “OK, I’m going to prepare the papers. Then we go to Dean Ruckner. You will get the permission to visit the baby horse every now and then, just as Quinn had always been allowed to.”

I noddend solemnly.

Faye and Winchester finally left the campus, leaving a much less sad Morgan Eichman behind.

1
This computer system is mentioned in Zoey 101 : Favor Chain

Chapter 69  Uncle Carmine

69.1  Still crossroads

Few days later, Benjamin Singer entered my lounge soon after sunrise.

I rubbed some sleep off my temples, yawning noisily.

Ben asked me, “hey, I’ve got something for you to do.”

I shrugged. “I hate work.”

Benjamin nodded. “I know. But itt has to be.”

I sighed deeply.

Bewnjamin explained, “thePacific Coast Academy has been chosen by the UNICEF for this year’s Californian charity walkathon.”

I wondered, “what’s that?”

Ben explained, “pupils run for a good purpose, something to do with hobo kids and stuff.”

I scratched my head. “OK, what about the good purpose of letting me sleep a bit longer?”

Ben chuckled. “I’d like to sleep all day, except when being together with a cute girl.”

I moaned, “who wouldn’t? Well, what’s my business as for all the charity walkathon fuss?”

Ben explained, “truly, the participants need food and drink during the walk. And someone with a snack and coffee cart has to distribute it, somehow.”

I guessed, “you are that someone?”

Ben nodded solemnly.

It was too obvious, anyways.

I wondered, “isn’t Dustin your deputy?”

Ben grinned. “True! Well, usually, he is. But he wants to participate, together with Zoey. They are running in teams of two.”

I sighed, “that’s why the two of them are seen jogging so much, as of recent.”

Ben nodded with glee.

I sighed. “OK, I’m in it. What do I have to do?”

Ben explained, “it’s easy. Our cart will stay next to some usually quiet crossroads. But now it’s the checkpoint for the marathon course.”

I shrugged.

Ben continued, “I will fill the drinks into the cups. You thence render the cups and the cookies unto the passing participants.”

I smiled. “That sounds simple. Even I am up to it.”

Ben nodded. “I so knew it. Here is the map with a sketch of the course. The black cross is our check point.”

I overlooked the map. “A shadowy place, I hope.”

California’s spring sun could have been hot enough to sear us.

Dustin came in. He remarked, “Ben, we’re out of coffee milk.”

Ben shrugged. He gave Dustin a bill of fifty bucks. “Go to the cafeteria and buy a huge pack. The change is yours.”

Dustin beamed. “OK! Hi Chase, will you sponsor me for the walkathon?” He gave me a list to sign up.

Ben explained, “you have to offer an amount of money per mile to donate to the charity foundation. Like, you offer one buvk, Dustin makes 50 miles, you owe them fifty bucks.”

Dustin nodded.

I shrugged. “I can’t afford morer than 50 cents, then.”

Dustin nodded. “It’s OK. The good will is what matters.”

I sighed and signed the list.

69.2  Fields of dust

The red hot sun burned up the southern Californian hill braes.

There I was standing in the fields of dust.

Samantha Puckett passed by and grabbed one of my cookies.

I asked her, “you’re a participating in the walkathon?”

Sam shook her head. “no way! But those cookie crumbs are nown participating in a race down my gullet!” She gurgled.

I shrugged.

She shouldn’t have taken any of the cookies.

Sam explained, “but I’m still contributing to uncle Carmine’s charity fond.”

I wondered how.

Sam grinned. “I’m running a kissing booth. I’m the perfect girl for such a thing, don’t you think?”

I choked. I had so hoped for Sam to have moved on.

But at least it was for a good purpose.

So I did not complain about it and let her establish her booth next to Ben’s cart, right out here in the dust.

Alas Uncle Carmine, Sam’s uncle, was responsible for the whole charity thing? According to Sam, he had rather been a very mean guy.

How did that match?

Maybe the whole charity thing wasn’t to be trusted?

Sam finished the booth.

A label read “Charity Kissing Booth. One Dollar Per Kiss.”

I was also done with my booth.

Finally Ben showed up, riding his scooter. “Sorry! Freddie wanted to come with me.”

Fredward Benson removed his helmet.“OK, pretty dusty out here.”

I nodded solemnly.

Freddie explained, “Chase, I want to take pictures for our next web show.”

I would have banged my head agianst a wall.

But there wasn’t any.

Why had I not thought of this earlier?

It was a great idea.

“Of course!” I grinned.

Freddie saw Sam’s boioth. “One dollar for a kiss?”

Sam grunted, “hey, for you not even for a billion of bucks, Fredboy!”

Freddie shook his head. “I wouldn’t kiss Sam for free, even in the case of Sam being the last girl left on this dusty planet.”

Sam scoffed at Fredward.

Vince Blake and Shelby Marx was the first team showing up at our station.

Sam gazed over at Vince. “Hey! Only one 99 cent for you.”

Vince chuckled.

Shelby grabbed Vince’s arm. “No way!”

Sam sighed for disappointment.

Freddie took pics of Shelby and Vince. “For our show!”

Vince nodded while grabbing a cup of ice tea. “Chase, Ashley has talked to me.”

I trembeld. Was I behind the schedule for Ashley’s next play.

Shelby grabbed Vince. “Later! We want to make at least 50 miles.”

Vince nodded solemnly. “See you, we have to talk later on.”

I started worrying.

Others showed up.

Zoey and Dustin were next.

My money was with them.

I asked, “please not nmore than 20 miles!”

Zoey shrugged. “We’ll see,”

Dustin nodded. He emptied a cup of ice tea in no time.

Then Zoey told him to continue.

The Brooks kids waved at us and then continued their march.

I still could not make much sense of Vince Blake’s remarks.

Many participants walked past us.

Sam was increasingly disappointed by not getting to kiss the boys of her choice.

Whatever, the shadows grew longer.

A day out in the dusty wastelands was coming to an end.

69.3  Breathe, baby, breathe!

I rode my scooter back to the campus.

Zoey and Dustin must have made twenty miles.

Or so I had estimated. Of course I needed too know my debts exactly.

Michael crossed my way/ “Hi Chase!” He held a pair of clackers in his hands.

I gasped.

He had been addicted to those things for quite a few days already.

They were totally going to rob my sleep.

“Clack! Clack!”

I wanted Michael to scratch it.

But he just offered a deal. “I show you my new pool trick. If it succedes, I may play with my balls any time I want to.”

I shrugged. “If I win, you pay my debts for the charity stuff for me.”

Michael nodded. “Deal!”

Dustin and Zoey limped in.

I wondered, “Zoey? How far …”

Dustin pantred like a rusty steam engine. “Twenty … miles.”

I sighed.

This made ten bucks.

Lola arrived too. She waved with a few bank notes. “There are fifteen bucks for you, Dustin.”

He chuckled. “The money goes to Mr. Carmine Puckett from Charity Inc. And it’s fifteen bucks per mile. Thus you owwe them 300 bucks.”

Lola went pale. “Per mile?”

“Do you ever read the small print,” wondered Zoey.

Lola shook her head. “No Hollywood stardoes.”

Dustin shrugged. “Fortunately, you stars havegot the bucks.”

Lola twitched like an indiot. “Honestly, I don’t. Mom adds all the bucks for acting to my college funds. I can’t get at them freely before the age of eighteen.”

Zoey grunted, “Carmine won’t like that.”

Samantha offered to talk to her uncle.

It wasn’t going to be easy.

Lola was even more pale upon listening to the results of Shelby and Vince.

They had made forty miled.

Lola thus owed a big total of 900 bucks. And she was left with two days to come up with the money.

This was no good.

Samantha better came up with something good.

69.4  Assassin for hire

My dreams went worse and worse.

Uncle Carmine was probably really a paid assassin.

May the Blakes had already hired him in order to dispose with me?

Likewise, Dana Cruz might have lost her patience, not waiting until prom night for the or else part of her commands.

I had to talk to Vince immediately.

Fortunately, he was right in the lounge.

I asked Vince, “you may kill me now, or you may wait until Dana Cruz gets me, whatewver.” I sighed for exorbitant despair.

Vince giggled, “what?”

I replied, “your menacs from this morning …”

Vincent Blake shook his head. “It’s not about the playwright stuff. It is … The whole thing with either Logan or us … Ashley has never been afraid of Logan. She doesn’t deem him able to shout her against the wall.”

I scratched my busht skull.

Vince cntinued, “we should go to Ruckner and tell him about the exaggeration.”

I nodded solemnly.

Vince continued, “I wou;d not want Ashley to go through anything like that. It’s not fair to expect it from even younger Morgan.”

I nodded slowly.

After all, they were not out for destroying me for something.

Now Michael was waiting by the pool table, holding a long queue aloft.

I sighed. “what’s this going to be?”

Michael explained, “the ball will do this … then that … ”

It looked impossible.

But then I saw Matthew Palmer Noid cowering right over there in a dark corner.

His eyes were set on Michael’s pool ball.

He was certainly able to help with his telekinetic abilities.

I cried “foul!”

Matthew Palmer Noid whistled innocently. Then he disappeared at whim.

Michael coomplained. “I’ve paid him a fiver!”

I sighed. “Last offer, five bucks, and we forget about the stupid bet.”

Michael sighed deeply and accepted the bucks.

Along came Sam. She was consternated. “It’s still two days for Lola. Then he’ll do the usual.”

I knew this sort of threats. “What is the usual?”

Samantha went pale.

It was probably too bad for even Samantha Pucket’s stomach to bear.

69.5  Perilous stranger

The danger imposed by Carmine Puckett was still among us.

Needless to say, Lola had been unable to make 900 bucks.

Carly’s last hope was that of using the CChase-and-Michael Show in order to call for donations.

“Eben Sam is abhorred by Carmine’s practices,” admitted Carly,   that means a lot.

In this moment, Sam stumbled into our dormitory room.

Her face was still as pale as a snowman in the moon light.

I shook my head.

Sam wanted Fredward Benson to leave.

But he was our tech producer.

We could not call for donations without Freddie’s technical knowledge.

Carly tried to care for Sam.

Thus Michael had to talk the introductory words.

Fredward Benson counted down from five to two.

That was business as usual.

Michael explained the situation. “And so we are now left with less than a day in order to scratch the bucks together in order to save Lola.”

Sam forced herself into explaining, “or else Carmine will feign to forget about this, after having Lola sign a contract. But two years later …” She could not continue.

It was too terrible.

Tears poured down from Samantha’s face like the cataracts of Niagara.

Freddie was consternated,.“Sam? You’re weepingg?” He appeared seriously worried. Then he took Sam into his arms.

Sam could impossibly have feigned. Or else she would have punched Freddie back in this moment.

There was a viewer in our queue.

Freddie pushed a button.

It wasn’t easy to do.

Freddie didn’t forget about comforting the weeping tomboy.

A brown girl appeared on the screen. “Hello, I’m Claire Sawyer, future layer, from James K. Polk high school.”

We gasped.

Claire explained, “you can’t call for donations from kids. That’s illegal without anything appropriate in turn.”

I offered, “we may cut Michael’s pair of clack clack balls into pieces and …”

Michael protested vigorously.

I continued, “but Carmine may take hundreds of bucks from an inocent school girl without …”

Sam added, “the whole charity thing is a cover. It washes the money of his illegal activities.”

Claire gasped. “No, his actions aren’t legal either.”

Too bad, Claire was just a high school kid, and not yet a real lawyer.

But Carly had got an idea. “My grandpa from Yakima is a shark. He may employ Claire as a deputy, and then Lola may sue Carmine.”

Freddie and Sam still didn’t loosen their grips on each other.

Well, Lola could not yet sue without their parents’ permission.

But Dean Ruckner could do so.

Down to the statements of Melanie and Sam, Carmine Puckett was finally arrested and disposed with.

Chapter 70  Prom Dates

70.1  Vast horizons

Prom night was moving closer and closer.

I was already totally looking forward to taking Addie there.

The same was valid for Michael, having invited Wendy.

Mark del Figgalo and Brooke Margolin were still together.

This had not been a given.

I often had to mediate between the two of them.

But in the end it worked out as nicely as can be.

Unfortunately, there was some test in physics scheduled right before the prom.

There were other tests, too.

But that in physics was about scaring me to death.

Mr. Beringer’s way of explaining things was so abominably lame.

We did not really get the meaning.

This time, he kept on blathering about potential and kinetic energy.

Too bad, Quinn, Mindy, and Firewire were all gone.

Either of them would have known what to do.

Michael suggested to call Quinn and ask her for help.

I agreed on this.

My finger tips danced a tango on the key panel of the cellular phone.

Quinn picked up hers. “Quinn Pensky …”

I tried to explain the situation. “Beringer talks a lot of confused stuff about potential and kinetic energy. We can’t follow.”

Quinn yawned, “I learnt everything about it at the age of seven. But OK, a rollercoaster is a perfect example.” She kept on talking about the significance of energy in roller coasters.

Michael went pale.

II smiled. “Hey! A field trip to the Spine Twister over at Mystic Mountain would help.”

Quinn agreed wholeheartedly.

Michael started screaming like a complete idiot.

I wondered why. But I had to thank Quinn for her brilliant suggestion. I loved roller coasters.

Michael cringed and squealed even more.

Mark appeared indifferent.

I grabbed Michael, trying to shake him back to sanity.

But my attempt was too feeble.

Finally, my best friend admitted to being afraid of roller coasters. And he regretted having suggested to ask Quinn for help.

The fear of seeing endless horizons popping up out of nowhere, and disappearing in the middle of the land of nowhere at whim, held him ball and chain.

I sighed. I could not suggest a field trip to the roller coaster park.

It would have embarrassed Michael from Genesis to Apocalypsis and back.

But I wasn’t ready to give up on more interesting classes for physics, either.

So, what to do?

70.2  Emerald eternity

Of copurse we needed to get appropriately dressed for the prom night.

As usual, my most reliable source for appropriate outfit was Zoey Brooks. Unfortunately, the blond Mary Sue was still without a prom date.

That was such a pity.

She had been disappointed by a long list of boys during the last four years, especially including myself.

Addie and I, we were not the only ones expecting Zoey to make our outfit for the great evening.

Zoey was thus sinking in a morass of work.

Being without a partner for herself made Zoey feel increasingly miserable.

Addie felt not at ease for that. She might have asked her friend Geena Fabiano instead.

Of course, Geena lived across the continent.

This would have made it very improbable to work out.

But we may have tried.

Addie’s gown was full of fake emeralds.

She had told Zoey about her imagination of jealousy turning her into a green-eyed monster.

Thus Zoey had designed the gown as a warning for me to never dare to give Addie any reason for becoming jealous.

But Addie also really liked the colour of the feint jewels.

My suite, otherwise all black, was also going to be adorned with some sort of fake jewels.

Zoey did not tell me yet.

I slipped into the tuxedo suit. I really hated those things.

They appeared infinitely stiff, formal, and stupid.

I looked in them like a dressed monkey.

But Zoey had achieved making it feel as comfortable as only possible.

I had to think abourt Addie’s love for the emeralds, even fake ones.

Starting with the middle of the academic year, an idea was seizing my mind.

I wanted to show Addie my seriosity with a special gift, a promise ring.

And the gown showed me what to look for: A ring displaying an emerald.

I started featuring the moment of rendering the guft unto Addie , somewhere between junior prom night and my graduation from Pacific Coast Academy.

There was thus still about a year left to go.

Michael had likewise thought about a gift for Wendy in a similar vein.

Zoey moaned. She was close to collapsing.

Michael twitched all over while drying to slip into his suit. He was still scared by the thought of the rollercoaster.

I definitely needed to tell Quinn.

Anything else would have been unbearable.

But now I had got an idea tro exonerate Zoey somewhat. “Jerry Crony is a textile designer of some sort, too. He could take over …”

Zoey gasped. “Dang! You’re right! And he’s totally gifted.” She thought about leaving some of the outfits to Crony.

This was to be going to save her from a collapse.

Or so I hoped.

Zoey decided especially to push her roomies, viz. Lola and Stacey, as well as their partners, viz. Drake and Sinjin, away. “That’s better, anyways. There should be some surprise in it for them. But I have to make the gowns in my dorm. They would see it, spoiling the surprise.”

I nodded solemnly.

Of course, my emerald ring was going to be planned as a surprise for Addie, too.

70.3  Gazing upon the sky with dampened eyes

I walked across the camous, followed by Michael.

Like looked aloft in a not so gleeful manner.

It was certainly because of his fear of rollercoasters.

I sighed. “I won’t suggest Beringer to make a field trip to the hellish vehicle.”

Michael could not stop shivering. “That isn’t all …”

I wondered,“why not?”

Michael trembled. “Sooner or later, Wendy will find out. Exactly like about my other greatest fear, …”

I scratched my head.

Michael explained, “I’m afraid of stick-controlled cars. I’ve practised fior my license on a automatically controlled one. But dad gave me his classic automobile as a gift for my sixteenth birthday. And prom is around the corner.”

I shrugged.

Addie was soon going to start practising for her drivers’ license.

And her dad was afraid of stickswitchers, too.

That was not going to be fun.

I had to talk to Ben about the subject.

But what about the rollercoaster thing?

Michael would have died from a roller coaster trip.

But both of us would have gone insane over boring physics lessons.

Thus I decided to talk to Quinn again. I picked up my cell phone.

Quinn did not waste a moment, talking about potential and kinetic energy of a rollercoaster.

But I had to tell her about Michael’s fear. “Is there another why to demonstrate the same thing?”

Michael started playing with his clacker balls, making my head hurt.

Quinn explained, “a pendulum does … may you hear me? There’s some stupid background noise.”

I commanded Michael to interrupt his clackering parade.

Quinn gasped. “Clackers? Hey, clackers are about the same as colliding penduli. That’s a lot of physics: potential energy, kinetic energy, collision, conservation of momentum, …”

I gasped. “Hey! That’s great!”

Michael held his pair of clackers aloft.

I gazed up to the sky with awe, staring right at the clackers. “the clackers have saved us from boring physics lessons!”

70.4  Leaves of amber

Mr. Beringer had accepted our suggestion of using the clacker bballs for demostrating physics.

This was the first interesting class in physics since middle school.

The next day, we were back to our dorm. We had heard the latest prom date news.

Dana had ordered a ‘perfect’ gown for her prom dinner with Logan Reese.

Maris Bingham was about making it from most expensive materials.

They were probably going to look down on our cheap emerald imitations.

But by no means was this going to decrease our joys.

Vince Blake and Shelby Marx were also going to get their outfit designed by Maris.

Wendy stumbled in, strutting with her gown.

It was adorned with leave-shaped pieces of amber.

Well, it wasn not authentic amberm butartificial resine.

The emeralds of Addie’s gown were not real, either.

But you know that already.

But they fit perfectly.

Wendy explained, “Nicole is going to style my hair for the prom. What do you think best? Long, wavy hair or braidlets?”

I sighed. “Truly spoken, I’m not a fan of Ashley’s hair.”

It was long and wavy.

I added, “But iy may fit to you.”

Michael nodded. “As he says, … and some sparkling facepoweder.”

Wendy nodded solemnly.

Addie was going to take care of her own hair.

I did not trust Nicole, either.

The bimbo wench was easily distracted by bypassing cute boys.

Nicole and Nicholas had to ordser their gowns from Olivary Biallo, aka Jerry Crony.

Michael shuddered with disgust.

Mark walked in, presenting us proudly his self-knit prom vest.

I refrained politely from commenting about it.

Wendy started a new topic. “Have you seen last Oprah Winfrey’s?”

I shook my head.

But Michael nodded vigorously. “Sleeveless Oprah looks hot!”

Wendy forgave him that. She even nodded. “Oprah has already helped many people to overcome their fears.”

Michael went pale.

Wendy shrugged. “It doesn’t matter whether you’re afraid of ninjas with chopsticks or of bugs. We can go to Oprah’s. I’m afraide of quite a few things, too.”

Michael gasped. “The two of us at Oprah’s?”

Wendy smiled with glee. “Just the two of us … and millions of viewers will watch us.”

Michael gurgled. He was afraid of the public.

But Wendy understood that. “I don’t want to be a star for that reason. Thus I’m glad to be in the background and work for stars as a music producer. The public is one of my greatest fears.”

Michael admitted, “yeah, a lot of public makes me nervous.”

Wendy suggested, “But we would be together. And with you by my side, I feel less fear.”

Michael started melting. “Same here.”

Now we just needed to get them a place at Opra Winfrey’s, complete with their amber-adorned prom outfit.

70.5  A four leaf clover

My prom outfit was finally complete.

Zoey was now fitting it. “So, you really want an emerald ring for Addie?”

I nodded. “A fake emerald is certainly OK. Just the colour must be the same.”

Zoey nodded solemnly. I may design one for you.

I smiled. “Would you do that?”

Zoey panted exorbitantly due to rallthose outfits top prepare. “After prom, maybe. I haven’t yet planned for my summer break. So there might be some occasion to do so.”

I cheered.

Zoey wondered, “Have you got an idea about the shape of the crystal?”

I gasped. Truth said, I had not yet thought about it.

There were voices at the door.

Zoey opened. “Aw, hi Crony!” She smiled.

Crony grinned. “I’ve just sewed three more suits. This one is for Lisa Perkins and her boyfriend Harper Harris1.”

Zoey sighed for relief. “Thank you so much! I’m really sinking in the morasses of prom preparations.”

I asked, “have you finally found a partner for the prom?”

Zoey moaned for consternation, “no way! Trottman asked me out, but he’s horrible.”

I nodded solemnly.

Crony was about leaving again.

I had got a very stupid idea. maybe I should not have intervened. But I yelled, “wait, Crony, have you already been asked out for prom?”

Olivary Jerome Crony Biallo shopok his head.

I remarked, “OK, Zoey has got something important to ask you.”

Crony smiled. “More gowns and suiots to make?”

Zoey blushed. “Erm …” She glared at me. But then she concluded, “OK, Crony, would you mind being my prom partner?”

Crony gasped. “Whether I want? Sure!” He beamed brightly and bounced around.

Zoey was surprised.

I better got my hindside out of there. But I had also made up my mind concerning the ring.

An emerald crystal shaped like a four-leaved clover would have been great.

1
Harper is the afroamerican band teenage leader in iCarly : iCarly Saves Television.

The surname hads been chosen in alnalogy to same actor’s character in Victorious

Chapter 71  Junior Prom

71.1  A golden shield

Finally, the day of our junior prom was here.

Traditionally, the pupils were going to vote for prom queen and prom king.

The winners were granted a golden shield with the crest of the school, a stringray.

Of course, the shield was not really golden.

It was just made of a plaster cast adorned with fool’s gold.

But this did not diminish the value of the title of a prom king or a prom queen.

As for the girl, there was not much of a choice.

Only two of our girls had been suggested for the prestigious title: Zoey Brooks and Lola Martinez.

Unfortunately, Stacey Dillsen had hoped for the same honours. But she had been denied rudely.

After her parents’ recent divorce, this was very rude.

And now she was weeping all night through.

Of course I was still able to relate to that.

Like myself, Stacey had been sent to a boarding school in order to hide her parents’ increasing troubles and warfare from her.

The top of the iceberg had emerged from the depths of the oceans just a few weeks before the prom.

Summing it up, none of the girls would have deserved the title of a prom queen more than Stacey Dillsen for standing through the whole fuss about her parents’ divorce without going completely insane.

I liked Zoey Brooks, and I liked Lola Martinez.

But justice would have told everyone to let Stacey win the golden shield.

There was even less of a choice for the boys.

As aforementioned, Vince Blake had secured the biggest success for the football team since quite a few decades.

Nobody would have dared to vote against him at all.

His proud little sister was now pestering me with these old news forever and one day.

It made me really sick.

I would never have wanted to make it to being a prom king, anyways.

It was exactly like that stupid hobknocker club, The Silver Hammers.

71.2  Another fine mess

We had hired a band, consisting of people named Blake, Dirk, and Suezée1.

Drake Parker would have loved to provide the music for our prom ball, along with his band.

But there was one big problem.

Drake was Lola’s prom date.

And our favourite future Hollywood star was not exactly a fan of being in time.

Thus Lola and Drake had been out for dinner at Chambrolay’s.

Officially, Lola Martinez, class president of the juniors, would have opened the prom.

But in her absence, Michael started the whole thing. He had recently gone through hell trying to learn riding a stick-controlled car.

Dustin, Carly, Freddie, and Sam were responsible for the snacks and drinks.

Ben had not got the time to do that.

Alas, Carly’s eyes bugged out.

Addie noticed that. “What’s wrong?”

Carly whispered unto us, “listen! I know those instruments.”

I shrugged.

Carly continued, “they have been stolen.”

Dustin gasped. “who owns them really?”

Carly sighed. “Spencer. He had built them from trash. It was hard work.”

I asked, “Spencer plays hard rock?”

Carly shrugged. “Whatever he plays, he plays it poorly.” She hated herself for having shown little appreciation for her brother’s music.

But what did it matter?

Spencer’s poor hardrock skill did not entitle anyone to steal his instruments.

He must have invested quite a few efforts into building the stuff from junk.

We needed to do something about it.

Finally, Drake ands Lola were back, with their arms tightly wrapped around each other.

Dustin interrupted them. “Drake, this band is a bunch of deceivers and thieves.”

It took Drake a few minutes in order to turn aware of Dustin’s words.

Carly followed her boyfriend. “Those guys have stolen Spencer’s drum set.”

Drake gasped. “OK, sorry, Lola, but this is no fun. There is a strict code among us rock bands, And stealing instruments from your fellow bands is not tolerated.”

Lola stood tall and nodded. “Yeah, hold the thieves!”

The evil guys noticed finally about the ongoing troubles. They tried to flee.

Fortunately, their instruments were way too big to be not an obstacle for their flight.

They had to leave them behind in order to save their sore butts. But they still had the money on themselves.

We had had to pay them in advance.

And the hunt was on.

Carly called her cousin Megan on her cellular phone.

To our surprise, Megan had already alerted custodian Gordy and Benjamin Singer, calling them for backup.

A few minutes later, the thieves were stuck in weasel traps.

But, of course, we were now left without music for the prom night.

Carly suggested, “OK, Drake, Spencer wouldn’t mind his favourite cousin using his instruments.”

Drake niodded. “OK, but I have promised Lola to be with her for the whole evening.”

Lola sighed. “I may sit on your lap, inspiring you to perform even better.”

Drake accepted the challenge.

Alas, Drake alone could not entertain the whole bunch.

Fortunately, Lisa Perkins helped him.

Her prom partner Harper Harris2, a gifted reggae rock guitarist and fellow participant of America Sings, backed her up.

But they needed to practise a bit for that unexpected performance.

A lot of chaos had seized the whole bunch of prom participants.

Were Drake and his new partners going to put up with their promises?

71.3  A time for tenderness

Being without a band for maybe an hour or two was a serious problem for the whole evening.

We left the prom hall.

Dana Cruz was still waiting for her Logan.

Maris Bingham’s design was absolutely breathtaking.

Logan had not been able to get away from his school early enough.

Logan’s arrivel was now to be expected any time.

But he had not yet missed out on much, anyays.

Alas, there he was.

The biggest limousine ever seen on the parking lot of Pacific Coast Academy was halted in that very moment.

Butler Chaunsee escorted his boss’s son.

Logan had got the most expensive suits of all the participants. Also, he appeared to wait for some other vehicle to arrive.

Dana walked up to him.

Her heart beat like a sledge hammer.

Finally, a delivery van arrived.

Chaunsee talked to the driver.

Then Logan commanded them to treat the cargo more carefully.

The van’s backdoor was opened, reveiling a huge load of red roses.

Dana’s eyes bugged out.

Of course, Dana wasn’t able to carry them all.

Logan shrugged.

Many curious kids were standing around the parking lot.

Logan offered them a huge amount bucks in order to carry the bouquets into Dana’s dormitory room.

Dana sighed for awe. Then she snuggled up to Logan.

The jerk wrapped his armstightly around Dana.

But the latter had still got another surprise. “Ok, now turn around!”

Logan gasped. But he obeyed, anyways. “Morgan!”

His little half-sister raced towards him at the speed of a freshly-greased flash of lightening.

Logan had a heard time withstanding the impact of Morgan’s leap into his arms.

Dana smiled. “Dean Ruckner gave her the permission to stay up all night with us.”

Morgan was also going to help out Dustin, Carly, Freddie, and Sam at the snack booth.

Dana and Logan took Morgan into their midst.

Thereupon the three of them walked away for some time.

At the same time, many helpers had achieved to dfeposit all the roses in Dana’s dormitory roiom.

Too bad there was not much place left for Dana and her room pals.

But this did not really matter.

The girls were most likely to stay up all night long, anyways.

Finally, Drake, Lisa, Harper, and Lola were ready to continue the celebrations.

We walked back to the proom hall.

71.4  Portrait in black

The chaos in the hall was too big.

Thus Addie and I decided to make a bit slower.

There was another reason for not rushing.

My dark suit was a bit encumbering.

It still pinched every now and then.

Addie giggled noisily and tickled me on top of all that.

Maria Hughes and Josh Nichols were waiting at the entrance.

Josh greeted me, asking, “hi Chase, Maria and I, we are making pictures of our fellow prom guys. Are you interested.”

I looked atAddie.

She smiled and nodded solemnly.

I agreed. “How much?”

Maria had apparently not been up to requesting money.

But I deemed a little donation for the hungry artists in order and spared a buck.

Maria used charcoal.

Thus a suit with fancy colours would not have made much of a difference, anyways,

We needed to move into a different spot.

Josh explained, “The light is much better over there.”

Maria said, “I may add colours in the next days, if you want. But tonight, there are several other couples interested in getting it done.”

I nodded solemnly.

Of course, most kids were eager on preserving a few visual memories of their prom night.

Most of them used photographs.

But a hand-made portrait was certainly something very special.

Josh started talking about something called shape from shading.

How much information about the shape of a three-dimensional object could be reveiled by shades?

Quinn has sometimes made me look dumbfounded by asserting. “there are no more points in three-dimenional space than in a plane.”

I had always got a hard time believing her. I also did not understand the tech talk of Josh.

But this didn’t matter.

I came to see, “My plays are a lot like shades of my thoughts. How much could the onlooker watching my plays come to discover about it?”

Thus, after all, Josh’s talk has made me ponder, no matter what.

71.5  By midnight’s favor

We were now back to the dancing floor.

Drake and his auxiliary band performed perfectly, their short period of common practice notwithstanding.

Wendy and Michael kept on talking about Michael’s brand new old car.

Michael had actually learned to drive it. But how had he done that? He mentioned stuff like “stir the tuna! Squish the grapes!”

Wendy always grinned. “Hey! That’s cool!”

I did not understand.

But Wendy didn’t mind.

It was already around midnight.

The suspense increased.

The declaration of the prom court was scheduled for midnight.

There was probably some delay to be added due to the turmoil caused by the band of thieves and the practice of the emergency-born substitute band.

I wanted to fix another bagel.

Alas, the snacks were all gone.

Wonder where?

Samantha Puckett rubbed her belly and started belching.

Toxic gases filled the air.

We should have seen that coming.

You don’t hire the wolf as a shepherd, do you?

Samantha grinned with mischief.

Dustin Brooks and Carly Shay decided to go and fetch new snacks from Benjamin Singer’s storage.

This caused a bit of disquiet among the prom teenies. But it was not too bad, especially when compared to the turmoil triggered by the band of thieves.

By the way, Dean Ruckner had called officer Garcia3 and let them arrest the robbers and cheaters.

Stacey and Sinjin had been dancing all time long, not interrupted by the whole mayhem.

But now Stacey was sad about the lack of corndogs. She wanted them with mustard, anyways.

Finally, Carly and Dustin showed up with new supplies.

These events prompted Zoey to ask for the exclamation of the prom king and the prom queen.

Mr. Bender was responsible for this task. He called the postulants to his table.

Unfortunately, Lola had been falling asleep on Drake’s lap. She felt exorbitantly comfortable right over there and was now impossible to be stirred awake.

Zoey moaned, “wake up, you lazu chick!”

But it was for no avail.

Mr. Bender shrugged. He took an envelope and opened it. “OK, for the first time in twenty-five years, our judges had been urged to choose someone not on the list. And the winner is
textellipsis Stacey Dillsen!”

Zoey glared for dismay and disbelief. She pouted to no end. But she was going to understand the whole thing one day. She remembered the times spent with comforting me even over a year after the fatal message concerning my parents’ failed marriage.

Stacey gave Mr. Bender model of the campus, made from cotton swabs, polyresines, and grizzly glue. Then she bounced around, cheering like nobody’s business.

I shrugged. As aforementioned, I thought this totally justified.

It was also a sort of late vindication for all my aforementioned troubles to go through.

But did Stacey have to exaggerate like this? Well, it was Stacey.

Enough said.

1
this identifies the prom band from Zoey 101 : Chasing Zoey with the arrogant band from iCarly : iAm Your Biggest Fan
2
from iCarly : iCarly Saves TV

the surname is taken from same actor’s character in Victorious

3
from Bigtime Rush : Big Time Break

Chapter 72  Mr. Takato

1

72.1  Rippling tide

I met Zoey again the noon after.

She appeared to be over her disappointment. But she had got some news. “My dad knows the manager of Chambrolay.”

I shrugged. “Good for your dad.”

Zoey chuckled. “Well, they also have got a branch on Maui.”

I scratched my bushy head ornations. “Who or what is Maui?”

Zoey grinned. “That’s an one of the islands of Hawaii.”

I sighed. “Cool! Even more sun and beach than here. And well-tanned surfers. I mean … southern California is all warm and sunny and sandy, but …”

Zoey nodded. “Their branch is right at the beach. And they need a beach guard. Dad arranged me a job at Maui’s Chambrolay’s.”

I wondered, “what sort of job?”

Zoey grinned, “as a bay watch, of course.” Zoey had worked in similar positions already in southern Louisiana. She had already saved several kids and older people from the waves and the sharks. Too bad she didn’t yet have to mouth-to-mouth rescuscitate some suitable guy of her age.

I asked, “so … where’s the problem?”

Zoey explained, “I may take someone with me.”

I smiled. “That’s cool!”

Zoey shrugged. “But whom?”

I scratched my chin. “Lola would certainly love Hawaii.”

Zoey sighed deeply. “She has to tutor one of her cousins during the summer breaks.”

I moaned, “which cousin?”

Zoey shrugged. “Probably Trina or Tori. Does it matter?”

“Trina is a creep,” I grunted.

Zoey moaned, “of course she is! But Lola can’t choose her relatives.”

I nodded solemnly. “Yeah, and that’s too bad.”

Zoey agreed wholeheartedly.

Thence I suggested, “how about Quinn?”

Zoey shook her head. “I’ve talked to her three weeks ago. She has got an internship at software colossus Megahard2 near Seattle.”

I sighed. “Dustin would sure love Hawaii.”

Zoey moaned, “he goes to Seattle with Quinn. This makes him closer to a certain girl from downtown Seattle.”

Of course I understood Dustin’s wish to meet Carly during the summer break.

Zoey then wondered, “you’ve talked a lot more to Jerry Crony. Would he come with me to Hawaii? Do you thik so?”

I choked.

Was good old Olivary Biallo more than just an emergency solution for junior prom?

Zoey grabbed me and shoo me hard. “Come on! What do you think about Crony?”

I stammered, “that would be cool!”

Zoey smiled. “Thanks for your approval! But what will he think about my suggestion?”

I kept on stammering, “maybe … you have to ask him … to find out?”

Zoey glared at me.

I twitched.

72.2  Mystery

It took Michael until afternoon in order to wake up again.

Wendy had not been staying by his side during the whole night. She wanted to tell her excited roomies Megan and Ashley about everything.

Michael, on the other hand, was ready to demonstrate his freshly acquired skills as a stickswitch driver. “Stir the tuna! Squeeze the grapes!” He kept on sayiong those magic words over and over again.

I wondered, “what happenbed to you? Is this your new slogan?”

Michael nodded solemnly.

I shrugged. “OK, if you’ve got fun with it.”

Michael added, “hey, Mr. Takato taught me to drive my car this way.”

I scratched my chin. “Erm, Mr. Who?”

Michael replied, “Mr. Takato, an old Japanese guy.”

I shrugged cluelessly.

Michael explained, “using the switch stick is like using a spoon in order to blend fish, vegetables, and sauce. Using the pedals of the car is like stomping on grapes with your fewet.”

I nodded solemnly. “That sounds cool.” I was still unable to drive any car, no matter whether stick or auto.

Riding a bike was still a hell of a peril for me.

Michael nodded solemnly. “I can teach you.”

I sighed. I had to overcome my fear of riding a car.

Likewise, Michael was still awaiting to overcome his fear of rollercoasters.

But who was Mr. Takato really?

Michael told me, “He’s a math teacher at Pacific Coast Academy middle school. But nobody wants to believe me.”

I asked, “does he teach Wendy?”

Michael sighed. “She doesn’t know him. But at least she believes in Takato’s existence. That’s much more than anyone else does.”

I felt a lot of relief.

It was impossible to live with a girlfriend not sharing your belief.

Thus I was infinitely lucky for Michael having Wendy instead of some wench like Lisa Perkins.

But I was still curious about the nature of Mr. Takato.

What mystery was he going to hide?

We only knew him to be very old and of Japanese ethnicity.

72.3  Leap of faith

We had looked through the yearbooks in the library.

Nowhere was there a trace of any Mr. Takato having taught here as a math teacher for middle school kids.

Dustin denied the existence of such a teacher, too.

The same was done by Megan, Ashley, Shelby, Carly, Freddie, Sam, Melanie, Jack, Henry, Scooter, and on and on and on it went.

I had to take Michael’s words on faith. But I believed him, no matter what.

Michael was an artist of the sound.

I was an artist of the lyrics.

We both had our inspirations, our muses.

Nobody else could ever see them, touch them, taste them, or hear them.

But we believed in them, anyways.

So, why should Mr. Takato have been seen in any different manner?

Last but not least, we tried, as a final straw, to cling to his usage of tuna.

The easiest way for anyone to get at tuna on the campus of Pacific Coast Academy was tyhat of asking Kazu in Sushi Rox.

And that was our next idea.

So, here we sat in front of Kazu’s counter.

Kazu asked, “how were the sushi snacks at your prom banquet?”

Michael nodded. “They were excellent, just as usual.”

Kazu bowed low.

I dared to ask, “Kazu, have yopu recently seen an old man ordering raw tuna?”

Michael added, “and onions, and white egg dressing?”

The latter were also available in other shops or the cafeteria.

kazu just smiled. “Sre you looking for my great uncle Takato?”

I glared at Michael.

He glared back at me.

Why did we not have to arrive at this on our own?

Michael squealed, “you know Mr. Takato?”

Kazu nodded. “he’s a bit strange. But he has taught me many things, such as stirring tuna. Do you want to see?”

Michael shook his head with all his vigour. “Thanks, but that’s not necessary.” Of course he was oversatisfied with stirring tuna.

And I feared to be the same after a few lessons of driving the stick-switch car. “I’m more into battered tempura, as of recently.”

Michael nodded solemnly. “Me too!”

Kazu also explained, “really, Takato has already left Los Angeles this morning. He sometimes delivers tuna, onions, and sauces for Sushi Rox. Everything is hand-made, best quality.”

We smiled brightly.

Alas, this had not done anything to explain Mr. Takato’s claim of being a math teacher at our middle school.

Some surprises were probably still awaiting us.

72.4  Shackles of the mind

It was time for my first car lesson.

Of course there was one problem.

Michael had got a license, but he was only seventeen years old, thus not a responsible adult in any sense of the word.

Hence we had to ‘kidnap’ Coco and squeeze her into the back of our car.

She squealed like a fury.

Addie gave me a kiss on the nose right before starting the car. “Don’t hit too many trees. Zach would get upset at you.”

I chuckled politely.

That was a good one.

Michael climbed the passenger’s seat.

I fastened my saftey belt.

Mark del Figgalo limped across our way, using crutch sticks.

Michael had given him lessons just a few hours ago.

Was that something to worry about?

Michael started reciting the magic formula.

I made the engines howl, and Coco scream along with them.

But there was now no way back.

The car actually moved.

I saw a switch position labelled “B”. “The B stands for Boost, right?” I wanted to ride faster.

Michael shook his head. “Not quite, it stands for …”

But it was too late.

I had already moved the switch stick.

Bang! Boom!

Smoke protruded from the motor cover.

“That was the backward position,” explained consternated Michael. “But I know that mistake too well.”

Coco’s squeals turned unbearable.

Fortunately, the car was not yet left beyond repair.

Alas, I started learning pretty fast.

Takato’s formula was great.

I was not too clumsy or too slow.

The main problem was amental one.

Takato’s exercises had helped Michael to free his mind.

Finally, it did the same to mine, allowing me to learn to ride the car.

72.5  Faces in the clouds

That eventful academic year had finally come to an end.

I had wished Zoey and Crony good luck for their trip to Hawaii.

Imagining Zoey in hula outfit made me giggle to no end.

Our plane to New York City took off into the cloudy sky.

I was going to another summer camp with Addie, out in the forests of Upstate.

Furthermore, we had invited Stacey to come with us.

This was going to help her to get over the painful separation of her parents.

Addie was also going to see Zach and Geena.

The two of them were now apart of them.

Addie hated being the comforter for her friends. She had always seen that coming.

Honestly, I had been of the same opinion.

Zach was a total ecopacifist,

Geena like colourful and smelly cosmetics of all sorts, and she did not care about the ecologiccal blunder caused by the cosmetic idustry.

How was such a couple supposed to survive? Plain answer: It wasn’t.

It was all their appropriate comeuppance.

But, of course, their separation was only their problem.

Fortunately they had not yet had any babies.

We passed some clouds.

They really looked lile faces grinning at us earth dwellers with mischief.

Stacey, sitting right before us, felt very much inspired. “The clouds remind me of the fluffy ends of my cotton swabs, don’t you belief that, too?”

The question was directed to her seat neighbour, Jake Beheri.

Thew latter was about as annoyed by Stacey’s obsessions as everyone else.

But he was tolerant enough to stay polite, as totally opposed to drama queens like Lola Martinez.

Stacey added, “I should make a cotton swab sculpture of those clouds. That would be cool, right?”

“Certainly,” replied Jake. He wiped some sweat off his face. During the last months, he had grown somewhat jealous of James Garrett. Jake would have liked Melanie Puckett a lot. He was now disappointed by not having fessed up unto her before the arrival of James. As of recent, he had been trying to switch to aforementioned Molly Tolbertson, but it had not yet been for any avail.

The grinning clouds appeared to follow us all the way to New York City. They were preventing me from seeing the Broadwayfrom above.

Was that a bad omen for my envisioned career as a playwright at the Broadway?

1
Takato only appears in Zoey 101 : Chasing Zoey, the elderly Japanese guy teaching Michael
2
spoof off Microsoft

Chapter 73  Into The Last Year

73.1  Sleeping storm

The summer break was already over.

The summer camp had been a lot of fun, even for Stacey.

But we were now ready to return to California.

Ben Singer was only going to join us two weeks later, the begin of his college’s academic year.

The year in front of us was my senior year at Pacific Coast Academy.

I didn’t care about good marks and SAT-tests and all that crap.

But my last year was most likely to become a very hard one, anyways.

Many of my pals were going to be stressed beyond reason.

And this has always made all of us suffer.

So, this year was hardly going to be any different, but much worse.

So I expected a very stormy time.

Likewise, our flight was overshadowed by warnings of cyclons in the centre of the USA.

The air administration did not decide to cancel all cross-continental flights.

But we were prepared for having to take a longer detour, and even to be forced to touch town in some hitherto unbeknownst town.

Addie was also excited. She was only in her junior year.

But this did not prevent her from trembling about the future.

After this one year, I was probably going to be separated from my sweetie for quite some time.

These prospects suggested us to cherish the time still at our hand as much as only possible.

There was not much to do about it.

Stacey had fortunately been falling fast asleep.

A few new kids were thoroughly excited.

And, like the year before, I was responsible for them.

This wasn’t an easy task.

Some of them were terribly frightened by the prospects of awakening tempests. They even started vomiting all over the plane.

I had to calm them down.

There were permanent announces concerning the changes of schedules and routes.

73.2  I thought you were alive

Not unexpected, we arrived at Los Angeles with a delay of several hours due to the need of avoiding tempests.

My bones and my marrow were still shaking even after touching down safely.

And then there were my first steps of my last year on the campus.

Of course I wanted to greet my friends.

The delay had kind of distorted my plans, though.

Michael and Mark had been ready for over an hour already.

I met Addie in order to stroll the campus and meet a few old and new kids.

On our way to Sushi Rox, we saw Zoey Brooks sitting sadly on the rim of the campus fountain. We shrugged and walked up to her.

I asked, “is something wrong, Zoey?”

She just sobbed sadly.

I wondered, “how was the trip to Hawaii and back?”

Zoey didn’t achieve talking.

Addie wondered, “was Crony …”

Zoey shook her head. “No way! Crony was wonderful …”

I asked, “and your job at the beach of Hotel Chambrolay?”

Zoey started weeping.

Addie hugged Zoey. “What happened?”

Only slowly did Zoey start to talk, “I was trying to save someone from the waves … I had to swim for half a mile … but … when I reached him …”

Tears poured down from Zoey’s face like the waters of the cataract of Niagara.

Zoey tortured herself into completing her words, inspite of Addie’s painstaking efforts of comforting her, “he was already dead …”

Ouch!

This must have hurt like hell. It was probably the worst nightmare of a life guard.

Of course it was nowhere near Zoey’s fault.

It may happen to any life guard.

To make it worse, the whole catastrophe occurred right at the begin of Zoey’s shift.

A little later, she admitted to not having yet talked about it, not to Crony, not to her parents, and not to Dustin, either.

But now she was traumatised for quite a while.

It was better for me to tell Lola about it and admonishing her to be careful.

Zoey was now likely to suffer from nightly horror trips whenever remembering the accident on Maui.

Alaso, I needed to talk to Dustin about it.

Zoey needed him now more than ever before.

I knew Dustin to have grown strong enough to be there for his elder sister, especially in such a phase.

Zoey had never believed that. She still deemed Dustin a helpless little kid.

Now it was time for Dustin to prove the contrary unto his elder sister.

Likewise, someone had to tell Crony about it.

Jake Beheri offered himself for that task.

I sighed deeply.

This had not been a nice start into our last academic year.

73.3  Guardian

Carly Shay met me in the cafeteria. She was not alone. “Hi, Chase! You really aleady know Spencer, my brother?”

I gasped.

Several years had gone by since our common summer camp, Camp Country.

Spencer was hardly recognisable any more.

His hair had grown a bit longer.

Spencer sighed. “Chase!” He had got less problems recognising me. “Still as bushy as ever!”

I grinned and nodded while leaping forward in order to hug Carly’s elder brother.

Carly shrugged. She felt a bit left out.

Thence we took her into our midst.

Now she complained about not being able to breathe.

We thus had to loosen our hug.

Carly giggled. “I like watching huggling boys.”

Alas, I had to interrupt the fun.

Carly already looked forward.

Then I told them about the incident on Maui.

Carly was consternated. “Oh no, itr had been looking so perfect for Zoey, the last-minute prom partner and two weeks on the most dreamy of all pacific islands.” She sobbed.

I explained, “She has only talked to me and Addie, just a few minutes ago. Dustin and her roomies don’t yet know about it. I need now to prepare Dustin for the next time. It won’t be easy.”

Carly nodded sadly. “I’m going to be with you.”

Spencer shrugged. He was going to help, as well. “I’ve been Carly’s official guardian from the time of the start of dad’s submarine trip. But often enough, Carly was more or less my guardian, if cou know what I mean.”

I looked aghast.

Carly snickered. But she changed her mood. “Sorry, I better concentrate on telling Dustin.”

I nodded solemnly. “Zoey will turn eightee in a few months. And then she wants to be Dustin’s guardian. She has to be very strong for that.”

“Indeed,” boasted Spencer, “we elder, experienced siblings have to tell our younger siblings the way to go.”

Carly poked Spencer. “Don’t listen to him,” told me Carly, speaking almost in whispers. “Do you want to talk alone to Dustin first, or …”

I scratched my chin. “It’s safer with you and Spencer by my side.”

Spencer nodded solemnly.

I added, “especially with Carly.”

Spencer pouted somewhat.

We also noticed a few new kids on our way out.

Carly told me about one of them. “This is Katie Knight, an elemetary school girl from Minneapolis. I have helped her finding her way around.”

I shook hands with Katie.

She grinned with mischief, almost like young Megan. She was the younger sister of aforementioned Kendall Knight, also new here.

But ow we had to move on in order to find Dustin.

73.4  Crawling nightmare

We found Dustin in his lounge.

His friends Scooter and Henry were by his side.

Carly snuggled the living hell out of Dustin. “Aw!”

Dustin relaxed in Carly’s brittle arms. He had grown a lot during the summer break. At Carly’s first arrival, he had been shorter than her by about a whole foot.

Now they were of almost equal size.

This was astonishing.

Carly smiled. “With Dustin’s increased size,more girls will like him. Fortunately I’ve taken my chance on him before this happened.”

Now all the other girls having ignored Dustin for his minor size were going to envy Carly.

But we had to move on to aforementioned more serious business.

I stammered, “Dustin, you’ve seen Zoey after her return from Hawaii, didn’t you?”

Dustin nodded. “We’ve spend the last ten days at uncle Jeff’s.”

Jeff was Dr. Glazer, our school’s medic and monocygotic twin brother of Dustin’s and Zoey’s dad.

I panted heavily. “Have you noticed anything unusual about your sister?”

Dustin gasped. “Not much. She didn’t really talk a lot ever since.”

I sighed.

Foertunately, Carly picked it up and told Dustin about the accident at Maui Beach.

Dustin was consternated.

Carly wrapped her arms tightly around Dustin. “You have to be strong for your sister, will you?”

Dustin nodded slowly.

I added, “It was not Zoey’s fault. Her shift started only when it was probably too late, anyways.”

Dustin sighed deeply. But he promised to be there for Zoey.

Wendy stumbled in.

Addie had just told her about Zoey’s misery.

Wendy sat down next to Dustin. “That’s terrible. Zoey will have a lot of nightmares. There was once an episode in Oprah Winfrey’s with a similar topic. The daughter of a woman in a situation quite similar to Zoey’s current one almost despaired, too.”

Dustin sobbed sadly.

Wendy had already informed Michael. “He will tell Lola about it.”

I sighed with relief.

The Hollywood diva could sometimes be very odd and terse at times, especially when talking about catastrophes. She sounded almost cynical, but she was not really like that. She was just a bit naïve.

In any case, I was glad avbout Michael’s decision to volunteer for said awkward task.

Other kids bounded in.

Sandy Baldwin sighed. It was her first year at this school without her elder sister Tracy, now an alumna. “I never had to be there for Tracy as much as Dustin needs to be there for Zoey. And I doubt to be able to do so.”

Dustin panted heavily. He stayed strong, anyways.

73.5  She’s burning up

It was now time to be back on our dorms for the night.

The first curfew of the year was slightly after midnight.

Mark Del Figgalo was already asleep.

I asked Michael, “have you talked to Lola already?”

Michael nodded.

Something appeared to be wrong.

I wondered, “so, will she help Zoey to get over it?”

Michael tried to be evasive.

I grabbed him and shook him. “Come on!”

Michael sighed. “OK, Lola has gone completely insane. She screamed her lungs into tiny smithereens and wasting her mind completely.”

I gasped.

Of course Lola had feigned more than just one scream.

But acting in such a situation would have been totally disrespectful to Zoey’s current woes.

This would not have been any good, either.

So, either way, be it extreme shock or extreme disrespect, Lola’s reaction was the worst case scenario.

Now two third of 101 Brenner Hall were stuck in mental trouble.

And Stacey had always been a bit weird. And she was still not completely over her parents’ separation.

Two roomies gone insane were a hard and contagious problem for Stacey.

Was the cotton swab queen able to deal with it?

Sinjin was not really going to be of much of a help.

And the problem was hardly going to stop at the doors, walls, and windows of 101 Brenner Hall.

Dana and Nicole were not unlikely to get exposed to the whole trouble and start their old war again.

In a few weeks, there was going to be our graduation trip.

At the end of last year, Dean Ruckner had chosen a trip in a yellow submarine1. But he had done so because of the great responsibility and good influence of Zoey Brooks on all of her fellow kids, and especially the realiable axis Zoey Brooks – Lola Martinez.

Aforementioned incidents struck this confidence harshly.

Was our graduation trip doomed?

There was not much time left for saving the situation.

1
allusion to as song by The Beatles not owned by me

Chapter 74  Dormitory Terror

74.1  Death by imagination

The next days, things started turning even worse.

With the passage of the hours, Zoey’d depressions grew more and more.

Likewise, the tension had also increased Lola’s hostility towards Stacey.

Dustin and Crony tried their best. But they could not stand up for Zoey past curfews.

Lola, on the other hand, had got all night left for making Zoey feel even worse, using her naïvity and her hysterical demeanour.

Zoey’s nightmares of the corpse in the waves found no end. Sooner or later, they were going to kill Zoey as well.

Dustin moaned, “should I tell mom and dad about it?”

It was very hard for him to find an appropriate time of the day for calling to London.

Dustin did propably not want to bother his parents without a very good reason. He explained, “maybe mom will be worried enough to come over and look after Zoey.”

I shrugged. “She should be worried.”

Dustin nodded. “I know. But it was dad’s idea to send Zoey to Hawaii for that summer job.”

I wondered, “and so?”

Dustin explained, “mom will accuse dad of being the culprit of Zoey’s misery. And I’m not so sure whether …”

I gasped. “Do you think them able to break up over such a thing?”

Dustin nodded. “Now I know one thing: The whole thing with London had been dad’s attempt of saving his marriage, kind of like starting over. They had started living apart, due to both of them working too much.”

I sighed deeply.

The catastrophe between my parents had started in a similar manner.

I dudn’t know about Stacey’s family.

But the whole thing appeared to be awfully contagious.

Whatever the situation, we were morally obliged to inform Dustin’s and Zoey’s parents.

Sooner or later, either Dr. Glazer or the school administration would have done this, anyways.

Without this, Zoey would have thought herself painfully to death.

On the other hand, imagining being the cause of trouble between, and potentially effecting a separation of, her parents would have killed Zoey even in the case of surviving the nightmares caused by the failed salvation over on Maui.

We were so totally holding the wolf by the ears.

74.2  Letters and vowels, spinning and tiles

Things were turning more confusing for Dustin.

He was the captain of the speller bee team of Pacific Coast Academy.

This year was his last chanceto qualify for the nationals.

But he needed to make it through the sectionals first, beating teams like those of Silver Spring High, James K. Polk, Hollywood School Of Arts, and Palmwoods.

This year, the team was stronger than ever before.

Megan Parker, after having caused troubles to Dustin’s team a few yeards ago, was now a team pal of Dustin, and she was a hell of a backup and reinforcement.

Dustin was also happy about the latest and youngest reinforcement, Katie Knight. “Katie is incredibly cool. She even knew how to spell “sassafras” at the age of five.”

I chuckled.

Of course, Dustin’s worries about Zoey were the main obstacle.

Megan Parker offered to take over the captain’s office, in order to exonerate Dustin and ease his mental burdens.

But Dustin preferred to keep the stingray ribbon, sign of a captain of a team representing the Pacific Coast Academy.

Megan understood that. “Zoey will be much more proud of Dustin as the captain. And then she will be over the death of the corpse drifting in the waves of Maui.”

I agreed.

But was it really that easy?

Other teams of Pacific Coast Academy had their trials, too.

Megan Parker was, for example, the captain of the classic music team. She was an extreme expert of the oboe. “This contest will be much harder than the speller bees. I still need more instruments and a decent lead singer for my opera Pierre, based on Herman Melville’s novel Pierre or the ambiguities. Even with Samantha Puckett’s trombone and Carly’s violin …”

I shrugged.

Carly shook her head. “Hey! I’m not a violinist.”

Megan glared at her cousin.

Carly admitted to having once played a video game violin1. “But that was only fun.”

I sighed.“Can’t Zoey’s plush squid play the clarinet?”2

Megan looked at me with annoyed eyes. “I would really have preferred Carly as a first violinist. But there are other canditats as well.”

But then I had a last idea. “Michael plays the flute perfectly.”

Michael Barret tried to escape through the back door.

Unfortunately his way was blocked by three football jocks.

Michael bounced off them and was sent flying into the next corner.

Stacey had been there in order to put down her latest cotton swab sculpture.

Michael slammed her carelessly against the wall, making the cotton swab construct crash apart.

Stacey started weeping piteously.

I sighed. Now I was forced to help her repairing the whole thing.

Alas, Michael could not escape from Megan. He was a jazz flautist. But he was now forced to back up her classic team, anyways.

But was this enough in order to put up witj James K, Polk?

The voice of their lead singer, a certain ‘Coconut Head’, made the whole county tremble.

Megan was especially afraid of their oboe duo, Tracy and Stacy Obo.

Dustin almost giggled. “OK, let’s make the sectionals!”

We agreed wholeheartedly.

74.3  Frozen bridges

Being bored between now and then, I had decided to watch the hockey team.

Our squad of the last two years had made the nationals inspite of almost consisting for all ends and purposes only of Samantha Puckett.

But this year, things had changed drastically.

We had ggot reinforcements from Minnesota.

Kendall Knight, Logan Mitchell, Carlos Garcia, and James Diamond have more or less grown up on the ice.

This was going to make our new team irresistible.

Kendall explained, “as toddlers, we have started playing on the icy bridges of Minneapolis’ endless winters.”

Katie Knight was the manager of her brother Kendall and of his pals. She was already thinking noisily about getting professional contracts for them. “I am now negotiating with Mr. Hibbert3, a Russian spy working in New York City. Then the booys will get a contract for palying for a team from the Siberian league. Siberia has got the greatest hockey players.”

Kendall, Carlos, James, and Logan beamed brightly.

Coach Keller, also responsible for the hockey team, was not really keen on the new kids from Minnesota. He complained about Carlos’ helmet.

The latter was worn even off the icy arena.

Carlos Garcia used to keep it on when sleeping.

Or so it was rumoured.

Logan Mitchell was the smartest of the four of them. He was also a genius for science and medicine, pretty much like Quinn, Mindy, and Firewire. Thence he had already made it into the science fair nationals, as aforementioned. Along with James’s cousin Shane, he was the new hope for our science fair team, as well.

But this was sometimes a bit annoying. He explained everything about the kinetic energy of the hockey disk, about conservation of momentum and collision angles, and he was the only one to know a reason for the possibility of skating on ice.

James Diamond wanted to become a great Hollywood star. But he wasn’t more gifted than earlier mentioned Trina Vega, the annoying cousin of Lola.

After all, Samantha still played the guys dizzy with her fine-grained skating prowess.

The boys were slightly dicouraged.

But Katie did not give up. She ordered Sam to train harder with the boys, making them moan and whimper for pain.

Samantha Puckett promised solemnly to do so.

74.4  Portals of discovery

Our science fair team had won the nationals of the last but one year.

Melinda Crenshaw, Wayne ‘Firewire’ Gilbert, and Quinndelyn Pensky had become heroes of the Pacific Coast Academy over night.

But this had attracted the attention of no other than the California Institute For Technology.

Consequentially, our science geeks had been lured away.

Ever since, science at our school was stuck in the middle of the lands of nowhere.

None of the remaining pupils had been able to hold a dimming candle to above nerds.

In consequence, our team had been doomed to fail already in the sectionals.

James K. Polk’s team around Simon Nelson Cooke, Lisa Zemo, Albert Wormenheimer, and Evelyn Kwong had mowed them down without showing a trace of mercy.

Miles Brody had been their captain. He may have known the whole library of the congress by heart. But he lacked every bit of scientific creativity.

Granted, Fredward Benson was by his side. Freddie was well-versed in applied technology, but he lacked any theoretical understanding. He wasn’t exactly an inventor, either.

This made them vastly inferior to geniuses like Simon Nelson Cooke.

Miles’s and Fredward’s scientific project had thence just been a demonstration of his encyclopaedic knowledge.

Cookie, on the other hand, had been more and more grown to becoming a perfect mix of machinery and man. He was able to think as precise as a machine, but without lacking human imagination and curiosity.

These abilities had turned Simon Nelson Cooke into a veritable portal of exploration of scientific innovations.

In the end, Cookie and his henchmen had been unstoppable.

But this year, we had received significant reinforcements.

Aforementioned Logan Mitchell and Shane Diamond were new here. Shane and Logan had invented the magnetostatic multipulse flux generator.4

I did not understand anything about theoretical electrodynamics.

But Shane and Logan gave us an impressive and entertaining demonstration of their invention.

And the strange apparatus had not even started exploding.

Maybe they were going to follow in the steps of Quinn Pensky, Mindy Crenshaw, and Wayne Gilbert?

It would have been totally cool.

74.5  Beautiful disaster

Our art club should have been the stronghold of beauty at Pacific Coast Academy.

Unfortunatley, it had been involved, as of recent, in a dark series of unfortunate turmoils.

Last year, tehy had made it to the regionals.

But then the separation of Stacey’s parents broke the neck of the team.

Stacey’s sculptures had been the highlights of the art club, side by side with Zoey’s creative fashion design and Maria’s portraits in oil.

The scandal concerning Mrs. Fisher, a teacher of arts having taken bribes from Logan Reese, had made everything worse.

The club was without an adviser for several months.

This year, we had hoped for several imporovements.

Sinjin van Cleef had been a wonderful reinforcement for the team.

Jerry Crony, or, if preferred, Olivary Biallo, had finally been courageous enough to stand up for his ‘girly’ hobbies.

And finally, the arrival of Harold Joiner, the greatest contemporary pop artist, promised for a lot more.

Joiner was the new adviser of our art club.

But, as you know, Zoey’s current depression struck right in our team’s heart.

Zoey would have been the captain.

But this burden was now way too much for her.

Stacey wasn’t yet ready.

The divorce of her parents was still a huge pain in her spine.

Lola’s hostility towards our cotton swab queen made things even worse.

Harold Joiner had even asked Coco Wexler to stuff Lola into a deifferent dorm.

But the arrogant drama queen did not budge.

Sinjin and Crony did not have the personal qualities of a team leader.

Thus Maria Hughes was the last one to stand. Was the painter girl really strong enough to integrate the shaken and shattered team?

So, what about the competition?

Hollywood Arts may have lost Sinjin van Cleef. But they were still chock full of creative artists of all sorts.

James K. Polk was a serious competitor, too.

Simon Nelson Cooke was known as a good sculptor, too.5

And Jenifer Mosely’s woodshop creations were admired across Los Angeles, from end to end.

There was hardly a way past this.

Needless to say, a poor result in the sectionals was not exactly likely to move Zoey out of her depressions.

1
cf. iCarly : iFix A Popstar
2
this alludes to Squidward from Spongebob squarepants, a cartoon not owned by me, either
3
from True Jackson VP : Amanda Hires A Pink
4
cf. iCarly : iSaw Him First
5
cf. Ned’s Declassified SSG : Recycling Week

Chapter 75  Sectionals

75.1  Beyond the galaxy’s walls

The speller bee team had been the first of our squads facing the sectionals, passing thusly straight to the regionals.

Thanks to Katie Knight’s, Megan Parker’s, and Morgan Eichman’s fantabulous backup, Dustin had beaten the opponents into oblivion.

This was now to be hoped to boost Zoey’s morale as well.

Stacey Dillsen had got an idea for a project for the sectionals. “Recently, I have watched the stars at night.”

This was not always a given.

On certain nights, the smoke and dust of Los Angeles imposed severe obstructions to watching the stars with an affordable telescope.

And Stacey’s telescope was of course not exactly one like that of Hubble.

Quinn had told us a lot about Hubble’s famous space telescopes.

The device was travelling in a geosynchronous orbit around the earth.

I deemed it to be able to watch the rim of the univers.

According to our nerd girls the universe had no such thing as borders.

Of course I never understood Quinn’s or Mindy’s nerdy explanations.

Stacey wasn’t exactly keen on theoretical physics either, but she was a keen practical astronomer. She had always tried hard to combine this with her artist talents.

And thus she came up with a project allowing for Zoey and Olivary to taylor, for Maria to paint, for herself to sculpt with cotton swabs, and for Sinjin to create with polyresines and arbitrary trash:

It was a view of our galazy from beyond its walls.

At first glance, Maria Hughes had deemed that project a bit strange.

But a conversation with her fiancé Joshuah Nichols about the topic had convinced Maria.

Josh was also interested in astronomy.

Harold Joiner was in no way opposed to it.

Thereupon it was no longer a problem to convince the rest of the team.

Zoey hardly cared at all. She just wanted to die slowly, like the corpse found by herself in the waves of Maui.

But Jerry Crony grabbed her and forced her into participating actively even here.

It was very important for Zoey to publish some recent work of arts. She was applying for an internship as a designer for Mad Style, one of New Ypork City’s most renowned fashion label ever.

A good result in the sectional was tantamount to success for her postulancy.

But the sectionals were already around the corner.

75.2  Aurora Borealis

And there was the day of the sectional championships.

The works of art were exposed in the aula magna of Hollywood School Of Performance Arts.

The event was opened by a long speech given by no other than Principal Eichman.

I had accompanied Zoey, Stacey, Crony, Sinjin, and Maria over there.

Jade West spotted Sinjin. She yelled at us at the very top of her powerful lungs, “have I allowed you to bring the disgusting freak along with you? No, I haven’t.”

I tried to calm her down. “Sorry, but he’s a member of our art club.”

Jade grunted at me, “retard club, you mean, don’t you?”

I snuck away in time.

The umpire of the event was Miss Fielder1 from the state of Washington.

But before caring about the jusgement, I was looking at the other works of the exposition.

Scientific themes appeared to be somewhat in fashion.

Simon Nelson Cooke had created a sculpture from trash labelled Aurora Borealis.

This was a really expressive work of art.

Cookie explained, “naïve peoples thought of the se northern lights as gods appearing to men.”

I scratched my bushy skull. “Was that really naïvity?”

Cookie gave a long, exhausting scientific explanatio of the physical phenomenon.

His words were not too much different from endlessly many words already heard from Quinn Pensky and other geeks.

I could not understand much of it.

The lights were supposed to be caused by trash of the sun hitting the earth’s magnetic field.

This had instigated him to use trash as his material.

Alas, what did all of this have to do with art?

Nevertheless, the sculpture was quite impressive.

I imagined his project for the science fair’s sectionals to be equally realated to that phenomenon.

Whatever, Cookie’s work was the main competitor opposing that of Zoey and her team.

I would have supposed the team of Hollywood Art to be the favourite.

Already the very name of the school implied their superiority.

At least they should have had a large team.

But we were disappointed.

The whole team only consited of aforementione Caitlyn Valentine.

The bubbly bimbo wench had made a few face masks.

But why did her mask with a label “A cute boy” look like a monster with dreadful fangs and laser eyes?

I also recognised aforementioned Robert Shapiro, a cheap tabloid journalist.

The freak argued with his puppet, a certain Rex, about the exhibits.

Shapiro had been switched to Hollywood Art right after his stupid articles about Chase-and-Michael Show.

How deep could he fall?

75.3  Ecstatic pain

The time of the decision came closer and closer.

Miss Fielder finally grabbed the microphone. “Ladies and gentlemen, we , the judges of the sectionals of the art awards, have gathered here in order to announce the winners.”

The suspense among the participants and the sadistic onlookers increased.

Miss Fielder grunted, “And the winner is … Pacific Coast Academy!”

The pupils of Hollywood School For Performance Arts started booing and screaming.

Jade West was particularly upset. She started agitating the vulgar masses of Hollywood Schoof for Performance Arts into a riot especially against Sinjin van Cleef. “Stop the traitor!”

As a former Hollywood Art Student, Sinjin van Cleef was of course the central target of the wrath of the disapointed masses.

But we had though to this possibility beforehand.

Thence there was a bodyguard for Sinjin.

No other than Shelby Marx was qualified for keeping the rioting masses of Hollywood Art kids at bay. With a few kicks and punches, she threw consternated Jade West against the wall.

The majority of the rest of the Hollywood Art bullies withstood the urge to continue the attempts of beating up ex-student Sinjin van Cleef.

Jade wimpered for pain.

Her ‘boyfriend’, falsely so-called, feigned hypocritically to help jade stand up, in order to sneak another perverse kiss.

Security finally controlled the situation.

It was time for honouring the winners.

Captain Maria Hughes and adviser Harold Joiner received the fake golden cup from Miss Fielder.

Zoey had watched the whole thing with lethargy. But now it was her turn for receiving a handshake from Miss Fielder.

Simon Nelson Cooke congratulated Zoey Brooks in a fair manner.

Likewise, Caitlyn Valentine did the same, even though feeling the need to bite her lips off before saying a word.

Zoey’ss face started slowly to turn brighter.

But this was only a start.

There were only a few weeks left until our graduation trip.

And a depressed Zoey was the biggest possible danger for a good field trip.

75.4  Desolation row

Zoey’s joy triggered by the victory over Hollywood School For Performance Arts was only of a short duration.

Upon our return to the campus, she snuck back into her dorm.

The whole dormitory corridor had now already earned a very bad and mournful reputation.

Coco was almost squished by a wallowing flood of requests for trading dorms.

Lisa Perkins was totally up to trading places. She had already begged for a transfer to Hollywood School For Performance Arts, hoping for more worthy fellow people.

Her boyfriend Harper had told Lisa a lot about that competing school.

Harper’s cousin André was a student over there. He had been the first to apologise unto us for the impossible demeanour of Jadelyn West, Caitlyn Valentine, and Beck Oliver.

But this did not help us much.

Even Dean Eichman was about writing an official letter, requesting formal forgivenness from Dean Ruckner.

Matthew Palmer Noid already wanted to strip the whole Hollywood School of Art bunch of their filthy pants.

But this was not going to help Zoey back to her old vitality.

Lola was still oblivious to many things going on.

Alas, Megan seemed to have a plan. She whistled innocently.

I asked her. “what’s going on?”

Megan whispered unto me, “Drake and Lola have already been up to marrying for quite a few months, but the whole fuss about Zoey has made heer forget about it. Likewise, Drake is now on tour. I thought about advancing the wedding plans a bit.” She chuckled.

I coughed. “Wow! How do you do that?”

Megan explained, “I’m going to buy them wedding rings.”

I gasped.

OK, Megan’s plans used to be rock solid.

I hoped this one to work out as well.

Megan had already compared a few offers. “I just need the size of Lola’s finger.”

And this was not Megan Parker’s only attempt of breaking through desolation row.

Megan explained, “Last year, Stacey annoyed many pupils with her sassafras tea song.”

I nodded solemnly. “The text was mine.” I coughed.

Megan continued, “I got Fredward Benson to patch the accoustic performance. Now I’ve sent a demo of ut to Gustavo Rocque.”

I gasped. “Gustavo Rocque from Rocque Records?”

Megan grinned.“No other!”

Rocque Records was one of the leading record labels in the Hollywood business.

But could Stacey live up to those expectastions?

I seriously doubted it.

75.5  Illuminated darkness

Then there was the day of the science faire sectionals.

This one was taking place on our campus.

The teams of our section were now establishing their boots.

It was not easy to build a magnetostatic multipulse flux generator.

Shane Diamond and Logan Mitchell needed a few helpers.

The Chase-and-Michael Show was going to report directly from this event.

Carly had already declared herself ready as a test rabbit. She needed to touch a giant cylinder with her tongue while dipping her fot into some strange liquid.

Samantha Pucket poked her tongue against the opposite end of the long cylindric tube, dipping her foot into some different liquid.

I wondered about the necessity of using different liquids.

The booth of the team of James K. Polk’s drew a lot of attention upon itself.

There was just a black box.

Strangely, both our booth and that of Simon Nelson Cooke bore a label with some undecipherable formulae on it, titled Maxwell’s Equations.

The umpire was no other but my former favourite science tutor, viz. Cal. He approached the booth of James K. Polk.

Lisa Zemo and Albert Wormenheimer removed the black napkin, reveiling the contents of the black box.

We could not make much sense of it.

Cookie explained, this model will not only simulate an aurora borealis, it will also show us the possibilities of using the solar wind for power generation.

Shane whispered something into Logan Mitchell’s ears, making him nod.

Of course, our science geeks had been warned by Simon Nelson Cooke’s project for the sectionals of the visual art contest.

But was that information going to help them in any manner?

Cal examined also Logan Mitchell’s and Shane Diamond’s machine. He was equally impressed.

Carly exclaimed, “it tickles!” She giggled mysteriously. “Everyone should come and lick this thing.”

Thence it was clear:

The decision was exclusively between those two teams, ours and that of James K. Polk’s.

Cal admitted, “these are just the sectionals. But I’m sure to have already seen the winner of the next nationals.” He needed a full demo of both systems, side by side.

The systems were go.

Unfortunatyely, the aurora borealis was much more powerful than ever expected.

We sighed deeply.

Cal had to delare the team of James K. Polk to be the winners.

But our team was still younger than that of the competitors.

There were going to be more chances for them later on.

The event was over.

But Cal had to talk to me. “You know, Quinn will turn eighteen tomorrow.”

I scratched myt head. “Dern, I’ve forgotten to organise a birthday gift for her.”

Zoey’s depressions had prevented us from remembering that important date.

Whatever, Cal asked for another reason. “I know. I’m six years older than her. But do you think …” He blushed deeply and swooned from end to end.

I could not answer the question for Cal.

He had to find out on his own.

1
Miss Fielder is an art teacher appearing in iCarly : iMust Have Locker 239

Chapter 76  Graduation Trip

76.1  Forbidden laughter

The tide was high.

Stacey was about returning from an encounter with Gustavo Rocque at the headquarters of infamous Rocque Records.

But Mr. Rocque was not exactly well-known for patience and politeness.

In any case, nobody was allowed to laugh about Stacey upon her impending return from the studio, lest laughter would have turned into crying.

Rubbing salt into Stacey’s wounds would have increased the whole bad mood seizing Brenner Hall.

And our graduation trip was now totally around the corner.

Aforementioned Missy Robinson was the daughter of Airforce commander Robinson.

The latter’s move to Seattle had triggered an alternative for Missy: Either to go to a boarding school or to retiurn to Seattle.

She would have preferred Seattle because of old friend Carly Shay.

But Carly was now at a boarding school as well.

And, according to colonel Robinson, the Pacific Coast Academy was simply the best boarding school for his daughter.

On the other hand Missy incessantly told us “without my help, your graduation trip would be a boring coach trip over land.”

This was no good sign for the time after the graduation trip, was it?

Fortunately, Zoey had used Stacey’s absence in order to recover a bit from her depression.

Megan had already chosen rings for Lola and Drake.

This plan was going to strike any time.

Or so I hoped.

This was the moment of Stacey’s return.

I admonished everyone once again, “don’t laugh about Stacey!”

The cotton swab freak girl stumbled in. “Hey! I’ve got a record contract!”

We gasped.

How was that possible?

Stacey showed us her contract. “I just have to open and close my mouth. Isn’t that cool?”

Of course it was cool. It saved the voice patchers from Roccque Records from a lot of painful work.

And it saved everyone’s ears from growing sore.

This was also saving my life.

For I had been the author of the song’s lyrics.

Noone would have forgiven me having written a song of pure torture and terror.

Gustavo Rocque was going to build a boys’ band as backup for Stacey.

76.2  Ocean tears

There was a submarine lying rigged and ready in the harbour of Seal Beach, bound for Catalina island. It was going to fight with the waves. the giant krakens, and the white sharks.

We were going be aboard the submarine in a few minutes.

A bus of the air force had just taken us to Seal Beach.

Commander Robinson greeted us heartily.

Our equipment and lugage was checked painstakingly.

Security rules were to be adhered to strictly.

Carly Shay had accompanied us down to Seal Beach.

There was a simple reason for that:

The commander of the submarine was no other than her dad, Admiral Shay. He huggled his daughter heartily.

Carly sighed. “Dad!”

Commander Shay chuckled. “Too bad you can’t come with us.”

The submarine trip to Santa Catalina Island was only part of our field trip.

The way back, we were using a normal steamer cruising on the surface of the Pacific.

Carly was going to visit us on Santa Catalina, thus seeing her dad once more before his departure on a longer trip beneath the seven seas.

And Carly was not the only one to follow us to Seattle Beach.

Her cousins Megan and Drake Parker had come along with her.

And Drake was up to something special.

While the first teenagers were about boarding the craft, Megan talked to her elder brother in whispers.

He appeared qquite nervous.

But Megan’s words instilled him with more courage.

Drake’s heart still beat like a sledge-hammer.

He approached Lola Martinez slowly. “Lola, I …” He blushed a shade of hellfire-like crimson.

The Hollywood diva turned around, “Drake? Yeah?”

Slowly but surely, Drake grabbed a little box with a picture of a bow on it.

The container had been safely hidden in one of his pockets.

Megan had to guide her brother’s hand.

Lola took the box. “Shall I open it?”

I nodded vigorously.

Lola dared to remove teh cover, but only slowly. Finally, she spotted two finely crafted silver rings with aquamarine jewels. She glared for exorbitant awe.

Megan remarked,
quotthose jewels, as blue as the sea out here, are particularly chosen for this trip. Then she poked Drake, urging him to ask the question of the questions.

Drake coughed and stammered, “aw, Lola, do you want to be my wife?”

Lola beamed immediately like a supernova. “Aw hell, why, sure, I want to!” She pulled Drake into an excessively powerful huggle.

Drake felt his heart exonerated in one swipe.

The burden falling off his heart was heavy enough to cause a little earthquake upon plummeting ungracefully to the ground beneath our feet.

Lola had to board the ship now.

This made her a bit sad.

The jewels had got the shape of tears.

Or so we imagined.

But the trip was only lasting for less than two weeks.

Then they would be happy together once more.

76.3  Sea bed

We were now standing in the belly of the submarine.

Commander Shay explaining a lot unto us.

The ocean was fairly quiet.

I trembled. “But when the giant krakens come …”

Zoey giggled. “My plush squid will negotiate with them. Then they will leave you in peace.”

Michael nodded solemly. “Krakens are not into busht hair. It tastest icky!”

I replied sarcastically, “thanks!”

Commander Shay explained, “we are not going to dive deep enough for giant krakens. In fact, the gulf of Santa Cataline is not deep enough.”

But there were still the white sharks.

Custodian Gordy had oncen taken a shark stun gun along with us during our trip to Yosemite National Park.

But here we had no Gordy and no shark stunner.

Michael trembled for agony upon hearing the word shark. “We are like tin food for them.”

Dana remarked, “being a ashark, I would prefer fresh meat.”

And Commander Shay had admitted to the existence of sharks down here in the gulf.

But sharks’ teeth were not powerful enough to bite holes into the iron walls of our craft.

We were now watching other fish drifting in the ocean.

Commander Shay explained some of the huge amount of tasks of the regular submarine patrols.

Mr. Rudolph knew a lot about the many plants and fish living in the gulf.

There were even grey whales.

According to Quinn, whales were no fish.

I had never understood that.

They had fins and stuff. Why were they not to be considered fish?

Mr. Rudolph’s favourite topic were the kelp forests.

In deed we passed some bushes of broqwn algae growing on the bottom of the sea.

Michael compared them to the shrubbery adorning my skull.

This was not funny, was it?

Finally, the submarine had reached its destination, the shores of Santa Catalina island.

We were getting ready to leave the craft and step ashore in order to visit the impressive island.

Besides Mr. Rudolph, also Mr. Bender was accompanying us.

The whistle blew.

The gates were open.

We were climbing the ladders in orde to breathe fresh air again.

The best of all: Lola and Zoey had been talking all excited about the upcoming wedding.

Zoey was now enthusiastic about preparing the celebrations.

There was no trace left of her depressions.

76.4  Cabin by the sea

Having reached our inn on Santa Catalina, the fight for the beds began.

Everyone wanted to secure for himself a room with a window pointing to the raging waves of the mighty Pacific.

I was a bit more modest.

Any room was good eough for me, barring the janitor’s closets and the loos.

But I wanted to be with Michael.

Our residence for these days was sort of a village of cabins.

And, actually, we were assigned a hut closest to the beach.

Mr. Rudolph made us watch the passing gray whales.

That was a bit boring.

Unfortunately, Michael was still into the clacker ball stuff.

This added a bit to the annoyance.

Mr. Bender talked a lot about the history of the island: Natives, Russian fur hunters, pirates and smugglers, and on and on and on it went.

It was a graduation trip.

This meant, more than anything, time for thinking about the time after graduation.

My plansd had not changed in many years.

I was still up to making it as a playwright to the Broadway.

But was it possible to apply simply at the Broadway and get accepted?

A lot depended on my experiences, didn’t it?

Michael played his flute. He was up top meeting his idol Gregory.

Indeed, Samantha Puckett had recently surprised us with some breathtaking news:

She was a relative of said master flautist.

Good old Sam was always up to shocking news.

I had already sent some of my previously written plays unto Sofia Michelle, aforementioned star author at Broadway.

Did my idol still remember me form our drama club’s performance of Finally Falling?

I totally hoped so.

But maybe she had told the same thing to all wannabe playwrights at each and every school. And now she said to herself. “Matthews? Who the heck is Chase Bartholomew Matthews?”

I sighed deeply.

Zoey was now finally over her disappointment, inspite of seeing the ugly waves rushing in from her window.

This had been my greatest worry.

But the waves really left her calm.

She was now more and more thinking about her upcoming internship at Mad Style.

Said fashion label had recently employed a certain teenage girl named True Jackson as a vice president.

That was really a surprise.

And it stirred Zoey’s hopes to no end.

Unfortunately, her parents had another career for her in mind, something streamlined like a lawyer or a CEO.

But Zoey’s passion for fashion designed had increased rapidly since dating Jerry Crony.

And now she was designing the outfits for Lola’s and Drake’s wedding.

Just how to tell her parents?

The days on Santa Catalina went by in no time.

I was even able to bear Stacey’s daily morning song.

76.5  Approaching Flood

We had to leave Santa Catalina in time before the next full moon and the incoming flood.

Our ferry was already awaiting us down in the harper.

Watching all the people come ashore and leave for the sea was always a great show.

Fortunately, Stacey had still got enough pills against seasickness on herself.

I did not want to get hit by a torrent of warm and smelly liquid gushing forth from her maw, garnished with fluffy cotton swabs and sticky white glue.

The ship’s horn blew.

We were set adrift. Waving a last time towards the friendly-looking island, we were also thinking about the time awaiting us ashore.

During our visit to Santa Catalina, I had helped aforementioned André Harris from Hollywood School of Performance Arts with the lyrics to a song.

It was going to be performed in the framework of a production of that school.

Unfortunately, Trina Vega was going to sing it.

And her voice was way worse than that of Stacey Dillsen.

Even the onbe and only Freddie Benson was going to have a hard time trying to patch the voice of Trina.

The title of the song was Make It Shine!1.

Michael was helping André with the tune.

I expected André to become a much greater song producer than even Gustavo Rocque during the next five years or so.

He was so going to make it shine.

But was there really no alternative to Trina Vega?

My plays performed by Lola Martinez and by Ashley Blake had been great, able to impress even Sofia Michelle to no end.

But Trina’s performance had the creepy potential to ruin all of them.

I needed to find someone better to perform that, or else I was possibly doomed.

1
title song of Victorious. I don’t own it, either.

Chapter 77  America Sings

77.1  Eternal danger

The trip to Santa Catalina had been a great success.

But everyday’s life at Pacific Coast Academy had seized us again, soon upon our return.

Missy grinned. “Wasn’t it cool?”

I nodded solemnly, inspite of not trusting the situation.

Missy grunted, “then you may help me get rid of Samantha Pukebucket.”

I stammered, “what? Why would I …”

Missy grabbed me. “Truly, I tell you, Samantha isd the worst danger for Carly’s life ever. She’s going to drag her down the road of degeneration and corruption! She’s an evil seductress and a vampire.”

I gasped. “What?”

Unfortunately, Missy may have not been wrong.

I had to think back to Samantha Puckett’s first weeks at this school, or, rather, Trisha Kirby’s.

Zoey would not have objected to using Missy’s words in order to describe bad girl Trisha.

The latter had certainly been a ruthless seductress to me and to Dustin.

But Sam had come a long way eever since.

Zoey had taught her to refrain from being deliberately seductive.

And by now Samantha Puckett had found a real boyfriend all for herself, Fredward Benson.

I replied, “OK, Missy, I would have understood your concerns like three years ago. But Samantha is no longer the excessively bad tweenie girl.”

Alas, Missy was not totally convinced. “Samantha is the greatest possible danger for Carly’s moral integrity, a fake friend and a mean deceiver. She may appeart to have toned down, but nobody should ever trust a Puckett. A tiger never changes its stripe. In a few years, you will see Carly sinking into the morass of despair and desolation. And you will be so sorry for not having fought the roots.”

I shuddered for growing confusion.

How could the improved and updated Samantha Puckett be a danger for Melissa Robinson’s former best friend?

Of course, caring about her old friend was a great thing.

But wasn’t Missy going a bit over the top?

I should not have messed with Missy’s and Carly’s private stuff.

But it did not let me sleep in peace.

Now I imagined Melissa Robinson talking to Zoey Brooks.

How was the blond Mary Sue going to react? Zoey was certainly going to be worried about Dustin, too. She had been extremely glad about Dustin having found a sweet and smart girlfriend like Carly. Thus she was not going to be left untouched by any warnings about perennial perils for Carly’s morals.

77.2  Light step

As aforementioned, I was now wooried about a possibility to make Make It Shine really shine. I had suggested the lyrics.

Michael had worked a bit on the tune.

André had written the choreography and created the total composition.

But none of these was worth zilch without a perfect performer.

And Trina Vega, the featured star, was so going to make it go dull.

For the real step from the darkness into the light, I was looking for a perfect singer, a perfect actress, and a perfect dance in one person.

Needless to say, this excluded Trina Vega.

Unfortunately, Ashley Blake was nowhere near a great dancer, and she hated learning song texts.

And perfect postures as such were not enough to make such a musical see the big lights.

My first thought was Lisa Perkins, the afro-american singstar. She had once made it into the finals of America Sings.

I interceived Lisa in the entrance of the cafeteria. “Hi, Lisa, are you up to trying some song?”

Lisa smiled. “Why not? What is it?”

I gave her the text of the song. “I’ve written the text with André’s and Addie’s help.”

Lisa grinned. “Aw, Make It Shine!” She already knew that thing.

André was a future inlaw of Lisa, or something like that.

So this was nowhere near a smithereen of a surprise.

Alas, Lisa panted heavily.

“Sorry, Chase,” replied the reggae pop queen, “you sure are a great poet, and so is Addie. Likewise, André will be one of the greatest music producers, once upon a time. But Make it shine! is not, by no means, a song of my tradition. It belongs to the world of white anglo-saxons…”

That was really sad.

But I had to respect the feelings of Lisa Perkins without feeling to have been let down by her. In other words, I had to keep on looking elsewhere for a solution.

My next idea was that of asking Drake Parker.

Even Lisa suggested to ask him for advice.

The rock jerk had once had a female band member named Rina1. And he knew a lot about the scene in general.

So I was going to ask Lola about it.

The Hollywood diva was not a great singer

But show talent abounded in her family, barring perhaps Trina.

The latter was still using various quinnventions in order to improve her voice.

But nothing good had hitherto come out of this.

Maybe Lola even knew someone suitable?

I just had to ask.

77.3  A queer sort of clockwork

I was walking into Lola’s dormitory room in order to see Drake Parker.

Lola had arranged that meeting. But she was sitting calmly on the teenage rock star’s lap, swooning all over the world.

They were talking about their impending honeymoon trip.

Lola asked, “OK, sweetie, where should we work on our first baby? On a yacht floating atop the gently rocking waves of thePacific, or in a hammock between two palm trees down by the beach?”

Drake glared gleefully at his fiancé. “Wherever, smooch bunny …”

Onluy by then did thye notice my intrusion.

They gasped.
I shrugged. “You’ve told me to come hereto at this moment …”

Lola sighed. “Doesn’t matter. This happens in all of your better plays.”

I scratched my head. “Heck, yeah!”

Drake nodded. “I like those movies.”

I smiled. “Thanks! OK, Drake, I need a good female singer for a demo video of my work . Really, it is the work of André Harris, and I’m just sort of a teacher for him.”

Lola chuckled merrily.

Drake nodded. “Oh, I know a lot of good singers very well.”

Lola glared jealously at her future hubby. “How well do you know them?”

Drake coughed. “Erm …”

Lola shook him “”

I calmed Lola down. “Not as well as you will soon get to know him.”

Lola swooned with glee.

Drake sighed for relief. “Really, Rina, the only female member ever of my band, has been out of California for like five years.”

I sighed.

Drake continued, “but I’ve been a backup guitarist at America Sings. And there I came to admire a few extremely talented pop ladies suited for your song.”

I liked to hear about that. “Such as?”

Drake replied, “Giordana Sparquez2 was the best … tonight, there’s another episode of America Sings.”

I smiled. “Let’s watch it together. And you suggest the right one on site.”

Drake nodded solemnly.

I wondered, “but doesn’t the producer of America Sings require fees for borrowing the stars still in the race?”

Drake moaned, “quite a lot.”

I panted for despair.

Lola grinned. “Hey, my cousin Victoria, or, as most people prefer to say, Tori, is the best singer, dancer, and actresss in one person ever. Unfortunately, she doesn’t yet believe in herself and still thinks her sister Trina to be the better one. But that’s so wrong! I’ve noticed that last week.”

I bandged my head against the wall.

Tori Vega would have been the right joker in the right moment.

Was such a weird timing even possible?

I truly hoped so. And now I better left the lovebirds alone with the planning of the dirty details of their honeymoon trips.

77.4  Whispering nightmare

In the evening, we watched American Idol in our lounge.

Giordana Sparquez was truly impressive.

But I also liked one of the male competitors, a certain David R. Couleda3.

David was incredibly cute.

Many of the female students were made swoon to no end.

I could not stand a certain Wade Collins, though.

According to Lola Martinez, wade was the absolute idol and example to live up to for her cousin Trina.

The thought of WQade Collins winning the finale was thus a hell of a silently creeping nightmare for me.

Drake was neutral. “I have to put up with either of them.”

But Carly was a declared fane of David R. Couleda. “Vote for David,” thundered she at the very top of her lungs.

Sam nodded. “Wade is lame!”

Michael had got an idea. “Let’s say so in our web show!”

Carly nodded gleefully.

In this session, Giordana Sparquez had been voted out.

Unfortunately, this did not imply her availability for a music video.

We still had to wait.

There was a period of several months.

And until then, Trina Vega might have destroyed my song and my reputation.

I had to do something about it.

Thus the only one to save me appeared to be Victoria Vega.

James Diamon declared, “I will be next year’s idol!”

Drake shook his head. “No way!”

I suggested, “go to Gustavo Rocque and prove your talent, just as Stacey Dillsen did.”

James gasped. “You dare to compare me to Stacey Dillsen?”

I nodded solemnly.

His friend Kendall grabbed him. “We’ll go their together if you don’t dare to, otherwise.”

James Diamond sighed.

In any case, there was quite some programme left for our next session of The Chase-and-Michael Show.

77.5  Pierce the sky

Anorther session of our web show was in front of us.

I realised the impending end of the show.

Our time at this school was rushing towards its inevitable end.

This filled me somewhat with sadness.

Fredward Benson counted down. “Online in five … four … three … two …”

Carly greeted the viewers. “Hello, I’m Carly, these guys are Chase and Michael, and this is the Chase-and-Michael Show.”

We nodded solemnly.

Michael cackled. “Indeed, it is.”

Carly continued, “many of you are looking forward to the final decision of America Sings. So do we. But, whatever you do, please vote for David R. Couleda.”

Michael added, “yeah, David! Go David!”

I bellowed, “R. Couleda!”

Carly trigged some artificial applause.

Freddie inserted a virtaul banderole reading “Vote for David R. Couleda”.

This did not leave any doubt whatsoever about our preferences, did it?

Carly continued, “OK, but there will also be great stars after David R. Couleda. Anbd this is a new segment of our show,”

I nodded vigorously.

Michael boomed, “you all know our good old friend Lola Martinez. She’s a great star on her own right, but she has got a younger yet almost identical looking cousin able not only of acting, but also of singing and dancing.”

I smiled brrightly.

Carly panted. “She might be a bit excited, but this will puff away. An applause for Victoria Vega.” She pushed a buttonin order to make a fake applause fille the air.

Tori walked in, pushed by André Harris.

André grinned. “Come on, Tori, you’ll be great.”

I also introduced André Harris. “You already know his relative Harper. André is the songwriter behind Harper, and behinsd many futrure stars.”

Carly grunted, “yes, he is!”

Tori was still a bit nervous. But then she started singing Make it shine!

Freddie pushed some buttonsin order to inject the accords. He did not have to patch her voice.

Tori was more convincing from second to second. She really made everything shine.

Carly thanked Tori. “OK, and the viewers are now expected to submit their opinion about Tori.”

Lola’s cousin had not expected that., She was now even more excited.

Freddie read the first reactions. “Tori, you are victoriously wonderful. You will really make it shine! Giordana Sparquez.”

Tori choked.

Giordine was one of her idols.

Many other viewers praised Tori to no end.

She was going to crash through the starlet sky of Hollywood like a rocket to the moon.

Tori could not believe it.

1
a cameo character in a few episodes of season one Drake & Josh
2
from Bigtime Rush : Big Time Sparks

spoof off Jordin Sparks

3
from iCarly : iRock The Votes

spoof off David Archuleta

Chapter 78  The Surgeon

78.1  Something’s out there

Thew regionals for some of our school’s teams were now around the corner.

Unfortunately, none of them was taking place in the greater Los Angeles area.

Thus I could not come along and cheer for them.

This was a bit sad.

But our teams were well-prepared, anyways.

Dustin had learned three other dictionaries by heart.

According to Megan, the regionals were going to be substantially easier than the sectionals.

All the great schools had already been defeated by us back then.

Alas, we werer trembling all the way for our teams.

Zoey, Stacey, Maria, and Crony had been working all night through on a sculpture.

Zoey definitely wanted to make it into the nationals. They were going to take place in New York City.

Maybe Maximilian Madigan, the leading fashion csar, was going to see her creations.

And this would be the greatest possible chance for her to make it into the business.

Dustin stumbled in. “Floccinaucinihili” Dustin coughed. “pilification … origin: latin … sample usage: The floccinaucinihilipilification of certain symptoms of a disease may result in a fatal misdiagnosis. F … l … o … c … c … i … n … a … u … c … i … n … i … h … i … l … i … p … i … l … i … f … i … c … a … t … i … o … n … Flocci … nauci … nihili … pilification.”

Megan nodded solemnly at her pal. “That’s the way to go!”

Dustin nodded brightly. He kept on humming the word over and over.

And I had always assumed sassafras to be hard.

Bear with it!

Megan continued. “Hippopoto … monstro … sesquipedaliophobia … origin: Latin and Greek … sample usage: Hippopoto … monstrosequi … pedaliophobia makes you fear hippo … potomonstro … sequipedalians. H … i … p … p … o … p … o … t … o … m … o … n … s … t … r … o … s … e … s … q … u … i … p … e … d … a … l … i … o … p … h … o … b … i … a.”

There were some really strange words out there.

Should I have cared?

78.2  Death becomes you

It was finally time for the big final of America Sings.

The alternative, as aforementioned, was: David R. Couleda versus Wade Collins.

Drake watched with us. “I don’t understand what made Wade Collins get so far. He’s as ungifted as Trina Vega.”

I shrugged. “And what made Trina Vega get accepted by Hollywood School of Arts?”

Drake sighed. “Maybe her curves?” He giggled.

Lola sighed. “Must be. That’s the onlly ‘advantage’ of Trina over me and Tori.”

Lola’s voice was exorbitantly sarcastical.

So, probably dumb girls with no clue about musics were behind the great, undeserved success of Wade Collins.

But Ashley Blake rooted for Wade, too. Or at least she had been slightly upset by our not-so-impartial advertisement for David R. Couleda.

But, according to Lola, there may have been a different reason for that.

Lola cared to explain, “she had once been voted out of a job in a movie because of the intervention of some web show.”

Vince Blake confirmed that. “It was terrible.”

Now we started having growing remorses.

Both Wade Collins and David R. Couleda had performed for one last time.

The lame modertator of the show opened the final votes.

Unfortunately, just as usual, the result was not going to be published after some break for commercials.

This was, of course, totally annoying.

They showed commercials about cheese and soap.

Some people use cheese in order to wash their head.1

Some people try to eat soap foam.

Either of these made me shudder for disgust.

Finally, the commercials were over.

The lame moderator returned to the microphone. “Alea iacta est.”

I scratched my bushy forest.

“And the winner is … David R. Couleda!”

The lounge was about bursting into smithereens for untamable applause.

Carly jumped onto the table.

Gibby followed her. He ripped his shirt off.

Then they started dancing to a tune from David R. Couleda’s winning song.

One of the judges explained, “the polls had been in favour of Wade Collins unti some web show from Los Angeles made many people change their mind. Thence the polls were reversed.”

So our Chase-and-Michael Show had done it.

The paparazzi started interviewing Davud and Wade.

The loser explained. “I wanted to use the award in order to pay for a necessary surgical operation in order to save mom’s life. Bear with it!” He shrugged sadly.

We gasped.

Our intervention was going to kill an old woman.

But was anyone accusing us of having inflicted doom and gloom upon Wade’s mother?

I did not hope so.

78.3  Final breath

The next night tortured me to no end.

In my endless nightmares, I was confronted over and over again with the last breath of the mother of Wade Collins.

Cain’s stigma was upon me.

Waking up, I had found myself bathing in a puddle of my own sweat.

Michael had not been feeling any different.

At least it had jusrt been a dream.

Maybe nobody was accusing me, Michael, or Carly of having insigated the masses into murdering Mrs. Collins.

But our last hopes had been cheating.

On my way to the cafeteria, Jeremiah Trottman was already awaiting us with a new microphone. “Oh, an interview with a murdererer. What has Mrs. Collins ever done to you in order to instigate millions of viewers into backstabbing her brutally?”

I cried.

Fortunately, Shelby Marx came to my defense. She grabbed Trottman and his microphone. Then she cruushed the latter with her fingers, amking it crumble to dust. “Shut your … … up!”

Trottman was upset. “This was a new microphone.”

Shelby explained, “Leave Chase and Michael in peace, or you will need a new head.” She swang her fist menacingly at Trottman’s temples, as if going to smash his skull into smithereens.

Trottman and the other paparazzi ran away.

This included Robert Shapiro, the most filthy disciple of Jeremiah Trottman.

We finally met Carly.

Shelby had been her body guard the long way from her dormitory block to the cafeteria.

She sighed bitterly. “We have to do something about it. Maybe Freddie could patch Wade’s voice and make a music video? Wade could thus make enough money to pay for the surgery.”

Michael nodded solemnly.

I wondered, “what sort of suregery is it anyways?”

Carly shrugged. “There wasn’t anything about it.”

I suggested, “maybe we can find a surgeon doing it for a lot cheaper.”

Carly nodded solemnly. “Hell, yeah. Sam’s mom gets a lot of plastic surgeries, at least three of them each year. Of course she could never afford the regular prices. There must be a cheap way.”

Michael beamed brightly. “So, who is the miraculous surgeon of Mrs. Puckett?”

Carly shrugged.

We had to ask either Sam or Melanie.

This may have been our last chance in order to escape from the wrath of the upset masses.

Along came Sam Puckett.

We explained the situation unto the tomboyish blonde.

Sam bowed down, whispering into my ear, “Chase,! You know the surgeon very well!”

I gasped.

Samm panted. “It’s no other but your old friend Quinn Pensky.”

78.4  Once upon a December

The time between Halloween and Christmas was a bit scary.

Quinn entered our lounge. “Hi, Chase!” She beamed brightly.

I smiled back at her. “How’s life at Caltech?”

Quinn grinned, “It’s totally hreat, especially with …” She blushed deeply.

I wondered, “Quinn?”

The geek queen shook her head. “Aw, nothing.”

But that was not true.

I glared at Quinn.

Quinn boomed. “OK! Cal is going to marry me!”

I cheered around for Quinn.

Michael, Vince, and a bunch of other kids chimed in.

I asked, “when will the wedding be?”

Quinn grinned. “It’s my Christmas wish.”

I gasped. “Hey! Drake and Lola are going to get married on Christmas eve, too!”

Quinn gasped. “aw, really?”

The news may not have made it yet unto Caltech.

But this was not an obstacle.

I suggested, “so, what about a double wedding?”

Quinn squealed for excessive excitement.

Of course there was not much time left for preparation.

The whole planning was in the hands of Zoey Brooks.

Thus the latter had just to find a way to squeeze Quinn and Cal into the schedule.

But now we had to come to ther more serious reasion for Quinn’s visitto our lounge.

Quinn panted. “I’m sorry about the whole thing with Mrs. Collins.”

I sobbed sadly.

Michael’s head was hanging between his knees.

Quinn announced. “But of course I will perform surgical operations on Wade’s mother./”

I sighed for relief.

Quinn wondered, “what sort of surgery does she need?”

I shrugged.

Michael was equally clueless.

Quinn sighed. “OK, I’ll just have to ask.”

WE nodded solemnly.

Quinn explained, “anyways, I’m looking back to ten years of surgery.”

Givven her age of measly eighteen, this may have been shockingly incredible.

But I was not really surprised.

Four years ago, Quinn Pensky had talked about surgical removal of kidneys in a way that made it sound like one of her daily jobs. “Dr. Hollywood2 had given me a deputy license like four years ago. In any case, the surgeries will take place over in Come On Inn3 not far from here.”

Samantha Puckett nodded solemnly. “my mom is often cut open over there.”

Quinn greeted Sam. “oh, yeah, your mom’s next eye leasering miust be postponed by three days.”

Sam shrugged. “She needs to steal some new fashionable glasses, anyways.”

I asked, “Your mom requests an eye lasery just for wearing new fashionable spectacles?”

Sam nodded gleefully. “Isn’t that cool?”

I gasped. “It probably is.”

Now we just had to look for the proper reasons old Mrs. Collins’s surgery.

And Quinn was rigged and ready to save our reputation.

78.5  Caressed by a nightmare

My smothering nightmares should have been slightly relieved.

But what were the consequences of a failure of Quinn’s surgery?

The next day were not much eaier.

Dustin bounded in.

I congratulated him for his victory in the speller bee regionals.

But this was not the real reason for his appearance in our lounge.

Dustin panted. He was followed by a women around 35 years.

I shook hand s with Miss …

Dustin said, “Miss Collins, her name is Miss Collins!”4

I gasped. “Collins? Such as in Wade Collins?”

Dustin nodded.

Miss Collins sighed deeply. “Wade is my brother.”

I sobbed. “Sorry for your sick mother. It must be hard.”

Miss Collins admitted, “it is hard. But nor because of my mother’s sickness.”

I scratched my head. “What?”

The women explained, “my mother isn’t really ill, and definitely not deadly sick.”

I was totally confused.

Miss Collins continued, “truly spoken, Wade has lied. He’s so greedy, he doesn’t even stop there. And my mother not just backs him up, she has even uincited him.”

Now I was absolutely consternated.

She started sobbing uncontrollably.

That must have been hard for her.

Miss Collins was particularly sad because of not having come out earlier. “Only when Dustin begged me with his puppy eyes … only then did I dare to fess up.” She sweated all over. “As long as I lived with mom and Wade, I had not been such a jerk. Only afterwards.” She started weeping.

Dustin explained, “Miss Collins is a teacher at Palmwoods. She hads been at various sectionals with her team.”

I sighed. “It isn’t your fault.”

Of course this didn’t do all of her remorses away in one magical swipe.

Not even Kreuftlva could have achieved that.

Dean Ruckner walked in.

I talked him into taking care of Miss Collins. “We kids are not really good at dealing with adults.”

Ruckner shrugged . “OK.”

I was now relieved.

Carly snuggled the living hell out of Dustin for having saved us by seeking out Wade’s sister.

But those tears were not a pleasant invitation to the upcoming wedding celebrations here on the campus of Pacific Coast Academy.

1
alludes to Ginger Fox in iCarly : iFix A Popstar
2
from Bigtime Rush : Big Time Pranks
3
Carly’s motel in iCarly : iTake On Dingo
4
Miss Collins is a cameo character appearing in Bigtime Rush : Welcome Back Big Times et al., a teacher at Palmwood’s.

Chapter 79  Wedding At PCA

79.1  Enraged superstition

Zoey was stuck in the middle of the preparations of the wedding of Lola Martinez and Drake Parker.

This was already a lot of work.

And now she had been talked into adding the wedding of Quinndelyn Pensky and ‘Cal’ to the whole messy event.

Zoey’s main work consisted, just as usual, essentially of the design and tayloring of the outfit of the brides, the grooms, and the attendants of the wedding celebrations.

There were many superstitious rules concernig weddings.

I did not believe in any of that nonsense, did I?

Alas, star actresses were a lot more sensitive right there.

And Zoey did not want to hear Lola scream about any violation of those rules.

Everyone knew about the potential terror to be caused by Lola’s dismay.

Another important point was the choice of the attendants.

Zoey established two blackboards. She explained, “Lola wants her sisters Viviana and Shelby, and her cousin Victoriain the wedding.”

This was understandable.

Likewise, the omission of her other cousin viz. Trina Vega was more than understandable.

But then Drake needed to find suitable groomsmen. “I can’t choose my step-brother Joshuah Nichols. He doesn’t deserve Lola’s hot relatives.”

Of course, Josh was going to be totally upset about this remark. Granted, he was already engaged to Mariah Hughes, and thence he was not interested in Tori, Shelby, or Viviana as girls.

But Drake could have said it in a somewhat nicer way.

Josh was now in a really stinky mood.

Megan appeared at first glance amused about the disharmony seizing the boobs, but then she felt the urge to fix the stupid situation.

On top of her relatives, Lola had got a special surprise:

Giordana Sparquez, an occasional viewer of the Chase-And-Michael Show, had been totally convinced by Lola’s and Tori’s recent performances. Thence she had decided to offer herself as a maid of honour.

Lola had accepted the situation gratefully, She didn’t want a younger relative as the maid of honour. She believed in this as a source of bad luck for them.

Quinn’s maid of honour had been found much faster.

Mindy Crenshaw was the ‘chosen one’.

Likewise, Wayne ‘Firewire’ Gilbert seconded for his idol ‘Cal’.

Wayne and Mindy were only a few months short of their own wedding, either.

Drake stepped up to the blackboard. “OK, I’ve just found a suiotable best man.”

Everyone glared for suspense.

Drake picked a piece of chalked and inserted into the table drawn onto the board by Zoey Brooks, “David R. Couleda”.

The masses cheered.

but was that true?

David stumbled in. He huggled especially Carly Shay. “Thanks! Wade Collins had really been such a pain in the ass.”

Carly sighewd deeply. “His sister has now promised to take better care of him. She’s a good teacher. If anyone has an improving influence oin him, it must be her.”

David sighed. “I hope so.”

79.2  Suddenly

Today, James Diamond and Kendall Knight had been going to Rocque Records in order to introduce James to the record producer.

Katie explained, “I am going to be the manager of James. I will request forty percent. But, being incredibly dumb, he will insist in fifty and fifty.” She was already working on a contract between James and Kendall.

For most of us, this situation looked very funnt.

But Dustin admonished us, “Katie is very serious. You should under no circumstances mess with her. She knows what she wants, and she will get it, whatever it takes.”

Megan grinned. “She could have learned a lot from me. But she has already figured most of it on her own.”

Carly grinned. “Katie is totally cool.”

Finally, James and Kendall returned from their field trip to downtown Los Angeles.

I asked, “OK, James, hav eyou obtained your record contract?”

jame sglared at me with empty eyes.

Katie pouted. “Aw … aw … these eyes don’t look very promosing.” Of course, katie was right.

James sighed for excessive disappointent. “Gustavo called me a worthless dog. But Jendall …”

Katie grabbed her brother. “What did Rocque say about you?”

Kendall replied, “Gustavo Rocque wants me for a record contract!”

Katie grinned. “Accept it … but following my conditions.” She switched immediately to working out a record contract for her favourite big brother.

Alas, Kendall was nowhere near keen on that. “But it has always been James’s big dream. I feel like a thief.”

I did not get it.

Hollywood had always been Trina’s big dream.

But she was not really gifted, and she was definitely lazy.

Yet her excessively gifted sister Tori showed remorses in leaving Trina’s smothering shadow in order to start her well-deserved career.

Likewise, Kendall was not willing to step out from beneath his friend’s umbrella.

Suddenly, both of them had become potential pop stars without having ever applied for it.

I took a piece of chalk and wrote Kendall’s name onto the list of Drake’s groomsmen, right opposit to Tori’s place in the list of Lola’s maids.

Drake tried now really hard to talk Kendall into accepting Rocque’s offer. “Kendall, I do know a great rock talent when meeting onbe. And you could be one of the greatest!”

Alas, Kendall’s remorses did not disappear.

Now he was already feeling guilty for being in the list of the groomsmen, as opposed to James.

That was not a problem.

There was still a free spot, corresponding to that of Viviana Martinez.

James shrugged. He didn’t want to be a mere substitute and appendix of Kendall.

Katie grabbed him. “James, you may not havethe perfect voice for a pop star. But you’ve got the perfect looks and charm for a supermodel.”

James beamed proudly.

Katie continued, “Viviana works as a supermodel for Mad Style in New York City. She may help you into the business. And she looks like Lola, so you won’t be disgusted by her looks, either.”

James started swooning.

I took the same piece of chalk again in order to insert Kames into the list of groomsmen.

The spot corresponding to that of Shelby Marx had to be occupied by Vince Blake.

Shelby insisted in a more robust boy, in order to avoid smashing him into smithereens with her involuntary punches and kicks.

Vince appeared to be the most suited for this task.

79.3  On the brink of forever

The attendants for Lola and Drake had been fixed.

Assisted by Jerome Crony aka Olivary Biallo, Zoey could now start making their outfits.

But there was still a big problem filling the spots for Quinn’s and Cal’s wedding.

They were just on the brink to a new life, forever together.

Or so it was to be hoped.

Wayne Gilbert and Mindy Crenshaw had already been fixed as best man and maid of honour.

Megan Parker had now arranged the addition of Maria Hughes and Josh Nichols.

This made up for Drake’s previous rude behaviour.

Likewise, Stacey had previously been disappointed by not being selected as one of Lola’s maidens.

But getting nominated for Quinn’s list was not a problem.

Sinjin van Cleef was thence chosen as the corresponding groomsman.

Cal did not object.

Last but not least, Addie and I were selected in order to complete the table. We were a bit surprised by this choice.

But Quinn and Cal nodded wholeheartedly.

Of course, as a downside, this implied for me the need for getting squeezed into one of those monkey suits again.

Zoey was measuring us again. “OK, your outfit from junior prom will still fit you.”

I sighed for relief.

Zoey whispered, “I will make a few changes for the ornations.” She wanted our outfits to follow a common theme for the wedding.

This was understandable.

Alas, Michael was now a bit disappointed. “So I’m not in the wedding?”

Zoey shook her head vigorously. “Michael you are now going to practise the Bridal Chorus from Wagner’s Logengrin with your flute.”

Michael gasped fro embarrassment. “My flute …”

Zoey nodded vigorously. “Yes, your flute!”

Michael tried to protest.

But Zoey pushed him towards our dormitory room. “Go and practise, I tell you, and don’t show up again before mastering ot.”

There was nothing to do about Zoey’s stern commands.

79.4  Islands in the sky

I crossed the campus by Addie Singer’s side.

So we were going to co-attend the wedding of Quinn and ‘Cal’.

This was, of course, not much of a big affair.

But I had to remember the times before and leading up to my junior prom.

The approaching end of my time at Pacific Coast Academy had urged me to think about a symbolic action in order to show Addie my serious interest in maintaining our close relationship even beyong my graduation and departure from this place.

I had already chosen the shape and colour of the ring, a silver ring with a clover of four strands, made of some green jewel.

Real emeralds and massive silver were hardly affordable for me.

But the usage of cheaper lookalikes did by no means decrease the symbolic value of the gift.

We relaxed down by the rim of the fountain in the centre of the campus square.

Addie carried her guitar along with herself. She sighed deeply. “I think this song will do for us.”

I wondered, “for what purpose?”

Addie replied, “for expressing my wish to be always with you, even though you will most likely have to leave in a few months.”

I sighed deeply. “I’ve been thinking a bout it for quite some time.”

Addie nodded solemnly. Then she picked her guitar and started playing a new country song named Islands In The Sky1.

Watching clouds passing above us, I relaxed, listening to Addie’s voice and the sound of the struck chords. Then I sang along.

So we were like islands in the sky, seperated by nothing but fluffy clouds.

I could rely on Addie, and she could rely on me.

79.5  Missing Heaven and roses

One dy separated still separated us from Christmas.

And this day was the log-awaited wedding day of aforementioned couples.

Needless to say, oour excitement exceeded any hitherto known limits.

Zoey’s efforts had been remarkable.

Unfortunately, she was still missing out onb a delivery of roses for the wedding.

Likewise, Father Maccurdy, aforementioned priest, should have arrived already.

Samantha Puckett had really pushed Zoey into choosing him as the reverend conducting the wedding ceremony.

This made Zoey a bit nervous.

Everything had gone unto then according to her finely-crafted plans.

Stacey had made a bunch of fake flowers, just using cotton swabs and industrial instant glue. “Sinjin has lacquered the ends of the q0tips using coloured polyresines. Now they looke like roses.”

Zoey sighed. Did they have to sink that deep?

But Stacey’s efforts had been admirable.

In the end, it was better to celebrate with fake yet beautiful roses than without any flowers whatsoever.

Zoey sobbed, but she had to thank Stacey for having provided them with a last resort.

But themn there were bad news.

Father Maccurdy had broken through some floor and had to be transported into a hospital via heavy machinery. He was unable to conduct the wedding.

But, surprisingly, no other than vice principal Pal jumped in. He explained, “during the war of Vietrnam, I had been made a substitute judge of piece. I had come to marry quite a few couples.”

Wow!

Would anyone have thought that?

Anyways, the wedding celebrations were now saved, even in a way different from Zoey’s plans.

1
a modification of Islands in the stream by Kenneth Rogers and Dolly Barton, not owned by me.

Chapter 80  Faithful And True

80.1  The ravages of time

I was waiting in my dorm, along with the other attendants on Cal’s side, viz. Wayne ‘Firewire’ Gilbert, Joshuah Nichols, and Sinjin van Cleef.

We were summarised as the guys with the worst possible hair of Los Angeles county.

But how was that possible?

I liked my bushy hair.

And Addie was keen on it, too.

Joshuah twitched. “I don’t want a hair cut!”

Alas, it was in vain.

Zoey had decided to let Nicole Bristow restyle our hair for Quinn’s Wedding.

Of course, Nicole was also responsible for styling the girls.

But they were not with us by now.

Nicole fumbled mercilessly with my hair, making it stand out from end to end.

Josh didn’t feel any different.

Nicole promised us to be the cutest boys on the campus after the end of the strange procedure.

But the styling hurt so much.

I was not ready to lose my bushy hair.

Josh twitched all the time.

Firewire kept on cackling. But then he watched the result. Now he started screaming in agony.

Our hair stood erect like a hedgehog’s quills.

Nicole sighed. “Oops! Sorry!”

She disappeared through a backdoor.

Our hair had grown the way we liked it during many years. But now it had been turned into a disastrous cactus within a few minutes.

In a few minutes, Quinn an Cal were going to declare to be each others forever.

We sincerely hoped their marriage to last longer than the hedgehog’s pattern on our head.

Time was going to restore my bush again, wasn’t it?

There was no time left to wonder.

Dustin bounded into our hideout. “Zoey told me to look for you. You need to be ready in five … four … oops, what’s this?” He rolled on the floor laughing about our hair.

Unfortunately, he thusly stained his neat suit. He had been assigned as the banquet assistant for the wedding.

Now Zoey better thought about dusting him off.

The dirt was not going to wear out over time until the great wedding banquet.

80.2  Infinite embrace

We took our positions at the end of long aisle.

Vice principal Pal grinned. He started talking abouty his times as a judge of piece for the war of Vietnam.

Zoey talked to Mr. Combover1, the responsible conductor of the wedding orchestra.

Combover’s haiir looked like a worsse shrubbery than mine, combined with a bushy beard.

And Zoey had always called my hair disordered?

That was really sick!

Combover swang the conductor’s stick.

Megan Parker and the Obo twins started blowing their woodwinds.

But where was Michael?

Zoey shook her head. She walked behind one of the bushes. Then she grabbed something.

Michael was heard screaming from beyond the bush. He had been hiding there due to feeling too embarrassed for performing with his flute at Lola’s wedding.

But resistance was futile.

Zoey dragged Michael by the ears to the rest of the orchestra,

Wendy shook her head about her lover boy’s embarrassment.

There were also violinists and a cellist.

Mr. Combover repeated his initial stroke.

The woodwinds started filling the air.

‘Coconut Head’ started singing to the tune.

Faithful and true
We lead ye forth
Where love’s triumphant
Shall crown ye with joy.

I saw Lola at the beginning of the aisle.

Her gown was very long, dragging mercilessly on the ground.

Lola was guided by Dean Ruckner. She grinned all along.

Quinn’s march lacked the grace and elegance of Lola’s.

She stumbled rather incorherently, muttering something about wedding statistics.

Coconut kept on singing.

Star of renown
Flow’r of the earth
Blest be ye both
Far from all life’s annoy.
Champion victorious, go thou before!
Maid, bright and glorious, go thou before!

Lola swaggered to the altar.

Giordana Sparquez took her wrists.

Quinn reached Mindy a bit later.

Mindy had to support Quinn in order to prevent her from stumbling again.

Myrth’s noisy ravel
Ye have forsaken
Tender delights
For ye now awaken

Cal just stood tall.

On the other hand, I noticed Drake’s burning nervosity.

Principal Pal got ready for the question of questions.

Quinn was the first to be asked.

Zoey had cast dice for deciding on that.

Quinn delivered a flaming wedding vow in Elizabethian English.

I had written those for the grooms and brides.

Thence Cal proferred his matching vows unto Quinn and the collected audience testifying for them.

Lola made it a bit more dramatic. She really screamed her wedding vows at the top of her lungs and passed out in drake’s arms. Well, she was up to that.

But Giordana Sparchez held her back in time. “Not yet! That’s after the final words of the conducting priest or judge.”

Tori, Shelby, and Viviana gasped.

Drake was a bit overwhelmed.

Finally, Pal declared the couples to be married. “OK, may we now move on to …” He could not finish his sermon.

Most of the pupils simply ran over him in order to make it fastest to the banquet rooms.

Quinn and Cal had just exchanged a very brief kiss.

Lola and Drake, on the otrher hand … Well, they had been practising for three years already.

Zoey needed to remind them of the remainder of the celebrations.

Lola shrugged and insisted in being carried by Drake.

Zoey shrugged.

And on we went.

80.3  The moment

The banquet hall was really crowded.

Jeremiah Trottman was taking pictures for the PCA News Channel.

Robert Shapiro had already been expelled by our security guards.

But Trottman was now no less annoying.

Alas, I still thought of the moment of the vows.

It had be totally overwhelming.

Much more was I worried about my impending separation from Addie.

I had to hurry up and dish out the rings.

Of course, Addie was only turning seventeen.

Thus I had to wait for still another year at least for the real wedding.

In addition, we were possibly separated by thousands of miles by then.

But was our will strong enough to overcome this?

I thought it to be.

Dustin had to change his suit.

Zoey was a bit embarrassed about this problem. She still fumbled at Dustin’s substitute suit.

Dustin winced and twitched. It was now his great moment. He had to open the wedding banquet.

Evvy Wexler, Kazu, and a few helpers had been cooking all morning long.

Dustin sighed. “OK, let’s distribute the wedding cake.”

The guests were waiting gleefuklly.

Zoey had put a lot of efforts into the design of the cake.

Dustin begged Quinn to cut her cake.

The geek girl grinned.

Dustin handed her a giant ceremonial sword.

Another sword made it into the hands of Lola.

Dustin counted down. “Cutting in five … four … three … two”

The swords sank into the cake.

But it didn’t feel like dough and cream, but rather like …

“Cotton Swabs!” squealed Lola at the top of her lungs.

Stacey started weeping. Along with her beloved Sinjin, she had made a cotton swab cake based on Zoey’s design, as a gift for Lola and Drake. But now she had to see her work burst into smithereens.

Evelyn Wexler showed up. “I’ve really made a wedding cake, according to Miss Brooks’s plans.”

So, where had the cake gone?

In the opposite corner, Samantha burped and rubbed her belly.

Her mouth was stained with chocolate cream.

We should have seen that coming.

It was totally embarrassing.

Dustin started weping, too.

Zoey and Carly took him into their arms.

Of course this had not been all Dustin’s fault.

Missy Robinson’s warnings had been clear.

A tiger was never going to change its stripe.

Samantha Puckett had not only done away with the cake, but also with half of the kitchen.

Neither Evvy nor Dustin had noticed anything.

Evelyn Wexler sighed. “OK, the only thing left are my ravioli. Ravioli anyone?”

Those stuffed dumplings had once made Coco Wexler totally addicted.

Now they were the very last resort.

80.4  Crimson orchid

The nect point in the list was the bouquet and the garter.

The girls had to gather around the fountain in the centre of the campus squeare in order to receive the bouquets thrown by Lola and Quinn.

Lola was the first to dispose with her flowers.

As aforementioned, there were no real roses.

Thus Lola’s bouquet consisted almost only of fake ones made of cotton swabs.

Alas, Zoey had been able to add one real flower, a deeply red orchid.

Zoey blindfolded Lola for the ‘free throw’.

Lola panted. Then she flang the bouquet towards the waiting girls.

Alas, the orchid had not been properly integrated into the fake flowers. It dropped off the bouquet.

Giordana Sparquez caught the bouquet of cotton swab flowers and showed it off.

Quinn went through the same procedure as previously Lola. She hurled the bouquet aloft.

Mindy jumped and caught the cotton swab bunch.

Then Cal stripped Quinn of her garter.

Drake was supposed to do that to Lola. “Can’t I simply rip all her garments off her?”

Zoey shook her head vigorously. “No way!”

Impatient Drae sighed deeply.

Lola did not part easily with her garter.

But finally the grooms were ready.

Drake started throwing Lola’s garter to the impatient bachelors.

David Couleda caught it with ease.

Likewise, Firewire had no problems securing himself the garter thrown by Cal.

Mr. Combover and Megan were now ready for performing the music for the wedding dance. They ordered the people to come to the square.

Megan explained, “I’ve chosen Verdi’s Celeste Aida for the dance.” She grinned. Then she rubbed her lips against the mouthpiece of her oboe.

Once more, music filled the air.

I found the lone orchid and picked it up before going to the dance with Addie.

‘Coconut Head’ started singing.

Celeste Aida, forma divina,
mistico raggio di luce e fior,
del mio pensiero tu sei regina,
tu di mia vita sei lo splendor.2

Listening and dancing to these words, I rendered the orchid unto Addie. I blushed deeply.

Addie blushed back. “Aw sweetie!” She kissed me lightly, making me swoon even more.

80.5  Kindle my soul

The wedding party was now down to its last flickers.

Zoey had assigned me to clean up after the guests.

Of course I had not been left alone with the task.

Michael was by my side. He had successfully escaped from having to play his flute at the wedding dance. But now he regretted it.

David and Giordana were still dancing, even long after the dissipation of the last quaver of Megan’s oboe fest.

Giordana sobbed. “Sorry for having been so cold unto you during America Sings.”

David sighed. “That’s OK> It was a huge pressure.”

Giordana added, “and Wade set us all up against each other.”

David panted, “I don’t doubt that. He’s such a pain in the tail.” He shivered.

The popstar asked, “would you mind singing a duet with me?”

David replied. “I’d love to, But when and where?”

Giordana shrugged. “I’ve got an appointment with Rock Records tomorrow for a trial.”

David beamed. “Sure thing!”

Giordana smiled and pluckered with her lips, waiting for David’s kiss.

I turned away, preferring to refrain from bothering the lovebirds.

But not only Giordana and David had come closer upon Megan’s performance of Celeste Aida.

Tori and Kendall smooched around in one of the corners.

Likewise, Viviana Martinez and James Diamond were pretty much excited by each other.

But had it beenthe lucky choice of ‘matching’ attendants, or had it been the ‘magical’ power of Megan’s oboe play to set many a heart and soul ablaze?

Likewise, I was now as close to Addie as never before. I decided not to wait any longer. That very Christmas I was going toshow Addie the rings of life.

1
rare cameos as a teacher for musics in Ned’s Declassified SSG
2
Heavenly Aida, godly figure, you’re the queen of my mind, mystic lightbeam and flower, the splendour of my life.

Chapter 81  Freddie Kills Fred

81.1  A perfect rainbow in Hell

Christmas morning was the moment for the gifts, especially my rings for Addie.

I stammered a bit for nervosity. But then I gave Addie the little box.

She opened them slowly.

Her eyes bugged out.

She squealed gleefully. “Chase, really?”

The Christmas gift for Addie had been perfect.

She kept on swooning for the rest of the year.

We had come a long way inspite of having known each other for almost a dozen of years.

This was really amazing.

But hell was breaking lose elsewhere in our lives.

I was totally stressed by the uncertainty of my prospects.

The play musical Make It Shine had been saved by Tori Vega’s help.

Buyt I had only been one of the co-authors. I still needed to come up with something written on my own in order to convince Sofia Michelle and the rest of the responsibles managing the Broadway.

And a failure would be disastrous.

Addie and I had thought of a wedding during the summer following her graduation from Pacific Coast Academy.

But this would have been difficult without a suitable job and a suitable place to live.

In other words, we had submitted ourselves to some enormous pressure. Were we going to put up with it?

81.2  A broken sensitivity

The new year started with a new segment for The Chase-and-Michael Show.

During the last months, a series of funny videos produced and submitted to the interweb by some Fredrick Ficklehorn1 had been the big attraction.

And we had even obtaine Fredrick’s license to exhibit these videos in our web show.

Of course there was no way for us to resist this fantastic offer.

Especially Michael was an undying fan for Fredrick Ficklehorn’s movies.

I wondered, “is that his real voice, or is it technically distorted?”

Fredward Benson shrugged. “Does it really matter?”

I scratched my hair.

It had survived Nicole’s onslaught and returned to its bushy normality.

At least my bushy curls were natural.

And two years ago, Mrs.Bromwell had been too stupid to believe me, yet asked over and over again.

This had been annoying.

I had gone through hell. So now I wanted to know about the naturality of Ficklehorn’s voice. And I was not going to give up ear obtaining an answer.

During the whole webcast, Michael kept on laughing his butt off.

It was impossible for Carly to get a word in.

And she needed to announce the next segments and stuff. Carly was more and more impatient.

But Michael did not decide to become any more silent.

His laughter made everything burst.

So I just had to do. I was certainly going to regret it.

But it had to be.

I took one of Mark del Figgalo’s old smelly socks and stuffed them imto Michael’s gaping mouth.

Carly glared aghast.

Michael started choking, coughing, and almost puking. He stammered angrily, “what are you doing … Chase?”

I declared, “Michael, Carly has to say something. Would you please shut up for a few minute? Thanks!”

Michael declared, “OK, I have to brush my mouth with mint essence. Be back in a few minutes.”

Carly panted after looking sternly at her watch. “OK, I wanted to announce another secret. But now it’s too late. Thanks, Fred, for entertaining us so much.”

I sighed deeply.

Carly continued, “There goes another session of iCarly. And next time, we will show you a few more of those amazingly hilarious Fred videos. Thanks! Bye! Hasta la vista, pantalones!”

I wondered. “Pantalones?”

Carly shrugged. “OK, I couldn’t think of anything better.”

I grinned. “It doesn’t really matter. Fredrick Ficklehorn was just too funny.”

Carly nodded.

Freddie remarked, “I don’t think so.”

Carly asked, “you don’t think what?”

Freddie confirmed, “Fred isn’t all that funny. Get real!” Unfortunately, he had forgotten to deactivate the microphones before saying so.

Michael returned. “Freddie? Are you insane? Fred’s videos are totally cool! Can’t you see that? You can’t say he’s bad.”

Freddie replied, “He’s not bad. But he isn’t really funny.”

I shrugged.

Did our viewers share Freddie’s or Michael’s opinion?

And how was Fredrick Ficklehorn going to react?

81.3  The bitterness of mortality

The very next day, Dustin stormed our dorm even ere six a.m.. He was excited and panted for terror. “Chase! Michael! Wake up!”

Michael yawned. “This is the automated answering machine of Michael Barret. Michael is just asleep. Please leave your message after the …”

I stammered, “the Russians are coming?”

Dustin pulled me out of the bed and urged me to go online.

I yawned when following his instructions.

Dustin commanded me to go to Splash Face and to click on Fred Is Dead.

My eyes were still not really in their holes.

Thus it took me a bit longer to check the situation.

But there we had it, emerald on pink:

“Freddie killed Fred.”

There was even a video message.

Dustin guided my hand in order to click the button.

Fredrick Figglehorn’s face was there. He said something tantamount to “Thanks, Freddie, for declaring my videos junk. Fred is now officially cancelled. Have a nice one!”

No more Fred-videos?

What the …

Michael slouched across the dormitory floor. Only then did he see the message. He gasped. “Fred is … dead? And it’s all Freddie’s fault?”

I could not talk.

Dustin sighed. “Isn’t he allowed to have his opinion?”

Michael moaned, “of course he is. But an opinion against Fred is definitely one to keep for yourself.”

Even worse, many of the Fred-fanatics were now probably upset at Chase-and-Michael Show as a whole. Or maybe they weren’t.

Dustin watched carefully through the window. He started stammering.

Even at that early time, a bunch of Fredophiles were hanging out on the open campus, wearing I Love Fred shirts.

Some of them carried a puppet holding a bloody dagger.

The puppet was named ‘Freddie’.

There were definitely banderoles saying “The Chase-And-Michael Show killed Fred”.

My fears had come true.

We could not even dare to enter the campus for the next two or three, or maybe foour or five … days, weeks, months …

Did it even matter?

We had killed Fred.

And now they were out for killing us, plain and simple.

Itwas totally unfair to Michael.

The latter was a total Fred fan.

Maybe Mark del Figgalo was not persecuted for just living with us? Then he could at least provide us with food and drinks from the cafeteria.

I did not want to starve while waiting for the packs of maniac fans to disappear.

Then again, they were probably control him, anyways.

And, if caught, he was probably going to be lynched.

There were many wonderful trees on this campus.

And there were some perfect ropes lying around in the janitor’s closets.

81.4  A curling shadow

The situation had been the same for two days.

But sooner or later, we needed come out of our hideout.

Michael needed to go to interviews for one or the other Jazz bands of hois choice.

I was still hoping for a career as a playwright at the Broadway.

But in New Yoork City, they were probaby at the bleedding edge of the Movement for the vindication of the murder of Fred Ficklehorn.

No person would want to have to do anything at all with a mean backstabber and assassin.

Was there any chance for a public change of mind?

And poor Freddie must have sbeen suffering even more.

It was already past curfew.

Mark del Figgalo snorted like a power chain saw.

Suddenly, I noticed shifting and undulating shades on the wall above Mark’s bed. I gasped.

A giggling voice from the shadows whispered, “be quiet, it’s me, Katie Knight!”

I coughed. “Shouldn’t you little kids be in bed?”

Katie glared at me with puppy eyes. “Watch whom you call a little kid! I’ve snuck into your dormitory room by means of the ventilation. You should use them too in order to get past the infuriated mob.”

I shrugged.

Katie explained,“OK, I’ve made someinteresting discovery.”

I shrugged again.

Katie continued, “look at these stats.” She opened her laptop. “Here we see the stats of access to Fred’s videos. The number of hits per day tripled during the last days, since Fred is Dead intinerates the interweb.”

I glared aghast.

Katie grinned. “It’s a cool trick by Fred to increase his site’spopularity. He wasn’t really insulted?”

I stammered,“cool? I’m not sure about … is the fear of fanatic Fred fans threatening to lynch you something cool?”

Katie giggled. “Have you already checked the stats of The Chase-and-Michael Show?”

I didn’t even know how to do that.

Katie cackled. “OK, three times as many hits as before. I tell you, publicity is half of your life. Due to my experiences as a manager of supermodel James Diamond …”

I gasped.

Katie sighed. “Truly, I tell you, you should make much more of it. Get Fred to come to our campus and make a movie with him. You are the perfect playwright. Fred is the perfect comedian.”

I shrugged. “How to get him to …”

Katie had already got a plan. “OK, Fredrick Ficklehorn has got a treehouse. Stacey Dillsen has built a treehous for Robert ‘Scooter’ Carmichael. Now connect the dots!”

I still didn’t understand.

Katie typed some mail. “We claim Robbie’s treehoiuse to be the best. Fred will come in order to check this. Bang! The perfect treehouse comedy. Now go and write a treehouse comedy, no less than 20 pages. You may leave the rest to me. Leave it all to me!2”

I sighed.

Katie’s plan better was good.

And my play should have been goin to be superb, too.

81.5  Falling from a cloud

Fredrick Ficklehorn had totally swallowed the bait. We was really upset by the claim of Scooter’s treehouse being better than his own. He was coming to Pacific Coast Academy in order to check the claim.

I still had to hide from Jeremiah Trottman and his deputy Robert Shapiro.

They accused Fredward Benson, me, Michael, and Carlotta Shay of having murdered Fredrick Ficklehorn.

Trottman’s interrogations were very annoying.

Finally, Fredrick Ficklehorn entered our campus. “Who dares to call his treehouse better than mine?”

Trottman nodded. “Yeah, how may any teehouse be greater than that of Fredrick Ficklehorn? That’s blasphemia!”

Many fans of Fred agreed aggressively.

Robbie Carmichael guided the famous Fred up the Jacob’s ladder to his treehouse.

Fredrick gasped. “Wow! What a perfect treehouse, the best sceneario for Fred videos! Who built that?”

Stacey Dillsen, wearing a shirt reading “I Love Fred”, raised her hand. “Me!”

Fred asked Stacey, “who are you?”

Stacey unleashed her usual sermon. “I’m Stacey Dillsen from Swampscott, Massachusetts …”

Fred was a bit dismayed by her slurring pronunciation.

Stacey handed him a model of the treehouse, made of cotton swabs and white glue.

The video star grinned. “OK, thanks … it will be a great reminder …”

Of course, his fans wanted him to make some new video on our campus.

Carly Shay showed up.“Hi Fred!”

Fredrick Ficklehorn grinned. “Hi, Carly! You want to make a video with ,e?”

Carly shook her head. “But Chase has written a short comedyto be played in the treehouse.”

I showed up. “Yeah, that’s correct, I …”

Fred grinned.

I rendered unto him some script. “Your text is underlined in pink.”

Fred chuckled.

I continued, “OK, and there’s your screen partner: Ashley Blake!”

Fred gasped. “Ashley Blake? The queen of kids?”

Ashley strutted. “The one and only!”

Fredrick Figglehorn gasped. “Aw my gosh! I had been a great fan of your tweenie movies.”

Ashley grinned arrogantly.

Fred was still totally flattered. “Will we make out afterwards?”

Ashley remarked in an ice cold manner, “you don’t even dare to!”

“No way,” bellowed Ashley’s fiancé Jett Stetson.

Vince Blake roared, “don’t stretch that, Fred!”

Fred sighed. “OK. What’s the video about?”

I explained, “Ashley plays an angel dropping off some passing clouds and landing in the treehouse. You have to host her and show her the way to the next airport in order to get back to the sky.”

Fred nodded. “Sounds great!”

I finally introduced Fredward Benson. “He is going to record the video.”

Fred looked at Freddie. “Sorry for all the fuss,”

Freddie sighed. “It’s OK. I’ve only been bullied for several days and got expelled from all clubs. I also have to replace my dormitory door. They wrote “Freddie the Ripper” onto it, with red industrial paint.”

Carly suggested. “OK,it’s now time for a cuddle.”

The masses roared,m “Cuddle! Cuddle! Cuddle!”

Fredrick and Fredward obeyed.

It was going to be a cool short comedy.

1
Fred from iCarly : iMeet Fred
2
allusion to a song by Miranda Cosgrove not owned by me

Chapter 82  A Smoking Colt

82.1  Letters from nowhere

The nationals had been very diasppointing for our speller bee team.

They had lost out to the team of Priorwood Prep1 from the state of Washington by one letter.

I comforted Dustin.

He complained, “it wasn’t fair. I’ve failed due to some word named dystopia. And then their captain, Nevel Papperman, got that word.”

Megan had also despaired. “At least that Nevel guy is a good recorder player, as well.”

Dustin sighed deeply.

I asked, “what is a dystopia anyways?”

Katie replied, “the sample usage was something like … you will rue this day until dystopia.” She shrugged. “It can’t be a nice thing.”

Megan nodded. “It’s sort of an utopia, but more pessimistic. Kind of cool, isn’t it?”

Dustin glared at Megan.

Zoey couldn’t join us in order to comfort her little brother. She was, among other things, for her nationals for art teams.

Of course this had not been the only mistake during the national spellers’ bee.

But Dustin had been prepared so well. He even knew to spell aforementioned hippopotomonstrous word forward and banckward.

But in the contest, everything was gone.

Dustin’s nervosity had increased from moment to moment.

He saw letters appearing in his mind from the middle of the land of nowhere.

This was terrible.

But at least Dustin had Carly to cheer him up.

Whwere was Carly Shay anyways?

We needed to prepare our next web session.

Time was pressing.

P … r … e … s … s … s … i … n … g — pressing.

Ouch, now the letters-from-nowhere fever had seized me, too.

I was not going to write my next plays very well.

82.2  Landing among the stars

I met Michael, Freddie, and Carly in order to talk about upcoming events in the show.

Carly smiled. “Kevin Colt2 has sent us …”

I scratched my head. “Who is Kevin Colt?”

Caerky explained, “his dad is the multiple mixed martial art champion of the milennium turn.”

I twitched and shivered. “Does he hit harder than Shelby?”

Michael nodded. “Shelby is still a teenage girl. Jackson Colt is an adult man, and an Afroamerican for that. He would defeat her for sure.”

Carly glared at Michael. “Do you want to say something like … we white girls are all weak and helpless?”

Michael nodded. “We Afroamericans are physically tougher than you whites. That’s genetically proven. Likewise, boys are strong than girls. That’s another genetic fact.”

Carly choked and coughed. “Really?” She grabbed Michael and pushed him across the dorm into his own bed, making him slump softly and without getting injured.

Michael whimpered for dismay. “Ouch! My wrong foot!”

Carly shrugged. “Keep on dreaming!” But she admitted that she had just taken Michael by surprise.

Michael grinned. “Jackson Colt could punch Shelby from here to the next galaxy and back.”

I had got a very hard time imagining that, especiallly the back part.

Carly shook her head.

I intervened, “hey! Why did Kevin contact us, anyways?”

Carly explained, “he has organised us backstage tickets for his dad’s fight in the Los Angeles Palace of Athletes.”

Michael grinned. “Yeah! He will beat the white wannabe champions into a bloody bulp!”

We looked quizzically at Michael.

He choked. “OK, I haven’t said anything!”

Shelby Marx stumbledin. “Hey! You think I can’t handle Jackson Colt?”

Michael grunted, “hardly …”

Shelby boomed, “I’ve beaten Maya Feckner3 into smithereens. I may stand a chance to Jackson.”

Michael tried to laugh. But he did not want to get kicked into his sogtest spots by the vigorous amazon.

Shelby announced, “I’m going to challenge Jackson at the open event. And then I will punch your face.” She chuckled. Of course she would not have done the latter.

But Michael did not get the joke. He squealed and whimpered like a baby.

We cackled with glee.

Carly was hell-bent on not only accepting the backstage tickets, but also to make a specialepisode of The Chase-and-Michael Show covering the event, including the challenge between Shelby Marx and Jackson Colt.

Sam wanted to go to the event, as well. Buit she knew about the insanity of challenging Jackson. Thus she refrained from it.

Alas, before going to the event, we needed the permission of Dean Ruckner and of our parents.

Well, I didn’t need the latter. I was already eighteen years old.

But Carly’s age was only fifteen.

Thus Spencer’s consent was necessary.

And Freddie?

Oh no, we better gave up on his mom’s green permission.

It just wasn’t going to happen.

Also, Zoey, by now Dustin’s guardian, was still overprotective.

82.3  Last breath

We were now here in the Athlete’s Palace.

Dean Ruckner had given me and Michael the permission.

But Spencer Shay had refused to allow Carly to join in.

And, of course, Marissa Benson was adamantly opposed to Freddie attending the ‘dangerous’ event.

Thus it was all down to me and Michael.

I was horribly afraid of all the muscle monsters. I would have preferred to avoid this event.

But someone had to do that for Carly.

Freddie had hidden microchips and cams in our clothes.

Carly was waiting on the other end in order moderate the pictures sent by pur hidden jacketcams.

There were Kevin and Colt.

Kevin introduced us immediately to his father.

I avoided a handshake.

He would probably have squeezed my hands to bloody goo without shedding a drop of sweat.

Then we had got some special task to perform.

Carly had asked us to measure the perimeter of Jackson’s arm muscles.

I twitched and trembled like aspen leaves when standing only three foot away from the colossus.

One wrong move would have triggered my final breath.

We had measured his arms successfully.

Carly told us across the wireless connection, “his arms are thicker than my head.”

I twitched even more.

Shelby showed up. She was already dressed in a gym suit. “aw hi, Jackson!”

Colt knew Shelby from TV. “Aw, hi congrats for your championship!”

Inspite of Jackson’s acknowledgement, Shelby appeared so fragile compared to the goliath of Los Angeles. She was in a much lighter weight class. Nevertheless, she dared to say “up for a challenge, Jackson?” She grinned.

Many random onlookers gasped.

Jackson shrugged. “Why not, lady?”

Jeremiah Trottman showed up. He was about interviewing the athletes. He started bothering Shelby. “Is this a bet?”

The martial princess turned around and stuck Trottman to the ground with her little finger. “Annoying paparazzi!”

Colt nodded solemnly.

A representants of the sponsors walked in. “Fivethousand bucks if you stand through three rounds against Colt, even as a loser.”

Shelby accepted the stakes.

But I had got an uneasy feeling.

Carly followed our pictures with mixed feelings, too.

We had to watch various other fights during the next half of an hour.

Finally, Shelby and Jackson entered the cage.

A female teenage lightweight vs. a male adult super-heavyweight, that did not look like a peer match.

But the umpire blew the whistle.

The fight was on.

Shelby Marx had got but one chance: She was a lot more agile and mobile than Jackso Colt. Thus she worked hard on jumping around his lethal fists, waiting to land a counterblow every now and then.

This went on and on for twoi minutes.

Suddenly, Shelby avoided another power punch by swift ducking. Then she landed a counter blow againstJackson’s belly.

The colossus choked and squealed for agony.

Shelby was shocked. She must have hit unwittingly a very sensitive spot of the Goliath.

Jackson Colt stumbled around aimlessly.

Shelby had to try hard to avoid getting stomped all over by the staggering titan.

The umpire declared an RSC, i.e. Referee stops contest.

But Jackson did not notice anything. He kept on stumbling. Finally, the mindless colossus hit the walls of the cage with his head. He screamed in agony and sliumped gracelessly to the ground.

Shelby had to jumpe aside in order to avoid getting squished.

The cagehad now been lifted.

Shelby could leave it. But she was now worried about her opponent and cried for the medics.

Dr. Birnbaum diagnosed a semi-comatose state. He had to calm the mindless Achilles with some syringes.

Shelby choked hard.

Were Jackson’s fans, and his son Kevin, ever going to forgive her the unanticipated carnage?

My jaws had dropped already before, almost causing a minor earthquake.

Of course that caused by slumping Jackson Colt had been worse.

Carly had apparently lost her speech, too.

That was nothing good.

Shelby started weeping.

I was still speechless

82.4  Darkness becomes me

Things did not come better upon our return to the campus of the Pacific Coast Academy.

I had never seen Shelby Marx weep before.

She may have hurt opponents in a fight.

But something like this had been hitherto unbeknownst to even the toughest of all power girls.

Carly took care of hapless Shelby.

I was still under shok. I should never have went to the combat centre.

Michael was even worse off. He started stammering a lot of nonsense, crying for his grandma all night long.

His legend of the invulnerability of male Afro-American colossi had been busted into smithereens within just a few minutes.

Only Samantha Puckett showed no signs of confusion. “I had witnessed scenes like that at home for several years. So what?”

Now Carly felt increasingly guilty. “Why did I have to insist in making this special of the Chase-and-Michael Show?” She sobbed bitterly.

I felt urged to tell Quinn about the whole thing.

Unfortunately, she was not in Pasadena. She was on a trip to the CERN, a European centre for nuclear research, in Switzerland.

This was kind of, sort of a honeymoon trip for Cal and Quinn.

She gave us an explanation. “Shelby must have hit oneof those rare superficial nerves working as an energy centre. This is used in Chinese acupuncture and acupressure therapy. The impact has kind of switched off Jackson Colt’s power in one moment. Poof! Bang! The right speed, the right angle, correcttiming … Only a true master can do this in a controlled manner.”

I twitched and shuddered for horror.

Shelby had not known anything about all that stuff.

It had been completely random.

Shelby had endangered herself by her action.

Until being calmed by Birnbaum’s syringe, mindless Jackson Colt had been a walking landmine.

So noone should ever dare to see any intention in Shelby’s diisastrous martial attack.

But this did not really help Shelby in her situation.

Logan Mitchell wondered endlessly. He was going to research everything researchable about all the stuff. “Maybe I can reverse the effect with similar means?” Like Quinn, Logan held a medical deputy license.

But his experience had been zilch.

Was he really up to doing the trick?

Or what else did have the potential of restoring Jackson Colt’s sanity and Shelby Marx’s ease of mind?

82.5  Suffocating darkness

Zoey and Stacey were now preparing for their nationals.

But most kids were still shocked by the accident sending martial csar Jackson Colt into some all-smothering darkness.

Needless to say, the awkward accident was an issue in our next edition of the Chase-and-Michael Show.

Carly sobbed.

Michael was mad at himself. “My stupidity has instigated the whole match.”

Shelby knew this to be wrong. But she was still apathetical.

Of course, Freddie’s mom had been rightt.

Those mixed martial events were not for teenagers.

And Spencer had struck the same chords.

It was one of the most tedious sessions of our show, ever.

We had to torture us into saying each and every single word.

Alas, there were noises at our door.

Usually, we were no really keen on getting disturbed.

But it was Mark Del Figgalo.

So what could we say?

He happened to live here. Mark had got something to say. “hey, there’s a seven-foot guy with limbds like tree trunks looking for you …”

The description matched Jackson Colt.

Or did he have a twin brother, equally stromg?

Aw my gosh.

The guy was going to squish us like flies. And therehe was.

I trembled like a cube of gelantine.

The colossus came up to me. “Hey! Is Shelby here?” Was he out for revenge?

Hey, Shelby was probably the only one able to defend herself, just in case …

The colossus walked in. “Shelby!”

Shelby gasped. “Jackson?”

Colt nodded.

Shelby sighed deeply. “I’m so sorry for …”

Jackson Colt sighed deeply. “That’s OK. It shouldn’t havehappened, but things like that may happen in martial arts.”

Shelby sighed deeply.

Carly sobbed. “Time for a cuddle?”

Michael beamed. “Cuddle! Cuddle! Cuddle!”

Shelby and Jackson pbeyed.

Freddie zoomed in, as close as can be.

We decided to conclude the session with this picture.

But how had Jackson Colt recovered that fast?

Megan Parker and Matthew noid sent as a message with an innocent grin.

Was Megan’s magics behind it?

Megan had restored Doheny. Then she had effected the miraculous performance at the talent show. And now she achieved this. The girl was scary!

1
mentioned in iCarly : iMight Switch Schools
2
Kevin and Jackson Colt appear only in iCarly : iLook Alike
3
cameo from iCarly : iFight Shelby Marx

Chapter 83  Counterfeiters

83.1  Life on white wings

Zoey’s nationals, taking place in New York City, were right in front of us.

But not only the art club, consisting of Zoey, Stacey, Sinjin, Crony, and Maria, was bound there.

Viviana Martinez had to accompany them. She was the model presenting Zoey’s project for the contest, a finely-crafted wedding dress.

Zoey had expanded her original design and crested several styles demonstrable on the fly.

Viviana was a professional model. And she worked on and off for aforementioned fashion label Mad Style in the heart of New York City. She was often on the road between New York City and Los Angeles. She almost lived there and had got a set teacher in order to let her learn even while absent from classes at Pacific Coast Academy.

Harry Joiner was still the adviser of the club. He had to calm down the excessively excited kids. “My first time in New York … I was only seven years old. But I already knew to become a great sculptor, one day at least, and furnish one of the greatest galleries. Then it took me thirty years to make this dream come true.”

Zoey sighed deeply. She was patient. But was she as patient as Harold Joiner?

Last but not least, I shared that flight with them. I had finally got an appointment for an interview at the Broadway.

We arranged it conveniently to coincide with the nationals of art.

Back at Pacific Coast Academy, Missy Robinson was going to sub for me.

Our plane dived up and down into the clouds.

The wings of the plae were silverish grey.

But the clouds entouring them made them appear white.

Viviana sighed. She really lived in this world of white wings.

I, on the other hand, hoped to settle down in one place and not have to switch forth and back every other week.

That place, of course, should have been the Broadway.

Finally, our plane came down from the dark grey sky above New York in order to touch down in the city of the never-dying neon lights.

Stacey had been blathering in a slurred manner the whole flight through.

I was now glad for a chance to recover from that.

83.2  Beneath the blue

Back on the solid ground, I felt so infinitely small.

Of course, the impending interview made me totally excited.

Suddenly, my cell phone rang.

I picked it up. “Chase Bartholomew Matthews…”

It was Missy Robinson.

She had got some annoying news. “Dingo Channel has copycatted our show.”

I gasped. “What?”

Missy told me about a few details.

The whole skits written for Lola Martinez had been stolen.

Missy asked, “should I send them poisoned nachos1? Megan has suggested something like that.”

I scratched my head. “Maybe as a last resort. But first ask Claire Sawyer, future lawyer for help.”

Missy grunted, “if you wish. Carly has said something similar. But poisoned nachos would be more fun.”

I sighed deeply.

Missy was probably right.

But it wasn’t exactly legal.

So they better looked for other solutions.

Finally, I reached the previousle agreed-on meeting spot.

Sofia Michelle had been a little bit late. But there she was. She had gotb a hard time remembering me.

I must have grown an insane lot in six years.

Well, most teenagers grow a lot during that time of their life.

Bear with it!

I told her about the problems with Dingo Channel.

Michelle shrugged. She did not know Dingo.

Those beasts were only active along the Pacific Coast, from San Diego to Vancouver.

Michelle nodded. “Thwey must be total lamers.”

This explained everything.

They were lame enough to steal from our web show.

The star playwright explained, “I can smell plagiarism for miles. If you need to go to court, I’ll come as a witness.”

I nodded solemnly. “Thanks!”

But then we had to talk about my potential future work at Broadway.

Sofia explained, “you will be given a trial period of eighteen months for low pay. Your works so far look great, but it is only a start. This is a hard time, and a great peril. If you fail, everythingf will be lost. Many have tried, only a few have succeeded. Are you up to this?”

I nodded solemnly. After over ten years of dreaming and preparations, I had to trie at last.

Sofia was particularly impressed by my plays with Ashley Blake. “It’s incredible. I came to know her. She deems herself above the necessity of learning texts. But you’ve really squeezed the best out of her.”

I was totally flattered.

Working with Ashley Blake had been an incredible pain in the guts.

The short movie with Fredrick Ficklehorn and Ashley Blake had finally done it in.

Sofia also praised my skits for Lola Martinez. “She’s the embodiment of urbban naïvity par excellence.”

I was now looking forward to my work for the Broadway, notwithstanding all the perils and hardships to come.

83.3  Frozen fire

The next day, I had to do a lot of office runs in order to register and sihgn the contracts.

For lunch, I was appointed with Viviana in a little pub named Snackleberry Inn.

This was New York City’s most famous hobo-themed pub. It looked really cool.

Manager Bingo2 was very funny.

Viviana could not eat too much fat stuff. She needed to stay slim for her job.

I didn’t have to care, so I ordered everything deep fried with ketchup.

Viviana asked me about my interview.

“It was nice,” I replied, “and I get a contract on approbation. ”

Viviana smiled. “Contracts. Oh, you don’t mind me bringing some other friend from New York City to this lunch?”

I shook my head. “Of course not, why?”

Viviana chuckled. Then she whistled innocently.

A guy in my age walked in.

It rtook me a few momtnts to remember this person.

I roared, “Jimmy Madigan!”

He beamed “Chase!”

Long years had passed since our incounter in Camp Country.

Viviana chuckled. She had arranged that nicely. “Come on, now cuddle! I love watching cuddling guys.” She snickered.

I wrapped my arms tightly about Jimmy.

He hugged me back.

Viviana applauded, and she had instigated others into joining in.

We sat down.

I wondered, “what are you doing now?”

Jimmy grinned. “I’m working as a mail deputee at my uncle’s enterprise, Mad Style.”

I gasped.

Mad Style was Zoey Brooks’s potential future company.

Jimmy explained, “it’s very interesting to stamp mail. Each day, there’s another date.”

I cackled.

Viviana explained,“I was once close topdating Jimmy. But really, there’s only one James for me, viz. James Diamond.”

I smiled.

Viv continued, “not James Madigan, and not james Garrett, either.”

I wondered, “James Garrett?”

Viv sighed deeply. “when he was new at Pacific Coast Academy, I had a deadly rush on him.”

I shrugged. “Too many girls did..”

The supermodel nodded solemnly.

Jimmy had now got a band named Fire and Ice. “This name increased our popularity drastically. We used to be called Diarrhea.”

Viviana wrinkled her nose.

I sighed. “Yeah, it’s a real improvement.” I imagined a flame burning in the midddle of an ice cube.

Jimmy asked me, “so, as you aere now coming to New York City, have you already found a place tolive?”

I shook my head. I hadn’t evenb come to look for it.

It was certainly extremely hard in a city like this.

Jimmy explained, “really, my apartment is a bit big for me alone. Would you mind moving in?”

My heart stood still. “You mean … you and I share an apartment?”

Jimmy nodded gleefully. “Exactly!”

We hi-fived on site.

Viviana Martinez grinned.

Now I was wondering about our artists.

83.4  Better left unsaid

There we were right i the middle of the museum of contemporary art in New York City.

The exposition was impressive.

There were only two schools left for the big finale.

One of them was our team.

Zoey was now the captain. She beamed proudly.

Viviana was now wearing her creation. But she was a bit sad.

This was because of the other team.

The last opponent was the team of Parks High, a nearby regular school. It was not only our current opponent.

Dean Ruckner had been its principal before making his way down to the Pacific Coast Academy.

And both Jimmy and Viviana were friends with some of its pupils.

The captain of the hostile team was True Jackson, Vice President of Mad Style. She was really only fifteen or sixteen years old.

This made her really impressive.

After the departure of Ruckner, vice principal Parks3 had taken over the school and named it after herself.

This was really audacious, wasn’t it?

Whatever, the judges had now come to a decision.

The suspense increased.

The head of the committee of judges was one Miss Fielder4, a teacher for art at Seattle’s community college.

I was cheering for Zoey’s team.

But, finally, the judges had settled on a verdict.

Miss Fielder started talking.

It was a long sermon.

Alas, finally, she moaned, “and the winner is … the team of Pacific Coast Academy.”

Zoey, Stacey, Maria, Crony, and Sinjin bounced around and cheered.

True congratulated Zoey, anyways. “So, you are going to work for our branch in Los Angeles?” Inspite of being disappointed, she told Zoey a lot of interesting stuff about Mad Style.

Zoey had not yet signed a contract.

Jimmy tapped my shoulders. “Hi, Chase, may I introduce … Maximilian Madigan, the man behind Mad Style.”

I shook hands with the csar of fashion.

Max Madigan talked to me about the plagiarism of Dingo’s. “Those copycats will punish themselves in the end. The truly competent customer may tell copy from original.”

I was reminded from Mindy’s attempt of plagiarising Zoey’s backpacks.

So, basically, what was valid for fashion was also valid for shows.

I picked my cellular phopne and called Carly in Los Angeles. “Our team has won.”

Carly grinned. “OK, don’t tell any of the teams members about this call.”

I shrugged. “If you say so …”

Max Madigan also shook hands with Zoey. “No, Zoey Brooks will not work for our branch in Los Angeles.”

Tue and Zoey pouted.

Max continued, “she will run oour branch, as a new VP.”

Zoey’s eyes bugged out. “Really?”

Max Madigan nodded. “Welcome in the company!”

True cheered for Zoey.

83.5  Flying amidst a rainbow

Of course our artists had been celebrating the long way home.

We had been like flying across and finally somewherte over the rainbow.5.

But also this flight had come to an end.

Finally, we reached the campus.

Dustin had fetched us at the airport, along with custodian Gordy. But now he ran away, instead of heloping Zoey with her luggage.

She cursed a lot. As a winner, Zoey had expected some better treatment. She cursed and swore.

All of a sudden, Dustin turned round, thundering, surprise!

Of course, the kids had prepared some solemn reception for the winning team.

Megan showed up with her oboe.

She dragged Michae across the campus.

He was forced to play his flute.

Samantha Puckett showed up with her trombone.

Carly grinned and walked up to her sweetie Dustin.

Music filled the air.

Carly, Dustin, and Matthew Palmer Noid started singing the march of glory from Giuseppe Verdi’s Aida.

Gloria alla PCA
Al Dean che il campo regge,
inni festosi alziam
Gloria al Dean.6

Dean Ruckner was equally surprised when walking up to us in order to congratulate the team.

These were the first nationals won under Ruckner’s rule.

S’intrecci il loto al lauro
Sul crin dei vincitori
Nembo gentil di fiori
Stenda sulle arme un vel.7

A cannon fired a cataract of flowers upon us.

We marched along.

Danziam’, ragazze della PCA
Le mistiche carole
Come d’intorno al sole
Danzano gli astri in ciel.8

Zoey was still astonished.

Vieni, o guerriero vindice,
vieni a gioir con noi;
Sul passo degli eroi,
Sul passo degli eroi,
i lauri, i fior versiam!9

It was the most victorious day at this school since my very first arrival on the campus.

1
cf. Drake & Josh : I Love Sushi
2
from True Jackson VP : Saving Snackleberry
3
a teacher recurring in True Jackson VP, second season
4
from iCarly : iMust Have Locker 239
5
allusion to a sone by Harburg and Arlen, not owned by me,either
6
Hail thee, PCA, the dean ruling over the campus, let’s raise solemn hymns. Hail thee, Oh Ddean.
7
Splice lotus and laurel into a winners’ crown! Let a gentle cloud of flowers veil the weapons!
8
Girls of PCA. let’s dance the mystic carols, just as the stars in the sky dance around the sun.
9
Come on, victorious warrior, come and celebrate with us! Let’s throw the flowers and the laurel during with the heroes passing by us!

Chapter 84  Good-Bye, PCA!

84.1  The beginning of goodbye

My last weeks at Pacific Coast Academy filled me with more and more sadness.

I tried top spend more time than before with my beloved Addie.

Living across the continent was not going to be easy for me.

And the next twelve months were part of the probatory contract with the Broadway.

And thus I was not able to afford making a mistake.

Of course, Addie was going to look for an occupation near New York City afterwards. Maybe she could even find a place to work at the Broadway.

This, of course, woukld have been paradise.

Addie had also been an occasional guest of the Chase-and-Michael Show.

Sofia Michelle was even somewhat keen of her performance.

But by no means did she want to get a job just because of our relationship. She deemed that unfair. She wanted to deserve it on her own.

And, of course, being a novice on probation at Brroadway did not provide me with the necessary power to promote potential postulants, anyways.

Saying good-bye to Michaelwas by all means going to be the hardest.

He had recently been accepted in Chicago Jazz Theater.

His acquaintance with Gregory Pedillo, promotyed and established especially by Samantha Puckett, had finally been the catalysator for this move.

Gregory Pedillo was for Michael Barret approximately tantamount to what Sofia Michelle was for me.

84.2  How do I say goodbye?

Fredward Benson counted down. “Online in five … four … three … two …”

This was our last edition of the Chase-and-Michael Show.

Well, it was the last one with me and Michael.

Carly was going to keep it continue it without us.

But was it still the same show?

Carly let the viewers decide.

Freddie had suggested to rename it to iCarly after our departure.

I did not mind.

But Carly did not want to get rid of our memory. She announced our impending departure.

The highlights of our common time had certainly been the encounters with Fredrick Ficklehorn and with Jackson Colt towards the end of our show.

We had been plagiarised.

But our ‘future lawyer’ had fought back for us and got Dingo to shut down.

Carly would have preferred to avoid informing me about during my days in New York City, in order to prevent me from getting overly excited about it and thus distracted from the purpose of my field trip.

But it went all well.

Missy had just tried to prevent Samantha Puckett from becoming Carly’s co-moderator. She deemed her for no good, as aforementioned.

But the viewers decided in favour of Samantha Puckett as a co-moderator, and in favour of keeping the name of the show.

Anyways, Michael and I, we were now supposed to say good-bye toour viewers. But we had no clue as of how to do that.

I glared at Michael, and vice versa.

We wanted Varly to do that for us.

But how could she do this?

84.3  The power of goodbye

The senior prom was my last full day on the campus of the Pacific Coast Academy.

Zoey and Crony had been busy making our outfits.

Unlike dutring our junior prom, there had not been any annoying incidents.

David R. Couleda and Giordana Sparquez provided us with thge music.

They were backed up fantabulously by Tori Vega and Kendall Knight.

Drake and Lola were still on their honeymoon trip.

Lola had sent me a few cards from their hotels.

Really, they had to split their honeymoon trip into a series of mini trips due to Drake’s band and Lola’s movie.

We had to think a lot about them.

I was dancing quite closely to Addie.

Michael did the same with Wendy.

Zoey had hardly got the occasion to dance with Crony.

Dustin, once more responsible for the snacks, was keeping on nagging her. Hwe suffered a lot from Zoey’s good bye.

But Zoey was just moving to the other end of Los Angeles, an hour’s car trip at most. She was still responsible for Dustin in some ways. And she was coming to visit him regularly.

But not seeing her on the campus on a daily base was hard to imagine for Dustin.

Crony could live with visits on weekends.

I remembered the good-bye of Quinn, Mindy, and Firewire.

But they had just moved to the other end of Los Angeles.

Zoey’s potential departure to London had been of a totally different nature.

But Zoey had come back pretty soon.

Lola’s departure was not so bad, either. She kept on living in Hollywood.

Most of us graduates did something like that: Zoey, Stacey, Vince, Logan, Lisa, Dana, Niccole …

Zoey was up to running the Los Angeles office of Mad Style.

Stacey was going to work for the Los Angeles Museum of Pop Art.

Vince was now going to work as Shelby’s sparring partner.

Logan was going to work as a male model at Hollywood.

Lisa Pewrkins had a record contract at Revolutionary Records.1

Dana worked as a female body builder in various bars of Los Angeles.

Nicole went to Hollywood Vocational College for Beauty Professions in order to become a hairstyler for movies and theatres.

The exceptions were Michael and I.

Thus we were going to be the last to leave this campus.

84.4  Think of me

Michael Barret left the campus together with me.

We were the last graduates to do this step.

I had sobbed piteously during the departure of Stacey.

But now it was my own turn for doing the same.

We passed the fountain in the centre of the campus square.

i close my eyes and tossed my last coins into the rushing water.

Megan Parker, just as promised, had tuned her oboe in order to play one last tune for us graduates right before our departure.

Dustin sang along.

It was immortal Robert Burns’ Auld Acquaintance.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my jo,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet
Four auld lang syne.

Megan removed her lips from the mouthpiece of her instrument.

Ashley sobbed.

I had never seen the ice-cold diva in such a situation.

Many other middle school kids sobbed along with Dustin and Ashley.

But Megan’s oboe was now in action once more.

Dustin’s voice fille the air.

We twae hae paided i’ the burn
Frae morning sun til dine
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my jo,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet
Four auld lang syne.

Dustin started weeping. Of course he wqas most sad about Zoey’s departure.

Carly was, of course, by his side in order to cqalm him.

Her first days away from Spencer had been by no means easier.

But there was no way back.

I was already sitting in my car.

Michael played with his keys.

Wendy and Addie stood close to our car, sobbing like crazy.

Dustin forced himself into one more stanza.

Megan lowered her head. She couldn’t watch Dustin weeping. Now she played like a machine.

There’s a hand, my trusty fiere
And gie’s a hand o’ thine,
We tak a right gude-willie waught
For auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my jo,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet
Four auld lang syne.

Michael started the motor of his old new car.

We waved at our old friends for one last time, with billowing tears in our eyes.

Then the car started moving.

Addie and Wendy had to support each other in order to refrain from slumping to the macadamised ground.

The car slithered and vacillated, as if reluctant to leave the site.

But it had to be.

We were not going to forget about any of those kids watching our departure with tears all over their face.

84.5  One final look back

The roads leading to and from the campus of the Pacific Coast Academy were winding up the coastal braes in serpentine manners.

This left us with the possibility of seeing the campus to our left hand side every now and then while making our way to the highway to nowhere.

Michael halted his car at a particularly broad spot of the road.

From there, the Pacific Coast Academy looked totally small and peaceful.

But what a fuss and excitement had it been upon my very first arrival?

Everything had been so huge and wild.

Had I really grown so much? Or had I just become accustomed to the whole giant mess?

This was very hard to answer.

Maybe it was a bit of either.

I could have stayed her for much longer.

But time was running out on me.

I had to make it to the airport in order to catch my flight to New York City.

The engines howled.

I had to concentrate on my way to the airport.

The Pacific Coast Academy was now a place I had come to know.

1
record label appearing in Victorious : Birthweek Song

Chapter 85  Spreading The News

1

85.1  Into the river

Since early childhood, my alternative had been No way or the Broadway!

And there I was.

This was the Broadway. Physically, it looked broad, indeed.

But the name was deceptory, oh-so-deceptory.

Theway to fame and glory in the show business was anything but broad, straightforward, and smooth. It was increasingly narrow like a bottle neck, and curvy and paved with rough-hewn stones. Or maybe it was more of a river than a road. Sometimes, it was deep inough to drown. Sometimes, it was shallow enough to get stranded on a sandbank.

Sometimes you had to swim against cataracts.

Whatever, I was now bound on this way.

And, as anticipated, the first year was going to be the hardest.

Needless to say, only very few were ultimately able to pass along this way.

At least I was not alone in the endless city through these graceless times.

Jimmy Madigan was kind enough to share his apartment with me.

Needless to say, the wages of a beginner were moderate, compared to the numbers written by star artists.

And even those were low when compared to some Holywood csars.

Hollywood had got the money and the quantity..

But the Broadway had got its pride, and more quality.

Now it was certainly not going to be easy for me to avoid getting lost in the endless city, in whatever sense of the word.

85.2  I wish upon tonight

Jimmy had showed me around in his apartment.

My bed was a couple of mattresses and a few blankets on top.

But this did not prevent me from dreaming, did it?

As remembered, there was that saying about first dreams at a new home.

And this was my first night in Jimmy’s apartment.

So I made a few wishes concerning the dreams.

Those were supposed to come true, according to grandma.

I scrolled back in my mind to my arrival at Pacific Coast Academy.

OK, the situation was hard to compare.

Back then, I had been a little boy of eleven years. Now I was almost ninteen. And I had to struggle hgard in order to earn me a chance for a life at the Broadway.

But there was still the same sense of wonder in my eyes.

Jimmy was nice. Unfortunately, he was a drummer of a band, aforementioned Fire and Ice.

And the skills of a good drummer did not come from nowhere.

Jimmy had to practise a lot.

And drumming practice was generally connected with noise.

And that noise had got the colateral efect of preventing me from sleeping.

I wallowed on my mattresses. But I was tired enough to fall asleep anyways. But I did not really get to dream.

And this was not really down to Jimmy Madigan’s drumming practice.

I could not help wondering about my old friemds. Thus I got up in the middle of the night in order to send a couple of SMS.

The Californian kids were three hours behind.

Thus some of them were still awake and replied.

Addie had to tell alot about the begin of her new year. She was very excited. And, of course, she asked me about my adventures here in New York City.

Unfortunately, there was not yet much to say, except feeling a bit hanging in the wind.

Addie wished me good luck for the start of my work.

I really needed that. Then I also messaged Mark del Figgalo, Zoey Brooks, Stacey Dillsen, Michael Barret, Dustin Brooks, and Lola Martinez.

Now my head started turning around.

That had really been too much for my first day in New York City.

85.3  Warped

Now it was time for starting with my regular schedule here in New York City.

Now I was finally thrown into my new working place.

I felt like automagocally transported from my old life at Pacific Coast Academy into this new world at the Broadway.

Sofia Michelle had already been awaiting me in her office.

I cowered into one of the chairs standing around.

Maybe itwas the wrong chair?

There could have been hierarchical codes for the usage of chairs.

Sofia started taklking, “OK, let’s see.” She was going to assign me some beginners’ tasks.

What exactly were those?

I expected something like brushing the floor of the stage, or greasing the stage curtains.

Nobody wanted the hear them squeak at the beginning of each act.

And I was allergic to squeaking sounds.

Sofia grinned. “You have started out writing plays for your school’s drama club?”

Of course I had started even before that.

But it had been one of my early occupations as a playwright.

So I nodded anyways, albeit rather timidly.

Sofia explained, “well, we work together with many schools in New York City and its closer environment.”

I shrugged. “Aw, you do?”

Sofia glared at me. “Of course, we also work with schools from far away. even in Los Angeles, and you know that.”

Of course I knew. I still remembered her visit to the Pacific Coast Academy upon the première of Finally Falling.

Sofia continued, “this year, for example, I am invited to the première of Finally Falling at Hollywood School Of Arts. Principal Eichman is very careful and will prepare a great performance. here in New York City, we’ve got an equivalent, a prep school named Broadway School Of Show Business. And I’m of course most closely involved with their drama classes.”

I smiled. “Good for you!”

It sounded totally logical.

Sofia nodded. “But, of course, Eichman’s school is specialised for future entertainers on the big stage. This is not the case for each and every district schools in New York City.”

I could imagine that. In fact, I supposed none of the state-run schools to be specialised in drama.

Sofia continued, “and that’s where my deputies come into the scene. You will work together with the drama clubs of the district schools here. Annd, as a total beginner, you will be responsible for the contacts to the school with the lousiest of all drama clubs ever seen on earth.”

I should have seen that coming.

But protesting would have been in vain.

Sofia was the president of the Broadway Playwright Guild.

And thus her word was law.

But what was the school with the worst possible drama club like?

I could not expect to find talents like Lola Martinez, Kendall Knight, Tori Vega, Jett Stetson, or Ashley Blake in there, could I?

It was certainly a run-down school.

I shuddered for anticipation of the worst.

Mrs. Michelle continued, “so, this is your school, … Parks High.”

I twitched.

Wasn’t that the school of True Jackson, Vice President of Mad Style, the top fashion label of the US?

My heart jumped up and down.

Maybe I was going to work together with that amzing artist.

Zoey had been amazing, too.

And working togethe with her had always been great.

Why should it have been any different with True Jackson?

I stammered, “yeah, sure!”

Of course, the fact of Jimmy Madigan working for his uncle Max, boss of Mad Style, made things much easier and more interesting.

Now I did not only felt like thrown into the world of Broadway, but also the life at another school.

85.4  The life inside

And this was my first day as an auxiliary adviser for the drama club at Parks High.

The school looked pretty clean and normal from the outside.

And there was nothing particularly unclean withing, either.

So … where was the problem?

Why did this school get renowned as one with the worst drama club ever?

Jimmy Madigan had talken me to this school in his car, a patchwork from older once. He was too proud to beg his super-rich uncle for a new one.

Whatever the situation, I had found the way to the classroom of the drama club.

Mrs. Parks was already waiting. She looked totally grumpy.

And I wasn’t even late, but, rather, ten minutes early, inspite of having had to find my way through a bunch of chaos.

And the pupils weren’t here, either.

Mrs. Parks didn’t look that old, But this had not prevented her from being more stern than Dean Rivers in his worst days.

The pupils started dropping in.

True Jackson was one of the first. She scratched her head. “Hey, aren’t you … Jimmy’s friend from California?”

I had to correct her. “I’m really from Pennsylvania. But I had studied in California.”

True beamed. “That’s cool! I always wanted to visit Hollywood and make costumes for the stars on site.”

I sighed. “Trust me, Hollywood isn’t as great as people think it from afar.”

True nodded. “Probably.” Then she started introducing me to her friends. “This is Lulu.”

A partly asian girl with long, dark hair waved at me and smiled.“Hi!”

I shook hands with Lulu.

Then True continued, “and this is my other best friend, Ryan Laserbeam.”

Ryan shook hands with me.

I gasped. “Laserbeam? Such as Stuart Laserbeam?” I remebered that alumnus of Pacific Coast Academy from our common time.

Ryan was shocked. “You do know Stu?”

I replied, “er, yeah …” I started talking about our common times during my first year of middle school.

True and Lulu looked puzzled.

The world was small — oh so small!

True suggested, “you could come and visit us at the headquarters of Mad Style, right after classed. Jimmy will pick you up there.”

I nodded solemnly.

Well, Jimmy worked there, anyways.

So … it wasn’t going to be much of a detour for him, wasn’t it?

Mrs. Parks looked at us in agrumpy manner. She needed to give a long speech.

This seemed to be the usual torture at the beginning of a new year.

A few othe rpupils entered.

Mrs. Parks rebuked them for being late.

Alas, at the end of the session, I had to ask myself: “What exactly was my task here at this drama club?”

Finally, the session was over.

I was still without any clue concerning my previous question.

But I was now gladly following True and her friends to their part-time job.

85.5  Yesterday’s tomorrow

The building of Mad Style was impressive.

But there were so many stairs.

Granted, there was an elevator.

But I hated elevators. I was afraid of getting stuck in one.

This forced me to make it up to the head office on foot.

My legs had started huring.

And finally, there had been light at the end of the tunnel.

Mad Style hd got a bald doorman named Oscar.

I snuck past him.

Then there was a grumpy woman around thirty. She was the vice president for women’s fashion.

Her name was Amanda Cantwell.

Now I could take a look at True’s office.

Ryan was already sitting at his computer.

I wondered, “is he studying the development of the market?”

“Sure,” remarked Ryan.

True laughed. “Ryan isn’t really working here. He is just decoration.”

Ryan protested.

Lulu, on the other hand, appeared to be sort of an assistant for True. But she was easily distracted.

I asked True, “is it really possible for you to work with two friends around ypu? I mean, being with friends looks so much like leisure instead of work.”

True sighed. “Probably. But I got accustomed relatively fast. The teenager True was yesterday. Today, it’s True Jackson VP.”

I continued, “and tomorrow, you will be the boss here.”

True gasped. “What?”

Ryan put his legs onto his desk. “Level 98!” He grinned. Apparently, he was addicted to some sort of video game.

I had been a freak of racing games. Maybe I should have challenged Ryan, soome day, nor today, not tomorrow, no, I should have done it yesterday.

Was that possible?

Who cared!

True hgasped. “Boys!”

Lulu remarked, “I onlky play role games were I may marry the prince in the end.”

I shrugged.

Finally, Jimmy Madigan walked past us. He presented proudly his mail cart.

I remarked, “are the date stamps still interesting?”

Jimmy nodded. “Yesterday, I confused today’s date with tomorrow’s. And you know what happened?”

My head started hurting.

True talked about the consequences of Jimmy’s mistake. “It was … embarrassing.”

My schedule during the next days was going to turn tighter and tighter.

I could not afford mixing up dates. I sighed deeply.

1
allusion to New York, New York, a song by Frank Sinatra. I don’t own that one, either.

Chapter 86  Little Shakespeare

86.1  I appeared here to vanish there

A few days later, I had to come to the halls of Parks High in order to visit the administration office, with the goal of obtaining a confirmation of the time spent there for advising the drama club.

The locker halls were very cool, nowhere near like the totally spoiled ones at Hollywood School Of Arts.

The Pacific Coast Academy had locker halls, too.

But those were reserved for students not living on the campus.

I had thus hardly ever come to see them.

Addie had often told me about her lockers at Rocky Road.

I sometimes felt missing out on them.

But my thoughts about those lockers were rudely interrupted.

Ryan Laserbeam appeared flying across the corridor.

I grumbled, “oh no! The Laserbeams are flying low. Is this supposed to mean the arrival of bad weather?”

Ryan hit one of the lockers, making the whole locker row tremble.

I walked over to him in order to help him back on his feet. “Are you trying skateboarding again? Or why did you appear here in this way?”

True had told me recently about Rya’s attempts of competing with skating idol Ryan Checkler1.

Ryan shook his head. “I just had to disappear elsewhere.”

A girl with a known face walked around the corner. She grinned.

I recognised her. “Sarah Kyla?”

Ryan trembled. “She has flung me across the corridor.”

Kyla grinned mischievously.

I asked Kyla, “whom are you bodyguarding?”

Kyla went pale.

Obviously, it had been a secret.

She stammered, “I am a body guard?”

I nodded solemnly.

Ryan gasped. “We have got a noew student, Justin2. Kyla is new too. So, you are bodyguarding him?”

Kyla went pale again. She had disappeared from the Pacific Coast Academy almost two years ago. Now she was here. “OK, it’s true. I am his body guard. So what? Just don’t get too close to him, or else you will appear in the graveyard in order to vanish from here! Have a nice one!” She grinned and disappeared.

Ryan was consternated. Did he feel intimidated?

I told Ryan about Sarah Kyla’s time at Pacific Coast Academy. “She appears all of a sudden from the land of nowhere, without a reason or with a fake one. Nobody knows why.”

Ryan understood my explanations. But he had to wonder about one thing. “OK, she came to your school in order to protect that diva, Ashley Blake, did she?”

I confirmed that once more.

Ryan continued, “I have always loved Ashley’s movies. That is, when I was younger … no, I still do, but don’t tell True or Lulu. They will think me childish. Hell, they do so, anyways.”

I chuckled.

Ryan sighed. “Whatever, Sarah must be specialised on bodyguarding young celebrities. She can easily pass as a school girl.”

I nodded.

Ryan concluded, “so, Justin, the new kid, must be sort of a celebrity.”

I banged my head against one of the locker doors. “Dern! You are so right.”

Ryan sighed deeply. “We must find out and warn True.”

I gasped. “Why does True need to be warned?”

Ryan explained, “she seems to have a thing for the new guy. But if he’s a celebrity in disguise, he will have many many girlfdriends out there in the world.”

I nodded solemnly. “Probably. So, go ahead!”

Time ran out.

I had to go to the office right now. Thus I waved once more at Ryan.

The bell had already been ringinmg the start of the next classes.

I sighed and walked away.

86.2  A twinkle in the night

A few hours later, I had walked up the stairs of Mad Style headquarters.

Jimmy was going to take me home after the end of his daily work.

Walking past Oscar’s reaceptionist’s table. I spotted Ryan again. I needed an update on the situation.

Alas, Ryan was not really content. He moaned, “True had got a total crush on Justin, the new guy. But he’s so terse and evasive for some unknown reason.”

I sighed deeply. “Have you told her about the bodyguard?”

Ryan moaned, “I’m too much of a coward.”

I reminded him of his new middle name, ‘Super-Hero’.

Ryan strutted.

But his courage left him once more.

I was up to going straight into True’s office.

Ryan shook his head. “True is with Justin.”

I smiled. “Good for her.” But I wondered, “is Sarah Kyla also near?”

Ryan gasped. He ran in order to hide under Oscar’s desk. He was thoroughly afraid of Justin’s body guard.

She may have hidden somewhere else, ready to intervene, just in case.

Suddenly, Ryan screamed like a whipped bear. He had involuntarily discovered Sarah’s hideout and learned aforementioned lesson the hard way.

Sarah Kyla showed up. “Don’t dare to attack Justin!”

I scratched my bushy skull. “Why would I?”

Suddenly, Sarah somersaulted me and started fumbling with my hair. “Such a shrubbery is an ideal hideout for poison, explosives, and little blades.” She searched my hair from end to end.

Oscar chuckled mercilessly. He had hardly got any hair. Thus he was fairly safe from Kyla’s brute procedure.

I whimpered and squealed on and off.

But Sarah Kyla just had to do her duty. She was paid for being careful. Ten minutes later, she decided me to be a harmless fool.

“Thanks,” I remarked.

She glared viciously.

I sighed deeply. “So, what makes Justin so famous?”

Sarah whispered, “Justin Webber is ‘Lil’ Shakespeare’.”

I gasped. I had heard about that rapper parodising the collected works of William Shakespeare.

He was rather popular and used to travel a lot.

Would there have ever been a chance for True and Justin?

Or were they bound for the same way as Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet?

As if suggested telepathically, I heard Justin reiterate this classic love tragedy, uttered following the rhythm of a rap.

Oh, there is my lady!
Yes, it is my love.
And so much I wish She knew
How much I love her.
She’s talking without saying anything.
So what?
Her eyes are saying something.
I will answer them.
I am too audcious.
She’s not talking to me.
Two of the brightest stars in the whole sky
Had to vanish for business’s sake,
And they are asking her eyes
To twinkle in their places
Unto their return.
What if her eyes were in the sky
And the stars were in her head?
Her cheeks, oh so bright,
Would outshine the stars
The way the sun outshines a lamp.
If her eyes were in the night sky,
They would shine brightly through space.
Thence Birds would start singing,
Thinking her light was the light of day.

Alas, Kyla remarked, “too bad for them, Justin will have to leave New Yoork in just a few weeks. Their relationship is doomed to failure. But maybe they may still havesome good time.”

I sighed deeply.

Everything sounded like the doom of Romeo and Juliet.

But was it really inevitable?

86.3  I close my eyes and you disappear

A few hours later, True had become aware of Justin’s identity.

Alaso, the ‘little Shakespeare’ had talked to her about his schedule.

True had been consternated. She thought to have found true love.

But in a few weeks, everything would disappear and dissolve in smoke and ashes.

True deserved better than that.

I was now back at Jimmy’s and my new apartment. I had written a few concentrated for Jimmy’s new song.

But what was there to do about True’s situation?

‘Little Shakespeare’ was a famous rapper, earning insane amounts of bucks all over the world.

This was hardly to stop.

But was there no permanent place for him in New Yoork Cuty?

He was an entertainer.

I worked for the entertainment’s business.

OK, his classic rap was not exactly a typical category of entertainment à la Broadway.

But he most likely had got the stuff for doing better.

Alas, I would have had to takke the administration of the Broadway into giving him a chance. I sighed deeply.

In addition, I wondered about Justin’s surname.

There had hitherto been one person beknownst unto me bearing that name: Nicholas Webber, the boyfriend of Nicole Bristow for five years.

Was there a connection between them?

They were of different ethnicity.

Nick was a white Anglosaxon.

Justin was an Afro-American.

But who knew?

I had to contact Nicole in order to find out.

86.4  Supernova

I had submitted a suggestion to the board of the Broadway.

Getting anything approved was a potentially tedious process.

Sometimes it took two or three, or maybe four or five … days? Weeks? Months?

Whatever!

Now I had to show up in the office of Sofia Michelle.

The queen of playwrights at the Broadway did not look exactly pleased.

Was this a bad sign?

I twitched and trembled worse than Joshuah Nichols during a shock therapy.

Sofia ordered me to sit down.

Her face was cramping.

She panted, “Chase Bartholomew Natthews … you have submitted a request to the board, suggesting a contract for Justin Webber, otherwise known as ‘Little Shakespeare’.”

I nodded timidly.

She sighed deeply. “Really, you can’t expect to make the board happy with such a request. Especially not after only two months of work.”

I went totally pale.

She stiood up in order to stomp her feet. Then she sat down again and continued preaching. “You know what the board replied?”

I shook my head slowly.

She grunted, “Justin Webber stains the memory of the greatest poet of the English tongue ever with his rap parodies. We are not some cheap cabaret in the suburbs of some African metropole. It is our holy uty to protect and uphold the memory of an immortal legend like Sir William Shakespeare, and not to pervert and corrupt it beyond any recognition.”

I trembled all over the place.

Mrs. Michelle shook her head. “Honestly, I don’t agree with them. Sghake speare would hardly agree, either.”

I looked puzzled.

Sofia took a book from a stack lying on her desk. “Stuart Gillespie, hakespeare and Elizabethan Popular Culture …”

I looked at the book.

The authors appeared to have studied the influence of popular entertainment of the time of letters, also known as ‘Renaissance’, on the collected works of William Shakespeare.

Was that a reason for hope?

Sofia concluded, “and that’s necessary in order to keep theatre alive through the ages. You should never forget its roots.”

I nodded.

The stoneheads in the administration of the Broadway were however hard to convince.

Sofia concluded, “the history of theatre may persuade the board members into giving you some limited credit. But the work and the responsibility will be up to you. A failure will be the end of your career even before its real start. Are you up to this?”

I choked hard. Was I willing to go through such a risk? I could become either the supernova in the sky above the Broadway, or sink in a black hole for good.

86.5  Lonely by candlelight

I had to ponder thoroughly about Sofia Michelle’s words.

At the same time, True and Justin went through the illusion of dating.

Well, True wished it to last for good.

But the times for Justin in New Yoork were running out. So, at least in order to make the remaining days unforgettable, he had hired the whole cafeteria of Park’s High for a dinner for two with True. Even more, he had hired one of True’s favourite stars, Nadasha Bettingfield3 as an entertainer.

Of course it was planned as a candle light dinner.

But a fatal call from Justin’s manager could have interrupted and ended the nice gesture at any moment.

True would have been left behind alone, with a heart split right down the middle and fragmented into minimal smithereens.

Sarah Kyla was waiting outside the cafeteria. She could not neglect her duties. In the case of Justin’s departure, she would have had to look for a new job, anyways. She was not going to follow the stars everywhere, especially not across the ocean.

This was the situation unto my arrival in the corridor leading up to the cafeteria of Park’s High.

I yelled, “Kyla!”

The darl bodyguard glared at me. “Chase Bartholomew Matthews! I told you not to mess with my business again!”

I panted heavily. “It’s urgent.”

She shook her head. “Everyone says so. But my hands are also urgently waiting for a victingto get flung into the next trash bin. Don’t forget that!”

I twitched. “I’ve got news from the board of the Broadway. They have accepted my plans.”

Sarah glared. She had heard about it, but not taken it to be anywhere near serious.

But the epistle from the executive chairman of the Broadway confirmed everything:

Justin Webber was offered a contract at the Broadway for one year.

Sarah Kyla gasped truly. She opened the door and walked in.

True was disappointed upon the interruption.

Kyla handed the confirmation letter unto Justin.

The rap star gasped. “What? A contract at the Broadway? For one year?”

True’s eyes were widely open.

She stammered. “Really?”

I nodded.

True threw her arms around the star.

Justin did not hesitate accepting it. He was going to start right after his return from Paris.

For True, a dream had come true.

But I had bought her that dream at the cost of insanely much work. Was I able to write a successful musical for the Broadway, featuring ‘Little Shakespeare’?

The next months were going to tell.

1
cf. True Jackson VP : Ryan On Rolls
2
from True Jackson VP : Flirting With Fame
3
cameo in True Jackson VP : Flirting With Fame

Chapter 87  Bonnie and Clyde

87.1  Asleep at dawn

The pressure of deadlines forced me to work through various nights and to fall asleep in the twilight only.

On top of Boarding School Musical, I had to complete Bonnie and Clyde for the drama club of Parks High.

At the same time, my boss, Sofia Michelle, was preparing her annual visit to California.

This year, they were performing Make It Shine and Finally Falling at Hollywood School Of Art.

Painful memories returned.

I had hated having to play a girl.

This had caused me already many sleepless nights.

And it was still totally embarrassing.

Bonnie and Clyde had been a couple of robbers and deathslayers.

This may have been exciting for many people.

But it was certainly not much of a thrill for someone like Samantha Puckett.

The Puckett family was chock full of guys of the aforementioned sort.

Sam could have told us stories.

Hey! Why not?

I was not an expert for armed bank robbery.

So … why not ask for one?

With thoughts like this, I slouched into Parks High at dawn.

My eye lids were still heavy.

Thus I did not really trust my vision.

A pink shadow rushed around the corners.

But what was really scary:

The shadow was in the likeness of no other than the one and only Samantha Puckett.

No, this could not have been true.

I must have been daydreaming.

The wish to ask Sam about her relatives must have overwhelmed my brain after a restless night.

Hallucination are often tied to lack of sleep, as already figured by Quinn Pensky1.

This must have been the reason.

Just a few steps further, I could not keep myself afoot any longer. I floundered, reeled, staggered, and keeled over, slumping mercilessly to the corridor.

That was Finally falling, yeah, but not in the sense of Sofia Michelle’s wonderful play.

I was had been finally falling asleep.

My last yawn was most likely thundering across the corridors of Parks High, making the walls tremble.

But I didn’t notice any of it.

87.2  Dawn of night

Of course I could not have slept for a long time in the middle of the locker halls of Parks High.

The sun was already about starting to flood this angle of New York City.

But for me, it was rather the beginning of a night than of a day.

Some people must have dragged me elsewhere.

I didn’t notice that due to being fast asleep.

But it must have happened, due to waking up in a different and hitherto unfamiliar place.

Some sunrays stabbed through my sleep.

I gasped.

Two girls made fun of my bushy head.

Alas, I was accustomed of that.

I was still in a daze and twitched crazily.

One of the girls said, “hello! He’s waking up. Let’s disappear from him. Nobody should get false ideas.”

The other one replied, “hello, yeah, I wouldn’t wabnt to be caught dead with some dweeb like that. No sexy guy would ever want to date me again.”

Their hello sounded pathetically sarcastical.

The sound of their steps suggested the movement of the girls.

My eyes opened for another moment.

There were those pink girls again.

I grunted for agony, “Sam!”

The girl in the likeness of Samantha Puckett turned around. “you know my cousin Samantha Puckett?”

Ah, they were obviously related.

I nodded solemnly. “I’ve graduated from Pacific Coast Academy.”

The cousin of Samantha Puckett nodded. She was later identified as Ann Turzo. But she was generally known as ‘Pinky’, leader of the ’organisatioPink Gang, a bunch of arrogant freak girls dressing all the time with pink fashion.

The members of the gang were also known to be great skaters.

I asked Ann, “so, do you know the story of the Puckett family?”

Pinky grinned. “But … hello! I am the greatest living expert for Puckettism.”

The other opink girl, later known as ‘Cammie’, tried to get her to hurry up.

I stammered, “OK, so you know about the röle of the Puckets in the jistory of modern organised crime? Bank robbery and so on?”

Ann Turzo strutted proudly.

I continued, “you know about the next play of the drama club, Bonnie and Clyde?”

Pinky yawned. “The drama club is lame.”

I coughed. “It is, er … too bad I’m somewhat responsible for it. So,I thought … the play would be more authentic … with some input from people being familiar with contemporary copies of Bonnie and Clyde.”

Pinky rushed out. “I’ll mail you!”

They were gone.

But did they even know my name?

Well, asking for some bushy dweeb was not going to be too hard for them.

Or so I hoped.

87.3  The innocent can never last

Indeed, two days later, I had obtained an answer from Ann Turzo.

This was the beginning of the story of Ma Puckett, the meanest lass from old Seattle downtown.

Of course, the play still pretended to be about no orther than Bonnie and Clyde.

But it was really about Sam’s mom, the toughest woman of Seattle Ridgeway, and her second husband, Bennie Alcarbone2, owner of the greatest pizza delivery service of Seattle.

Sam had even learned talking Italian3 from this world-renowned pizza maker, a veritable progeny of one of the greatest Sicilian dynasties of organised crime. She would have inherited the leader rôle in that clan in the case of staying faithful to her family’s traditions.

There was just one significant difference:

In reality, Ma Puckett and Alcarbone had never been proved guilty of armed robbery with casualities. Thus she had always been released on parole over and over for several decades.

But Ann Turzo knew about some other members of the Puckett killed by snipers or in an open blaze of fire.

The most prominent case was Al Pucketto, also named ‘the godfather’.4.

So I meshed up Ann Turzo’s memories of her family’s history and made a fantastic drama.

Granted, it was a bit of a random mix.

According to Pinky, the tough and mean members of her family had always prevailed, and the innocent rest had been left flat and disposed with,

Little wonder the state iof Washingto had tried hard to move the daughters of Ma Puckett away from their evil family.

Melanie Puckett was certainly going to face the same doom, sooner or later.

Sam Puckett

Or so I feared.

But this did in no case impede my production of my dramatic play in five acts.

It was done after just three more nights without sleep.

87.4  I write sins, not tragedies

It was time to perform Bonnie And Clyde, or, as used in my workshop, Ma Puckett and Alcarbone.

Of course there had to be actors, too.

Justin Webber was content with a minor character. He was portraying a policeman.

The couple of criminals was portrayed by Lulu Johnson and her boyfriend Mikey Jay.

True Jackson was assuming the rôle of a cashier at a bank robbed by the merciless couple.

The relationship between Lulu Johnson and Mikey Jay had unfortunately not always been going smoothly.

For example, Mikey Jay had once been learning dancing from True, as a surprise gift for Lulu.

Lulu had injustly accused then of cheating on her.5

This was now quite some time ago.

It reminded me strongly of Quinn’s jealousy concerning Mark del Figgalo and Maria Hughes from just a few years ago.

Alas, just a few weeks ago, Kelsey and Mikey Jay happened to have tought of the same insect at the same time.

Again, Lulu’s jealousy was triggered.

This play better went smoothly for them.

The audience was not as big as during our school plays at Pacific Coast Academy.

Ryan Laserbeam was directing the performance.

Mrs Parks wondered a bit about a few unconventional scenes.

Bonnie and Clyde kissed too often for her taste.

But it went smoothly.

Finally, the curtain was pulled open for the last time, the tragic end of Bonnie and Clyde.

Justin Webber was already hiding behind a little fig tree standing near one of the corners.

The moment was there.

Ryan yelled, “pump gun battle!”

I grinned and nodded solemnly.

Mrs. Parks was consternated. She had not been informed about this part of the performance.

Kyla distribute pump rifles to the pupils.

Pinky filled the weapons with water. Then she grabbed one of the guns and jumped into the action. “Just like Uncle Alcarbone! Yeah!”

Mrs. Parks ran away screaming for excessive terror.

The battle ended with a draw,

Justin Webber carried ‘his’ True away on his hands, dry and safe.

Lulu and Mikey Jay stood on the stage all wet, but rigged and ready for the cutest cuddle ever at Parks High

I just couldn’t push myself into writing a tragedy.

The only one not happy about this was Mrs. Parks.

She receded from her position as the principal of the school and was going to be replaced with Mr. Taylor.

87.5  Burning star

The next day, Sofia Michelle came back from California.

I was called straight into her office.

She panted heavily, not looking very happily pleased.

I wondered why.

Sofia explained, “the performance of Make It Shine at Hollywood School For Arts had been a catastrophe. First, originally assigned Trina Vega was poorly disposed. Her tongues was infallmated.”

I giggled. I still remembered her usage of those tropic fish in order to smoothen her skin, getting herself diseased. This time, she will have used asome of Quinn’s drops for improving your voice.

And ‘improve ’ it did.

There’s no better voice for Trina than no voice at all.

Sofia went on, “thence Jade West sang the female main rôle like a fury. She jealously refused to borrow boy magnet Tori Vega from Pacific Coast Academy I tell you: You have been a better girl than her, seven years ago. You should expect better from a school specialised on acting and performing arts, shouldn’t you? But only Beck Oliver was convincing, the rest was a plain and simple disaster.”

I scratched my bushy head. “Thanks?”

Being called a better girl sounded a bit embarrassing, didn’t it?

But I didn’t wonder about Jade being a catastrophe.

Sofia continued, “I’ve also watched Camille at Palmwoods. She sucked completely. Her performance may have been good for Hollywood, but at the Broadway, she’d be a complete failure.”

I sighed deeply.

Camille had been on my list for Boarding School Musical

Sofia concluded, “the one and only pleasant surprise was one Victoria Vega at Pacific Coast Academy. She had starred in the tragic comedy Beginning Of A Romance6, and what to say, it was brilliant. Not many teenagers are up to starring in a tragedy. But Tori Vega really did it. She would be wasted in Hollywood. I need to get her hereto at any cost.”

I gasped. I had thrown away that play for not being able to complete a tragedy.

Carly Shay had taken it over and made it perfect, turning Tori Vega into the brightly burning star of Broadway’s future.

This was one surprise.

Was Tori really going to move to New York anytime soon?

What about her pop star career, and Kendall’s?

1
cf. Zoey 101 : Spring Fling
2
spoof of Al Capone, a master criminal of the big era of organised crime, and of penne alla carbonara, an italian noodle dish containing lots of pork.
3
demonstrated in iCarly : iGot A Hot Room
4
allusion to Al Pacino, star of a movie not owned by me, named The Godfather
5
cf. True Jackson VP : True Dance
6
from iCarly : iSaw Him First

Chapter 88  Ryan The Cheerleader

88.1  When tomorrows run out

I did not have much time in order to create a record-breaking musical featuring Justin Webber as the main star.

In addition, I was eager on figuring about any connection between Nick Webber and Justin Webber.

But where to start?

I had to ask Zoey for Nicole’s number.

Zoey granted it unto me.

Then I called Nicole.

The bimbo wench was totally excited. “Nick and ‘Lil Shakespeare’ are related? Wow! ‘Lil Shakespeare’ is insanely cool. Don’t think he’s insanely cool?”

Contradicting Nicole was still pointless.

I sighed. “He is, indeed.”

Nicole squealed, “Hey! I knew it!”

I panted. “It may still be random. But you have to ask Nick about it.”

Nicole beamed. “Sure will! Oh, will you come to Addie’s senior prom? I’ll come to Nick’s. Then we may meet again.”

I nodded. “I hope to find the time for that. It would be really nice.”

Nicole squealed for excessive excitement.

Zoey had already anounced to give Jerry Crony another chance for his senior prom.

They kept on being close.

This had not been evident in the first place.

Likewise, Logan was most likely going to be the partner of one of his chicks, such as Maris Bingham.

This was going to be almost like some sort of reunion, wasn’t it?

But, hey!

Wasn’t that an idea for a great work?

My adventures at Pacific Coast Academy could be the cornerstone of my musical featuring , among others, Justin Webber.

Of course this was just a very crude idea.

I needed a dramatic plot, actors and co-actors, costumes, music, and some stage technology.

As aforementioned, time was really scarce.

Maybe Michael Barret’s help would have been awesome?

He could easily come up with a theme for the musical.

A title was not hard to find. The production title was thence Boarding School Musical1.

I just had to call Michael and tell him. I picked my phone and started typing, my heart beating faster and faster.

Michael picked it up. “Michael Barret…”

I panted..“Hi Michael!” Then I tild him about the project. “The main star will be modelled after you.”

Michael gasped. “Wow! Yeah, that’s geat! I’ll start and write a theme on site. But who is going to portray me?”

I replied, “It will be Justin Webber.”

Michael croaked, “I’ve never heard that name.”

I added, “he is better known as ‘Lil Shakespeare’.”

Michael shrieked. “‘Lil Shakespeare’? Really? You’re joking, ain’t you? I always wanted to be like him!” He cheered and bounced around.

I grinned. “No, it’s true. I’ve contracted ‘Lil’ Shakespeared’ for one year.”

Michael was now unstoppable.

Unfortunately, this had only been the start.

88.2  Sacrificial tension

Ryan Laserbeam had git a crush on a fellow student named Kelsey Mancini2. He had even learned some acrobatic moves in order to impress her.

Now Kelsey had been fired from the cheerleading squad. She had been a member of it for two years.

Ryan wanted to impress her now by getting her avenged. For that avail, he wanted to sneak into the cheerleading squad and let them down before a critical event.

I shook my head. “This can’t go well.”

Alas, Ryan declared the situation to be totally under his control. “I’m sacrificing my whole spare time for this. Kelsey must acknowledge that!”

I sighed deeply. I had gone through many stupidities in order to draw Zoey Brooks’s attention towards me. But I would not have gone so far. Or maybe I would have.

But, remember!

The little angel fighting against the little devil on my shoulders had prevented me from doing stupidities like faking the answers of the questionary for the middle school dance.

And Zoey started dating me for my ‘honesty’.

Of course, it had not lasted forever.

I did not have to fight in any way for Addie, and not in such a stupid maner, anyways.

Everything fell in place.

Shouldn’t other teenagers be able to learn from that?

I wished Ryan good luck for the trials.

But the captain of the cheerleading squad was no other than Sarah Kyla!

Ryan still felt each and every bone hurting in his living body.

Oh well!

88.3  Love’s pretty follies

I had not been watching the trials for the cheerio squad.

But Ryan told my immediately about the result. “I’m in the team!”

I congratulated him. “But it’s still not fair to your fellow cheerleaders to let them down on purpsose, just in order to avenge the expulsion of Kelsey Mancini.”

Ryan sighed deeply. “Probably.”

Then he walked away.

We had been stanfding just outside the gym, the location of thetrials.

Sarah Kyla left that place. She fired a diabolic glance at Ryan.

I stood in her way. “Have you only accepted him into the che cheerio squad in order to be able to torture him even more?”

Sarah Kyla grabbed me and made me twitch and tremble.

I stammered helplessly.

Sarah released her constricting grip. “What do you lmow …” She sighed deeply.

I must have struck a nerve.

Sarah sighed deeply. “You think I hate him that much?” She grinned with mischief.

I scratched my bushy skull.

Alas, now some memories hit my brain from all sides.

Samantha Puckett had always talked about Fredward Benson in an utterly derogatory manner.

But who is now Samantha Puckett’s boyfriend?

Right, it’s no other than Fredward Benson.

The girl torturing her secret crush boy was such a wonderful cliché.

Of course it only worked for very few kinds of couples.

Addie could never have tortured me in order to get my attention.

Our mutual understanding had come along naturally.

The same had been the case between Lola and Drake.

And it most definitely worked for Dustin and Carly, in my book coupled sweetness par excellence.

I panted heavily. Then I dared to tell Sarah about my ‘abstruse’ thought.

Sarah grunted, “what?” Alas, she could not actually deny it.

I repeated my daring statement.

Sarah wanted to protest. But she failed utterly. Of course Sarah knew about Sam and Freddie. Thus she finally admitted,“yes, I like him more than before. He’s such a great acrobatic artist and a gentleman on top of that.” She talked in whispers.

I wondered, “but why don’t you tell him?”

Apparently, Kelsey stood right between them.

And that was horrible.

Sarah Kyla could have cared less in the case of Justin Webber vanishing for good from this school.

But now he was staying here.

Abd Sarah was not unlikely to accompany and protect him unto his graduation. Thus she was forced to view Kelsey stand right in her way.

This was going to hurt her.

Something had to be done about it by someone in some manner.

Otherwise Ryan may have let down his cheerio pals on purpose in the worst moment, damaging the whole school just in order to impress Kelsey.

This would have been a catastrophe beyond any imaginable limit.

88.4  A tale rewritten

But now I had to start writing on Boarding School Musical.

True was going to start designing suitable costumes. But she needed my instructions.

I also needed to fill in the other characters besides Michael’s, portrayed by Justin Webber.

So, who else was going to star?

Lola should have portrayed herself, more or less. She would have totally rocked at this. But she was probably not available.

I had to try anyways.

It was necessary to contact Lola’s agent.

Did she have any?

Aw, indeed, Dustin had offered to do that for Lola.

Unfortunately, I had to restrict to less than ten stars.

This was very hard to do.

I would have wished to get all of my acquaintances get honoured appropriately.

But the stage was not large enough to support hundreds of characters.

So I had to concentrate strictly on featuring Michael, myself, Logan, Zoey, Lola, and Quinn.

This made my heart bleed.

But it had to be.

The choice of an actress taking over the place of Quinn Pensky was not hard, at lewast in my imagination.

Quinn’s cousin Camille Seberg looked very similar to Quinn.

That was my top choice.

Again, I had to find her agent.

So I was now left with three actors to look for.

Ashley Blake had now got a similar facial expression as Zoey during her best days. Of course, she had never stripped herself of her aversion towards learning lots of text.

But Zoey had always fascinated me without words, well, she had done so during our first months.

There was, of course still the problem of letting both Lola and Ashley star in the same play.

In other words, my struggle from the good old times at Pacific Coast Academy was not coming to an end whatsoever.

Being a white supremacist macho jerk, Logan was very easy to portray.

Beck Oliver, a student at Hollywood Art praised a lot by Lola Martinez, was more than certainly suited for that task.

The only problem was finding one actor awesome enough to portray myself.

Uhmm … did I say awesome?

That must have been wishful thinking.

And there was the problem.

I could not do so in an objective manner.

So it appeared better leaving the choice to others, or at least asking them for advice.

I sighed deeply.

The search had to go on.

88.5  Jilted dreams

My drama to be performed at the Broadway may have become fascinating upon its completion.

But there was some even more intriguing drama going on right before my eyes.

What was Ryan going to do? Was he really going to let the cheerio gang down in the worst moment?

Kyla refused to replace Ryan.

And that was not justdue to her feelings.

At least Ryan would not go pregnant and spoil the whole troop.3

So, Kelsey was now wondering about Ryan’s heroic deed of letting down Kyla and the squad.

But then the miracle occurred.

Ryan declared, “sorry, Kelsey, but I can’t do that. Kyla can be very nice. She doesn’t deserved getting backstabbed like this.”

Kelsey was consternated.

Ryan wanted a kiss from Kelsey for having tried, anyways.

But she grunted sarcastically, “go and kiss Kyla, instead!”

Ryan looked consternated. “hey, I didn’t mean that…” He sighed deeply.

But it was too late.

His drams had been cast off in no time.

Kelsey was now accusing him of treason.

I tried to pick up Ryan. “Why don’t you ask a girl really liking you?”

Ryan looked Flabbergasted.

I pointed at Kyla.

Ryan was now totally puzzled. “Kyla does what? Are you joking?”

Shaking my head, I repeated my statement.

Ryan sighed deeply. “But she has hurt me over an over again.”

I replied, “you could have been a Russian spy trying to kidnap ‘Lil Shakespeare’ and …”

Ryan gasped deeply.

I must have struck a chord.

Ryan had been totally obsewssed with a paranoidal fear of Russian spies, for several years already. Now he understood Kyla’s concerns. He jumped up and walked closer to Kyla.

I did not follow them.

But they did not looke exactly unhappy next to each other.

I panted all the way out of Parks High, sighing deeply.

At least Kyla’s little dream concerning Ryan had come true.

1
indebted to High School Musical, a movie not owned by me, either.
2
Kelsey is recurring in season 2 True Jackson VP.

The surname is chosen in agreement with same actress’s character in Secret Life Of An American Teenager, another show not owned by me.

3
inspired by Glee, a show not owned by me, either

Chapter 89  Big In Japan

89.1  Gaping chasm

A year before, The Chase-and-Michael Show had been invited to an annual event in Japan.

The event featured and honoured the best web shows around the world.

But the organisers were only going to pay for three of us.

We might have snuck a trip in a freight plane1.

Unfortunately, I was afraid of parachuting.

And freight planes used to paradrop the passengers over the big cities on their way.

But Dean Ruyckner had required high standards for our security.

In addition, Kazu had been sick. And he would have been the only trustworthy adult somewhat mastering the Japanese language.

In addition, the event would have been too close to mine and Michael’s graduation trip.

Thus, taking everything together, the gap between us and Japan had been much too deep and too wide to be even dared to tackle.

In our absence, a Japanese team, Kyoko and Yuki, had won.

This year, we had been invited, too.

But, of course, Japan was still as far away as the year ago.

Scratch it, for me it was even more remote.

Carly did not want to go there without me and Michael.

I was not sure about any possibility of getting a few free days.

Sofia Michelle looked at my invitation sheet. Initialy, she had not been thinking high about web shows.

But my skits of Lola had changed her mind, along with the comedy video featuring Ashley Blake and Fredrick Ficklehorn.

Sofia concluded, “do you know that we have got a promotional program in Tokyo?”

I did not know.

But there were programs like this for all the major cities of the world.

Sofia decided, “of course you get a week off, but you have to coordinate this with our Japanese partners.”

I shrugged.

All of a sudden, the mission for Tokyo appeared so different. It was no longer an adventure of teenagers and young adults, but an official business trip.

But there would have been enough time left for being with Michael, Carly, and Freddie.

Thus I gladly accepted the offer.

My plane trip and the hotel were thusly sponsored by the Broadway.

I started immediately informing Michael and Carly about the mission.

But the competition in Tokyo was probably going to be very hard.

89.2  An exquisite extreme unknown

As aforementioned, I often walked up to Mad Style HQ after days spent with the drama cluub of Parks High in order to wait for the end of Jimmy’s shift as a mailcart man.

Now I was waiting here s well.

Lulu and True chitchatted about stupid girl stuff.

Ryan was playing videogame. “World Of Warlords2 is cool. I’m now the Ryanator, the dauntless knight!”

Lulu and True chuckled foolishly about their friend.

I started mentioning the trip to Tokyo.

True and Lulu gasped.

True mentioned, “I also want to go to exotic countries, some times …”

Lulu had asiatic origins. But she was not yet able to talk Japanese.

But both Lulu and true tried to imagine hard being a geysha for one day.

Her ancestors were form the Philippines.

Ryan gasped. “I am Ryanator, the born black ninja!” He hit the keys mercilessly. He was now ready to do anything in order to make it to the ccountry of the real ninjas. He stood up and performed his favourite acrobatic trick. “Some day, I will somersault the evil Asparthamay.”

Too bad, the trip to Tokyo would have been expensive.

I would not have minded Ryan, True, and Lulu coming along with me to the world of ninjas and samurais.

Amanda Cantwell walked up to the dest of Oscar E. Ceptionist. “OK, Oscar, you may already book me a six-star hotel in Tokyo.”

Oscar scaratche dhis head. “Sorry, but I need Mr. Madigan to …”

Amanda grunted arrogantly. “Hey! It’s so ibvious I’m going to represent Mad Style at this year’s Tokyo fashion week. Am I not the born geysha?”

Oscar gasped. “Sure!”

His voice betrayed flattering hypocrisy.

Mr. Madigan walked in.

Amanda whistled innocently.

Oscar asked Maximilian, “so, who is going to fly to Tokyop this year?”

Mr. Madigan scratched his head. “OK, a few months ago, you had to design kimonos.”

Amanda nodded vigorously.

Mr. Madigan continued, “the best kimono gets represented in Tokyo. And the best piece had been designed by …”

Amanda strutted proudly.

Mr. Madigan completed his words, “True! She willrepresent us there and may bring two friends along.”

Amanda gasped. “What?”

True jumped up and bounced around, hugging Ryan and Lulu in the process.

Amanda protested, “you can’t send three minors to Japan without a responsible adult!”

Max nodded. “That’s correct.”

Amanda grunted, “and who would it be?” She grinned mischievously.

True, Ryan, and Lulu pouted.

A trip to Japan with Amanda Cantwell would have been the epitome of hell for them.

Max smiled. “It’s Mr. Mitchell Kwest3 from the copy room.”

Amanda Cantwll grunted, “What? ” She stomped her feet. “What?”

Max nodded, explaining “Mr. Kwest’s initiative has secured us millions of customers in China. He is the greatest for this job. Oscar, go and book four seats in a plane to Tokyo, for Mitchell, True, Lulu, and Ryan!”

Kwest’s hitherto unbeknownst knowledge of Asian languages and habits had been discovered a months ago at job switch day.

He had been assigned to trade jobs with Amanda for one day.

Oscar nodded solemnly. “Consider it done!”

Amanda sank into the ground for anger and shame.

Ryan, Lulu, and True bounced around like nobody’s business.

89.3  Evening shadows

I took the same plane as True, Lulu, Ryan, and Mr. Kwest.

The plane had an intermediate stop in Los Angeles.

Michael, Freddie, and Carly were going to join us right there.

I came to sit next to Mr. Kwest.

Lulu, Ryan, and True occupied the row right in front of us.

Ryan talked a lot about black ninjas, thweir ability to hide in each sort of shadow and strike mercilessly from an ambush.

I started trembling. I had to think of aforementioned Japanese horror movie, the frenzied ninjas and their deadly chopstick assaults.

Suddenly, Mr. Kwest started talking about ninjas as well. “You are the black assassine.” He talked about dices and chances for backstab and assassine attacks.

Ryan wondered, “are you a rôle player, too?”

Mitchell Kwest was apparently full of surprises. And, indeed, he had been the master of several campaigns in the New York City League of RPG for a few years, and the adviser for the RPG club at his former job as a teacher at James K. Polk.

I gasped.

That’s why the face had been somewhat familiar to me.

As aforementioned, I had been in the halls of James K. Polk’s for quite a few times with various teams of the Pacific Coast Academy.

Mr. Mitchell was able to talk Japanese. “But we should not trust the Japanese guys. They often think to be able to take advantage of us whites. So they should not know about my knowledge of their language. It will be hidden in the shades until the right moment.”

We sighed.

Kyoko and Yuki were in the contest even during this year’s event. Were they up to cheating on us?

89.4  Island of light

Japan was ewell known as an island state in the Pacific Ocean. And it was highly industrialised.

Approaching Tokyo from the air at night makes it look like an illuminated island in the darkness.

He had been taking a taxi from the airport right to our hotel in downtown Tokyo.

The event ws going to take place in the foyer of same building just one day later.

Looking through the windows, I had to think involuntarily about mutant beast Godzilla4.

There were two rooms.

I shared one of them with Michael, Freddie, Ryan, and Mitchell Kwest.

Carly, Lulu, and True were stuck in the other room.

Ryan was pleased by the presence of a video console. “Let me play some horror game … Godzilla versus Nessy, that’s cool!” He tuirned the console on.

Carly told us another horror story. “A year ago, my brother Spencer wanted ti learn Japanese. He bought some Japanese cardboard giy with built-in voice. Each mistake caused Spencer to suffer from an electric shock. Pain was supposed to make him learn. It didn’t. Bear with it!”

Lulu and True chuckled like crazy.

There were voices at the door.

Michael went and opened for the guests.

And there were our Japanese competitors, Kyoko and Yuki. After a few minutes, they were inviting us to a shopping trip through Tokyo at midnight.

We were suspicious.

A few minutes later, Kyoko announced, “we expect you in the loung in twenty minutes!”

They walked out.

Rya grabbed us and pulled us into the next room/

We gasped.

Ryan remarked, “the other room was full of microchips. We are spied upon by our opponents.”

True and Lulu glared at Ryan.

He used to be paranoidal.

But at least once he had been dead on spot.

Mitchell gasped. “Oh, they have talked behind our back. I don’t know their plans, but the shopping trip is a means to get rid of us!”

We sighed deeply.

Thus our caution had been totally in order.

We were going to stay in our hotel, shunning the living night lights of the isle We just ordered some California rolls from the room service.

Ryan was a exception. He deemed the whole hotel in the hand of Russian spies.

89.5  Twilight surrender

But most of us had all of a sudden fallen ill.

I had to vomit all over the floor.

Carly and Michael felt even worse.

Only Ryan was better off. ‘Incidentally’ he had not eaten from the sushi rolls.

Wait! Had they been poisoned?

Tainted fish meat could be really dangerous.

In French, fish sounds almost like poison.

And that was certainly no accident.

The conclusion: We could not participate in the event.

Only Ryan could. But he had not been prepared. “Alas, it doesn’t matter. I’m Yyanini, the world’s most famous clown!”

True and Lulu commented unison, “I doubt the ‘famous’, but I accept the ‘clown’.”

Ryan shrugged. But could he pull the stunts all alone?

We were now waiting in our suite, watching the event on Hotel TV.

The only could thing was the absence of Robert Shapirop and Jeremiah Trottman, the most perverted and annoying reporters of all.

The moderator announced our presentation, or, properly, Ryan’s solo performance.

True had hastily patched a clown’s costume for him.

Everyone shook his head about Ryan.

Suddenly, an old Japanese guy showed up on the stage, apparently from nowhere.

Michael gasped. “Mr. Takato!”

I wondered, “Are you sure?”

Takato corrected Ryan. “You can’t expect people to laugh before you have learned to laugh!”

Ryan did not understand.

Takato forced Ryan to do all sdorts of useless stuff with his face. He repeated evcerything in Japanese.

The audience started laughing fanatically about Ryan’s attempted grimaces.

In the end, Ryan laughed about himself.

Mr. Takato achieved remaining serious all the time. Then he disappeared at whim.

Kyoko and Yuki were seen in the front row.

Before Ryan’s appearance, they had been breaking all odds.

But now the tide was tilting.

The judges measured the audience. In the end, they agreed on one thing. “and the winner is … The Chase-and-Michael Show!”

Kyoko and Yuki disappeared in anger and shame, rigged and ready for committing ritual harakiri.

In the twilight, we had been totally close to giving up.

But now at dusk we were, all of a sudden, big in Japan!

Thanks Mr. Takato, whoever you are!

1
just as in iCarly : iGo To Japan
2
mentioned in iCarly : iStart A Fanwar
3
Mitchell appears in True Jackson VP : Switchero

He is identified with Mr. Kwest, a rare character from Ned’s Declassified SSG

4
title monster of a Japanese horror movie not owned by me

Chapter 90  Back To Kreuftlva

90.1  Subconscious reality

An annual parade in New York city was closing. It was infamous Macy’s.

Of course, the Broadway was going to participate with a special action.

Macy was an important sponsor of New York City’s culture in general.

And we were undeniably the flagship of the culture of the city of cities.

Sofia Michelle had looked through my imports from Japan. But she did not deem them truly suited for Macy’s parade. “We need something more fascinating.”

I sighed. I thought about getting one of my Californian friends to perform on Broadway for the parade.

Lola was now back from her honeymoon trip. She was pregnant and probably unable to perform for Boarding School Academy.

This was somewhat of a huge pity.

Of course, Tori Vega was rigged and ready to sub for her. Well, she was qualified to do so. But she was still a bit terrified by her sister’s stupid remarks.

Well, that was a different problem.

In any case, Lola starring at Broadway’s Parade special was the best for me to come up with, making up for Lola having to miss out on Boarding School Academy.

But I was not yet sure of my suggestion.

What exactly did I suppose Lola to perform.

Of course I had several alternatives on store.

True, Lulu, and Ryan were going to some soothsayer in order to get their future known.

This seemed to be some other custom here in the great city.

So, why not ask a soothsayer?

I still remembered Kreuftlva.

The witch had predicted Zoey Brooks just being a detour.

Witches work with their subconscious.

Their crystal ball is just a means for bundling their concentration.

Megan Parker had told me a lot about that.

Kreuftlva was her great example to live up to.

Maybe the two of them should have met one day?

90.2  Prisms of a fragmented whole

I walked into the office of the soothsayer. I had been right.

This was definitely Madame Kreuftlva.

True, Ryan, and Lulu had not even believed in the existence of such a name.

Kreuftlva grinned. Did she remember me from the encounter at the airport?

Quite a few years had gone by ever since.

Ryan was the most curious. He didn’t even let Kreuftlva greet the others. At whim, he ran into her table.

The piece of furniture started moving, groving, and shaking.

Finally, Kreuftlva’s crystal ball rolled off the desk. It dropped to the ground and burst into smithereens.

Kreuftlva looked aghast at Ryan.

Admitted, I had not been devoid of guoilt. I had pushed the joker of New York city to some idea.

My careless fumbling had struck again.

And now the future of us kids lay on the floor, fragmented and scattered.

Lulu, a mathematical genius comparable to Dustin Brooks or Logan Mitchell, remarked, “sorry, it was not really a ball. It was an ellipsoid with an excentricity of …”

True and Ryan glared oddly at ‘Miss Smartpants’.

True already believed in the necessity of having to return in vain. She was under pressure. For the upcoming parade, she had decided to design the new outfit for Burt Burlington1, a very popular gamsee in New York City.

Kreuftlva sighed deeply. But she gathered the splintered crystal.

Quinn Pensky had once tortured me painfully into distinguishing glass strictly from crystals.

I still felt the burning shocks on my skin.

Alas, were the shattered fragments of the crystal ball, ecven though not a real ball, according at least to Lulu, still powerful enough to tell the future?

The crystal was equipped with a regular microscopic structure.

This distinguished it from glass.

Or so said Quinn.

Shattering the crystall ball did not damage its fine structure.

Lulu talked about various possible geometric layouts of crystal lattices. She appeared to prefer hexagonal prisms. “The volume of such a prism can be calculated easily by means of …” She wrote some formulae onto a blackboard behind Kreuftlva. For that avail, she had to wipe out some part of a horoscope diagram hitherto adorning the blackboard.

Kreuftlva sighed. “You have destroyed a prefect hexagon!”…In astrology, six celestial bodys, in geocentric view, succeeding each other at angles of sixty degrees, aka sextiles, form a perfect hexagon.

It has been traditionally considered as a sign of great luck.

I didn’t understand those concerns. I was probably born under the sign of the dork.

Lulu gasped. “Oh no!”

True shook her head, wondering about being the only normal person in the room.

Kreuftlva redrew the horoscope. “This is a sextile.”

Ryan strutted. “I must have many sextiles in my horoscope! That makes me so sexy!”

Lulu grunted, “in your dreams!”

True moaned, “shut up, we have to go back to work in a bit.”

Lulu and Ryan were just embarrassing.

True’s cellular phone rang out.

She picked it up. “True Jackson, Vice President of Madstyle …”

It was Oscar E. Ceptionist. “Hi True, the new intern is here!”

True gasped, “what new intern?”

Oscar re[plied, “a certain Miss Fabiano.”

True looked puzzled.

I stammered, “Geena Fabiano, former best friend of my fiancé Addie.”

This had been my fault.

I had encouraged Geena to apply for a vacational internship.

True was now totally grumpy. She stormed out.

I was left in Kreuftlva’s office along with Lulu and Ryan. I had never seen True that angry.

Kreuftlva finally continued with her job. She used tarot cards instead of the crystals. “OK, Lulu will win a contest today. Ryan will break an arm.”

Lulu grinned.

Ryan was upset.

I was now finally asking about the Macy special for the Broadway.

Kreuftlva shuffled the deck without a trace of hesitation. Then she started talking. “OK, go and let Mrs. Parker perform Felicia, student of biology!”

I gasped.

This had been one of my first skits for Lola, and it had been the attempt of tutoring her in biology.

It sounded really audacious using that skit for Broadway’s great Parade special.

I could not afford making any mistake.

Alas, Kreuftlva had already been right on spot about Zoey.

Thus I decided to dive into the adventure.

“Attention Broadway! Here comes Felicia!”

90.3  Forgotten, not forgiven

Back to Mad Style’s headquarters …

Jimmy took me in his car. “Where is True?”

I told him about the incidents at Kreuftlva’s.

“What sort of name is that, anyways?” Jimmy scratched his head. But then he gasped. “Burt Burlington? Are you sure?”

I nodded. “True is about designing Burt Burlington’s outfit for Macy’s parade.”

Jimmy went pale on site.

I wondered, “Jimmy? What’s wrong?”

My room pal answered with dismay, “Uncle Max hates Burt Burlington! This would be the end for True’s career!”

I choked.

Jimmy explained, “Max had been a canditate of Burlington’s quiz, just a few years ago. And the question was about an annual fashion event taking place in New Yoork City. Of course, uncle Max knos everything about fashion events here in New York City. But Burlington did not accept Max’s answer. He invented a fashion week from thin air just in order to snooker Max on his well-deserved game points.”

I gasped. “That’s really mean! But True probably doesn’t know.”

Jimmy nodded. “She wouldn’t have dared to do that.”

I reasoned, “there was probably Amanda behind it,”

Jimmy sighed deeply. “Amanda Cantwell! That disgusting wench!”

Mrs. Cantwell had tried to get Max to expel True from the very first moment.

Something like this had to come.

I picked my cellular phone and started typing the digits of True Jackson’s number. “True! It’s urgent! You need to stop the ‘project Burlington’.”

True joke. “What do you mean? It’s the only chance to make ‘Madstyle’ come up with a cool performance for Macy’s.”

I explained the situation.

True gasped and could not replay.

Ryan must have taken over, explaining, “True hads just collapsed.”

OK, True was no longer to count on.

I panted, “is Geena already here?”

Ryan nodded. “she’s talking to Oscar.”

I sighed deeply.

Jimmy thundered into the phone, “Geena has to replace True for today. And she better do it well, or else Mad Style will be doomed for good.”

Ryan gasped. “OK, Geena!”

Miss Fabiano slouched in.

I told Geena, “we’ve already got a costume for Lola’s Macy parade special at the Broadway. But it’s a remake, so if you can come up with something more original, the latest cry of Madstyle will make it straight into a Broadway special. This can’t be worse publicity than Burlington’s show.”

Ryan squealed.

Lulu could hardly believe it.

And I hoped them to do very well.

90.4  Disenchanted crystal

And it was the hour of ‘Macy Parade Special’ right here at Broadway.

Pregnnant diva Lola Martinez had made it safely to New York,

Her belly was not yet bulging.

It may have been Lola’s last public live performance before her baby break, though.

She had already gott many fans in New York.

More remarkably, many fans had come from across the country in order to see Lola live.

Of course in her current state, it was better to protect her well from boldly aggressive and stalking fans.

Drake Parker knew that problem. He remembered having been stalked by many a fan, Wendy being a very mild example compared to those joining in upon his first record contract.

We did not need Kreuftlva’s magic crystal shards in order to see troubles coming.

And there they were.

A girl slightly younger than Distin or Ashley threw herself at Lola.

The bloodthirsty bunch of paparazzi squealed for excitement, looking for scandalous sensations coming up.

In this moment, Lola span around and nailed the annoying girl to the floor, flinging a bunch of paparazzi into the four corners of the stage hall.

This could impossibly have been Lola Martinez.

Right, it wasn’t her, but her sister Shelby Marx.

The annopying fan turned out as one Amanda Valdez2, a regular viewer of our Chase-and-Michael Show.

Lola and Shelby had exchanged rôles for a few seconds in order to fool insane fans and paparazzi.

Now the latter were no longer going to bother Lola .

Lola portrayed Felicia, a brilliant student of biology, in a brilliant manner. In addition, she presented the new outfit, designed by Geena Fabiano, in an utterly convincing way.

Lola’s major goal was that of earning her first Oscar before the age of twenty.

There may not have been much time left for that.

And a play at broadway did not count as a movie for the committee of judges for the Oscar.

But, nevertheless, Lola’s publicity increased dramatically.

This was making the public more interested in one or two movies featuring Lola, movies already shot but not yet sent to the screen.

Lola’s chances of making her dreams of an early Oscar come true had thusly been preserved well, her upcoming baby break notwithstanding.

Kreuftlva’s crystal may have been ended up in smithereens. But it had not lost its powers.

Sofia and I had no reason to regret our decision of packing Felicia into our special for Macy’s parade.

90.5  The gift of lucidity

Oh, what had happened to Ryan and Lulu?

Kreuftlva had been right on spot.

Ryan was now in hospital with a brokene and cast arm.

Lulu had won the regioals in the essay contest, and she was now going to make it into the nationals, most likely facing Dustin Brooks and Gibby.

I was happy about those clear predictions.

Many soothsayers have got the ability of uttering obscure predictions.

Even Kreuftlva’s past statement about me making a detour had been hard to understand for me until more than years later.

True was now a bit sad. She had failed having the best idea for Macey’s parade.

Geena’s chance may have appeared random.

But maybe there was no such thing as random?

Call it god, karma, the universe …

Oops, now I started to sound as obscure as Kreuftlva in her worst days.

True welcomed Geena into her design team and was looking forward to working together with her the year after as permanent colleagues.

And Geena had asked Stu Laserbeam to be her partner for the prom.

Stu had switched from business school to art school. He had been totally keen on Geena’s style and flattered her mercilessly when stumbling in in order to look after his heavily injured liuttle brother.

And what about Jimmy Madigan?

He had met Drake Parker in the lounge of the theatre hall.

Drake was now making Jimmy an offer for a place in his band as a drummer.

Of course, Jimmy was pleased of this occasion, a big dream having come true. But was he ready to leave New York City, his friends, and his uncle and his company right now?

This was not an easy decision for Jimmy to make.

He decided to postpone it.

This was no problem for Drake.

He was more looking forward to holding his first baby in his arm and had been forced by his little sister Megan to take courses for young fathers at community college in order to be prepared optimally.

Jimmy was not going to make this decision depending on one of Kreuftlva’s more or less lucid predictions.

1
Burt Burlingtom only appears in True Jackson VP : True Parade
2
cf. iCarly : iAm Your Biggest Fan

Chapter 91  Michael and Chase In Space

91.1  Elemental rain

Sometimes I used to await True, Lulu, and Ryan at their school in order to make it together to the headquarters of Mad Style.

This could get boring.

But some interesting things were to be discovered.

My biggest surporise had been beyong any doubt the discovery of True Jackson’s, Lulu Johnson’s, and Ryan Laserbeam’s teacher for science.

It had been no other but Mr. Jamerson. As aforementioned, he was an active member of the judges’ committee for the science fairs throughout the United States. He had also found the real cause for the failure of the universal power converter invented by Quinn Pensly, Mindy Crenshaw, and Wayne Gilbert, as presented on the campus of the Pacific Coast Academy.

Science classes here seemed to be much more interesting than at Pacifdic Coast Academy.

Logan Mitchell and Shane Diamond had thus been thoroughly misguided in choosing Pacific Coast Academy because of interesting science classes.

Now we are coming back to Mr. Jamerson.

Today, he was talking about satelites and orbits.

I remembered Mr. Beringer’s excessively boring classes about the same topic.

Mr. Jamerson suggest, “we could construct a rocket like seven hundred times more reliable than those deployed by the NASA.”

The students gasped.

Ryan beamed.

Unfortunately, some of his demonstrations had gone terribly awry, not unlike those of Quinn Pensky in her good old times.

A few days before, Mr. Jamerson had turned the whole laboratory into a giant chemical puddle. He had been performing an experiment demonstrating the generation of the first primitive building bricks of proteins from a so-called ‘Primordial soup’.

Whatever, after pulling a lever, the device had screwed, releasing a shower of the elements of nature.

Fortunately, none of the pupils had been injured. They had sticked strickly to security rules.

In the presence of good old Samantha Puckett, the whole school would have blown up.

‘Pinky’ Turzo was familiar with Sam’s careless attitude in laboratories. She had to giggle all the time.

Too bad Mr. Jamerson was not working for the NASA.

Seeing him fire all sorts of rockets into the sky would have been totally interesting and funny.

Now the kids had to be content with little rockets.

Honestly said, I would not volunteer for getting sent into the open space.

91.2  Castles in the sky

Ryan boasted, “I am Superryan, the intergalactic power hero!”

Lulu chuckled and shook her head.

True remarked, “some space-themed outfit would be cool. I guess … maybe I am going start designing one.” She drew a sketch.

Lulu wondered about some mathematical formula. “OK, so satellites move along ellipses.”

Mikey Jay stumbled in. “Lulu!”

The semi-asiatic belle smiled. “Hi sweetie!” She smooched him lightly.

Ryan chuckled.

True was stuck too deep over her sketchboard.

Mikey Jay said, “I’ve got a message from Mr. Jamerson. We need to replace two sick guys in the science fair team.”

Lulu gasped. “Wow!” She was not exactly keen on science, But she was the only one able to calculate the trajectory of a geosynchrone satellite.

True asked, “ellipses are lame. Why can’t satellites move along a heart-shaped track?”

Lulu looked aghast. “A cardioid?”

Ryan grinned. “I love card tricks. Watch!”

Lulu grunted, “a cardioid is a heart-shaped algebraic curve.”

Ryan was nowhere near able of understanding Lulu’s words. He kept on fumbling with his cards.

Nerdy Mikey Jay admired Lulu’s elegance of calculating the trajectories. “Wow! That’s cool!”

True was finally done with a raw draft. “Here we’ve got it! Two satellites travelling all around the world on a heart-shaped track.”

We gasped.

The sketch looked very cute.

True added, “now I still need a banderole saying “Space Love””

We nodded solemnly, still puzzled all over the place.

Mikey Jay had to say something more. “OK, Mr. jamerson also begged us to look for accomodation for the participants from the other schools coming to the nationals here in New York City.”

Of course the kids needed to ask their parents first.

True asked, “are there some hot guys?”

Ryan shook his head. “Science nerds are all ugly.”

Lulu and Mikey Jay glared aghast.

True sighed deeply. “You’re probably right. Sorry for asking!”

Ryan shrugged.

I wondered, “where are the opponents from?”

Mikey Jay gave us a list of participants.

I choked. “James K. Polk’s? That is so … oh noh! They have beaten Loganand Shane again.” I sighed deeply.

But, to some degree, some of the kids of James K. Polk had clearly become close friends for me, too.

So I was looking forward to seeing them again, anyways.

Lulu asked, “True, why do your sattelites look like houses?”

True chuckled, “rather castles than houses, but OK, they express that … the space is becoming our new home and our new castle!”

Lulu grinned.

Was there really a chance to come to live out in the orbit at some point?

91.3  Mother Earth’s last stand

Back at mine and Jimmy’s apartment, I opened my laptop.

After a few seconds, there was a videochat request.

Carly Shay was at the other end.

That was a bit surprising.

She had never tried to do so, not even in the wake of our trip to Japan.

I accepted the request. “Hi Carly!”

Carly grinned. “Hi Chase! You won’t believe it.”

I shrugged. “Maybe? Or maybe not? What am I supposed to believe, or, rather, not to believe?” I scratched my bushy skull.

Carly chuckled. “Do you know Richard Blanton?”

I had to scratch my skull again. But I remembered somewhat.

Blanton had been selling space trips to important people.

Of course I could not have afforded that. But would I even have wanted to? I was probably going to turn space sick.

And seeing dying mother earth below us would have been a potentially creepy feeling.

Carly chuckled. “So, how about Chase-and-Michael Show from the orbit? Whatever that is. Shane has tried to explain it. But he has yet failed.”

I understood that. I was unable to make any sense of orbits around the earth, either. “Really? That is … great …” I trembled and shivered.

Carly explained, “Quinn Pensky and Logan Mitchell are going to test our suitability for a trip into the orbit in a few days. If all the tests turn out well, we may make it.”

I sighed for relief. “There we’ve got it. I can’t leave New York City during the next days, not for those tests.”

Carly sighed. “Too bad, it would have been really geat to see the eath below us, falling and drifting1”

Now I pitied Carly a bit. But I simply couldn’t make it.

Jimmy had listened a bit. “You may not go to California for the tests, but Mr. Jamerson may certainly perform the tests on you, in the framework of his space trip simulation project for the national science fair.”

I choked.

That was totally correct and left me with one excuse less.

But Sofia was hardly going to allow me to take a few days off just to go into space.

This was my final excuse.

My cellular phone rang. “Chase Bartholomew Matthews …”

It was Sofia Michelle. “Listen, Chase, I’ve heard about Blanton’s announce to send one of the best web shows into the space.”

What an incident!

I asked triumphantly, “and I won’t get granted any days off work for that action, will I?”

Sofia replied, “are you choking? This is an excellent way of promoting next year’s program of the Broadway. You definitely have to perform my adaption of Alien Girl Zorka out there. Of course you get as many days off as necessary. I already see it … Broadway in space …”

I choked hard. Now I had no excuse left.

Jimmy made things harder with his announce, “I think our apartment is big enough for one of the science freaks from afar. We’ve been assigned Simon Nelson Cooke.”

Cookie would smother me all night long with cyborg talk, including space technology, wouldn’t he?

91.4  Finding infinity

I was glad about meeting Cookie again, anyways.

And now it was the day of the national science fair. It was also the day of the examination of my suitability for a trip into the orbit.

As aforementioned, I was not really willing to pass the test. But I could not disappoint Carly, either.

Mr. Jamerson introduced the project of his team. “This little boilerplate spaceship allows for a perfect simulation of a trip into the orbit.”

We had seen that coming.

Then Jamerson talked about Richard Blanton’s offer. “My students will now demonstrate their project by testing the abilities of Chase Bartholoimew Matthews.”

I shivered. “Does it hurt?”

Mr. Jamerson shook his heasd. “Falling around the eartth in an infinity loop doesn’t hurt. The crash into earth due to a miscalculation of the trajectory, however …”

I twitched and whimpered.

As aforementioned, Lulu had been responsible for all those calculations. She explained them over and over again.

My heas wqs already turning around like a record with a scratch.

Miket Jay started xchaining me to some device of torture.

Lulu explained, “This will test Chase’s reaction to strong accelerations. It works like seven hundred times better than anything ever seen before.”

Mikey Jay nodded solemnly.

I shivered all over.

But there was no way back.

Carly would not have forgiven me any attempt of backing out.

The machine was now on.

A strange sound filled my head.

So, this was the acceleartion shock to be suffered when sent into the orbit?

Maybe it was.

But, starting with this moment, I stopped feeling anything.

My world was once more gone all black, at least like seven hundred times darker than after falling off my bike the day of encountering Zoey Brooks.

91.5  Illusions of the darkness

How long had my world been dark?

According to Mr. Jamerson, there were at least three days of oblivion.

I woke finally up in my own room.

Jimmy Madigan sighed for excessive relief. “Welcome back to light!”

I sweated emphatically. “So, I made it into the web show in te orbit?”

Jimmy chuckled. “Of course not. Three days of lost consciousness are way too much for a space program.”

I sighed.

The darkness had had its advantages, too.

Jimmy continued, “The tests of the other members of your show were not all that much better. Michael Barret had not lost his consioueness, but he has screamed like a fury and puked all over the space in the anti-gravity test. Then he ran into an oakwood door, hurting all of his bones.”

I should have expected that.

Michael had still been afraid of rollercoasters.

And a trip into the orbit was much more stressing and straining than a ride on a rollercoaster, wasn’t it?

Fredward Benson was just screaming all the time.

Only Carly had somewhat made it through the physiological tests, but shivering and trembling all over. And she had failed miserably in the subsequent psychological test due to some stupid neurosis or phobia or whatever.

In any case, the illusionary dream of Chase-and-Michael in Space had been bursting like a soap bubble.

It would have been a nightare, anyways.

So … better bear with it!

Jimmy concluded, “Unfortunately, your early knockout also destroyed all the illusions of winning the national science fair.”

I shrugged. “Sorry! So who made it?”

Jimmy replied, “Cookie and his team from James K. Polk’s did. They are now back in California.”

I shrugged., “Good for them …”

Jimmy continued, “OK, but maybe Cookie will make it to a summer seminar at Princeton during the summer break,. Then we will host him again, won’t we?”

I scratched my head. “We probably will.”

There were still some months leftt until the schools’ summer breaks.

But I was looking forward to that point with increasing nervosity.

1
allusion to Major Tom, a song by Peter Schilling not owned by me either.

The comon surname is mere incident.

Chapter 92  Bigfoot — true or real?

92.1  Equinox rising

Spring break was not far away from us.

In Kreuftlva’s words, the sun was going to cross the point of the equinox of Aries.

The witch of witches had predicted me getting involved in some sensational event at the west coast, in the case of going there.

Of course, this was as vague as can be.

But things changed rapidly.

Ryan’s plaster around his formerly broken arm had finally been removed. But now he walked in with crutch sticks and some plaster around his right foot. “From the frying pan into the boiling water!” He cackled mercilessly.

His cast left strange footprints on the carpet.

Lulu wanted to sigh Ryan’s cast.

Ryan giggled.

Lulu used a water-proof marker. But she was careless.

The cast split asunder.

Aw my gosh!

The whole cast was a fake.

Ryan giggled mercilessly.

True glared aghast. “That isn’t fun.”

Ryan shrugged.

Amanda Cantwell stumbled along, grunting, “who is trying to be Bigfoot?”

Ryan beamed. “My middle name is bigfoot.”

Lulu shook her head. “Bigfoot is just a cartoon figure. And I don’t believe in cartoons.”

True shrugged. “You didn’t believe in witches, either.”

Lulu sighed. “OK, before encountering Kreuftlva, I knew witches only from those stupid cartoons.”

I remarked, “oh, Carly has recently discovered a book avbout bigfoot.”

Lulu asked, “one with pictures only?”

I shook my head. “one with many letters.”

Lulu gasped. “Wow!”

Ryan shrugged.

Well, Carly had not told me too much.

But I had to ask her more.

True did not hesitate requesting a video chat session.

We were lucky.

Carly replied on site. “Hi from sunny California!”

We greeted Carly.

Lulu asked her best onine friend, “hi, Carly, is there really a book about bigfoot? I mean a real book, not a cartoon?”

Carly chuckled, nodding solemnly. “Oh, yeah, there is … Prof. Sidney van Gurbin wrote it. Bigfot had been sighted in several spots along the western coast.”

Lulu sighed deeply. “Too bad it is so far away.”

True shrugged. “Spring break is around the corner.”

Lulu beamed. “I would love to explore the western coast, looking for bigfoot. Now there’s a real book about that mutant beast. So I’m a believer!”

Carly sighed deeply. “Unfortunately, Freddie is an unbeliever.”

Ryan protested, “Hey, I am bigfoot!”

True grunted, “in your dreams!”

Ryan pouted.

92.2  When Earth dies

I asked Sofia Michelle for a permission to request a few days of vacation during the kids’ spring break.

Sofia looked at the schedule and started frowning. “What good are the vacations for?”

I was afraid of that question.

Bigfoot was still ridiculed by the vast majority of falsely so-called ‘rationally thinking people’.

I stammered, “it’s because of the latest bigfoot rumours.” I went pale, expecting some harsh sermon.

Sofia panted. “You mean the book of Sidney van Gurbin?” She was right on spot.

I nodded timidly, awaiting my execution. “The current moderator of my former web show wants to perform some investigations into the topic.”

Sofia sighed. “That’s a touchy subject. Really, I don’t care about any bigfoot running out in the forests. But we have to cover the story before Hollywood does.”

I gasped.

Was there a competition between Hollywood and Broadway for covering sensations?

I had always thought of the Broadway as standing strictly above this. I sighed deeply.

Whatever the situation, Sofia gave me the permit to go to California in order to follow the traces of Sidney van Gurbin.

I panted heavily.

Sofia continued, “as said, the real bigfoot is just a symbol, or, even more, a chiffre. And it’s your task, as a playwright, to work it out.”

I scratched my bushy head. Could I make sense of Sofia’s words?

Sofia grinned, “listen to your fiancé’s latest audio drama, based off Melville’s Moby Dick.”

I had known about Addie’s envisioned audio dramas.

But how had Sofia Michelle come to hear about it?

Maybe Addie had been up for a surprise? She may have applied for a paid internship at the Broadway?

We were so bad at surpsrising each other, though.

Whatever, The decision to go for the spot in California mentioned by Sidney van Gurbin, in his infamous Bigfoot- True Or Real? was now inevitable.

But where exactly was that spot?

92.3  When the river runs dry

Spring break had now begun.

We had taken yet another flight from New York City to Los Angeles.

I had stopped long since counting those trips.

On the campus of the Pacific Coast Academy, those pupils left behind during spring break were already waiting for us.

Michael and Wendy were rigged and ready for the trip.

Even Addie had been talked into joining me. She was as afraid of the whole thing as me.

So at least we could tremble together.

Carly and Dustin had been organising the luggage.

Carly explained, “OK, according to Sidney van Gurbin, a bigfoot had been spotted between Redstone Gulch and Mount Gloom, more precisely, the volcano seems to attract bigfoot magically.”

I panted heavily.

Wasn’t that perfect?

Bigfoot lived between a barren valley, devoid of water,

Even Samantha Puckett and Fredward Benson were ready to come along with us.

Sam explained, “in the case of getting lost in the wilderness, I may still use my poachery skills in order to make you survive. There are wild possi and bears and …”

Michael screamed like a fury. “Bears?”

Wendy wanted to sneak away, along with Michael,

But Megan Parker tripped them up.

There was now now way back.

Custodian Gordy was going to take us in his bus to the wastelands at the barren braes of Mount Gloom.

We needed to be careful with our water supplies.

Fortunately, it was still early spring.

Towards the end of the summer, all natural water surplies would have been exhausted.

Carly asked, “we may either climb the slopes on foot or use a funicular railway.”

Most of us preferred the funicular vehicle.

Alas, for Michael and Wendy, fthose vehicles were damn’s similar to rollercoasters.

And you already know Michael’s fears of those beasts.

We postoned the decision.

But now I could ask Addie about the project based off Moby Dick.

Addie sighed. “Basically, it was Zachariah Carter Schwartz’ idea.”

I shrugged. I should have seen that coming.

Addie admitted, “OK, I can’t really hide it any lonhger. Sofia Michelle has suggested me to a ddifferent house of the Broadway. And I’ve been accepted …”

I cheered fanatically.

Addie continued, “the audio drama has recently been performed at Hollywood School For Arts, with the help of André Harris. Alas, Jade West spoiled the whole performance. But Sofia could see the bright side of it, anyways, interpreting Jade’s obnoxious intervention as a parody.”

I sighed deeply. “Wow! That’s cool!”

Addie smiled.

We had stuffed our belongings into Gordy’s bus.

And off to Mount Gloom and the desert of desolation was my way.

92.4  Cataclysm

The mountain of doom and destruction looked now quite peaceful.

Geologian Marty Felsenburg1 has declared the volcano dead and extinguished long since.

We had just left our bus.

Michael and Wendy decided to rest at the bottom of the roaring hill.

We were had to wait in a queue in order to purchase tickets.

More precisely, Carly and Sam were about going to do so.

Megan tried to entertain us with her oboe.

Freddie ran away. He was bored by Megan’s music.

Lulu trembled. “The chhance of getting struck by a volcano is higher than …”

Ryan shrugged. “‘Volcano’ is my middle name.”

I couldn’t really care.

Dustin started singing to Megan’s tune.

Andiamo dalla terra alla montagna
Un passo c’è
Un passo c’è
Si vede l’Hollywood e la PCA
Io veggo te
Io veggo te2

We could not understand it for the most part, but the tune happened to be somewhat familiar to many of us,

Suddenly, a scooter came close to us.

Due to the helmet, we could not recognise the girl riding it.

Only a few minutes later, the stranger turned out as Jade West. She did not look at us exactly in a nice manner.

Dustin kept on singing.

Was Jade here in order to get back at us for the events of the last two years?

Her grimace suggested this.

Jade grunted at us. But then she whispered, “do you remember Charles Galloway?”

I shuddered for dismay.

Jade had been able to stop the monster of terror and destruction. Was she here in order to protect us from a bigfoot? She confirmed, “The bigfoot is the embodiment of everything evil. Bigfoot must be stopped before reaching the top of Mount Gloom. And I know how to destroy bigfoot. If you prefer to do without me … so be it!”

I started trembling. I did not trust the goth fanatic. But for some reason, I was most likely going to feel safer with Jade’s back.

Dustin continued the song.

Funiculì Funiculà!

Now it was time for us to mount the funicular vehicle

92.5  Volcano

Jade hade decided to guide Wendy and Michael uphill.

The rest of us had successfully reached the top station of the funicular way.

This was still not the very top of Mt. Gloom.

We had to walk further.

But the funicular did go any further.

Still there was not a trace of bigfoot.

We were preparimg our camp.

Sam build a few traps.

I wondered, “you want to catch the bigfoot? But you don’t believe in …”

Sam grunted, “but I believe in wild boars and wild deer.”

I did not really want to depend on her poachery skills. Alas, I did not want to depend on Jade’s skills of monster hunt, either.

What if Jade was right about bigfoot?

She wasn’t yet around to protect us.

Our camp was now rigged and ready.

This had not been easy.

Sam and Freddie, inspite of being a couple, bickered a lot while building the whole thing.

But, really, bickering kept them together.

In the evening hours, Jade approached trailing trembling and shivering Michael and Wendy.

Jade grunted at the cowards. “No bigfoot yet!”

Alas, a shadow rushed through the bushes.

Ryan was the first to notice the movements. He took a spare tent pole and jumped into the shrubbery.

And there he was …

Bigfoot faced us.

We squealed.

Dustin wondered, “does a bigfoot have a a zipper in its back?”

Sam grabbed the back of the ‘monster’.

Of course it was a cosytume.

Carly looked aghast. “Sidney van Gurbin!”

This bigfoot had obviously been a fraud.

But this did not make the whole thing wrong.

I continued shivering.

The next morning, we were going to return slowly from the top of the volcano down to Los Angeles.

Jade was not going to give up on the hunt. But she cursed ruthless charlatan van Gurbin for having provocated the demons from hell by his foolish attempt of immitation. Was she right?

1
from Zoey 101 : Spring Break-Up
2
based off Funiculì, Funiculà by Peppino Turco, in Napolitan dialect.

Let’s go from the earth to the mountains, one step away. Hollywood and the PCA are seen. I see you.

Chapter 93  Prince Gabriel

1

93.1  All the tears of God

Spring break was over.

My next visit to California was going to be Addie’s senior prom.

But this one was still a few weeks away.

My schedule unto then was very tight.

Alas, there was a big shock for Ryan and Lulu.

During our trip to Mt. Gloom, True Jackson had been strangely quiet.

And now there was the explanation.

True sobbed. “‘Lil’ Shakespeare’ and I … we broke up right before the trip.”

Lulu glared aghast. “What?”

Ryan stood around like an idiot.

Lulu sighed. “That’s terrible!”

The reason for that had been different plans for spring break.

Of course there was nothing to do about it.

I had planned Boarding School Musical for the sake of True Jackson and Justin Webber.

This had now turned out as for naught.

Was this going to be an impediment for the practice and performance of the upcoming play?

I panted heavily.

But True could not withstand the urge to weep indefinitely anymore.

This was even more terrible than my worries about the plans and preparations for aforementioned play.

True took her violin and tried to play Funiculì, Funiculà.

According to Dustin Brooks, it was essentially about unrequited love.

And that fit nicely to True’s situation.

She had hoped so much better from Justin Webber.

But there was no way back.

I had to bring the play to its bitter end.

True was probably thence going to feel hurt whenever hearing about Boarding School Musical.

Oscar E.Ceptionist announced, “an important phone call for True Jackson!”

True walked to the receptionist’s desk and picked up the phone. “True Jackson VP … aw, Mr. Madigan …”

It seemed to be an important information.

Mr. Madigan panted, “you have to make a formal ceremonial suit for a foreign prince!”

True sighed sadly. “OK”

Lulu beamed. “Wow! A prince!” She liked to play video games for girls with the goal of marrying the prince.

Ryan wondered, “how old is the prince?”

Mr. Madigan replied, “He’s about your age, it’s Prince Gabriel from I-dont-know-where-istan.”

True had never heard of such a place. “OK, let’s start!”

Mr. Madigan continued, “Prince Gabriel will show up at our headquarters tomorrow at five p.m. This calls for a respectful atmosphere.”

Lulu grinned.

True nodded.

The call was terminated.

Ryan beamed. “Another chance for True!”

Alas, getting over Justin by hitting head over heals on the next guy, especially some usually unreachable royal.

Strangely, Sofia Michelle had recently reported about the upcoming visit of some foreign royal family to the upcomming première of her new play Fantabulous.

We were better well-prepared for that event.

True may have hidden her sorrow from her boss. But she was still not done weeping.

Prince Gabriel could improssibly come and see her like this.

93.2  A mortal’s forever

And there was the moment of the the arrivalof his majesty, Prinnce Gabriel from some-unimportant-place-out-there-istan.

The royal heir needed got get measured in order to make the suit fit. He strutted in.

My mere mortal eyes bugged out.

The prince from far away and a place unknown looked so totally like Fredward Benson, our dear technical producer of The Chase-and-Michael Show.

I gasped heavily.

Even Ryan, True, and Lulu had recognised that, inspite of not knowing Fredward Benson as closely as me.

Was that a mere incident?

Could puny mortal Fredward be related to royal Gabriel?

Thinking about it, Fredward sounded a bit like a patched noble name, a blend of fredrick and edward, one of them being a German, the other a Brithish royal name.

And Freddie’s dad was unbeknownst to Freddie himself, let alone to Sam, Carly, or Gibby.

I had to onvestigate, didn’t I?

True had to start working. She was still not over her brash separation from ‘Lil’ Shakespeare’.

Her work was now tedious.

Should I have told Gabriel about my daring suspicion?

I might habe made myself the laughingstock of the whole world.

After all, Fredward Benson and his mother were mortal American citizens. What could they have had in common with a royal family?

It could have turned easily into a scandalous affront.

Maybe I should have consulted Kreuftlva again?

She had been right on spot several times straight.

I already wanted to ask her about the bigfoot stuff.

True was finally done with her raw sketch of Prince Gabriel. Of course, her mood was still down in the basement.

Prince Gabriel asked Ryan, “are teenagers here alway like this?”

Ryan nodded solemnly.

Lulu poked Ryan.

True declared in a dry manner, “the suit will be done tomoerrow by 6 p.m.”

Alas, we doubted this to be correct.

In such a bad mood, True could impossible accomplish the task within one day.

Prince Gabriel shrugged.

Kyla stumbled in. She may have noticed Gabriel’s extreme similarity with Fredward Benson.

Ryan kissed her.

Kyla explained, “I’ve just been hired as Prince Gabriel’s body guard. Now I have to return him safely to his suite.”

We shrugged.

Gabriel sighed and waved at us before walking away.

Kyla followed him silently.

Ryan sobbed for jealousy,

I shook my head. “Kyla is just doing her job.”

Ryan sighed. “OK, if you say so. Hey, what if they are spies?”

Lulu stuffed Ryan’s mouth with a candy bar.

93.3  Forgotten roads

The next day, I was able to walk into Kreuftlva’s office between two practice sessions at the Broadway.

Kreuftlva’s crystal ball, inspite of not being properly a ball, at least not according to Lulu Johnson, had been repaired in the mean time.

Or was it a new ball?

Kreuftlva explained, “my witchcraft student Malika2 has recently given me her crystal ball. She is now concentrating on studying the usage of voudon poppets.”

I shrugged. I hoped not to do anything to upset aforementioned Malika and get punished by malicious voudon curses.

Kreuftlva asked, “you’re here because of the bigfoot?”

I nodded.

At least this had been one of the reasons.

Kreuftlava looked at her transparent ball. “Aw, I see you witness a fight against the creatures of the dark.”

I trembled and shivered. “When? Where? How?”

Kreuftlva sighed. “Not far away, not long to go …”

I gasped.

Jade was probabkly the only one ale to protect me. But was she going to be around to save me?

I started twitching like an idiot.

And now it was time to ask about Prince Gabriel.

Kreuftlva nodded. She had already heard about Fredward Benson from the whole mayhem raised by The Chase-and-Michael Show. She panted heavily and glared deeply into her, oops, Malika’s, crystal block. “I see strange things in the past of Fredward Benson’s mother.”

I wiped some sweat off my face.

Kreuftlva continued, “by walking ahead, you will make a few people happy, but also some people terribly upset. Trust in the right friends, and nothing bad may happen unto you.”

I sighed for relief. But I was also puzzled.

Kreuftlva continued, “don’t even dare to contact Mrs. Benson. There’s one person able to get ypu ay further, and this is …”

My suspense increased rapidly.

Kreuftlva continued, “the person is medically skilled and had to do with young Fredward Benson. I see a surgery in his head.3”

I shrugged.

Why would anyone perform such a surgical operation on a new-born baby?

Kreuftlva continued, “you know the medic. He’s related to one of your former girlfriends.”

I choked. I had got some suspicion.

Kreuftlva could not mention a name.

But I was sure about Dr. Jeff Glazer Brooks, uncle of Zoey Brooks, being the key to the mystery.

I paid the nominal fee and was on my way out.

My cellular phone rang like an alert bell.

I picked it up. “Chase Bartholomew Matthews … Kyla?”

The bodyguard and cheerleader queene panted. “Listen, Prince Gabriel permanently complains about feeling locked away from life. It’s not untypical for princes and some other of my customers. I wanted to ask True to guide him a bit. But she is so … it isn’t my task to care about his feelings. Thus our current conversation has never taken place.”

I stammered, “how’s that possible?”

Oops!

That’s what secret agents always say.

I nodded. “I know, her feelings are still hurt by Justin.”

Kyla continued, “next week, he will be in Los Angeles. Maybe your friends could down their could cheer him up?”

I had an idea. “Do you remember Fredward Benson?”

Kyla nodded solemnly. “Your tech producer. Hey! That’s an excellent idea!”

Hey! Reading thoughts was Kreuftlva’s speciality, not Kyla’s.

But, whatever, things had to go on.

Kyla’s idea was even more advanced. “Freddie and Gabriel may trade places for one day. It will be a lot of fun for both of them!”

I grinned diabolically. “Aw, it sure will!”

Both Fredward and Gabriel were going to experience many roads hitherto not taken, roads unknown.

93.4  A story never to tell

So, Jeff Glazer Brooks MD was the man in the middle? He was the key to researching a connection between Fredward Benson and Prince Gabriel of who-knows-where-the-heck-ania?

I decided to used a not-so-direct approach. I said in front of my laptop.

Dustin Brooks answered a video chat request.

Finally, I had learned to use the video chat stuff correctly.

Fredward Benson had helped me a lot.

I had to think about this all along my way. And now I was stirring up his past.

A creepy feeling seized me.

Whom was I going to hurt by diving into the past?

The little angel and the little devil were fighting once more above my head.

But I had already been sliding beyond the point of no return. Thus I came straight to the point. “Dustin, I haveto talk to your uncle Glazer. It is about Freddie.”

Dustin shuddered. “Is Freddie sick?”

I shook my head. “I wouldn’t think so. It is about his childhood.”

Dustin gasped. “what does uncle Glazer haveto do … they haven’t met until a few years ago.”

I sighed deeply. “Well, I’m not really sure about that.” I had to mention Kreuftlva’s predictions.

Dustin was consternated. “And you believe her? Why would you even care about baby Freddie?”

I explained the arrival of Prince Gabriel. “A picture of him is at …” I mentioned the homepage of Gabriel’s royal court.

Dustin gasped. “Holy Guacamole! Freddie has got a lost relative? Maybe even a twin brother?”

I nodded solemnly. Then I mentioned Gabriel’s visit to Los Angeles. “Prince Gabriel is up for adventures. I suggest Freddie and Gabriel to trade places.”

Dustin choke and coughed. “That sounds cool!”

I nodded solemnly.

Dustin was now equally curious about the situation.

93.5  Trusting in a soul

True Jackson had been unable to complete the design of Prince Gabriel’s ceremonial tuxedo suit.

Mad Style was a bit embarrassed.

Mr. Madigan lent his own tuxedo suit unto the future monarch of I-dont-care-about-wheria.

But this was going to change in Los Angeles.

Zoey Brooks had quickly taken over and designed omething worthy of a true monarch.

According to our plan, Freddie was going to wear it, though.

Prince Gabriel was finally going to experience the convenience of blue jeans and tanktops.

Too bad I was not going to be there in order to watch the sceario.

My cellular phone rang.

“Chase Bartholomew Matthews … oh,” I stammered, “Dustin!”

The teenie sighed. “hi Chase! I figured something … my uncle Glazer had been spending a few years in Venezuela. That’s in South America!”

I gasped. I did not know much about the geography of Venezuela.

But that state appeared to have been a subterfuge for many a dubious medic.

Dustin explained, “and Freddie had been very young when uncle Glazer left there. Zoey just told me about that. Also, Logan Mitchell, the depurty of my uncle, has invented a new DNA analyser.”

I had often heard Quinn using and improving those things. I once heard Dr. Jamerson talking about similar stuff.

Things were growing more ad more scary on me.

But I could no longer back out. In order to allow Logan Mitchell to compare the DNA, I just had to get at some hair or so of the prince. I undusted the royal teenager’s old outfit for that reason.

There were hopefully a few of the prince’s hairs left.

I started coughing.

I must have been an allergy to hair.

But I had to go through it.

Finally, the sample was complete.

So, what was the truth about Fredward and Gabriel?

1
Prince Gabriel only appears in True Jackson VP : True Royal
2
Malika is Freddie’s paranormally gifted date from iCarly : iSpeed Date
3
according to iCarly : iGo To Japan, Marissa Benson had made a south american medic implant a GPS chip into toddler Fredward’s skull.

Chapter 94  Agent Royce Bingham

94.1  Mysterious beyond

Amanda Cantwell had recently announced the arrival of one Brad D’Impala, Transsylvania’s most famous supermodel.

I started shivering. “Isn’t Transsylvania the stronghold of vampires?”

“And of the steel industry,” Ryan commented.

I gasped. “That’s Pennsylvania!”

Ryan gasped.“Oops!”

True and Lulu chuckled.

Well, Lulu wouldn’t have believed in vampires. But since reading various vampire stories written with real letters instead of pictures, she had changed her mind.

Weren’t vampires creatures of the darkness? And weren’t they even more so than bigfoot?

I twitched, remembering Kreuftlva’s predictions. “I know only one person to figure the truth, a professional exorcist from California.”

Neither True Jackson, nor Ryan Laserbeam, nor Lulu had hitherto been familiar with Jade’s strange abilities.

During our encounter at Mt. Gloom, Jade appeared to be just a grumpy teenager.

And I was compelled to keep that a secret.

Amanda Cantwell tried to ‘flocci-nauci-nihili-pilify’ our concerns. “Bradlet D’Impala is just a normal male model, like anyone else.”

Well, as aforementioned, D’Impala has always been Logan Reese’s great example to live up to.

And vampires were known for potentially stunning beauty.

Logan Reese was very close to that description, and he had always tried hard to become even better. Maybe he was trying to become a vampire as well?

And why was he named ‘D’Impala’?

That sounded almost like impaler.

Granted, Quinn knew some kind of an antelope also known as impala.

And this was nowhere near related to vampirism.

Or so said Quinn.

But those gazelles lived in Africa, and not in Transsylvania, part of Romania, located in Europe.

At least Lulu said so. And she had not slept through geography classes, as completely opposed to …

Bear with it!

The whole thing stank like a fish rotting from the head down.

But I was too stupid to think any further.

Where was Jade West when needed?

Mr. Madigan walked in.

True Jackson had to ask him something. “Hey, boss, tomorrow is the annual career presentation day at our school.”

Maximilian shrugged. “Good for you!”

True begged, “will you come along with us, as my VIP? Please! You would be a greart example for a career.”

Max Madigan scratched his head. “Maybe I should. Or, wait! Bear with it! Sure! I will!”

True bounced around, cheering.

I wondered about those ‘very important persons’.

94.2  Sunrise upon a soul

This week, Prine Gabriel was in California.

I started a video chat request, contacting no other than Dustin Brooks.

Dustin was immediatelyaround. “Hi,Chase!”

I wondered about the exchange of Freddie and Prince Gabriel.

Dustin grinned. “It was incredibly cool! The prince had a lot of fun here at Pacific Coast Academy.”

I giggled.

Dustin continued, “Gabriel even applied as a waiter at Sushi Rox. Now he wants to become a professional waiter.”

I giggled. “What a royal profession! I hope he has not fumbled with the web show technology.”

Dustin shook his head. “No way! He stuck to Carly’s orders. He was really surprised by Freddie’s similarity.”

I nodded. “Anyone would be in such a situation. So, did Logan Mitchell compare the samples of teh DNA, or whhatever it’s called by Quinn?”

Dustin panted heavily and started shivering.

My suspensense increased.

Dustin moaned and stammered, “they are … quite likely … monozygotic twins!”

I gasped. “Do they already know it?”

Dustin shook his head.

I still wondered about the way of involvement of Dustin’s uncle, Jeff Glazer Brooks MD.

Dustin trembled and twitched. “I accidentally dropped the name of the visiting monarch’s son in Glazer’s presence.”

I stammered, “so what?”

My teeth began to rattle.

Dustin reported, “he reacted with horrore and dismay and refused to say anything.”

Well, it was apparently not going to be easy to scrape some information off Dr. Glazer.

But Carly Shay, having rushed to her sweetie’s site, concluded, “see, Chase, you must have been right. Dustin’s uncle is really a witness of some scandal.”

I had not dared to pronounce that.

Carly offered, “I’m going to tell Freddie and Gabriel. It won’t be easy for me, but it has to be.”

I nodded sadly.

Dustin had got even more news. “You know … Samantha and Fredward have been a couple for two years by now. Gabriel and Melanie appear to go the same way.” He chuckled.

I gasped for shock.

Melanie Puckett had recently separated from James Garrett.

The tall blond rake had found a new girlfriend, and precisely Maris Bingham, the worst enemy of both Addie and Zoey.

I had always avoided the arrogant beast.

But what was going to become of Gabriel and Melanie upon the prince’s departure from the United States?

This made me a bit sad.

And we still were wondering about Dustin’s uncle,.

He was the key to a very dangerous and scandalous mystery.

94.3  Knowledge in death, wisdom in immortality

Finally, career presentation day at the school of the kids was over.

True praised Max Madigan for his attitude.

The boss had been a bit nervous. But he had made it in the end.

Unfortunately, his stomach had not been happy.

Star cook Evvy Wexler had been at the event, too.

Her nephiew had called her to the event.

Evvy had prepared some snacks.

Unfortunately, Mr. Madigan was allergic to some of the ingredients.

But the main attraction of the event had been one Royce Bingham, a government spy.

True and Lulu were a bit flabbergasted.

Why would a government spy want to reveil himself in such an obvious manner?

True fumbled with Royce Bingham’s business card.

Alas, the surname struck me even more.

Was Royce Bingham in any way related to aforementioned Maris Bingham?

That would have been horrible.

Maris could have used her contacts in order to eliminate Zoey, Addie, and finally myself.

That was terrible.

I had to figure that. I took a look at Royce Bingham’s business card.

On the other hand, a real government spy sure knew about political situations in countries far away from here.

Maybe Royce Bingham was even familiar with Prince Gabriel’s country?

Nobody here knew about its location.

And maybe Bingham was even familiar with Venezuela during the time of Jeff Glazer Brook’s subterfuge down there.

Once more, Bradley D’Impala crossed our roads.

How could one identify a vampire?

Ryan had read a bit about it. “They don’t learn, and they don’t die. And they are beautiful … I mean … not as beautiful as myself, but hot enough for supermodels.”

Lulu gasped. “They must be dumb forever!”

I scratched my head.

It certainly sounded like this.

That was probably Logan Reese’s goal.

D’Impala disappeared again.

Lulu supposed, “he walked through the locked door!”

True gasped.

Ryan continued, “they don’t like the smell of garlic …”

I shrugged. “Some normal people don’t like it, either.”

Ryan scratched his head. “Too true, True!” He sighed. “Hey, they don’t leave a mirror image!”

True nodded solemnly.

I sighed somewhat for relief.

Logan Reese had always stared at his mirror. In the case of lacking a mirror image, why would he have done this? So he sure was no vampire.

But maybe those were all but stupid prejudices?

We definitely needed an expert like Jade West in order to go any further.

I didn’t want to get bit by D’Impala.

Vampire bites hurt so much.

Eacoons are of course a lot worse.

And beavcoons are probably the worst brood of all.

94.4  Unfathomable truth

I had read the contact number of Royce Bingham from the business card True Jackson had still been carrying around.

Brad D’Impala had left the building without having caused any visible damage. He had decided to not work for Mad Style during the next year.

Amanda Cantwell, of course, was still not convinced of D’Impala’s evil nature.

Did it matter, anyways, after D’Impala’s departure?

Lulu was not kleft with an easy feeling.

Likewise, I still believed in Kreuftlva’s oracle.

Now there had been my occasion to meet Royce Bingham in his office.

I shivered and twitched a bit.

Royce sat back in his chair and started smoking a black cigar. “Hurry up! I have to go to Afghanistan thereafter!”

My hard beat like a rusty steam engine.

I stammered, “what I always wanted to know … are you related to Maris Bingham?” I gave a few more hints about the arrogant wench.

Royce gasped. “Erm, officially, I am her dad.”

I choked.

But why was the term officially used here?

Did Royce Bingham have his dooubts? He explained, “Maris is as blond as a nordic valkyria. I’m dark-haired.”

A few days ago, I had stumbled into a genetic affair involving Fredward Benson and Prince Gabriel.

And now this?

Bingham begged, “don’t tell my wife about this! Our concverstaion must stay among us for now. Unless I can prove it … but this would have to be done secretly.”

Should I have mentioned Logan Mitchell’s and Quinn Pensky’s pocket DNA analysers? I twitched. But finally, I stammered, “do ypu know Prince Gabriel from …”

Royce Bingham nodded. “That’s a very dubious state with fishy diplomatic relationships. I have been thrice on missions messing with them.”

Finally, I boomed, “I’ve recently found some lost relative of relative of Prince Gabriel.”

The government agent’s eyes bugged out.

He yelled at the top of the lungs, “this conversation must really stay among us!”

I nodded solemnly. “My ears!” Then I started explaining the results of the analysis driven by Logan Mitchell.

Royce gasped. “Holy guacamole! Then the rumours are true …”

I wondered, “which rumours?”

Royce explained, “one of the two twin sons of the Queen had been reported as stillborn. His name would have been Prince Fredrick Edward. According to the Queen, only her handmaid had known about that name. And that handmaid had disappeared.”

I choked.

This had helped me a lot further.

Royce continued, “of course you have to do me a favour in return.”

I nodded solemnly.

Royce explained, “get your expert for DNA stuff to compare my DNA to that of Maris. Then I may proof my wife’s adultery. But this must remain secret. In no way may paparazzi like Robert Shapiro, Jeremiah Trottman, Jessica Warner1, or Kitty Monroe2 ever hear about it.”

I agreed. “I’ll do … but I need some of your DNA. I don’t really know what it is. But some piece of hair or some toenail seems to suffice. At least it did in the case of Prince Gabriel.”

But many gaps were still to be filled in.

94.5  After tonight

The senior prom of my beloved fiancé Addie Singer was now just next door.

Of course I was going to be her prom partner.

But the second reason for going to that prom was creepy.

I had to sneak some hair or so off Maris Bingham.

This made me feel not so at ease.

I walked past Oscar.

The deskman remarked, “Oh, there’s a letter for True. Would you …”

I nodded solemnly.

But this was by no means necessary.

True stumbled along. She was still not really over the break-up with Justin Webber.

We gave her the letter.

Lulu was interested. “Maybe Prince Gabriel wants to marry you?”

True poked Lulu. She opened the envelope.

True started reading.

Her eyes bugged out.

Lulu urged her to read it aloud.

But True was not able to. She was puzzled. Finally, she started stammering. “A prom invitation…”

Ryan wondered, “whose prom?”

Lulu remarked, “some Simon Nelson Cooke from someschool named James K. Polk.”

I gasped. “Cookie?”

Lulu smiled. “Hey, wasn’t that the cool guy winning the national science fair?”

I nodded solemnly. “Well, I have been in a comatose state. But according to Jimmy, the team of James K. Polk had actually won.”

Now True remembered. “Wow! Here is the explanation … I have once created fashion from trash3 … well, he makes sculptures from trash 4”

Lulu smiled. “Computers never fail.”

The Senior Prom of James K. Polk was the day before that of PCA.

True sighed. “What do you think … Should I give it a try?”

Ryan and Lulu nodded.

Maybe it was True’s chance to get back to life.

True hoped her life to change drastically after prom night.

Well, the revelations of Royce Bingham had certainly got the potential of changing the life of many other people, too, just over night from inside out.

Finally, there was one last task to accomplish in California.

And … what exactly was the role of Jeff Glazer Brooks MD?

1
various cameos in iCarly
2
from Zoey 101 : The Red Carpet
3
cf. True Jackson VP : Pilot
4
cf. Ned’s Declassified SSG : Recycling Week. Cookie thinks this to be a good omen. And so does his computer.

Chapter 95  Sort of Reunion

95.1  Heart within the eyes

And now I was going to add one more notch to my increasing list of flights from New Ypork City to Los Angeles.

True had designed the outfit for me and for herself.

Zoey had made the corresponding outfits for Addie and for Cookie.

Of course this action had been coordinated.

The very Zoey Brooks was going to be present, too. She was now officially engaged to Jerome Crony , initially known to me as Olivary Biallo.

Needless to say, the two of them also went to that prom together.

Likewise, Nicole was going to join her fiancé Nicholas Webber to the event.

Mentioning that surname still made True twitch a bit.

But her excitement for the prom date with Cookie was incredibly much stronger.

Her eyes twinkled.

The pupils appeared like little hearts.

She had met Cookie only once in her life before the exciting letter.

Of course this was apparently rare and strange.

But some things just happen.

Call it god, the universe, or karma …

I also had to tell True about the results of Logan Mitchell’s genetic analysis.

True was hardly surprised.

But there was still a missing link.

How had Marissa Benson achieved to get at Freddie, or Prince Fredrick Edward?

The plane was now about coming down from the deep blue sky, touching once again the land of Hollywood.

True was already expected by Simon Nelson Cooke.

On the other hand, I had to make my way to the Pacific Coast Academy on my own.

I left the aircraft with tears in my eyes, remembering my first touch downs here on this airport as a fairly new student at my boarding school.

Some much time has gone down the drain ever since.

95.2  Haunting lonely pools

Life on the campus of Pacific Coast Academy had not changed much since my graduation.

There were still those pools and the beach.

But the pool had become the stronghold of Kendall Knight, James Diamond, Carlos Garcia, and Logan Mitchell soon upon their first arrival at Pacific Coast Academy.

Nevertheless, the boys were now not here.

Nobody else was here, either.

This was a bit scary.

I took my cellular phone in order to call Katie.

Kendall’s little sister arrived almost immediately, trailing Dustin Brooks.

The latter shivered a bit.

Katie just grinned. “OK, maybe I will become a spy of some sort, like Royce Bingham. But I’m more into corporation spies.”

I shrugged helplessly.

What did she want to tell me? Katie chuckled. “I’ve made Jeff Glazer Brooks talk.”

Dustin twitched.

Katied told Dustin, “would you please be calm?” She pulled at his wrists.

I wondered, “how did you get him to talk?”

Dustin replied, “trust me, Chase! You really do not want to know!”

Katie snickered.

I twitched.

Maybe it was better to remain ignorant?

Alas, I still had those hairs of Royce Bingham with me. “Could you please pass those to Logan Mitchell?”

Dustin looked aghast. “More DNA stuff?”

I sighed.

Katie grinned.

I wondered, “I need to get at some hair of Maris Bingham. But she should not notice that it’s for a test.”

Katie chuckled. “Who gets easiest at other people’s hair?”

I wscratched my bushy shrubbery addorning my head. “Hairdressers?”

Katie boomed. “Bingo!”

I shrugged. “I don’t luike hairdressers. They always try to cut my shrubbery.”

Dustin chuckled.

Katie gasped. “You should really get rid of it, some day.”

I startled for dismay and started stumbling and fkloundering.

Dustin caught me.

Otherwise I would have dropped into the lonesome pool.

Dustin continued, “Nicole is already here.” He picked up his cellular phone.

Oh, sure!

Nicole was studying at a vocational college for beauticians, including hair styling.

Finally, Nicole arrived.

I hugged the bimbo wench.

Nicole continued, “OK, what do I have to do?”

Katied explained, “simply make a booth, offering to style all those participants of the prom in need of a makeover.”

Nicole beamed. “Yeah! All the cute boys and girls …”

Katie hastily called some friends in order to establish a booth near the stupid pool.

Nicole placed a label onto the desk, reading ‘Prom Hairstyling. Only one buck plus materials.’

Various people marched by.

Zoey was one of them. She huggled Nicole insanely.

Nicole asked, “so, do you want a haircut?”

Zoeu shook her head.“But you may poweder my face.”

Nicole smiled. “Of course! Sit down here! You can’t imagine life at beauty school. There are so many cute boys.”

Gibby walked past.

Nicole was done powedering Zoey. “Aw Gibby! Do you need a haircut?”

Gibby beamed and threw his sweaty top off, making it land in the pool. “Yeah, that will be awesone!”

Katie smiled. “The pool is now closed until having been cleaned by the biohazrd team.” She chuckkled mercilessly.

Nicole started cutting Gibby’s hair.

Gibby remarked, “my grandpa has been a hairdresser, too. But now he has retired.”

Nicole asked, “is he cute?”

Gibby shrugged. “he’s already seventy years old.”

Nicole kept on grinning.

Gibby paid the buck. “By the way, grandpa is looking for some intern to take over his barber’s shop. Are you interested?”

Nicole cheered and bounced around. She would have originally preferred to work in Hollywood.

But a quiet job in downtown Seattle had got its advatages, too.

Gibby smiled. “Oh, I also need some pedicure and and some moanicure.”

Nicole nodded. “No problem. Do you already k now that my friend Quinn has six toes on her right foot? That ahas always caused me extra work …”

Unfortunately, Gibby’s toes needed to undergo some procedure of disinfection first.

But finally, Nicole was ready to perform her job.

Gibby giggled. “Aw, it tickles!”

Maris Bingham and Patricia Perez walked along.

Nicoile was now done with gibby. “Do you need a new hairstyle for the prom? One buck only!”

Maris and Patricia scoffed unison, “Cheap crap!”

Carly had joined Dustin. She replied. “Sorry, it was a typo. It’s 100 bucks.”

Maris and Patricia shrugged. “Our hair is OK as it is.”

Suddenly, some engine howled.

Katie had launched a huge electric fan.

A gust swept across the campus.

Patricia’s and Maris’s hair got a bit deranged.

Maris sighed. “Now we do need a restyling.”

Patricia nodded solemnly.

Nicole grinned. She started swinging her polished scissors.

Maris’s hair was soon going to look equally polished. But it was going to feel slightly lighter.

95.3  Dancing beneath the moon

The prom ball was about to start. It was my third event of that sort.

The first time had been totally exciting.

But now I was totally accustomed to that.

Tonight, Jordana Sparquez and David R. Couleda were performing again, backed up by Kendall Knight and Victoria Vega,

Drake could not come because of having to care for pregnant Lola.

Addie admitted, “hey! I have written the lyrics for one of the songs tonight.”

I smiled. “I knew it. It totally sounds like ypu.”

Addie nodded, grinning cutely. “Wendy made the sound.”

The music filled the air, and we started dancing.

The moon was already visible vaguely.

In a few ghours, we were going to be totally engulfed by moonlight.

Well, according to Quinn Pensky, the moon does just reflect sunlight.

But wasn’t the sun asleep at night?

I should probably have paid more attention during science classes. I sighed deeply.

In any case, we started dancing slowly to the voice of Couleda and Sparquez.

Our next dance following prom weekend was going to be at our own wedding.

Oops!

The event was already around the corner.

And I had lost completely my control over the planning of the event.

Not even all the attendants were fixed.

Michael Barret was going to be my best man.

Wendy Gellar was going to be Addie’s maid of honour.

But who else was going to come?

Mikey Jay and Lulu were interested, but they preferred to play in the wedding orchestra.

Ryan Laserbeam and Sarah Kyla wanted to join, too, but

But they also wanted True to be there.

Maris kept on making arrogant remarks. She was going to work as both a designer and a model for aforementioned Simon Christini. “We’re hoing to trash Mad Style!”

Patricia Perez highfive with her.

Zoey and Addie coughed for disgust.

They grinned and boomed sarcastically, “burn!”

The moon was now clearly visible.

Jerome Crony. or, if preferred, Olivary Biallo, grabbed Zoey. “We must now go and worship the moon!”

Zoey nodded. “Oh, sure, we do have to!”

They started performing a traditional prayer to the moon.

I sighed deeply, thinking about D’Impala.

Were vampires related to the moon?

Or were these werewolves?

Whatever, Addie’s great prom night should have been a good omen for our great wedding.

And around midnight, there was nother surprise.

Prince Gabriel marched in. “I’m xcoming to this school after the summer break!”

Many pupils cheered.

Melaie had hitherto been hiding in soome corner. Now she jumped up and raced towards her prince. She leapt forteard and threw him to the ground with an embrace.

Everyone applauded fanatically.

95.4  Breathtaking innocence

The worries about the hair of Maris Bingham and the prom night had made me too excited for caring about Jeff Glazer Brooks MD.

But I had to do so before returning to New York City.

It was the day after prom.

Logan Mitchell, deputy of Glazer, awaited me in his office.

I slouched in.

LOgan Mitchell took a syringe with a very long needle and announced, “OK, that hair equires a strong injection.”

I shivered. “I’m not sick!”

Logan plieded, “OK, but do not think … my services are not gratis.”

I scratched my head. “Have I thought so?”

But what was the price?

Logan explained, “listen, there’s a young lady at Princeton, not far from your new home, named Phoebe Nachee1.”

I shrugged. “There are probably many yound ladies?”

Logan Mitchell sighed. “She has recently answered the question about exotic spheres.”

I did not understand anything about exotic spheres.

So what was the fuss about?

Logan sighed. “I like that girl. But she thinks of boys as unable to understand mathematics. Now give me a date with her!”

Logan coughed. “OK, Chase Bartholomew Matthews. I have just analysed the DNA of Maris Bingham and Royce Bingham. Indeed, they may not be related.”

I gasped. “Hah! I so knew it!”

Logan shrugged. “However, I did also compare the DNA of Maris Bingham to all others saved in Quinn Pensky’s genetic database of PCA students.”

I sighed. “Must have been quite a bit of work.”

Logan Mitchell shook his head. “Not really! Quinn Pensky has done a great job organising the genetic database.”

I shrugged. “Do I haveto care?”

Logan panted. “That depends … briefly said, Maris Bingham has got a great chance of being related to …”

My suspense increased.

Who could be the mystery person?

Logan Reese continued, “well, she could be related to Zoey and Dustin Brooks.”

My eyes bugged out.

That was really a consternating revelations.

Maris had always been at Zoey’s throat.

Of course, there were many possible ways to be related to Zoey and Dustin.

Maris Bingham as a lost sibling would have been capital punishmewnt for Zoey and Dustin.

I started feeling nauseous.

The Brooks kids would have started vomiting on site.

I better prepared myself with protective gear in the case of having to tell Zoey and Dustin about eve the vague possibility of being related to Maris.

But my real problem had still be the story concerning the abduction of baby prince Fredrick Edward.

Too bad the news about Maris Bingham distracted me from even thinking about it.

95.5  A waking slumber

The way back to New Ypoork City I spent with lots of sleep in my eyes.

But there was no way of relaxing completely.

True swooned about the prom ball with cookie. “There were many cool people, such as Jenifer Mosely, Ned Bigby, …”

I wondered, “so maybe you and cookie could be the remaining attendants for my wedding?” I yawned horribliy.

True nodded solemnly. “But of course! Yeah! Cookie comes to New York City, anyways, for the Princeton Week.”

I giggled, albeit tired. “Good fot you …” I also was reminded to my hard task of contacting Phoebe nachee and talking her into a date with Logan Mitchell.

My senses left me for a moment.

True had to poke me away. “OK. Recently, I’ve got Evvy Wexler to cook for your wedding. She seems to know you and Addie pretty well.”

I yawned and stammered, “somewhat.” I was too tired to talk about the long history.

So, True and Geena had been desining the wedding outfits.

Evvy was going to cook.

Father MacCurdy was going to conduct the wedding.

Finally, the wedding music was to be fixed.

And I really needed good music i order to keep me awake during the wedding. I did not want to sleep through it like through this plane trip.

Lulu and Mikey were already attendants.

Megan Parker had not got the time to come to New York, just like so many others.

Given the long-lasting friendship between Megan and Addie, this was a really bad thing.

Megan was still involved in the planning of our honeymoon.

Was that a good sigbn?

Bear with it!

But True had actually found more reinforcements for the band. “I’ve talked to Mr. Combover, Cookie’s teacher for music. He is going to send the best people from the nationals for classical music over to our wedding.”

I nodded slowly. I yawned once again before falling silently asleep.

The wedding stress was probably going to kill me.

1
from Bigtime Rush : Big Time Break

Chapter 96  Hottest Wedding

96.1  Dawning upon a crimson ruin

The summer sun was burnibg mercilessly across the whole continent.

In southern California, everyone fled to the beach whenever possible.

Even here in New York things weren’t easy.

This was especially the case for our models.

Viviana Martinez needed to present the fashion for next winter.

And usually, winter clothes were thick, and they made you sweat a lot, especially when worn during the hottest summer days ever.

And my wedding was exactly on this ultra hot day.

The red hot sun made the air shimmer.

Many places looked deserted and ruined.

This was also the case for the location of my wedding.

Jimmy and Ryan had chosen Happy Berry Yum Yum, an ice bar near the ehadquarters of Mad Style, for the celebrations.

At least some ice cream was thusly awaiting us, counterbalancing the hot weather.

Unfortunately, the ice bar was only to be reached at a later point.

The wedding march started, at leats for me and my groomsmen, in the copy room of Mad Style.

Mitchell Kwest had adorned it solemnly.

Michael Barret talked a bit too much, and then he started playing with his annoying clackers.

Ryan Laserbeam wasted to make it unto the altaron his inline skates.

But Mitrchell Kwest made him refrain from doing so.

In the last moment, Geena Fabiano had been able to fill in the remaining position of Addie’s third maid.

Likewise, Stu Laserbeam made it as my third groomsman.

Simon Nelson had hidden a lot of micro technology underneath his tuxedo suit.

Finally, the music started to play.

We even had found a pianist.

His name was Nevel Papperman. Hey, hadn’t that been the guy scaring Dustin into oblivion at the national speller bee?

A creepy feeling seized me all over.

The choir started singing.

Faithful and true
We lead ye forth
Where love triumphant
Shall crown ye with joy.

We started leaving the copying room in a more or less orderly manner.

96.2  Behind the mirror

The corridors and stairways of the main building of Mad Style appeared strangely long.

Now we passed the orchestra.

Champion victorious, go thou before!
Maid bright and glorious, go thou before!

Nevel Papperman looked even more scary than anticipated.

But the orchestra was directed by Lars Balthasar1, the most famous violoncellist alive.

There were also the fantabulous Obo Twins.

Nevel Papperman hammered the keys of the piano.

Mirth’s noisy revel ye’ve forsaken
Tender delights for you now awaken

But it still sounded fine.

His eyes emanated apparently deadly beams.

Or so it seemed.

Unfortunately, not everyone working for Mad Style was helpful for the celebrations.

Amanda Cantwell had got totally different plans.

She had invited some othes for a private converstaion.

One among those guests was no other than aforementioned Bradley D’Impala.

Nevel interrupted his performance for a moment.

The wedding attendants gasped.

Nevel thundered, “You will rue the day, creature of Satan. You will rue it unto dystopia!”

I shuddered.

Nevel had apparently cursed D’Impala. Had he been able to reacognise the vampire just from passing by?

This was even more creepy.

Some of the wedding guests gasped.

But Nevel continued performing the bridal chorus for me and Addie.

Fragrant abode enshrine ye in bliss
Splendor and state in joy ye dismiss!

Shudder!

Dystopia had been the word preventing Dustin from winning the national speller bee.

And Nevel had been the winner.

But we had to move on.

Once again, D’Impala showed up. He passed a mirror.

Hey, there was no mirror image of the super model!

I twitched liek an idiot.

The vampire was about ruining my wedding.

Michael did not notice anything. He just kept on clackering mercilessly.

Ryan giggled.

Stu scratched his head.

Didn’t anyone else notice the danger?

Nevel maybe did. But was he to be trusted?

We moved on. There were only a few hundred steps left unto the altar.

The girls and Father MacCurdy were most probably already awaiting us inmpatiently.

96.3  More Heaven than a heart could hold

The Altar had been hastily established in the mail room of the headquarters of Mad Style.

As expected, the girls had made it faster than us boys.

Father Maccurdy was fumbling behind his altar.

He was now somewhat cornered between Jimmy’s mail cart and the bucket for mail to be resent.

The reverend twitched occasionally. Then he started talking his usual business.

I had always been falling asleep during church.

This wasn’t supposed to be any different here.

But, wait!

That was my wedding.

So I was not supposed to fall asleep!

For the better or worse, Michael’s ongoing clackering kept me awake even through the sermon.

The priest asked, “Wilt thou, Adeliah Singer … till death ye depart?”

Addie yawned heartily. She nodded solemnly and replied, “sure!”

The audience chuckled.

MacCurdy continued. “Wilt thou, Chase Bartholomew Matthews … till death ye depart?”

I yawned as well. “Yeppers!”

MacCurdy scratched his head. “OK, I don’t want to waste any more time with formalities. I want to make it as fast as possible to the wedding meal. Now go and exchange the rings!”

Michael Barret was in charge with our wedding rings. He fumbled with his pockets.

I started turning nervous. “The rings, Michael … the rings!”

Michael fumbled a bit more. “Dang!”

Cookie, Ryan, and Stu were even more enervated. “Bring it on!”

Michael sighed. “I have left them in my hotel room.”

We glared aghast at my best friend forever.

What had been going on?

Michael explained, “I had the rings with me. But then I had to return to my hotel room in order to fetch my clack-clack balls. And then …”

Stu was consternated. “Mr. Barret! How could you do this?”

Michael sighed deeply and kept on swinging his pair of clackers.

True had got the saving idea. “Let’s take the clackers instead of the rings!”

I looked at Addie.

She looked back at me.

We stammered, “Why not?”

MacCurdy shrugged. “OK, may this couple be tied together forever by the invisible band of narriage, like this pair of clackers by the string!” He started playing with the clacker balls. “In virtue of my office, I declaree you now for married, and stuff.” He wept a lot of sweat off his forehead.

The audience applauded.

Just Michael complained, “these are my clack clack balls!”

For me and Addie, this did not matter. We were now like in heaven.

96.4  Ethereal blood

We were now ready to celebrate in Happy Berry Yum Yum.

Evelyn Wexler had been making the biggest ice cream cake ever.

We were totally lusting for that master piece of cooking art.

Ryan burped. He claimed the biggest piece.

All of a sudden, Oscar stormed in. He panted, out of breath. “Help!” He slumped to the ground.

Addie and Geena reanimated Oscar, using some ice cream. “Sir?”

Oscare stammered,
“D’Impala … the vampire upon us!” He collapsed again.

Panic seized me, Addie, and all the guests.

Vampires were particularly addicted to the blood of freshly married couples, weren’t they?

Only Nevel Papperman reacted fast. He walked up to the bartender. “Give me the wine in the upper shelf! Max Madigan is going to pay for it.” He was only 15 years old, just as Dustin. But he was not up to drinking the crap, anyways.

The shocked bartender rendered the bottle unto Nevel.

The pianist walked up to MacCurdy. “Speak the words of transubstantiation! Hurry up, or rue it until dystopia!”

Maccurdy stammered. Finally, he squeezed some Latin words off his mouth.

Nevel explained, “this wine is now the ethereal blood of the Messiah.”

We looked aghast,

Was Nevel going to feed the vampire with wine that happened to have been talked into blood buy some priest?

This couldn”t have turned out well.

Michael just kept on playing with the clack-clack balls.

Nevel grabbed me. “You are going to offer this flask unto D’Impala, while I play the song of eternal light. Hurry up!”

I did not dare to contradict. Was this going to turn out well?

96.5  Angels among us

A few hours later, I woke up in some stupid hospital near the headquarters of Mad Style.

Addie sat by my bed. “Aw sweetie!”

I shivered. “What’s going on?”

Addie shrugged. “You’ve passed out in friont of the approaching vampire. D’Impala downed the wine in one shot. This scary Nevel guy played some tune, and Bradley D’Impala passed out, too. Dunno what happened to him.”

I sighed deeply.

Bradley had thus been drinking the ‘blood’, really just wine told to be blood, instead of ours.

Had the holy blood finally felled the vampiric monster?

Or had it been the work of Nevel’s tune?

In any case, Nevel Papperman ’s presence must have been like that of an angel.

Sometimes, angels had to be rude and uncomely.

Addie kissed me lightly.

Now we were finally married, and save from one greedy vampire.

But thise was only going to be a short period for breathing.

More adventures were still awaiting us around the next corner.

1
from True Jackson VP : Saving Snackleberry

Chapter 97  Las Vegas

97.1  Lapping at the shores of sleep

As aforementioned, Megan Parker had been responsible for planning our wedding trip.

Like Addie. I was still exhausted from all the fuss of the last weeks.

We needed a lot of sleep.

Megan was well aware of that. Thus she insisted in decent hotelrooms with cozy beds.

The first hotel of her choice had been the renewed branch of Chambrolay’s in Las Vegas, the gamblers’ paradise.

Megan had entertained good contacts to both the city of the single-armed bandits and to Chambrolay’s.

This explained that choice very well.

Henry Doheny, the master illusionist, had got his career revived by Megan.

This event had occured almost four years ago.

Ever since, Henry Doheny had got his own show in the stronghold of fortune.

I was not up to gambling.

Addie wasn’t either.

We sucked completely at those lucky things. We were simply unfabulous.

A propos Doheny …

A few weeks before our departure, Ryan Laserbeam had talked about his idea of winning the bowl of the local magicians’ cup.1

Of course their magics was all fake and feint.

They were just distractionists, just like the very Henry Doheny, not mages like Kreuftlva, Megan, ore aforementioned Malika.

That’s why a visit of Henry Doheny would have been perfect for Ryan and his friends.

According to Megan’s plan, Henry Doheny was around at Vegas already during our honeymoon trip.

We just had to try to lure him to New York City. Of course we lacked the money to do that the normal way.

Addie suggested, “why don’t we just do what we do best …?”

I scratched my head. “Write silly poems and play our guitar to some tune we can’t compose?”

Addie nodded and sighed.

Inspite of having been Michael Barret’s roomie, I had never come to learn composition from him.

Likewise, Wendy’s increasingly mad skills as a music producer had not yet infected Addie.

That was a pity.

There was no way to call them now for help.

But we could still perform a few cool country songs.

We were in Las Vegas, the stronghold of gambling.

Thence Kenny Rogers’s unforgetable The Gambler appeared right to the point.

But before thinking any firther, we dropped asleep like two puppies.

97.2  Bound by silence

The next afternoon, we dared to make it into one of the clubs of Las Vegas.

There were so many of them.

Which one was that of Henry Doheny, the grand master of distraction manœuvres?

The clubs used to lure guests by offers of one free drink and similar stuff.

We were too young to drink alcohol in pubs.

Thus the offers were pointless for us.

We chose one club named Rien Ne Va Plus2. We were not going to risk our barely existing account by playingstuff like blackjack, poker, or roulette. We hoped to be allowed to walk in as entertainers.

There were probably also dress codes for those playing.

Theoutfit had to be without pockets and fit tightly, not allowing for hidden trumps up your sleeves.

Granted, True and Geena had provided us with elegant suits enabling us to enter even as gamblers.

But we were sick of them.

My wedding tuxedo had made me appear like a talking penguin.

Addie held our guitar in her arms.

The bounce actually let us in.

We walked to the cabaret stage.

Various other guys with a guitar and a rough face were hanging out there.

Addie started strumming the guitar.

A disappointed gambler threw a triangular chip at us. “Use it as a plectrum!”

I shrugged. “OK!”

The chip was made of plastic. It tasted icky.

Why couldn’t they use chocolate chips or spicy nachos?

But the plastic chips were still useful as plectra.

We started playing The Gambler.

The guys there were accustomed to that.

Some gamblers told us to play particularly requested songs for them.

Many minutes later, the manager of the cabaret announced, “Doheny will be here in twenty minutes!”

Our hearts started beating faster.

Unable to talk, we just played a few tunes.

A few minutes later, Henry Doheny showed up at the entrance.

Our excitement grew more and more.

We remained totally silent.

What was now going to happen?

Suddenly, Doheny noticed me. “Hey, aren’t you that Matthews guy?” He remembered me from his visit to Pacific Coast Academy?

Wow!

I nodded silently.

Addie chimed in.

He asked us, “How did you make it to Las Vegas?”

I stammered, “it’s our honeymoon trip.”

Doheny gasped. “Dern, you are one cool couple.”

We still were not able to talk freely.

Doheny’s presence was so stunning.

Finally, we stammered unison, “would you like to perform at my friends’ little club in New York City? They are all illusionists.” As aforementioned, we were not able to offer Doheny any money for that.

Doheny gasped. “well, I always wanted to gueststar in a great club in new York City, best would be at Broadway.”

Addie stuttered, “we are working at Broadway.”

I nodded silently.

Doheny smiled. “Cool! So, give me a guest rôle at the Broadway! Then I will also be able to visit your friends’ little club.”

I looked at Addie.

She looked back at me.

Of course, none of us were in the position of fixing guest stars.

But we did not want to let Ryan’s club down. Thus we were urged to call the responsibles in New York City.

Today, it was already too late.

So we were spending the rest of the evening watching Doheny’s collection of card tricks.

Ryan was probably hardly able to hold a candle to him.

But it was going to be a great honour.

Alas, it was not going to be an easy task talking the management of Broadway into anything.

The anticipation of this difficulty prevented us from laughing and made us admire Doheny’s variety tricks in a silent manner.

97.3  Unfinished tale

The next morning, I called Sofia Michelle.

Just as usual, the thought of contacting the managers of Broadway still scared me.

This was not going to change unto my first success at Broadway, something to occur either soon or never.

Sofia was astonished. “Aren’t you on honeymoon trip?”

I nodded sadly. “I am. We have a lot of fun here in Vegas. Here we met Henry Doheny.”

The master escape artist was more well-known in California than in the metropolitan belt of the northeastern states.

Thus Sofia Michelle and many otherpeople ruling all over the Broadway may not have been as familiar with him as we were.

So I explained, “at the Pacific coast, Doheny is the most fantabulous variety artist…”

Sofia thungered, “That Doheny?”

I stammered, “the only one I know …”

Sofia Michelle replied, “I’ve heard of him. kind of, sort of.”

I staammered carefully, “if there any chance of letting him star at Broadway?”

Sofia Michelle gasped. “You dare to … not a probblem for me. But some of the eggheads in the boards of the Broadway are adamantly opposed to variety artists, especially those from the western states.”

However, it had been possible to convince them into giving rap artist Justin Webber a chance.

Maybe Doheny was possible as well?

We sighed deeply.

This had not been the only trouble following us on our honeymoon trip.

We still had not brought the whole dirty story with Prince Gabriel and Freddie Benson, maybe also known as Prince Fredrick Edward, to an end.

Befoure our wedding, Katie Knight had seemed to found out something.

But we were too much preoccupied by our impending wedding celebration to listen to the end.

Of course we were not up to doing so during our wedding trip.

But this caused increasingly horrible remorses.

Those nagging thoughts were able to prevent us from enjoying our honeymoon in Las Vegas.

Both of us were sternly worried about the possibility of Zoey and Maris being related.

But was it a relationship from the father’s or the mother’s side of the family?

Either possibility was scary.

Soon, there was going to be the annual Mad Fashion Week in New York City.

Zoey and Maris were not unlikely to encounter.

Thus a stuck story was probably going to get continued in a more or less pleasant way.

Zoey was entitled to find out the truth, pleasant or not. But was she going to get go insane upon such a message?

97.4  Silent angels

Before our departure for New York City, we received a confirmation from Sofia Michelle.

Henry Doheny was going to guest star in an upcoming show at Broadway.

Before our departure, we had not been able to find a common apartment.

Our friends back in the city of of cities had tried to take care of that.

So I returned to the apartment shared by Jimmy Madigan and me.

Addie shared a home with two or three other girls unknown unto me.

Anyways, I was exhausted upon my return to Jimmy’s flat.

Jimmy seemed very excited. Had he been missing me so much?

Alas, there was a different reason.

Jimmy explained, “do you remember Hank, the chief mail officer of Mad Style?”

I nodded carefully. “The one bound for retirement? With a laryngeal prothesis?”

Jimmy grinned. “correct. Well, now he has retired.”

I smiled. “You’re the new boss of your mail station, right?”

Jimmy sighed deeply. “Formally yes, but things aren’t easy. Of course I can’t do all of Hank’s work and my old work all alone. Thus we got an intern as a reinforcement.” Jimmy blushed. “Her name is Sienna.”

I gasped. “You liike her?”

Jimmy nodded. “She’s the finest mail faerie ever. But she’s still a bit too young, maybe like your friend Dustin.”

I sighed. “So, you won’t dtate?”

Jimmy moaned, “well, it’s hard for me top see her every day, and to refrain from …” He was now downright desperate.

I sobbed. “Not a nice situation …”

Jimmy nodded sadly. “Thus I’ve decided to move away from New Yoork City.”

I gasped. “What?”

What was going to happen to his apartment?

Jimmy explained, “ddo you remember Drake Parker’s offer?”

I nodded solemnly.

Jimmy sighed. “I’ve decided to follow him, let’s say, for one year or two. You may keep on living here. And you may even let someone move in during that period.”

I choked.

Of course, my wife Addie would have been the one to move in, according to my wishes.

This would assure us a place to live finally together for some time, at least a year according to Jimmy’s plans.

Of course all these plans were only going to make sense in the case of obtaining a contract after the period of approbation.

But it was something to live with for the next few months, i.e. until the première of Boarding School Musical.

My anxiety grew steadily.

I wished Jimmy good luck with Drake’s band.

Things strangely fell in place: Sienna’s arrival and the deadline for Drake’s offer, our return from our honeymoon trip and Jimmy’s new plans …

Maybe some angelshad pulle dthe strings inaudibly behind the scene.

Who could tell?

97.5  Hidden monster

Henry Doheny had kept his promisis. Now he was performing in Ryan’s club for illusionist artists.

Ryan had learned a few tricks from Maximilian Madigan.

Many others had worked hard, too.

But there was none of them able to hold a dim candle to Henry Doheny.

During the grand master’s performance, Ryan’s breath appeared frozen.

After freeing himself from an iron cage floating above a spiked pit, Doheny even made a standard truck disappear from the open stage.3

Ryan sighed deeply. He was close to giving up. Maybe he should have concentrated more on a career as a cheerleader ad disappear from the variety stage for good? He may have been funny and entertaining, but breathtaking tricks of Doheny’s league were out of his reach.

This was not going to be an easy decision.

Ryan walked up and down.

Male cheerleaders were rare and hardly accepted.

But Ryan was probably one of the best male cheerleaders ever.

On the other hand, he was feeling unable to reach Houdini’s elegance and impressivity after even decades of practice.

After hours of pondering, Ryan decided to withdraw from the variety and stick to cheerleading.

Kreuftlva, also among the audience, just shook her head. “Malika could lift a truck with her thoughts only.”

I had not come to stumble upon aforementioned Malika.

But the possibility of doing so, one day, gave me the creeps.

Malika must have been more powerful than even Matthew Palmer Noid and Megan Parker taken together.

1
cf. True Jackson VP : True Magics
2
French term, meaning “nothing goes anymore”, used in French gambling clubs to denote the end of betting. The existence of such a club in Las Vegas would be incidental.
3
Henry Doheny is properly a spoof off Harry Houdini.

H. Houdini, properly named Ehrich Weiss, had been able to make elephants disappear from the stage.

Chapter 98  The Fashion Show

98.1  Fashionably Late

After all, Addie and I were finally about sharing an apartment.

Jimmy had, of course, given a huge good-bye party.

True Jackson, Ryan Laserbeam, and Lulu Johnson were very sad.

But Jimmy’s dream of a career as a drummer for a band had thusly come true.

Maximilian Madigan was equally sad. But he hadto move on and care about the upcoming fashion week organised by Mad Style.

The palanning and preparations of this fantabulous event were terribly behind.

Lola Martinez had coined the term of being fashionably late. She hated being in time.

According to social studies by Quinn Pensky, young people arriving somewhat late at an event are drawing more attention upon themselves than those arriving in time.

And Lola’s strategy had always been one of placing herself into the very centre of public attention.

And in which context was fashionably late more appropriate than in the context of a fashion exposition?

A little delay was thusly justifiable.

Of course, our competitors were always up to holding anything possible against us.

One of those enemies was the fashion label of Simon Christini.

The latter had often enough tried to sabotage and spy on Mad Style.

Maris Bingham as his nerw designer and model was probably up to making things even worse.

I was still anticipating a horrible clash between Zoey and Maris.

Finally, True and Geen were done with their designs.

Geena stressed, “we must not only outdo the competition from other labels, but also that of Amanda Cantwell.”

True gasped.

Geena had already discovered Amanda’s ongoing perverted attempts of getting rid of True.

That must have been remarkable.

Geena nodded. “Amanda Cantwell is such a pest.”

True’s phone rang.

She picked it up. “True Jackson … oh, Cookie, nice to here from you!”

Cookie had been staying in my apartment during part of the wedding trip. But now he was back in California. “Hi True Baby!”

True giggle. “What’s up?”

Cookie explained, “I’ve talked Phoebe Nachee into giving Logan Mitchell a chance.”

My eyes bugged out. “How has he doe that?”

Logan was certainly be pleased.

Cookie cackled. “it’s part of a bet. After showing her part of Logan’s work about exotic spheres, she felt challenged.”

I sighed.

What was an ‘exotic sphere’?

Lulu started explaining.

But I did not want to here.

Her lectures about probabilities in roulette had been enervating.

Lulu confused me with talk about estimates for submartingales.

My head kept on turning around.

In any case, I had now finally kept my promises unto Logan Mitchell.

Cookie also announced the completion of a manequin doll, made from trash. “The doll will be available right in time for fashion week.”

True grinned. “OK, now let’s finish the preparations!”

98.2  Old fiends

And there was the Mad Fashion Week.

Addie and I were not there for the sole purpose of accompanying our friends True Jackson and Geena Fabiano.

Quite the contrary, there was an official mission for us.

The great fashion labels of New York were also responsible for the costumes of Broadway.

Of course the managers of the theatre houses were aware of our bias. That’s why we were under some stern scrutiny.

Our arguments in favour of the outfits presented by Mad Style had to be very convincing and detailed.

This remembered us immediately of the aforemention situation making Addie vote for either a design of Geena Fabiano’s or one of Maris Bingham’s.

Nothing good may come out of such a situation …

As expected, Zoey and Crony had arrived from Los Angeles, right in time for the opening of the fair.

Stupidly, True Jackson, along with her companions Lulu and Ryan, appeared to be late, and more than just ‘fashionably’ late.

Amanda Cantwell was very much interested in holding this disaster against True.

Zoey turned a bit nervous.

Still there were no traces of our competitors.

Only various staff members of the organisation running the exposition hall were busily building up the booths.

But, hey, maybe Simon Christini and some of his henchmen were al readsy around?

We may just not have recognised them?

A few moments later, a shockwavve went through my bone and marrow.

Maris Bingham, the embodiment of snobbish arrogance, stood just a few yards away.

I gasped.

She talked to some of the people in a more or less familiar manner.

That was horrible.

I tried to hide behind a hevea brasilensis, some tree standing near one of the corners.

But I stumbled.

Bang!

Once more, I fell flat onto my face.

Maris startled by the noise and turned around. “OOps!” Sje chuckled gleefully.

Addie helped me up.

Maris made some derogatory remarks about us.

Zoey defended me and Addie.

Cranberry Sinclair showed up, best friend of Maris. She was now a supermodel working for Simon Christini.

Her artists’ name was Autumn Winter.1

Both of the arrogant girls congratulated each other. “Burn!”

A mid-aged man asked, “do you know those losers?”

Maris shrugged, “Oh, Mr. Christini! Good you’re here. Well, only briefly from our former schools.”

Atumn nodded solemnly.

Simon Christini nodded. “That’s good, Nobody wants to have to do with those Mad Losers.”

“Or even related,” added Autumn.

Maris grinned. “Sure not!”

This was my prompt.

I boomed, “sorry for having to disappoint you, but … Maris and Zoey are probably genetically related.”

Both Zoey and Maris gasped. They thundered unison, “what?”

Viviana Martinez showed up. She was going to present True’s, Geena’s, Crony’s, and Zoey’s designs.

Her arrival distracted the hostile blondes for the time being.

But this was not going to remove the problem.

It had taken me weeks in order to think abourt the right moment of telling the girls about Logan Mitchell’s discovery.

And now I was feeling like stranded on a high wire.

98.3  Gaping Confession

The start of the exposition had been cumbersome.

True had been horribly late, due to repeated interruptions by Ryan and Lulu.

They did, for the netter or worse, not yet recognise the trouble between Zoey and Maris.

Addie did not hold the revelation in the wrong moment aggainst me. She was so prone to having done something similar in my place. But she tried to insulate me a bit from the action.

Suddenly, Zoey’s phone rang out.

She picjed it up. “Zoey Brooks … aw, hi Carly!”

I gasped. “Does Carly have to interrupt us now?”

Carly reported, “we have just sold 500 penny tees over the interweb.”

I gasped. “Who buys penny tees?”

Zoey explained, “last week, Carly started auctioning some old devices from the web show.2, including Penny t-shirts.” Zoey had designed those penny tees four years ago.

They had become really popular for a short period.

But only Carly’s action had accelerated the sales.

Zoey wondered, “how did you produce all those remakes? I haven’t got yet the permission to produce them officially for Mad Style.”

Carly was clueless. “Sam took care of that.”

I smelled a lot of trouble.

Sam may have neem asomewhat nice girl under Zoey’s supervision. But after Zoey’s graduation, she was now possibly back to her old ‘samness’.

Zoey remembered now my previous revelations. “Chase, you’ve talked about me and Maris Bingham being possibly related. What do you mean?”

I sighed deeply. Then I told Zoey about the genetic tests made by Logan Mitchell, using Quinn’s gentic analyser.

Zoey coughed and puked. “That’s horrible! But how could we be related?”

I shrugged. “Truly spoken, Logan needs to campare it aginst the DNA some of your other relatives.”

Zoey panted badly. “You expect me to sneak some DNA samples off them?”

I nodded. “Only if you want to know…”

Zoey coughed again. She was no longer able to sleep calmly. “The most blond in my family is mom’s bro. He has also some other stupid similarities with Maris. But I do not like to talk about it.”

I nodded.

Alas Maris glared aghast across the hall. She felt obviously like split asunder.

Autumn tried to make me look like a deliberate liar.

But Maris wasn’t sure. She had come to sense her so-called ‘dad’’s, viz. governmental spy Royce Bingham’s, distrust in his parenthood.

At the same time, True was pleased about the sales numbers of penn y tees. “I will talk Max Madigan into starting the production as soon as possible.”

Zoey nodded. But she was a bit obstructed by her worries about being potentially a cousin of her worst enemy.

Now, what was Maris really up to?

98.4  Child Labour

The fair was approaching its end.

Alas, there was still some problem left.

Addie and I, we could not really write a report about the fair.

On top of neutrality problems, the problem of having caused some unfortellable trouble by talking about Zoey’s and Maris’s possible relationship was going to haunrt us.

We decided on writing something to the avail of “all participants of the Mad Fashion Week had demosntrated great efforts.”

Well, these or something similar, just a bit longer, were going to be our words for our bosses.

True sighed, understanding my problems. But she was happy about the news aboit the penny tees.

Suddenly, my cellular phone rang out.

I picked it up. “Chase Bartholomew Matthew, from Mad Fashion Week …”

The girl at the other end explained, “hi Chase, it’s me, Missy Robinson …”

I gasped. “long time no see, Missy! What’s up?”

Missy answered, “I’ve so told you. A tiger never changes its stripe!”

I wondered, “what are you talking about?”

“It’s about Sam,” replied Missy, “you dork! It was so obvious. Since Zoey’s departure, she demonstrates her old Pukebucket charm.”

I gasped. “what do you mean?”

Missy bellowed, “Samantha Puckett is producing penny tees, abusing elementary school kids of Pacific Coast Academy, by means of child labour!”

I choked. “Child labour? Are you sure?”

Missy roared, “I may prove it, with a hidden cam.”

This message, if trustable, hit me like a thunderbolt from mid heaven.

Sam abusing elementary school kids for child labour was no fun at all.

Even worse, this tainted Zoey’s career as a designer.

And it most definitely tainted the credibility of Mad Style.

I had to tell Zoey and True.

Of course, Amanda Cantwell was not supposed to hear about the whole scandalous affair.

The same was ex aequo valid for Maris Bingham and Simon Christini.

98.5  Alone with forever

Sofia Michell chuckled about my report from the fashion week. “The première of your Boarding School Musical will better be extremely good. Or else I can’t warrant for anything.”

Needless to say, True Jackson and Zoey Brooks felt disappointed.

Zoey had trusted in Sam.

But the video sent by Melissa Robinson showed everything.

Sam had abused elementary school kids for child labour.

Carly wasn’t any keen on that.

Only Freddie stuck up to Sam. “She had probably been abused the same way as an elementary school kid.”

This sounded even totally plausible.

But it didn’t do anything in order to diminish our dismay and disgust.

Time appeared to run out on me.

I had to fix the problems caused by recent genetic revelatrions, deal appropriately with scandal triggered by Samantha Puckett, and finally care for an optimal performanceof my first big work at Broadway.

For the former tasks, there were good helpers by my side, and they were not really my problem.

But the last task, Boarding School Musical, was exclusively my responsibility.

And my whole career start depended on not disappointing anyone.

Making one mistake would send me into eternal isolation from all my dreams from childhood onward.

1
same actress’s rôle in Just Jordan
2
in analogy to iCarly : iSell Penny Tees

Chapter 99  The Webicon

99.1  Remnants of darkness

As aforementioned, Ryan Laserbeam and Mitchell Kwest were into the massive multiplayer rôle playing thing.

I’ve never made any sense of these words.

Was it something like flocci[nauci-nihili-pili-fication, or even worse?

I shrugged carelessly.

But Ryan’s ongoing talk about some Asparthamay1 could get annoying.

Suddenly, Mr. Kwwest came up with some news. “Hey kiddoes! There will be a World of Warlords :
Memories of the Dark Age stume fest at the upcoming Washington State Webicon!”

I scratched my head.

Webicons used to provide presentation panels for web shows.

And this particular one was going to take place in Carly Shay’s homelands.

Maybe the Chase-and-Michael Show was going to get its own panel there?

Needless to say, Ryan Laserbeam was totally keen on the possibility of showing off at the webicon.

Stume fests were events electing the best costume of a certain theme.

And as employees or pemanent guests of a fashion label enterprise, Ryan and Mitchell were predestined for claiming such a title.

Of course this meant a lot of work for True and Geena.

Ryan was not going to be content with just any costume, it had to be the coolest of the cool.

Suddenly, we received a web chat request.

Carly Shay was on the other end. “Hi Freaks!”

True shook her head. “Aw, hi Carly! What’s up?”

Carly explained, “Chase, you won’t believe it. But we’ve got a panel at …”

I boomed, “the Washington State Webicon?”

Carly gasped, “hey! Who told you?”

I whistled. “Pure male intuition.”

Carly choked. “Hey! You guys haven’t even got intuition worth a dime!”

Ryan gasped.

Carly continued, “But it’s correct. We will be present at the webicon. Michael has already declared to come. Now we just need you.”

I sighed.

Was Sofia Michelle going to give me a few days off for just a webicon?

And I was worriwed about Samantha Puckett.

The parents of the kids abused by Sam for child labour may have been up to causing a riot.

The scandal not having already become public was strangely surprising.

Missy may havew been a pest. But she had been so right about Sam.

The tiger had not been going to change its stripe.

True Jackson had caused Mad Style to take a break from considering the production of penny tees.

But it was just a mercilessly tickin time bomb.

Amanda Cantwell could have come to see through it any time.

This could have meant the end of True’s and Zoey’s career.

And Christini getting to notice anything would have torn Mad Style as a whole into smithereens.

99.2  Hidden tales

The plane had just taken off into the marble-textures sky.

We were bound for Seattle, stopping at Chicago on our way in order to pick up Michael Barret.

Sofia Michelle had actually given me three days off work for the webicon.

Mitchell Kwest and Ryan Laserbeam came along with me.

Ryan praised his costume. “I am Ryanator, the avenger of the galaxy!”

Mr. Kwest grinned. “Resistances plus three aagsints poison and paralysis, plus seven against fire, plus two against cold, …”

Ryan grinned in a boastful manner. “OK, let’s say … I am the star opf the stume fest.” He showed off his glittering striped trenchcoat made by Geena Fabiano.

Mr. Kwest was in particular looking forward to a showdown between Aruthor and Asparthamay. “The twain should never meet.”

I wondered why.

Ryan and Mitchell laughed.

According to Mr. Kwest, Aruthor and Asparthamay needed to be separated forever by dimensional barriers.

Lowering the barrieres would lead to a fight detrimental to the whole universe.

Alas, according to Mr. Kwest, there existed kryptic stories about an encounter of Asparthamay and Arutor.

Ryan gasped. He was clueless as of those.

Alas, the whole world of literatuere was full of those shgadowy tales.

Sometimes you had to infer them by reading between the lines.

As a playwright, I was writing many obvious things, visible for anyone watching my plays.

But people were always going to speculate about the unwritten, the unportrayed.

That was inevitable.

See, my Boarding School Musical was to be performed by less than ten actors in less than three hours.

But it is inspired by five years of my life at Pacific Coast Academy.

How is it possible to squeeze the life of five years into three hours of action?

The play wasn’t going to be much different from the iceberg sinking the Titanic.

The massive majority was not obvious, but very influential.

Michael was now boarding the engine. He talked a lot, making me almost forget about most of the aforementioned troubles, at least for the time being.

99.3  Legendary Encounter

So, this was Webicon …

The hall ws bigger than some of Broadway’s established blocks. It wqs divided into panels.

The Chase-and-Michael Show had been given one of those.

Many fans were waiting behind a sort of fence.

But this barrier was probably not going to stop frenzied fans from running all over us.

I had got kind of sort of a creepy feeling.

Mixhael hid that by playing with his clack-clack balls.

The speaker of the bunch of fans appeared to be no other than Stacey Dillsen. She wore some opink ornations in her hair.

I squealed. “Stacey!”

The freaky cotton swab queen jumped over the barriers in order to hug me. Then she treated Michael the same way.

I also recognised Gavin Mitchell, former overseer of our campus cinema. He had once more died his hair all black, using Indian ink. He was accompanied by his freaky friends. I remembered one of them as Eric Blonowitz, formerly member of Belleview’s nerd club.

The other guy was Eric’s best friend, Craig Ramirez.

Drake used to talk quite a lot about those freaks.

Anyways, Carly, Freddie, Gibby, and Sam were finally here.

Carly asked, “have you seen Spencer?”

I shook my head. “Is he coming hereto?”

Carlyu nodded vigorously. “He is a Word Of Warlords addict. He is portraying some Arturo.”

Mitchell Kwest had to correct Carly. “Aruthor, damnit! It’s Aruthor!”

Carly pouted. “Why aren’t you simply calling him Arutrutrutrutruro?”

Her voice was totally sarcastical.

Sam grabbed Carly’s el;bow. “Let those freaks be! We have to face our fans.”

Carly sighed deeply. Thence she followed Sam’s advice.

Of course, the presence of Sam made me tremble and shiver.

Finally, Mitchell Kwest spotted the stume fest, complete with ‘Aruthro’. “Attack!” he commanded Ryan. “There’s also Asparthamay! That will mean a really fantabulous encounter.”

The junior hero of New Yorj City decided to follow Mitchell and join into the mayhem.

Carly grinned. “OK, I better don’t mess with them right now.”

This was a wise choice.

The stume fest was really wild and noisy.

We were now going to walk up to our podium.

The fans were now going to ask us questions.

Alas, I recognised another uncomfortable face among the masses.

Carly noticed my insecurity.

I announced, “This is Amanda Valdez. She had almost endangered Lola’s baby.”

Carly gasped. “Mandy … the fandom of horror …” She had already heard about this stalking fan.

OK, Wendy Gellar had been annoyig, too, once upon a time.

Carly whispered, “Shelby is with us, but unrecognised. We had to beg her. But there were some really crazy fans to be expected.”

I nodded solemnly. “This was a wise idea.” With Shelby backing us, I felt a lot safer.

Mandy Valdez asked, “Freddie, are you a real prince?”

We had been very careful concerning these news.

How had Mandy come to hear about this?

Freddie replied, “I still don’t believe in these rumours …” He actually didn’t know whether to believe it or not. “My mom is certainly mot a nobility, quite the contrary!”

Alas, Carly had tried to get Freddie to pick some of Marissa’s DNA and get it tested by Logan Mitchell, the nephew of Gavin Mitchell.

Stacey was the next freak to ask a question. “Chase, have you really won the jackpot of Las Vegas?”

I gasped.

How had those rumours come into being?

I replied, “trust me, given a 99 per cent chance of winning a jackpot, I would be the one per cent to fail in doing so. The only jackpot I’ve ever hit was Adddie Singer. And I needed over ten years to figure this.”

Stacey glared with disappointment.

Next, Craig Ramirez started asking, “I’ve got a question for Sam …”

Aw my gosh!

Was Craig going to ask about the stuff with child labour?

Freddie granbbed the microphone. “Samantha Puckett won’t answer anything without the presence of her lawyer, Claire Sawyer.”

The masses started moaning.

Sam nodded vigorously.

Gavin Mitchell had got another question. “Michael, is it true … you will come to Oprah Winfrey’s show in order to talk about your obsession with clackers?”

Michael gasped. “Oh man, those are not clackers. They are clack-clack balls!” He oulled a pair of clackers from his pockets. “And I’m not obsessed with or addicted to them.” He started clackering.

Craig Ramirez still had got another question. “Carly, do you wear silicon pads in your bra?”

Carly gasped. “What?”

Craig repeated the question. “It’s for a bet between me and Eric.”

Eric started arguing with his best friend.

Carly was consternated and increasingly angry. “Security!”

Her voice sounded like thunder.

Shelby Marx rushed in. She was neatly drressed in a security suit.

Carly explained, “please, get those spazzes out of here!” She pointed at Craig and Eric.

Shelby nodded. She rushed towards Craig and Eric and grabbed them by the ears. Then she pulled them to the main entrance and kicked their butts in a vigorous manner.

Agonal screams were heard from the entrance, making the whole building tremble like an earthquake.

Shelby returned. “Those creepy hobo dweebs dared to ask me for a date. I really had to kick thm in a special place. Now they won’t be able to bother any girl anymore.”

Cary hugged Shelby. “Thanks, you’re the best security guard ever!”

Shelby smiled.

99.4  Forgotten sanctuary

Of course such a convention had turned us hungry.

Thus we had to take a lunch break. And now we were returning from the cafeteria.

I whispered, “did Sam get into trouble for child labour?”

Freddie explained the situation, “Dean Ruckner caught her in flagrante delicto. And it was not even Missy’s fault.”

I gasped.

Freddie continued, “fortunately, Claire Sawyer was able to defend Sam at the honour council. She had stressed Sam’s tough childhood. Sam had been working under even worse conditions. Dean Ruckner showed mercy. But she has got her punishment.”

I sighed.

Carly nodded.

Sam moaned, “I have to do the laundry for all the elementary school kids for the whole junior and senior year, and clean their dormitory rooms once poer week.”

We passed the area reserved for the ‘stume fest’.

Ryan, Spencer, and the guy named ‘Asparthamay’ were still battling over the title of the superhero of the universe.

The winner of the stume contest was awarded with the key to the universe, a sort of relic for fans of World Of Warcraft.

On top of being a symbolic prize, the keyt actually was rumoured to open some hitherto secret entrence to the hall of fame of World Of Warlords.

Mitchell Kwest tried to separate the combattants.

It turned worse from minute to minute.

Carly feared Spencer getting all hurt in the combat.

Spencer screamed, “die, Asparthamay!”

“Go to hell, filthy Aruthor!” thundered the guy portraying Asparthamay.

“I will squish you to goo,” announced Ryan emphatically, “as true as I am the Ryanator!”

Carly’s ears hurt.

Now I had got an idea. I asked Carly, “may I borrow a banjo?”

Carly asked around. She smiled. “Probably a good idea … whatever the idea is …” She shrugged.

A few minutes later, Stacey Dillsen handed me a banjo.

I started playing,

The Bushwell ladies sing that song
Doodah, Doodah
The Bushwell staircase’s five miles long
Dooda doodadah.

Bushwell Plaza was the residence of Spencer.

My friends started singing along.

I continued, playing. “Everybody now!”

Going to run all night
Going to run Ridgeway
I bet my money on a beavcoon back
Someone bet on the hay.

Even the wildest contestants started singing along.

Mitchell Kwest declared the stumefest a draw. “Each of you will get the key for one month!”

The participants all cheered.

Spencer hugged me. “Aw Chase. So long no see!”

I sighed. “Nice to see you again, too.”

Carly smiled. “I like watching hugging boys. Don’t you like it too?”

Some others nodded/

Suddenly Gibby ripped his shirt off and sent it flying through the window. “And this is Supergibby, the ultimate hereo!” he claimed the award for the best costume, but he was slightly too late for that.

99.5  A glittering cavern

Spencer was the first to hold the key to the universe.

We had been following him to the mysterious door.

Spencer opened the door slowly. “Yeah!”

The gate opened.

A shiny cave was awaiting us. Alas, it was a bit empty.

Spencer was disappointed. “I have struggled with Asparthamay and the Ryanator for six hours straight, tearing my stume to shreds, and then I get an empty cavern?”

I suggested, “Spencer, you are a great sculptor. This room is empty. Now make some sculptors to fill it?”

Sopencer gasped. “Aw my gosh! That’s true!”

The other participants cheered.

Soon the cavern was going to be filled with glittering sculptures of the greatest heroes of World Of Warlords.

The Webicon had thus come to a cool end.

But the next weeks were going to be the most critical of my life.

The expectations were great.

Sofia Michelle had invested a lot of confidence into my career.

I could by no means afford disappointing her, or else ….

Yet quite a few problems were still to be fixed.

And time was running out.

The next weeks were goingto decide about my possible place in the glittering hall of fame at Broadway.

And so many people were invited to watch, most notably my sick grandmother.

She was not going to make it much longer.

Thus disappointing her was no option, either.

I was better hiding in some dark place during the première of Boarding School Musical.

1
from iCarly : iStart A Fanwar

Chapter 100  Make It Up To There

1

100.1  When stillness descends

The great evening was there.

I would have liked to hide elsewhere.

But the regular prompter was unavailable.

Thus Sofia Michelle condemned me to doing precisely this.

Well, I was certainly somewhat hidden from the audience.

But the situation forced me to see the actors straight in front of my eyes, right during the performance.

In addittion, the situation reminded me of my clumsy attempt of helping Ashley Blake with her probatory date with Jett Stetson.

Both of them were now also acting in this play.

Ashley’s rôle as a blond Mary-Sue, inspired by Zoey Brooks, has already been mentioned.

Jett had been hired in last minute as the actor portraying some confused dork, someone like, er, oops …

I had just shuffled the sheets odf the script lying in froint of me.

Jett had to wear a bushy wig created by the one and only perfect mask artist, Nicole Bristow.

Beck Oliver, Tori Vega, Justin Webber, and Camille Seberg were already waiting for Jett and Ashley.

As aforementioned, Beck portrayed a jerk, playboy, and jock, Tori portrayed an aspiring diva, Camille portrayed a nerdy wallflower, and Justin portrayed a blues flautist.

My nervosity increased more and more.

Rearranging the confused script was not an easy task.

Now all the actors were ready.

The technical team was prepaered as well.

The curtain separating te audience from the stage was slowly lifted, using some motor.

The monotonous noise of the curtain was tiresome.

The spotlights were moving into position.

But the audience was seized by a wave of science.

Six young actors were now holding the key to my destiny in their hands.

I could not see Sophia Michelle from my prompter’s dugout.

But I imagined feeling her critical breath in my neck.

Sofia was probably sticking either thunbs up or tthumbs down, like Roman emperors during gladiator battles.

Ashley Blake was panting for a moment before breaking the magical silence.

The première of Boarding School Musical had just started.

100.2  When forever fades away

The last act of the première of Boarding School Musical was up on stage.

The actors had hitherto been acting perfectly.

I only had to intervene twice or thrice.

All of a sudden, my cellular phone vibrated.

I pondered about picking it up.

The display made Lola’s number appear in front of my eyes.

She should have known about this première. She would have been here as well. But she was in the last moves of her pregnancy.

I decided to pick it up. “Chase Barthoplomew Matthews, hi Lola, I’m in a …”

Lola replied, “I know. I just want to say … my baby is here. It’s a girl! We will call her Victoria, just like Tori. Tell her about it.”

I gasped and choked. “Congrats! I will tell Tori about the girl!”

The connection was terminated.

Unfortunately, I had not been sufficiently careful and silent.

Bypassing Ashley muast have heard my words.

w my gosh!

She looked very confused.

Did she take my words meant for Lola as acting instructions?

I was ready to tell the Ashley as this being a confusion.

But The situation would have turned increasingly complication.

Ashley may have taken my errata corrige as another part of her text. Now she thundered, “it’s agirl! Her name is Victoria!”

I held my ears with my palms.

That was the catastrophe, plain and simple.

The dream of everlasting fame was about vanishing slowly down the drain.

Tori cheered and bounced around.

This was contagious.

The actors did not undertand the context.

There had hitherto been no talk about pregnancy and birth during the whole play.

The performance was now over.

I was looking forward to my demise.

Alas, Sofia Michelle stuck too thumbs up. “Wow! What a surprise ending. And the audience loves surprise endings. I understand what you want to say with it.”

I scratched my head. “You do?”

Sofia beamed. “Yeah, it’s the perfect expression of birth from chaos.”

I shrugged. “Oh, yeah, sure it is!”

The actors nodded solemnly.

We waved around and bowed to the audience.

Now I whispered to Tori, “Lola has called me. ”

Tori nodded. “OK, I’m on my way.” She disappeared in order to visit her cousin Lola and Lola’s baby. She was going to be a godmom.

100.3  The truth about forever

I walked through the foyer, crossing the leaving audience.

My grandma had been applauding for minutes. “I’m proud of you, Chase!”.

I thanked her.

But, all, of a sudden, she slumped to the floor.

I called for a medic.

Dustin and Zoey, members of the audience, dragged uncle Glaazer here.

After a second, the medic diagnosed, “if you ask me … she’s dead. That makes 200 bucks!”

I sighed deeply.

Glazer explained, “She has been deadly sick for over three years.”

Dustin comforted me. “That was the best moment for her to die.”

I sighed deeply.

Grandma had died peacefully with a smile in her face.

I wrote a cheque over 200 bucks and rendered it unto Jeff Glazer Brooks.

Zoey glared at her uncle in a not-so-approving manner.

Dustin grunted, “uncle Glazer, what have you got to do with Freddie Benson as a little child?”

Jeff tried to desscape, but he was cornered by Zoey and Dustin.

Zoey peered quizzically at her uncle.

The medic fessed up. “I’ve assisted with the birth of the royal twins, Gabriel and Fredrick Edward. Then I have implanted GPS chips into their head.”

I gasped and was close to puking.

Zoey grunted, “a chip in his head? How disgusting!”

Dustin shivwered.

Carly had to comfort him by means of many huggles.

Glazer continued, “The queen’s handmaid, Marissa, forced me to do so.”

We gasped.

Marissa Benson had thus been the handmaid of the Queen of ‘Whereverland’. She must have stolen Fredrick Edward from his mom.

Nobody barring the medic, the handmaid, and the queen had known about the twin birth.

Thus the royal house had never been missing out on Fredward.

Marissa Benson was thus a mean baby aductor. She had been unterpaid by the queen. She had requested a much higher salary after the kids’ birth and been turned down. As a revenge, she had stolen one of the twins.

In addition, Fredrick Edward was the elder twin by ten minutes, and thus the legal heir to the throne.

The proper prince would have disappeared forever.

But ‘forever’ was not always what it seemed.

100.4  Finality

Glazer had also talked about Maris Bingham.

Indeed, she was the daughter of the brother of Zoey’s and Dustin, just as suspected.

I got consternated Zoey and Maris to make up for their hostility of the past.

This way, even Maximilian Madigan and Simon Christini were able to drop their differences.

Their fashion labels were fused.

Resulting New Fashion was finally going to turn into the biggest fashion label ever, employing colosses like Zoey, Maris, True, Geena, Crony, …

Marissa Benson was at last arrested and delivered unto royal wrath for abduction of the heir.

Glazer got fined severely.

Prince Fredrick Edward would in the end be reestablished as the new king of his real country. He was soon going to rule side by side with his legal wife. Queen Samantha.

Prince Gabriel was glad about that. He was finally allowed to study and work as a business man, side by side with his beloved Melanie.

Lola was at least not only holding her baby Victoria in her arms, but also her first oscar, one day before turning twenty.

All the actors of my play Boarding School Musical were in the end going to be great stars, be it in Los Angeles, New York City, or elsewhere.

100.5  The end

My first greater play at Broadway was a great success.

Thus the board of the theatre awarded me with a new, improved contract.

But this implied also even bigger responsibilities and bigger tasks.

Addie was following in my footsteps.

But, what exactly were my footsteps?

I had been succeeding step by step, and now I was here. Where exactly was I? And how had I made it?

Upon looking back, everything appeared like a big chain of coincidences.

Each step meant the right friens and tge right accidents at the appropriate moment.

And I had needed all thoise people: Grandma, Rusty, Michael, Logan, Cal, Stu, Drake, Addie, Geena, Evelyn, Coco, Wendy, Dustin, Zoey, Quinn, Nicole, Dana, Ashley, Lola, Stacey, Vince, Carly, Megan, Freddie, Tori, Jade, Jett, Cookie, Sam, Shelby, Kyla, Sofia Michelle, Kreuftlva, True, Lulu, Ryan, Jimmy, Max, Prince Gabriel, Melanie, Mr. Kwest, Dean Ruckner, principal Pal, Nevel, Royce, Glazer, Missy Robinson, …

You name them!

But all of this did not matter anymore.

In the end, I had made it up to there. And now I was able to make it just anywhere.

This was all up to New York, the city of cities.2

The End

1
allusion to New York, New York, a song by Frank
Sinatra. I don’t own that one, either.
2
allusion to New York, New York, a song by Frank Sinatra. I don’t own that one, either.

This document was translated from LATEX by
HEVEA.

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